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QUEERY: Alex Patchin McNeill
The More Light Presbyterians director answers 20 gay questions
Alex Patchin McNeill has had a somewhat circuitous path to career and faith.
Although a lifelong Presbyterian who initially found acceptance and encouragement upon coming out, there was a longstanding question about whether the 31-year-old Asheville, N.C., native would ever be allowed to be ordained in the Presbyterian Church (USA) denomination.
McNeill graduated from Harvard Divinity School in Cambridge, Mass., then came to Washington in July 2008. He did non-profit development work for a few years and for the last year has been director of More Light Presbyterians, an LGBT advocacy group. He’s still working toward ordination, has a few more classes to take and hopes to complete the process within the next couple of years.
He says the church’s decision last month to allow same-sex marriage was “an answer to prayer for a lot of people.”
But even with that landmark vote and its 2011 policy change to ordain LGBT clergy, McNeil says, “there’s still a lot of work to be done.”
“There are still a small percentage of churches in our denomination that are openly welcoming,” he says. “What More Light is working on is … helping individual churches strengthen their welcome and have it move beyond just being a statement, but also a path of engagement that they can really understand the nuances of what it means to be LGBT and how that impacts their congregational life.”
McNeill and his wife, Nicole, live in Hyattsville, Md. He enjoys riding his Vespa, playing guitar and spending time with the couple’s three dogs in his free time.
How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?
I first came out as a lesbian 14 years ago, when I was 17. I began coming out as a transgender man four years ago. When I first came out, the hardest place to come out was in my denomination because I knew then that I was called to be a minister but at the time the Presbyterian Church didn’t ordain openly LGBT people. Fortunately, individuals and ministers within my church were so supportive it helped me be brave enough to come out and live as a witness to the fact that you can be called to ministry and be LGBT.
Who’s your LGBT hero?
One of my heroes is Rev. Janie Spahr who courageously lived out her calling to minister to LGBT people in the Presbyterian Church, USA. She was one of the people who helped pave the path for openly LGBT people to serve in my denomination. Two weeks after I came out to my parents, I had the chance to meet her at an event where she spoke. She was one of the first people who helped me (and my parents) see that it was possible to be both queer and a minister.
What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?
I love the 9:30 club because it’s small enough to feel close to whoever is performing, but brings amazing artists who could rock a large arena.
Describe your dream wedding.
I’m lucky enough to have had my dream wedding already! It was a small ceremony held at the Outer Banks with our family and friends holding 40 flags with “Yay!” printed on them.
What non-LGBT issue are you most passionate about?
Is there such a thing? Every social justice issue impacts LGBT people.
What historical outcome would you change?
I would change any time Christian denominations or other faiths decided to rule that LGBT people were incompatible with their teachings. Fortunately many faiths have moved beyond this ruling, but it hasn’t changed the pain of rejection many LGBT people have felt from their religious traditions.
What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?
Let’s go with the most memorable pop culture moment of the past year: When Laverne Cox schooled Katie Couric on appropriate questions to ask a transgender person.
On what do you insist?
Strong coffee and bold patterns.
What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?
“Out of office: OK friends! Car and puppies are packed. Out of office is ON. Time for a week at the beach!!!”
If your life were a book, what would the title be?
“Finding the Courage to Take the Scenic Route”
If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?
Destroy the evidence! Just kidding. I follow the Gospel of Lady Gaga on this one “Baby you were born that way.” I wish science could find a way to change the world such that everyone could live as the fabulous creatures they are created to be.
What do you believe in beyond the physical world?
We are all connected to each other and something greater than ourselves.
What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?
We have to move beyond the idea that there is just one LGBT movement. There are multiple LGBT movements advancing rights and changing our culture of welcome for LGBT folks.
What would you walk across hot coals for?
1. Guaranteed world peace — no one is hungry, war doesn’t exist, people are loved for who they are. 2. I’m being chased by zombies.
What LGBT stereotype annoys you most?
The most insidious LGBT stereotype is that we can be neatly divided into the categories of “l,” “b,” “g,” and a “t” and that everyone fits within those boxes. Our gender and sexual identities are so much more complex and beautiful than one label can describe.
What’s your favorite LGBT movie?
“But I’m a Cheerleader”
What’s the most overrated social custom?
Not sure about the most overrated social custom, but I will say the most underrated social custom is smiling at strangers.
What trophy or prize do you most covet?
Any prize that would let me travel around the world for a year.
What do you wish you’d known at 18?
I wish I would have known that the most direct path to a goal isn’t necessarily the most rewarding or life giving. I thought I had my route all figured out when I was 18. I would have told myself earlier on that the scenic route is where all your life lessons are.
Why Washington? I love Washington because most everyone here is living life passionately. Whether their thing is politics, art, social justice or creating the perfect cupcake, folks here are following their dreams and inspiring those around them to find their calling too.
a&e features
Tickets on sale for chef Patrick O’Connell’s book launch event
Sept. 18 kickoff to feature José Andrés, Tom Sietsema
Acclaimed chef Patrick O’Connell is preparing to publish his new memoir, “Main, Middle & Gay” in September and he’s launching the book with an event on Sept. 18 at 6 p.m. at Lisner Auditorium featuring Chef José Andrés and former Washington Post food critic Tom Sietsema.
Tickets for the event go on sale Tuesday, July 21 at Ticketmaster; prices start at $55.
O’Connell, who’s gay, is the pioneering Michelin-starred chef and longtime proprietor of the Inn at Little Washington. He spoke with the Blade about the September event and the launch of his first memoir.
“I’ve known [Andrés and Sietsema] for more than 25 years and I have great respect for them,” O’Connell said. “I felt that it would allow us to add a different dimension rather than just have an interviewer. The chemistry will be fun and lively and unpredictable and exciting. I think we’re all different personalities and we’ll compliment each other.”
O’Connell has published cookbooks but this is his first memoir. The event will feature a short film that will highlight his work and the Inn.
“What I hope to do with the event is bring the book to life visually,” he said. “So we’re producing a short film that will be part of it. Most of the audience will not have read the book so it’ll give them a visual flavor of the book. It parallels the evolution of American cuisine over 50 years. It’s a rare perspective to be in the trenches for that long.”
The book’s title refers to the location of the garage on the corner of Main, Middle, and Gay streets in Washington, Va., where he launched his restaurant that became an international culinary destination.
The Blade will publish the rest of its wide-ranging interview with O’Connell in September in conjunction with the book’s release.
a&e features
The queer Asian comics building collective joy in D.C.
Spotlighting chaotic ways family, romance, identity take shape in their lives
Kevin Chen’s family tombstone has room for four: him, his parents and his boyfriend. The arrangement might prove to be a little awkward.
“My boyfriend is 100% white, and my parents are 100% disappointed,” Chen confessed.
Jokes about family traditions and the untraditional ways they’re practiced earned a burst of laughs at the bar where Chen was opening for the Pride Comedy Special. The D.C. stand-up event, produced by Comedy Bonfyre last month, spotlighted queer Asian comics who shared the chaotic ways family, romance and identity take shape in their lives.
From candid oral sex takes to top surgery hypotheticals like “Where do the boobs go?”, the night highlighted the loud camaraderie of the queer Asian experience — one that sounds like a cacophony of snorts, cackles and belly laughs. While the comics say they are not quite a community, there’s more than enough shared material to bring them together.
“It was such a magical experience. I loved performing in a queer API lineup. It feels so validating,” Chen said after the show. “I’m wondering, ‘Is this how white men feel all the time?’”
Each performance evoked queer Asian joy through a medium that could use more of its presence.
According to Chen, who is based in D.C., it’s hard to say whether there is a true queer Asian comedy presence in his city. There are only a scattered “handful” of Asian comics, and people of color are underrepresented in queer comic circles, he said.
When Tarunika Anand, a nonbinary lesbian comic, first entered the mainstream D.C. comedy scene, they mostly encountered straight white men, describing the experience as “a culture shock.”
“I feel like sometimes a lot of queer spaces are really white, and then a lot of Asian spaces are really straight,” Anand said. “I don’t feel like I fit into either.”
But feeling marginalized didn’t stop these comics from honing their craft and creating spaces for others like them. Alex Kim, who headlined the special and is based in Brooklyn, runs the queer Asian comedy group Boba Gays, which began on WhatsApp and has since made its way to Lincoln Center.
Every Wednesday, Anand co-produces a free comedy show called Funny Side Up. The queer-led group focuses on inclusivity and showcasing new talent.
“It’s really beautiful to speak about your experience and your existence in a way that’s uplifting,” Anand said.
Family is a major throughline of their comedic repertoires.
Chen, for instance, shared that he identifies with jokes about having Asian immigrant parents and the expectations they pass down.
“You see me, you know this part about me, you know this experience intimately, and I can see the truth that you’re trying to wrap a joke around,” he said. “That hits even harder because that’s my truth too. I think that’s what makes good comedy.”
Anand had the audience at the special howling when they explained that their parents’ be-more-like-them comparisons didn’t end when they came out. Instead, the expectations took on a new form.
“Now, my parents want me to be the best gay,” Anand said. “They’re like, ‘Do you know Ellen DeGeneres?’”
Kim said he’s been trying to unlearn things from his Christian Korean mom. Yet he described a moment when he was getting ready for the club and realized he looked just like his mother getting ready for church.
“I’ve been finding it hard to escape her,” Kim said.
Mutual recognition also radiates through the different ways queer love can take shape. From singlehood to death-do-us-part commitments, the comics cover just about every corner.
Anand is holding out hope for settling down with “a nice, pretty, Indian girl.” They recently went through a breakup and said they felt they dodged a bullet.
“As a person of color, I just don’t think I should be with a Swiftie,” they said.
Chen, touching on what it’s like to be in a queer interracial relationship, said that meeting his white boyfriend’s baby nephew for the first time felt like he was forced to participate in a diversity, equity and inclusion training.
“The dad was like, ‘Please welcome Kevin. Be curious about his culture, his history, his foods,’” Chen joked.
Laughter is not the only reward for the comics.
To Anand, comedy is a space where they can say whatever they want. “It gives me a voice,” they said.
Nik Narain, a North Carolina-based trans and nonbinary South Asian comic who performed at the special, said meeting older trans comedians and taking the stage helped him feel reassured in his identity during his transition.
“Stand-up was a really cool way to process that onstage,” he said. “[It] became a way for me to repackage my thoughts.”
Queer Asians are still figuring out their place in the greater D.C. comedy scene. The group is small in numbers and many are still working toward a full-time comedy career. But Narain feels he’s already made it.
Narain is reluctant to pin it all on one moment. He feels that success is already peeking through in milestones — opening for celebrities, traveling to performances and self-producing shows.
“As long as I can keep doing this, I’m super happy,” he said.
This story was produced as part of the AAJA VOICES fellowship program, a student journalism project of the Asian American Journalists Association (AAJA).
a&e features
Mr. Henry’s celebrates 60 years of proud inclusivity
Capitol Hill staple remains ‘a caring community’
America’s 250th isn’t the only milestone birthday D.C. is celebrating this year.
Beloved D.C. restaurant Mr. Henry’s, that Capitol Hill staple, celebrates its Diamond Jubilee all year long. Named for its original owner Henry Yaffe, the restaurant opened on a warm day 60 years ago in the summer of 1966 and has never looked back.
Yaffe took over what was then a country western restaurant, renovated the interior to his liking, and created an institution. Yet Yaffe had another goal. As a gay man, “he created Mr. Henry’s to be a place where everyone felt welcome — not easy in 1966 — and he succeeded,” says current owner Mary Quillian.

“Mr. Henry’s has long been a place the LGBTQ community has supported because they felt and still feel welcomed,” says Quillian. Even in the current administration, “the gay community and the diversity-minded community continue to come.”
Since then, Mr. Henry’s has changed hands, opened and closed its second floor, welcomed famed musical acts, and played host to politicians, date nights, breakups, and birthdays. But it still feels like home (and has a note in the National Trust for Historic Preservation) at 601 Pennsylvania Ave., S.E.
Its wood-paneled, Victorian-inspired art-filled décor in the downstairs dining room and bar serves American pub fare for lunch and dinner daily, with brunch on weekends (and a dog-friendly patio). Upstairs, Mr. Henry’s hosts live jazz performances and special events most nights, continuing a musical tradition that has defined the venue for decades. That upstairs bar has played host to names like Roberta Flack and Woody Allen.
Musician Kevin Cordt said that, “Mr. Henry’s has been a part of my life for more than 30 years. I started as a customer, then became a bartender and server, and now I have the good fortune to play trumpet at one of the best live music venues in Washington, D.C.”
Aaron Myers, executive director of the D.C. Commission on the Arts and Humanities, is also a supporter. “Not many cities can sport venues that have consistently served the community in the space of culture for more than 50 years, let alone can brag as the birthplace of culture defining talent.”
From the start, Yaffe promoted a rare yet celebrated combination of locals’ bar and soulful nightlife venue. Mr. Henry’s has attracted a diverse crowd at a time when such spaces were – and perhaps still are – uncommon, a diversity that is credited with helping protect the pub during the 1968 D.C. riots.
Longtime customer Evelyn Branic said, “Mr. Henry’s has been my ‘Cheers’ hangout since my wife and I moved to the Hill in 1987. I’ve experienced many iconic moments meeting politicians, reporters, civic activists, and neighbors engaging in spirited conversations. Whether political, LGBTQ, historians, neighbors, or out-of-towners, everyone could find a special place to be greeted as a friend.”
Its welcoming tables come dabbed with a bit of tea: In 1971, in a moment that has since become part of Capitol Hill lore, Yaffe lost the pub in a poker game to Larry Quillian. The Quillian family, recognizing the special role Mr. Henry’s played in the neighborhood, took over ownership, and committed to preserving its spirit. Today, Larry’s daughter Mary owns the bar, having given it a bit of a facelift for the bar’s 50th birthday, bringing in new tables and some fresh menu items.
For example, the menu has some of those dishes that regulars would riot if they disappeared. The Reuben and the hamburgers, the chili and in-house roasted turkey have never departed the menu. Dishes do evolve, says Quillen: they added wings about two decades ago.
In 2026, the restaurant is hosting monthly ticketed “decades” parties, celebrating each of the 10-year periods the restaurant’s been open, plus there were specials in June for Pride. The official 60th anniversary gala takes place Aug. 29, featuring performers, beverages, timeless favorite foods, swag – and the unveiling of a new cocktail.
Inclusive, eccentric, eclectic, Mr. Henry’s is looking forward to maintaining its centrality to diverse crowds in Capitol Hill. Battling inflation, rising menu prices, changing tastes, and thin margins, Quillian says that Mr. Henry’s has — and will always be — “a caring community for so many different folks. And THAT is why I am committed to keeping us going. Society needs places like Mr. Henry’s, now more than ever.”
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