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Queery: Matt Thorn

The Baltimore gay community center director answers 20 gay questions

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Matt Thorn, GLCCB, gay news, Washington Blade
Matt Thorn, GLCCB, gay news, Washington Blade

Matt Thorn (Washington Blade photo by Kevin Majoros)

With Pride this weekend, it’s a busy time for Baltimore’s gay community center — officially known as the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Community Center of Baltimore and Central Maryland or GLCCB. It’s the organizing agency and events are planned throughout the weekend (baltimorepride.org, glccb.org).

Matt Thorn was a board member of the organization while working at Equality Maryland upon arriving in the city in 2011. In March, he became interim director of the Center. As of Monday, he’ll be its official director.

“I think there is and always will be a need for a gay community center,” the 26-year-old Newburgh, N.Y., native says. “I think the roles they play are changing because of how accepted the LGBT community is becoming but there will always be a need for these kinds of spaces in metro areas. I think the original intent, we’ll say back in the ‘70s and ‘80s, was for people coming out and having that safe haven but I think now we’re seeing the transition back more to actual community services such as HIV support or mental health support and also just being a place where you can go out and just do things together. … Like last night we had our Pride event with the Orioles. It’s important for people to see us, to know we’re here and to realize we’re just like everybody else. That’s still important.”

Thorn came to Washington to attend college at Catholic University in 2004 and worked on Capitol Hill until 2009 doing legislative correspondence and research in the office of former U.S. Rep. Brian Bilbray (R-Calif.).

Thorn and husband Michael LeMasters married in 2012 in Washington and live together in Baltimore. Thorn, a self-professed “workaholic,” enjoys travel, dinners and drinks with friends, Texas Hold’em, rowing on the Chesapeake Bay and time with their five dogs.

How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?

I have been out since I was 20. The hardest person to tell was my sister.

Who’s your LGBT hero?

Lorri Jean, the CEO of the L.A. Gay and Lesbian Center. Having met her several times I am always continuously fascinated at the work that she has accomplished and continues to do in L.A.

What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present? 

I have always been a fan of Nellie’s. I enjoy the sports bar atmosphere. For Baltimore, I have always enjoyed Club Hippo.

Describe your dream wedding.

I had my dream wedding. Just marrying my husband was the dream.

What non-LGBT issue are you most passionate about?

I am passionate about a lot. I would say immigration and Chesapeake Bay conservation. When I worked on Capitol Hill my boss was head of the immigration subcommittee and I did a lot work and research on the issues surrounding immigration. Since moving to Maryland and rowing on the Chesapeake Bay it has become dear to my heart and I think we must always keep focus on the impact that humanity has on the environment.

What historical outcome would you change?

I don’t believe that history should be rewritten because our history is what has brought us to today. However, one of the most devastating historical aspects for the LGBT community was the neglect of President Ronald Reagan toward the HIV/AIDS crisis in the ‘80s and I wonder that if he had acted differently and sooner what that outcome would have been.

What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?

When I had the chance to meet and hang out with Josh Charles from “The Good Wife.” He was just an awesome guy and so supportive of marriage equality. We had a good time just talking about politics, life, culture and more.

On what do you insist?

If you have something to say, say it to my face. I don’t always follow it myself but I try to be as honest with people as possible.

What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?

Pride Sunday lineup…. The MAINSTAGE! Check it out! Welcome first time host of the mainstage….fab and too funny Cory Holland!”

If your life were a book, what would the title be?

No Time for Bullsh*t!”

If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?

Personally I would do nothing and I would encourage those who would consider it to really think about what it would mean to them. It wouldn’t just be about changing sexual orientation. There are always more ramifications when you attempt to change something that is inherent to who you are.

What do you believe in beyond the physical world? 

Peace and comfort.

What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?

Don’t become narrowly focused. Always know that our movement is larger than sometimes we acknowledge.

What would you walk across hot coals for?

For a young person struggling with his/her sexual orientation or gender identity to let them know that it will be OK, that we who have done it so many times before are here for you and will help guide you.

What LGBT stereotype annoys you most?

I have a problem with stereotypes to begin with. I don’t think anyone should judge anyone based on how they act or what they say. There is always more underneath the cover.

What’s your favorite LGBT movie?

“Transamerica”

What’s the most overrated social custom?

Shaving, I wish I could just wake up and have it the way I wanted.

What trophy or prize do you most covet?

I would love an Academy Award.

What do you wish you’d known at 18?

Life is going to be an amazing ride but make sure you have your seatbelt on. I don’t think I would go into any detail because I wouldn’t trade any of my experiences, both the good and bad, for anything. It is what has made me who I am today.

Why Baltimore?

I love Washington and Baltimore. The State of Maryland is such an eclectic place. You can get to the mountains and the beach in a matter of hours and have two metro areas that are distinct and offer so much.

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Real Estate

Don’t procrastinate buying your home

Some experts predict rates will fall in June

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Spring is in the air and it’s a great time to buy a new home.

As springtime fills the air, cherry blossoms are blooming, much of the year still lies ahead and many have started to think about how they are progressing with their 2024 goals. If the dream of buying a house was put on hold when the interest rates went from 3% to almost 8%, and life got in the way of an idea that had gotten onto your to-do list, maybe now is the time to dust it off. 

Mortgage lender Tina Del Casale from Sandy Spring Bank says, “There is still hope the Fed will be happy with inflation numbers by June to finally pull the trigger on lowering interest rates.”  

The rates might not be as low as they were in 2021, but historically, they are still not as high as they were 20 years ago. Some people’s parents remember getting interest rates that were 12%, 14% or even higher.   

One of the biggest questions I get at homebuyer seminars is about is the process. What is buying a house ACTUALLY like?  I usually tell them that it’s like anything else. One step at a time. One form at a time. One bank transfer at a time. One house showing at a time. One home inspection at a time. If you have the wherewithal to plan a vacation, you can buy a house. 

  • Finding a Realtor
  • Finding a lender to get pre-approved (how much is your budget and what is a comfortable monthly payment)
  • Are there any first-time buyer programs that could be used? Is there down payment assistance?
  • Looking at the houses.
  • Finding one you like, and putting an offer together:
    • An offer usually involves a sales contract, any special forms that the jurisdictions require (lead-based paint acknowledgements, what appliances and systems in the house are included/excluded, if the home is part of a homeowners association, or a condo association, etc.)
    • Any forms related to getting an inspection done.
    • Who is selling the house, who is buying the house, how much is it being sold for, where it is exactly, and who are the others involved in the transaction (title company, agents, etc.)?
  • Getting any inspections done.
  • Negotiating any changes in the sales price or terms, or credits for inspection items.
  • Getting the final approval for the loan and then going to settlement.

Many people get interested in buying a house, but the “unknown” of it all can be daunting. It could be that the best way to think about it, is that like most things in life, you can’t cross every bridge BEFORE you get there. You just take it one day at a time. Some things will be surprisingly easy. Some things will require the advice of experienced lenders, Realtors, home inspectors and title attorneys.  

But if the process doesn’t begin somewhere, somehow, the idea just stays in one’s head in the “to do list” file.  And then 3 years go by, 5 years go by, 7 years go by. And your friends that DID buy a house laugh themselves to the bank when they go to sell the house they bought 3 years ago, 5 years ago, or 7 years ago.

If you need any recommendations for a local lender or Realtor, please don’t hesitate to ask.

Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with Metro Referrals. Reach him at [email protected] or 703-587-0597.

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Advice

Giving up drinking is killing our relationship

What happens when one partner is sober and the other isn’t

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I’m a 38-year-old guy, was single for most of my 30s, which I didn’t like at all, and I finally met a great guy last Memorial Day Weekend. 

Until New Year’s I would have said that everything was going great. I was on Cloud Nine. Eric is kind, handsome, smart, and a great catch.

But in December he decided to do “Dry January.” It was kind of on a whim I think. We were out with some friends and one of them said he was not going to drink at all for the month of January. He thought alcohol was playing too big a role in his life so he wanted to see what life would be like without it. Another friend said he would do it too, and then Eric said he would.

I wish we hadn’t gone out that night and then this whole thing wouldn’t have happened.

So, as the month progressed, Eric started talking more and more about how much better he was feeling without alcohol in his body or his life.

I don’t think we drank that much pre-January. Yes, we’d have something to drink every time we went out, with friends or just together, but not to excess.

At some point, Eric started saying that he wasn’t really enjoying going out with our friends, as he wasn’t drinking and they were (except the two friends who were also doing the Dry January thing). This meant I’d either go out without him (which I didn’t like) or we’d stay home, or go out just the two of us. But then if I’m drinking and he’s not, it just feels awkward. He hasn’t said anything but I feel like he’s judging me whenever I have a drink.

I was hoping he’d relax about the whole thing at the end of the month but now he’s decided he doesn’t want to drink anymore at all.

To make matters worse, he says that the month made him think more about the big role alcohol plays in his life (his words) and he has started going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

So where does this leave me? I do want to keep drinking. I’m just a social drinker and I don’t have a problem with alcohol. I think it adds a fair amount of fun to my life. Plus, all my friends drink (including the two who did Dry January) and it’s a big part of our socializing. If you don’t drink when everyone else is drinking, it’s really not fun and it feels weird.

At this point Eric doesn’t go out with the friend group we were going out with because he doesn’t have a good time as the only non-drinker. (I get it, that’s one of the reasons I drink when my friends are drinking.) So I go out sometimes without him, which as I mentioned doesn’t feel so good, and which I don’t think is great for our relationship; or I don’t go out with my friends, which I don’t like.

I love Eric and I could see us having a great life together but his not drinking has opened what feels like a chasm between us.

How do couples handle this situation, where one person wants to stop drinking and the other does not? The impact is seeming increasingly huge to me and I don’t see how to make it stop being a divisive problem.

Michael replies:

I don’t think that Eric’s sobriety needs to be a divisive problem, if you can tolerate that you don’t get to have your life with Eric be exactly as you would like. 

This is the same dilemma that everyone in a serious relationship must face. Our partners are always different from us in some important ways, even if it doesn’t seem that way at first. And we have to figure out how to live with these differences, contentedly for the most part.  Our partners face the same challenge. 

Of course, not every difference can be (or should be) resolvable. For example, if one person is determined to parent and the other person is determined to be child-free, it makes great sense to part ways — unless one person decides they’d rather stay with their partner than have it their way.  

You and Eric have to figure out if your differences around alcohol are a deal-breaker, or if you can find a way to build a solid relationship, even as you drink socially and he is sober.

Whether and how you do this are for the two of you to figure out.  That said, here are some ideas for your consideration: 

  • Can you accept Eric’s not joining you for some or even many of your social activities?
  • Can you and Eric talk about what might help him be more comfortable joining your friends now and then?
  • Can you ask Eric what it’s like for him when you are drinking, rather than assuming that he is judging you? (Important question for your consideration: What led you to make that assumption rather than asking him?)
  • If Eric is making friends in Alcoholics Anonymous, would you want to join him at times when he socializes with them? 

The main ingredients here are generosity, flexibility, collaboration, and curiosity.

Speaking of curiosity, rather than wishing that the two of you had missed that invitation to participate in Dry January, how about being curious about Eric’s decision to stop drinking? I suspect that your dismissiveness has a negative impact on his desire to be close to or confide in you. If you are curious about this important life change that Eric is undertaking, you will certainly learn a lot about your boyfriend, and likely deepen your connection.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

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Real Estate

Down payment strategies: Financing your home purchase 

Understanding the options key to unlocking the door to a dream home

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Looking for your dream home? First, you need to understand how to make the down payment.

Navigating the path to homeownership can be a complex journey, especially when it comes to accumulating the necessary down payment. For members of our LGBTQ community, understanding the available options for saving and financing this crucial aspect of home buying is key to unlocking the door to their dream home. Let’s explore effective methods and resources specifically designed to support LGBTQ individuals on their path to homeownership.

Traditional Savings Strategies

Saving for a down payment often begins with traditional methods such as setting aside a portion of your income into a dedicated savings account. High-yield savings accounts and automated savings plans, some offering up to 5% interest in today’s market, can expedite the process, providing a disciplined approach to accumulate funds over time. Additionally, exploring investment opportunities that match your risk tolerance can offer potential growth for your down payment savings.

Down Payment Assistance Programs

A variety of down payment assistance programs exist to help homebuyers with their initial costs. These programs often offer grants or low-interest loans to first-time homebuyers or those who haven’t owned a home in the past three years. 

It’s essential to speak with a GayRealEstate.com agent to determine what programs may be available, plus online research into local and state assistance programs, as many are designed to support individuals in specific communities, including the LGBTQ+ community.

For medical professionals, police, teachers, firefighters, and other community heroes, there are several special loan and assistance programs designed to help with home purchases, often offering benefits like down payment assistance, reduced closing costs, and more favorable loan terms.

The Hero Home Loan Program provides first responders, including police officers, firefighters, and paramedics, with benefits such as lower interest rates and reduced closing costs. This program aims to make homeownership more accessible by offering more flexible credit score requirements and down payment assistance .

For educators, firefighters, law enforcement officers, and medical professionals, the Everyday Hero Housing Assistance Fund (EHHAF) offers closing cost assistance through gift funds. This program is designed to support those who serve their communities by making homeownership more affordable, with no repayment required for the grant funds​​.

The HUD Good Neighbor Next Door Program offers up to 50% off the list price of homes for law enforcement officers, pre-Kindergarten through 12th-grade teachers, firefighters, and emergency medical technicians. This initiative aims to encourage community revitalization by assisting these professionals in homeownership within the communities they serve​​.

Homes for Heroes provides assistance specifically to first responders and offers significant savings through Hero Rewards when buying, selling, or refinancing a home. On average, participants save $3,000, with the program offering real estate and mortgage specialist connections tailored to the needs of first responders​​.

LGBTQ-Friendly Lending Options

Finding a lender that understands and supports the unique needs of our LGBTQ community can make a significant difference. Some lenders and organizations specialize in offering inclusive financial products and resources to assist LGBTQ+ homebuyers. These may include specialized mortgage products, financial planning services, and guidance through the home buying process.

The journey to homeownership is a milestone that requires careful planning and support. Remember, every step taken towards saving and financing your home purchase brings you closer to the dream of homeownership.

(GayRealEstate.com offers valuable resources and advice tailored to meet the unique needs of our LGBTQ+ community in their journey towards homeownership. For more comprehensive guidance and support in navigating the home buying process, visit GayRealEstate.com choose an agent and start a no-obligation conversation today.)

Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at [email protected].

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