Living
A dream fulfilled
MLK memorial, years in the making, resonates with LGBT community
The civil rights movement pioneered by Martin Luther King, Jr., has inspired many leaders of the LGBT movement. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)
(UPDATE: The MLK Memorial dedication ceremony has been postponed due to Hurricane Irene. It is expected to be rescheduled for September or October.)
When a tribute to the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. is dedicated this weekend, it will mark more than the addition of a new monument to Washington, D.C.’s landscape.
It will symbolize the civil rights leader’s success.
The stone likeness rises as the first monument to a man of color on the National Mall, 48 years after King described his then ground-breaking dream, and in a nation where — at least ostensibly — much of that dream has been realized.
The movement was a model for countless others, including the LGBT rights push, which has shared nonviolence tenets and even leaders like gay, black activist Bayard Rustin.
Yet most similarities end there.
While fruits of the civil rights movement are evident in modern America — apparent in a widening black middle class and a black first family in the White House, for instance — the gay rights movement’s successes have been slower coming.
Same-sex marriage rights remain tenuous and limited to a handful of states; despite hate crime legislation, the threat of violence continues to deny many gays and lesbians a basic sense of safety in their hometowns.
As the nation prepares to welcome King to the National Mall, community leaders share their outlook on the LGBT movement with the Washington Blade — from a California group using civil unrest to humanize the struggle; to the partner of late gay and civil rights icon Bayard Rustin working to keep his ideals alive; to former NAACP leader Julian Bond, who uses his status as a key historic civil rights figure to promote the LGBT rights struggle as a modern civil rights fight.
They point to entrenched faith-based bigotry, and even a lack of movement cohesion, as obstacles. But each believes that by using King’s model of continued struggle, the LGBT dream of full equality can be achieved.
Images of change
The Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. sitting in an Alabama jail cell. Firefighters battering blacks with powerful jets of water. Jeering whites pouring condiments over the heads of stoic lunch counter protesters.
They’re images that moved activist Robin McGehee, as a child growing up in Jackson, Miss.
And today as executive director of GetEqual, she organizes demonstrations to create actions and images she hopes will drive home the plight of gay and lesbian men and women just as powerfully. An absence of such visual tools encouraged McGehee to form the group, with offices in Berkeley, Calif., and Washington, D.C., in January 2010.
“We had that in reference to the AIDS movement in ACT-UP, and fighting for adequate health care. But in reference to a full civil rights fight for equality, I couldn’t think of one iconic action,” she said.
The group has orchestrated more than 40 actions in the last year, including one in which military veterans handcuffed themselves to the White House fence to protest “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”
The group honed use of such actions at the Highlander Research and Education Center, a New Market, Tenn., center that trained members of the original civil rights movement. McGehee and other LGBT equality activists underwent training at the historic center in January 2010.
“Not until you can give literal imagery to that discrimination do people really resonate or get it,” McGehee said.
Yet despite mirroring the earlier movement’s successful tactics, activists’ success in mainstreaming LGBT rights remains light years behind that of racial equality — something McGehee blames on entrenched religious bigotry.
“We’ve gotten into a moment where people are using the Bible as a weapon,” said McGehee, pointing out that while religious rhetoric once justified slavery and racism, cultural changes eventually erased such thinking. “… I don’t think we’ve jumped that hurdle with regard to gays.”
McGehee is encouraged, however, by more subtle success in incorporating gays and lesbians socially. Just a few years after Ellen DeGeneres thought twice about coming out on TV, realistic portrayals of gays and lesbians are common on TV.
“In time,” she said, “I think we’re gonna get there.”
A life of service
The former partner of Bayard Rustin said the gay civil rights leader would be happy with the arrival of marriage equality, but would have pushed for it in all 50 states. (Washington Blade archive photo by Doug Hinckle)
Walter Naegle had certainly heard of Bayard Rustin, the relentlessly active civil rights agitator who gained as much notoriety for his efforts to win black equality as for his open homosexuality.
But on the day he ran into the civil rights legend on a New York City corner in April 1977, he didn’t recognize him: Rustin wasn’t carrying his trademark walking stick.
“When he gave me his name, I knew,” said Naegle, whose chance meeting with Rustin lead to a 10-year relationship that ended only when the activist died in 1987.
More than two decades later, Naegle keeps Rustin’s ideals alive, working with filmmakers to promote “Brother Outsider,” a portrayal of Rustin’s story, executing his estate and generally overseeing the use of his image.
He believes Rustin’s courage, openness and tireless work — he was in his 70s and still agitating when he died — have helped make him resonate as an icon of the human rights movement.
By the time Naegle met Rustin, the activist had long been a legend. Rustin had worked with A. Philip Randolph to strengthen relationships between blacks and labor unions, but was perhaps best known for his role organizing the 1963 March on Washington.
He’d also become a gay rights icon before it was fashionable: Rustin was essentially outed in 1953 when he was arrested on a “morals charge,” yet he refused to deny the charges or his sexual orientation.
“He didn’t have to hide anything,” he said. “He was just going to be who he was and let the chips fall where they may.”
Rustin would pay the price for that openness.
“Whenever he would rise to a certain level, particularly in the African-American civil rights movement but also in other movements, something would happen and someone would try to chop him down,” Naegle said.
Nonetheless, “He was not defeated. He didn’t turn around and stop his activism — he just worked on the sidelines.”
Rustin remained active with several organizations, including the A. Philip Randolph Institute and the United States Holocaust Memorial Council, at the time of his death.
Years later, his story still has the power to inspire. Naegle said a book of his letters is slated for publication in March, in time for what would have been Rustin’s 100th birthday.
Naegle believes his partner would have been “heartened” to see marriage equality happen in even one state. But he wouldn’t have been satisfied with limited success.
“It’s fine to have these victories in urban areas,” Naegle said. “But people all over the country should be entitled to the same thing.”
“Gay and lesbian rights are not ‘special’ rights”
Julian Bond’s new fight
Former NAACP Chair Julian Bond likens the modern LGBT movement to the push for black civil rights in the ‘60s. (photo courtesy of wikimedia.org)
Where others may see conflict between the black and gay rights agendas, Julian Bond sees similarities.
Both groups struggle against bigotry based on personal characteristics. Both are entitled to basic rights by the same Constitution. And both benefit from each others’ successes.
Indeed, he argues, “People of color ought to be flattered that our movement has provided so much inspiration for others — that it has been so widely imitated,” Bond, who works as an adjunct professor at American University, told the Blade.
The man who has worn many hats as a Georgia lawmaker and leader with both the Southern Poverty Law Center and the NAACP, has more recently directed his outspoken energies to the conflict between civil rights and gay rights advocates.
It’s a particularly touchy dispute. Old school civil rights leaders and even some black gays bristle at LGBT activists’ use of King’s rhetoric to promote their agenda as a modern civil rights movement. Some site racial divisions within the LGBT movement, and argue that discrimination faced by gays isn’t as harsh as that faced by blacks.
Yet for Bond, there isn’t much of a dispute: The two groups must lock arms.
“Many gays and lesbians worked side by side with me in the ’60s civil rights movement. Am I now to tell them thanks for risking life and limb helping me win my rights, but they are excluded because of a condition of their birth?” he said. “That they cannot share now in the victories they helped to win?”
Bond has lent his outspoken rhetoric and organizational skills to many causes over the years.
While a student at Morehouse College, in Atlanta, in the ’60s, he helped organize the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee, he was the first president of the SPLC and was board chairman of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People from 1998 to 2010.
He’s become one of the most vocal mainstream voices in the movement to promote equal treatment for gays and lesbians, going as far as to boycott the funeral of King widow Coretta Scott King in 2006 after the services were arranged at an anti-gay church.
In July, Bond spoke at an NAACP forum discussing gay and lesbian issues in the black community, featuring openly gay black comedian Wanda Sykes and CNN anchor Don Lemon.
“People of color carry the badge of who we are on our faces. But we are far from the only people suffering discrimination,” Bond said. “Sadly so do many others. They deserve the law’s protections and civil rights too.”
Bond’s comments stand in contrast to the black community’s historically conservative stance on gay issues.
Yet he said one need only look at the personal examples set by the lauded civil rights leaders to see whether such thinking is in line with King’s dream.
“We cannot know what Dr. King would have thought about today’s GLBT movements,” Bond said. “But if we consider the prominent role his widow, Coretta Scott King, occupied in speaking out on GLBT rights, it is hard to believe that he would not have done the same.”
Advice
We’re getting married but our parents object
Will their disapproval and shortcomings derail our hopes for a happy life?
Dear Michael,
My girlfriend and I are getting married! We’re really excited, but we’ve got some big concerns as well.
All of our parents have had multiple marriages. I think 10 between the four of them. So we don’t have much in the way of role models for a successful marriage.
Also, we don’t have any parental support. Except for one of my ex-stepmothers whom I’m close to, none of our parents are happy that their daughter is getting married to another woman. That’s an understatement. Religious objections, moral objections, being angry that we’re “embarrassing them,” these are some of the things we’ve been told.
We do have some supportive siblings and step-siblings, which is great, although they’re getting pushback from parents about attending our wedding.
Given all this, what suggestions do you have for how we can make a go of our marriage? The divorce rate is over 50 percent for everyone. With all this baggage, we’re worried that we have even less of a chance. Thank you.
Michael replies:
First, congratulations!
Regarding your lack of family support: I’m sorry that you both have to deal with so much criticism, disdain, and judgment. Please don’t let your parents’ negativity influence your own views of yourselves and your relationship. Focus instead on the love and caring you will get from friends, community and the family who are present on your big day (I hope your siblings are brave enough to make it!). Being the recipients of that support is one of the sweetest parts of getting married.
Don’t worry about the high divorce rate. While some couples really shouldn’t stay married, lots of people get divorced because they don’t know what is required to have a good marriage, or don’t put in the effort to do so. That does not have to be your fate.
Similarly, your parents’ terrible track record doesn’t mean you have to repeat their marital histories. The skills to have a strong marriage are learnable.
To that end, here are the best tips I can offer the two of you:
- If you want a loving marriage, be a loving partner. Don’t snipe, sulk, or do the silent treatment when you’re mad. Unconditional love is largely a myth. Even our dogs won’t love us if we are mean to them.
- Don’t spend much time or effort focusing on what your spouse is doing wrong or how she is letting you down. Doing so leads to resentment and feeling like you’re a powerless victim. Instead, ask yourself what your own contribution is to the problem, and what you can do to make things better. You don’t have much power over your partner, but you have a lot of power over yourself.
You can certainly ask your spouse for what you’d like from her, but don’t expect to always get it. And don’t base your own wellbeing or good behavior on what your partner does or doesn’t do.
- Because any two people are always different in some important ways, there is no way that you both can always want the same things, or think the same way, or have the same priorities. Accept this! There has to be room for each of you to be an individual, not only part of a couple.
- Be generous as often as you can be, and have a boundary when it’s important for you to have one.
- When your spouse states that she has a boundary, respect it. Do not push her to back off from something that is important to her.
- Don’t keep score, including how much more you do or how often you don’t get your way. Instead, work together to have a collaborative marriage where you work together to make decisions and get things done.
- Strive not to weigh the relationship down with neediness. Once we’re grownups, it’s mainly our own job to soothe ourselves. You don’t want to burn out your partner’s empathy.
Of course you can ask for a hug, love, reassurance, support, advice, and a shoulder to cry on when you’re down. Just aim be the first person you turn to when you’re upset, and do your best to keep your own mood steady.
- Do not wait for your significant other to go first. Not on planning a date, not on apologizing, not on loading the dishwasher or cleaning the bathroom. If you wait for her to make the first move, you will have a resentful relationship where nothing good ever happens.
Keeping these principles part of your operating system, even — and especially — at those moments when your spouse isn’t doing her best, will go a long way toward helping you build and maintain a loving and happy marriage.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
Technology
E-INFOSOL leaders encourage youth to pursue tech careers
Service-disabled, veteran-owned business based in Rockville
The technology field can be a gateway to economic mobility.
At E-INFOSOL, a service-disabled, veteran-owned business based in Rockville, Md., CEO and co-founder Fredy Pesante and Vice President of Service Delivery Charles Barnett say internships, mentorship and free online resources can help young people break into IT. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics projects an average of 317,000 job openings per year in the field until 2034.
Led by Iraq War Army veteran Pesante, E-INFOSOL stands out for its efforts to increase opportunities for veterans, people of color and others in under-resourced communities to find careers in tech and its mental health support for employees.
Pesante and Barnett spoke with Youthcast Media Group about technology careers. The executives also talked about the value of government security clearances, stressing that the choices youth make today — including their digital footprints and personal conduct — can shape tech workforce opportunities.
The interview has been edited for clarity and length.
Can you describe what E-INFOSOL does and what your role is there?
BARNETT: We focus mainly [on] providing IT services to the federal government. And those IT services consist of cloud engineering, cloud development, cloud security, app development and cybersecurity, and a lot of infrastructure virtualization-type work. My role is [vice president] of service delivery, responsible for ensuring that we are providing great customer service to our customers [and] that we are meeting our deliverables and our requirements to our customers. But also, one of the key focuses is ensuring that our employees have the tools [and] resources to be successful, and that includes coaching, training and developing our employees, and obviously treating them like they want to be treated.
Is IT a career that can help reverse the cycle of poverty in low-income parts of the D.C. area? What more would need to be done to potentially get more youth access to the right technology and training?
BARNETT: One thing we’ve got to ensure is that we, as professionals that have been through it, that have had a lot of experience in the IT space, provide that mechanism to bring folks along with us. That is, exposing our youth to information technology at a young age. If we can show that it’s very interesting, and it’s beneficial, and if they are committed to it and they show a sense of pride and commitment, I think it works out for a lot of people that are coming up from disadvantaged communities that don’t have technology within the house and who don’t have mentors that come from the technology field.
PESANTE: I still think internships work well for high school, even college. IT certifications are still something in demand in specific areas … Charles and myself, we’re part of the Technology Advisory Board at [Montgomery College] and they offer free resources as well to give an advantage to students that don’t have a career path. So find a way to leverage those local resources that are available and try to capitalize on those. IT is such a great field because even though it’s great to have an undergraduate (degree), that is not always a full basis into having an IT career. So you could start in high school … There’s a lot of free stuff online. There’s a lot of YouTube videos. There’s so many resources. To be honest, there’s even now AI that can really teach you [and] it’s free to a certain level that you could use.
As a veteran-led company with a significant veteran workforce, how does E-INFOSOL support employee well-being and mental-health awareness?
PESANTE: Approximately 35 percent to 40 percent of our employees are veterans. Veterans often gravitate toward working with one another because we share a mission-focused mentality and a commitment to getting the job done.
Mental health has always mattered to us, but it became even more personal after we lost one of our respected leaders, a fellow veteran who had battled mental illness. I worked closely with his family to help honor his story and legacy.
That experience reinforced the importance of supporting mental health across our entire workforce. We encourage managers to maintain meaningful contact with employees, provide appropriate training, and connect people with available resources. We want our actions to match what we say about being a people-first company. Our employee retention has remained strong, and I believe the way we care for our people has contributed to that.
How does getting or having a U.S. government security clearance help? How would a young person pursue getting a security clearance, and what should they keep in mind if they plan to do so?
PESANTE: We live in a world of social media. Make sure you’re … not going to be concerned with somebody finding you on the Internet behaving a certain way. Even though, in some locations, drugs like medical marijuana and what not are considered legal, [that is] not [the case] in the federal government. The use of any substances that could be mind-altering, that’s not a thing [that’s allowed] in the federal government. Also, from a legal perspective, from a criminal background perspective, that’s something that any checkup is going to come up [with], so [make] sure that you’re behaving in a manner exemplifying honesty, reliability, sound judgment, responsible conduct, and trustworthiness. The best thing for getting clearances at that early jump is internships. We’ve been able to get people clearances through the internship process. After a person fits a specific requirement, you train them and they get a government clearance, and that helps them have a head start. When I moved out here after living in Puerto Rico and I was in the Army, I had a clearance. I was able to find a job quickly.
Any other advice for young people considering this path?
PESANTE: I would say go for it. As minorities, there are a lot of external factors we can’t control, but nobody can ever stop you if you’re great at what you do, if you have a strong work ethic and if you put a lot of effort into making the best out of yourself. It’s never too early to work on yourself and look for ways to work on your professional career, work on your soft skills… Make sure you are working with peers and surrounding yourself with the right people throughout your whole life. I had a mentor myself when I started in the business — Carlos Rivera. He’s from Puerto Rico. He was a veteran. And that always helped me out, having somebody that you want to aspire to [be].
BARNETT: Do not be afraid to fail. You know you’re going to make mistakes. People around you are going to make mistakes. Learn from it, and learn from that, and don’t allow people to impact your goals and objectives. You set your path and if you set your path, you’re going to go a very long way, and if you’re really committed and continue to establish relationships along your entire path, you’re going to reap the benefits of ensuring that you are in a position to take advantage of opportunities that are in front of you.
Joseph Jackson is in the class of 2027 at Bard High School Early College DC, one of Youthcast Media Group’s partner schools. Shreya Jyotishi, YMG Assistant Manager of Content and Programs, also worked on this story.
Remember when buying a new car didn’t require the financial stamina of a “Succession” character? This summer, the average new-vehicle price hit $49,758—basically $50,000 with a little lipstick on it. That makes the Kia K4 hatchback and Nissan Kicks especially refreshing. Neither requires a second mortgage, a trust fund or a makeover to look good. And both prove you can still buy a new vehicle without selling your soul — or your vacation plans.
KIA K4 HATCHBACK
$25,000
Mpg: 28 city/34 highway
0 to 60 mph: 9.1 seconds
Cargo space: 22.2 cu. ft.
PROS: Edgy exterior. Roomy interior. User-friendly controls.
CONS: So-so base engine. Pricy turbo. No all-wheel drive.
WHAT’S NEW: Basically everything. The K4 hatchback debuted earlier this year, joining the K4 sedan.
Kia’s stylish five-door K4 boasts three trim levels. The first two use a capable four-cylinder engine, while the top-of-the-line model comes with a turbo.
That turbo provides some genuine zip, though it won’t blow your socks off. Think Janelle Monáe in a tailored suit, not Brad Pitt arriving at the F1 racetrack in a fireproof jumpsuit.
The real star, though, is the design. Sleek. Upscale. A tad mysterious.
Inside, another surprise: vast legroom and storage. Fold the backseats and you can toss in the usual road-trip clutter, plus that regrettable piece of furniture you bought after watching one too many HGTV shows.
Technology is also a bonus, including a digital key that lets you use a smartphone or smartwatch as a direct key fob. You can even share this digital key with friends or family. Just don’t share it with anyone who often loses their actual keys.
Despite some SUV vibes, the K4 remains unapologetically car-like. It sits lower. Feels more conventional. And offers hatchback practicality without itching to conquer the Rockies.
The biggest downside? No all-wheel drive.
Still, for shoppers who crave style, space and gadgetry, the K4 won’t break the bank. To me, it’s like finding a designer jacket at a thrift shop.
NISSAN KICKS
$23,000
Mpg: 28 city/35 highway
0 to 60 mph: 8.9 seconds
Cargo space: 23.9 cubic feet
PROS: Dashing design. Safety gear galore. All-wheel drive.
CONS: Bit pokey. Noisy engine. Limited rear visibility.
WHAT’S NEW: Redesigned last year with a bit more power, bigger cabin and bold looks, Nissan leaves the winning formula alone.
Like the Kia K4, the Nissan Kicks comes in three trims levels. But it also includes all-wheel drive — a nice plus when navigating snow, sleet or cratered alleys.
There’s an extensive suite of active and passive safety features. And the high ground clearance improves driver visibility, which is somewhat hindered in the back by thick roof pillars.
Styling is tastefully flamboyant. Dramatic lighting. Two-tone finishes. Cheerful, without being cartoonish. Miranda Priestly would approve.
Power, though, is more akin to Miranda’s art director Nigel Kipling. Dependable. Functional. Just not enthusiastic.
Inside, the mod cabin has large 12.3-inch displays, wireless smartphone connectivity and charging, and “zero gravity seats” designed to reduce driver fatigue and stiffness. Add in the stunning Bose Personal Plus audio system, with 10 speakers—including those integrated into the headrests—for an immersive 360-degree sound experience.
The Kicks doesn’t try to be rugged or luxurious. It simply offers a lot of everyday usefulness in a small package.
There is a trade-off. The engine gets noisy when pushed, and there are sportier (often pricier) competitors. But that’s hardly a crime. Not every vehicle needs to perform catwalk struts down the street.
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