Arts & Entertainment
Local gay couple proceeds with wedding plans despite lockdown
Family and friends gather virtually to celebrate same-sex nuptials
When Harry met Brian in 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court had just legalized same-sex marriage in all 50 states. Five years later around their kitchen table they agreed they were going to be damned if a pandemic stopped them from exercising that right.
“I played a lot of weddings,” says D. Brian Lee, a 58-year-old musician and definitely the feistier of the two, having been out since he was a teen. “I felt so down on the institution because it was never going to be me, but now we’ve won.”
“It was most important to us for people to honor and witness our wedding,” says Harry Fox, a 62-year-old health care administrator who had been married previously to a woman for 20 years. He had to overcome his own internalized homophobia to find strength and happiness.
On Saturday, April 25 Lee and Fox held their wedding virtually and became one of many couples around the world who didn’t let COVID-19-induced stay-at-home orders lockdown their love.
Internationally, the Singapore parliament is even considering a bill to further legalize virtual marriages during the crisis, according to The Straits Times.
In the U.S., virtual weddings via YouTube, Zoom and other conferencing platforms are becoming so prevalent that The Wedding Spot blog gives a detailed how-to for planning one.
NPR also reports New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D) signed an executive order on April 18 that allows clerks to perform wedding ceremonies via video conferencing platforms and for couples to get their marriage licenses remotely. And a quick Twitter search of the #ZoomWedding hashtag will find other creative couples taking advantage of similar marriage expansions in their areas.
Aaron Tax of SAGE, an LGBTQ senior advocacy organization, is not surprised that many choose the legal protections of marriage during a health crisis.
“Marriage may provide psychological benefits and more tangible benefits like economic security and certain legal rights to couples,” he says. “There really is no shorthand for saying ‘my wife’ or ‘my husband’ when an emergency arises and you want to explain the nature of your relationship.”
Fox agrees. When he was separated from his wife and had begun dating Lee, she became stricken with cancer. He admitted when he went to the hospital with their son, now 23, to visit her there was a certain legitimacy and “straight privilege” that made things easier for them during a difficult time.
“I think there’s a tremendous difference in the eyes of the world between a married couple and those who are living together,” Fox says. “And it plays out in the hospital room. There are significant rights in this culture that marriage confers and (Brian and I) want to be there for each other without anyone questioning that we have a right to be there.”
Lee also remembers seeing “unmarried partners being locked out of hospital rooms” of dying loved ones during the height of the HIV/AIDS crisis in the 1980s. He recalled this as a dark time filled with “some very inhumane treatment,” and this moved him to respect the institution of marriage.
That’s why he insisted that Fox divorce his wife before moving in with him.
“That was a trying and difficult time,” Fox says. “It was important for me to help my wife, but Brian was clear that I needed to be divorced before we moved in together.”
Fox’s wife eventually died, though she did get a chance to meet Lee before she died. The two of them had a quiet conversation while Fox made dinner in the other room. Later they moved together into the rented house they enjoy now in Potomac, Md., and their traditions of kitchen table conversations began.
“We meet every morning and every evening at this table to talk,” Fox says. “When you think about being with someone for the rest of your life, if it’s not fun to talk to the other person, you shouldn’t be with them.”
Lee was more impassioned in his agreement.
“I don’t want to have to pry the book open with a partner,” he says. “But with Harry, it’s very easy.”
However, it wasn’t so easy in the beginning as Fox was still struggling with his sexuality. Unlike Lee, he came out in his 50s and there were a few conditioned beliefs he had to lay to rest.
“In the beginning of our relationship, there was my own internalized homophobia,” Fox says. Sure, he had been married before, but that was in a traditional Jewish ceremony. “Did I see myself married to another man? Do I see myself kissing another man in public?”
As a musician, Lee calls Fox’s anxieties a form of “stage fright” which he still sees in his partner time and again.
“There have been times when I feel that if Harry is feeling a little anxious about something, I’ll say, ‘Ah, he’ll get through it.’ It just takes time and talking.”
And talking is something they’ve done plenty of over the years. As the two of them continued to date and their bond grew, Fox came out to more family and friends.
“But I felt I needed to come out at work,” he says. “Since work was such a large part of my life, in order to feel like an integrated human being and to get rid of the internal compartments I had maintained throughout my adult life.”
This was a difficult decision for him since at the time Fox was the chief information officer for a large health care insurance provider and responsible for over 2,500 employees. And from a legal standpoint, the U.S. Supreme Court is still weighing whether or not it is unconstitutional for employers to fire workers based on sexual orientation or gender identity.
Still, he knew then that he wanted Lee to be a part of his life. All of it.
“After I came out at work, I took Brian as my date to a dinner event with work colleagues,” Fox says, still sounding a little surprised that everything worked out so well. “I was also invited to join the board of Whitman-Walker Health.”
Fox says coming out fully swept away a lot of his remaining internalized homophobia and became a “very powerful life-changing experience.”
Fox and Lee felt their shared experiences together strengthened their resolve to get married, not just as an act of social justice but because they loved one another and were growing together. Then COVID-19 hit.
It was time for another discussion around the kitchen table.
“We talked about cancelling the physical wedding, but it took such a long road to get here,” Fox says. “In the real world the restrictions will ease up slowly, and there probably wouldn’t be another time to get people to fly in until later next year.”
Both he and Lee had already lost older family members and feared more wouldn’t last long enough to see them married. Lee added that when you hit your middle years, you just don’t know how much time older family members have left. Finally, they decided, “there will never be a perfect time … let’s just do it.”
“And I know people in our social circles love our parties,” Lee says. “And this was going to be the ultimate party.”
Fox and Lee have IT backgrounds and were familiar with the technology needed to pull off a virtual wedding. They decided to live-stream the ceremony on YouTube and hold the virtual receiving line via Zoom while sending out wedding cupcakes to family and friends.
“We did a butt-load of tests,” Lee says. “We had a dry run to make sure everyone could connect and with sound. I set up YouTube lives before at my other job. I still kept praying the internet keeps working.”
They had gotten their marriage license prior to the pandemic and its social distancing restrictions and business closures. They looked into Maryland marriage laws and found a confusing passage they reasoned meant the officiant needed to be physically “in the county in which” the marriage license is issued.
So their officiant, Hanna Nielsen-Jones, arranged for another officiant to marry them an hour before their virtual wedding, in their driveway — and six feet away.
The ceremony was posted on YouTube which used multiple layers of technology, to include the Nielsen-Jones officiating via video to the couple who then projected themselves via video for their guests to view. The virtual receiving line followed where family and friends expressed their warm wishes via Zoom and toasts were shared.
“I liked it all. With all of the things we were afraid could go wrong, nothing went wrong,” Fox says. “My son spoke and it was really lovely.”
“Most of the people dressed up like they were going to a real wedding,” Lee says. “And it looked fabulous. We drank a lot of champaign on this end also.”
Despite all of the fear and the obstacles, the newlyweds said it was worth it to be creative and have their wedding rather than cancel it. Right now their “honeymoon” consists of their nightly walk through their diverse neighborhood as their permitted lockdown activity. They agree it feels a little different with the rings on their fingers though they don’t advertise their new status with their neighbors.
But Lee holds out hope for a two-week trip to Spain.
“We hope to get our butts back to Barcelona,” he says, though he knows it probably wouldn’t be this summer.
Bars & Parties
Impulse Group DC to host fundraiser
Giving Tuesday and Happy Hour held at Thurst Lounge
Impulse Group DC, a local advocacy organization, will host “Giving Tuesday and Happy Hour” on Tuesday, Dec. 2 at 6 p.m. at Thurst Lounge.
This event is a special happy hour fundraiser filled with good vibes, great food, and community connection. DJ Obie will be on deck keeping the energy high while you enjoy tacos, cocktails, and the kind of atmosphere only Thurst can deliver.
A portion of every signature cocktail sold goes directly toward supporting Impulse Group D.C.’s work in sexual health, mental health, harm reduction, and social justice for the D.C. community.
Admission is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.
Friday, November 28
“Center Aging Friday Tea Time” will be at 12 p.m. in person at the DC Center for the LGBT Community’s new location at 1827 Wiltberger St., N.W. To RSVP, visit the DC Center’s website or email [email protected].
Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Community Happy Hour” at 7 p.m. at Dupont Italian Kitchen Bar. This event is ideal for making new friends, professional networking, idea-sharing, and community building. This event is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.
Saturday, November 29
Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Community Brunch” at 12 p.m. at Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant. This fun weekly event brings the DMV area LGBTQ+ community, including allies, together for delicious food and conversation. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.
Sunday, November 30
Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Coffee and Conversation” at 12 p.m. at As You Are. Guests are encouraged to come and enjoy stimulating conversation. For more details, visit Eventbrite.
Monday, December 1
“Center Aging: Monday Coffee Klatch” will be at 10 a.m. on Zoom. This is a social hour for older LGBTQ adults. Guests are encouraged to bring a beverage of choice. For more information, contact Adam ([email protected]).
“Soulfully Queer: LGBTQ+ Emotional Health and Spirituality Drop-In” will be at 3 p.m. at the DC Center for the LGBT Community. This group will meet weekly for eight weeks, providing a series of drop-in sessions designed to offer a safe, welcoming space for open and respectful conversation. Each session invites participants to explore themes of spirituality, identity, and belonging at their own pace, whether they attend regularly or drop in occasionally. For more details visit the DC Center’s website.
Tuesday, December 2
Universal Pride Meeting will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This group seeks to support, educate, empower, and create change for people with disabilities. Email [email protected] with any questions.
Friends of Dorothy Cafe will host “Choose Our Blend” at 6 p.m. at Stardust Vintage & Gift. Guests are encouraged to come sip, sample, and vote on a lineup of custom coffee blends from Rustic Route Coffee Co., a DMV-based queer-owned roaster. Guests’ votes will help Rustic Route choose the café’s official signature roast. Event organizers will take donations, and more details are available on Eventbrite.
Wednesday, December 3
Job Club will be at 6 p.m. on Zoom. This is a weekly job support program to help job entrants and seekers, including the long-term unemployed, improve self-confidence, motivation, resilience and productivity for effective job searches and networking — allowing participants to move away from being merely “applicants” toward being “candidates.” For more information, email [email protected] or visit www.thedccenter.org/careers.
Center Aging Women’s Social Discussion Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This group is a place where older LGBTQ women can meet and socialize with one another. There will be discussion, activities, and a chance for guests to share what they want future events to include. For more details, email [email protected].
Thursday, December 4
The DC Center’s Fresh Produce Program will be held all day at the DC Center for the LGBT Community. People will be informed on Wednesday at 5 p.m. if they are picked to receive a produce box. No proof of residency or income is required. For more information, email [email protected] or call 202-682-2245.
Virtual Yoga Class will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a free weekly class focusing on yoga, breathwork, and meditation. For more details, visit the DC Center for the LGBT Community’s website.
API Queer Support Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a support group for the Asian and Pacific Islander Queer Community. For more details, email [email protected].
Theater
D.C. theater scene has something for everyone this holiday season
‘Nutcracker,’ ‘A Christmas Carol,’ and much more
With its familiar music, yuletide imagery, and storytelling, theater can be a big part of the holidays. Add to that making memories and theater tickets wrapped as presents under the tree, and it’s a seasonal no brainer.
Folger Theatre presents “Resplendent Joy: Christmas Traditions from Spain and Portugal” (Dec. 5-14); the marvelous Folger Consort will perform early Spanish Christmas carols and traditional holiday music from early modern Spain and Portugal: folger.edu/resplendent
At Round House Theatre, playwright Sam Holcroft’s “Rules for Living” (Dec. 3-Jan. 4) makes its U.S. premiere. The darkly funny holiday comedy was a hit in London and is now hoping to repeat that success with a version tailored for the states. The seven-person cast includes versatile actors Naomi Jacobson and real-life spouse John Lescault. Ryan Rillette directs. roundhousetheatre.org
Theatre J presents “Chanukah in the Dark” (Dec. 6-21), an hour-long play ideal for ages five and up. “When the lights go out during Chanukah, Max and family begin sharing songs, stories, and traditions — only to discover the lights they needed and the miracles they searched for were in their midst all along.” edcjcc.org
The Cathedral Choral Society’s “Joy of Christmas” (Dec. 13-14) presents a wonderful program of carols and beloved holiday favorites at the festively decorated National Cathedral. The program features Seraph Brass, organist Edward Hewes, Carillonneur Edward M. Nassor, percussionist Mary La Blanc of “The President’s Own” U.S. Marine Band, and the Eastern Concert Choir from Eastern Senior High School. Cathedralchoralsociety.org
With “The Holiday Show,” (Dec. 13, 14, and 20), the Gay Men’s Chorus returns to entertain audiences with its annual and most popular show.
This year the holiday extravaganza is bigger than ever at historic Lincoln Theatre with new, soulful arrangements of favorite holiday carols: “The reindeer will be high-kicking and the snowflakes will sparkle. Songs include “O Holy Night,” “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer,” “Let It Snow,” “We Wish You the Merriest,” and “Go Tell It on the Mountain.’” gmcw.org
At Olney’s intimate Mulitz-Gudelsky Theatre Lab, out actor Michael Russotto is back for the holiday season in his solo show “Christmas Carol: A Ghost Story of Christmas” (through Dec. 28). The talented Russotto portrays nearly 50 different characters from the Charles Dickens classic, that proves “funnier and far more relevant than you might imagine.” Olneytheatre.org
Also on holiday offer in the DMV are a jolly bunch of musical chestnuts as well as reliable Christmas crowd-pleasers.
Included on the roster is Olney Theatre’s production of Jerry Herman’s “Hello, Dolly!” (through Jan. 4) starring the mega-talented Nova Y. Payton. Based on the play “The Matchmaker” by famed gay playwright Thornton Wilder, the musical has proved a vehicle for many a diva including Carol Channing, Pearl Bailey, Bette Midler, and Barbra Streisand. Now Payton dons the mantle and the buzz is good.
Another beloved musical is “Fiddler on the Roof” (through Jan. 25), the story of Tevye, a poor Jewish milkman, his family and their tight-knit community who honor tradition while contending with pogroms in Czarist Russia. Currently being performed intimately in the round at Signature Theatre in Arlington and directed by Joe Calarco, the large cast features actors Douglas Sills, Chrisopher Bloch, and terrific out actor Jake Loewenthal as the poor tailor Motel Kamzoil, all singing Broadway favorites like “Sunrise, Sunset” “If I Were a Rich Man” and “Matchmaker.” sigtheatre.org
At Shakespeare Theatre Company’s Harman Hall is Frank Loesser’s “Guys and Dolls” (through Jan. 4). Based on tales from famed American journalist Damon Runyon, the show focuses on two overlapping love stories set in Depression-era Times Square. The terrific score includes songs like “Luck Be a Lady,” “Sit Down, You’re Rockin’ the Boat,” “A Bushel and a Peck,” and more songs you’ll know. Directed by Francesca Zambello and choreographed by Joshua Bergasse.
The cast includes Julie Benko, Lamont Brown, and Holly Twyford as General Matilda B. Cartwright, which is reason enough to buy a ticket. shakespearetheatre.org
And for hardcore traditionalists there’s the Washington Ballet’s “The Nutcracker” (through Dec. 29) with its balletic magic at the charming gilded Warner Theatre. The beloved production of Tchaikovsky’s ballet, here set in 1882 Georgetown, features a retinue of agile partiers, children, soldiers, rats, and notable figures from American history. washingtonballet.org
And last but hardly least, historic Ford’s Theatre presents “A Christmas Carol” (through Dec. 31), an enduring Washington tradition since I was youngish. Conceived by Michael Baron, this charming Dickens’ moneymaker again spotlights Craig Wallace as miserly Ebenezer Scrooge who after a night of ghostly visits, rediscovers Christmas joy. Fords.org
Comings & Goings
Impulse Group DC to host fundraiser
Calendar: November 28-December 4
D.C., Va., Md. to commemorate World AIDS Day
D.C. theater scene has something for everyone this holiday season
Bowser announces she will not seek fourth term as mayor
Pentagon moves to break with Boy Scouts over LGBTQ and gender inclusion
Pattie Gonia calls out Hegseth’s anti-LGBTQ policies — while doing better pull-ups
Second gay candidate announces run for Ward 1 D.C. Council seat
Second ‘lavender scare’ is harming our veterans. We know how to fix it
-
District of Columbia3 days agoBowser announces she will not seek fourth term as mayor
-
U.S. Military/Pentagon3 days ago
Pentagon moves to break with Boy Scouts over LGBTQ and gender inclusion
-
Drag4 days ago
Pattie Gonia calls out Hegseth’s anti-LGBTQ policies — while doing better pull-ups
-
District of Columbia4 days ago
Second gay candidate announces run for Ward 1 D.C. Council seat
