Opinions
Staying connected while on vacation
Grim realities intrude while sailing Atlantic with new friends
When planning my recent vacation, one of the main decisions was whether to disconnect from the Internet or not. My days in Rome and a two-week transatlantic cruise on the Celebrity Silhouette were something I had looked forward to for nearly a year. As a news junkie my decision included whether disconnecting cold turkey would be stressful. It turns out choosing to stay connected was the right thing for me. It also meant that I wouldnāt have to go through 2,000 emails up my arrival home.
It was quickly apparent even had I disconnected plenty of people both in Rome and on-board ship were more than happy to discuss what was going on in the world. MSNBC and FAUX news were available on TV in the room. Neither of which I would watch at home but was drawn to them to find out about the elections in the U.S. and then the horrific ISIS attacks and massacre in Paris. Finding out whether my friends in Paris were OK was paramount. Facebook safe finder is a terrific tool, allowing people who had communicated with friends in Paris to let us all know they were OK.
Whether it was over a meal or at the pool, the world never totally stayed away. Two guys from Houston shared their concerns and disgust over the election results there. My new Australian friends wondered how soon their country would legalize gay marriage. The many foreign members of the crew shared concerns about their families in countries in turmoil and being bombed. My passion for Hillary Clinton was shared by Melinda Bates who lectured a number of times on-board regarding her experiences as head of the White House Visitorās Office during the Clinton presidency. She met Bill at Georgetown, volunteered on his presidential campaign, and ended up spending nearly a decade in the White House. We had lunch and talked about Hillaryās campaign and how she wanted to get involved.
The first seven days of the cruise we stopped at five ports of call. Then there were seven days at sea. While I am great at doing nothing and met the greatest people to do it with, early mornings and late nights, when my friends continued drinking, I could connect, write and share my columns with the Blade and Huffington Post. Then go online to Facebook and see what the world was thinking, share my pictures and make more than a few comments. It was gratifying to see one of my columns tweeted by hundreds and liked by thousands knowing it was written somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
Being one of the oldest in the group of my new on-board friends my recollections on how we communicated before the Internet were sometimes humorous to them. Actually being on-board and meeting face-to-face from morning to night was a reminder of how we used to make friends before apps. There were people on board who take four or five cruises each year. Two new friends from Traverse City, Mich., who I hope to see again have been on 69 cruises and have two booked in 2016 and booked one while we were on-board for January 2017 from Australia to New Zealand. I said I would join them until it hit me that would have me away from D.C. on Jan. 20, 2017, a day on which I hope to be celebrating history with the inauguration of the first woman president of the United States.
I am writing this a day before we dock in Ft. Lauderdale and my flight back to reality. The Paris massacre brought back reality in a major way to all of us and we recognized how fortunate we were to be on this cruise and how our good fortune meant we had to do more for those not so fortunate.
We took group pictures and made commitments to stay in touch with new friends. Had dinner at the Lawn Club, a specialty restaurant on board. We danced to the music at the Martini Bar and strolled the ship in balmy weather. Again, we knew how fortunate we were.
Back in D.C. and readying this column for submission I am listening to President Obama speak from the G-20 meeting and talking about the threats to world peace we all need to deal with. Reality once again takes precedence over vacation.
Peter Rosenstein is a longtime LGBT rights and Democratic Party activist.
Commentary
To West Africa with love
Thoughts on Ghanaian tradition, queerness, and Western imperialism
You may know by now that Ghanaās parliament has just passed one of the harshest laws against its LGBTQ citizens in West Africa. Many advocates, activists, LGBTQ people, and allies are still trying to process why and how this happened.
During this announcement a person Iām closely tied to was in Juaben, Ghana.
They were celebrating the life and passing of their grandmother, who happens to be a Queen Mother (Juabenhemaa) of the Asante Kingdom in Ghana. It was an elaborate two week traditional ceremony with both private and public events and was attended by thousands as well as the whoās who in Ghana including President Nana Akufo Addo himself.
As a history major, a cultural enthusiast and Afro-futurist, I was excited to have first hand accounts with photos and videos of all the ceremonies and to see beautiful Ghanaian royalty and people in their decorated clothes, dress, dance, and tradition. While at the same time supporting my loved one virtually.
About four days into the two week ceremony, my person in Ghana texted me about a male dancer wearing traditional womenās clothes, wearing makeup with a stuffed buttocks. They found it intriguing and was eager to share with me. In this traditional space, it was normalized and the cultural dancer continued to even dance with other men at the ceremony.
They reported to me that some of the young anti-LGBTQ Ghanian Americans at the ceremony were disgusted and confused. One remarked āWhat? Is this ‘Drag Race now?ā as the colorfully dressed person continued to skillfully dance their traditional dance in honor of the Asante Queen Mother.Ā
Four days later the anti-LGBTQ law passed through the parliament of Ghana, devastating LGBTQ Ghanians, advocates, allies, and diaspora.
The bill now awaits the presidentās signature to be enacted.
As I read through the 36-page long document called Promotion of Proper Human Sexual Rights and Ghanaian Family Values Bill of 2021, the basis document for this legislation, it includes repetitive emphasis of resistance to foreign imposition and the maintenance of Ghanaian values, culture, sovereignty, and independence and rejection of homosexuality. The document is a combination of the efforts of various groups including Christian organizations, Muslim organizations, family rights organizations, and the traditional chiefs of Ghana.
I found it interesting that there was but one paragraph that mentioned the importance of protecting the lives of LGBTQ people. Can you guess which one group (Christian organizations, Muslim organizations, Family rights organizations and the traditional chiefs of Ghana) was solely appealing to protect the lives of LGBTQ people in the bill?Ā
The National House of Chiefs, the group most steeped in Ghanaian historical and cultural tradition, made some attempt within the document to shield the lives of LGBTQ people from harm.
Time and time again, advocates have purported that it is indeed the hatred of queer people that is an imposition. Yet they are Christian and family value organizations funded by the right wing organizations that claim to protect local culture and values but instead create divisions that threaten the livelihoods of their Ghanaian queer families.
It begs the question, What is so western about LGBTQ people?
If we are being completely honest, the language, culture and framework is certainly western.
The expression of self was never demonized in many now erased cultures across the world but the idea and framework of queerness today is.
The LGBTQ movement is largely a western movement and culture. From the rainbow flag to its terminology. Today LGBTQ/queer is the language we use universally to describe people whose self and sexual expression is not mainstream.
During colonization, many cultural indigenous traditions were lost including the language we used to identify our family and communities. It was then replaced with Christianity used as a tool to control and restrict ā as it continues to do so today.
Indigenous Native Americans are fortunate to have retained their language and some of their culture. Their language of two-spirit makes room culturally for those Indigenous people we would call queer today.
There are countless examples of cultures within West African traditions and culture that have celebrated and have space and language for their ātwo-spiritā people as described by the Native Americans or their āDagaraā people as described by people from the Ghanaian neighboring country Burkina Faso.
That said, as a result of our erased cultures today, LGBTQ/queer is the language and culture we have globally adopted – obviously to the ire of those who donāt quite understand their own culture.
Regardless of language, culture or foreign imposition, there is no excuse for the hatred, exclusion, and persecution of any group of people ā period.
From Uganda in East Africa, Ghana, West Africa to St. Vincent in the Eastern Caribbean the sentiment remains the same where there seems to be a confusion around cultural identity and the clutching onto an idea of sovereignty in efforts to continue to resist years of colonial oppression, imposition, and trauma.
We havenāt even begun to discuss how Christianity, another colonial tool, has culturally divided us and has our societal progress in a chokehold.
However, as a futurist, it is not helpful to remain in a place of blame, anger and self pity ā it gets us nowhere. This is the hand that we have been dealt and we must work in various ways to build up our businesses and to nurture and grow families, communities, and our people.
And so I offer this piece to the brave advocates across various post colonial landscapes ā draw close to the cultures and identities from whence you came. Activists like Lady Phyll and Alex Kofi Donor have remained entrenched within their cultural tradition signifying that being queer identifying people and being African in identity and culture arenāt mutually exclusive.
We ought to be bold in addressing and working with external groups ā the extremely tough and dangerous part of advocacy ā entering churches, parliaments, universities, and being visible and contributing citizens not only within local queer communities but outside of the silos and enclaves of our safe spaces. That visibility puts a human face and personality to our cause. We must be our own politicians. Building real relationships with folks who we may not always agree with but who we may see eye to eye with on other issues. Start showing up for other marginalized groups besides our own.
And perhaps Iām blinded by the context of the advocacy done in little Barbados, perhaps itās a safer place these days, an easier place to exercise this level of visibility … maybe.
What I do know is that we need to employ thoughtful strategy to our advocacy efforts because it was the strategy of the colonial powers that got us in this situation in the first place.
And it will be our understanding of our own people and the application of strategic thinking that will get us out.
Opinions
10 reminders of why we must vote for Harris
A strong LGBTQ turnout could swing election in key states
There are a million reasons to vote for Kamala Harris over Donald Trump but here are 10 of the best. If youāre not feeling the burn about casting your ballot, please remember just how close our last two elections were and how dire the 2016 consequences for the country. Indeed, a strong turnout by LGBTQ and allied voters could prove decisive in some key states.
So letās review 10 reasons why itās not only important ā but essential ā that all LGBTQ and allied voters show up to vote for Kamala Harris.
#10 The opportunity to make history. For the second time in 16 years, America has the exciting chance to make a historic choice for the White House. Kamala Harris would be the first woman and first woman of color to serve as president if elected. Itās not the #1 reason to vote for her but itās a pretty damn good ancillary benefit.
#9 The chance to send Trump into oblivion. After eight long years of commanding endless mainstream media attention for his ever-expanding list of racist, sexist, xenophobic, and transphobic attacks, we have the chance to finally dispatch ourselves of the toxic Trump. Heās insulted everyone from Gold Star families and the disabled to Meryl Streep and Rosie OāDonnell. That thereās anyone left willing to vote for him is mindboggling. (Iām talking to you Lindsey Graham and Ted Cruz.) Imagine how much our collective blood pressure will ease without having to endure wall-to-wall coverage of his every social media post. āMorning Joeā will be hard pressed to continue without Trump to mock but itās a sacrifice Iām willing to make.
#8 To preserve trans military service. In his first term, Trump tweeted that trans people were barred from serving their country āin any capacity.ā It was a cruel stunt that damaged careers and led to a direct uptick in hate crimes targeting the trans community. Thereās no doubt he would reinstate that ban on day one. Itās ironic that Trump goes after brave members of the military given his own ābone spurā excuse to avoid Vietnam. None of his kids has served either, of course. Trump has referred to dead service members as ālosersā and āsuckers.ā That comment alone ā corroborated by his chief of staff John Kelly ā should be disqualifying.
#7 To continue growing the economy. Iāve never understood all the naysayers who complain about the U.S. economy, which is envied the world over. No other country emerged from COVID as strong as we did, defying all expert predictions of recession ā record stock market numbers, record employment, rapidly declining inflation and interest rates. The Democrats have never been good at messaging and itās frustrating that they allow Trump to talk down our economy at every rally without a coherent response. The truth is our economy is strong and Harrisās plans to tax the wealthiest and invest in small businesses has been endorsed by leading economists over Trumpās ridiculous and doomed idea of starting a trade war with China over tariffs. The LGBTQ community is disproportionally entrepreneurial, so Harrisās tax benefits for small business owners will boost us tremendously.
#6 To aid Ukraine. The Blade has traveled to Poland and other Eastern European countries to cover the plight of LGBTQ migrants fleeing Ukraine after Russiaās invasion. Their stories are heartbreaking. We have an obligation to stand by Ukraine along with Western Europe to stop the murderous Putin and preserve democracy. Trump will cave to Putinās demands that he be allowed to annex large swaths of Ukrainian territory, emboldening the Russian dictator and encouraging further incursions into other neighboring countries.
#5 To stop Project 2025 in its tracks. We have documented the anti-LGBTQ horrors that await us if Project 2025 becomes the governing blueprint for a second Trump administration. The assaults are too many to recap here so just remember these lines from the document: āThe next conservative President must make the institutions of American civil society hard targets for woke culture warriors. This starts with deleting the terms sexual orientation and gender identity, diversity, equity and inclusion, gender, gender equality, gender awareness, gender-sensitiveā¦.out of every federal rule, agency regulation, contracts, grant regulation and piece of legislation that exists.ā
#4 To protect a womanās right to control her body. Predictably, women are now dying as a result of Trumpās abortion bans, as reported by ProPublica. And it will only get worse if Trump is re-elected and his congressional allies push through a national abortion ban as theyāve promised to do. If you think this isnāt about you, consider that Roe v. Wade provided the foundation for the Obergefell marriage ruling, which Justices Alito and Thomas have already said should be revisited.
#3 Supreme Court. Speaking of the high court, there is credible speculation that if Trump wins, Alito and Thomas will be pressured to retire, giving Trump an unprecedented five picks and a MAGA majority. Thatās game over for a generation and the end of Obergefell marriage equality, Lawrence privacy rights, and more.
#2 To preserve and advance LGBTQ equality. The last 20 years have brought unimaginable progress for LGBTQ rights, from marriage equality to the end of āDonāt Ask, Donāt Tellā to Bostockās conferring employment protections to most of us, and so much more. Thereās more to do, especially given the anti-LGBTQ state laws passed around the country giving rise to book bans, bathroom bans, and dangerous anti-trans healthcare restrictions. A Trump presidency jeopardizes all of our recent gains and puts us back on defense. A Harris presidency ensures we continue to move ahead and gives us a chance to undo some of the recent setbacks.
#1 To defend democracy. Trump and J.D. Vance whine a lot about criticism that they are undermining democracy, claiming these accusations are to blame for two recent assassination attempts. For someone who trafficks in violent rhetoric all the time, itās a brazen and hypocritical claim. Thereās an old saying about living by the sword that Trump should Google. But itās not hyperbole to suggest that a Trump presidency would represent the end of democracy. Heās already incited an insurrection after badly losing the 2020 election. Trump and Project 2025 promise to gut the federal government, lock up critics and journalists, allow Putin to do āwhatever the hell he wants,ā privatize critical government functions, ban books and DEI, and even to ban pornography. The list goes on. Yes, itās the end of American democracy if he wins.
But this election isnāt just about rejecting Trump. Itās also about embracing the promise of a Harris administration, which would bolster the economy, respect human rights, fight for equality, combat climate change, fix the border, advance gun reform, and promote many other common sense, centrist policies supported by a majority of Americans.
There you have it, a succinct reminder of whatās at stake on Nov. 5. So vote for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz and send a message that character still matters, that America remains a trusted defender of human rights, and that we wonāt let a dangerous convicted felon anywhere near the Oval Office again.
Kevin Naff is editor of the Washington Blade. Reach him at [email protected].
Commentary
On National Coming Out Day: No more silent compromises
Rejecting half-truths, embracing the whole me, and redefining my worth
Though I’ve never lived “in the closet” over the years, I realized I hadn’t fully stepped out of it in every aspect of life. While I embraced being out, certain moments hindered my personal and professional growth.
Have you ever let someone assume something about your life, like having a wife or girlfriend, because it was easier than correcting them? Perhaps you thought, “I’m not in the closet, so it doesn’t matter.” But looking back, did it matter?
This question lingered in my mind for far too long. We must ask whether our actions reflect who we are or if we’re choosing a more convenient version of ourselves. When someone asked, “Is your girlfriend coming to happy hour?” I wasn’t offended, but I wasn’t being entirely authentic, either.
As a gay man, I found it flattering when people assumed I was straight. Was I accepting it as validation of my masculinity? Perhaps. But over time, I realized that allowing these assumptions to persist wasn’t as harmless as I initially believed.
I’ve been fortunate never to experience the closet. The unwavering support from my family, friends, and colleagues has empowered me to live authentically.
Having a family was, and still is, my guiding light. But by my late 20s, that vision began to fade. By my mid 30s, I saw family life, as a gay man, was a possibility, but I buried myself in building a company. I convinced myself that balancing family and business was unattainable since finding someone with shared values seemed impossible. But was it?
As an entrepreneur, I’ve experienced the highs and lows of building something from scratch, always embracing challenges. Itās easy when you love what you do. Like building a business, personal growth is shaped by what you choose to invest in and what you attract into your life. Despite my successes, something still felt misaligned. What was I doing wrong?
I remember moments like vendors taking us to after-hours bars or strip clubs. I recall one instance at a national expo when a vendor took us to a female strip club. I’ve never enjoyed strip clubs, gay or straight; I’d instead host a dinner party. Early into the night, someone arranged a lap dance for me, and I jokingly asked if she could switch places with the security guy. We both laughed, but here’s the issue: I never told them why I got up and left, only her. At that moment, did I sell myself short? Would it affect our partnership? I wasn’t in the closet but wasn’t entirely out either.
Another moment came in my 30s when I was learning how to navigate dating. A friend suggested I downplay my career to avoid intimidating potential partners. I agreed initially but eventually asked myself: Why should I downplay my accomplishments to make others comfortable? By minimizing my worth, I wasn’t just being inauthentic; I was undervaluing myself and the hard work I put into it. What was I trying to attract into my life?
As my journey continued, I became increasingly aware of what I was inviting into my life. My personal and professional lives were out of alignment. When I opened an office in India, I came out to the local director before signing business documents. Why? Friends and colleagues struggle because their business partners don’t know their authentic selves, and I refused to let this happen. More importantly, I owed being genuine to myself.
Many of us create barriers between our personal and professional lives. While change can be difficult, I needed to align them. We believe we’re not lying because we’re “not in the closet.” But by not fully expressing our authentic selves, we hold ourselves back. For me, dismantling those barriers allowed me to transform what I was attracting into my life, personally and professionally.
Had I not become self-aware, I’d still be stuck in a cycle of inauthenticity, missing out on my full potential. Without changing my mindset, I would have continued letting others’ assumptions define me and limit my growth. I only began breaking free from that cycle by fully embracing my true self.
Even though I’ve never lived in the closet, I still fear what being this open might bring. But that’s precisely why I need to do it. My personal and professional allies have shown unwavering support, standing by me through everything. To those who have supported me on this journey, thank you, it’s now my turn to support others.
Authenticity isn’t just a choice; it’s essential for a fulfilled life. You must ask, you must act, and yes, you will fail and learn along the way, but that’s OK. Every time you act, you move closer to your authentic self. Embrace vulnerability and the discomfort of feeling exposed, it’s then you will begin to reclaim your strength.
To the person on the partner track who’s afraid to bring their partner to a company retreat: bring them! To the young adult worried about being kicked out of the house: seek local support; someone will help you! To the person fearful of losing their job because of who they are: quit! To the person who wants a family, look around; someone shares those values! If someone offers to set you up with a girl or guy, ask if they have a brother or sister, and you might get a date! To those still searching for the right partner, ditch the apps and be present!
I kept my personal life “private” for years because I thought, “I’m not in the closet.” I’m not referring to social media; this is about deep-rooted beliefs that live rent-free in our minds, filtering our responses and decisions. While writing this piece, I mistakenly typed, “I’m not out,” perhaps it wasn’t a mistake; it was a sign. I am grateful those filters expired long ago and are now evicted for living rent-free.
We live in a world where mental health is still stigmatized. Small acts of inauthenticity can cause anxiety that spills into our professional lives. It makes us seem “off” and can lead to missed opportunities. Worst of all, you may feel trapped and remain silent.
It’s time to stop allowing these things to hold us back. We must discuss mental health, authenticity, and their impact on our lives. The journey isn’t about becoming someone new; it’s about shedding what doesn’t define you so you can fully embrace who you’ve always been.
As I continue my journey, I will do so boldly, out loud, and unapologetically. Note to readers: If you’re struggling, want to discuss this topic further, or just need a virtual coffee chat, feel free to reach out via Instagram, @gregorybarretta.Ā
Gregory Barretta is a serial entrepreneur overseeing several companies, committed to mentoring, leading, and empowering others to grow.
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