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Queery: Daniel L. Hays

Legislative analyst by day, drag performer by night

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Daniel Hays, Muffy Blake Stephyns, gay news, Washington Blade
Daniel Hays, Muffy Blake Stephyns, gay news, Washington Blade

Daniel L. Hays a.k.a. Muffy Blake Stephyns (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

When Daniel L Hays moved to the Washington area in 2006 to take a job as a legislative analyst with the U.S. Department of Labor, he thought the drag he’d done back in his native Missouri was behind him.

And for his first few years in D.C., that was the case.

“I called my drag family in, said, ‘Here’s all my stuff,’ and they basically took it all. I thought I was done,” Hays says. “I just didn’t think I’d ever do it again. But I met up with the Bottoms clan and they had seen photos of what I’d done before so that’s when it started up again in about 2010.”

Known these days as Muffy Blake Stephyns — she had different last names in different iterations — Hays says drag is both a way to unwind and give something back.

“I love that I can be involved and bring awareness to other groups through charity shows,” he says.

That’s exactly how it started with his work with the Arlington Gay & Lesbian Alliance (AGLA). The group has its Miss Gay Arlington pageant tonight at 8 p.m. at Freddie’s Beach Bar (555 23rd Street, Arlington; $10 cover) where contestants will be judged in several categories in an event dubbed “The Glittery Rainbow Connection.” Reigning Miss Gay Arlington Stardust will be honored and a prize package valued at $900 is at stake. Details are available at agla.org.

Miss Gay Arlington started in 2011. Hays, crowned in January as Miss Gay Zodiac in the Academy of Washington, says it’s a way to “increase awareness and activities of AGLA events with a different demographic of people.”

Hays, 38, and his partner Patrick Frieslander, live in Old Town Alexandria with their two cats Xena and Cleo. He enjoys politics, drag, singing, antiques, travel and LGBT activism in his free time.

How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?

I have been totally out since 2004, though most responded with, “Yes, I know.”  2004 is when “the conversation” was had with my father. My father was the hardest to tell, in large part because he is a Southern Baptist deacon.

Who’s your LGBT hero?

Harvey Milk. I keep a poster in my cubicle with a picture of him and his famous “you gotta give ‘em hope” quotation.

What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present? 

The best place to be is not any particular establishment; it’s wherever my friends are. But if I have to choose a bar I would say Freddie’s, which makes everyone feel at home, even our straight allies. And Freddie does so much to support the community.

Describe your dream wedding.

A gathering of my family (biological and drag) along with a few other close friends to witness my partner and I commit our lives to one another, followed by a destination honeymoon with a few of our closest friends being invited to join us as we celebrate the happiest day of our lives.

What non-LGBT issue are you most passionate about?

Health care. I have had epilepsy since I was 13 years old. I am fortunate to have always had health insurance; otherwise the medical bills would have eaten me alive. A nation with the riches we collectively have should not have anyone being forced to make decisions about whether to get treatment or take medication based upon their ability to pay.

What historical outcome would you change?

In recent history I would have changed the outcome of Bush v. Gore and had Al Gore sworn in as the 43rd president of the United States.

What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?

The funeral of Princess Diana.

On what do you insist?

Being true to myself, and not caving to the pressures of society to conform to a particular image or stereotype. I have been fortunate to have an incredible drag mother, Shelby Blake Stephyns, who taught me this.

What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?

As you make your plans for the weekend remember to join us for the 2013 Miss Gay Arlington pageant on Friday at 8 p.m. at Freddie’s Beach Bar.

If your life were a book, what would the title be?

“Christian Panties: The Secret to Good Livin’”

If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?

Say thanks but no thanks. I am just fine the way God made me. I’m going to continue being true to myself.

What do you believe in beyond the physical world? 

I believe in God, however I don’t buy into the idea that any one religious sect has a claim on what/who God is. For me, God is a higher power that transcends religious and cultural divides and calls us each to be the best we can be, and in the process fulfilling his/her image of us.

What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?

Stick to the basics. The goal is equal rights for all. We are not after gay rights, or some special treatment; we are after equal rights for all, no exceptions.

What would you walk across hot coals for?

Lady Bunny’s wigs — I live for big hair.

What LGBT stereotype annoys you most?

Discrimination in any form annoys me. Unfortunately too many times the LGBT community falls into the trap of discriminating against and among us.

What’s your favorite LGBT movie?

“Sordid Lives”

What’s the most overrated social custom?

Most all of them — be true to you.

What trophy or prize do you most covet?

I’ve never really set my life goals around trophies or prizes. That being said winning the title of Miss Gaye Zodiac (D.C.) was a great honor, but RuPaul if you are reading this I’d love to headline your next tour.

What do you wish you’d known at 18?

The freedom that being true to one’s self brings.

Why Washington?

A job that pays the bills!

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Real Estate

Home is where the heart is

Tying Valentine’s Day to LGBTQ buyers and sellers

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(Photo by sundaemorning/Bigstock)

Valentine’s Day is often portrayed as a celebration of romantic love — flowers, chocolates, and candlelit dinners. But for many LGBTQ+ individuals and couples, Valentine’s Day can also be a moment to reflect on something deeper: the love that creates a safe, welcoming home.

For LGBTQ+ home buyers and sellers, homeownership is more than a financial milestone—it is an act of belonging, resilience, and pride. Owning a home can mean finally having a place where you can hold hands with your partner on the front porch, decorate with your authentic style, and build a life free from judgment. In this way, buying or selling a home is one of the most meaningful love stories many LGBTQ+ people will ever write.

This Valentine’s Day, whether you’re a first-time gay home buyer, a same-sex couple upgrading your space, or an LGBTQ+ seller moving on to your next chapter, it’s worth thinking about how love, identity, and real estate intersect—and how to navigate that journey with confidence, protection, and the right support.

Love, Identity, and the Meaning of ‘Home’

For generations, LGBTQ+ people were denied equal access to housing, homeownership, and legal protections. Even today, many LGBTQ+ home buyers still face subtle bias, uncomfortable interactions, or outright discrimination in the real estate process.

That’s why finding LGBTQ+ friendly real estate and an affirming gay friendly realtor or lesbian realtor matters so much. A home isn’t just a building—it’s a personal sanctuary. Working with LGBTQ+ real estate agents who understand your lived experience can make all the difference between a stressful transaction and a joyful one.

For over 30 years, GayRealEstate.com has been the leading gay real estate network, connecting LGBTQ+ home buyers and sellers with gay real estate agents, lesbian real estate agents, and LGBTQ+ friendly realtors who truly “get it.” Their mission has always been simple yet powerful: to ensure that every LGBTQ+ person has access to safe, respectful, and inclusive real estate services.

Finding Your Match: Choosing the Right LGBTQ+ Friendly Realtor

Much like dating, finding the right real estate agent is about compatibility, trust, and communication. Here are some key tips for choosing the best LGBTQ+ real estate representation:

  • Look for experience with LGBTQ+ clients. Search for a gay realtor near me or lesbian realtor near me through GayRealEstate.com, where agents are vetted for cultural competency and community commitment.
  • Ask about their experience with same-sex couple home buying. A strong agent should understand issues like joint ownership, legal protections, and financing considerations.
  • Choose someone who listens. You should feel safe sharing your priorities—whether that includes proximity to LGBTQ+ nightlife, affirming schools, or lesbian-friendly neighborhoods.
  • Prioritize respect and transparency. Your agent should advocate for you, not just push a quick sale.

The right gay friendly real estate agent isn’t just helping you buy a house—they’re helping you find a place to build your life.

Best Cities for LGBTQ+ Home Buyers

If love is your compass, location is your map. Some of the best cities for LGBTQ+ home buyers consistently offer strong community presence, legal protections, and welcoming neighborhoods:

  • Wilton Manors, Florida – A hub for LGBTQ+ culture with thriving LGBTQ+ real estate opportunities
  • Palm Springs, California – A long-standing LGBTQ+ retirement and second-home destination
  • Provincetown, Massachusetts – Historic LGBTQ+ community with progressive housing protections
  • Asheville, North Carolina – Growing market with inclusive real estate services
  • Fort Lauderdale, Florida – Diverse, welcoming, and highly sought-after for LGBTQ+ home ownership

Working with GayRealEstate.com allows you to connect with local LGBTQ+ real estate experts who know these markets inside and out.

Navigating Legal Protections in LGBTQ+ Real Estate

Love is universal—but legal protections are not always consistent. Understanding your rights is essential when buying or selling a home as an LGBTQ+ person.

Key protections include:

  • Fair Housing Act (FHA): Prohibits discrimination based on sex, which courts have increasingly interpreted to include sexual orientation and gender identity.
  • State and local protections: Many cities and states offer additional safeguards against LGBTQ+ housing discrimination.
  • Same-sex couple legal considerations: If you are married, joint ownership is typically straightforward. If not, consult an attorney about co-ownership agreements.

A knowledgeable LGBTQ+ friendly realtor from GayRealEstate.com can help guide you through these complexities and connect you with trusted legal professionals when needed.

Buying a Home as an LGBTQ+ Person: Practical Tips

If you’re embarking on your home-buying journey this Valentine’s season, here are smart, practical steps to take:

  1. Clarify your priorities. Do you want a vibrant LGBTQ+ neighborhood, quiet suburbs, or access to queer community spaces?
  2. Get pre-approved for a mortgage. This strengthens your position in competitive markets.
  3. Work with an LGBTQ+ real estate agent. Searching “finding a gay real estate agent” or “finding a lesbian real estate agent” through GayRealEstate.com is a great first step.
  4. Research inclusive communities. Some neighborhoods are more welcoming than others.
  5. Know your rights. If you experience bias, document it and seek legal guidance.

Buying a home is an act of self-love—and community love.

Selling a Home as an LGBTQ+ Person

Selling can be just as emotional as buying, especially if your home represents years of memories with your partner, friends, or chosen family.

When selling a home as an LGBTQ+ person, consider:

  • Working with a gay friendly realtor who will market your home inclusively
  • Highlighting LGBTQ+ community appeal in listings
  • Being prepared for potential buyer bias (and knowing how to respond)
  • Leaning on GayRealEstate.com’s LGBTQ+ real estate services for trusted guidance

Your story—and your home—deserve respect.

Real Estate for LGBTQ+ Families

More LGBTQ+ couples are raising children, fostering, or building blended families. This makes homeownership even more meaningful.

When searching for real estate for LGBTQ+ families, consider:

  • LGBTQ+ affirming school districts
  • Family-friendly queer communities
  • Safe neighborhoods with inclusive values
  • Access to LGBTQ+ resources and social networks

GayRealEstate.com specializes in helping LGBTQ+ families find homes that truly fit their lives.

Love, Pride, and Homeownership

At its core, Valentine’s Day is about connection. For LGBTQ+ people, homeownership can be one of the most profound expressions of love—love for yourself, your partner, your family, and your future.

Whether you are a first-time gay home buyer, a same-sex couple relocating, or an LGBTQ+ seller moving forward, you deserve an experience rooted in dignity, fairness, and celebration.

For over three decades, GayRealEstate.com has stood as the leading source for LGBTQ+ real estate, gay real estate, lesbian real estate, and LGBTQ+ home buying and selling representation. Their nationwide network of gay real estate agents, lesbian-friendly real estate agents, and LGBTQ+ friendly realtors ensures that your real estate journey is guided by professionals who understand your heart—and your home.

This Valentine’s Day, let your next chapter be written in a place where you can truly belong. Because when love leads the way, home is never far behind.


Scott Helms is president and owner of Gayrealestate.com.

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Advice

I keep getting rejected on the apps

Ready to give up on the gay dating scene

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Getting rejected on the apps? Try some old school, offline experiences to shake things up. (Photo by BAZA Production/Bigstock)

Dear Michael,

I keep getting rejected on the apps. I don’t want to put myself out there anymore.

I don’t understand gay men. I think they behave really badly.

Guys stop replying in the middle of a text conversation and then un-match me. Guys don’t show up when we make a plan to meet. After a date or even a hookup that it seems clear we both enjoyed, I never hear from the guy again.

I am a pretty good looking and successful guy. I’m not a model or a billionaire but I’m sincerely wanting to date and eventually share a life with someone.

Unfortunately, everyone I am meeting, even if they say they have similar aspirations for a partner, acts like they’re looking over my shoulder for something better, and drops me for I-don’t-know-what reason.

I don’t have a lot of trust in the sincerity of gay men.

I know I sound bitter but I’ve been at this for a while and it keeps happening.

I know there’s a saying that if it keeps happening to you, you must be the problem. Logically that makes sense.

Except, I think this keeps happening so often and so predictably that it’s not me. These people hardly know me. It’s more along the lines of, if everything about me isn’t exactly what they want, or some little thing that I say, think, or do offends them, they vanish.

I’m lonely, but what’s out there is awful. Maybe it’s best to not keep trying. 

If you have a different way of seeing it that’s honest, not just some fluff to make me feel better and be hopeful, please enlighten me.

Michael replies:

I agree with you, there is a lot of this kind of behavior out there. I hear stories similar to yours all the time. Though people do find great relationships online, relying on apps to meet a partner can be tricky.

Hookup apps have little to do with any kind of real connection. Often, they don’t even have much to do with sex. For a lot of people, they’re more about trying to fill up some kind of emptiness and seeking validation. They also, obviously, objectify men, which is the opposite experience of what you’re seeking.

And dating apps lend themselves to a sort of takeout menu concept of dating. You get to specify exactly what you’re looking for—a little of this, a lot of that, please omit something else—and then believe you should get what you ordered. As if that really exists. And when something isn’t just what you wanted, forget it. 

But life doesn’t work that way. Nor do people: You can enter the exact criteria for the man of your dreams, but he will surprise you or let you down at times in some major ways. That’s how it goes. Part of being in a relationship is accepting that we all have to deal with imperfection.

All that said, hordes of people are going to keep using all sorts of apps and keep looking for “perfect” partners and keep ditching perfectly fine guys for the most minuscule of reasons. 

But that doesn’t mean that you have to stay on the apps if it’s demoralizing you and leaving you hopeless.

Before you sign off, perhaps you would like to have some fun and be creative. Just for example, you could write in your profile that you’re interested in meeting a guy who isn’t looking for perfection and is looking for a decent soul rather than a set of stats. You still might encounter a lot of guys who ghost you for no apparent reason, but you also might have some luck finding a sincere someone with relationship goals that are similar to yours.

Another, complimentary strategy: Toughen up your attitude to stop letting let these rejections get under your skin. They have little to do with who you are (unless you are oblivious to some major issue about yourself), so you needn’t take them personally. In other words, expect this to keep happening; and when it does, laugh and keep moving forward.  

I understand you are feeling like giving up on gay men in general. Keep in mind that while there are a lot of reasons why many gay men focus more on sex and less on commitment, that isn’t true across the board. In my work over the years, I have met many gay men who are looking for what you’re seeking. You could strive to be hopeful that if you keep looking, you are likely to cross paths with some of them. 

And where you look may play a role.

Whether or not you stay on the apps, I suggest you seek additional ways to meet a potential boyfriend. Before apps existed, people did find other ways to meet romantic partners, and these ways do still exist. I know that this path is not an easy one. The whole dating endeavor isn’t easy. But difficult is not impossible.  

There are social and activity groups for gay men that are organized around some sort of shared interest. They aren’t overtly sexual, so often attract people who are interested in and looking for a deeper connection. Even if you don’t meet a boyfriend there, you might make some like-minded friends, and one thing may lead to another in all sorts of ways. 

There’s also plenty you can do as a human being (not simply as a gay man) in the offline world that might interest and even uplift you, where you just might meet a man you like. Again, you might also simply make some friends, and through having a bigger social life, might ultimately meet your guy.

Simply put: Don’t let yourself feel like or be a victim. Don’t keep putting yourself in miserable situations. And figure out what it means for you to do your best to make what you’d like to happen, happen. 

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, and New York. He can be found at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

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Real Estate

New year, new housing landscape for D.C. landlords

Several developments expected to influence how rental housing operates

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Muriel Bowser has advocated for more affordable housing during her time as mayor. (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

As 2026 begins, Washington, D.C.’s rental housing landscape continues to evolve in ways that matter to small landlords, tenants, and the communities they serve. At the center of many of these conversations is the Small Multifamily & Rental Owners Association (SMOA), a D.C.–based organization that advocates for small property owners and the preservation of the city’s naturally occurring affordable housing.

At their December “DC Housing Policy Summit,” city officials, housing researchers, lenders, attorneys, and housing providers gathered to discuss the policies and proposals shaping the future of rental housing in the District. The topics ranged from recent legislative changes to emerging ballot initiatives and understanding how today’s policy decisions will affect housing stability tomorrow.

Why Housing Policy Matters in 2026

If you are a landlord or a tenant, several developments now underway in D.C., are expected to influence how rental housing operates in the years ahead.

One of the most significant developments is the Rebalancing Expectations for Neighbors, Tenants and Landlords (RENTAL) Act of 2025, a sweeping piece of legislation passed last fall and effective December 31, 2025, which updates a range of housing laws. This broad housing reform law will modernize housing regulations and address long-standing court backlogs, and in a practical manner, assist landlords with shortened notice and filing requirements for lawsuits.  The Act introduces changes to eviction procedures, adjusts pre-filing notice timelines, and modifies certain tenant protections under previous legislation, the Tenant Opportunity to Purchase Act. 

At the same time, the District has expanded its Rent Registry, to have a better overview of licensed rental units in the city with updated technology that tracks rental units subject to and exempt from rent control and other related housing information. Designed to improve transparency and enforcement, Rent Registry makes it easier for all parties to verify rent control status and compliance.

Looking ahead to the 2026 election cycle, a proposed ballot initiative for a two-year rent freeze is generating significant conversation. If it qualifies for the ballot and is approved by voters, the measure would pause rent increases across the District for two years. While still in the proposal phase, it reflects the broader focus on tenant affordability that continues to shape housing policy debates.

What This Means for Rental Owners

Taken together, these changes underscore how closely policy and day-to-day operations are connected for small landlords. Staying informed about notice requirements, registration obligations, and evolving regulations isn’t just a legal necessity. It’s a key part of maintaining stable, compliant rental properties.

With discussions underway about rent stabilization, voucher policies, and potential rent freezes, long-term revenue projections will be influenced by regulatory shifts just as much as market conditions alone. Financial and strategic planning becomes even more important to protect your interests.

Preparing for the Changes

As the owner of a property management company here in the District, I’ve spent much of the past year thinking about how these changes translate from legislation into real-world operations.

The first priority has been updating our eviction and compliance workflows to align with the RENTAL Act of 2025. That means revising how delinquent rent cases are handled, adjusting notice procedures, and helping owners understand how revised timelines and court processes may affect the cost, timing, and strategy behind enforcement decisions.

Just as important, we’re shifting toward earlier, more proactive communication around compliance and regulatory risk. Rather than reacting after policies take effect, we’re working to flag potential exposure in advance, so owners can make informed decisions before small issues become costly problems.

A Bigger Picture for 2026

Housing policy in Washington, D.C., has always reflected the city’s values from protecting tenants to preserving affordability in rapidly changing neighborhoods. As those policies continue to evolve, the challenge will be finding the right balance between stability for renters and sustainability for the small property owners who provide much of the city’s housing.

The conversations happening now at policy summits, in Council chambers, and across neighborhood communities will shape how rental housing is regulated. For landlords, tenants, and legislators alike, 2026 represents an opportunity to engage thoughtfully, to ask hard questions, and to create a future where compliance, fairness, and long-term stability go hand-in-hand.

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