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Queery: Steve Clemons

The think tank guru and blogger answers 20 gay questions

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(Blade photo by Michael Key)

Steve Clemons reads a lot. He’s never fully caught up on the thousands of e-mails he gets daily and he’s inundated with what he calls a “gusher” of information. But it’s part of what gives his blog, the Washington Note, its sharp edge and keeps him in demand as a commentator on cable news.

“It’s constant and I do a pretty good job of keeping up with it, absorbing information quickly,” he says. “So the chances are high that I will know an angle or a twist to ask about. You gotta be informed ā€” that’s a big part of it. If not, you’ll be derivative.”

Clemons started his blog with his friend Josh Marshall in 2004 as an outlet for his dual passion of foreign policy and economic “stuff,” that he wasn’t doing much with at his day job as a senior fellow at the American Strategy Program at the New America Foundation, a centrist think tank he co-founded 12 years ago. He got on the national radar quickly and was named a blog favorite this year by Time magazine. A well-timed scoop in 2006 about former United Nations Ambassador John Bolton and a cancelled hearing earned him more than 6 million hits in a single day.

Clemons, a 48-year-old Bartlesville, Okla., native, has been in Washington 16 years. Before that, he spent 14 years in Los Angeles where he directed the Japan America Society of Southern California.

His philosophy on being openly gay is, “I don’t shy away from it, but I don’t wear it on my sleeve either.”

He and his partner, Andrew Oros, have been together 19 years and live in Dupont Circle with their dog, Oakley, a Weimaraner.

Clemons enjoys blogging, running, biking, fishing, reading and selling small items on eBay in his spare time.Ā  (Blade photos by Michael Key)

How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?

Since 1992. One of my mentors, Chalmers Johnson, was tough for me but went well. Also my husband’s mom, whose sister was spreading rumors that I was having an affair with Andrew’s mom. Untrue of course ā€” the affair was with her son.

Who’s your gay hero?

Alexander the Great, Leonardo Da Vinci, Michelangelo, John Maynard Keynes, Frank Kameny, Pedro Zamora, Andrew Tobias

What is Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?

Nellie’s (Cobalt is close second).

Describe your dream gay wedding.

Had it ā€” eloped and got married on the steps of San Francisco City Hall with a couple of other gay couples in August 2008 and on-looking tourists applauding like crazy when my husband and I kissed. In 1996 had an LTC-BBQ (long-term commitment barbecue at my father-in-law’s. Also very cool.)

What non-gay issue are you most passionate about?

Improving the direction of U.S. foreign policy ā€” getting Israel/Palestine resolved, ending the Afghanistan war, getting Iran on a non-nuclear course, normalizing relations with Cuba, etc.

What historical outcome would you change?

I would have preferred Monica Lewinsky to have an affair with Bill Clinton after he was president rather than during his time in office. We might then have gotten Israel/Palestine two-state solution in place and have resolved the North Korea nuclear mess early. This in turn might have helped Al Gore get elected over Bush, preempted the invasion of Iraq and probably wouldn’t have had the same Iran challenge we have today.

What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?

I went as “media” to the HRC dinner featuring President Obama. During “media availability” I met the cast of “Glee” as well as Lady Gaga while waiting to meet Matthew Shepard’s parents. I didn’t know who “Glee” and Lady Gaga were (though in retrospect I had heard Gaga’s music ā€” just didn’t know the name of the singer) and only recognized Jane Lynch from “Julie and Julia.” Now I love Gaga and “Glee” obsessively. Other cool thing is that Darren Star, creater of “Beverly Hills 90210,” “Melrose Place,” and “Sex in the City,” was my best friend in college. Took Darren to the White House Correspondents dinner this year and sat him next to Zbigniew Brzezinski, Brent Scowcroft, Denis McDonough and Joshua Marshall. It was really hot when Bradley Cooper, Cynthia Nixon and other Darren discoveries came over to schmooze our table.

On what do you insist?

Active engagement in life and causes. No time for those who wait passively for things to happen.

What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?

@SCClemons ā€” Obama will score very, very big points across the board if DADT passes the Senate tomorrow. This is a big deal. There will be great fanfare and celebration or lots of tears tomorrow.

If your life were a book, what would the title be?

“America’s Gay Machiavelli”

If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?

Stay exactly as I am.

What do you believe in beyond the physical world?

Energy

What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?

Remember that their job is to eventually put the LGBT business out of business, not become too comfortable with the status quo struggles. We want equality, fairness, an end to discrimination ā€” and we need to keep the pressure up all the time to move our rights forward.

What would you walk across hot coals for?

An end to “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (ouch, those are hot!), gay marriage in America, saving anyone in Matthew Shepard’s shoes, my friends in need, my husband.

What gay stereotype annoys you most?

The notion that gay men are pedophiles or that effeminacy and being gay are in lockstep.

What’s your favorite gay movie?

“Longtime Companion” (“Another Country” comes in close second)

What’s the most overrated social custom?

Wearing ties ā€” can we just get rid of them all?

What trophy or prize do you most covet?

Any national bass fishing trophy ā€” and maybe a Pulitzer for blogging.

What do you wish you’d known at 18?

That it was really, really all going to be OK.

Why Washington?

Because Washington is the sun around which politicos here and around the world orbit. D.C. is a free trade zone for pursuing any cause ā€” and to get a better world, whether through ending LGBT discrimination or improving America’s foreign policy course, one has to compete effectively in the game here.

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Real Estate

Avoiding the basement blahs

Renovating a lower level can add significant value to your home

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Basement renovations often include home gyms or movie theaters. (Photo by pics721/Bigstock)

Sadly, we have waved goodbye to summer and are now slowly shifting from enjoying outdoor activities to things we can do indoors. If you are lucky enough to have a basement, renovating it into livable space can be a great winter project to dramatically increase the functionality and value of your home. 

Basements come with unique challenges due to their location below ground level, and overlooking critical aspects can lead to long-term problems. They are particularly vulnerable to dampness. Failure to address moisture can lead to mold growth, structural damage, and health hazards.

To tackle moisture control, start by checking for water leaks or seepage through the walls and floor. If moisture is present, you may need to apply waterproofing solutions to the exterior or interior walls of your home. Installing a vapor barrier is advisable to prevent condensation from damaging insulation and walls.

Make sure the basement has proper drainage systems, such as a sump pump and foundation drainage. The sump pump can remove water that collects around the foundation, while an effective drainage system redirects water away from the home. Installing a dehumidifier can also help. 

Basements also tend to be colder than the rest of the house. Proper insulation in the walls and floor helps regulate temperature, reducing heating costs in winter and maintaining a cool, comfortable, and energy efficient environment in summer. Insulating the ceiling can reduce noise transfer between the basement and the upper floors, making the space quieter and more private.

Before any significant work begins, it’s crucial to assess the basement’s structural integrity. This includes checking the foundation for cracks or signs of shifting, which could indicate a bigger problem, particular with the plethora of old houses in the area.

If you notice any large cracks or signs of movement, consult a structural engineer or foundation expert to determine whether repairs are needed. Small cracks can be sealed, but larger ones may require reinforcement or more extensive foundation work.

Depending on local building codes, you may need to install egress windows if you are adding bedrooms or turning the basement into a rental unit. Egress windows provide an escape route in case of emergencies and allow more natural light to enter the space, making it feel more welcoming.

When adding a bathroom or kitchen, youā€™ll find that installing plumbing in a basement can be more challenging because of the need to pump wastewater upwards. You may need a macerating toilet system or a sewage ejector pump to manage this. I learned this the first time I found that, contrary to what we have been told, water can indeed travel up.

Adding more outlets, lighting, appliances, and ventilation systems may necessitate electrical upgrades. Since basements are often unfinished, you may have exposed wiring, which should be properly enclosed or rerouted to meet code. Depending on the scope of the renovation, you might need to upgrade your homeā€™s electrical panel to handle the increased demand.

Proper ventilation is often overlooked in basement renovations but is essential for maintaining air quality and preventing the buildup of stale air or harmful gases. Installing mechanical ventilation, such as an HRV (Heat Recovery Ventilator) or an ERV (Energy Recovery Ventilator), can help ensure a consistent flow of fresh air in the basement.

Radon, a naturally occurring radioactive gas, can enter homes through cracks in the foundation. Since radon exposure is a leading cause of lung cancer, itā€™s wise to test for it before beginning the renovation. If elevated levels are detected, you may need to install a mitigation system.

Once the technical aspects are addressed, focus on creating a functional and aesthetically pleasing layout. The design of your basement will depend on how you plan to use the space, whether itā€™s a guest room, home theater, office, workout area, or game room.

Since natural light is limited in basements, it is important to plan your lighting carefully. Recessed lighting is a popular choice because it doesnā€™t take up ceiling space, but you should also consider adding floor lamps and sconces to make the space feel brighter and more inviting.

Choose flooring that can withstand moisture, such as vinyl planks, tile, or sealed concrete. Since basements can double as storage areas, consider incorporating built-in shelving, closets, or under-stair storage to maximize the available space.

Whether doing it yourself or hiring professionals, renovating a basement is a rewarding project that can add significant value to your home, but it comes with challenges. From moisture control and insulation to plumbing and air quality, careful planning is crucial to ensure a comfortable, functional, and safe space to enjoy indoor hobbies and emerge from winter free from the Basement Blahs.


Valerie M. Blake is a licensed Associate Broker in DC, MD & VA with RLAH Real Estate / @properties. Call or text her at (202) 246-8602, email her at DCHomeQuest.com, or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.Ā 

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Advice

My best friend is addicted to steroids

How can I help him when he lashes out?

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(Photo by Dundanim/Bigstock)

Hi Michael,

Iā€™ve been best friends with Chris since we were kids. Weā€™re both gay and both wound up in D.C. after college. And we’re roommates. 

The trouble started about a year and a half ago. Chris, who has always liked working out, started getting absorbed in bodybuilding.

He started spending hours a day working out and all these weird powders and supplements started piling up in the kitchen.

Chris became obsessed with building muscle. When he told me he was trying steroids, I told him that was a bad idea but he told me he was doing it under medical supervision and I shouldnā€™t worry.

In recent months heā€™s a changed person. Heā€™s short with me a lot, angers easily. He got into a few screaming matches with Matthew, his boyfriend, that I overheard. He sounded paranoid and out-of-control. Guess what? Matthew walked out on him.

Iā€™m not proud but I did a little snooping (basically looked in his bathroom) – and the stuff was everywhere.

Last week he lost his job. He wouldnā€™t tell me why but I am pretty sure itā€™s due to his increasingly weird and angry behavior. I told him thatā€”and told him that I know heā€™s using a lot more than he should (is any amount OK?)ā€”and he majorly blew up at me. Now heā€™s not talking to me and he texted me I should move out and not wait until our lease is up.

I donā€™t know what to do. I love Chris deeplyā€”but it seems like the guy Iā€™ve known for 20 years is gone and has been replaced by a mean paranoid guy who is driving his life off a cliff.

Iā€™m wondering about letting his parents know. Iā€™ve known them since childhood and Iā€™m hoping they can talk some sense into him. Or an intervention with all his friends (none of whom he is speaking to anymore for one reason or another, but the real reason is his crazy behavior).  Maybe we could confront him and get him to stop.  

But Iā€™m not sure what the right thing to do is and donā€™t want to alienate him completely.  Any thoughts or ideas for a good strategy?

Michael replies:

Iā€™m sorry, I know itā€™s excruciating to watch someone you love struggle with addiction. I donā€™t think you can get Chris to stop or moderate his use.

You have shared your concerns with Chris, and heā€™s blown up at you. This is not a guy who wants to look at his life choices critically.

You could tell his parents, but you have to weigh the risks versus benefits. Maybe they would be able to influence Chris to cut back on his steroid use. Or maybe heā€™d just cut himself off from them as well, further deepening his isolation, and perhaps leading to his being even less tethered to reality.

I would make similar points about an intervention: Sometimes they have a positive impact on the person who is being confronted. Sometimes they donā€™t do much except rile the person up, and lead him or her to dig further into denial and isolation. 

My own experience is that interventions have a greater chance of being helpful when the person can acknowledge the unmanageability of the addiction and is willing to try something different. Chris doesnā€™t sound like he is anywhere near that point.

Simply put, thereā€™s no easy fix to this, because only Chris gets to decide how he wants to live his life, even if his choices are ruinous.

Hereā€™s what you can do:

First, if Chris starts talking to you again, be supportive without being enabling. This means not criticizing him or telling him what to do; letting him know that you care about him and are there to help if he wants help; not joining him in minimizing the seriousness of his situation; and having a boundary when necessary. 

For example: 

If there are times when he is pleasant to be with, enjoy them. 

If heā€™s snapping at you for no reason, you can say ā€œhey, itā€™s not fun to be with you when youā€™re like thisā€”Iā€™ll see you later.ā€

If heā€™s lamenting his job loss, you might reply, ā€œIā€™m sorry you lost your jobā€”and Iā€™m sure you could take steps to succeed in another job.ā€ 

If he attempts to start an argument with you about how his steroid use is not a problem, or that youā€™re blowing it out of proportion, donā€™t join the argument. ā€œSorry, I see it differently, and Iā€™m not going to argue with you about this.ā€

If he continues to not speak to you, you can still continue to reach out to him now-and-then, in ways that donā€™t require him to respond, to let him know you that youā€™ll be there for him if he needs help at some point.

One more thing you can do is get some support for yourself. This is a tough situation for you as well. Itā€™s easy for someone in your situation to feel like youā€™re doing the wrong thing, no matter what you do. 

Iā€™d suggest that you attend at least a few Al-Anon meetings. Al-Anon is a support fellowship for people whose loved ones are struggling with addiction. Youā€™ll get support in recognizing that there really are limits to what you can do; in setting a boundary when you need to; and in knowing that you are not alone.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online atĀ michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it toĀ [email protected].

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Real Estate

The new kids on the block

Homeowners now entering market on own terms

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(Photo by Maridav/Bigstock)

As interest rates begin to cool off for the first time in a few years, prospective ā€œfirst time homebuyersā€ may have their wheels spinning again about whether itā€™s a good idea to buy a home. Still, the idea of home ownership may feel out of reach for some; historically, the prevalence of homeowners has been low in certain subsets of the population. It wasnā€™t until the 1900ā€™s that laws were enacted to grant women and people of color equal access to property ownership:

1968: The Fair Housing Act prohibited discrimination in home buying, homeownership, and rental real estate based on sex, race, religion, and other protected classes. 

1974: The Equal Credit Opportunity Act (ECOA) prohibited discrimination in consumer credit practices based on sex, marital status, and other factors. This made it easier for women to buy homes by allowing them to apply for loans and credit without a male co-signer. 

Even with these laws in place, socioeconomic disparities and lack of access to generational wealth have slowed progress in this area. Generational wealth occurs when resources are passed on to family members when the family homeowner or the head of household passes away. In areas like D.C. this type of asset can be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, and can be used to pay off student loans, help younger members of the family purchase their first or second homes wherever they live, or be invested in other ways. 

While this may have been the key to buying property in the past, people today are pursuing homeownership for themselves and their own means ā€” especially women. Many real estate agents in the D.C. metro area can testify that they are working with individuals who are the first in their family ā€” and often the first woman in their family ā€” to buy a home. The days of waiting until marriage to invest in property are slipping away; these days people marry later, may not stay married, or may choose not to marry at all. ā€œI didnā€™t consider buying a home at first, because I didnā€™t really see myself as a ā€œtypicalā€ homeowner; I was single and wasnā€™t sitting on a stockpile of cash,ā€ says Jordyn White, a D.C. resident who bought her first home at 29. ā€œA trusted friend encouraged me to explore first-time homebuyer programs, and Iā€™m glad I did. My monthly mortgage payment is similar to what I would likely pay to rent in the same area, and now I have created a path to generational wealth for my children.ā€

The rates of homeownership for people of color and women are steadily rising. A 2023 Pew Research Center survey using 2022 census data found that single women owned 58 percent of the nearly 35.2 million homes owned by unmarried Americans, while single men owned 42 percent. Single homeowners have peace of mind in knowing that they own assets by themselves.  

Compass real estate agent Katri Hunter has helped many of her clients buy their first home. She reports, ā€œI find more and more that I have single clients that approach me in their early/mid-30’s and say that they thought they would be buying their first property with a significant other and then decided to take things into their own hands ā€¦ I tell people all the time to consult an estate planner when and if they do decide to get married to discuss pre-marital assets and keeping those in their own name. I think people really take more pride and ownership buying property on their own rather than something they dread.ā€

Katri Hunter can be reached at [email protected]. JosephĀ Hudson is a referral agent with Metro Referrals.Ā He can be reached at 703-587-0597 orĀ [email protected]

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