September 8, 2011 | by Meghann Novinskie and Kim Rosenberg
Compromise to avoid relationship enders

If there is anyone who thinks relationships are easy, they’re wrong. Maintaining a healthy relationship takes lots of compromise.

This shouldn’t be too daunting of a task because when you care about someone, working to keep the relationship free of issues is something you won’t mind doing. We’ll admit that figuring out when and how often to compromise with your partner is sometimes confusing. Knowing when to throw in the towel is also important to understand. Start with yourself —know your must haves” and “never wants” before entering a relationship. There is a chance that you’ll still have to bend a bit on these issues, but for the most part, you can stick to your guns.

There are a few non-negotiable issues most couples will agree that working on a compromise together will probably be a waste of time. These obvious relationship enders include just about everything that involves your partner treating you poorly emotionally, physically or mentally. Unless your relationship is an open one, cheating usually results in ending the relationship, without talk of compromise.

Another relationship matter that is hard to compromise on is individual social groups. If you don’t like your partner’s buddies, there is a good chance that this group isn’t going anywhere just because you took a liking to their friend. You won’t be able to keep your partner on a leash and with you 24/7. Get out of this relationship and move on. Another reason to run? If (s)he isn’t willing to compromise, on anything, ever. Being inflexible is a quality that is difficult to get on with. Being understanding and adaptable is attractive.

Roll up your sleeves now: Coming to a compromise with your partner on many different levels is hard work. One of the more challenging issues couples face that has to include a little “give and take” is agreeing on how money will be spent in the relationship. The financial piece of partnership is something that typically comes with maturity of a relationship. There is no need to break this down on your third date. You and your partner should agree on distribution of finances in the lifestyle you live together.  It doesn’t matter if there is a discrepancy in income — but there needs to be a mutual understanding of how money is spent because this will cause issues (potentially relationship ending ones) if not explored.

Have you ever loved dating someone but hated her/his family? Again, here’s where you’ve got to do a little dirty work to keep your partner happy. If your partner says it is very important for you to attend dinner at Aunt Marge’s house on Sunday, you should put on a smile and a clean shirt and go. Do you need to go every weekend? Definitely not. Compromise on family visits because they aren’t going anywhere either.

Another common issue in relationships is finding a compromise on time spent together versus being independent. To clarify, in most partnerships, one person enjoys more alone time than the other. Neither way is better than the other — but when communication isn’t direct and open about this, one person can be left feeling hurt that the other person was ignoring them or not prioritizing them.

Compromising with your partner is especially important for the healthy survival of your relationship if you are dating long distance. Be open and understanding to your partner’s needs without ignoring your own. In most long distance relationships, heavy issues such as finances, personal space and family time don’t come up as often. The topics should not be avoided, however, because once you start to live in the same city, you run the risk of a relationship meltdown since personal preferences have been ignored and compromises yet to be agreed upon.

Finding a life partner and being in a fulfilling, loving relationship is hard work and involves a lot of compromising.  Partnerships require balance between both people. Remember that compromising doesn’t have to mean losing control — it means you are taking a proactive approach to understanding you and your partner’s differences.

Follow us on Twitter for more dating and relationship advice: @MegNovinskie @KimRosenbergDC.

 

 

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