Bars & Parties
Oscar winner Black recalls growing up Mormon
His friends and family call him “Lance,” as Dustin Lance Black, the 34-year-old Oscar-winning Hollywood wunderkind, told a crowd of fans Monday night at the Jewish Community Center’s “Conversation” sponsored by the center’s program for Gay & Lesbian Outreach & Engagement.
In fact, Lance is a name the young screenwriter and director took for himself as part of framing his identity from his first realization at the age of six that he was gay.
On that day a boy only a little older had taken his toy cart, and as Black recalled in his address to the GLOE gathering, “I started to clench up and my heart started to race but I knew I didn’t want to fight him, I knew I wanted to kiss him.”
“And I knew I was going to hell,” reminisced Black, who was born in a Mormon household and remained Mormon until age 16.
“I knew that God did not love me,” Black declared – and “that little six-year-old would be a shame to his family” and indeed in one sense this fear was fulfilled much later, in the very week after winning his Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay for the film “Milk,” about the assassinated gay political activist and San Francisco city official Harvey Milk.
Someone on his father’s side of his family — the Mormon father who deserted them when Lance was only six — sent Lance a note in reaction to his Oscar acceptance speech that was a full-throated declaration of support for gay equality: “I hope you know the great shame you’ve brought my family.”
“And that doesn’t feel so good,” Lance said, while pointing out that when he came out to his mother when he was 22, she started crying at first, “but she knew she was a mom, and it was tough for a while.
“But I started to put it out there, and later she would meet my boyfriends, and then she would want to know ‘are they treating you all right?’ and now she’s my biggest advocate and LGBT supporter.”
Mormonism was constricting to his identity as a gay person, Lance admitted, and though he has left the church he recognizes the values of family it upholds, “which is why it’s so shocking that they won’t recognize gay and lesbian families.” He also grinned and confessed that he doesn’t “wear the underwear,” but his Mormonism proved crucial to his being hired onto the writing team for HBO’s hit series “Big Love,” an absorbing show now in its fourth season about a polygamous family of rogue Mormons living “off the books” in modern-day Utah.
“I’m still a spiritual person but it took me a long time to get back to that place,” Black conceded, and one earlier way station was trying out being a Baptist.
Black also described the years spent trying to get his script about the life and death of Harvey Milk produced, enduring warnings from his agents that being identified with such a gay topic would be a career killer.
Warner Brothers owned the rights to one treatment and told Black to “buzz off” several times when he approached them with a script idea, and one time he was told they wanted an “A-list writer with an Academy Award.” Black paused and then said quietly, “I guess I filled that gap,” followed by whoops and cheers from the GLOE audience.
He also recalled going to the Oscars consumed with what he admits was “gold fever,” and said he asked Sean Penn about it, who was to win his second Oscar that night for his portrayal of Milk.
“Sean said to me, ‘Yeah, I want to win too, but don’t tell anyone.'” That was when he asked Penn what it’s like to win. The actor told him “It’s like being hit with a freight train.”
“And he’s right,” Lance said with a smile. “When my name was called, I felt like I was hit by a freight train.” He recalled how wonderful it felt in the green room when Whoopi Goldberg grabbed him and said, “We’re all gay now!”
Since winning the Oscar, Lance’s life has seen its share of ups and downs. An earlier encounter with an acknowledged male escort resulted in explicit photos and a video showing the two engaged in unprotected anal sex leaked to the web. This bout of celebrity sex-video scandal has left Black admittedly depressed at times but also fighting back with lawsuits to shut down sites trying to market the photos and the video.
Marriage equality is now Black’s main political focus as a gay activist, alongside his continuing dedication to telling stories on film.
“The truth is I’m not a natural-born leader,” Black said. “Most people think of leaders as having a strong voice and good posture, and I don’t have either. I’m kind of a nervous type, I always have been.”
But he emerged as a gay rights leader last fall during the National Equality March when he spoke on the steps of the U.S. Capitol and called for the “dream of full equality,” saying “you have to name the dream” of “full and equal civil rights,” and “it was one of the greatest moments of my life.”
“This is the civil rights fight of my generation and the civil rights fight of the 21st century,” Black declared on Monday. “I know in my heart and I have absolute faith in the American tradition of spreading freedom,” but he admitted “it won’t be easy.”
“I know I must agitate when necessary and I must lead and that is my passion and we must beware of those people who accept the status quo as truth.”
Speaking with him afterwards, Kelly Horton, a 34-year-old District resident said, “I just want to tell you that you don’t have to choose to be a leader, you are one now, so own it.”
Horton, an American Political Science Association health and aging policy fellow in the executive branch, told Black she plans to run for federal office one day, maybe at home in Washington State. She said “he’s harnessed energy and that’s amazing.”
Black has just finished production as director and writer of the film “What’s Wrong with Virginia,” starring Ed Harris and Jennifer Connelly and based on the story of a schizophrenic member of his family. He is also writing the script to bring director Gus Van Sant’s tale of Ken Kesey and the Merry Pranksters — “The Electric Kool Aid Acid Test” — to the screen.
And he is now at work investigating the life and times of longtime FBI director J. Edgar Hoover, a man about whom tales of cross-dressing and a hidden gay identity have long swirled.
Black said his Hoover script will be “intimate and personal” about “a man who made very different choices than Harvey Milk.”
Hoover was also looking for love, like Milk, “but he had trouble finding love so he looked to find it instead from a country’s admiration, and it failed, because admiration comes and goes — it’s not something that you can replace love with, love lasts for a lifetime,” Black said hopefully. Or at least it can.
Bars & Parties
Lesbian Bar Project co-founder: purity politics could destroy our remaining spaces
Last Ditch’s decision to lift its mask requirement for one night a week has sparked intra-queer controversy
Uncloseted Media published this story on Sept. 29
By ERICA ROSE and THE LESBIAN BAR PROJECT | As a professional lesbian and Massachusetts native, I’ve recently been asked by a lot of folks what I think about the saga unfolding at Last Ditch. The now-viral story, first reported by the Boston Globe, centers on a Western Massachusetts lesbian bar that lifted its mask requirement for one night a week to help drum up business.
The decision ignited an intra-queer controversy that has been feasted on by media outlets across the political spectrum — from the New York Post to LGBTQ Nation — and is even reportedly being eyed for a Hollywood adaptation. Apparently nothing is more entertaining than a bunch of lesbians and queers fighting with each other over KN-95s.
What has been lost in all of the chatter and media coverage is the very real possibility that Last Ditch, which just opened in April 2025, will have to close its doors. The venue’s one remaining founder, Jackie Matellian, revealed in a community Zoom meeting that she’s working four jobs, is now solely responsible for the bar’s $50,000 business loan and is struggling to keep up with the bills. So as we laugh about the controversy’s similarity to a “Portlandia” skit and how one of the bar’s founders left to enroll in clown school, we forget that yet another lesbian bar is facing an existential crisis — and this time the call is coming from inside the house.
In 2020, my friend Elina Street and I created The Lesbian Bar Project, an Emmy-, Webby- and GLAAD Media Award-winning docuseries and initiative that tells the stories of lesbian queer bars around the world. We were moved to act because at the time there were only an estimated 16 lesbian bars in the United States, and the pandemic threatened to bring that number down even further.
There are now more sapphic bars than there were just before the pandemic — about 36 of them in total — but this is down from approximately 200 in 1980. Maybe that doesn’t mean much to you, but for the millions of sapphics living in the U.S., this number is calamitous.
As the world laughs at lesbians and sapphics, I want to take a second and tell you what I feel when I walk into one of these bars, which are all unique and irreplaceable in their own way: I feel seen.
Sometimes I think Cubbyhole in New York City’s West Village neighborhood knew I was gay before I did. When I walked in there for the first time, before I was even out, I was transfixed by the colorful array of tchotchkes hanging from the ceiling and how the women standing next to me were completely unafraid to express their desire for one another. I knew the minute I was ready to come out, I had a home. I also felt the joy of a new couple falling in love at Seattle’s Wildrose, the quiet confidence of a short king lining up her shot at the pool table at Ginger’s in Brooklyn and the kick of cayenne pepper in Julie Mabry’s crawfish at Houston’s Pearl Bar.
Lesbian bars don’t just serve lesbians; they serve queer folks across the spectrum, including bisexual, pansexual and trans people. As Elina and I traveled across the U.S. and Europe and to parts of Latin America to document the bar owners, staff and patrons that make up the ecosystems of these spaces, we also became uniquely acquainted with the factors that threaten their existence: gentrification, wage gaps, sexism, environmental disasters, gun violence, rising insurance premiums and political administrations working to annihilate queer people and their families.
Lesbian bar owners, like all leaders and entrepreneurs, are imperfect. There have been significant issues over the years at lesbian bars: employee harassment, racism, lack of accessibility, sexual assault and transphobia. All bar owners should be held accountable and should listen to their communities to evolve into safer and more equitable spaces. I also acknowledge my privilege: I am able-bodied, white, cis and from a family system that loves me for who I am. Not everyone has that.
Queer people, especially trans and bisexual people, are suffering from disproportionately high levels of depression, and our mental health system isn’t equipped to support them. Immunocompromised people and long COVID are real, and many of my friends are suffering to this day. The people with the least safety net are often the ones for whom a bar closing costs the most. And yet, as we’re seeing with Last Ditch, the queer community often lashes out at each other. It’s also the mainstream media taking the internal conflict and making a mockery out of it, distracting from the real possibility that this bar could close due to financial pressures. A bar that many people loved and needed is facing extinction. Perhaps it’s safer to dissent with one another than with the larger forces trying to eradicate us, but in doing so, we risk destroying the few spaces we have left.
Due to the constraints of purity politics — some in good faith, some not so much — lesbian bar owners, almost all of whom are queer women themselves, are forced to be everything for everyone, similarly to how women are forced to be everything for everyone. By asking these bars to uphold impossible standards — standards very few other third spaces are asked to consider — we all end up losing.
I want to move as a community toward dialogue, compassionate dissent and collaboration to make our spaces better with the goal of keeping them OPEN and thriving, rather than destroying them from the inside with expectations that are arguably unattainable.
While I have your attention — for this fleeting second of the news cycle — may I urge us to spearhead a way to keep these small businesses afloat without attacking our own community along the way? Bar owners are left with an impasse: They want to be community-centered, but they also have to make money to keep their doors open. Sometimes they might make business decisions that don’t work for everyone — and that’s partly because different patrons have different priorities and want different things — but these owners deserve the opportunity for productive dialogue. We have to work with them and with each other to keep our spaces open, to keep them growing.
Lesbian bars raised me into the queer woman I am today. One thing I think about as I reflect on the six years of work we’ve done to document these spaces is that shared, unspoken language I have with a stranger the moment we both walk into one of these bars: the nod, the ease, the not having to explain ourselves. I don’t want to lose that, and neither should you.
Celebrate the start of Pride month at the Queer Magic Dance Party at the Black Cat on Saturday, June 6. Doors open at 9 p.m.
There will be pole performances and demonstrations, a free photo booth with glitter bar, a queer vendor market, tarot readings by Skye Marinda Tarot, a drag performance by Sapphica, and dancing to a blend of smooth R&B, Afrobeats, hip-hop and pop by Slammer & Saba. Tickets are $20 at the door or $15 (plus fees) in advance, purchased here.
Bars & Parties
Here’s where to watch ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ with fellow fans
Entertainers TrevHER and Grey host event with live performance
Spark Social Events will host “Ru Paul’s Drag Race S18 Watch Party Hosted by Local Drag Queens” on Friday, Jan. 23 at 8 p.m.
Drag entertainers TrevHER and Grey will provide commentary and make live predictions on who’s staying and who’s going home. Stick around after the show for a live drag performance. The watch party will take place on a heated outdoor patio and cozy indoor space.
This event is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.
-
Afghanistan4 days agoICC unseals arrest warrants for Taliban officials accused of persecuting LGBTQ people, women
-
District of Columbia4 days agoPhysician: addiction doesn’t always look the way you think it does
-
Calendar4 days agoCalendar: October 9-15
-
Opinions3 days agoSolidarity beyond the parade: the actual cost of Pride

