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‘I’m not going to cry about this’

Friends rally for Va. couple saving for prosthesis after cancer claims woman’s leg

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Zunaira Khalid (left) and her partner Ebony Bates in their basement apartment in Khalid's parents' house in Chantilly, Va. The couple says they're lucky most of the medical expenses from the June cancer surgery that claimed Khalid's leg were covered by insurance but only a small percentage will be covered for the prosthetic leg Khalid needs. (Washington Blade photo by Joey DiGuglielmo)

Zunaira Khalid benefit

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6:30 to 10 p.m.

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Things were going pretty well for Zunaira Khalid and Ebony Bates in December. They’d had rough spots large and small throughout their nine-year relationship such as years of separation while Bates went to college in her native Pennsylvania, some occasional minor clashes that are inevitable in cross-cultural romances and all the usual pings and pangs that come and go as young people figure out what they want and don’t want from life.

But by the end of last year Khalid, a 35-year-old aspiring doctor and native Pakistani Muslim who’s been in the U.S. since age 12, and Bates, a 29-year-old Washington, Pa., native, realized their lives were beginning to jell. In October Bates landed what she calls her “dream job” with a government agency. She declines to say which because she says it’s not terribly gay friendly.

And after years of dabbling in various fields, Khalid, who’d drifted after finishing medical school questioning if she really wanted to be a doctor, decided medicine was her calling and she was in the uphill battle of getting back into the rigors of a residency program. Since 2005, the couple has lived in the basement of Khalid’s parents’ sprawling Chantilly, Va., home.

The two had been without health insurance for years. Bates was in school most of the ’00s doing undergrad and graduate work and Khalid had been unemployed for years studying to pass an exam to get back into medicine. The two had met in 2001 working together at Dulles Airport.

By December, Bates had coverage through her job. It took some arm twisting, but she convinced Khalid they needed to buy her some too, just in case. They found a decent plan for a little more than $100 per month through Aetna Health Insurance, an extraordinarily fortuitous decision on Bates’ part that saved the couple from financial ruin when Khalid got sick in February with an aggressive form of cancer that resulted in her leg having to be amputated in June.

“We were to the point where we’d been committed for several years,” Khalid says. “It’s almost impossible to have any sort of relationship recognition in Virginia, so that was never really discussed, but after D.C. passed marriage in December and then Ebony got a job she was like, ‘Look, we have a little money now, let’s get you a health plan. I didn’t think it was big deal. I don’t really get the flu or anything acute very often. I was like, ‘I’m fine, I don’t need it,’ but she was really adamant.”

To Khalid, she and Bates both burdened with considerable student loan debt, it seemed like one more expense. But she acquiesced and had an exam in December and got a clean bill of health.

The first signs of the cancer came innocuously in February. Khalid noticed her jeans felt tight around her left leg and took a bit of effort to get on. When it persisted, she had it looked at and was diagnosed with a pulled muscle. Just give it time to heal on its own, doctors told her. When it didn’t, she returned and an ultrasound found a cyst growing behind her knee. A biopsy revealed the mass was an aggressive sarcoma that was spreading fast. The situation quickly grew dire. It had grown from the size of a golf ball when an initial ultrasound was done to the size of a baseball a month later when an MRI was performed on Feb. 27.

Doctors told Khalid and Bates they were going to do everything they could to save her life and save her leg. It quickly became clear how potentially serious the diagnosis was.

“I remember when they said they were going to try to save her life first but we can’t guarantee that, that was really jarring for me,” Bates says. “Here they were talking about the possibility of death and if we were lucky she would make it through. It was just a lot of bad news at once.”

Bates, under pressure at her new job and in a probationary period where she knew she had to perform at her best, decided she needed to come out to her boss and explain the situation in case the stress started showing up in her performance. She was only able to miss a few days of work throughout Khalid’s illness, a point that irks the couple who marvel at the provisions that would be available if they were a married, opposite-sex couple.

But the couple opted to focus on the positive — most glaringly that Bates had the foresight to insist on an insurance plan for Khalid.

The first treatment step was two debilitating rounds of chemo, which destroyed Khalid’s immune system and put her in the hospital at Washington Hospital Center in D.C.’s Pleasant Plains neighborhood for weeks at a time. The chemo took such a toll — Khalid’s doctor told her he’d never seen anybody react so aversely to it — that a third round would have been too much for her body to handle. It was also unsuccessful at shrinking the mass to a degree doctors felt was acceptable.

There were essentially three problems with the growth — it had grown around a nerve meaning removing the mass would likely have resulted in Khalid having no control of her leg. Secondly it was so close to the bone, operating would be difficult and would have required, thirdly, a new route for blood supply to the leg, another iffy proposition considering the mass’s location. Amputation became the only safe option.

“I just realized very quickly that was the best decision I could make,” Khalid says. “I’d kind of prepared myself for it emotionally when they first told me it was a possibility. That first weekend, Eb had to be in Pennsylvania for work and I decided to go with her. It was the best thing. She was busy with work stuff but I just shopped, hung out at the hotel and really had time to make my peace with it.”

Bates soldiered on at work and says a strong relationship with Khalid’s parents — she says they treat her as if she, too, were their daughter — helped tremendously.

“Anytime I thought about how hard it was to juggle this with work, I just realized how much easier I had it compared to what she was going through,” Bates says.

Khalid is doing well now. She gets around on a pair of crutches cushioned with zebra-patterned covers. She was up and walking with a walker the day after her surgery. And she can still drive since she only needs to use her right leg.

The pain, though, has been excruciating at times. Muscle in her leg was essentially “wrapped” around hollow bone resulting in cookie-cutter like pressure from the bone’s edges. Khalid also experiences “phantom” pain where it feels as if her leg is still there, causing both pain and itching sensations.

“Basically the nerves have been cut but up here,” she says, pointing to her head, “it thinks everything is normal. So the nerves are freaking out and they don’t know what happened.”

She’s also stumbled several times as she attempts to get around.

The couple’s biggest challenge now is affording a massively expensive prosthetic leg for Khalid. The Aetna plan they chose has been great at kicking in thousands of dollars toward her chemo and surgery expenses but comes up far short on the cost of the prosthesis. The couple says it will cover only about $2,000 of the estimated $40,000 to $45,000 cost.

Friends are rallying. D.C. lesbian event promoter Ebone Bell has set up a website seeking contributions. Another lesbian friend, Darcy O’Callaghan, is planning an event Thursday at Policy for the couple. Donations are being accepted here.

Khalid says she’s keeping the stiff upper lip she’s maintained all along.

“I just decided up front I’m not going to cry about this,” she says. “I refuse to cry and give into this. If I have cried, it hasn’t been because of this stupid cancer, but because I’ve been touched by the things people have done for me.”

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District of Columbia

‘No Kings’ protests set for D.C.

Anti-Trump demonstrations to take place across country on Saturday

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A 'No Kings' protest took place in D.C. on Oct. 18, 2025. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

As President Donald Trump and his administration escalate rhetoric targeting transgender youth and student athletes, push efforts to restrict voting access for millions of Americans, and pursue foreign policy decisions that critics say bypass congressional authority, organizers across the country are once again mobilizing in protest.

For many LGBTQ advocates, the moment feels especially urgent.

In recent months, activists have pointed to a surge in anti-trans legislation, attacks on gender-affirming care, and efforts to roll back nondiscrimination protections as direct threats to the safety and visibility of queer and trans communities. Organizers say the demonstrations are not just about policy, but about defending the right of LGBTQ people — particularly trans youth and people of color — to live openly and safely.

Thousands of “No Kings” protests are planned nationwide, with multiple demonstrations set to take place in D.C.

One of the primary events, “No Kings Washington,” will be held in Anacostia, an overwhelmingly Black area of D.C. that is often at the center of conversations around racial justice, policing, and access to resources in the nation’s capital.

The protest in Anacostia is focused on what organizers describe as the “power behind the throne,” specifically Stephen Miller, the White House Deputy Chief of Staff for Policy and Homeland Security Advisor. Miller has been closely associated with the administration’s “zero tolerance” immigration policy, including the family separation practice that resulted in thousands of children being separated from their parents at the Southern border.

Activists have also linked immigration enforcement policies to broader concerns about LGBTQ migrants, including queer asylum seekers who often face heightened risks of violence and discrimination both in their home countries and within detention systems.

Anacostia protest details:

Participants are asked to gather starting at 1:30 p.m. on the southeast side of the Frederick Douglass Bridge. The closest Metro station is Anacostia on the Green Line, about an 8-minute walk from the starting point. Organizers strongly encourage attendees to use public transportation, as street parking is limited.

The march will proceed past Fort McNair and conclude near the Waterfront Metro station.

D.C. icon and LGBTQ activist Rayceen Pendarvis is set to speak at the protest around 2 p.m.

Kalorama protest details:

A separate protest will take place earlier in the day in Kalorama, a neighborhood long associated with political power and home to presidents, cabinet officials, and foreign ambassadors. Demonstrators are expected to gather at 10 a.m., with a march running until approximately noon near the intersection of Connecticut Avenue and Kalorama Road.

Arlington/National Mall protest details:

Another group is expected to assemble at Memorial Circle near Arlington National Cemetery at 10 a.m. before crossing the Memorial Bridge into D.C., passing the Lincoln Memorial and continuing on to the Washington Monument. Organizers say the march is intended to defend “American democracy, the rule of law, and a healthy planet.”

Unlike last June — when organizers discouraged large-scale demonstrations in D.C. due Trump’s military/birthday parade — activists are now explicitly calling on people to show up in the nation’s capital and surrounding areas.

The protests also coincide with Transgender Day of Visibility weekend, which includes additional gatherings and celebrations on the National Mall. At the same time, peak bloom for the National Cherry Blossom Festival is expected to draw large crowds to the city. With multiple major events happening simultaneously, officials and organizers anticipate significant congestion, increased traffic, and crowded public transit throughout the weekend.

Organizers are urging participants to plan ahead and come prepared.

“Bring your signs, noisemakers, music, and creative ideas, and gather in joyful, nonviolent protest,” they said. “Children are very welcome.”

For more information, visit nokings.org.

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District of Columbia

Gay priest credited with boosting church support for LGBTQ Catholics

Fr. Tom Oddo’s biographer speaks at Dignity Washington event

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(Book cover image courtesy of Amazon)

The author of a biography of a U.S. Catholic priest said to have advocated for support by the Catholic Church of gay Catholics in the early 1970s has called Father Thomas ‘Tom’ Oddo a little known but important figure in the LGBTQ rights movement.

Tyler Bieber, author of the recently published book “Against The Current: Father Tom Oddo And the New American Catholic,” told of Oddo’s life and work on behalf of LGBTQ rights at a March 22 talk before the local LGBTQ Catholic group Dignity Washington.

Among Oddo’s important accomplishments, Bieber said, was his role as a co-founder of the national LGBTQ Catholic group Dignity U.S.A. in 1973 at the age of 29.

But as reported in the prologue of his book, Bieber presented details of the sad news that Oddo died in a fatal car crash in 1989 at the age of 45 in Portland, Ore., where he was serving as the highly acclaimed president of the University of Portland, a Catholic institution.

“He was a major figure in the gay rights movement in the 1970s, an unsung hero of that movement,” Bieber told Dignity Washington members, who assembled for his talk in a meeting room at St. Margaret Episcopal Church near Dupont Circle, where they attend their weekly Catholic mass on Sundays.

Tyler Bieber (Washington Blade photo by Lou Chibbaro, Jr.)

“And Dignity U.S.A. saw intense growth in membership and visibility” during its early years under Oddo’s leadership, Bieber said. “The story of Father Tom and his contemporaries is a story largely untold in the history of the gay rights movement, but one worth knowing and considering,” he said.

As stated in his book, Bieber told the Dignity Washington gathering Oddo was born and raised in a Catholic family on Long Island, N.Y., and attended a Catholic high school in Flushing Queens. It was at that time when he developed an interest in becoming a priest, according to Bieber.

After studying at the University of Notre Dame and completing his religious studies he was ordained as a priest in 1970 and began his work as a priest in the Boston area, Bieber said. It was around that time, Bieber told the Dignity Washington audience, that gay Catholics approached Oddo to seek advice on how they should interact with the Catholic Church. It was also around that time that Oddo became involved in a group supportive of then gay Catholics that later became a Dignity chapter in Boston.

In a development considered unusual for a Catholic priest, Bieber said Oddo in 1973 testified in support of gay rights bill before a committee of the Massachusetts Legislature and collaborated with then Massachusetts gay and lesbian rights advocate Elaine Noble.

In 1982, at the age of 39, Oddo was selected as president of the University of Portland following several years as a college teacher in the Boston area, Bieber’s book states. It says he was seen as a “vibrant and capable administrator who delivered real results to his campus,” adding, “His magnetism was obvious. One student described him as ‘John Kennedyesque’ to the university’s student newspaper.”

 Bieber said that although Oddo was less active with Dignity U.S.A. during his tenure as UP president, he continued his support for gay Catholics and what is now referred to as LGBTQ rights.

“For those that knew him prior to his term at UP, though, he represented something greater than an accomplished university administrator and educator,” Bieber’s book states. “He was a new kind of priest, a gay man living and ministering in a world set loose from tradition by the Second Vatican Council,” the book says.

It was referring to the Vatican gathering of worldwide Catholic leaders from 1962 to 1965 concluding under Pope Paul VI that church observers say modernized church practices to allow far greater participation by the laity and opened the way for sympathetic consideration of gay Catholics.

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District of Columbia

HRC to host National Rainbow Seder

Bet Mishpachah among annual event’s organizers

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(Photo by Rafael Ben Ari/Bigstock)

The 18th National Rainbow Seder will take place at the Human Rights Campaign on Sunday.

The sold out event is the country’s largest Passover Seder for the Jewish LGBTQ community.

Organizations behind the event include Bet Mishpachah, a local D.C. LGBTQ synagogue that Rabbi Jake Singer-Beilin leads, and GLOE, an Edlavitch DC Jewish Community Center program that sponsors events for the queer Jewish community. The theme for this year’s Seder is “Liberation For All Who Journey: Remembering, Resisting, Rebuilding.” Rabbis Atara Cohen, Koach Frazier, and Avigayil Halpern will lead it. 

The Seder will honor the late GLOE co-chair Michael Singer. Singer also served on the Edlavitch DC Jewish Community Center’s board.

“This Seder is both a celebration of how far we have come and a call to continue building a more just and inclusive world.” Bet Mishpachah Executive Director Joshua Maxey told the Washington Blade.

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