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Chef Patrick O’Connell offers lavish wedding prize
HRC to auction dream ceremony at Inn at Little Washington
Patrick O’Connell in the kitchen at the Inn at Little Washington. (Photo by Gordon Beall)
Fourth annual Chefs for Equality
Human Rights Campaign
Tuesday, Oct. 20
6-9:30 p.m.
Ritz-Carlton
‘ReFRAin from Discrimination’
Tickets: $200
The Inn at Little Washington
309 Middle St.
Washington, VA
The Inn at Little Washington is a bit like the Meryl Streep of its domain: not wholly impervious to the occasional ranking slippage or so-so review, yet possessing so many across-the-board top awards and five-star raves, its reputation is beyond impeccable.
Top rankings from the 2015 Forbes Travel Guide, the American Automobile Association, Travel+Leisure and Le Chef Magazine, rave reviews from the Washington Post and D.C. Modern Luxury and a grand award from Wine Spectator (for the 21st consecutive year) are just the recent accolades. The coffee table book “The Inn at Little Washington: a Magnificent Obsession” made the New York Times bestseller list for “fashion, manners and customs” in May and offers sumptuous photos of the Inn’s lavish and gilded interiors.
Owned by chef/proprietor Patrick O’Connell, unofficially dubbed the “pope of American cuisine,” the Inn is in Washington, Va., located 67 miles southwest of Washington, D.C., in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains. It has 24 guest rooms, an 80-seat restaurant that has earned many top reviews from the most prestigious publications and a 13,000-bottle wine cellar. The Inn is open year round every night except Tuesday.
This year O’Connell is again participating in the Human Rights Campaign’s annual Chefs for Equality event on Tuesday, Oct. 20. But this year, for the first time, he’s offering an auction item in which attendees can win an all-inclusive wedding package including dinner for 14 at the Inn with O’Connell himself officiating.
Over tea one sunny and quite warm afternoon in early September, O’Connell spent an hour reflecting on his career, the price of being out and how he has maintained the Inn’s reputation over the decades. His comments have been slightly edited for length.
A gazebo and outdoor dining just off the main dining room at the Inn at Little Washington. (Washington Blade photo by Joey DiGuglielmo)
WASHINGTON BLADE: You became ordained just to offer this wedding package?
PATRICK O’CONNELL: I am not officially ordained at this time but my idea was that we could create a singular one-of-a-kind opportunity and offer it for the benefit of HRC that would be very hard to put a dollar value on. We thought it would be kind of fun and novel at the same time. We had begun to do some same-gender weddings — I always say same-gender rather than same-s-e-x weddings because I think for the public at large, that’s a far more appropriate term. I think if we had used that language rather than using s-e-x, we would have come along much further, much faster.
BLADE: Why?
O’CONNELL: It’s a loaded word. What’s the first thing you think of when you think of sex? The act, right? I think it was referred to as such by our detractors knowing that it would have charged, negative significance. But gender is gender. It’s uncharged. So I guess we had the first same-gender wedding in Rappahannock County at the Inn and we managed to discover that there was a judge who was not only open to do it, but was also a tribal member and it was delightful in every way. That was about two years ago. Then we had a few others. … I realized it was not a complex matter to be an officiant — I never intended to enter the ministry, although I do a lot of ministering just in my role as an employer. But in general I shy away from labels because I think they are limiting and work against people and can be very damaging. They always reduce an idea or a concept into one word and that’s kind of silly.
BLADE: But don’t we need them on some practical level?
O’CONNELL: Well, no question. It helps. But I think we’re all more than one word and capable of being many things. … I rather like the term healer, which encompasses nourishing and nurturing people. Looking after their well being. Ministering to them, et cetera.
BLADE: Did being out (O’Connell founded the Inn with his former partner whom he eventually bought out) ever hurt you?
O’CONNELL: Oh, it almost had me murdered on numerous occasions. Yes, the hostility was venomous. There was a small contingent of locals who were feeling very much that something extremely foreign was happening in their midst when we started. They were unable to understand what we were about and then the fact that the business took off immediately and became successful started bringing in what were to them outsiders. There are people who felt they belonged here because they were born here and then there are outsiders who are an unproven entity. And of course you have to think the worst because they’re untested. When you have a track record, when you’ve been some place for three generations, then you’re predictable.
BLADE: Isn’t it funny, though, when one of their own comes out?
O’CONNELL: Isn’t that the truth? Or you see how they try to integrate it or reconcile it. Or overlook it.
BLADE: How did the Chefs for Equality package come about?
O’CONNELL: We’ve always tried to be supportive (of HRC) and we wanted people of all genders to know that it was possible to have a marriage celebration here and that it is possible to be married here so we thought it would be wonderful to create a fantasy wedding and take care of all the details leaving the couple no worries of a financial sort or whether it would come off. A lot of the stress of a wedding is budget. How much up front? How much will this or that cost? … This takes all that away so all you have to do is come here and get married.
BLADE: How many gay weddings have you had here?
O’CONNELL: I think probably four or five. Some quite small. The biggest was probably 50 seated guests. Here it usually involves dinner and this one will as well. Although this is not limited by gender. Opposite-gender couples can bid on this item as well. We’re wide open.
BLADE: Will you continue to officiate at weddings here or is this a one-off?
O’CONNELL: Initially the idea was that I would make it available only once. We have a minister on staff who has done about 170 weddings here over 15 years. … He hasn’t performed same-gender yet but he’s open to that. … I’ve witnessed many of his ceremonies and it’s always charming when you have someone who’s rooted in the place where you are married and is comfortable there, not just somebody who walks in and has never been here before. I think it’s a nice touch to have the chef and owner of the property offer to do this and it would be a once-in-a-lifetime kind of situation. So therefore it certainly potentially adds value to the auction item.
BLADE: Has the Inn always had an LGBT clientele?
O’CONNELL: Always, yes yes yes. And probably more and more each year.
BLADE: Are gays harder to please?
O’CONNELL: Certainly not with weddings. Overall I think they’re among our most appreciative audience because they’re knowledgeable and focused on details and very responsive to the ambience. What’s a little strange for them sometimes is to be outside an urban environment altogether and so we take care to be sure that they’re completely comfortable here. We’re part of a European-based association called Relais & Chateaux and we have member properties in 52 nations so through that we see a lot of European guests. It’s a very nice thing to hear different languages being spoken in the dining room on a given night and to have this sense that you’ve escaped Washington (D.C.) in a way. We like to think of ourselves as a little foreign embassy out here. It’s out in nowhere land and sometimes you can lose a little of your baggage out here. … You feel much further from Washington than you actually are. … It has a good healing energy and I think people feel restored when they come here.
BLADE: Nobody can go 100 miles per hour all the time. How do you maintain such a high level over many years and not get burned out?
O’CONNELL: It’s complicated but also in a way very simple. Each day you have to find something that you can do better than you did the day before so you have some tangible sense of improvement and evolution and it becomes ingrained in your culture. The Inn has never stopped. It has continued to evolve since it was a garage. Almost every day we’ve succeeded in making some improvement. If we were to look back at a film of what we were like 10, 15, 20,25, 30 years ago, it would laughable for most people compared to where we are today… It’s performance art and you have to fine-tune it all the time and you have to be incredibly self critical. That’s what’s hard for people. No one likes to be brutally self critical, so we joke about it. We say things like, “We look like we almost know what we’re doing. One day we’ll have this down.” Basically we’re just real people but ordinary people trying collectively to do something extraordinary. As long as everyone subscribes to that theory, then that’s what’s called for and the only thing that’s going to work.
BLADE: How do you convey your vision to the staff?
O’CONNELL: You have to find ways to continue to energize your team, to continue to challenge them and give them something to dream about so you’re inspiring them all the time to not only do their best but, like a trainer might in a gym, if he can succeed in getting his client more than they can do on their own, then he’s providing value. It’s just like with any sport — swimming for instance, you want to shorten your time on a sprint or something like that. … I love hearing them when they come back and they’ve had these breakthroughs. Some of them are quite young but they realize that the progress they’re making here translates into anything else they do in life. I love it when a former staff person will come back and maybe they’re a successful lawyer in Washington or New York and they come back and say the reason my career took off the way it did its what I learned here, how I learned to read people, to intuit people, to think on my feet and be able to do five things at one time. My feeling is there should be a point in every young person’s life when they benefit from working in a restaurant. Not only do you get an appreciation for how hard it is — it is not easy work, it’s extremely taxing mentally and physically — but to be able to subtly control an audience while creating the illusion that the audience is controlling you, is fascinating.
BLADE: How many are on staff?
O’CONNELL: 140
BLADE: How much of the cooking do you actually do?
O’CONNELL: I’m in the kitchen every night and generally I’m in a position where I can watch from one vantage point what everyone is doing, like an orchestra conductor. They’re facing me and I’m facing them and there are no hiding places. You develop a sixth sense and you can feel when everything is on and when it’s going to be a good night.
BLADE: And when things go wrong?
O’CONNELL: With 140 people, there’s some sort of a personal crisis every day so you have to be sure they’re OK and see how it’s affecting the entire team. … You have to get all that out of the way or it’s going to have a negative impact. … Humor is my greatest tool and weapon. In the kitchen we can be as naughty and outrageous as we want to be. … It’s about not taking ourselves overly seriously. We can have a little fun but not lose focus.
BLADE: If you’re Robert De Niro, you can go back and watch “Raging Bull” if you want, or whatever. Food, though, is ephemeral. What kind of legacy can you build in an ephemeral medium?
O’CONNELL: I think sometimes the most beautiful things are the ephemeral ones. Those that can’t really be put into words or saved with a snapshot. I stopped taking pictures ages ago simply because they were never as good as reality. And there was never time to look at them. Rarely did I find one that did justice to the moment. Very often you’ll be reminded of an important occasion. You’ll hear that an experience was very important to a guest and maybe they’ll be on their deathbed reminiscing and they’ll have had an occasion here that was unforgettable. That’s very sweet, really, really nice. What more do you need? It’s why live theater has greater value than film. You can watch a concert on television but why is it that people when they sit there in an auditorium and listen to an entertainer sing, they feel ripped off when they’re lip syncing? Because it’s just not the same, it’s not in the moment. That’s what we offer and I really do believe that you reach people either consciously or unconsciously. Even if they don’t get all the details, they can feel them.
BLADE: Do the accolades bring with them a burden as well? The public comes with much higher expectations when they hear of all the accolades and ratings.
O’CONNELL: The staff always joked that I made the lies true. Early on I got a call from Craig Claiborne, he was the New York Times food writer, and he said, “Did you hear the news, the Zagat survey came out and you’re number one in America.” I said, “Yeah.” He said, “the number one resort.” This was shortly after we converted the garage. We never thought of ourselves as a resort. We had no amenities whatsoever. My first thought was that it must have been an error. Then I thought, “God, what am I gonna do?” So the next day I went out and bought two bicycles and that’s where that little slogan came from. You make the lies true. The next year they changed the category for inns and we were number one for inns so it was a little more appropriate. But yes, each of them heightens expectations and it’s hard to get that across to the staff. One food writer once said she would hate it if she were running a place and it was called the best in the world because then the simplest flaw that would not even be noticed or observed in a lesser restaurant would stand out in neon and that’s all anybody would remember. So in that regard, the clientele is less forgiving than they would be almost anywhere else and the expectations are greater, but in the end it’s always about how we make them feel. If we focus on that, on knowing each person is different and has to be reached, then it’s not overwhelming.
BLADE: Has it benefitted you in the long run being rather isolated out here?
O’CONNELL: I think you see from studying other restaurants you do see chefs and proprietors buckle under the pressure of being held up on this incredible pedestal. Because of course the media typically plays the game of putting them up there and then shooting them off. So we’ve been fortunate in that we’re like an old tree that grew year by year by year. We didn’t just open the doors and skyrocket because what happens very often in those situations is they get locked in and they’re so busy that all they can do is maintain. Being here in the country, we usually have a quiet few weeks in the winter, weekends are the same, but we have some very quiet weeknights that can be these wonderful opportunities to regroup and plan and strategize and reinvent ourselves. Also living out here has created a balance. We don’t go discoing after work like we might if we were in the city. You take a walk, you walk the dog if you have one, you look at the moon. You take a few deep breaths. You might read a little. You learn to hate television. Then you have a pretty good night’s sleep listening to the crickets. I think it helps create longevity and it’s a fabulous antidote to the incredible intensity that goes on here. On a Saturday night when you might have two critics and a head of state and the pressure is just sort of throbbing, you can step out and it feels like it was just an illusion. I used to step out sometimes, my head would be spinning, and I’d look across at the neighbors and they’re porch sitting and you think, “Who has the better life?” But then you remind yourself not to get unbalanced by the intensity. It comes in a wave, then it dissipates.
BLADE: Do you get millennials here?
O’CONNELL: Yes. They come in the kitchen and say hi. And I say, “First time?” They say, “Yes, how’d you know?” “Because you’re so young!” They say their parents have been coming for a long time and that’s very sweet to hear. Not long ago a man came to propose and said he’d been coming here since he was 5. That was really sweet.
BLADE: Society overall has gotten so informal. People go everywhere looking like slobs. Do you see it here?
O’CONNELL: It is changing very perceptively. We used to have a sort of image of our client in our minds because that was the majority. A very well-coiffed woman in a Chanel suit who was extremely well traveled and mentored and schooled in social etiquette by somebody and it’s very different now. Then we had the computer generation and we had people showing up wearing tennis shoes without laces and you thought, “Well maybe they’ve had a foot operation,” but no. It was the idea of, “I’m a success in the computer world, in the IT world, why would I make any effort.” So that was all fine. We’ve always joked when asked if we had a dress code, we say, “Yes — no wet bikinis.” Sometimes you see Armani out in the finest restaurants in Europe and he wears just a black T-shirt. And he’s probably the richest man ever to walk in the place. The Italian and French idea is that you shouldn’t have anything imposed on you. It’s your personality and who you are and that’s acceptable. If you’re here, then you’re supposed to be here. You might be eccentric, you might be odd as hell, you might look like a banshee, but if you’re here then you’re somebody. … But it is a shame that so much of the culture is being lost as it’s being relaxed and supplanted by something else.
BLADE: What’s the last great meal you had in D.C.?
O’CONNELL: It isn’t quite that simple. It’s about what fit my mood perfectly at that moment and who I might have been with. It’s hard when you’re in the biz to turn off your critical faculty. It’s nice to take a poor friend or a 9-year-old child or someone for whom anything is going to be, “Wow, this is really fun,” because then you see it through their eyes. I dine out alone a lot and am quite comfortable doing that.
BLADE: Are you often recognized?
O’CONNELL: Often and that can be delightful except that you often end up eating more than you wanted to eat because you’re sent a little taste of this and that as a courtesy so it becomes a diplomatic occasion and something that has another element to it. It’s fine if you’re in the mood for it like if it’s your birthday or something it’s OK, but if you just stopped in because you had low blood sugar and you couldn’t make it any further, then you have to be on and it’s your night off, so it can be tricky. But I’m very appreciative of the effort anyone makes who’s in this business because I know how hard it is.
BLADE: There’s a lot of back and forth about following one’s passions versus pursuing more practical career paths. As someone who’s done the former, what are your thoughts?
O’CONNELL: Culturally we have a very simple problem. America has led the way in attempting to convince people that there is only one goal and only one game and that is money. The minute you can free yourself of that and realize that that can greatly limit you and that there are many other sources of measuring achievement and success, then you’re open to pursue more of something from within and a direction that’s more true to yourself. My feeling has always been if you do what you love and find out what you love and work toward mastery, everything else will fall into place. You’re not going to have to worry about money, but mastery is something that requires a great deal of sacrifice and commitment and most people simply aren’t willing to make the sacrifice and the degree of commitment required. … There are ways to turn your liabilities into assets.
BLADE: Such as?
O’CONNELL: You look at a gay person who grows up and the first thing they have to do in my generation is disguise so they don’t get beaten or killed. Or at least hated and scorned and whatever. It was automatic. So that terrible adaptation is also a tremendous strength. You want me to play this? OK, I can play this. You master acting right off the bat. You had lemons and you made lemonade and you did what you could but you ultimately benefitted from it.
Patrick O’Connell says slow growth over many years helped the Inn cement its stellar reputation. (Washington Blade photo by Joey DiGuglielmo)
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Introducing the Torchbearers Awards honoring queer, trans women and nonbinary people
Meet the Legends and Illuminators lighting new paths
The Torchbearers Awards are more than recognition—they are a continuation of legacy. They honor the quiet architects of progress in our community: those who organize, advocate, build, and protect, often without fanfare but always with purpose. Rooted in a belief in intentional recognition, this honor names those who carry our movements forward—those who make room for others, who remind us that change is both generational and generative. In a time marked by uncertainty and challenge, these leaders push forward with courage, clarity, and an unwavering commitment to expanding opportunity and equity.
This year’s honorees reflect the full breadth of our community, spanning generations, backgrounds, identities, and industries. From Legends, with decades of leadership and having created pathways for others, to Illuminators, who are lighting new paths with creativity and innovation, each Torchbearer represents the power of intergenerational leadership and the strength found in our diversity. They are organizers, advocates, artists, policy leaders, healers, and changemakers whose lived experiences shape a shared vision for equity and liberation.
This award is our love letter to queer and trans women and nonbinary people who carry the flame when it would be easier to let it dim. To those who consistently show up, who use their voice and visibility and stand firm, often without recognition, so that others may live more freely and fully. The Torchbearers Awards celebrates not just what has been done, but the enduring spirit, responsibility, and collective care that ensure the work continues, and that the flame is always passed forward.
Co-Creators of the Torchbearers Awards: Shannon Alston, June Crenshaw, Heidi Ellis
Torchbearers Awards Advisory Board: Aditi Hardikar, Lesley Bryant, Jasmine Wilson-Bryant, Stephen Rutgers
ILLUMINATOR AWARDEES
- Representative Sharice Davids (she/her), (D, KS-03)
— U.S. House of Representatives - Greisa Martinez Rosas (she/her/ella)
— Executive Director, United We Dream - Paola Ramos (she/her)
— Journalist & Correspondent - Meagan A. Fitzgerald (she/her)
— Journalist & Correspondent - Jessica L. Lewis (she/her)
— Founder / Producer, Play Play DC - Savannah Wade (she/her)
— Founder, OAR Agency - Suhad Babaa (she/her)
— Filmmaker/ Former Executive Director of Just Vision - Ashlee Davis (she/her)
— Global Head of Inclusive Outcomes, Ancestry - Jazmine Hughes (she/her)
— Journalist and Former Editor at New York Times Magazine - Queen Adesuyi (she/they)
— Policy Advisor & Organizer, ReFrame Health & Justice - Michele Rayner, Esq. (she/her)
— Civil Rights Attorney, State Representative (Florida House of Representatives) - Gaby Vincent (she/her)
— Sports/Cultural Commentator and Community Leader - Jenny Nguyen (she/her)
— Founder & Owner, The Sports Bra - Denice Frohman (she/her)
— Independent Artist, Poet / Performer - Vida Rangel (she/her)
— Founder, Our Trans Capital - Roxanne Anderson (they/them)
— Executive Director, Our Space - Ann Marie Gothard (she/her)
— Co-Founder & President, Pride Live (Stonewall National Monument Visitor Center) - Diana Rodriquez (she/her)
— Co-Founder & CEO, Pride Live (Stonewall National Monument Visitor Center) - Wendi Cooper (she/her)
— Founder / Executive Director, Transcending Women - Toya Matthews (she/her)
— City of San Antonio, Texas - Mayor Gina Ortiz Jones (she/her)
— Sports/Cultural Commentator and Community Leader - Charity Blackwell (she/her)
— Poet, LGBTQ Advocate & Community Leader - Wilhelmina Indermaur (she/her)
— Director of Communications, Tyler Clementi Foundation - Em Chadwick (she/her)
— CMO, For Them & Autostraddle - Kylo Freeman (they/he)
— CEO, For Them & Autostraddle
LEGEND AWARDEES
- Sheila Alexander-Reid (she/her)
— Executive Director, PHL Diversity, Philadelphia Convention & Visitors Bureau - Cassandra Cantave Burton (she/her)
— Interim Director of Thought Leadership & Senior Research Advisor, AARP - leigh h. mosley (she/her)
— Photographer / Educator, PhotoFlo Photography - Jenn M. Jackson, PhD (they/them)
— Assistant Professor of Political Science; Author & Columnist, Syracuse University - Jordyn White (she/her)
— COO, Washington Prodigy / VP of Leadership Development & Research, HRC Foundation - AJ Hikes (they/them)
— Deputy Executive Director, ACLU - RaeShanda Lias (she/her)
— Digital Creator, RL Lockhart - Donna Payne-Hardy (she/her)
— Educator, EEO Specialist, Founder of NBJC, Former Leader at the Human Rights Campaign - Courtney R. Snowden (she/her)
— Principal, Blueprint Strategy Group - Gaye Adegbalola (she/her)
— Musician & Activist, Musician / Inductee of the Blues Hall of Fame - Cheryl A. Head (she/her)
— Independent Author, Novelist (Crime Fiction) - Letitia Gomez (she/her)
— The American LGBTQ+ Museum, Board Chair - Lynne Brown (she/her)
— Publisher, Washington Blade - Shay Franco-Clausen (She/Her/Ella/Queen)
— Political Strategist and Organizer - Melissa L. Bradley (she/her)
— Founder & Managing Partner, New Majority Ventures - Meghann Burke (she/her)
— Executive Director, NWSL Players Association - Victoria Kirby York, MPA (she/they)
— Director of Public Policy & Programs, National Black Justice Collective - Joli Angel Robinson (she/her)
— CEO, Center on Halsted - Jeannine Frisby LaRue (she/her)
— CEO, Moxie Strategies - Alice Wu (she/her)
— Film Director (Saving Face, The Half of It) / Screenwriter - Storme Webber (she/her)
— Interdisciplinary Artist / Educator, University of Washington - Kim Stone
— CEO of the Washington Spirit, Washington Spirit - Mickalene Thomas
— American Visual Artist, Mickalene Thomas Studio - Erika Lorshbough (any/they/she)
— Executive Director, interACT - J. Gia Loving (she/ella)
— Co-Executive Director, GSA Network
a&e features
D.C. springs back to life with new, returning events
Cherry blossoms, Rehoboth season kickoff, and more on tap
Longer and warmer days are back meaning: It’s time to get out of the house and enjoy Washington D.C.’s many events. Below are a few to check out this spring.
The National Museum of Women in the Arts will host “Making their Mark: Works from the Shah Garg Collection” until Sunday, July 26. This exhibition illustrates women artists’ vital role in abstraction, considers historical contributions, formal and material breakthroughs and intergenerational relationships among women artists over the last eight decades. For more details, visit. NMWA’s website.
Art in the Attic will host a pop-up on Saturday, March 14 at 6 p.m. at 1012 Madison St., Alexandria, Va. There will be a variety of vendors selling products across different modes of art. For more details, visit Eventbrite.
Play Play will host “Indoor Recess – The art of play” on Sunday, March 15 at 2 p.m. This event will embody classic recess energy, including opportunities to build and experience community and connections through games, movement, art stations, and creative freedom. Tickets are $12.51 and can be purchased on Eventbrite.
Spark Social will host “Gay Bar Crawl on U Street” on Friday, March 20 at 7:30 p.m. This will be a fun night out in gay D.C. with other gay people, whether you’re visiting D.C., new to the area, or just looking to expand your social circle. Many crawlers have formed lasting friendships and even romantic relationships after just one night out. Tickets are $35.88 and are available on Eventbrite.
Creative Suitland Arts Center will host “EFFERVESCENT: House of Swann” on Saturday, May 30 at 7 p.m. This will be a gay, good time where we will celebrate love, joy, wellness, and visibility for the LGBTQIA+ community. Tickets start at $17.85 and can be purchased on Eventbrite.
SWAG Works DC will host “Unapologetically Her” on Saturday, March 14 at 2 p.m. at 701 E St., S.E. This event is a powerful celebration of womanhood, resilience, creativity, and self-expression in honor of Women’s History Month. This all-women exhibition highlights the diverse voices, stories, and artistic perspectives of women who create boldly, live authentically, and stand confidently in their truth. This event is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.
9:30 Club will host “Gimme Gimme Disco: A Dance Party Inspired by ABBA” on Saturday, March 14 at 6 p.m. There will also be a “Donna Summer Power Hour – The Queen of Disco” segment during this event. It’ll be one hour of music with no skips. Tickets are available on 9:30 Club’s website.
Harder Better Faster Stronger will host “Heated Rivalry Rave” on Friday, March 20 at 9 p.m. at Howard Theatre. This event is open to all ages. Tickets are available on the theater’s website.
CAMP Rehoboth hosts its 25th annual Women’s+ FEST, April 9-12 in Rehoboth Beach, Del. Entertainers include headliner Mina Hartong, a comedian, storyteller, and founder of Lez Out Loud; and singer Yoli Mayor. There are dances, dinners, pickleball, and much more. Details and tickets at camprehoboth.org.
Also in Rehoboth Beach, the Washington Blade’s 19th annual Summer Kickoff Party is set for Friday, May 15 featuring Ashley Biden, who will accept an award on behalf of her brother Beau. State Rep. Claire Snyder-Hall will also speak. More speakers and the venue to be announced soon.
The annual D.C. Cherry Blossom Festival kicks off March 21 at DAR Constitution Hall and culminates with Petalpalooza on April 4, the day-long, outdoor street party with music and art, stretching across Navy Yard, and ending with fireworks over the Anacostia River.
a&e features
‘Queer Eye’ star Dorriene Diggs on life before and after appearing on hit show
Emotional January episode highlighted 40-year love affair with partner
Dorriene Diggs, 70, whose 40-year relationship with her domestic partner, Diane until Diane’s passing in 2020, the couple’s tense relationship with their respective parents, and Dorriene’s current living arrangement with her straight sister Jo, were the focus of a final season episode of the popular TV series “Queer Eye.”
In a recent interview with the Washington Blade, Diggs told of how her appearance on the show has impacted her life. She elaborated on the many aspects of her life experiences that she told to the five “Queer Eye” co-hosts who interviewed her and her sister in their D.C. home.
Although her parents and her partner’s parents, who have since passed away, were not accepting of their relationship, Diggs has said most of her family members at this time reacted positively to her appearance on the show.
“They loved it,” she told the Blade. “Yes, everybody that saw the show called me and said they loved the show, they really enjoyed themselves watching it.”
Through an arrangement with D.C.’s Rainbow History Project, the “Queer Eye” show featuring Diggs and her sister was presented in a special screening on a large video screen at the D.C. History Center in January.
“Dorriene, a 70-year-old Black lesbian living in Washington, D.C., had spent decades building a life with her partner while navigating silence within her own family,” a “Queer Eye” statement announcing the episode on Diggs states.
“The Fab Five did not arrive to introduce Dorriene to herself, but to help ensure her story was finally heard in full,” the statement says.
Blade: Can you tell us how your appearance on the “Queer Eye” program came about? How did they find out about you?
Diggs: You know, I still don’t have all the details. I think it was my niece, Missy. And she knows somebody there from “Queer Eye.”
Blade: So, did you first learn about it when someone from “Queer Eye” contacted you?
Diggs: No, the “Queer Eye” guy knocked on my bedroom door and started talking. I was in my bedroom watching television and the next thing I know my door opened up and there was Karamo [Karamo Brown, one of the “Queer Eye” co-hosts] with his big black cowboy hat on, opening the door grinning. … They contacted Jo first. And when they came here, they realized there was a gay woman in the house, too. Because my name was not mentioned at first. After they came here, they learned about me, because when Missy reached out to them, she reached out to them about Jo. But that doesn’t bother me. This was all about Jo in the beginning, and not me. … They started talking to me and Jo. And he said, Dorriene, ‘you’ve done so much for so many people, it’s time for someone to do something for you.’ That’s what they said. He said, ‘this is the day we’re doing it for you.’
And so, they put me and my sister up in a hotel for a week. They gave us a personal driver to take us anywhere we wanted to go. And then they took us to a bunch of places. We didn’t know why they were doing all of this. We had no idea that they were renovating the house and renovating our bedrooms. We had no idea.
Blade: What was your reaction when you saw the home renovation?
Diggs: It was amazing. And they bought us all new complete wardrobes – clothes, shoes. But most of the stuff they got me I gave away to a women’s shelter. But it was so nice. Actually, to meet the guys. I’ve been watching the show for 10 years. I have watched it from the beginning. And actually, it brought me and my sister closer – really. We’re closer now than we’ve ever been. She’s my baby sister – not the baby, but next to the baby. She’s the younger one.
Blade: What has been the reaction to your appearance on the show? Do more people now recognize you?
Diggs: Yes, yes. I’m getting phone calls and it’s almost like I’m a celebrity. And I don’t want people to make a fuss over me. All the things I did I did from the heart. I really did. And I don’t want people to think I’m more than I am. I’m just a good Christian woman that believes in giving back.
And I do. God gives me help giving. That’s what I do. And I don’t want anything in return from anyone. You know, because I know what it means to not to have. I know what it means to go to bed hungry, with no food. Going to school with holes in your shoes. I know that. I know that feeling. I’ve been there. And I promised myself as a kid I would never live like this again. And when I got bold enough to leave home, I left home at 14, and I moved in with a drag queen. Damen was his name.
Blade: Did your appearance on the show change your life and your relationship with your sister?
Diggs: Yeah, yeah, it actually did. We are actually closer now than we’ve ever been. Because, like I said, I moved away from home early and I never went back. My parents had a problem with my lifestyle. They really did. My mom looked at me with such hatred. When I was old enough to say goodbye, I never looked back. And to come back around now in the last few years after Diane died, that’s when I came back here.
And at one point I stayed with my nephew Todd and his wife – but he got killed in a car accident. I couldn’t stay at his house anymore. So, then I called Jo and told her I need to get out of here. And without hesitating she came and picked me up and brought me to her home. And I’ve been here ever since.
Blade: Can you tell a little about when it came about and how you met your partner?
Diggs: We lived on 18th Avenue in condos. I just bought one. Hers was above mine. I bought the bottom one. When my brother came over, she was getting out of her car. She was driving a Vega. And I turned to my brother and I said – this is the God’s honest truth – I said Keith, that’s the woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. Just like that. And he started laughing. He said, girl you’re crazy. I said I know I’m crazy, Keith, but I’m telling you that woman right there is who I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.
Blade: And when was that?
Diggs: It was 1980 actually. And then I started going to the laundry room to do my laundry. So I started talking to her. She said, ‘I’m not speaking to you.’ Isaid ‘why not?’ She said ‘because you’re nothing but a female gigolo.’ And I said I’m not dating anymore. I’m waiting for you. ‘No, you’re too fast for me.’ I said, ‘well, I’m not giving up.’
And I didn’t give up. So, I was playing an album one day and she knocked on the door and asked what I was playing, I think. I said you liked that. She said yeah. I said OK, I’ll bring it upstairs and we can listen to it together. So, when I went up there to her apartment that day and whenever I went up there, I never left.
Blade: So, your partner’s name was Diane?
Diggs: Yes, Ruth Diane Robinson. But she hated the name Ruth. So, the only people who called her Ruth were at work, the people she worked with. Everybody else called her Diane.
Blade: And how many years were you together?
Diggs: Forty. Forty years together
Blade: And where were you living with her most of the time?
Diggs: We lived in Hagerstown the longest, Hagerstown, Md. And so, if Diane hadn’t died I probably still would have been in our house in Hagerstown.
Blade: Can you tell me a little about what you were doing career wise during those years?
Diggs: I do computers. I used to do computers. And before that I cooked. I love to cook like my mom. And then I wanted to do something else. So, I taught myself computers. I taught myself how to build computers and stuff. So, then I got my own computer business called Ida One Computer Consulting. And so, we helped build computers for people.
Blade: Around when was this, in the 1980a or 1990s?
Diggs: Yes, in the 1980s. I think I stopped I would say around ’96, when I stopped. Because we both said we were going to retire at 55. And we did. We both retired at 55. And then she started diabetes. Every day I had to give her an injection because she was afraid of needles. She couldn’t give it to herself. So, I had to give her an injection every day One time, I don’t remember when, she had a mild stroke. And I had to take care of her. I’ve always taken care of her. And I don’t regret it. I never regretted it. It’s taking care of the one you love.
Blade: When was it that she passed away?
Diggs: In 2020. I found her on the kitchen floor.
Blade: How did your family and your extended family react to your relationship with Diane?
Diggs: Well, her family, oh my God, they hated me – her mother the worst. Because I put a stop to them treating her really bad. I told her mother – I said never in my life – my mother raised me well. Never disrespect someone’s mother. I said but this time I’m going to disrespect you because you are going to start treating Diane like you ought to. This is a wonderful woman and you and your son and you it’s always about your son. You never, ever say anything good about your daughter.
I said it isn’t going to happen again. You’re never going to disrespect her again. I said you take a damn good look at her because you’ll never see her again. I meant that. I grabbed Diane. I said it’s time to go. They don’t care about you.
Blade: Can you tell a little about your family?
Diggs: Yeah, I’m a triplet sister. So, it’s Dorriene, Chorine, and Chrissy — we are the triplets. So, my mom had a set of twins and a set of triplets within nine months. One of the twins died at birth. So, the other twin is Margaret.
Blade: So then how did your family react to you and Jo being on “Queer Eye”?
Diggs: Most of my family really had no problem with it.
Blade: Were you out to them?
Diggs: Oh yeah. I was never in the closet. I didn’t give a damn what people felt about me, sweetheart. I really didn’t. I didn’t care. Because I was going to be me. And for people who didn’t like it, I wasn’t living for them, I was living for me. I’ve always been out. I had a brother who was also gay, Marvin. God rest his soul, too. But he stayed in the closet. He was in the closet until he was about 55 years old.
But everything I said on the show was the truth – my account. The things that I went through with family … You can’t tell me how I felt. If they try to make mom and dad out as perfect, they weren’t perfect. They were the worst parents. That’s my account of it.
So yes, everything I said on that interview was the truth. That’s one thing people who know me know – I do not lie.
Blade: What are some of the things you like to do these days?
Diggs: I’m a sports lover. I love sports. So, my baseball season is getting ready to get started. Baseball is my favorite sport. Yes, I love baseball. I like the statistics of it. And watching the guys. I wish they had a women’s professional baseball team, honestly. … I’m a D.C. sports fan. The Wizards, the Nationals, the Mystics, the Caps. … And see, I’m a diehard Redskins fan and I refuse to call them the Commanders. They’re the Redskins. They will always be the Redskins to me. I love my sports teams.
Blade: Can you tell a little about the history of the house where you and Jo now live and where they did the filming of the “Queer Eye” show?
Diggs: Jo had a house on 17th Street, I think it was Northeast because it was over there by H Street, N.E. And I think somebody wanted to buy her house. I don’t know why she moved. So, she found this house. Because she wanted to buy something where she could buy a house straight out. She didn’t want a mortgage on another house.
Blade: What are your thoughts on being on the last season of “Queer Eye?”
Diggs: Yeah, we were the last ones. We took it out with a bang, me and Jo. That was it.
Blade: Can you say how you and Jo appearing on the show impacted your life?
Diggs: I don’t know. I’m the same person. I’ve been getting calls from people saying I saw you on the show. And friends who I haven’t seen in years have been calling. … So yeah, the show, people I haven’t seen and talked to in years have been calling. I think that’s a good thing.
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