Connect with us

a&e features

Out classical pianist Hough promotes new essay collection

Practicing, recording, concertizing and more considered in pithy book ‘Rough Ideas’

Published

on

Stephen Hough, gay news, Washington Blade
British concert pianist Stephen Hough has released more than 50 CD recordings in a lengthy career. (Photo by Sim Canetty-Clarke)

Many classical musicians eschew talking about their personal lives. With little public interest in who’s having sex with whom a la Hollywood, pianists, conductors, violinists and the like can often get along without ever having to get into talking about sex or romance. 

The gay British pianist Stephen Hough (pronounced “huff”), however, is not shy about such topics. In his new essay collection “Rough Ideas,” (published Feb. 4 by Farrar, Straus and Giroux in the U.S.) he explores the question of the antiquated phrase, “Is he musical?,” as a euphemism for homosexuality in an age when it was “the love that dare not speak its name.” 

He darts around all sorts of topics in short essays such as “Gay pianists: can you tell?,” “Can atonal music make you cry?,” “Is New Age thinking bad for musicians?,” “Authentically playing Rachmaninoff” and dozens more. 

In 2018, his debut novel “The Final Retreat,” which he says is full of “very raw sexuality,” explored the gay longings of a middle-aged Catholic priest in seclusion. 

All that to say, Hough, 58, is not at all stuffy and balks at no topic. He was slated to be here in mid-April to play a Beethoven piano concerto with the National Symphony Orchestra and present his book at Politics & Prose. That, of course, has been canceled but he was still game to carry on with a previously scheduled Blade interview on March 23. 

Hunkered down at his home in central London where he lives with Dennis, his partner of 18 years, Hough was friendly and loquacious waiting out COVID-19. His comments have been edited for length. 

WASHINGTON BLADE: How are things in London?

STEPHEN HOUGH: Well this is something you couldn’t have imagined really with everything shutting down the way it has. I was in New York with 9-11 and you know, it was an absolute lifesaver for me being together with friends and now, of course, you can’t do that. You can’t seek that human comfort, so that makes ths really very different. … I think when we come back to normality, we will treasure these things so much.

BLADE: How has it been for you?

HOUGH: Well, it’s two-fold. My concert diary for the next few months has been wiped clean. I get on the computer and it’s all gone blank, all the travel that was planned for concerts. There’s one for China, ironically, that’s still on for June, I don’t know whether or not that will still happen. … But there’s a positive side to it too. As a pianist, you spend most of your life alone practicing so that’s been the same. I think I’ve been more calm because I haven’t had to worry about whether this piece is ready, I’ve got to leave for the airport tomorrow … all those concerns are gone, which is really wonderful. Of course it’s only been a week. Maybe ask me again in a month the same question.

BLADE: What’s the mood like in your neighborhood?

HOUGH: Well, it’s never been this quiet even on Christmas morning. There are very few cars around, nobody is on the streets. … It’s something people haven’t felt since the Soviet Russian times and that’s scary. 

BLADE: Do you know anyone who’s succumbed?

HOUGH: No but it’s funny — my partner and I were in Taiwan for Christmas and we came back just before the new year and he thinks he may have had a mild for of it, but that was in early January so we just thought it was the flu.

BLADE: Has your practice had more clarity? Are you more focused?

HOUGH: I think it’s been more concentrated and more joyful. I’ve been practicing some Schubert sonatas and I’ve been overwhelmed by how beautiful the music is. I wouldn’t say in a way that I’ve never felt before, but there’s a purity to it, much like the air in our city. Because there are so few cars around, London feels very fresh and it’s spring. 

BLADE: I would be tempted to get lazy. Have you?

HOUGH: So far it’s been OK. I have some writing deadlines for three compositions that I took last year. At first I was thinking I’d have to kill myself to get them done, but now I can do them without having to worry too much. When I’m on holiday, I find it very easy to do literally nothing all day except just read, eat, sleep, repeat.

BLADE: How do you generally know how much to agree to professionally?

HOUGH: It’s very difficult to know if yo’ve got that right. I’m very careful about not dong things at the last minute. When you’re 21, 22 and just starting ot, you say yes to everything because you never know who will ask again. But you come to a point where you take stock a bit and realize you need enough time to prepare a piece. Not just to be able to play it from memory, but truly inhabit it, like an actor with a role in a play. 

BLADE: What feedback have you heard so far on “Rough Ideas”?

HOUGH: We’ve had some very nice responses from both people who are musicians and people who have no knowledge of music at all, so it’s very gratifying when that comes back. … This is a book you can give your grandmother, unlike my novel, which was quite different and came out the year before about a priest who’s being blackmailed by a male prostitute. 

BLADE: Wow, sounds scandalous.

HOUGH: It’s very scandalous. …. My partner said, “You can’t publish this under your name,” but I said, “No, I’m going to own this book.” It was a topic I’d been wanting to explore — how do you continue to bring comfort to people if you’re a priest and you’ve completely lost your faith?

BLADE: Are you still a practicing Catholic?

HOUGH: I go to Mass but I don’t take communion. I just don’t feel I’m part of it enough to feel good about that, but it’s still a very central part of my life. The teachings — it’s not just about the rich and powerful, but also the widow and the orphan — there’s a wisdom there that very much makes sense to me. 

BLADE: How musically sophisticated are Catholics today vs. historically?

HOUGH: I think it’s a very small number. We think about Catholic culture being so great but it was only in the big cathedrals where you might have a Mozart or a Palestrina. In the small parish churches, the music has never been that particularly distinguished. I think the Anglican church has had more of a musical life. There are lots of great cultural things in Catholicism but they were not always very spread out. 

BLADE: How did you wind up being a British Catholic?

HOUGH: I converted when I was about 18. I’d grown up in a more evangelical background but I got very bored with those services. … I went to a Mass and there was something about it that appealed to me very deeply. I even explored becoming a priest a few times although I don’t think they’d take me anymore. 

BLADE: Whom do you see as the audience for “Rough Ideas”?

HOUGH: Well I hope everyone really, but certainly everyone who has any interest in music and the piano. There’s a lot of stuff in there I think will be helpful and interesting to piano students. 

BLADE: Did your views evolve at all as you got them down on paper?

HOUGH: Yes, but I can’t remember now which ones that would be true of. One of the longest essay in there, which was published in a different form in another book of gay essays is about what it means to be Catholic and gay. … I think that one forced me to think though some tough issues.

BLADE: Why, as you touch on in the book, are young people in Asia so much more into classical concerts than elsewhere?

HOUGH: I think it must have to do with parents with the encouragement that kids get at home. Sometimes even being forced into lessons. I think it’s linked to why Asian kids so often do so well at school and university. It’s that support they have. You to to Korea or Taiwan or China and half the audience is under the age of 25. It’s incredible and wonderful. I have a couple of students at Juiliard and it’s interesting to see the lists of the people who get through and the people who don’t. I would say we’re talking 70-80 percent Asian. There’s something very touching about these countries where 200 years ago you wouldn’t have heard a note of Beethoven when he was writing, now they’re playing Beethoven better than the cultures in which it was written.

BLADE: Do you feel things are being dumbed down in the West overall?

HOUGH: Well yes, I think it’s happening everywhere … but I think there’s room for all kinds of music. I’m very uncomfortable with snobbishness in classical music.

BLADE: Yes, but it feels like it’s encroaching on space previously inhabited by the classical arts. You never just see a classical pianist on the Grammy Awards like you used to. If you do, they put Lang Lang with Metallica for some ridiculous stunt casting novelty thing. The Kennedy Center Honors will have one token honoree each year from the fine arts and the rest have become these middling, ’70s popular acts. Doesn’t stuff like this bother you? Again, not saying there’s anything wrong with the popular acts, but they’re encroaching on serious artists. 

HOUGH: Well yes, it would be nice if these organizations would support and encourage the classical arts a bit more. I think the Grammys could do more to put some focus on the classical categories without losing anything of what they are.

BLADE: What do you think of the classical crossover acts?

HOUGH: Well, some are better than others.

BLADE: But what does it say about us that the public has such a voracious appetite for this junk while the serious acts will sell just a fraction of what they sell?

HOUGH: I think when you’re a kid, you need to be encouraged and hsown the way a bit and that’s something that’s happening less today in education. We have to find a way to educate people and bring them into this world and let them know this is great music worth making the effort for. On one hand, it doesn’t bother me. I’ve got friends who have no interest in music just as I have no interest in sports. We shouldn’t make people do things or suggest there’s anything wrong with them. … But it’s OK to entice people a bit to enjoy, say, a fine wine when they’ve been drinking something that’s really cheap and nasty. Some of it is about changing the palate. Some of that happens as we mature. Your tastes are usually different at 40 than they were at 20 but we typically need a bit of encouragement for things that are more difficult and classical music can sometimes be difficult. You might have to sit there for an hour vs. listening to a three-minute pop song.

Stephen Hough eschews snobbishness in classical music. (Photo by Sim Canetty-Clarke)
Advertisement
FUND LGBTQ JOURNALISM
SIGN UP FOR E-BLAST

a&e features

The mastery of love

The world knows Eric Anderson as Billy Porter’s partner, but in Rehoboth Beach, he has a story entirely his own

Published

on

Eric Anderson and Billy Porter met at a Christmas party and ended up talking until the sun came up. (Photo courtesy of Eric Anderson)

The world knows Eric Anderson as Billy Porter’s partner. In Rehoboth Beach, Del., he has a life — and a story — entirely his own.

My first time with Eric Anderson was hot — very hot. Before he arrived, I sat waiting, overthinking everything. When he finally appeared in a loose-fitting T-shirt and purple shorts, I understood why he attracts attention. Eric is the kind of man who changes the energy of a room simply by entering it.

After a quick hello, we got right to it. Techno pulsed through the room as Eric told me how to move, where to place my hands, when to breathe. My heart pounded. My muscles ached. I bent, twisted, and stretched while sweat ran down my back and burned my eyes. I didn’t bother wiping it away.

To be clear, Eric and I were not alone. Five other people were with us — and the yoga studio at SoulFire Collective in Rehoboth Beach was heated to 87 degrees.

“If you are always racing toward the next moment, what happens to the one you’re in?” Eric asked, opening his power yoga class and inviting us to leave whatever had followed us through the door and surrender to the present. Surrender did not come easily. At 58, I’ve done enough yoga to know the difference between discomfort and imminent death. Halfway through Eric’s relentless flow, the distinction began to blur.

A playlist of techno and remixed pop — including “Live Like You Were Dying” — carried us from one demanding pose to the next. Eric moved among the mats with the energy of a nightclub DJ and the calm of someone who trusted our bodies to go further than our minds believed possible. Nearly an hour later, when the music softened and I collapsed onto my back in savasana, he laid a cool cloth across my forehead. I exhaled — relieved, and maybe a little disappointed, that my first time with Eric was over.

At the end of my mat, a handwritten note congratulated me on my first class and invited me back — a small benediction after the storm. Then Eric closed the class by repeating the question with which he’d opened. For a man whose relationship with actor and singer Billy Porter has drawn him unexpectedly into the public eye, it sounded less like a yoga mantra than a personal creed.

The next time I meet Eric, there is air conditioning and caffeine. We are at Starbucks, where I deliberately order the largest drinks available, as though volume alone might buy me more time. He chooses a matcha, and I order herbal tea. My heart is pounding again, faster than the soft rock drifting from the speakers above us. Although I’ve already spent more than an hour with Eric, I know almost nothing about the man I’m about to interview.

Neither, it seems, does anyone else.

Celebrity outlets offer a handful of biographical details: a Rehoboth Beach teacher and yoga instructor with a master’s degree from Columbia University. Gay publications have been less restrained. One introduced him as Billy Porter’s “total hot stud,” called him “a snacc,” and praised his ability to “rock a Speedo.” Queerty distilled Eric’s identity to five words: “Porter is dating a teacher.”

All of it tells me how the world sees him. None of it tells me who he is.

I know from our text exchanges that Eric is slammed for time. He is scheduled to travel to New York later that day and fly to WorldPride Amsterdam the following afternoon. Billy is among the headliners for the opening-night Unity Concert and is also slated to perform at the Wedding Party XXL alongside KI/KI, Bimini, and the Vengaboys. Eric still has to pack. This, I’m beginning to understand, is part of loving someone famous: there is almost always an itinerary, another city, and a specific time and place Billy needs to be. Even here, with two untouched drinks between us, the clock is ticking.

Eric Anderson (Photo courtesy of Eric Anderson)

As soon as we sit down, I open my laptop, ready to get to work. My mind is focused on the list of questions I’ve prepared, and I’ve already anticipated the shape of most of his responses. Then I look up and see Eric sitting perfectly still, smiling, and taking in the moment. He hasn’t even taken a sip of his matcha yet.

I quietly close my laptop and breathe.

Within minutes, the interview softens into a conversation.

Eric earned a bachelor’s degree in history from the University of Delaware and a master’s in public school leadership from Teachers College, Columbia University. He began his career teaching mathematics before moving into school administration, eventually serving as vice president of the Charter School of Wilmington and head of school at Sussex Academy. Today, he teaches mathematics and social studies in the Cape Henlopen School District. He also coaches soccer and leads yoga classes at SoulFire Collective in Rehoboth Beach.

His return to the classroom was deliberate. Eric knows some people assumed there must be a story behind his leaving administration—that he had done something wrong or that teaching represented a demotion.

“I want to make it clear that I went back to teaching by choice,” he says.

As a child, Eric played school. Teaching has always felt natural to him, less like an occupation than an expression of who he is. Administration was different.

“It felt like work,” he says. “It wasn’t where my passion was, and it didn’t bring me joy. Going back into the classroom was simply me choosing joy.”

The more Eric talks, the clearer it becomes that teaching is not merely a job but a vocation. His mother is white and his father is Black, and growing up biracial was not always easy. “I saw the best and the worst of both,” he tells me. Those experiences helped shape his desire to become a teacher — to be the kind of person who could make a meaningful difference in a young person’s life.

Just then, Eric glances over his shoulder and locks eyes with someone across the room. He waves and flashes what is quickly becoming his signature smile. My first thought is that someone has recognized him as Billy Porter’s partner.

I’m wrong. It’s one of his former students.

Inevitably, our conversation turns to love — and to Billy. I’ve made it clear that I’m here to write about Eric, not Billy Porter. But separating the two entirely would be as artificial as defining Eric only by their relationship. Billy is now an essential part of his story.

Eric met Billy at a Christmas party hosted by mutual friends who had been trying to introduce them all night. It wasn’t easy — the party was crowded, and the two men never quite crossed paths. Eric stayed for the afterparty, where a friend nudged him and nodded toward the room: Billy was looking his way. Romance never crossed his mind.

Eventually, they started talking. Eric has never had much patience for small talk, and he wasn’t interested in cataloging which celebrities Billy knew. He skipped it entirely and went straight for the deeper questions — what Billy believed, how he saw the world, what mattered to him. They ended up at the kitchen table, trading life philosophies until 5 a.m.

What struck Eric most wasn’t the conversation’s length. It was its depth. Billy wasn’t who he expected. Neither was the conversation. By the time the sun was coming up, Eric was less surprised that they’d talked all night than by how much, it turned out, they had in common.

They had dinner the following evening, and Billy invited Eric to spend the weekend with him in New York. There, Billy took him to see Nicole Scherzinger in “Sunset Boulevard.” Right before the show started, he casually introduced Eric to a friend named Katy. Back in their seats, Eric asked how Billy knew her.

“BITCH,” Billy replied, “that is Miss K-A-T-Y P-E-R-R-Y!”

For all the glamour surrounding their courtship, Eric describes the foundation of their relationship in decidedly spiritual terms. His favorite book is don Miguel Ruiz’s The Mastery of Love, which explores how fear, expectation, and the need for approval can distort relationships. Its philosophy closely resembles Eric’s own.

On the surface, Eric and Billy inhabit different worlds. Eric is a deeply spiritual teacher rooted in a small coastal Delaware town. Billy is a celebrated actor and performer whose larger-than-life persona commands stages around the world. But when I ask Eric how the relationship works, he doesn’t hesitate.

“I know that I can be my authentic self with him, and he can be his with me,” he says. “We love each other unconditionally.”

The words could sound rehearsed. Coming from Eric, they don’t.

The red carpets, famous faces, and international travel are not what matter most.

“It’s all about the people,” he explains. “I love Billy’s family and friends, and he loves mine.”

Authenticity surfaces repeatedly in our conversation — not as an abstract ideal, but as Eric’s determination to trust what feels right for him, even when other people may not understand it. I tell him about growing up in Pittsburgh and spending much of my life trying to fit the person I was into the person the world expected me to be. Eric listens intently, then pauses before responding.

“Fuck the system.”

It is blunt, funny, and entirely consistent with the man sitting across from me. Dating Billy may have dramatically increased the number of strangers who have opinions about Eric, but it hasn’t increased the number whose opinions matter to him. He is remarkably unconcerned with what people he doesn’t know think — or say — about him. The attention is new. His response to it is not.

For Eric, authenticity isn’t about asking the world for permission to be yourself. It’s about deciding that permission was never the world’s to give.

That instinct—to look inward rather than outward for permission — predates Billy.

Eric initially turned to yoga for a practical reason: he wanted to improve his physical performance on the soccer field. It didn’t take long for him to realize that something else was happening. Yoga was strengthening his body, but it was also grounding him.

Over time, the physical practice became inseparable from the mental one. The poses, the heat, even the strength required to hold his body in place became less important than learning how to quiet the noise around him, stay present, and listen to himself. The man who had pushed me through an hour of sweat and discomfort wasn’t simply teaching people how to move their bodies. He was asking them to practice something he had learned to do himself.

That sense of being grounded has become particularly important in a relationship that often requires two people to live very different lives. Eric is quick to point out that he and Billy have separate careers, separate ambitions, and goals entirely their own. Neither expects the other to abandon an individual life simply because they have chosen to build a relationship together.

When Billy left for London to star in “Cabaret,” distance became part of their routine. They FaceTimed every day, a practice they continue whenever they are apart.

“I tell Billy everything,” Eric says.

Being authentic with Billy doesn’t require the two men to become more alike. If anything, the opposite seems true. They are comfortable following their own career paths, living separate lives when circumstances require it, and giving each other the freedom to pursue what matters individually. Then they come back together — not because either has put his own life on hold, but because they have chosen to share those lives with each other.

When we finally look at the time, nearly 90 minutes have passed. Eric still needs to pack. New York is waiting, Amsterdam after that, and somewhere there is undoubtedly an itinerary telling Billy exactly where he needs to be and when.

But for a while, neither of us was racing toward the next moment.

We were fully inside the one we were in.

Continue Reading

a&e features

What ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’ can still teach us

Producer David Collins on lasting impact of hit series

Published

on

David Collins (Photo courtesy of Collins)

It’s hard to imagine where LGBTQ+ television would be without “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” the trailblazing reality series that premiered in 2003. 

Each episode of this Emmy-winning show saw a group of gays converge on a struggling man — the titular straight guy — and offer nonstop wit while organizing his endlessly messy life. This program about a group of homosexual helpers took the world by storm, furthering the love of gay television begun by shows like “Will and Grace” but bringing it into the growing medium of reality TV. Of course, it wasn’t perfect; “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” often cast its experts less as multi-faceted queer folks and more as sources of early 2000s gay jokes. But despite these pitfalls, it’s undeniable that the original program explored the realities of being gay in a way audiences had never seen before. It was a monumental piece of LGBTQ+ representation, and its success is largely owed to the man who fought to get this show made: producer David Collins. 

Collins spoke with the Blade from his Los Angeles home, where he’s spent the past few years living with his husband and his two daughters. David spoke fondly of his many years in the industry, detailing how it feels to be such a huge part of LGBTQ+ history. He explained, however, that he didn’t initially set out to alter how queer people were seen on television. “I never went out to make gay television,” said the producer. “I went out to tell great stories.”

“I’m a hillbilly from Ohio, and I thought I was going to be an editor,” David laughed, looking back on his career. “I interned at the Cincinnati Film Office, and I showed up to work my very first day, and the film commissioner was like, ‘Get to the airport right now and pick [someone] up. Don’t talk to them.’ Well, I ended up picking up Jodie Foster.” Collins raved about this car ride that changed his life, with the pair becoming friends and Foster pushing him to become a producer who puts their own media out into the world. Eventually, he did just that, and after learning about the wild new genre that was reality TV, he pitched a series to Bravo: “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.” 

“I was obsessed with Esquire magazine, and they had five categories: fashion, grooming, interior design, culture, food, and wine. So I gave them each a gay, and the Fab Five were born!” Collins said, describing how viewers quickly fell in love with the concept and earned the program four seasons and an Emmy for Outstanding Reality Program. He spoke about how proud he felt creating a show that centered real gay people, not characters in a story, remembering, “To stand in the middle of Times Square and look up and see this massive billboard with the original Queer Eye guys…it wasn’t even a dream come true, because it wasn’t a dream I had even fathomed.”

With his series, people were watching actual gay men and learning the realities of a queer culture that had always been portrayed as a danger to society. Collins tearfully recounted hearing about queer people using the show as a way to connect with their family, saying, “What I’m most proud of that’s come out of Queer Eye [are] the conversations that that series has allowed to have people around their kitchen tables with little boys in Ohio like me who were scared to death that they were going to burn in hell because their pastor was telling them that they were a sinner.”

Now, for all of its trailblazing, the program wasn’t wholly positive; the show’s focus on the central ‘straight guy’ meant it rarely delved into the lives of its Fab Five. Collins regretted that lack of depth but understood that earlier audiences weren’t accustomed to such a nuanced look into queerness — that would have to wait for the reboot. 

When “Queer Eye” came out in 2018, audiences were introduced to not only a new Fab Five, but a whole new format (that didn’t rely on a straight person). Now, the series would assist queer folks and allies alike, spotlighting these individuals as well as the queer experts helping them improve their lives. The show has been applauded for its amazing makeovers, but where it truly stands out is its representation, offering a look into individuals across the country and the struggles — along with the immense joys — of being queer in America today.

Fans were disappointed to hear that “Queer Eye” would be ending after its 10th season, but David stressed that they wouldn’t have to be sad for long. “What I will say to you is this: hang tight,” he teased. “There’s yet another version of ‘Queer Eye’ to come, and we’re working on that now.” In the meantime, Collins is continuing his work with new shows like the “House of Stassi,” a series centered on “Vanderpump Rules’”prolific waitress. He’s excited about these new projects, but emphasized that his heart will always belong to “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” and all that it continues to do for viewers 19 years after its finale. 

“It’s not about your new outfit or your new couch or your new whatever. It’s about your humanity,” said Collins, speaking about the core lesson he hopes people take away from the Queer Eye franchise. “It’s about seeing yourself. It’s about dignity. It’s about how confidence breeds success.”

A valuable message that queer folks can benefit from even more now than they did in 2003. And, while it’s unclear just what lies ahead for this franchise, one thing is for sure: “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” helped people everywhere understand the power that exists within our queerness. It’s a truth that has impacted countless pieces of LGBTQ+ television today, and it’s one that Collins promises to keep alive through whatever hit show he creates next. 

Continue Reading

a&e features

Jason DePuy on coping with homophobia in ‘Big Brother’ house

First drag queen contestant on CBS show fought to stay positive

Published

on

Jason DePuy on Big Brother (Photo courtesy of CBS Broadcasting,Inc.)

One week after Jason DePuy (known as Salina EsTitties on “RuPaul’s Drag Race”) was bullied and eventually evicted from CBS’s “Big Brother” house, the queer drag performer is still emotionally processing his feelings.

During his 24 days in the reality TV competition, DePuy often had a rough time, with fellow cast member Kamuela “Kamu” Kirk making homophobic comments and feeling isolated.

In a conversation with Head of Household Rick Devens, Kirk left viewers upset when he said, “Bro, miss me with the drag stuff. Miss me. I’m still an MMA guy, and I have an image to uphold.”

Former “Big Brother” contestant Frankie Grande called his words  ‘homophobic’ and ‘gross.’ Another comment, where Kirk said he wanted to end DePuy’s career, also received strong backlash online.

Now that he is out of the house, DePuy has been shocked and deeply touched by the love from “Big Brother” fans and former contestants. We chatted with DePuy for this Blade exclusive.

“To know that my community was rallying for me outside the house was the most wonderful thing. Seeing how much people were just wanting to shower me with love was incredible. Even my friends, I went to say hi and give them a hug, and they’re like, ‘Uh, uh, come here.’ They had to hold me and let me know America was feeling for me in a way that I had no idea.”

He added: “To see that reality was just overwhelming, and I couldn’t ask for more.”

Known as a messy player in the house, DePuy often had to fight to stay positive and stand up for himself. 

“No one was coming to my rescue. In real life, it’s easy to block people, but in the house, I didn’t have that luxury, so I had to find it within myself to learn how to speak up for myself in a way that wasn’t nasty or biting. I didn’t attack anyone personally, which is what I was the most proud of.”

DePuy acknowledged he has had a history of putting his foot in his mouth when it came to certain “Drag Race”moments, being in the public eye, and making a fool of himself. “I’ve learned my lessons; to see how I handled myself in the ‘Big Brother’ house was amazing.” 

While DePuy has been sober for 14 and a half years and has a strong spiritual foundation, in the Big Brother house, he often felt like he couldn’t communicate what he was feeling. 

“As a queer person, a person of color, a drag queen, I have to be very careful about how I move. I don’t have the luxury or privilege to just act a certain way or say a certain thing. I have to be very careful; I’m representing me. But who I am is a Latino, a person of recovery, a drag queen, a queer person in the community. I know that there’s a lot of pressure that comes with that. I felt it was safer for me to sit there and just breathe than try to do anything crazy.”

He continued: “I couldn’t speak to the personal attack that was happening in the house, because in my mind I was like, ‘no, this is a game, and I have to play it, put that aside.’”

Not only can viewers watch the episodes, but they can also watch the live feeds of what’s happening. Seeing the fans’ social media posts from people who had watched the episodes and the live feeds also contributed to DePuy realizing that his feelings of discomfort were valid.

“To know that I wasn’t delusional in those moments, that others could see what was happening, has been a lot to take in. Fans and friends let me know the comments made went beyond the game…I’m like, ‘Oh, so my instincts were correct.”

One of the most poignant moments on the live feeds occurred when DePuy was crying, alone in his room, and said how he missed his gay community.

“I really missed my friends. I missed my queer community. We’re so colorful. We’re so loud. We’re so vibrant. We speak off the cuff, and we’re very truthful and honest with how we speak, and it’s fun. We have fun lingo.”

DePuy had to censor his expressions in the house. “Because I can say one thing, but it can mean something different to straight people than it does with my queer brothers and sisters. So, there was a sense of code-switching that I had to do. I had to even put aside some of my queerness in a way sometimes to fit in.”

DePuy was thrilled to be the very first drag queen to ever be cast on the show. 

“I’m honored to have been chosen. There’s a million drag queens out there, and to know that I was a contender to come in the house and not even be in drag was like a wow for me. I’m over here in Hollywood, running around these streets with a wig and heels just to make a dollar to survive, and I have to rely on drag to do that. And then to be offered this opportunity and be given the privilege to say, ‘hey, you don’t have to put on the wig for you to be valuable here,’ is just insane to me.”

Prior to his shows, DePuy has been hustling for 15 years, flipping burgers and doing drag at night.

“That has been my life these past since I was 17. So it’s been a long journey; the opportunity to do this out of drag is a very big blessing. I’m honored and grateful to be the representation of my community.”

If you missed Jason on “Big Brother: Unlocked,” the episode can be seen on CBS.com. He will be back on the show for the finale.

Continue Reading

Popular