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Perez Hilton seeks forgiveness

New biography chronicles shift from gossip to fatherhood

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TMI, gay news, Washington Blade
(Image courtesy of Chicago Review Press)

ā€˜TMI: My Life in Scandalā€™
By Perez Hilton
c.2020, Chicago Review Press
$26.99/229 pages

You’re allowed to change your mind.

You grow, get a few experiences under your belt, and things might look a bit different. You can have a change of heart then, and pivot your life in a different direction. You can take do-overs and take-backs, but carefully. And as in the new book “TMI” by Perez Hilton (with Leif Eriksson and Martin Svensson), you can ask for forgiveness, too.

If you knew Mario Armando Lavandiera Jr. when he was a child, you’d be surprised at the man he is today. He says he had a good childhood but he was a “different” kid then, and was often bullied: among other indignities, his classmates called him “the Fat Kid” because he loved to eat.

That last part hasn’t changed. What has is that Lavandiera is now thinner, famous, and known by a nicer name: Perez Hilton. And no, if you’re wondering, Paris Hilton “never bothered” to sue him over the lookalike name, “though she definitely could have.”

This transformation didn’t happen overnight.

By the time he moved to New York to attend college, Hilton knew for sure that he was gay; while there, he gained friends, a pile of debt, and a mitt full of credit cards. Down but not out, he started a series of jobs and launched a series of websites that both spanned time in New York and L.A., and that got him into trouble in one way or another. Then a photogra-friend leaked a few celeb pictures his way, Perez posted them on his website, and he was famous, literally overnight.

And that was good ā€“ for a while. Hilton partied near-constantly, busted into celebrity events, became “wifey” with Gaga, clubbed with Jessica Simpson, and hung with Paris Hilton. And then he made a video for a national cause that caused him to see the hurt he’d left.

Could it be that the infamous author and gossip blogger Perez Hilton has softened?

Yes, mostly. There’s a whole lot less venom inside “TMI” than you might expect from Hilton, but fans won’t be entirely bereft. There’s still a little spark of gossip here, names dropped, and stories propped up and left on the roadside for embarrassment or for examination. Those are accompanied in this memoir by a glint-in-his-eye tone, and the sneakiest of snark hidden here and there, but that’s often tendered by tenderness.

The surprise ā€“ or the shock, depending on your level of fandom ā€“ is that Hilton apologizes to several people he feels he hurt; and he expresses a degree of regret for having lost good, close friends because he reported gossip about them despite the friendship. It’s contrition that feels like it came from a battered schoolyard bully, only genuine.

Hilton is a father now and he writes with unabashed love for his kids, from a refreshing, seemingly happier place in his life. “TMI” still includes plenty of Hiltonized Too Much Information, some snickers, and a hint of tattle-tale, but if you’ve never been much of a fan, here’s a chance to change your mind.

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Bookstores full of LGBTQ-themed new releases

Novels, memoirs, and even a George Takei biography

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ā€œIt Rhymes with Takeiā€ (Book cover image courtesy of Top Shelf Productions)

Springtime, where the livinā€™ is already easy, the sun is warm, the fun is just starting, and the bookstores are full of great new releases like these.

NOVELS

For the reader who wants a thriller with a tinge of realism, look for ā€œSleeping Children: A Novelā€ by Anthony Passeron, translated by Frank Wynne (FSG, $27). The year is 1981, and American doctors are baffled by the presence of a disease thatā€™s been popping up. How curious. Across the ocean, French doctors are also seeing the same confusing disease but Passeronā€™s family ā€“ his entire village, in fact ā€“ is dealing with addiction in addition to whatever illness is striking gay men. Yes, this is a novel. Keep telling yourself that. Out April 29.

If youā€™re up for a little romance this summer (and who isnā€™t?), then look for ā€œPioneer Summer: A Novelā€ by Kateryna Sylvanova and Elena Malisova, translated by Anne O. Fisher (Abrams, $27). Itā€™s the story of Yurka, a wild child whoā€™s afraid his time at summer camp is about to be filled with boredom ā€“ until he meets Volodya, whoā€™s nothing at all like Yurka. Whatā€™s that they say about how opposites attract? This book is said to have been banned in Russia, where the authors are TikTok ā€œsensations.ā€ Out June 3.

So youā€™re the type who judges a book by its title. Then meet ā€œEveryone Sux But You,ā€ a graphic novel by K. Wroten (Henry Holt, $27.99). Itā€™s a tale of a girl who doesnā€™t give a, well, you know, about anything but mosh pits, dancing, and her BFF. The two have particularly bonded over a deep loss and that doesnā€™t help their dark outlook but sometimes, you have to see the bright side of life to really live. Out May 20.

MEMOIRS

Fans of Star Trek or of actor George Takei will absolutely want ā€œIt Rhymes with Takeiā€ (Top Shelf Productions, $29.99). Itā€™s a graphic memoir that tells Takeiā€™s story, from childhood to adulthood, about being in the closet for most of his life, and how coming out at age 68 was such a revolution for him. But itā€™s more than a biography; this book also helps readers understand what it was like to be gay for most of the 20th century and why itā€™s important to know. Out June 10.

Hereā€™s another must-have for TV watchers: ā€œSo Gay for You: Friendship, Found Family, and the Show That Started It Allā€ by Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey (St. Martinā€™s Press, $32).  This is the story of two women, a show that might have bombed (hint: it didnā€™t), and the making of a beautiful friendship. If youā€™re a fan of ā€œThe L Word,ā€ the other word youā€™ll use with this book is L-ove. Out June 3

One more, for TV fans: ā€œYet Here I Am: Lessons from a Black Manā€™s Search for Homeā€ by Jonathan Capehart (Grand Central, $30) is a biography from the MSNBC host and member of the Washington Post editorial board. Itā€™s Capehartā€™s story of fitting in, finding his way to success, and standing with feet in two different worlds. Out May 20.

NONFICTION

If youā€™re already eyeballing the idea of eating al fresco, then you must read ā€œDining Out: First Dates, Defiant Nights, and Last Call Disco Fries at Americaā€™s Gay Restaurantsā€ by Erik Piepenburg (Grand Central, $30). Once upon a time, meeting new people wasnā€™t just done in bars or nightclubs. Piepenburg says that even a century ago, gay restaurants were great places to make new friends, find new loves, and have a good meal, too. This fascinating book takes you around the country and through the decades, and itā€™s a fun, fun read. Out June 3.

And when times are bad and youā€™re feeling low, youā€™ll want to pick up ā€œGeneration Queer: Stories of Youth Organizers, Artists, and Educatorsā€ by Kimm Topping and Anshika Khullar (Lee & Low, $22.95). Itā€™s full of inspiring stories of young people, teen leaders, under-30 folks who want to represent and make change. The short biographies in this book are quick to read and theyā€™ll help you understand that the next generation is not about to let things slide backwards. Out May 27.

If these great books arenā€™t enough for you, be sure to talk to your favorite bookseller or librarian. There are lots of books out this spring and coming for summer, and youā€™re not going to want to miss them.

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Books

A taste for the macabre with a side order of sympathy

New book ā€˜The Lambā€™ is for fans of horror stories

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(Book cover image courtesy Harper)

ā€˜The Lamb: A Novelā€™
By Lucy Rose
c.2025, Harper
$27.99/329 pages

Whatā€™s for lunch?

You probably know at breakfast what youā€™reĀ havingĀ a few hoursĀ later. Maybe breast of chicken in tomato sauce. Barbecued ribs, perhaps? Leg of lamb, beef tongue, pickled pigsā€™ feet, liver and onions, the possibilities areĀ justĀ menus away. Or maybe, as in the new book,Ā ā€œThe Lambā€ by Lucy Rose,Ā youā€™ll settle for a rump roast and a few lady fingers.

Margot was just four years old when she noticed the mold on the shower walls, and wondered what it might taste like. She also found fingers in the shower drain from the last ā€œstray,ā€ the nails painted purple, and she wondered why they hadnā€™t been nibbled, too.

Cooked right, fingers and rumps were the best parts.

Later, once Margot started school, Mama depended on her to bring strays from the woods to their cottage, and Mama would give them wine and warm them up. She didnā€™t often leave the house unless it was to bury clothing and bones, but she sometimes welcomed a gardener who was allowed to leave. There was a difference, you see, between strays and others.

But Eden? Margot couldnā€™t quite figure her out.

She actually liked Eden, who seemed like a stray but obviously wasnā€™t. Eden was pretty; she never yelled at Margot, although she did take Margotā€™s sleeping spot near Mama. Eden made Mama happy; Margot could hear them in the bedroom sometimes, making noises like Mama did when the gardener visited. Eden was a very good cook. She made Mama softer, and she made promises for better times.

And yet, things never got better. Margot was not supposed to call attention to herself, but she wanted friends and a real life. If she was honest, she didnā€™t want to eat strays anymore, either, she was tired of the pressure to bring home dinner, and things began to unravel. Maybe Mama didnā€™t love Margot anymore. Maybe she loved Eden better or maybe Mama just ached from hunger.

Because you know what they say: twoā€™s company, threeā€™s a meal.

Not a book to read at lunch? No, probably not ā€“ although once you become immersed in ā€œThe Lamb,ā€ itā€™ll be easy to swallow and hard to put down.

For sure, author Lucy Rose presents a somewhat coming-of-age chiller with a gender-twisty plot line here, and while itā€™s occasionally a bit slow and definitely cringey, itā€™s also really quite compelling. Rose actually makes readers feel good about a character who indulges in something so entirely, repulsively taboo, which is a very surprising ā€“ but oddly satisfying ā€“ aspect of this unique tale. Readers, in fact, will be drawn to the character Margoā€™s innocence-turned-eyes-wide-open and it could make you grow a little protective of her as she matures over the pages. That feeling plays well inside the story and it makes the will-they-wonā€™t-they ending positively shivery.

Bottom line, if you have a taste for the macabre with a side order of sympathy, then ā€œThe Lambā€ is your book and donā€™t miss it. Fans of horror stories, this is a novel youā€™ll eat right up.

The Blade may receive commissions from qualifying purchases made via this post.

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Books

Jennifer Finney Boylan busts through hate with ā€˜Cleavageā€™

Bestselling author, scholar promoted latest book in D.C. in February

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When bestselling author Jennifer Finney Boylan came to D.C. earlier this month to promote her new memoir, ā€œCleavage,ā€ she chose an on-stage partner with whom she has some history, to pose questions before a gaggle of book lovers, members of the LGBTQ community and fans. Transgender Delaware Congresswoman Sarah McBride provided a bookend of sorts, given that Boylan fulfilled that same role when McBride published her first memoir, ā€œTomorrow Will Be Different.ā€

ā€œJenny moderated the first discussion when my book came out in 2018 at the Strand in New York City,ā€ McBride said. ā€œAnd I was star-struck. I was intimidated, because you were, really, for me, the first contemporary example of a trans person that wasn’t, as you write about in this book, on ā€˜Jerry Springer.ā€™ Being exploited.ā€ 

ā€œAnd that’s the hardest thing, I think, that some of us experience when we were growing up,ā€ said Boylan. ā€œAt least for me, it was, I almost never saw anybody like me on TV or in the movies. And if there was anyone even vaguely like me, they were usually either a villain or someone who was a figure of ridicule. Thank goodness all that has changed!ā€ The crowd laughed along, knowingly. 

But it was not just McBride who joined Boylan in the Politics and Prose bookstore at the Wharf. They were joined by other trans trailblazers: Activist Mara Keisling, Adm. (ret.) Rachel Levine, former Department of Defense official Amanda Simpson and journalist and activist Charlotte Clymer.Ā 

This event was just one stop on a whirlwind national tour to promote Boylanā€™s book, featuring Roxane Gay in New York, WBUR senior arts and culture reporter Cristela Guerra in Cambridge, and other stops with celebrity guests from Maine to Santa Cruz, Calif. 

Boylan has explained at each stop what compelled her to write a sequel to her bestselling first memoir, ā€œSheā€™s Not There: A Life in Two Genders,ā€ from 2003. 

ā€œIf you’re a writer, stories are my bread and butter,ā€ she said. ā€œAnd there are a lot of stories I haven’t told. There are also some stories I wanted to revisit.ā€

ā€œCleavage,ā€ she revealed, was to acknowledge that things have changed since she told the world she was trans. 

ā€œOne of the stories I wanted to look at was the difference between coming out now and coming out 25 years ago,ā€ said Boylan. ā€œI have a transgender daughter. She came out six or seven years ago. And how did I react? I freaked out. Did I put my arms around my child and say, ā€˜Love will prevail?ā€™ No. I remember literally jolting in my chair. Literally. It was as if I had been struck by lightning. And my first thought was, ā€˜Damn.ā€™ Because, as most of us know, it’s a hard life. And even when things go about as well as they can, which I thinkā€”and there are a lot of success stories in this roomā€”it’s still a hard life.ā€

After conversations with the author at these events, the hosts have opened the floor to questions from the audience, often not just about Boylanā€™s memoir but about the state of affairs in Washington and across the nation. 

At the event at the New York Public Library earlier this month, Gay fielded this question from someone who moderates a trans nonbinary peer support group: ā€œWhat can you tell our members to give them hope?ā€ Boylan took a moment to consider the question. 

ā€œHere’s what we know. Right now, things are really bad. And they’re not just bad for queer and nonbinary and trans people. They’re bad for a lot of people. They’re bad for anybody who doesn’t kind of fit into this 1950s all-male review of singing and dancing that these people have prepared for us. It is hard,ā€ she said. 

ā€œWe have been through hard times before in this country. We have been through a civil war. We’ve been through depression. We’ve been through, well, you know, the shit keeps hitting the fan. But this moment, as aggressive as it feels, will not last forever. And this will not define us. And I think that, what’s that Paul Simon song? ā€˜I believe in the future we will suffer no more. Maybe not in my lifetime, but in yours, I feel sure.ā€™ā€ Boylan was referencing the 1990 song, ā€˜The Cool, Cool Riverā€™ by Paul Simon. ā€œOh, gee, do I have to be dead for things to get better? I hope not,ā€ added Boylan, before continuing her message.

ā€œThis moment, which feels so oppressive, is not the last word,ā€ she said. ā€œThis is just beginning. And we have not, unfortunately, we have not yet started to fight back. But we are going to fight back. And, you know, I hope I can say they don’t know what’s coming for them! So, let’s make that clear. Is this really what the majority of Americans wanted? This? I don’t believe it. I won’t believe it. And so, we just have to work for it and not lose our hope. And, yeah, keep telling your stories.ā€ 

Simpson told her story at the event in D.C., comparing how the movement for marriage equality differs from the movement for trans rights. 

ā€œIt was about the neighbors you know, and that there were LGBT people in your neighborhood,ā€ she said. ā€œI was an aerospace engineer. We had firemen and policemen. We had military people, all doing these ads saying, ā€˜Look, we’re just your neighbors. Get to know the individual, not this larger concept of an LGBT person,ā€™ and that worked. And I think we have to do that again. It’s about that personal introduction to them. We do these things to show that we’re just like everyone else. We’re human. But we have a leader sitting down the street who has made this such a sharp point to help energize or misdirect what’s going on. And being a Jewish woman, I rememberā€”well, not personally, but I look back at what happened in 1933 and 35 overseas and think about the similarities of picking on one group of defenseless, underrepresented people to help focus everyone else to be behind you. And that’s, I think, what we’re seeing.ā€

Levine, a former assistant secretary of Health and Human Services in the Biden-Harris administration, followed-up. 

ā€œI would agree with Amanda about the political aspect of this, it’s been very well reported that this is a specific strategy, an iterative strategy developed by right-wing think tanks in Washington to split the progressive movement,ā€ Levine said. ā€œThey lost marriage, did not feel that they could gain that back, and so they were looking for a scapegoat, and thought that they could make progress by demonizing us and otherizing us, starting with trans athletes, then going on to transgender medicine or gender-affirming care for youth, and now you see, you know, denying that we exist at all, and then potentially trying to go back to sexual orientation as well ā€¦ It was a specific political and ideological strategy which, unfortunately, they weaponized and were very successful in doing that, and I think that we were conveniently there, but now, what do we do? Now here we are, in this extremely challenging environment, and the key will be how our community, supported by the broader LGBTQ community and our allies, respond.ā€

Keisling pointed part of the blame for right-wing attacks on the community itself, for its handling of trans athletes and its hyperfocus on JK Rowling, who she called ā€œa jerk.ā€ 

ā€œThey landed on this sports thing, which we totally screwed up,ā€ said Keisling. ā€œInstead of talking about the seven-year-old who wants to play soccer with her friends, we were talking about Olympians and NCAA swimmers, which we should have been defending against, but that wasn’t our strongest argument. What I have been saying for 10 years is we don’t seem to understand, we as progressives, that we are also part of the problem. We are not focused on what narrowness we’re hearing. Now, I believe this is about populism and politics, as Amanda said. But they came over and started picking people off on our side, and we have never done that. Progressives won’t do that. Progressives will never, ever, ever welcome somebody to come over from the other side. And that’s a mistake, and we’ve got to figure out how to do that, how to reach out to people, how to win over people. And once we win them over, we have to fucking embrace them. And most of the activists I know won’t do that.ā€

McBride stepped in to concur. 

ā€œI agree with you, Mara,ā€ she said, ā€œI think we have lost the art of coalition building. We have created a space where there is no room for imperfect allies. We have eliminated space for people to grow because they at least perceive that they will be seen as permanently guilty for having been wrong.ā€ 

Clymer agreed. 

ā€œSay what you will about the Evangelical Church, and I have a lot of things to say about the Evangelical Church, but their greatest strength is that there is a very low threshold for entry,ā€ she said. ā€œYou show up to the congregations, you don’t have to know anything, you don’t have to have any knowledge of theory or practice or whatever, you just show up and you’re welcome to the pulpit. We as a progressive movement, and I think to your point, Mara, we do not do a very good job of keeping a welcome threshold for entry into the movement. We tell folks that if you don’t know this sort of thing, or this theory, or if you’re not aware of this or that or whatever, we make people afraid to err, make mistakes. And I do think we need to get better at that.ā€ 

Boylan got the last word. 

ā€œI think that we were defined with some of the hardest issues to understand. And rather than the fact that, you know, I don’t particularly want to play sports with your kid. I want to teach them English,ā€ she said, then turned to McBride. ā€œYou are not here to play sports. You are here to represent the people of Delaware. So, the main thing we want is we want to be able to do our jobs. We want to be able to walk tall. And guess what? We also would like to be left alone.ā€ 

Boylan was asked if there was a bumper sticker for trans rights that could match what ā€œLove is Loveā€ accomplished for marriage equality. Her response: ā€œLove is the wise person’s revenge. Love is the best revenge in the world.ā€

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