Living

We are family

Local LGBT group helps same-sex couples navigate the path to parenting

Published

14 years ago

March 15, 2012

Joey DiGuglielmo

Renee Perrier (left) and Karen Combs with their daughter, Amaris Perrier-Combs, 3. (Photo courtesy of the family)

Amaris Perrier-Combs can count from one to 20.

She’s working on the alphabet. She’s fully potty trained. She speaks in full sentences. The three-year-old’s parents are noticing new skills emerge all the time.

“The latest thing I’ve noticed is she’s starting to put words to her feelings,” says Renee Perrier, a local social worker who’s raising her daughter with partner Karen Combs in D.C.’s Brookland neighborhood. “She can say, ‘I’m mad,’ or, ‘You hurt my feelings,’ or, ‘I’m happy,’ or, ‘I had a great day today.’ We’re able to have a dialogue now.”

It might sound like typical child development stuff for her age, but Perrier and Combs say it’s doubly touching to them — because of the greater number of steps same-sex couples have to take to become parents but also because of some things in Perrier’s past.

“It’s easy to see she’s just totally comfortable in her own skin,” Perrier says of Amaris. “It took me many years of therapy to be at that place, so to see her have that confidence is really amazing to me. She’s hitting all the milestones in terms of development and she’s having just a very wide circle of cultural and diverse experiences. She’s just an incredible child.”

Like many same-sex couples in the region, Perrier and Combs took the Maybe Baby classes offered by Rainbow Families D.C., a local LGBT family resource non-profit. It’s an eight-week class designed for LGBT prospective parents, single or partnered, who are considering parenthood and interested in learning more about the options available for building a family. It’s $125 for an individual or $250 per couple for the class. The fee includes a one-year membership to Rainbow Families D.C. (rainbowfamiliesdc.org).

Perrier and Combs found it incredibly helpful.

“I like that it was not just inclusive but just as the title suggests, it’s for people who are considering as I like to call it ‘purposeful parenting,’” Perrier says. “This really helps you make an informed decision — is this for us, is this not for us, because maybe it isn’t. Where are you in that process? They’re very knowledgeable about it and you’re with a group of people who are considering the same things. How do you conceive? Known donor, unknown, anonymous — all those things are invaluable.”

The group offers two or three “sets” of the classes each year. Originally a program of Whitman-Walker Health under its Lesbian Services umbrella, Rainbow Families D.C., which grew out of an AOL listserv group, started overseeing the classes about four years ago. It has about 300 LGBT families on its roster who pay the $35 annual membership fee, which keeps the group’s expenses covered.

And the classes have been popular — there’s always a waiting list for the upcoming sessions. Classes are held separately for men and women. Men have shown increased interest in the classes in recent years, organizers say.

“It’s been wonderful to see, particularly among men,” says Ellen Kahn, board president. “I think more and more men are saying, ‘This is how I see myself, this is the future I want … you see more men at the Rainbow Families events pushing a stroller or chasing their kid around … the opportunities are greater than they were 10 or 20 years ago. We’re still a minority, you’re still going to be one of maybe only five families in your school and there are still a lot of people who don’t get it … so not all our work is done, but that’s one of the things we talk about, the legal issues and support in the workplace. Those are the kinds of things you get to do in the eight-week sessions, the practical things, the legal things, adoption, what’s real life look like, what are the friendly neighborhoods and so on.”

Terrence Heath, back, and Richard Imirowicz and their children Parker, 9, and Dylan, 4. (Photo courtesy the family)

Kahn, who’s been volunteering in the women’s classes for years, knows a lot of this from first-hand experience. She and her partner Julie have two kids — Ruby, 12, and Jasper, 8. She says a lot has changed in the years since they started their family. Kahn says in addition to the increased interest from gay men, lesbian couples are starting their families at younger ages than in previous years.

“The median age used to be like 37-38, now it’s like 31-32,” Kahn says. “These younger couples are getting married if they can and they’ve got their plan and they’re more aware that they’re going to have kids. My generation, it was like, can we do it, how would we do it, there was this sense of stepping into new territory but our current generation of men and women have seen more positive representations of LGBT parents and the opportunities are greater than ever, so it’s interesting. It’s almost a more traditional approach to family building where you get married, have a kid …. There’s a lot more confidence and certainty and that’s been wonderful to see.”

Richard Imirowicz, a local child psychologist who’s adopted two sons — Parker, 9, and Dylan, 4 — with his partner, Terrance Heath, took the classes first by himself then again after he and Heath began their relationship in 2000.

“I just always knew I wanted this,” Imirowicz says. “Even as a kid, I’d be in church and see the Catholic stages of life — baptized, married, have kids — and I just knew I wanted a family except I also knew I wanted to marry a man, not a woman.”

He says the classes made the process of starting a family “very comfortable and real.”

Heath now co-facilitates Maybe Baby classes and says he “wants to make sure it’s a resource available to other people.”

Lisa Prillaman and her partner, Heather Murray, chose another path — a sperm donor for Murray for what they call “the good old-fashioned way.” Their daughter is 9 months old and they declined to give her name.

Prillaman says the course helped them weigh their options.

“It was very helpful in getting us going,” she says.

From left are Matthew O’Hara, Elijah O’Hara, Mackenzie O’Hara and Patrick Koontz, a D.C. family. (Photo courtesy O’Hara)

Matthew O’Hara had gone through the class and was a foster parent to his son, Elijah, 5, before he and his partner Patrick Koontz got together and jointly adopted Elijah’s sister, Mackenzie, 3. They’ve set up house together on the Hill.

O’Hara says the hurdles to same-sex parenting can feel overwhelming and daunting but those with tenacity can make it happen.

“It definitely has this element where everything feels so intentional,” he says. “You have lawyers and social workers and all this stuff swirling around, you have to take training, you have to be CPR certified but I had a colleague tell me several years ago, she was an adoptive mom, a straight woman, and she had adopted two kids and she told me that adopted kids find you and I always remember that when I get overwhelmed with all the rigmarole. It’s not all bad — a lot of it is good stuff, but it can be crazy and chaotic because you have all this going on in addition to the potty training and on top of jobs, but more and more, you know, when we feel stressed about getting everything done or feel tired or we’re worrying about finances or which D.C. schools are good enough for our kids, it’s just the way it goes. I’m very proud of the house we set up and how it all came together.”

Related Topics:Ellen Kahn Maybe Baby Rainbow Families

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FUND LGBTQ JOURNALISM

Real Estate

Introducing Next-Generation Assisted Living & Memory Support.

Now Available in Tysons: Kokua at The Mather

Published

1 week ago

May 28, 2026

Autos

A magical Mercedes

S-Class continues to define what luxury really means

Published

2 weeks ago

May 23, 2026

Joe Phillips

Mercedes S-Class

At my stage of life — “somewhere between 40 and death,” as the iconic line goes in the musical “Mame” — I want some pampering. A lot of pampering.

Luckily, for anyone who constantly craves a soothing spa, steam room or sauna, there’s the completely updated Mercedes S-Class. This flagship sedan is now so full of glitz, glamour, and gee-whiz gadgetry, it gives new meaning to the term “auto erotica.”

Does this make the S-Class a “gay” ride? For me, any vehicle that pushes my buttons like this one is a Kinsey 6.

MERCEDES S-CLASS

$122,000 (est.)

MPG: 21 city/31 highway

0 to 60 mph: 4.3 seconds

Trunk space: 19 cu. ft.

PROS: Exceptional comfort. Ultra-quiet cabin. Cutting-edge safety.

CONS: Price climbs fast. Tech learning curve. Sportier competitors.

The S-Class continues to define what luxury really means, with a bolder silhouette, larger grille, and striking, next-gen LED headlights. There’s also an optional illuminated Mercedes star on the hood. Overall, nearly 2,700 parts are new or improved, so more than 50 percent of this vehicle has been updated. An extreme makeover, to be sure.

At the same time, this latest S-Class leans harder into intelligence and electrification than ever before. Under the hood, a range of turbocharged inline-six and V8 engines — paired with mild-hybrid systems — deliver power in a way that seems almost edited for smoothness. Braking is solid and strong, too, but never abrupt. All the engineering is fine-tuned and intentional.

Yes, the top-of-the line S580 version is more expensive, almost $140,000. But it’s also blisteringly fast, zipping from 0 to 60 mph in just 3.9 seconds. That’s as lickety-split swift as a Lamborghini Revuelto supercar, which has a starting MSRP of $610,000 and can easily exceed — yowza! — $800,000.

Colors? There are 150 to choose from for the exterior and 400 for the interior. You can even customize the illuminated door sills, interior stitching and wheel accents.

And the ride quality? Sublime. Adaptive air suspension reads the road constantly, leveling out imperfections before they even register. Rear-axle steering enhances maneuverability, making this full-sized sedan feel surprisingly nimble in tight spaces. On the highway, the S-Class simply glides like a private yacht on the calmest of seas — extremely quiet, composed and completely unbothered.

Whenever you slide inside, the cabin immediately sets the tone. A massive OLED digital display — the same high-def technology used for cinematic viewing and gaming monitors — anchors the dashboard, running the latest MBUX infotainment interface. Highly customizable, this software allows for advanced voice commands that feel natural, not forced. And an augmented-reality navigation system takes your route and overlays it onto live camera feeds. It’s intuitive — mostly, as there is a learning curve for all this cutting-edge gear. Overall, though, such amenities make older setups feel like dial-up internet.

A Burmester surround-sound stereo is available in 3D or 4D, with up to 31 speakers, 1,690 watts and tactile transducers in the seats that vibrate and pulse with the music. Those seats are, of course, extremely comfortable. And the seatbelts? These are now heated.

Let’s not forget the latest cabin air-filtration system, which can remove ultra-fine particles to deliver air quality that rivals medical environments. Clean air, yes, but even this seems like a special treat. It’s like being swaddled in couture, not ready-to-wear.

And lastly, there’s the rear-seat area, which — to be honest — is where the S-Class really shines. Executive packages offer multi-contour reclining seats with rapid heating and ventilating, heated armrests and massage functions. You can opt for a footrest, which ups the glam factor to give you a calf massage. Dual 13.1-inch display screens come with their own remote controls. There’s also a video-conferencing feature, to help transform the rear cabin into a fully connected mobile office. For me, it feels less “back seat” and more “private lounge.”

Even in fiction, high-tech luxury carries weight. Tony Stark helped cement the idea that state-of-the art vehicles can be aspirational, not just practical. The magical S-Class fits right into that narrative — minus the flying suit (for now).

Advice

I’m a 64-year-old single gay man and I hate my life

How can I turn things around before it’s too late?

Published

2 weeks ago

May 22, 2026

Michael Radkowsky

I’m officially old, maybe even nearing the finish line and I’m getting bitter.

Dear Michael,

I’m a 64-year-old single gay man and I hate my life.

I’ve never had a relationship that lasted more than a few months. I can’t say why. I don’t think I’m defective. I wasn’t unattractive when I was younger (still not bad looking), I think I’m an interesting person to spend time with, but everything always seemed to fizzle out.

Thankfully, I missed AIDS because I came out after people knew what to do. Sometimes I wonder if fear of contracting the virus metastasized into a fear of getting close. I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve consciously kept people away. Consciously I have wanted someone to share my life with, very much.

With my 65th birthday and official senior citizen status approaching, I’ve been taking stock of my life and am coming to the hard realization that I’m never going to find that elusive partner.

I don’t go out anymore because people look right through me, except the ones who have a fetish for older guys. No one’s actually interested in me as me, a unique person rather than what they see on the surface.

I’m tired of my coupled friends. They’re always talking about “we.” Yes, I have become resentful that they have what I want and will never get. I know that’s not admirable but it’s how I feel, secretly, and I am sick of feeling like this when I am around them. So why be around them?

And I’m tired of my friends who are focused on sex all the time. It just all feels like a waste of time. I don’t get anything from a hookup anymore, they’ve been feeling increasingly meaningless. I feel like I’m someone’s momentary opportunity to get off, rather than any kind of real connection.

I’m just sick of the whole chase I’ve been doing for the last 40+ years.

I’m realizing that the whole thing has been pointless, a quest for a partner who is never going to materialize and a lot of diversions along the way that have added up to a despairing feeling that I’ve wasted my life trying to get something that will never happen.

Gay life hasn’t been so gay for me. And I’m officially old, maybe even nearing the finish line. Yes, if you haven’t noticed, I’m getting bitter.

What do I do with this dead end?

Michael replies:

How about looking for a different road to go down?

I’m not going to challenge your belief that you aren’t going to find a partner. I think it’s possible that you could, because there are other guys out there, in your age range, who are looking. But you have no guarantee, especially if you have decided to take it off the table.

So what else can you do with your life? How can you make your remaining time on this earth well-lived?

From your letter, it’s clear what you don’t want to do: Look for a boyfriend, hook up, or spend time with your current friends. Surely there must be more possibilities for your life than those options.

So my advice is to figure out some things you care about and start doing them. Travel? Volunteering? Getting a companion animal? Taking classes? Finding a new career? Those are just a few of the ideas I can come up with, but I don’t know you. What ideas can you generate, that you suspect you’d like to pursue?

In other words, start putting one foot in front of the other and go in some new directions that intrigue you enough to explore.

Sitting around feeling miserable does not help you to get anywhere. It keeps you feeling miserable. Sitting around waiting to feel better does not lead you to feel better. What would help you get to a better place would be to start taking action on your own behalf. Always keep in mind that while you are alive, with your faculties intact, you do have the choice to take this step, over and over and over again.

If you give yourself something (or some things) worthwhile to put your focus on, and do your best to shift your focus there whenever you notice that you are lamenting, I’m hopeful you will create a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

I’m also hopeful that if you are spending time doing things that you actually enjoy and that enrich your life, you may find more satisfying companionship than you are experiencing with your current friend group. (And yes, this could include a romantic relationship if you decide to be open to this possibility.)

A brief reply in an advice column can point you in the right direction, but it is likely not enough to sustain and motivate you through a major life overhaul.

Therefore, I suggest that you find a therapist to help you figure out how to move forward and what to move toward; and also to grieve, and put to rest as best you can, the loss of the life you hoped you would have.

I know that transcending the loss of a huge lifelong dream may seem impossible. But working toward this, as best you are able, would help you.

Relatedly, one more thing that I hope you can address with a therapist is your bitterness. I do understand why you feel so bitter, and I also think that it is torquing your life in a downhill direction.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, and New York. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].