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Update on LGBT family law

D.C. area features wide array of legal protections

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gay family, gay news, Washington Blade
gay family, LGBT family law, gay news, Washington Blade

(Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

The last several years have seen an incredible change in laws affecting LGBT families in the Washington metropolitan area, and we may see more changes on the federal level in the next several months. Here is a synopsis of laws affecting same-sex headed families in the D.C. area.

Federal level

The Supreme Court will hear arguments on two marriage equality cases, Hollingsworth v. Perry and Windsor v. United States on March 26 and 27, and we expect decisions from the court by June 30 of this year. Those decisions could be anything from the court saying that it won’t make substantive decisions in either of these cases, to establishing marriage equality as a constitutional right in the entire United States. Most court observers expect that the court will invalidate Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), which would mean that marriage equality for federal purposes would be determined on a state by state (or jurisdiction) basis.  Section 3 defines “marriage” for all federal purposes as between one man and one woman. So, for us in the D.C. metro area, if Section 3 is invalidated, residents of Maryland and the District of Columbia would be considered married for federal purposes, but residents of Virginia would not. There are more than 1,000 rights and responsibilities associated with marriage on the federal level, so federal recognition of our marriages would be huge. Stay tuned!

District of Columbia

The District has had marriage equality since March 9, 2010. There are more than 400 rights and responsibilities associated with marriage for District residents. D.C. residents can still register as domestic partners instead of getting married, but the domestic partnership has little, if any, effect outside the District. There is no residency requirement to marry in the District or register as domestic partners.

D.C. recently enacted a new law that allows couples who married in D.C. and live in a jurisdiction where neither can divorce, to come back to D.C. to get divorced. Of course, the couple should attempt to resolve all issues pertaining to their marriage so they can go forward with an uncontested divorce in the Superior Court of the District of Columbia. This law is meant to help with the new meaning of “wedlock.”

The District enacted the Domestic Partnership Judicial Determination of Parentage Amendment Act on July 1, 2009. It provides that if a couple is married, registered as domestic partners in D.C., or signs a Consent to Parent, both members of the couple will be presumed to be legal parents of their child under D.C. law if the child is born in D.C. Both parents will be on the birth certificate at birth. Unfortunately, the law may not apply to gay male couples as surrogacy is illegal in the District. The Parentage Act has been amended to allow adoptions in the District based on the birth of the child in D.C., and the amendments are retroactive to July 1, 2009. The law means that a lesbian couple does not have to live in the District in order to obtain a second-parent adoption of their child that will be recognized outside the District of Columbia and on the federal level. This is a big step forward, especially for residents of Virginia who can give birth in D.C. Even with marriage equality, it is essential for couples to obtain second-parent adoptions as birth certificates alone do not confer parental rights, and legal rights to children flowing from marriage may not be recognized in many states, and currently, not by the federal government.

Maryland

Beginning Jan. 1, 2013, same-sex couples have been able to marry in Maryland. Marriages between same-sex couples from outside Maryland have been recognized in Maryland since May 18, 2012, after the decision in Port v. Cowan. Port required Maryland to allow a same-sex couple to divorce in Maryland. Married couples have more than 400 state-based rights and responsibilities. However, there are some issues relating to marriage equality in Maryland that still must be addressed. For example, the Maryland comptroller takes the position that Maryland imports the federal definition of marriage for income and estate tax purposes.

For families in Maryland headed by same-sex couples, a child born into the marriage will be considered the legal child of both parents. For married lesbian couples, both parents will be on the child’s birth certificate at birth. However, we are still working through issues for gay male couples who have children through gestational surrogacy.

Virginia

There has not been much change in Virginia in laws impacting our families, except to go backward. Virginia now allows adoption agencies to explicitly discriminate against LGBT families in placements for children to be adopted.

Second-parent adoptions are not available in Virginia, not because they are specifically outlawed, but because of concerns that the Virginia Legislature may forbid these adoptions if they are attempted. However, in some Virginia counties same-sex couples may obtain a joint custody order of their children. Joint custody orders have been upheld by the Virginia courts.  These orders can be problematic though as they allow both parents to have custody, but only one parent to have responsibility for child support if the couple separates. In addition, the Commonwealth of Virginia may have a say in whether the couple is fit and proper to have their child.

General

Before or after getting married, couples should seriously consider executing pre- or postnuptial agreements which specify their rights and responsibilities during their marriage and if they divorce.  These are particularly important for our families because of the many and varied laws governing marriage for same-sex couples. And, as always, couples and individuals should complete estate planning documents. These are vital in order to make our own decisions about who should inherit our property, make our health care decisions,  manage our finances, and, if we have children, who should take care of them if we can’t.

Michele Zavos is a principal in Zavos Juncker Law Group, PLLC, which practices LGBT family law in all three local jurisdictions. She is a long-time lesbian activist attorney and was the driving force behind the passage of the new D.C. divorce statute and amendments to the D.C. Parentage law.

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Real Estate

The rise of virtual home tours

Adapting to changing consumer preferences in spring real estate

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Looking for a home? Virtual tours hold special benefits for queer buyers.

In today’s dynamic real estate market, the spring season brings not only blooming flowers but also a surge of activity as buyers and sellers alike prepare to make their moves. However, in recent years, there’s been a notable shift in how consumers prefer to explore potential homes: the rise of virtual tours. 

For the LGBTQ community, these virtual experiences offer more than just convenience; they provide accessibility, safety, and inclusivity in the home buying process. 

Gone are the days of spending weekends driving from one open house to another – unless that’s your thing of course, only to find that the property doesn’t quite match expectations. With virtual tours, you can explore every corner of a home from the comfort of your own space – find something interesting? Schedule a showing with any LGBTQ Realtor at GayRealEstate.com.

This is particularly significant for LGBTQ individuals, who may face unique challenges or concerns when attending in-person showings. Whether it’s the ability to discreetly view properties without fear of discrimination or the convenience of touring homes located in LGBTQ-friendly neighborhoods across the country, virtual tours offer a sense of empowerment and control in the home buying process.

Moreover, virtual tours cater to the diverse needs of the LGBTQ community. For couples or families with busy schedules or those living in different cities or states, these digital walkthroughs provide a convenient way to view properties together without the need for extensive travel. Additionally, for individuals who may be exploring their gender identity or transitioning, virtual tours offer a low-pressure environment to explore potential living spaces without the added stress of in-person interactions.

At GayRealEstate.com, we understand the importance of adapting to changing consumer preferences and leveraging technology to better serve our community. That’s why our agents offer an extensive selection of virtual tours for LGBTQ individuals and allies alike – visit our website, choose an agent and within minutes you’ll have access to the Multiple Listing Service (MLS) via their website.

From cozy condominiums in bustling urban centers to sprawling estates in picturesque suburbs, virtual tours showcase a wide range of properties tailored to diverse tastes and lifestyles.

In addition to virtual tours, GayRealEstate.com provides comprehensive resources and support to guide LGBTQ buyers and sellers through every step of the real estate journey. Our network of LGBTQ-friendly agents is committed to providing personalized service, advocacy, and representation to ensure that all individuals feel respected, valued, and empowered throughout the process. Plus, we are happy to provide a free relocation kit to any city in the USA or Canada if you are a home buyer.

As we embrace the spring season and all the opportunities it brings in the real estate market, let’s also celebrate the power of virtual tours to revolutionize the way we find and experience our future homes. Whether you’re searching for your first apartment, forever home, or investment property, GayRealEstate.com is here to help you navigate the exciting world of real estate with confidence, pride, and inclusivity.

Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at [email protected].

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Advice

Should I divorce my husband for the hot new guy in our building?

Debating whether to leave or stay after the sex goes cold

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Dear Michael,

I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and the sex is pretty much gone. It stopped being exciting a long time ago and pretty much the only time we ever do it is with the occasional third.

A really hot guy moved into our building about a year ago. We would see each other sometimes in the elevator or at our building’s gym and we started talking and really hit it off. Mark is 15 years younger than I but we seem to have a lot in common. We started hooking up and the sex is amazing.

I haven’t told my husband because it’s breaking our rule about no repeats. I have to say that the secrecy is hot. It’s kind of a thrill to take the elevator upstairs when I say I’m going on an errand. But it’s more than that. I have a connection with Mark that is far more amazing than what I have ever felt with my husband. Not just the sex. We just enjoy being together, talking about anything and everything.

My husband went to visit his family last weekend and I spent the whole time with Mark. Since then I can’t stop thinking that I want to leave my husband and be with Mark.

Part of me thinks this is a crazy mid-life crisis. I mean, this kid’s in a totally different place in life. But we have mind-blowing sex and a fantastic connection. I’d like your thoughts on how to proceed.

Michael replies: 

You’ve got a lot to consider.

First: Sex with a long-term partner changes over time. It tends to be less about erotic heat and more about the connection with a person whom you love. In other words, it’s being with the person you’re with that makes the sex meaningful and even great. Having a good sexual relationship with a long-term partner comes far more from a heart connection than from a crotch attachment.  

Second: You seem ready to throw your relationship under the bus pretty quickly, without addressing other problems in the relationship besides sex. When you are sneaking around, lying, and rule-breaking , I don’t see how you can look your husband in the eye; and if you can’t look him in the eye, you certainly can’t have even a half-way decent relationship.

Yet another point to consider: Affairs pretty much always seem more exciting than marriage. The partner is new, which almost automatically makes the sex hotter; the secrecy is a thrill; and you don’t have to deal with paying the rent, house chores, and all the petty annoyances of living up-close with someone day-in, day-out.  

You are bringing lots of energy to your affair, and everything about it is exciting. You are bringing no energy — at least no positive energy — to your marriage. You get what you put into a relationship.

Divorce is not something that should be entered into lightly. Be aware that if you leave your husband for Mark, you will no doubt find over time that the sex becomes less exciting and that the connection is not always fantastic. No surprise, 75 percent of marriages that begin with affair partners end in divorce. While I don’t think statistics predict what will happen to any particular couple, believing that you will have a significantly better relationship with your affair partner than you did with your husband sets you up for likely disappointment.

Many gay men focus on “hot sex” as the big draw, pursuing a lot of sex with a lot of men, and/or pursuing an ongoing series of relationships that last until the sex cools. If that’s what you want, that’s fine. But it’s a different path from pursuing a close and loving long-term relationship, which involves knowing someone well and having him know you well; collaborating on getting through the hard stuff life throws at us; finding ways to make peace with disappointment; and consistently striving to be someone worth being married to. 

How to proceed? While you are the only person who should make that decision, I would suggest that whatever your choice, keep in mind that marriage can be more than what you’ve made of it, so far.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

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Autos

Sport haulers: Jeep Grand Cherokee, Mercedes GLE-Class

Updated cabins, adept handling, and more

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Jeep Grand Cherokee

Now that March Madness and the Masters are over, it’s time for, well, everything else. For my husband and me, this means water sports, as in kayaks and rowing sculls, which is why we trekked to the Potomac for the George Washington Invitational regatta last weekend. 

Alas, high winds splashed cold water on the event, canceling much of it. But there was still plenty of spirited camaraderie to rival “The Boys in the Boat.” 

And I was reminded of my time years ago as a rower with D.C. Strokes, ferrying teammates to races up and down the East Coast. Back then my ride was a dated, rather cramped four-door sedan. 

If only we could have paddled around in a sporty SUV like the two reviewed here. Now that would have been some smooth sailing (wink-wink). 

JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE 

$40,000

MPG: 19 city/26 highway

0 to 60 mph: 7.5 seconds

Maximum cargo room: 37.7 cu. ft. 

PROS: Updated cabin, adept handling, strong towing 

CONS: So-so gas mileage, no third row, pricey trim levels

IN A NUTSHELL: Rough, tough and buff. It’s doesn’t get much more butch than a Jeep. This year’s Grand Cherokee is no exception, with rugged looks, expert off-road capability and better-than-average towing capacity of 6,200 pounds. 

There are a dizzying number of trim levels—more than a dozen—starting with the barebones base-model Laredo at an affordable $40,000. The lineup tops out with the Summit Reserve 4xe PHEV, which is almost twice the price at $76,000 and one of various plug-in hybrid versions available. Those plug-in hybrids can drive up to 25 miles on all-electric power before the four-cylinder gas engine kicks in. Otherwise, you can choose from a standard V6 or V8. Gas mileage on all trim levels is basically the same as the competition. 

Where the Grand Cherokee really shines is in the handling. More refined than a Wrangler but less lavish than a Land Rover, this Jeep maneuvers just as well on city streets and highways as it does on bumpier terrain.    

I tested the mid-range and mid-priced Overland, which comes standard with four-wheel drive and large 20-inch wheels. It also boasts a slew of niceties, such as quilted upholstery, panoramic sunroof and high-tech digital displays. These include a 10.25-inch infotainment touchscreen and rear-seat entertainment system. 

The nine-speaker Alpine stereo, designed specifically for the Grand Cherokee, is pleasing. But I really wanted to hear the boffo 19-speaker McIntosh surround-sound system that Jeep also offers. Sigh, it’s only available on the premium Summit trim level. 

MERCEDES GLE-CLASS

$64,000 

MPG: 20 city/25 highway

0 to 60 mph: 6.6 seconds

Maximum cargo room: 33.3 cu. ft. 

PROS: Lush interior, silky-smooth suspension, speedy 

CONS: Some confusing electronics, tight third row, many competitors

IN A NUTSHELL: For a more high-class hauler, there’s the Mercedes GLE-Class. This midsize SUV is similar in size to the Jeep Grand Cherokee. But instead of seating five passengers, the GLE can carry up to seven. Sure, legroom in the optional third row may be tight for taller travelers, but it’s perfect for a cocky cockswain or two. 

Six trim levels, ranging from the base-model GLE 350 to two high-performance AMG models. For eco-conscious buyers, the GLE 450e plug-in hybrid arrived earlier this year and can run on battery power alone for almost 60 miles. 

My test car was the top-of-the-line AMG 63 S 4Matic, a head-turner in every way. Priced at a whopping $127,000, this GLE looks best in glossy black with the Night Package, which includes tasteful jet-black exterior accents and matte-black wheels. To complete the Darth Vader effect, there’s a deep, menacing exhaust rumble that’s downright threatening.

You expect such a ride to be wicked fast, and it is: 0 to 60 mph in a blistering 3.7 seconds. Yet the carbon ceramic brakes with their devil-red calipers are equally impressive in slowing things down quickly. 

Inside, each GLE comes with two large digital displays on the elegantly sculpted dashboard. My favorite feature is the “Hey Mercedes” digital assistant, which responds to voice commands such as opening or closing the sunroof, operating the infotainment system or activating the climate controls. 

It’s hard to find sport seats that are more comfortable, especially with the heavenly massage function (though those massage controls could be a bit more user-friendly.) For AMG models, the seats come with red-contrasting stitching and red seatbelts—a nod to the devilish demeanor under the hood.

Considering all the SUVs available in showrooms, few make quite the splash of a GLE.

Mercedes GLE-Class
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