Would you date yourself?

Doesn’t everyone wish they could date me? I’m such a catch.

When was the last time you stood in the mirror and thought, would I date me? If you answered with a “yes,” then mazel tov, and skip to the last line. If you said “no,” or if you’ve never done this before, it may be a good indication of why you are still single. Read on.

It’s important to ask yourself if you would date yourself for many reasons. First, do you rate yourself as a “10?” If so, this might be your first problem. No one is a 10. Brad Pitt and Reese Witherspoon aren’t even “10s.” There’s no sense in calling your best gal pal and asking for her opinion because you won’t get an honest answer out of her either. Take a look inside yourself. Are you really a “six,” looking to date a “10?”

Make sure to set realistic expectations for yourself before you start to consider who might be a good match. Is it time to see a therapist about those childhood issues? (Yes, we all have them.) Is it time to stop eating your feelings and call your personal trainer to shed the extra holiday pounds you packed on? Are your jeans from the late ‘90s (and tapered at the bottom)? Don’t be hard on yourself — be realistic.

Step two in deciding if “you would date you” is examining your faults or your unique qualities. Failure to admit what makes you “you” will only hold you back. Fixing all your flaws isn’t the right answer either.  Accepting who you are is key. If you are a total introvert with a quirky laugh, accept it. If you are an extrovert who stands on tables to tell a joke to a crowd everywhere you go, own it. In other words, when you are dating with intent, you have to know yourself well to help you decide who is a good fit for you. The more honest you can be with your personality, the easier it will be to find someone who complements and accepts the real you.

History repeats itself. (Cliché, we know.) Yep, this is true in relationships too. But let’s take this a step deeper. Do you blame your unsuccessful relationships on an ex partner or bad timing? News flash: relationships are supposed to be 50/50, and so are breakups. Have you learned or changed to better yourself after “Pat” dumped you last year? How many times have you been told by an ex that you’re too passive or too controlling?  Did you hop back on the rebound train? Reflect on the past, acknowledge it and move forward. (Congrats!  You’re one step closer to wanting to date you.)

Lastly, a positive self-image is key. Yes, we just broke you down and told you that you’re actually a 6 and not a 10. But there is someone out there for everyone. Feel good about who you are and what you have to offer a potential partner. Telling yourself that others won’t like you is not only a way of avoiding potential failure or rejection; it is also a way of avoiding potential success. We learn from rejection. Accept your imperfections.  We can only control ourselves and not others. So make the necessary changes, look in the mirror, be true to yourself and say without any doubt, “I would date me!”

Until next time, much love from your favorite dynamic dating gurus: Lala and Lola, Daria and Bret.