Living
Hopeful glimmers
LGBT education activists report small gains despite overall political hostility
Despite setbacks, LGBT education activists are still making strides. (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)
My son is starting high school this fall, which I find hard to believe. It seems like just yesterday that I was driving him to preschool. This year feels different for other reasons, too.
Last year, we headed into school time with the assumption that progress toward LGBT equality and inclusion in education would continue with little hindrance. This year, however, the pall of federal actions against LGBT students, particularly transgender ones, hangs heavy over all of us.
One of the first acts of the Trump administration was to withdraw guidance instituted by the Obama administration on how schools should protect transgender and gender-nonconforming students under Title IX. More recently, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos, a proponent of allowing students to use publicly subsidized vouchers to go to private schools, was asked by reporters on Aug. 4, “if she would intervene if states offered vouchers to private schools that discriminated against LGBT students,” the ACLU reports. They note, “She declined to answer or provide reassurance that taxpayer dollars would not be used to discriminate.”
And despite growing efforts in recent years to reduce anti-LGBT and other forms of bullying in schools and online, we now have a president whose personal behavior has been described as “a lot like plain old bullying” (CNN’s Chris Cillizza) and “bear[ing] many of the hallmarks of cyberbullying” (Politico’s Sarah Holder).
If you think the president’s behavior doesn’t have an impact in our schools, think again. In November, the Southern Poverty Law Center’s Teaching Tolerance project conducted an online survey of 10,000 K-12 educators across the country.
“More than 2,500 said they knew of fights, threats, assaults and other incidents that could be traced directly to election rhetoric,” it said in a statement. “Many teachers took pains to point out that the incidents they were reporting represent a distinct uptick; these dynamics are new and can be traced directly to the results of the election.” The behavior, it noted, was “directed against immigrants, Muslims, girls, LGBT students, kids with disabilities and anyone who was on the ‘wrong’ side of the election.”
What hope can we find then, in back-to-school times like these?
First, I do believe we will retain much of the progress we have made toward LGBT inclusion and understanding in schools. Organizations like GLSEN, PFLAG and HRC’s Welcoming Schools project have been doing terrific on-the-ground work for years. Resources for educators continue to increase. One recent notable work is Rethinking Sexism, Gender and Sexuality, an essay collection from Rethinking Schools that offers both practical tips and reflective insights on creating classrooms, curriculum and more to nurture all children.
The professional organizations of educators, too, are continuing their support. Last summer, the National Education Association, the National Parent Teacher Association and the American Federation of Teachers had all announced support for plans and policies to promote safety and support for LGBT students, working in partnership with local, state and federal authorities.
Right after the Trump administration’s announcement on trans students this year, Federation President Randi Weingarten said in a statement, “We want to be clear to those kids: (Abuse and harassment at school for being trans) is not OK with your teachers or with us at the (Federation), and we will continue fighting to protect you.”
Additionally, the Federation invited trans student Gavin Grimm, who brought a federal lawsuit against his school for not letting him use the restroom corresponding to his gender identity, to speak at their biennial TEACH convention in Washington in July.
The National Education Association kept up its support by adopting a resolution in June to “continue to advance” the rights of LGBT students and educators with a series of specific actions, including offering its members tools to promote local policies; legislative support; filing “friend of the court” briefs; and not holding meetings in cities with discriminatory policies. The organization also honored federal marriage equality plaintiff Jim Obergefell at its 2017 Human and Civil Rights Awards in July.
And when the Department of Education invited representatives from two anti-LGBT groups to speak at its “Engaging Fathers and Families” event in June, the National Parent Teacher Association withdrew.
I am also encouraged by the strength and resilience of young people themselves. The status of Gavin Grimm’s lawsuit is in question now that he has graduated, but he recently told LGBTQ Nation that despite the government’s anti-trans actions, “I see a positive future … because the conversation is growing.”
Regardless of whether Grimm himself succeeds, others are continuing the fight. Three trans students, Juliet Evancho, Elissa Ridenour and A.S., backed by Lambda Legal, reached a settlement Aug. 1 in which the Pine-Richland School District in Pennsylvania agreed to respect trans students’ identities with regard to student records, names and pronouns; to include gender identity in its nondiscrimination policies and to allow them to use the bathroom matching their gender identities.
And thanks to the efforts of trans advocates and allies in New Jersey, Gov. Chris Christie (R), not known as a strong LGBT supporter, at the end of July signed legislation requiring the state education commission to develop guidelines to create safe and non-discriminatory school environments for trans students.
All is not doom and gloom, therefore, although we shouldn’t minimize the struggles that remain. For those seeking some advice and assistance on navigating schools as an LGBT family, I’ve updated my annual annotated list of LGBT back-to-school resources, which you can find at mombian.com.
May the worst struggle we have this year be in trying to get our kids to do their homework.
Dana Rudolph is the founder and publisher of Mombian (mombian.com), a GLAAD Media Award-winning blog and resource directory for LGBT parents.
Real Estate
Factors to consider when hiring an interior designer
It’s essential to have confidence in the professionals you engage
(StatePoint) Ready to redesign your home? Whether you have only a vague notion of how you want your spaces to look or a very specific vision, relying on the expertise of a professional can help you bring your dream home to life. Before choosing and hiring an interior designer, though, be sure to take the following factors into consideration:
Style: Identify your style. Is it boho chic? Industrial? Maximalist? Many designers have their own signature look and preferences. It’s best to understand what vibe you want first, then search for a designer who aligns with that style.
Past client projects: One of the best ways to know whether a particular designer is the right fit for you is to review their past client projects. Ask to see their portfolio or review their finished projects on their website or socials. Also, take a look at reviews and testimonials to ensure their previous customers walked away satisfied with a job well done.
Budget: Communicate your budget in advance of work to confirm that you and your designer are on the same page financially. Your decorator will need this ballpark figure to get a handle on the scope of the project and to make design decisions accordingly. You should also use this conversation to understand their rates so you can decide whether you want to move forward.
Preferred vendors: It’s important that the interior designer you choose has preferred vendors that they work with. These are partners they’ve built strong relationships with that provide the same first-rate experience they do, and have streamlined processes in place. “A home renovation has so many moving parts. That’s why we try to take the hassle out of the process for designers and homeowners alike,” says Katie Zess, senior marketing manager and director of Renewal by Andersen’s Interior Designer Loyalty Program.
Through the loyalty program, the full-service window and door replacement division of Andersen Corporation offers their program members exclusive access and rewards, including a “designer discount” they can share with their clients. Renewal by Andersen also offers designers a dedicated point of contact to ensure a smooth process that’s customized for your project from start to finish. To learn more, visit renewalbyandersen.com.
Before you begin your home renovation, it’s essential to have confidence in the professionals you hire. Be sure your interior designer has fostered partnerships that will streamline your redesign, and that their goals and budget aligns with yours.
Real Estate
The LGBTQ real estate map is being redrawn
Affordability, higher mortgage rates reshaping where we choose to call home
For decades, the map of LGBTQ+ America was relatively easy to recognize.
New York. San Francisco. Los Angeles. Palm Springs. Provincetown. Fort Lauderdale and Wilton Manors.
These communities became LGBTQ+ destinations because they offered something that wasn’t always easy to find elsewhere: visibility, acceptance, community and the freedom to live openly.
But that map is changing.
Today’s LGBTQ+ homebuyers are navigating a housing market defined by high prices, elevated mortgage rates and affordability challenges. At the same time, remote and hybrid work, retirement and the growth of LGBTQ+ communities beyond traditional destinations are giving buyers more choices about where to live.
Increasingly, the question isn’t simply, “Where are the most LGBTQ-friendly places to live?”
It’s also: “Where can I find community and afford the life I want?”
That shift may become one of the defining LGBTQ+ real estate trends of the coming decade.
Affordability Is Changing the Conversation
For many buyers, the biggest issue in today’s housing market is simple: the monthly payment.
The average 30-year fixed mortgage rate was 6.95% in mid-September, compared with 6.26% a year earlier, according to Freddie Mac.
Meanwhile, the median price of an existing U.S. home reached $429,100 in August, according to the National Association of Realtors.
The combination of elevated home prices and higher borrowing costs has changed what many Americans can afford—and where they can afford it.
Some buyers are purchasing smaller homes or condominiums. Others are moving farther from major urban centers. Still others are reconsidering expensive markets entirely.
For LGBTQ+ buyers, this is helping broaden the definition of an LGBTQ+-friendly place to call home.
LGBTQ+ Buyers Have More Choices
A generation ago, relocating away from a major city or established gay neighborhood could sometimes mean sacrificing access to a visible LGBTQ+ community.
That’s increasingly less true.
Traditional LGBTQ+ destinations such as Palm Springs, Fort Lauderdale and Wilton Manors, San Francisco, New York and Provincetown remain important centers of LGBTQ+ life. But today, LGBTQ+ buyers can also find established or growing communities in cities across the country.
Places such as Minneapolis, Columbus, Pittsburgh, Richmond, Atlanta and the Tampa Bay area are among the markets attracting buyers who may be looking for a different balance of housing costs, lifestyle and community.
The goal isn’t necessarily to find the cheapest house.
It’s to find the right combination of affordability, LGBTQ+ community, lifestyle, employment opportunities, healthcare, culture and quality of life.
Remote and hybrid work have expanded those possibilities for some buyers. If a job no longer requires being in an expensive employment center five days a week, the geographic search for a home can become considerably larger.
That can make communities that once seemed impractical suddenly worth considering.
Retirement Is Redrawing the Map, Too
Retirement is another important part of the changing LGBTQ+ real estate landscape.
As more Americans reach retirement age, LGBTQ+ retirees are considering where they want to spend the next chapter of their lives. Housing costs, taxes, healthcare, climate and proximity to airports, restaurants and cultural activities all play a role.
But LGBTQ+ retirees may have additional questions.
Will I feel comfortable living openly?
Is there an LGBTQ+ community nearby?
Can I find LGBTQ+-affirming healthcare?
Will I have opportunities to build a social network as I get older?
Those considerations can make choosing a retirement destination particularly personal.
Palm Springs and Fort Lauderdale/Wilton Manors remain well-known LGBTQ+ retirement destinations. But retirees are also exploring smaller cities and communities across the Southeast, Midwest and other regions where housing costs and lifestyles can look very different.
For many, the search is becoming less about moving to a famous gay destination and more about finding a place where community, lifestyle and affordability intersect.
Buyers Finally Have More Leverage
There is another significant change in today’s housing market: buyers have regained some negotiating power.
The National Association of Realtors reported 1.62 million existing homes for sale in August, up 5.9% from a year earlier. That represents approximately 4.9 months of housing supply, the highest level in more than a decade.
Realtor.com also reported that 20.4% of active listings had experienced a price reduction in August.
That’s a very different environment from the pandemic-era housing market, when buyers in many communities faced bidding wars, waived inspections and offers well above asking price.
Depending on the market, today’s buyer may have more time to evaluate a property and greater opportunity to negotiate price, repairs, closing costs or other concessions.
But there is an important caveat: there is no single national housing market.
Conditions can vary dramatically from one city—or even one neighborhood—to another. Some markets remain competitive, while others have considerably more inventory and negotiating room.
That’s one reason local expertise matters.
Sellers Need a Different Strategy
The changing market also has implications for LGBTQ+ homeowners considering selling.
Strategies that worked several years ago may not work today.
Buyers are highly sensitive to monthly payments, and an overpriced home can quickly be passed over when competing properties are available.
Sellers should pay close attention not only to recent comparable sales but also to homes currently competing for the same buyer.
Condition matters, too.
Repairs, landscaping, staging and professional photography can make a meaningful difference when buyers have more choices. Pricing correctly from the beginning has also become increasingly important.
More Than 30 Years Serving the LGBTQ+ Community
One part of buying or selling a home hasn’t changed: the importance of working with a real estate professional who understands your priorities.
For more than 30 years, GayRealEstate.com has served the LGBTQ+ community, connecting buyers and sellers with LGBTQ+ and allied real estate professionals throughout the United States.
Over that time, the GayRealEstate.com network has supported more than $2 billion in real estate sales and more than 55,000 transactions.
Behind those numbers are thousands of people making one of life’s most personal decisions: where to call home.
For LGBTQ+ buyers, that conversation can involve much more than bedrooms, bathrooms and price per square foot. It can include community, acceptance, healthcare, family, retirement, lifestyle and the ability to live openly.
An experienced LGBTQ+ or allied real estate professional can understand why those considerations belong in the real estate conversation.
Finding Home in a Changing America
The 2026 housing market presents real challenges.
Mortgage rates remain elevated. Home prices are high. Affordability continues to strain buyers across much of the country.
But there are also signs of a more balanced market. Inventory has increased. Price reductions have become more common. Buyers in many markets have regained negotiating power.
And for LGBTQ+ Americans, something else has changed: there are more places to consider calling home.
The next great LGBTQ+ destination doesn’t necessarily need the country’s largest Pride celebration or its most famous gay neighborhood.
It could be a smaller city with a growing LGBTQ+ community, attainable housing, good healthcare, strong cultural amenities and a quality of life that leaves room for travel, retirement or simply enjoying the home you’ve worked hard to own.
Ultimately, today’s LGBTQ+ real estate search increasingly comes down to three questions:
Where can I afford the life I want?
Where will I find my community?
And where will I feel at home?
The answers are becoming more varied—and that’s helping redraw the map of LGBTQ+ America.
Scott Helms is with GayRealEstate.com.
GayRealEstate.com has served the LGBTQ+ community for more than 30 years, connecting LGBTQ+ homebuyers and sellers with LGBTQ+ and allied real estate professionals across the United States. Its network has supported more than $2 billion in real estate sales and more than 55,000 transactions.
Advice
I’m 66, he’s 27. Is it love or am I being played?
What to do when your friends don’t trust your boyfriend
Dear Michael,
I’m 66, Peter is 27. I’m retired, financially comfortable. He’s a grad student.
We met last summer at the beach and started dating. Now we’re living together. I want this to be forever, and Peter says he does too.
The problem: Some of my friends are telling me that Peter is taking me for a ride.
I know all the cliches about older gay men thinking they’re in a loving relationship when the truth is they’re just some young guy’s sugar daddy. But I don’t feel old. And I think I have a grip on reality.
I do support Peter financially now, but he is eventually going to have a job. And if I didn’t pay for things, there’s no way he could share my life in terms of travel, dining out, etc. I want to have fun with him and am happy to foot the bill.
My friends say there’s no way he could be attracted to anything but my money. But I take great care of myself and look good. We don’t have the greatest sex life but I think it’s pretty hot. Peter says he is attracted to older guys.
And there’s much more to our relationship than sex. Despite the age difference, I think we are kindred spirits, and Peter says he feels the same. We both like travel, talking about politics, have similar taste in books and movies and TV shows. Lots of common interests.
I can deal with the age/money criticisms, but there’s some other stuff I’m more worried about.
One of my friends says he saw Peter making out with someone much younger over the summer. That worries me. I asked Peter about it and he said it wasn’t true.
Peter does go out, solo, because he can stay up a lot later than I want to. My party-till-dawn days are over. He says he’s just dancing and hanging out with friends. I want to believe him.
One night he didn’t come home and it unsettled me. He told me it just got too late so he crashed at a friend’s place. I thought of asking the friend about it but I didn’t want to seem like I was spying on Peter, and I also was afraid that the friend would say this didn’t happen. If it didn’t, then what? Do I break up with him for lying and cheating? I really don’t want to be old and alone. I can’t tell if my friends are making me paranoid or if I am being played.
Michael replies:
Obviously, I can’t know if Peter is telling you the truth or not. But I can give you some pointers on dealing with trust in a relationship. The main person to focus on trusting is yourself.
Do you trust your own sense of whether or not Peter is being honest with you? If not: What would it take for you to do so? Could you let yourself see things that you are currently not wanting to let yourself see? What is now stopping you from seeing him accurately?
You describe many ways in which you think the two of you are compatible. How about in terms of values? Do you respect Peter’s character? Can you get a good read on whether he is just telling you what you want to hear in order to stay in the relationship, or giving you an honest representation of where he really stands?
I understand that you’re afraid of finding out that Peter is lying to you, and that you don’t want to have to deal with ending the relationship. Given the possible ramifications, that makes sense. But do you want to let your fear stop you from keeping your eyes open?
When we decide to see things not as they are, but as we wish they were, or tell ourselves that what we see isn’t what we’re seeing, we end up getting hurt. And we do a great disservice to ourselves by discrediting our own internal witness, making it difficult to trust both ourselves and other people.
Only you can decide which would be preferable: Living with someone whom you don’t trust to be honest with you, or being alone.
In considering this possibility, keep in mind that none of us have a guarantee that we won’t be hurt in our relationships. In fact, it’s pretty much certain that at times we will be. Partners do break each other’s hearts, sometimes deliberately, sometimes not. That in itself is no reason to end a relationship.
But being with someone who is purposely deceiving you doesn’t sound that appealing.
Our relationship difficulties often give us possibilities to grow. Your fears about Peter’s infidelity are an opportunity for you two to have some conversations about how important you each think honesty is in a relationship; and what risks you are willing to take in order to have an honest relationship.
People are often afraid to speak the truth because of the possible consequences. But if you don’t speak up, you can easily wind up in a hollowed-out relationship where neither of you is willing to address what is really going on with each of you. That is the opposite of intimacy.
And, having a standard where each of you is forthcoming would avoid the minefield of a distrustful relationship where one of you is the detective and one of you is the suspect. That dynamic creates an imbalanced relationship and often leads to the watched partner wanting to get away with things.
Bottom line: Are each of you interested enough in an intimate relationship to be consistently honest with each other, even if your partner may not like what you say? And to do your best to respond thoughtfully to your partner’s honesty, even when he tells you something that you do not want to hear?
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
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