Living
Sails, skis and snowboards
Several gay and lesbian winter trips and parties planned in major cities
From gay ski weeks to gay rodeos, some of the most popular LGBT events happen during the winter. Whether your tastes lean toward the more laid back affair, such as a romantic dinner for two, or if you are a social butterfly looking to be surrounded by thousands of gay counterparts, here are some must-do events that are happening throughout the remaining winter season:
Elevation Utah 2012
Rated as the No. 1 ski destination by Ski Magazine, Park City, Utah, presents its second annual Gay Ski Week Feb. 23-26. According to founder Tom Whitman, “Unlike some of the other ski weeks, the Elevation events are geared to be friendly and open and fun, not really geared toward VIP velvet ropes.” Although these events are described as laid-back, the DJ line-up is quite impressive. World-class DJs such as Roland Belmares, Josh Peace and Pornstar will spin. “Daytime activities are usually taken up by skiing and snowboarding, while the official events happen at après-ski time,” Whitman says. The welcome event is held Feb. 23, and culminates in a series of evening parties at venues such as Downstairs, Sidecar, and Jam Salt Lake City. Purchase tickets and get discounted hotel rates at utahgayski.com.
Telluride Gay Ski Week
Can’t get enough of Elevation Utah? Hop over to its neighboring state Colorado where the city of Telluride presents its own Gay Ski Week, Feb. 25 through March 3. This weeklong event is produced by StraightOut Media & Marketing and supports the Telluride AIDS Benefit. Activities include Nuclia’s Get Wasted Party, the annual White Night party, and the first ever “Wig Run,” where everyone from locals to gay skiers can celebrate the week by skiing in their best wig creation. The guest list will be jumping, as three “A-Listers” from Logo TV will be in attendance, including Reichen Lehmkuhl, Chase Hutchison and Levi Crocker. To top the week off, the resort will be celebrating the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” by allowing active members of the military to party for free the entire week and receive military discounts from lift tickets to rentals all over town. Purchase tickets and weekly passes at telluridegayskiweek.com.
Royal Caribbean’s Allure of the Seas
Set sail with the world’s largest cruise ship and surround yourself with 5,400 like-minded gay travelers. Royal Caribbean’s Allure of the Sea departs Sunday and cruises to the Mexican cities of Cozumel, Costa Maya and Hispanolia and returns after an indulgent seven days on Feb. 5. The LGBT vacation company Atlantis Events, Inc. brings you attractions such as five architectural dance floors, 13 restaurants and cafes, a plethora of theaters presenting performances such as “Chicago” and Dixie Longate’s “Tupperware” show, and adventuresome activities such as rock climbing, zip lining and ice skating. At the western Caribbean ports, you can take part in island excursions such as diving, snorkeling, exploring Mayan ruins or kicking back on the powder-white sand beaches. Broadway diva Idina Menzel and gay comedian Bruce Vilanch will appear. Go to atlantisevents.com for details.
Arizona Gay Rodeo
Looking for something low-key with warm weather, surrounded by dozens of gay cowboys? Visit the Rawhide at WildHorse Pass during Presidents Day weekend (Feb. 17-19) located in Chandler, Ariz. This is the kick-off Rodeo of 2012 hosted by the 25-year-old Arizona Gay Rodeo Association (AGRA). Experience events such as bull riding, roping challenges, speed events on horseback and the Wild Drag Race. Located only 17 miles from the city of Phoenix, you can end your day at one of the popular gay pubs in the capitol, such as Charlie’s Phoenix, Kobalt or Apollo’s Lounge, which offer specials during rodeo weekend. Visit agra-phx.com to purchase tickets and to obtain a discount code at the Radisson Hotel Phoenix-Chandler. For an affordable $25 weekend pass to all Rodeo events, gay cowboy heaven is only a Stetson away.
LGBT Winter Weekend in NYC
Taking a trip to New York City is always a blast, but now various Travel Alternatives Group (TAG) approved hotels offer an even greater incentive for a weekend trip to the city. Visit the Danfords Hotel & Marina Feb. 24 through March 31 and purchase the “Romance” package for two, starting at $429, which includes a one-night accommodation, Champagne and strawberries upon arrival, a 50-minute side-by-side couples massage at Blue Sapphire Spa and $100 credit toward the Wave Seafood Kitchen. The Garden City Hotel, also located in Long Island, is offering the “All for Love” couple’s retreat ($399). Included are overnight deluxe accommodations, chocolate-covered strawberries and a three-course Valentine’s dinner for two in the private dining room of the hotel’s signature restaurant, Rein. Prefer to stay on the island of Manhattan? Enter the promo code, GLBT11 for up to 20 percent off the best available rate at the Hilton New York (newyork.hilton.com).
Winter Party Miami
Surround yourself with miles of white sandy beaches, thousands of men in Speedos and the bumping base of music spun by legendary DJs such as DJ Joe Gauthreaux. The expected attendance of 10,000 LGBT partiers will benefit the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force through each event and ticket purchased at the Winter Party. Heavily anticipated events include the Under One Sun Pool Party, Boiling Point (Sunday night dance party at Cameo nightclub), and Heaven & Hell at the Pool. Women can experience girls-only events at The Tudor House, which will host the Sunday Brunch party March 4, as well as dance parties at The Stage and Trio on the Bay. The Surfcomber Miami is the official hotel for the Winter Party and will host the welcome event Spark on Feb. 29 as well as being the location of the two pool parties. Tickets and weekly passes to the events can be purchased at winterparty.com.
Vallarta Girl
A chance to experience a five-day lesbian party in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico is worth the last minute splurge. The “Vallarta Girl” event is in its second year and takes place Feb. 16-20. Daily events include lesbian cruises, jungle excursions and night parties with world-class DJs. Celebrities such as Rose and Whitney from “The Real L World” will be in attendance as well as well-known artists, DJ Lezlee and DJ Saratonin. A popular gay-friendly destination, Puerto Vallarta offers a selection of women-only bars, such as CC, The Palms and Mañana. Purchase tickets and receive a discount fare from Alaska Airlines at vallartagirl.com.
Gay Mardi Gras, New Orleans
Famous for its huge Carnival celebrations, rowdy Bourbon Street crowds and inspirations from the French, Spanish and Native American cultures, Mardi Gras is one of the most anticipated annual celebrations in America. Thankfully, the “Fat Tuesday” festival offers a variety of LGBT events to celebrate our own Gay Mardi Gras. For example, The Mardi Gras Bourbon Awards has been an annual costume event for more than 40 years, where contestants can win awards in categories such as Best Drag, Best Leather, or Best of Show. This event will be held on Feb. 21. Other events include the Krewe Balls and Mardi Gras Bead Toss. Check out these after-party gay bars: Bourbon Pub, Café Lafitte, and Le Roundup.
Whistler Winter Pride
Not just another winter ski trip, Whistler presents an entire week of activities much like the summer Prides that take place across the U.S. From Feb. 5-12, Whistler Ski Resort in British Columbia, Canada organizes daily activities, ski trips and après-ski parties to keep you busy. For example, daytime activities include ski and snowboard lessons, snowmobile tours, inner tubing in the Coca-Cola Tube Park, dog sledding, zip lining and skeleton sliding. Evening activities include captivating events such as the Gender Bender Drag Ball at Garfinkles nightclub, a Ho Down at the Echo Valley Ranch & Spa, and a comedy night hosted by Vancouver’s Drag Diva, Symone Says. Women don’t get left behind, as there are special events just for the girls, such as the Burlesque show, starring Burgundy Brixx and the closing party, Shred Betties Bash. Tickets can be purchased for all events at gaywhistler.com/events.
Real Estate
Real terrors of homeownership come from neglect, not ghosts
Mold, termites, frayed wires scarier than any poltergeist
Each October, we decorate our homes with cobwebs, skeletons, and flickering jack-o’-lanterns to create that spooky Halloween atmosphere. But for anyone who’s ever been through a home inspection there’s no need for fake scares. Homes can hide terrors that send chills down your spine any time of year. From ghostly noises in the attic to toxic monsters in the basement, here are some of the eeriest (but real) things inspectors and homeowners discover.
Every haunted house movie starts with a creepy basement, and in real life, it’s often just as menacing. Mold, mildew, and hidden water leaks lurk down there like invisible phantoms. At first, it’s just a musty smell — something you might brush off as “old house syndrome,” but soon enough, you realize those black or green patches creeping along the walls can be more sinister than any poltergeist.
Black mold (Stachybotrys chartarum) is particularly fearsome – it thrives in damp, dark places and can cause serious respiratory problems. It’s not just gross – it’s toxic and, while some types of mold can be easily cleaned up, removing black mold can cost more than an exorcism.
Have you ever heard strange buzzing or seen flickering lights that seem to move on their own? Before you call the Ghostbusters, call an electrician. Faulty wiring, outdated panels, and aluminum circuits from the mid-20th century are the true villains behind many mysterious house fires. Home inspectors can also find open junction boxes, frayed wires stuffed behind walls, or overloaded breaker panels that hum like a restless spirit.
Imagine an invisible specter floating through your home – something that’s been there since the 1950s, waiting for you to disturb it. That’s asbestos. Home inspectors dread discovering asbestos insulation around old boilers or wrapped around ductwork. It’s often lurking in popcorn ceilings, floor tiles, and even wall plaster. You can’t see it, smell it, or feel it—but inhaling those microscopic fibers can lead to serious illness decades later.
Lead pipes, once thought to be durable and reliable, are like the vampires of your water system – quietly poisoning what sustains you. The results of a lead test can be chilling: even a small amount of lead exposure is dangerous, particularly for children.
And it’s not just pipes – lead paint is another problem that refuses to die. You might find it sealed beneath layers of newer paint, biding its time until it chips or flakes away. This is why, when selling a property built prior to 1978, homeowners must disclose any knowledge of lead paint in the home and provide any records they may have of its presence or abatement.
Scratching in the walls. Tiny footsteps overhead. Droppings in the attic. It’s not a poltergeist – it’s pests. Termites, rats, bats, carpenter ants, and even raccoons can do more damage than any ghost ever could.
Termites are the silent assassins of the home world, chewing through beams and joists until the structure itself starts to sag. Rats and mice leave behind droppings that can spread disease and contaminate food. Bats are federally protected, meaning your haunted attic guests can’t just be evicted without proper precautions. And I once had a raccoon give birth in my chimney flue; my dogs went crazy.
Ever step into a home and feel the floors tilt under your feet? That’s no ghostly illusion – it’s the foundation shifting beneath you. Cracked walls, doors that won’t close, and windows that rattle in their frames are the architectural equivalent of a horror movie scream.
Foundation damage can come from settling soil, poor drainage, or tree roots rising from under the structure. In extreme cases, inspectors find entire crawl spaces flooded, joists eaten by rot, or support beams cracked like brittle bones. Repair costs can be monstrous – and if left unchecked, the whole house could become a haunted ruin.
Some homes hold more than just physical scares. Behind the drywall or under the floorboards, inspectors may uncover personal relics – old letters, photographs, even hidden safes or forgotten rooms. Occasionally, however, there are stranger finds: jars of preserved “specimens,” taxidermy gone wrong, or mysterious symbols scrawled in attic spaces.
These discoveries tell stories of the people who lived there before, sometimes fascinating, sometimes chilling, but they all add to the eerie charm of an old home, reminding us that every house has a history — and some histories don’t like to stay buried.
So, while haunted houses may be a Halloween fantasy, the real terrors in homeownership come from neglect, not ghosts. Regular inspections, good maintenance, and modern updates are the garlic and holy water that turn a trick of a home into a treat.
Valerie M. Blake is a licensed associate broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH @properties. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her via DCHomeQuest.com, or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.
Advice
Sexual desire is waning, should we open our relationship?
Couple faces difficult choices after seven years
Dear Michael,
When I met my husband seven years ago, I was super attracted to him and we had a really hot sex life.
That feeling has been waning for a while and now I am just not feeling it.
I know that people get older, gain weight, get less attractive over time but that’s not the case here. Ben is as good looking as ever. But I have little desire to have sex with him.
It bothers me that I don’t really want to have sex with the guy I love and want to spend the rest of my life with.
Is this why everyone else I know has an open relationship? Is there something I can do to want to have sex with my husband again?
This is causing major problems in my marriage. I don’t initiate anymore and half the time I find an excuse to not have sex when Ben initiates. He knows something is up but I usually blame it on work stress or not feeling well. I don’t want to hurt his feelings.
Aside from this, I love Ben and we have a lot of fun together. We’re very close, talk about all sorts of stuff, but not this.
Michael replies:
Pretty much everyone in a long-term relationship has to deal with decreased desire at some point.
Sex changes after you’ve been with your partner for a while. Sex is not going to be as easy, hot, and irresistible as it was at the beginning of the relationship. Newness generates a lot of the sexual heat at the outset of a relationship, and when the newness is gone, you don’t easily feel the same sizzling excitement that you felt when you first met.
Unfortunately, the kind of sex that people have at the beginning of a relationship is totally glorified in our culture as the gold standard of sex.
I say “unfortunately” because it’s not possible to consistently have the hot sex of a new relationship, ongoing, with a long-term partner. So if you think that is the best or only kind of sex to have, you will be contemptuous of anything else, and you will be disappointed in your sex life with your partner as time marches on.
But the sizzling sex people have at the start of a relationship is just one way to have sex. If you are willing to be imaginative, and are open to change, there are many other kinds of sex that can be wonderful.
How about sex for emotional connection? Sex for physical closeness? Sex for romance? Sex to celebrate just being together?
So, consider changing (not lowering!) your expectations. Rather than sulking or moping that you don’t want to spontaneously jump Ben’s bones, be open to having sex with your husband that is based more on your relationship and on your love for each other.
Now, here’s a whole other angle to consider: While the excitement of a new partner often fades, there are still ways to generate excitement and passion in a long-term relationship by taking risks and revealing yourself more deeply. Stick with me and I’ll explain.
- You haven’t said anything to Ben about your waning interest. I encourage you to re-think this. You would be much better positioned to tackle this issue collaboratively. Not talking about how stuck you feel is likely to deepen your feeling of shame and fear that something is wrong. Speaking with Ben about what is actually a fairly common couples’ issue could be a relief.
- Ironic as this may seem, the closer two people are, the less comfortable they may be being frankly sexual with each other. Clients often tell me that they are more comfortable expressing their real desires to someone they hardly know (or don’t know at all) than to their significant other. For one thing, the more your partner means to you, the more you may fear rejection if you reveal sexual feelings and desires that might upset or even shock your partner. For another, as couples get closer, sex may start to feel like too much closeness, and avoiding sex may be a way to create some space.
Not speaking up about what is important keeps you distant from your partner and drains your relationship of vitality. A powerful antidote to this: work toward becoming a person who can take risks, tolerate discomfort and uncertainty, and be able stand on your own when you don’t get your partner’s validation.
Talking with Ben, whether it’s about your lack of spontaneous desire for sex, or about sexual interests you may be keeping from him for fear of judgment, would involve your making uncomfortable moves that might lead to Ben’s judgment or even rejection. But doing so would also, of course, allow the possibility of more happening between you sexually. It would also let Ben know you better, thereby deepening the level of intimacy in your relationship. Making these moves could also be inherently exciting, which —guess what—could help to shake you out of your sexual doldrums and bring more passion and life into your relationship.
Similarly, you might start initiating. Even if you’re afraid it won’t go well and even if you’re not feeling it. That is the only way you are going to figure out how to have satisfying long-term sex. Take the need for an erection or orgasm off the table. Sex with your partner should not be a performance. Go for closeness, connection, and what feels good. And challenge yourself to go places that you are uncomfortable about going.
If any of this intrigues you, “Passionate Marriage” and “Intimacy and Desire,” both by David Schnarch, explore how your sexual connection can deepen over time in a long-term relationship.
Finally, with regard to your considering an open relationship as a remedy: Do you think that would enhance the sexual connection between you and Ben?
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
Wedding Announcement
Douglas M. Haller and Timothy H. Longnecker wed in Detroit, Michigan
Couple weds in Detroit, Michigan
Douglas M. Haller and Timothy H. Longnecker were married on September 15, 2025 in Detroit’s gay-welcoming suburb Ferndale after 11 years as domestic partners in Midtown Detroit. Julia Music, coordinator of LGBTQ Pride celebrations in Ferndale, served as officiant.
The couple sang stanzas of the 1927 song “Side By Side” as their vows, concluding with an AI Gay Wedding Pledge: “to be Allies pursuing happiness, equality and shared dreams.”
The couples’ families hail from Detroit’s Old Redford neighborhood; Douglas is Irish and French-Canadian, Timothy is German and English. DNA testing confirmed to the couple that each shares substantial ancestry from Ostrobothnia, Finland.
Douglas began his advocacy as a gay cultural and political activist in 1971 by coming out in the disco dance scene of Detroit’s Gay Palmer Park neighborhood. In Washington, D.C. after 1974, he was an interior designer at Georgetown’s Little Caledonia boutique. Douglas became the co-owner of Hermes Antiques with Helen Coutts, a retired English Literature teacher from Redford H.S. On S St. at Connecticut Ave., D.C.’s first Pride celebrations were held in front of their shop, alongside Lambda Rising bookstore. Following victimization in an anti-gay hate attack, Douglas became the public awareness coordinator of the Gay Activists Alliance, and was the principal organizer of its Anita Bryant demonstration at Dupont Circle.
Returning to Detroit in 1979, Douglas achieved an M.A. in Ancient History & Archival Administration at Wayne State University (WSU), studying under Finley Hooper & Philip Mason; his Master’s Essay re: an American Labor Movement cartoonist, utilizing the Walter Reuther Library’s archives. His WSU 1973 B.A. included American Political/ Diplomatic History, & Interdisciplinary Studies. During 1979-82 he was Information Officer of ASP (Assoc. of Suburban People)— Metro Detroit’s largest gay and lesbian social and political organization.
Douglas relocated toSan Francisco in 1982. He was Curator of Photographs at California Historical Society Libraries in Pacific Heights and Los Angeles. Living in the Mission & Haight, he was active in Castro and South-of-Market gay life, just as the HIV/AIDS epidemic first appeared.
In 1986 Douglas relocated to Philadelphia, as Head Archivist of the University of Pennsylvania Museum of Archaeology/Anthropology; authoring an illustrated book on Maison Bonfils, 19th-century French photographers of the Near East. Douglas was Founding Archivist of Penguin Place, now Philadelphia’s William Way LGBT+ Community Center. He became a Charter Member, Academy of Certified Archivists; and Founding Member, Lesbian/ Gay Archives Roundtable, Soc. of American Archivists (Chicago).
Returning to WSU’s Reuther Library (1998), Douglas was Coordinator of Audiovisual Collections, & History of Photography Instructor. Following 9/11 Attacks (2001), he relocated to New Orleans as Head Curator of Louisiana State Museums. Later owning the Gay-welcoming Creole Inn B&B in the Marigny (nr the French Quarter), with his finger on the pulse of Nawlins’ Gaylife—until Hurricane Katrina (2005). GLBT+ neighborhoods weren’t inundated—becoming lively islands amidst destruction. Douglas returned to Detroit in 2008 as caregiver for his mother, Jeanette Kalahar (Haller) Marchand, formerly a radio singer in 1940s Detroit. He met Timothy in 2014.
Timothy achieved a 1991 MBA in Finance & 1985 BS in Management Information Systems from the Univ. of Michigan-Ann Arbor. During 30 years, he held Information Technology & Automotive Business positions in Metro Detroit & LA, including Partner at Deloitte & Touche, Ford Motor & IBM. As a Consultant, his work involved extensive travel in North America, Europe & Asia. He has two married daughters from a previous marriage, a Pediatric Cardiology Nurse Practitioner & a Recruiting Executive for Automotive Technology clients, both living in Metro Detroit. As their final project before retirement, Timothy & Douglas worked as Archivist & Technology Consultant for Detroit educators Harriet (Choreographer) & Irving (Sculptor) Berg. Harriet acted as a godmother during their early relationship & they assisted in caregiving during her final years.
Timothy and Douglas spend their retirement in a 1905 apartment near the Detroit Institute of Arts’ exhibits, films and concerts, enjoying ethnic restaurants, and traveling. In 2025 they went by train to experience the “First Homosexuals 1869-1939” exhibition in Chicago. The curator of the exhibition, Jonathan Katz, 1976 book “Gay American History”, inspired Douglas to become a gay archivist.
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