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Canadian Olympic swimmer comes out in online essay

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Olympian Markus Thormeyer says “It’s OK to be gay” (Image via Instagram)

An Olympic athlete has come out as gay in an emotional online essay.

Canadian swimmer Markus Thormeyer, who competed in the 4 x 100 freestyle relay team in the 2016 Olympics, posted his coming out story on the website OutSports Wednesday, beginning his narrative by revealing that “the secret I was keeping” was “holding me back” when he began training with his team in Vancouver in 2015.

“Creating these intimate bonds with my teammates was amazing, but it also made me feel guilty at the same time.” the 22-year-old athlete writes. “They were exposing their most raw essence in the pool every day, but I would come to the pool emotionally guarded and not do the same. Following every interaction with my teammates, I would feel a bit sad because they weren’t getting to know the real me, just some surface-level shell I fabricated.”

He goes on to explain, “I wanted to keep it a secret that I was gay for multiple reasons. I was scared they wouldn’t accept me. I did not want to create drama in the training group, I didn’t know how they would react. I was scared of negative responses.”

He also says that he feared his sexuality would “compromise” the team’s chances of making the Olympics. “I didn’t want to take that chance, so I kept my walls up and generally avoided talks about sexuality and dating,” he says.

At first, the swimmer says, he “thought it would be easy” to hide his secret, but “the following months in the closet” were much more difficult than he imagined, and got “progressively harder every day.”

“Some days I dreaded going to the pool in fear that my sexuality would be exposed,” Thormeyer writes. “I’d show up late and leave early to social gatherings and workouts. Some days it would even spiral and I would question why I was swimming and be scared of my own goals.

“Having to deal with that was awful. Every day felt like a threat and not an opportunity.”

In the end, the pressure of keeping his secret led to an emotional breakdown.

“I felt helpless on my bedroom floor, but I also knew that I couldn’t keep living like this,” he reveals. “At this point I knew that I would either burn out and or take control of my destiny. I decided to take control (…) and come out to my teammates. I always wanted them to know I was gay, but now I was ready for them to know.”

Because he is “not a dramatic person,” he says, the swimmer decided to slip the revelation casually into a conversation that came up with his teammates about relationships.

“I casually said that I had never been on a date with a guy before and I was kind of scared of it. That I’d probably be a nervous wreck and ruin it.

“Then, without a sliver of judgment or skipping a beat, my friends told me that I’d probably be fine on a date as long as I just had a good time and just was comfortable being myself.”

The instant acceptance and support changed everything for the Olympic then-hopeful.

“Knowing that I had such amazing teammates supporting me so strongly regardless of my sexual orientation was one of the best feelings in the world,” he says. “There was no drama and it was exactly what I wanted.”

“Feeling safe in my training environment and having no distractions allowed me to push myself to new limits in the pool,” he goes on to add. “My training got better, I got stronger and my technique got sharper. Not only that, but I also broke down some walls between me and my teammates and our relationships flourished. Training with them fostered relationships that will last a lifetime.”

After coming out to his fellow competitors, the swimmer and 6 of his teammates went on to qualify for the 2016 Summer Olympics. Thormeyer himself has enjoyed continued success, winning the gold in the 200-meter backstroke and bronze in the 100-meter backstroke in the FINA Champions Swim Series in China. He plans to join the Olympic trials this Spring in order to qualify for this year’s Summer Olympics in Tokyo Olympics.

He concludes his inspiring story by announcing his decision to join Team Canada’s OneTeam, an organization which promotes LGBTQ inclusion and respect in schools and sport throughout the country.

“I want to share my story and be able to spread the message that it’s OK to be gay. Life is much better when you fully embrace you for who you are.”

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PHOTOS: National Champagne Brunch

Gov. Beshear honored at annual LGBTQ+ Victory Fund event

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Gov. Andy Beshear (D-Ky.) speaks at the LGBTQ+ Victory Fund National Champagne Brunch on Sunday, April 19. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

The LGBTQ+ Victory Fund National Champagne Brunch was held at Salamander Washington DC on Sunday, April 19. Gov. Andy Beshear (D-Ky.) was presented with the Allyship Award.

(Washington Blade photos by Michael Key)

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PHOTOS: Night of Champions

Team DC holds annual awards gala

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Team DC President Miguel Ayala speaks at the Night of Champions Awards Gala at the Georgetown Marriott on Saturday, April 18. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

The umbrella LGBTQ sports organization Team D.C. held its annual Night of Champions Gala at the Georgetown Marriott on Saturday, April 18. Team D.C. presented scholarships to local student athletes and presented awards to Adam Peck, Manuel Montelongo (a.k.a. Mari Con Carne), Dr. Sara Varghai, Dan Martin and the Centaur Motorcycle Club. Sean Bartel was posthumously honored with the Most Valuable Person Award.

(Washington Blade photos by Michael Key)

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Television

‘Big Mistakes’ an uneven – but worthy – comedic showcase

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Taylor Ortega and Dan Levy in ‘Big Mistakes.’ (Photo courtesy of Netflix)

In the years since “Schitt’s Creek” wrapped up its six season Emmy-winning run, nostalgia for it has grown deep – especially since the still painfully recent loss of its iconic leading lady, Catherine O’Hara, whose sudden passing prompted a social media wave of clips and tributes featuring her fan-favorite performance as the deliciously daft Moira Rose. Revisiting so many favorite scenes and funny moments from the show naturally reminded us of just how much we loved it, even needed it during the time it was on the air; it also reminded us of how much we miss it, and how much it feels now like something we need more than ever.

That, perhaps more than anything else, is why the arrival of “Big Mistakes” – the new Netflix series starring, co-created and co-written by Dan Levy – felt so welcome. We knew it wouldn’t be the Roses, but it seemed cut from the same cloth, and it had David Rose (or at least someone who seemed a lot like him) in the middle of a comically dysfunctional family dynamic, complete with a mother who gets involved in town politics and a catty sibling rivalry with his sister, and still nebbish-ly uncomfortable in his own gay shoes. Only this time, instead of running a charmingly pretentious boutique, he’s the pastor of the local church, and instead of a collection of kooky small town neighbors to contend with, there are gangsters.

As it turns out, it really does feel cut from the same cloth, but the design is distinctly different. Set in a fictional New Jersey suburb, it centers on Nicky (Levy) and his sister Morgan (Taylor Ortega) – he openly gay with an adoring boyfriend (Jacob Gutierrez), yet still obsessive about keeping it all invisible to his congregation, and she drudging aimlessly through life as an underpaid schoolteacher after failing to achieve her New York dreams of show biz success – who inadvertently become enmeshed in a shady underworld when a gesture for their dead grandmother’s funeral goes horribly awry.

They’re surrounded by a crew of equally compromised characters. There’s their mother Linda (Laurie Metcalf), whose campaign to become the town’s mayor only intensifies her tendency to micromanage her children’s lives; Yusuf (Boran Kuzum), the Turkish-American mini-mart operator who pulls them into the criminal conspiracy yet is himself a victim of it; Max (Jack Innanen), Morgan’s live-in boyfriend, who pushes her for a deeper commitment and is willing to go to couples’ therapy to prove it; Annette, his mother (Elizabeth Perkins), who lends her society standing toward helping Linda’s campaign against a misogynistic opponent (Darren Goldstein); and Ivan (Mark Ivanir), the seemingly ruthless crime boss who enslaves the siblings into his network but may really be just another slave himself. It’s a well-fleshed out assortment of characters that helps our own loyalties shift and adapt, generating at least a degree of empathy – if not always sympathy – that keeps everyone from coming off as a merely “black-and-white” caricature of expectations and typecasting.

To be sure, it’s an entertaining binge-watch, full of distinctive characters – all inhabiting familiar, even stereotypical roles in the narrative – who are each given a degree of validation, both in writing and performance, as the show unspools its narrative. At the same time, it makes for a fairly bleak overall view of humanity, in which it’s difficult to place our loyalties with anyone without also embracing a kind of “dog eat dog” morality in which nobody is truly innocent – but nobody is completely to blame for their sins, anyway.

In this way, it’s a show that lets us off the hook in the sense that it places the idea of ethical guilt within a framework of relative evils, as it permits us to forgive our own trespasses by accepting its “lovably” amoral characters, each of whom has their own reasons and justifications for what they do. We relate, but we can’t quite shake the notion that, if all these people hadn’t been so caught up in their own personal dramas, none of them would have ended up in the compromised morality that they’re in.

However, it’s not some bleak morality play that Levy and crew undertake; rather, it’s more an egalitarian fantasy in which even “bad” choices feel justified by inevitability. Everybody’s motivations make enough sense to us that it’s hard to judge any of the characters for making the choices – however unwise – that they do. In a system where everyone is forced to compromise themselves in order to achieve whatever dream of self-fulfillment they may have, how can anybody really blame themselves for doing what they have to do to survive?

Of course, all things considered, this is more a relatable comedy than it is a morality play. As a comedy of errors, it all works well enough on its own without imposing an ideology on it, no matter how much we may be tempted to do so. Indeed, what is ultimately more to the point is how well this pseudo-cynical exercise in the normalization of corruption – for that is what it really about, in the end – succeeds in letting us all off the hook for our compromises.

In the end, of course, maybe all that analysis is too deep a dive for a show that feels, in the end, like it’s meant to be mostly for fun. Indeed, despite its focus on being dragged into the shady side of life, the arc of its messaging seems to be less about a moralistic urge toward making the “right” choice than it is a candid recognition that all of us are compromised from the outset, often by choices we only force upon ourselves, and that’s a refreshing enough bit of honesty that we can easily get on board.

It helps that the performances are on point, especially the loony and wide-eyed fanaticism of Metcalf – surely the MVP of any project in which she is involved – and the directly focused moral malleability of Ortega; Levy, of course, is Levy – a now-familiar persona that can exist within any milieu without further justification than its own queer relatability – and, in this case, at least, that’s both the icing on the cake and substance that defines it. That’s enough to make it an essential view for fans, queer or otherwise, of his distinctive “brand,” even if he – or the show itself – doesn’t quite satisfy in the way that “Schitt’s Creek” was able to do.

Seriously, though, how could it?

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