Connect with us

a&e features

Don’t label Maria Bello

Actress-turned-author explores power and pain of typecasting

Published

on

Maria Bello, gay news, Washington Blade
Maria Bello, gay news, Washington Blade

Maria Bello says a 2013 illness that sidelined her gave her time to rethink the rigid way society categorizes love, sexuality and relationships, labels she says never fit her own life. (Photo by Amanda Demme; courtesy Dey Street Books)

Maria Bello

 

In conversation with Daniel Jones (New York Times)

 

Sixth & I Historic Synagogue

 

600 I St. N.W.

 

$17 (ticket

 

$30 (ticket and book)

 

$38 (two tickets, one book)

 

sixthandi.org

 

Actress Maria Bello spent the summer of 2013 in bed ill with a parasitic illness she contracted while doing relief work in Haiti.

Turning to the roughly 150 journals she’s been keeping since age 10, the actress, best known for her roles in the films “Payback,” “Coyote Ugly” and “A History of Violence” as well as the TV hit “ER,” found herself pondering all sorts of questions from all facets of her life from work, family, romantic relationships and more.

She eventually distilled her personal discoveries into the new book “Whatever … Love is Love: Questioning the Labels We Give Ourselves.” On Monday night she’ll be in Washington at the Sixth & I Synagogue to discuss the book with Daniel Jones of the New York Times, which published her essay “Coming Out as a Modern Family,” in which she discussed her current relationship with partner Clare Munn.

We talked with her Tuesday — the day of the Supreme Court marriage arguments — by phone to find out why she has such a thorny relationship with labels. Her comments have been slightly edited for length.

MARIA BELLO: How are you?

WASHINGTON BLADE: We’re good. It’s a big day in Washington!

BELLO: I know! I’ve been watching all day and tweeting about it. I’m so excited and the whole community must be.

BLADE: Yes, it feels momentous.

BELLO: It is. We’re on the verge and the tide is changing and it’s very exciting.

BLADE: It sounds like you had an epiphany of sorts when you began your relationship with Clare. Prior to that, had you had much involvement or investment in LGBT issues?

BELLO: Yes, always, even when I was going to a Catholic university. I’ve always been involved in LGBT rights because they have always been a huge force in human rights in general and it’s a human right to be able to marry who you love and love who you love. I was very inspired by Marsha P. Johnson, a famous African-American transgender, flamboyant, really beautiful woman when I used to live on Christopher Street. She threw the first shot glass at Stonewall.

BLADE: Did you journal continuously or in spurts over the years?

BELLO: Pretty consistently. I started at 10 but only have them going back to age 13. The first one I have is a green notebook with little hearts drawn all over it. The challenge with my journals was trying to choose the material to go into the book and what I realized more and more was that I wasn’t just taking a walk down memory lane, I was uncovering all these pieces and I had so many questions about the girl I was, the woman I had become, about my family, you know, myself, my religion, my sexuality and as I started asking more questions, I heard from so many more people that they were asking similar questions. I had no idea it would become part of a larger conversation. I always journalized pretty consistently. I can’t imagine I ever went more than three months or so without writing. Sometimes they were just gratitude lists I made because I was so miserable.

BLADE: What big picture started to emerge from reading them?

BELLO: Relationships are fluid, partnerships are fluid, life is fluid and the more you accept that, which is sometimes a very hard thing to accept, you become more mindful. It doesn’t mean you’re happy all the time. Sometimes it’s just being where you’re at. Sometimes you could be miserable and mindful and I have to allow myself space to have those days and sometimes those weeks where, you know, you’re sad, angry confused. But my mom always told me unless you hit the bottom, you’re not able to push yourself back up. I always loved that.

BLADE: How do you differentiate between happiness, joy and containment?

BELLO: It’s kind of what I just answered. More coming from my preferred self, my most authentic self. When I can do that and be in the moment, I am more curious and happier when I have an understanding of that and, you know, connect to my higher power. Call it God, call it whatever you like. For me, it’s that connection that brings me joy. And also watching my son play soccer. He’s going to Ireland this summer to play in like the world cup of kids’ soccer. He’s freaking awesome.

BLADE: How old is Jackson?

BELLO: He’s 14. He was 12 when he said those amazing words (that became the book title).

BLADE: How long were you ill?

BELLO: A few months. Actually when I was quite sick and recovering and frail, I think your body has a way of telling you when it’s time to take a break or take a breath. It was a real transforming time in my life. I looked around my bedside and saw who was there — my mom, my brother and Jack and Jack’s dad and Clare and many of my friends. I’m so proud to have so much love in my life.

BLADE: Are you healthy now?

BELLO: I am. … Except for the smoking thing, which I’m working on again. It’s my vice.

BLADE: You say nobody should feel judged or afraid because of a label. We use labels all the time to decide where to put things in a grocery store, to decide what genre a film or book is, to say if someone is a blond or brunette even when there are so many variations of different things. Why have the labels associated with sexuality gotten such a bad rap?

BELLO: Because it’s not just about sexual orientation, it’s about partnerships and family and how traditional labels, you know, seem to put people in these tidy little boxes and those traditional labels don’t seem to be working anymore. In the end, I always feel like call me whatever you want, I’ll label myself practically anything to advance human rights and that feels good for me, but I see these poor kids ashamed and being blamed for their sexuality or having partnerships that are different. … It’s important to claim the labels that make you feel your authentic self.

BLADE: When you see the studies about how monogamous people really are and how many stay married their entire lives, it does make you question whether these societal expectations are realistic.

BELLO: In one of my chapters I write about having an affair and talk about this very issue. It’s said that more than 50 percent of married people have admitted having affairs. Men, women, conservative, liberal, across the board. And yet we just don’t talk about it. We seem to just wave our finger and say, “OK, you’re a bad guy or bad girl if you had an affair,” but what we should really be talking is the question of why this is happening and the complications of sexuality. What does it mean. … There has to be a reason these people in long-term, committed relationships go outside the relationship for something besides partnership.

BLADE: True, but don’t we need some sort of compartmentalization system in the world for such matters if only to make sense of all the thousands of people we encounter? Wouldn’t things get too overwhelming if we shunned labels altogether?

BELLO: Oh yes, we need some. My point is that only use the ones you are proud of and make you feel part of a community. Identifying a movie or a person by the way they look, that’s really simplistic. What we’re talking about are bigger issues. Facebook added 51 new gender options last year. I’m at least 15 of them. I think our lexicon needs to expand to include all of those.

BLADE: You write about growing up Roman Catholic. Do you have any relationship with the church today?

BELLO: I’m so excited about the new pope, with his openness and his attention to what really matters, which is love and (addressing) poverty and peace. … I’m happy to be part of this movement that’s happening in the church, even in the church I go to in Santa Monica, more of an acceptance and getting back to real values and what it’s all about, which is love.

BLADE: Has it been hard to take the good and leave the dogma you don’t agree with behind?

BELLO: It’s getting easier and easier as I get older because I’m doing that with everything in my life. I guess part of it is being middle aged and menopausal, but I’m excited about the question and I hope the book will help people question their own labels and look at the ones that empower them and get rid of the ones that disempower them.

BLADE: You were so good with Viggo Mortensen in “History of Violence.” What is he like as a fellow actor?

BELLO: Oh my god, such an incredibly authentic and funny man. You would never think the funny part, but he’s hysterical.

Advertisement
FUND LGBTQ JOURNALISM
SIGN UP FOR E-BLAST

a&e features

D.C.’s most eligible queer singles

It’s not too late to find a date for Valentine’s Day

Published

on

Each year, the Blade seeks our readers’ help in identifying the most eligible local queer singles. Here is this year’s list.

(Washington Blade photos by Michael Key)


Hallie O’Rourke, 26, non-profit management, lesbian

What are you looking for in a mate? I’m looking for someone who is kind, loyal, intelligent, funny, and who shares my interests while also introducing me to new things. I’m looking for a long term partner who can make me laugh every day and who inspires me to be a better version of myself.

Biggest turn off: Flaky and indecisive people.

Biggest turn on: (Over) communication, taking initiative, making plans.

Hobbies: I enjoy reading and am always in search of the next great book. I also adore arts and crafts and collage frequently. I love experimenting with new mediums and exploring different art forms.

What is your biggest goal for 2025? My biggest goal is to be more outgoing and comfortable introducing myself to strangers. I’d love to go on more solo trips and meet new people around the world.

Pets, kids, or neither? Neither at the moment, but I am looking to get a cat in the near future.

Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? No, I’d like to be with someone who shares my core political values and beliefs.

Celebrity crush? Ruby Cruz

Name one obscure fact about yourself? I’m a huge fan of “The Room” (AKA the worst movie of the 21st century) and have met two of the cast members, including the infamous Tommy Wiseau.


Danielle Pasekoff, 25, Democratic strategist and community organizer, lesbian/she/her

What are you looking for in a mate? A genuine partnership! A hopeless romantic, good listener, always down for an adventure and perpetually optimistic.

Biggest turn off: Poor communication, dishonesty, apathy, loud chewing 

Biggest turn on: NJGs (Nice Jewish Girls) 

Hobbies: Watching reality TV, running, singing in the shower, going to concerts, game nights with friends, shopping, running a community group for queer women and trans folks! Check out DC Gay Girls Plus! 

What is your biggest goal for 2025? Finally make a dent in my ever-growing TBR book stack. 

Pets, kids, or neither? Neither but ultimately want both. 

Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? Not in 2025!

Celebrity crush? Caitlin Clark

Name one obscure fact about yourself? I have six tattoos


Mauricio Pita, 39, actor/producer, gay

What are you looking for in a mate? Confidence, authenticity, creativity, resiliency, kindness, humor, and attraction. The rest we can figure out. 

Biggest turn off: Shame 

Biggest turn on:  A well-executed wink.

Hobbies: I love stories (movies, theater, books, poetry, gaming, music, writing, etc.) both as a receiver and a giver, dancing like no one (or everyone) is watching, and exploring new spaces. 

What is your biggest goal for 2025? To see more of my family. 

Pets, kids, or neither? I have the most chill Chihuahua, I’m open to all. 

Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? It all depends, but we must agree on freedom. 

Celebrity crush? Right now, Drew Starkey from “Queer”

Name one obscure fact about yourself? My other career choices were Paleontology and Computer Science.


Portia McDaniels, 39, attorney, lesbian

What are you looking for in a mate? A thoughtful, kind monogamist woman to share life’s adventures. Willingness to laugh at my bad jokes is a plus. Find me on instagram @esqmasc 

Biggest turn off: Bad hygiene, rudeness especially to people in customer service, lateness without any warning

Biggest turn on: Effective communication, good sense of humor, loves fitness and staying active, a great signature scent 

Hobbies: Weightlifting, reading everything I’ve bought on Audible, trying new cocktail bars. During good weather, I enjoy kayaking and hiking. Soon to be: improving my Spanish and relearning Mandarin. 

What is your biggest goal for 2025? Hitting some new PRs in the gym, and being consistent with the gentle art (Brazilian jiu jitsu) 

Pets, kids, or neither? Neither right now, but I definitely want kids. Former dog mom who would love another pooch. Not opposed to cats, but they make me sneezy. 

Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? It depends 

Celebrity crush? Janelle Monae, Zaynah Bear

Name one obscure fact about yourself? I was on NPR in college


Lily Kardell, 32, garden center manager, queer/lesbian/she/her

What are you looking for in a mate? A kind, confident soul who thrives on both independence and deep emotional connection. They’re creative and a great communicator. Their love languages are physical touch, words of affirmation, and quality time. 

Biggest turn off: Mean-spiritedness and arrogance. 

Biggest turn on: Empathy, passion, and a great sense of humor

Hobbies: I play weekly in a pool league (go Troublemakers!). I also enjoy kayaking, paddleboarding, and cycling in the summer. Ice skating, reading, fiber arts, and crafting are a few of my other favorite pastimes. 

What is your biggest goal for 2025? I’m starting the next chapter of my career and I’m determined to make it the best one yet! I also want to finish one of my many work in progress craft projects!  

Pets, kids, or neither? I’m all about that cool gay aunt life, but prefer to live as a pet and plant mom! I have an adorable, orange cat named Willow. She’s a rambunctious, little rescue and I love her like a daughter. 

Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? In DC?!? No! Free Palestine, Black Lives Matter, trans rights are human rights!

Celebrity crush? This is such a fun question and was somehow the hardest for me to answer. I’d have to go with Sandra Oh, Niecey Nash, and weirdly even Jeff Goldblum!

Name one obscure fact about yourself? At age 11, I won first place in the Greater Washington Soap Box Derby Race (like the large ones that you can actually sit in). We raced down Constitution Avenue and finished right next to the Capitol.


David Draper, 32, early talent acquisition recruiter, gay

What are you looking for in a mate?  I’m looking for someone who knows what he wants and is looking for someone who also knows what he wants. I’d love to find a person who works on himself and is constantly striving to improve and be the best version of himself he can be (mentally, physically, emotionally). As someone who really enjoys “downtime” and alone time I’m looking for someone who I can be around and just “be” and enjoy each other’s company. I enjoy nights out, but I have no problem calling it early-ish (like 12:30AM) and wouldn’t mind a person who likes to go out, but is also fine with leaving the bar/party early to go home and enjoy some downtime and hangout in a more peaceful environment.

Biggest turn off: My biggest turn off is assuming someone is feeling another way when they told you they were feeling one way (i.e. “Are you upset?” “No I’m not upset.” “Well you see upset.”). Another big turn off is “one upping.” This applies to both positive things as well as negative things. And when people lack empathy.

Biggest turn on: My biggest non-physical turn on is emotional intelligence, a sense of humor/quick wit, and an appreciation of sarcasm. 

Hobbies: I’m a certified Bravoholic and consider watching The Real Housewives a hobby. I also have a Peloton bike and enjoy running, so staying active is important to me. I also attend a lot of concerts and Broadway shows, so my Ticketmaster app always has at least 2-3 tickets for upcoming events at various concert venues in and around D.C. 

What is your biggest goal for 2025? My biggest goal for 2025 is to continue prioritizing my physical, mental, and emotional health. Toward the end of 2024, I started a journey to develop better habits around working out, eating, drinking, and sleeping. This year, I’m looking forward to maintaining and building on these healthier habits. A big milestone for me will be running my first marathon at the 2025 Chicago Marathon this fall. 

Pets, kids, or neither? I’m a proud Cat Dad to Linus and Louie. 

Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? Typically no. By no means would I expect to agree with everything, but would we need to agree on the fundamentals especially on social issues. 

Celebrity crush? Some combination of Chris Mazdzer, Jonathan Bailey, and/or Patrick (from Schitt’s Creek)

Name one obscure fact about yourself? When I was 5, I refused to re-wear pairs of socks and “demanded” to my mom that I have a new pair every day… that didn’t last. I guess you could say I was “particular.”


Finn Vigeland, 32, transportation planner, gay

What are you looking for in a mate? In no particular order: a guy who fits right in with my friends and family, whose intellect and hobbies charm me, who’s professionally motivated and loves what he does, who wants to travel with me, and who makes me laugh. 

Biggest turn off: Laziness/unprofessionalism, being uninterested in new adventures, disrespect to waitstaff, over dependence on cars 

Biggest turn on: Good dancer, takes the bus, is smart but loves a stupid joke, becomes friends with my friends in his own right 

Hobbies: Biking, board games, dance parties with friends, hosting Survivor watch parties, kickball, nerding out about transit, constructing crossword puzzles for the New York Times 

What is your biggest goal for 2025? tbh, find a boyfriend! 

Pets, kids, or neither? Neither currently, open to both 

Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? Political views are a reflection of our values. If we aren’t aligned on values, we’re not a match. 

Celebrity crush? Jonathan Bailey but for at least the last 10 years! I’ve been on the bandwagon!

Name one obscure fact about yourself? In college I often gave celebrities and their kids campus tours. The coolest was Rob Lowe, the most random was a Korean R&B legend who brought a camera crew; I wound up on Korean TV in a reality series about her life.


SC Nealy, 35, mental health therapist, author, business owner, queer/gender fluid

What are you looking for in a mate? Emotional intelligence, strong communication, loyalty, honesty, and a whole lot of humor 

Biggest turn off: Cannot stand the smell of weed or cigarettes. It’s just not for me to be around! 

Biggest turn on: Gentleness, passion, thoughtfulness, and quiet strength 

Hobbies: I crochet little toy animals for friends and children, and I love to write. I also love socializing with my friends and being in community. 

What is your biggest goal for 2025? Continue to expand my business LGBT+ Counseling Collaborative and bring accessible, queer-celebratory mental health services to the DMV area. 

Pets, kids, or neither? I have two young daughters, and a dog and a cat. I accept people’s lives as they are and whatever comes with them. 

Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? No, I would not. My political views are based in human dignity and equality. If that’s not something you can agree with or if money comes before people, I have no interest in exposing myself to your viewpoints.

Celebrity crush? Ruby Rose

Name one obscure fact about yourself? I won the 2024 Humanitarian of the Year Award from the Virginia Counselors Association.


Logan Dulski, 25, graphic designer, non-binary pansexual

What are you looking for in a mate? I’m looking for someone who’s kind, funny, and more than a little nerdy — someone who can commit to the bit. Bonus points if they have a solid karaoke go-to and appreciate the magic of a well-organized notion board. 

Biggest turn off: All the basic turn-offs like being rude to waitstaff or poor hygiene, but throw in being overly nonchalant. 

Biggest turn on: Someone witty, considerate, and knows what they want 

Hobbies: Playing Dungeons & Dragons (or any other ttrpgs), crochet, ballet, reading, playing video games, and tarot 

What is your biggest goal for 2025? My biggest goal for 2025 is to get my tarot deck, the Community & Connection Pocket Tarot, fully funded and printed by the end of the year. 

Pets, kids, or neither? Yes to pets. Hard no to kids. 

Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? Absolutely not, especially if their views coincide with whether or not I should have basic human rights. 

Celebrity crush? Rhea Ripley, Pedro Pascal, and all of the band Sleep Token

Name one obscure fact about yourself? I took over 9 years of Mandarin lessons as a kid and still don’t know a lick of Mandarin.


Tristan Gess, 26, consultant, gay

What are you looking for in a mate? I’m looking for someone who’s ambitious and passionate about what they do—someone who’s always chasing their goals and excited about what’s next. I love going to workout classes, trying new coffee spots, and traveling, so it’d be great to have someone who’s up for all of that too. And most importantly, I need someone who can handle a little friendly teasing but isn’t afraid to give it back. 

Biggest turn off: A big turn-off for me is when someone doesn’t take care of themselves or prioritize good hygiene. It’s not about being perfect, but I’m really drawn to people who put effort into their well-being and take pride in feeling their best. 

Biggest turn on: My biggest turn-on is someone who’s confident but also charismatic. There’s something really attractive about a person who knows their worth, carries themselves well, and can effortlessly connect with people. Confidence without arrogance and a natural charm go a long way. 

Hobbies: My hobbies include going to Barry’s and Solidcore, spending time with my family at the lake, and staying up to date with energy and sustainability initiatives around the world. I love a good workout, quality time with the people who matter most, and keeping up with ways to make a positive impact on the planet. 

What is your biggest goal for 2025? My goal for 2025 is to be more mindful and present in every moment. I want to trust the process, knowing that just because one door closes doesn’t mean another isn’t opening. It’s about staying grounded, making bold choices with confidence, and being open to whatever opportunities come my way. 

Pets, kids, or neither? Neither 

Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? I feel pretty grounded and educated in my own political views, and while I’m always open to hearing new perspectives and having thoughtful discussions, I do think there’s a fine line when it comes to politics. Healthy conversations are great, but at a certain point, fundamental differences can become a deal breaker. 

Celebrity crush? Jonathan Bailey

Name one obscure fact about yourself? I fell off the lower deck of a cruise ship in Turkey once!


Sisi Reid, 32, actor/dancer/theater artist/educator, Black Queer Sensual Femme, Pansexual 

What are you looking for in a mate? Compassionate and thoughtful, playful, affectionate, practices wellness (physical, spiritual, emotional, mental), loves travel, values growth and self accountability, loves traveling together, open to navigating travel and distance in our relationship (I travel for work and solo travel), a willingness to co-design a committed relationship that is non escalator/unique to us, and values peace of mind and peace in home. 

Biggest turn off: Mean/unkind, unwillingness to listen/learn something new/be curious, lack of follow up with actions, and arrogance 

Biggest turn on:  Joy/your own sense of what nourishes your joy and practices you enjoy in your alone time, whole body listening, remembering and reflecting back to me (in your own way) things I do/say, someone who has dreams and goals for themselves

Hobbies: Dancing, being in nature, traveling locally and internationally, watching tv/movies, coloring/sketching, and exploring local arts events, festivals, museums. 

What is your biggest goal for 2025? To center my physical wellness, so my mind has more peace and to make and perform my solo dance performances on international stages. 

Pets, kids, or neither? Neither 

Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? Yes, but if the views aren’t rooted in Black liberation, in justice, and a radical reimagining of these current systems, nah I don’t want that. 

Celebrity crush? Rutina Wesley

Name one obscure fact about yourself? My spirituality is nature, magical, kinky, and fueled by my imagination.

Continue Reading

a&e features

Valentine’s gifts for the queers you love

Fragrances, X-rated sweet treats, candles, and more

Published

on

Put a little love in your heart. That’s what Jackie DeShannon encouraged with her 1969 hit song of the same name, and it’s never been more appropriate than in the context of our current state of affairs. Mute the vitriol this Valentine’s Day and concentrate on what really matters – those you love and who love you back. 

Gucci Guilty Love Edition

Sniffies? You’ll put the site on hold after a whiff of Gucci Guilty Love Edition on the nape of his neck – featuring captivating notes of juniper oil, orange flower absolute and aphrodisiatic Ambrofix – which one review claims to “make your brain sparkle like a fine Champagne.” Cheers to that. $25-$133, FragranceNet.com

Hunky Burning Love Pillow

Sweet dreams are on the docket when you rest your head on the Hunky Burning Love faux-suede square pillow printed with illustrations of shirtless himbos pining for your affection. An exercise in fantasy more than reality, but it beats sitting alone at a bar getting no attention at all. $30, ThePillowTopShop.com

Love Deck

What’s in the cards for your love life in 2025? Fuck around and find out with astrologist Lisa Stardust’s 70-card Love Deck, a tarot set of short spells, meditations and rituals designed to conjure enough love, passion, clarity and confidence to make Potion No. 9 jealous. $13, Amazon.com 

‘Making the Case for Equality’

We’ll continue to fight the good fight over the next four years and beyond – perhaps harder than ever – and Lambda Legal’s “Making the Case for Equality,” a detailed half-century history of our hard-won judicial victories, is a solid reminder of how far we’ve come in the war for LGBTQ+ rights. $45, Amazon.com

Lola Blankets

Schedule an at-home streaming marathon of this year’s Best Picture noms before the big night – there’s a lot to love in 2024’s Oscar picks – and the coziest way to settle in is all snuggled up in the squishiest Lola blankets, reminiscent of the adorable ripples of the cutest Shar Pei. Pick up a couple for the cuddle puddle. $109-$299, LolaBlankets.com

Asa Akira x Cake Life Cookies

Cue the collaboration you didn’t see coming: Adult film star Asa Akira teams up with award-winning trans-owned bakery Cake Life Bake Shop for its sweet-and-spicy Conversation Heart Sugar Cookies, featuring Akira’s XXX-tra special curated box decorated with NFSW phrases like “Cowgirl,” “Cream Pie,” and the ever-subtle “Anal” – that are sure to leave mouths agog at your Gaylentine’s get-together. $19-$21, CakeLifeBakeShop.square.site

Mind Games Candles

Since the late 1990s, the Backstreet Boys have implored us to quit playin’ games with our lovers’ hearts, which is probably why we play mind games instead – and now they come in luxury scents like Jasmine Milk, Tobacco Tonka Bean and Cherry Sandalwood, so you can enjoy mood lighting with your gaslighting. $135, MindGamesFragrance.com

Delysia Chocolates

Inspired by Greek Goddess-of-Love Aphrodite, Delysia Chocolatier’s 16-piece, limited-edition truffle collection includes four each of symbolic Passion (almond-honey-fig), Adoration (raspberry-rose petal-hibiscus), Unity (pomegranate-strawberry), and Love (spiced wine-berry) bite-size chocolates rich enough for savoring and abundant enough for sharing. $60, Delysia.com

DIY Whiskey Hot Sauce

Variety is the spice of life in Thoughtfully Gourmet’s Whiskey-Infused DIY Hot Sauce Kit that combines your favorite cereal spirit with high-quality global ingredients, like Mexican hot peppers, to create sophisticated flavor experiences of varying Scoville heat levels, handsomely housed in fancy decanters. Recipe book, spices and seasonings included; alcohol and antacids are not. $20, Amazon.com

Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBTQ lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets around the world. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyroxtravels.

Continue Reading

a&e features

Boomer Banks brings beats to MAL Weekend

From porn to the DJ booth, ’I’m the happiest I’ve ever been’

Published

on

Boomer Banks (Photo by Greg Endries)

If you enjoy gay adult films, there is a high likelihood you have seen or at least heard of Boomer Banks. His tattoos, muscles, masculine presence, and thick mustache have made him one of the most recognizable — and awarded — Latinx gay adult performers in the industry. This weekend, Banks heads to the nation’s capital to partake in Mid-Atlantic Leather weekend.

 As D.C. polishes its leather gay apparel for the annual MAL weekend, Banks, alongside a slew of other gay adult performers and leather lovers, is getting ready to make adult content, meet fans, buy some new leather goods, and perform in the name of sexual expression.

This year will be different for Banks compared to his past MAL weekends, though. He will still be go-go dancing as he has in years past, but this year he has a new hat on — headlining DJ. The Blade sat down with the 44-year-old performer to discuss his sex work career, the changing industry, and his passion for DJing.

On Friday night, Banks is one of three headlining DJs for the main dance event of the night, UNCUT XL. He explained that his love for music has always been there, but since the death of his best friend, with whom he connected on a shared love of music, his sets mean more than ever to him now. 

“I loved music for my whole life,” Banks told the Blade when asked about how he got started in music. “My proximity to legendary New York DJs has always been there. I lost my best friend and brother over two years ago, and it just caused a lot of changes [for me]. We both loved music so much … I was talking to one of my DJ friends [about this connection to music], and they were talking to me, and all of a sudden I’m at their studio, playing around with the controller and all that, and it just happened. Here we are, two years later, and now I’m headlining at MAL with some legendary DJs that I have been a fan of since I was young.”

Banks went on to explain that this connection and newfound passion for DJing is what has made his career shift from studio porn to a solo career easier. He also said the continued support from his house music fans has made him want to work even harder on creating memorable sets.

And create memorable sets he has. Banks has headlined events all across the country over the past two years — from Provincetown to Rehoboth Beach and even headlining Folsom, which is the biggest leather event of the year. He explained that he has one overwhelming emotion —gratitude.

“I’m really grateful that Zach [Renovatés] and everybody at Kinetic and Bunker have really taken a liking to my storytelling through music, because that’s what it is for me,” Banks said. “I like taking people on a journey. It’s usually my journey. But I read the crowd, I read energy, and I’m always smiling, and that’s the only place that I do smile. I feel like people often categorize me as intimidating, and a lot of times that’s what I got in the porn industry. But with DJing, the people are always like, ‘You’re so happy up there. You’re smiling all the time.’ And, yeah, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, and it’s exciting. I love doing it, and I’m grateful and very humbled that people are seeing that this isn’t just a gimmick.”

He went on to explain that this happiness wasn’t always at the base of his work —especially when he was involved with the studio porn system with CockyBoys and Raging Stallion. Various factors, including race, he shared with the Blade, were why it was less than enjoyable at times. But it provided a platform in which he was able to grow and gave him an opportunity to help newcomers in the industry.

“When I got into porn, other brown men were not nice to me; other people of color [were not nice to me]. I thought that it would have been different. So when I was established, I made sure not to do that. I have a few little Banks boys that I nurtured into the industry, and, not to claim them, but it’s just so that they had someone to talk to because I didn’t have that.”

Despite some structural problems within the industry, Banks felt he was able to get what he needed from the career, including a paycheck and a platform.

“Porn did work out for me,” he said. “I was very fucking successful, and I was not white. I did the work, but I just couldn’t keep doing it any more. It wasn’t good for my mental health, and so I knew how to bow out. Who knows? It [studio porn days] might happen again. I don’t know, but I know for today, I love music. It’s my heart. I’m grateful for the platform that sex work gave me because it’s given me a heads up with the music.”

That music has kept him going. More specifically, New York house-style music has kept him going. Banks’s ability to take in the music he loves has made him a stronger DJ, he said. 

“’I’m a New York house DJ,” he said. “That’s the style that I bring. The craziest it gets is like tech house and maybe some early 2000s mid-2000s circuit music. It’s what I grew up with and what I love and what I like to put out there. I’m really grateful that I was not only showing up to these gigs, but I was absorbing the art that is music in a way that it seeped into my pores and my soul, that now I can share how I feel about music, and that’s exciting.”

 He touched on how although many people can be fans of DJ music, it takes more to become a successful DJ.

“The thing about music is you can’t fake music tastes. You can learn all the knobs and the technical parts of DJing, but if you’re not playing good music, and if the room isn’t vibing, it doesn’t matter.”

When asked about the current political climate—seeing as the host hotel for MAL weekend is a mere half mile from the Capitol building—Banks reflected on the importance of weekends like this for the LGBTQ community, which is increasingly facing the backlash of conservative politicians.

 “We are in uncertain times,” he said. “These are the weekends where we’re able to be who we are. And it’s unfortunate that we have to still have these events to express ourselves. Because a lot of these guys, they wait their whole year for this weekend to be able to express themselves. With what’s going on with the world, they’re basically being told that these are the only places they can. I know that in New York we live in a bubble. I know in D.C., we live in a bubble. But I want to show people that are coming from the middle of nowhere that they can have a good time, and even if it is for this weekend, they can rely on us. I want our community to know that I am here for them.”

You can find Boomer Banks headlining Friday’s main dance event UNCUT XL from 10 p.m. to 4 a.m. at REPUBLIQ Hall (2122 24th Pl NE) and go-go dancing during Saturday’s PERVERT XXL party at A.I. Warehouse (530 Penn St., N.E.) from 10 p.m. to 4 a.m. as well as on X @Boomer_Banks and on Instagram @baconlvr.

For more information about MAL events visit leatherweekend.com or kineticpresents.com.

Boomer Banks (Photo by Greg Endries)
Continue Reading
Advertisement
Advertisement

Sign Up for Weekly E-Blast

Follow Us @washblade

Advertisement

Popular