Living

Mother’s Day memories

Susan Silber and her adult children reminisce about growing up in a diverse family

Published

15 years ago

May 6, 2010

Susan Silber, a local lesbian attorney, raised two kids in Takoma Park. (Blade photo by Michael Key)

Avi Silber, a 21-year-old college junior in St. Louis, was a little confused growing up. As a kid, he assumed that any two adults who run a household together must be a couple because his moms are lesbians.

He chuckles at the memory now. He thought Bert and Ernie were partners. Same for the three guys on “Full House” and the two aunts on “Sabrina, the Teenage Witch.”

“I don’t remember when I had the realization,” he says. “My best friend next door had straight parents but I didn’t think of parenting as a sexual relationship. I just thought they were roommates who loved each other. So me and my best friend decided to live together when we grew up.”

By now, of course, Avi and his 27-year-old sister Danielle, have it all figured out. And they consider themselves fortunate to have been raised by their moms, Susan Silber and Dana Naparsteck.

Susan, a Takoma Park attorney who specializes in family law and LGBT issues, always knew she wanted to be a mom but didn’t think it was possible.

“I’d always loved working with children,” she says. “I worked at a daycare center in college, I babysat a lot, worked at summer camps. But I just thought it was impossible to come out as a lesbian and also be a mother. So that was very different than this generation that doesn’t see it as much of a challenge anymore, but it did take a really long time to think how I would be able to have children and also be in a relationship with a woman. That took many years and lots of false starts.”

Susan and Dana got together in 1978 and both wanted kids. They moved from Adams Morgan to Takoma Park in 1981 and bought a house. Susan had worked on the first LGBT March on Washington in 1979 and met Billy and his partner Chris. The two couples spent months planning the logistics, then Susan got pregnant on the first try and Danielle was born in 1983. Avi came in 1988.

“I gave birth,” Susan says, “But we were very clear that we would be equal parents and the men were very supportive of that decision. They’ve never been anonymous sperm donors. They were very involved as parental figures.”

The Silbers’ story was never simple, but it got more complicated over the coming years. For a while, another man named Art lived with Chris and Billy. He and his current partner, Mark, also helped raise the kids and Avi and Danielle think of them all as parents.

The women are lesbians. Two of the dads are gay and two are bi. Two are black. Avi is straight. Danielle says although she’s only dated guys she’s not opposed to the possibility of falling in love with a woman and considers herself part of the queer community. Susan and Dana split up about 12 years ago but the whole group gets together a few times a year for family gatherings.

“I had an extremely happy childhood,” Avi says. “It was really nice having such a large group supporting us and it was nice having such a diverse experience and a diverse outlook on different people and different things. I have more than one of everything. I can relate to everyone in some ways because I’ve had such diverse parenting. Oh your dad’s strict? Mine is too. Oh you’re dad was at Woodstock? Mine was too!”

Danielle had a few confusing moments as well. She and her childhood pal Alida were playing house one day at about age 4 and got into a fight over who would be the mom. Susan says Dana went to see what the fuss was about and told them there was no reason why they couldn’t both be the moms.

“I looked at her rather incredulously,” Danielle says. “She said, ‘Well you have two moms.’ I thought, ‘Oh yeah, I do.’ It was the first time it dawned on me that the popular media representation was different from what my own family looked like.”

Danielle and Avi both say there were some minor bumps along the way. In middle school Avi had classmates who used words for his moms he later discovered were epithets. And Danielle remembers minor logistical challenges — like everybody in the class being given supplies to make just one mother’s day card.

“I was incredibly closeted about my family until high school,” Danielle says. “But once I did come out about it, I realized I had a strong enough foundation that it didn’t matter if my parents were gay and we’re a gay family. I had classmates who were incredibly supportive, even celebratory.”

For Susan and Dana, there were bigger hurdles involving insurance and financial matters.

“There were a huge number of these legal and benefits issues,” Susan says. “And huge financial implications when we broke up that would have been different had we been in a straight relationship.”

Susan, 62, says her own parents came a long way in accepting her family over the years. Her father is deceased; her mother lives in North Carolina.

“They evolved enormously over the years and became more and more accepting,” Susan says. “They have been extremely loving grandparents and were extremely accepting of Dana when she was with me, but I do see a huge difference when I go to weddings for my nieces and nephews in the way a whole community sort of embraces a couple. I think that is changing, though.”

Avi and Danielle both say they’ve told their story — even once to Barbara Walters on “20/20” — so many times it’s second nature to them now. Avi calls it “muscle memory.”

“Some of my friends have heard it so many times I just let them tell it now,” he says.

Danielle, who lives in New York City and works on refugee issues, never tires of it but does grow weary of what she calls the “exotification” of her family.

“Because the reality is that all families are interesting and different and have different components and issues and different extended members,” she says. “The real danger is creating a confining structure of what families are.”

How different was it on a practical level? Danielle laughingly says she’s the only person her age who loves raw tofu because it reminds her of her childhood.

She says Susan is a mother who “challenges my brother and I to be the best people we can be and pursue the hobbies and work we love … and to do whatever we can to heal the world.” She calls Dana, who was unavailable for an interview, “incredibly loving” and a mom who “always puts her children first.”

And her fondest family memories have nothing to do with the gay community — they could be lifted from any family photo album.

“Being at Rehoboth and Bethany Beach as a family and we just had so much fun,” Danielle says. “Swimming, playing in the sand, this mechanical horse that we got photos on every year, eating watermelon, boardwalk fries, just lazing around and playing cards. Being a family.”

Real Estate

No Rose, your interest rate has nothing to do with how many likes you got on Hinge

Many factors help determine rates these days

Published

23 hours ago

June 14, 2025

Joseph Hudson

With the rise of interest rates in recent years, buyers must understand the many factors that go into the final number. (Image by HomeStead Digital/Bigstock)

Picture it, you’re sitting in the lunchroom at work, and your coworker just bought a house. Another coworker bought one a few months ago and you hear that she got a totally different interest rate than the other one did, even though they both bought houses not that far from each other. Homebuyers everywhere have been wondering what interest rates they are going to get, lately. It’s easy to read an article online or see an ad on social media stating specific numbers, but there may be more than meets the eye going into a particular buyer’s interest rate.

What are the factors that can affect the interest rate a buyer eventually “locks in”?

Property details – certain properties may be in neighborhoods with higher rates of foreclosure, or there may be specific census tracts that allow a buyer to participate in the “Fannie Mae Home Ready” and “Freddie Mac Home Possible” programs, which carry more flexible requirements such as various income limits and lower interest rates, to help people begin homeownership.
Type of loan / loan amount– a conventional, conforming loan or a jumbo loan can have differing interest rates, as well as FHA loans.
Credit score – most people are aware that this affects what interest rate is quoted, just like on a credit card. Some lenders will work with you on ways to improve a credit score if the goal is to buy six, nine, or 12 months from now.
Lock period – do you want to lock in the rate for 30 days? 45? Market volatility can cause the rates to change so it will cost more money to hold onto a particular interest rate.
Loan to value ratio – one can still buy a home with less than 20% down, but the rate that is quoted may be higher.
Occupancy type – is this the primary residence or an investment property?
Points bought or credits taken – A buyer can pay the lender a fee to buy down the interest rate, or the seller can sometimes offer a credit. This has become more popular in recent years.
Market conditions – keep an eye on the news – as we are all aware, change is the only constant!

Lender Tina del Casale with Atlantic Union Bank says, “With jumbo fixed rates in the low 6’s, and first-time buyer down payment assistance loans such as DC Open Doors, rates are in the mid 7’s. With the added factors of your income, the address you are purchasing and your credit score factoring into the equation, interest rates are different from buyer to buyer these days. So, skip the online tools and make a few calls because that’s the only way to get an accurate quote these days!”

It might feel like an overwhelming amount of information to take on, but remember, there are people that help others take these big steps every day. A trusted lender and Realtor can guide their clients from start to finish when it comes to purchasing a home. And for that, you’ll be saying, “thank you for being a friend!”

Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with Metro Referrals. Reach him at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].

Advice

Stop haranguing your husband about how you think he should behave

Make your point and then move on from the argument

Published

2 days ago

June 13, 2025

Michael Radkowsky

Make your point and move on but don’t insist your significant other sees everything your way. (Photo by TeroVesalainen/Bigstock)

Michael,

My husband is great, but he’s a pushover. It happens at work a lot. For example: His colleague, who came back from maternity leave about four months ago, is always leaving early. And Jeremy is always staying late to finish the jobs that they should be doing together.

But the most galling to me is that he doesn’t speak up for himself in his family. His parents (in my opinion) overtly favor his brother (who is straight) and his brother’s family. I could give a lot of examples. The latest: They’re treating the brother and the family to a cruise.

We’ve been together for 15 years, married for 12, and never get any such treatment.

Jeremy says his brother is strapped for cash (four kids, one income) and the family needs a break, whereas Jeremy doesn’t need his parents to pay for his (or our) vacation. I don’t really want to go on a cruise but it’s the principle of the thing.

Again, this is just one example. I feel bad for Jeremy being walked on, over and over, and I want him to start standing up for himself. Despite my repeated entreaties, he won’t.

When I push him on this, he tells me I’m not seeing the whole picture, or he sees it differently, or it’s not a big deal, or he’s fine with things as they are.

I can’t see how he could be fine with being taken advantage of, or not being appreciated. I think he’d have a much better life if he actually set some boundaries with people.

How do I persuade Jeremy to listen to me and be more assertive?

Michael replies:

Do you see the irony in complaining that you can’t get your husband to listen to you about being more assertive and setting a boundary?

You’ve made your point to Jeremy, repeatedly, and Jeremy is telling you to back off. In other words, he’s assertively setting a boundary with you.

You can’t get someone else to behave in the way you want, even when you’re certain that your way is best. Jeremy gets to decide how he wants to conduct himself.

Here’s a pattern I have noticed over and over again through my years of working with couples: When you try to do something for someone that is their own job to do, both you and the person you are trying to “help” wind up being resentful. You get annoyed that the other person won’t listen to your wonderful advice, and the other person gets annoyed because they don’t want someone else telling them what to do or how to live their life.

In this case, you’re trying to get Jeremy to stand up for himself more than he does, and he’s not interested in changing how he operates.

A great rule for relationships: You can advocate for what you want, but you have to let go of the result. (And advocate sparingly, or you risk being a nag).

You are continuing to argue the same point to Jeremy, and Jeremy isn’t interested in listening to you. As you asked for my advice, here it is: Cut it out before he gets into the resentment stage, if he’s not already there, as you apparently are.

Also, please consider that your repeatedly criticizing Jeremy’s parents where Jeremy sees no problem could damage not only your relationship with Jeremy, but also his and your relationship with his family.

We get to marry the person we marry. We don’t get to insist that they upgrade to a better (at least in our opinion) version. Trying to do so is not just disrespectful and a waste of time, it poisons the relationship.

So find a way to live with Jeremy as he is, or — if you find his acquiescent nature unbearable — leave. But don’t spend the rest of your marriage, or even another day, haranguing him about how you think he should behave.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

Real Estate

The best U.S. cities for LGBTQ homebuyers in 2025

Where strong equality scores, vibrant culture, attainable prices converge

Published

7 days ago

June 8, 2025

Scott Helms

Philadelphia is among cities that rank highest for LGBTQ homebuyers. (Photo by sborisov/Bigstock)

Buying a home has always been a landmark of security and self-expression. For LGBTQ+ people, it can also be a powerful act of claiming space in a country where housing equality is still a work in progress. The good news? This year offers more options—and more protections—than ever. A record-breaking 130 U.S. cities now score a perfect 100 on the Human Rights Campaign’s Municipal Equality Index (MEI), meaning their local laws, services, and political leadership actively protect queer residents, reports.hrc.org. Meanwhile, national housing analysts at Zillow expect only modest price growth this year (about 2.6 percent), giving buyers a little breathing room to shop around.

Below are eight standout markets where strong equality scores, vibrant LGBTQ+ culture, and relatively attainable prices converge. Median sale prices are from March 2025 Zillow data.

1. Minneapolis–St. Paul, MN

Median sale price: $317,500

Twin Cities residents benefit from statewide nondiscrimination laws that explicitly cover sexual orientation and gender identity, a thriving queer arts scene, and dozens of neighborhood Pride celebrations beyond the mega-festival each June. Buyers also appreciate Minnesota’s down-payment assistance programs for first-time and BIPOC purchasers—many LGBTQ+ households qualify.

2. Philadelphia

Median sale price: $227,667

Philly combines East Coast culture with Mid-Atlantic affordability. “Gayborhood” anchors like Giovanni’s Room bookstore mingle with new LGBTQ-owned cafés in Fishtown and South Philly. Pennsylvania added statewide housing protections in 2024, closing the legal gaps that once worried trans and nonbinary buyers.

3. Pittsburgh

Median sale price: $221,667

Don’t let the steel-town stereotype fool you—Pittsburgh’s MEI score is 100, and its real-estate dollar stretches further than in comparable metros. Lawrenceville and Bloomfield have become hubs for queer-owned eateries and co-working spaces, while regional employers in tech and healthcare boast top Corporate Equality Index ratings.

4. Tucson, Ariz.

Median sale price: $328,333

This desert city punches above its weight in LGBTQ+ visibility thanks to the University of Arizona, a nationally ranked Pride parade, and some of the country’s most picturesque outdoor recreation. Arizona’s statewide fair-housing statute now explicitly lists gender identity, giving buyers added recourse if discrimination occurs.

5. Madison, Wisc.

Median sale price: $413,867

Madison blends progressive politics with a top-five public university and a booming tech corridor. Local lenders routinely promote inclusive marketing, and Dane County offers one of the few county-level LGBTQ+ home-ownership programs in the nation, providing up to $10,000 in forgivable assistance for low-to-moderate-income couples.

6. Atlanta

Median sale price: $359,967

The cultural capital of the Southeast delivers queer nightlife, Fortune 500 jobs, and a web of supportive nonprofits such as Lost-n-Found Youth. While Georgia lacks statewide protections, Atlanta’s 100-point MEI score covers public accommodations, contracting, and employer requirements—shielding homebuyers who choose in-town neighborhoods like Midtown or East Point.

7. St. Petersburg, Fla.

Median sale price: $354,667 Yes, Florida’s statewide politics are turbulent, but St. Pete has long held firm on LGBTQ+ equality. The city’s Pride festival draws nearly a million visitors, and local ordinances bar discrimination in housing and public services. Waterfront bungalows in Kenwood and more affordable condos near Uptown give first-time buyers options.

8. Denver

Median sale price: $563,500

Colorado passed some of the nation’s strongest gender identity housing protections in 2024, and Denver’s queer community remains one of the most visible in the Mountain West. Although prices run higher, buyers gain exceptional job growth and one of the country’s largest Gay & Lesbian Chambers of Commerce.

Smart Strategies for LGBTQ+ Buyers & Sellers

1. Build Your Dream Team Early

Work with an equality-focused real-estate pro. The easiest way is to start at GayRealEstate.com, which has screened gay, lesbian, and allied agents in every U.S. market for more than 30 years.
Choose inclusive lenders and inspectors. Ask whether each vendor follows HUD’s 2021 guidance interpreting the Fair Housing Act to cover sexual orientation and gender identity.

2. Know Your Rights—And Limitations

Federal law bars housing bias, but enforcement can lag. Document everything and report issues to HUD, your state civil-rights agency, or Lambda Legal.
In states without full protections, rely on city ordinances (check the MEI) and add explicit nondiscrimination language to your purchase contract.

3. Evaluate Neighborhood Fit

Use local data: crime stats, school ratings, transit, and MEI scores of nearby suburbs.
Spend time in queer-owned cafés, bars, and community centers to gauge true inclusivity.

4. For Sellers: Market With Pride—And Professionalism

Highlight proximity to LGBTQ+ resources (community centers, Pride festivals) in your listing remarks.
Stage neutrally but inclusively—rainbow art is great, but removing personal photos can protect privacy during showings.

The landscape for LGBTQ+ homeowners is evolving fast. By coupling inclusive laws, supportive culture, and attainable prices, cities like Minneapolis, Philadelphia, and Tucson stand out for 2025. No matter where you land, surround yourself with professionals who value every part of your identity. Start your journey at GayRealEstate.com, lean on the resources above, and claim your corner of the American dream—on your own terms, and with pride.

Scott Helms is president and owner of Gayrealestate.com.