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‘A Star is Bored’ a delicious work of fiction

Carrie Fisher’s assistant pens irresistible novel

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A Star is Bored review, gay news, Washington Blade
(Image courtesy of Henry Holt and Co.)

‘A Star Is Bored’

By Byron Lane

Henry Holt and Co.

$26.99/352 pages

“If my life wasn’t funny, it would just be true,” the late actress, writer, screenwriter and gay icon Carrie Fisher wrote in “Wishful Drinking,” her memoir, which she performed in a one-woman show.

I miss Fisher! She was loved by her legions of fans for her indelible portrayal of Princess Leia in the “Stars Wars” franchise and other performances — from Marie in “When Harry Met Sally,” to her cameo in a “Sex and the City” episode. Fisher, the daughter of Eddie Fisher and queer icon Debbie Reynolds, had bi-polar disorder and struggled with substance abuse. In “Postcards from the Edge” and other novels and memoirs, she wrote with wry humor about alcoholism, drug addiction, mental illness and life as Hollywood royalty.

Byron Lane, author of “A Star Is Bored,” was Fisher’s personal assistant for several years. This irreverent, yet poignant debut novel is the fictional story of 29-year-old Charlie Besson’s life as the personal assistant to the queer icon, actress and writer Kathi Kannon. Kannon, aged 59, renowned for starring as Princess Talara in the blockbuster film “Nova Quest,” is bi-polar and struggles with alcohol abuse and drug addiction. As with the case with Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds, Gracie Gold (Miss Gracie) lives next door to Kathi.

From the get-go, Lane says the book isn’t an account of his experience as Fisher’s personal assistant. He isn’t Charlie and Kathi isn’t Fisher.

You’ll know you’re in for a fun ride when you read Lane’s disclaimer. “This is a work of fiction…” Lane, the partner of novelist Steven Rowley, writes, “Any resemblance to reality is purely coincidental, including, names, places, weapons and sexual acts.”

“A Star Is Bored” is a coming-of-age novel. Charlie, who’s gay, grew up in Louisiana. When he’s 12, his loving mother dies. She didn’t mind that Charlie didn’t play sports as the other boys did. Knowing that he worshiped Princess Talara, she gave him a Princess Talara action figure.

His father was another story. He’s abusive and homophobic. As a child, Charlie loved Oreos (but only for their filling). One day, after he realized that Charlie had thrown the chocolate part of the cookies into the trash, his Dad made him eat the cookie remnants out of the garbage.

His father was no fan of the Princess Talara action figure! “He thought female action figures were the reason I ‘ran like a girl,’” Lane writes.

Even when he’s grown up and Kathi is interviewing him for the assistant job, Lane writes, Charlie says his father’s “masculine voice is still screaming at me, in my head…even while here, auditioning for a new role in Hollywood’s royal court.”

It’s no wonder that on his way to his job interview with Kathi, Charlie, who’s been working the graveyard shift for a local news station, says his life “feels like rot.”

It’s not surprising that his therapist says Charlie engages in “passive suicidal behavior” or that Charlie’s love life sucks. Hope enters his world when he becomes assistant to Kathy, who Charlie says is the “heroine of film, television, maybe my life.”

Working for his idol, though life-changing, is far from easy. Kathi lives in a mansion that “looks like a carnival,” Lane writes, “like an acid trip…like heaven.”

Kathi is friends with Meg Ryan and other celebs. She gives Charlie not only a gorgeous sweater and other swag but the inimitable nicknames “cockring” and “stepson.” She has, Lane writes, a moose head who “once saw Jack Nicholson nude.”

Yet, Kathi is demanding – wanting Charlie to answer ASAP, 24/7 questions like, “Where’s that website with those things I hate in that store I love?”

Kathi’s demands and sallies are often laugh-out-loud funny. But, there’s sadness in her story for us and for Charlie. She struggled with drug addiction and often resists taking her bi-polar meds.

Despite these challenges, Charlie learns how to change his life as he works for Kathi. You’ll root for him as he looks for sex and romance – while knowing that the bond forged between Charlie and Kathi is its own love story.

If you want to forget the pandemic, check out “A Star Is Bored.” It’s a scene-stealing read.

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Books

Book details fight to repeal ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’

Clinton-era policy was horrific for LGB servicemembers

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‘Mission Possible: The Story of Repealing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’
By C. Dixon Osburn
c.2021, self-published $35 hardcover, paperback $25, Kindle $12.99 / 450 pages

When Senior Airman Brandi Grijalva was stationed at Tyndall Air Force Base, she talked with a chaplain’s assistant about some problems she had at home. The chaplain’s assistant said what she told him would be confidential. But when she revealed that she was a lesbian, the chaplain’s assistant no longer kept her conversation with him confidential. Grijalva, after being investigated was discharged.

Craig Haack was a corporal in the Marines serving in Okinawa, Japan. Haack, who had made it through boot camp, felt confident. Until investigators barged into his barracks. Looking for evidence “of homosexual conduct,” they ransacked everything from his computers to his platform shoes. Haack was too stunned to respond when asked if he was gay.

In 1996, Lt. Col. Steve Loomis’ house was burned down by an Army private. The Army discharged the private who torched Loomis’ house. You’d think the Army would have supported Loomis. But you’d be wrong. The army discharged Loomis for conduct unbecoming an officer because a fire marshal found a homemade sex tape in the ashes.

These are just a few of the enraging, poignant, at times absurd (platform shoes?), all-too-true stories told in “Mission Possible: The Story of Repealing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” by C. Dixon Osburn.

As a rule, I don’t review self-published books. But “Mission Possible” is the stunning exception that proves that rules, on occasion, are made to be broken.

“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT) was the official U.S. policy on gay, lesbian and bisexual people serving in the military. Former President Bill Clinton announced the policy on July 19, 1993. It took effect on Feb. 28, 1994.

Sexual orientation was covered by DADT. Gender identity was covered by separate Department of Defense regulations.

Congress voted to repeal DADT in December 2010 (the House on Dec. 15, 2010, and the Senate on Dec. 18, 2010). On Dec. 22, 2010, Former President Barack Obama signed the repeal into law. 

DADT banned gay, lesbian and bisexual people who were out from serving in the U.S. military. Under DADT, it was not permitted to ask if servicemembers were LGB. But, LGB servicemembers couldn’t be out. They couldn’t talk about their partners, carry photos of their girlfriends or boyfriends or list their same-sex partner as their emergency contract.

It took nearly a year for the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” to go into effect. On Sept. 20, 2011, Obama, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates and Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff “certified to Congress that implementing repeal of the policy {DADT} would have no effect on military readiness, military effectiveness, unit cohesion or recruiting and retention,” Osburn writes.

Before DADT, out LGBT people weren’t permitted to serve in the military. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was intended to be a compromise—a policy that would be less onerous on LGB people, but that would pass muster with people who believed that gay servicemembers would destroy military readiness, morale and unit cohesion.

Like many in the queer community, I knew that DADT was a horror-show from the get-go. Over the 17 years that DADT was in effect, an estimated 14,000 LGB servicemembers were discharged because of their sexual orientation, according to the Veterans Administration.

But, I had no idea how horrific “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was until I read “Mission Possible.”              

In “Mission Possible,” Osburn, who with Michelle Benecke, co-founded the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network (SLDN), pulls off a nearly impossible hat trick.

In a clear, vivid, often spellbinding narrative, Osburn tells the complex history of the DADT-repeal effort as well as the stories of servicemembers who were pelted with gay slurs, assaulted and murdered under DADT.

Hats off to SLDN, now known as the Modern Military Association of America, for its heroic work to repeal DADT! (Other LGBTQ+ organizations worked on the repeal effort, but SLDN did the lion’s share of the work.)

You wouldn’t think a 450-pager about repealing a policy would keep you up all night reading. But, “Mission Possible” will keep you wide-awake. You won’t need the espresso.

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Books

‘Two Omars’ is uneven, but remarkable memoir

Celebrated actor’s gay grandson charts own path

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Omar Sharif Jr. came out during Arab Spring. (Book cover image courtesy of Counterpoint Press)

‘A Tale of Two Omars’
By Omar Sharif Jr.
c.2021, Counterpoint Press $26.00 / higher in Canada / 224 pages

You always wanted to make your mark.

There’d be no footstep-following in your life. You’d carve your own path, select your own adventures, seize the opportunities that appealed to you, and blaze trails for the sake of others’ journeys. You’d take the best of those you knew and loved, and you’d go your own way. As in the new memoir, “A Tale of Two Omars” by Omar Sharif Jr. you’ll also make your own mistakes.

Born into a family that had ties on several continents, Omar Sharif Jr. never had to worry about money or a place to live. On one side of the family—his maternal side—the Holocaust left a mark on his mother’s parents, who’d barely escaped the concentration camps. On the other side, Sharif’s paternal grandparents were both famous and beloved actors with roots in Egypt. Sharif was close with his entire family, but particularly with his grandfather, Omar Sharif.

Sharif recalls many a dinner party, listening, while his grandfather held court at dinner, laughing and telling stories. Everyone, everything seemed so elegant and refined and those meals showed Sharif a life that he could have if he wanted it. As time passed, the lessons he received were paid back: He was one of the few allowed to help his grandfather as Alzheimer’s took hold at the end of the great actor’s life. 

But this is not a story of a famous actor or a grandfather. It’s the story of a man who’s not just half-Jewish and Egyptian. He’s also gay, a part of himself that Sharif kept hidden until well into adulthood, although he says that other children must’ve sensed it when he was young. It was a part of himself that he feared revealing to his father. It helped him land a dream job that ultimately became a nightmare. 

The title of this book—”A Tale of Two Omars”—is a bit of a misnomer. Judging by what author Omar Sharif Jr. writes here, there are several Omars: The activist; a globe-hopper; a son and grandson; a writer and a grandfather whose life was impactful but who has a surprisingly small footprint in this book.

Which is not to say that readers will like them all.

Indeed, parts of this book may seem as though you’ve read them before: Bullied as a child, fear of coming out, the college revelation, the mismatched first love. Those ubiquitous bits are here, but they pale in comparison to Sharif’s ultra-urbane life and the hair-raising, terrifying account of getting and getting out of what seemed like the ultimate job with a wealthy sheikh, a job that slowly grew dangerous. That story-within-a-story is so edgy, so mouth-drying, that you’ll throw away the thriller you bought last week.

Then there’s the part about his life-threatening activism, a tale that starts and ends this book …

And so, beware at the unevenness of this memoir, but understand that the tedium doesn’t linger. Skip past the ho-humness of “A Tale of Two Omars” and the rest is remarkable.

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Books

‘Charm Offensive’ suffers from too much drama

A cute story but we all know how it will end

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‘The Charm Offensive: A Novel’
By Alison Cochrun
c.2021, Atria $17.00 / 368 pages

The applause is all for you this time.

It’s deafening, really — perhaps because there’s a standing ovation beneath it. All the work you did, the emoting, the emotions, you know how much your fans appreciate it. So take a bow. Drink in the love. As in the new novel, “The Charm Offensive” by Alison Cochrun, that’s one thing that’s sometimes missing in life.

Dev Deshpande was good at his job. He knew it, his colleagues knew it, it was fact. He might personally be terrible at love – case in point: he was still smarting from a three-months-ago break-up with his boyfriend, Ryan – but Dev was a pro at his job as producer for the reality TV show, “Ever After.” In fact, he’d been in charge of making dreams happen for six years’ worth of beautiful “Ever After” contestants; it helped that he believed in fairy tales.

Maybe one day, he’d find his own Prince Charming.

Just not this season.

This season, his lead director made him handle the “prince” instead of the usual “princesses,” and that was a challenge.

Charles Winshaw was 28, devastatingly handsome, extremely wealthy, and a nervous, introverted nerd who rarely dated. Geeky, awkward, and prone to panic attacks, he sincerely had no clue how to be romantic. Truth was, he was only there because his best friend and agent put him on “Ever After” to counter a reputation for being weird.

Still, Charlie was weird, and it was up to Dev to make him work for the show.

Shoring up Charlie’s confidence didn’t work, and neither did a pep talk. He couldn’t seem to just perform a role without freaking out and it was becoming obvious. By the time Dev’s assistant suggested having a few practice dates, Dev was willing to try anything.

He took Charlie to dinner. He spent time doing jigsaw puzzles with him, and he got Charlie to relax a little. If sparks flew, well, it was one-sided: Charlie was completely straight.

Wasn’t he?

You know what’s going to happen in the end, don’t you? Of course, you do. You’ll know it by page 30, step-by-step, with virtually no surprises, which leaves a long way to the final sentence of “The Charm Offensive.”

Now, it’s true that this novel is cute. It has its lightly humorous moments and author Alison Cochrun gives it a good cast, from contestant to show creator. It doesn’t lack details; in fact, reality dating show-watchers will feel right at home here. It even has the ubiquitous panoply of exotic locales for the “challenges” that the contestants must endure.

At issue is the length of this book. There’s too much of it, too many shirts that creep up, too many mentions of vomit, too much needless drama, too many will-he-won’t-he, when we know full well he will. This extra doesn’t ratchet up the tension, it makes things slow.

And so: cute story, familiar scenes, good characters in “The Charm Offensive.” But if taut is what you want in a rom-com, leave this book and bow out.

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