Living
In shakeup, HRC poised to lead Md. marriage effort
Longtime activist Dana Beyer will serve as executive director of a new group, Gender Rights Maryland, which will work to pass a gender identity anti-discrimination bill; HRC poised to lead revamped Md. marriage effort.
The Human Rights Campaign is expected to emerge as the coordinator of a reorganized coalition of national and local LGBT groups pushing for passage of a same-sex marriage bill in the Maryland Legislature next year, according to sources familiar with the effort.
In a separate development, a new statewide transgender advocacy organization called Gender Rights Maryland announced its presence on the Maryland political scene this week, saying it will take the lead role in pushing for a “comprehensive” gender identity non-discrimination bill.
Attempts failed earlier this year to pass same-sex marriage and gender identity bills in the Maryland Legislature. Now, insiders familiar with LGBT politics in the state say these two new developments represent a shakeup of the established order, where the LGBT group Equality Maryland led lobbying efforts on behalf of the two bills for the past seven years.
Meanwhile, rumors that HRC has offered to make a significant cash contribution to the financially troubled Equality Maryland in exchange for the group allowing HRC to select its next executive director were heightened this week when HRC’s regional field director, Sultan Shakir, began working at Equality Maryland’s headquarters office in Baltimore on Monday.
“HRC is working with local and national groups to help build a strong campaign to pass Equality Maryland’s entire legislative agenda next year,” said HRC spokesperson Fred Sainz. “While HRC currently has a field staffer working in the Baltimore headquarters to support their new executive director, there are no set plans to keep him there,” he said.
“Reports of large cash contributions in return for certain actions are completely false as evidenced by the fact that Equality Maryland has a leader,” Sainz told the Blade on Wednesday.
Sainz was referring to the selection last month by the Equality Maryland board of LGBT rights advocate Lynne Bowman of Ohio as Equality Maryland’s interim executive director. The board, which said it was conducting a search for a permanent executive director, named Bowman to the interim post after firing the previous executive director, Morgan Meneses-Sheets.
Meneses-Sheets’ dismissal prompted the group’s development director and chief fundraiser, Matthew Thorn, to resign in protest, raising questions about whether the staff turmoil would further hinder the group’s finances.
Two sources familiar with Equality Maryland who spoke on condition that they not be identified, said some Equality Maryland staffers and board members reported that HRC had expressed an interest in installing HRC’s Shakir as the lead decision maker for Equality Maryland regardless of the title he would assume.
The sources said Shakir is well-liked by most LGBT activists in Maryland who know him and is viewed as a qualified strategist on LGBT issues. But they said reports of HRC arranging for one of its chief lieutenants to assume a lead role in Equality Maryland’s day-to-day operations would be viewed by some Maryland activists as an intrusion by a national group into the affairs of an established state organization.
“Sultan is here to look at, with me, which is part of the job I was brought in to do, how the marraige campaign was run during the beginning of this year and to start to make some plans for how we can move foward,” Bowman said on Wednesday. “He is not an employee of Equality Maryland. He’s not going to start running Equality Maryland. It’s simply a partnership extra hand on deck as we move things forward.”
Bowman noted that Shakir worked on the marriage campaign during the Maryland legislative session this year as part of HRC’s field team.
“He has a history and perspective that I don’t have,” she said.
Patrick Wojahn, a member of the board of the Equality Maryland Foundation, which operates out of the same offices as Equality Maryland, said it wasn’t unusual for a staff member of HRC – which he noted is one of Equality Maryland’s national coalition partners – to be spending time in the Equality Maryland office.
“But I can tell you Sultan Shakir has no formal relationship with our organization right now and there is no intention to give him one,” Wojahn said. “I can say that we’re working together with HRC. We appreciate their support but our relationship is as a coalition partner with them and no more,” he said.
Evan Wolfson, executive director of the national same-sex marriage advocacy group Freedom to Marry, confirmed that his organization is among the national groups working with HRC to put together a revamped and strengthened Maryland marriage equality coalition.
“Freedom to Marry is going to look closely together with HRC, with Equality Maryland, with local leaders and other players at how best to set up the team effort to get the job done,” he said. “I look at this as a really positive thing.”
Wolfson acknowledged that many in the LGBT community were disappointed over a decision earlier this year to recommit Maryland’s same-sex marriage bill to committee in the state’s House of Delegates after it passed in the State Senate by a comfortable margin. Recommitting the measure to committee killed it for the legislature’s 2011 session, which ended April 11.
Advocates for the bill were divided over the decision to recommit it to committee. Some blamed the national groups — including HRC and Freedom to Marry — for pressuring Equality Maryland and the seven gay or lesbian members of the House of Delegates to go along with a decision to pull the bill rather than risk a losing vote.
“We decided we needed a little more time to make the case and pick up the extra couple of votes that were short,” Wolfson told the Blade on Tuesday. “And so what we’re looking at now is how we do that in the strongest, best way possible to pick up where we left off, fix the things that we need to do better and make the case to pick up the remaining votes.”
He said representatives of the emerging new coalition are already making plans for an aggressive outreach to the black community in Prince George’s County and other parts of the state where black lawmakers were reluctant to support the bill following opposition from black churches.
“We believe there is actually significant African-American support in Maryland and there are certainly many African-American families and allies who have important stories to tell that can help shore up the votes,” Wolfson said. “And we want to get those stories out there. So the work over the next several months is to do exactly that.”
Beyer to head new trans group
Dana Beyer (Blade file photo by Michael Key)
In a statement released on Tuesday, the newly formed group Gender Rights Maryland announced that former eye surgeon and nationally recognized transgender rights advocate Dana Beyer will serve as the group’s executive director.
Sharon Brackett, president and CEO of a Maryland-based systems engineering company, will serve as chair of the group’s board, a statement released by the group said.
Three other founding board members include Donna Cartwright, co-president of Pride AT Work, an LGBT group within the AFL-CIO; Caroline Temmermand, division chief for Parks and National Resources for Arlington County, Va.; and Alex Hickcox, former board member of Equality Maryland.
“The purpose of Gender Rights Maryland is to promote civil rights, education, tolerance, equality and acceptance on the basis of sex and gender identity/expression in the State of Maryland,” the group said in its statement. “Gender Rights Maryland’s initial legislative goal is to see the passage of a comprehensive gender identity anti-discrimination bill by the end of the 2012 legislative session.”
Beyer told the Blade that the new group plans to work closely with Equality Maryland, which led efforts to push for the gender identity bill this year and in past years.
But she noted that the staff shake-up at Equality Maryland in April, when the board fired Meneses-Sheets and its chief fundraiser resigned in protest, has raised questions about whether it has the capability to begin lobbying effectively on the gender identity bill between now and January, when the legislature begins its 2012 session.
Beyer said one of the group’s first objectives will be to raise funds needed to hire a professional lobbyist to coordinate a campaign on behalf of the gender identity bill.
One of the biggest headaches of the new home process is the actual moving part. By the time someone is buying a home, most people are beyond the “I just need a pickup truck, a pizza and a case of beer for my friends.”
If that is still someone’s preferred way to move, that’s great. However, many people find they need a much more robust plan. It can also trigger a lot of feelings about items one owns, what to do with them, do they have too much, should I keep this memento that I never use? Etc.
Moving is a chance for a person to “clean house” literally, figuratively, spiritually and energetically. A person can figure out which items they want to keep, and which need to go. As someone who recently moved across the country, I can speak to this experience. It’s also time for what people call “the fresh start effect.” This phenomenon, according to psychologists, can happen in little moments (like the start of a new work week) and bigger moments (such as moving from one home to the next).
The fresh start effect offers these benefits often mentioned by psychologists:
- Mental Accounting: Dates act as chapter breaks, letting you put past failures into a previous period.
- Psychological Distance: You separate your flawed past self from your aspirational future self (“That was the old me”).
- Optimism Boost: New beginnings clear mental clutter and increase your sense of agency and control
Does this mean that “the new you” will be the perfect version you envisioned? Probably not. We are humans. But it might mean you get a chance to “leave some of the old you behind” within the walls you used to live in, and now have a chance to have a new layout, a new décor, a new color pattern, new wallpaper, donate old furniture and books or magazines, throw out clothes you no longer use or fit in, and enjoy the opportunity to literally use the, “Does this spark joy?” method that was made so popular by Marie Kondo in her Netflix series.
So, for all its hassle and headache, moving is a chance to shake off the “old you” and try on the new you, to incorporate the items you would like to keep and use more of, and shed the items, habits, and ways of thinking that you feel no longer serve you.
I can speak to the experiences that several of my clients had when they moved from a previous residence to a newer one. It usually coincided with a change in relationship status, a change in employment, a change in family size, but sometimes it just seemed to correlate to a new attitude and perspective that the client was really hoping for.
I have literally had clients come to me after the fact, in tears, that they were so happy they made the decision to move out of a situation that no longer served them, and move into one that felt like a much better fit.
Change can be annoying and overwhelming at times, but usually most people come out the other side, not wanting to return to the way they were before.
Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with RLAH. Reach him at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].
Despite a U.S. political climate that has made electric vehicles about as welcome as a vegan at a Texas barbecue, automakers haven’t gotten the memo. The 2027 BMW iX3 and Rivian R2—in showrooms soon—prove the point. But think of them as distant cousins: one arrives impeccably dressed; the other probably has a kayak strapped to the roof.
BMW iX3
$62,000
Range: Up to 434 miles
0 to 60 mph: 4.7 seconds
Cargo space: 30.4 cu. ft.
PROS: Huge driving range. Distinctive styling. Cutting-edge interior.
CONS: Quirky digital controls. Only one U.S. trim level. Pricey options.
WHAT’S NEW: This is BMW’s first production model on its state-of-the-art Neue Klasse platform, radically changing the technology, cabin and electric drivetrain.
The iX3 arrives on our shores in one trim level, the iX3 50 xDrive. Load it up with options and you can sail well past $80,000.
Depending on configuration, this luxe EV delivers an astonishing range before recharging. And a dual-motor, all-wheel-drive system produces 463 horsepower, which allows you to tootle around as fast as a Porsche 718 sportster.
The new “Panoramic iDrive” spreads information across the base of the windshield, supplemented by a central display and steering-wheel controls. An available 3D head-up display adds even more info. It’s futuristic, busy and unmistakably BMW—like someone decided the dashboard needed its own coming-out party.
Then there’s the “Heart of Joy” computer, which coordinates the motors, braking and steering for sharper responses and smoother control. The name may sound like something from a self-help retreat, but the innovation makes the iX3 seriously entertaining to drive.
You also can charge the iX3 from 10 percent to 80 percent in just 21 minutes. Nice.
This isn’t merely an electric X3 with the gasoline bits removed. It’s a tech reset for BMW. Compared with the R2, the iX3 is more polished, more luxurious…but, alas, considerably pricier.
RIVIAN R2
$45,000
Range: Up to 345 miles
0 to 60 mph: 5.9 seconds
Cargo space: 28.7 cu. ft.
PROS: Affordable luxury. Rugged looks. Clever storage.
CONS: No smartphone integration. No glass-roof shade. Touchy touchscreen.
WHAT’S NEW: Everything—the R2 is Rivian’s all-new, smaller electric SUV, and it brings the brand’s adventure-first attitude to a price point far below the larger R1S.
If the BMW iX3 is wearing a beautifully tailored jacket, the Rivian R2 has its sleeves rolled up.
With edgy styling, this is no anonymous crossover wearing an EV costume. Chunky details. Upright proportions. Distinctive lighting all give off an outdoorsy vibe without turning the R2 into a rolling REI catalog.
There are four configurations, with pricing from $45,000 to $58,000. That’s a big difference from the BMW—and potentially the R2’s biggest weapon.
The stats aren’t shabby, either. Driving range is from 275 to 345 miles. The dual-motor, all-wheel-drive setup produces between 350 horsepower and a frankly bonkers 656 horsepower. And the high-performance model lets you zip from 0-to-60 mph in just 3.6 seconds.
Drag-racing credentials? Absolutely!
Inside, there is lots of clever packaging, with flexible seating and generous storage. This EV is designed to carry actual stuff, not merely impress your neighbors.
Yes, there are quirks. Rivian skips Apple CarPlay and Android Auto, while everyday controls—some of which are less than intuitive—live on the touchscreen. And the panoramic glass roof lacks a conventional shade. Huh?
For some owners, those will be minor annoyances. For others, they’ll become daily reminders that Rivian marches to its own beat.
Perhaps that’s not a bad thing, though. The R2 feels less buttoned-up, more mischievous. It’s the automotive equivalent of Billy Porter ignoring the dress code and somehow looking better than everyone who followed it.
Advice
We’re getting married but our parents object
Will their disapproval and shortcomings derail our hopes for a happy life?
Dear Michael,
My girlfriend and I are getting married! We’re really excited, but we’ve got some big concerns as well.
All of our parents have had multiple marriages. I think 10 between the four of them. So we don’t have much in the way of role models for a successful marriage.
Also, we don’t have any parental support. Except for one of my ex-stepmothers whom I’m close to, none of our parents are happy that their daughter is getting married to another woman. That’s an understatement. Religious objections, moral objections, being angry that we’re “embarrassing them,” these are some of the things we’ve been told.
We do have some supportive siblings and step-siblings, which is great, although they’re getting pushback from parents about attending our wedding.
Given all this, what suggestions do you have for how we can make a go of our marriage? The divorce rate is over 50 percent for everyone. With all this baggage, we’re worried that we have even less of a chance. Thank you.
Michael replies:
First, congratulations!
Regarding your lack of family support: I’m sorry that you both have to deal with so much criticism, disdain, and judgment. Please don’t let your parents’ negativity influence your own views of yourselves and your relationship. Focus instead on the love and caring you will get from friends, community and the family who are present on your big day (I hope your siblings are brave enough to make it!). Being the recipients of that support is one of the sweetest parts of getting married.
Don’t worry about the high divorce rate. While some couples really shouldn’t stay married, lots of people get divorced because they don’t know what is required to have a good marriage, or don’t put in the effort to do so. That does not have to be your fate.
Similarly, your parents’ terrible track record doesn’t mean you have to repeat their marital histories. The skills to have a strong marriage are learnable.
To that end, here are the best tips I can offer the two of you:
- If you want a loving marriage, be a loving partner. Don’t snipe, sulk, or do the silent treatment when you’re mad. Unconditional love is largely a myth. Even our dogs won’t love us if we are mean to them.
- Don’t spend much time or effort focusing on what your spouse is doing wrong or how she is letting you down. Doing so leads to resentment and feeling like you’re a powerless victim. Instead, ask yourself what your own contribution is to the problem, and what you can do to make things better. You don’t have much power over your partner, but you have a lot of power over yourself.
You can certainly ask your spouse for what you’d like from her, but don’t expect to always get it. And don’t base your own wellbeing or good behavior on what your partner does or doesn’t do.
- Because any two people are always different in some important ways, there is no way that you both can always want the same things, or think the same way, or have the same priorities. Accept this! There has to be room for each of you to be an individual, not only part of a couple.
- Be generous as often as you can be, and have a boundary when it’s important for you to have one.
- When your spouse states that she has a boundary, respect it. Do not push her to back off from something that is important to her.
- Don’t keep score, including how much more you do or how often you don’t get your way. Instead, work together to have a collaborative marriage where you work together to make decisions and get things done.
- Strive not to weigh the relationship down with neediness. Once we’re grownups, it’s mainly our own job to soothe ourselves. You don’t want to burn out your partner’s empathy.
Of course you can ask for a hug, love, reassurance, support, advice, and a shoulder to cry on when you’re down. Just aim be the first person you turn to when you’re upset, and do your best to keep your own mood steady.
- Do not wait for your significant other to go first. Not on planning a date, not on apologizing, not on loading the dishwasher or cleaning the bathroom. If you wait for her to make the first move, you will have a resentful relationship where nothing good ever happens.
Keeping these principles part of your operating system, even — and especially — at those moments when your spouse isn’t doing her best, will go a long way toward helping you build and maintain a loving and happy marriage.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
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