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Queery: Heather Mizeur

20 gay questions with the Maryland state delegate

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Maryland State Delegate Heather Mizeur (Blade photo by Michael Key)

Heather Mizeur appears poised for re-election to the Maryland House of Delegates representing the 20th District (Montgomery County) after Tuesday’s primary.

Mizeur, who ran on a platform of broader health care availability, renewable energy production and equal rights for gays, says being openly lesbian has been a political advantage.

“The district overall is overwhelmingly progressive, one of the most progressive in the state,” she says. “That doesn’t mean there aren’t pockets of conservatives, but by and large, it’s really been an asset more than anything else. When I was running in 2006 there were seven of us running for three seats. Two were incumbents, five were challengers. When I was knocking on doors, I heard some people say, ‘You’re all the same on so many of the issues, I’m having a hard time distinguishing.’ Being able to say, ‘Well, I’m a lesbian,’ helped me stand out.”

Mizeur, a 37-year-old Takoma Park resident, grew up in Blue Mound, Ill., and came to Washington in 1994 where she worked in the offices of several Democratic members of Congress. She was Sen. John Kerry’s director of domestic policy from 2003 to 2006. A former Takoma Park City Council member, Mizeur has been in the General Assembly since 2007.

She gained national exposure when she was named a pivotal superdelegate at the 2008 Democratic National Convention in Denver, an episode she remembers with mixed feelings.

“I actually could have done without a lot of the elements of that process,” she says. “I felt there was too much emphasis on the candidates trying to court and recruit from the delegate count rather than running the primary system. … I didn’t think it was my place to pick a side or step in until all the voters had their say.” (She eventually endorsed Obama.)

Mizeur enjoys golf, wine, food, travel and quality time with family and friends in her down time. She and her spouse, Deborah Mizeur, were married in 2005 on the Chesapeake Bay and had a legal ceremony in Napa Valley, Calif., in 2008. They share their home with their dog, Chester.

How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?

I came out in college, in 1993. I was most scared to tell my parents because I feared it would be the first time in my life I was going to disappoint them. We are a very close family and I was always the over-achiever, rule-following child that wanted my parents to be proud of me. I was terrified that this was going to be a wedge in our family. Thankfully, our family bond was stronger than that and after an initial bumpy few weeks, we returned to our regular interactions and my parents could not be more supportive.

Who’s your gay hero?

I don’t often think of people with labels attached, but if pressed, I would have to say Rachel Maddow. She’s done so much to promote issues of importance to our community with a savvy intelligence that resonates with audiences writ large.

What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?

Ha. Well, the question presumes that I have an active nightlife. My preference is to drink really good wine with friends in the comfort of our home. When I choose to go out, though, I like MOVA quite a bit.

Describe your dream gay wedding.

We had our dream gay wedding in 2005, on the western shore of the Chesapeake Bay. Because Maryland hadn’t (and still hasn’t) stepped up to the plate on marriage equality, we borrowed from a Quaker tradition and had everyone in attendance sign an artist’s rendering of our wedding vows. This beautiful marriage license is framed and hanging in our living room. Some day soon we’ll make Maryland respect that and start granting licenses here in the Free State.

What non-gay issue are you most passionate about?

I’ve spent my entire professional career fighting to make sure that everyone in this country has access to affordable, high-quality health care. I’m most proud of laws I sponsored to cover an additional 170,000 Marylanders with health coverage. I’m eager to help Maryland implement federal health reform options in the most meaningful, innovative way possible.

What historical outcome would you change?

The assassinations of JFK, RFK and MLK

What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?

As a kid, it would have to be Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video release and craziness over his album. As an adult, I would say Melissa Etheridge playing the Grammys post-chemo and nailing her parts of the Janis Joplin song with Joss Stone. What an inspiration on how to find your strength to overcome adversity. It still gives me goose bumps.

On what do you insist?

That the toilet paper roll from the top of the roll.

What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?

Musings about missing a mentor who died of breast cancer in 1998. Penny was a state legislator in Illinois. Her niece recently contacted me to tell me she has been following my work in Maryland and that her aunt would have been proud. Caught me off guard. Made me cry. Felt like sharing the story with my friends – especially the ones from Illinois that also knew and admired her.

If your life were a book, what would the title be?

“Just a Small Town Girl”

If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?

Wake up, check my email, walk the dog, read the newspaper, eat breakfast, work, have lunch, go to a meeting, work, walk the dog, eat dinner, work, watch Rachel Maddow, kiss my wife goodnight, sleep. Repeat.

What do you believe in beyond the physical world?

By and large, traditional Catholic teachings. But in James’ Epistle, he says, “Faith without works is dead.” I believe we have to work in the here and now to create our heaven, our peace, our community and our relationship with our Creator.

What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?

Our community is as diverse as America and it will take all of us to win. So everyone take a deep breath, remember what we’re fighting for and work together.

What would you walk across hot coals for?

My wife.

What gay stereotype annoys you most?

How can you choose? They’re all so reductive.

What’s your favorite gay movie?

“Boys Don’t Cry” and “The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls In Love.”

What’s the most overrated social custom?

Registering for wedding gifts when you’re both already two adults that own everything.

What trophy or prize do you most covet?

Being selected a national Truman Scholar in 1994.

What do you wish you’d known at 18?

I was aware at an early age that the world is much bigger than any of us, and that learning never stops. But if I had the chance to tell my 18-year-old self anything, it would be a message similar to what many gay teens need to hear – that we’re all going to be OK. Specifically, it would have been nice to know that I will, indeed, marry an amazing woman and my parents will support me and so will my community; and that – gasp – I can even still have a viable chance at serving in elected public office as an openly lesbian candidate.

Why Washington?

It’s where political addicts live. It’s where you meet other people that want to make our country and world a better place.

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Real Estate

The rise of virtual home tours

Adapting to changing consumer preferences in spring real estate

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Looking for a home? Virtual tours hold special benefits for queer buyers.

In today’s dynamic real estate market, the spring season brings not only blooming flowers but also a surge of activity as buyers and sellers alike prepare to make their moves. However, in recent years, there’s been a notable shift in how consumers prefer to explore potential homes: the rise of virtual tours. 

For the LGBTQ community, these virtual experiences offer more than just convenience; they provide accessibility, safety, and inclusivity in the home buying process. 

Gone are the days of spending weekends driving from one open house to another – unless that’s your thing of course, only to find that the property doesn’t quite match expectations. With virtual tours, you can explore every corner of a home from the comfort of your own space – find something interesting? Schedule a showing with any LGBTQ Realtor at GayRealEstate.com.

This is particularly significant for LGBTQ individuals, who may face unique challenges or concerns when attending in-person showings. Whether it’s the ability to discreetly view properties without fear of discrimination or the convenience of touring homes located in LGBTQ-friendly neighborhoods across the country, virtual tours offer a sense of empowerment and control in the home buying process.

Moreover, virtual tours cater to the diverse needs of the LGBTQ community. For couples or families with busy schedules or those living in different cities or states, these digital walkthroughs provide a convenient way to view properties together without the need for extensive travel. Additionally, for individuals who may be exploring their gender identity or transitioning, virtual tours offer a low-pressure environment to explore potential living spaces without the added stress of in-person interactions.

At GayRealEstate.com, we understand the importance of adapting to changing consumer preferences and leveraging technology to better serve our community. That’s why our agents offer an extensive selection of virtual tours for LGBTQ individuals and allies alike – visit our website, choose an agent and within minutes you’ll have access to the Multiple Listing Service (MLS) via their website.

From cozy condominiums in bustling urban centers to sprawling estates in picturesque suburbs, virtual tours showcase a wide range of properties tailored to diverse tastes and lifestyles.

In addition to virtual tours, GayRealEstate.com provides comprehensive resources and support to guide LGBTQ buyers and sellers through every step of the real estate journey. Our network of LGBTQ-friendly agents is committed to providing personalized service, advocacy, and representation to ensure that all individuals feel respected, valued, and empowered throughout the process. Plus, we are happy to provide a free relocation kit to any city in the USA or Canada if you are a home buyer.

As we embrace the spring season and all the opportunities it brings in the real estate market, let’s also celebrate the power of virtual tours to revolutionize the way we find and experience our future homes. Whether you’re searching for your first apartment, forever home, or investment property, GayRealEstate.com is here to help you navigate the exciting world of real estate with confidence, pride, and inclusivity.

Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at [email protected].

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Advice

Should I divorce my husband for the hot new guy in our building?

Debating whether to leave or stay after the sex goes cold

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Dear Michael,

I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and the sex is pretty much gone. It stopped being exciting a long time ago and pretty much the only time we ever do it is with the occasional third.

A really hot guy moved into our building about a year ago. We would see each other sometimes in the elevator or at our building’s gym and we started talking and really hit it off. Mark is 15 years younger than I but we seem to have a lot in common. We started hooking up and the sex is amazing.

I haven’t told my husband because it’s breaking our rule about no repeats. I have to say that the secrecy is hot. It’s kind of a thrill to take the elevator upstairs when I say I’m going on an errand. But it’s more than that. I have a connection with Mark that is far more amazing than what I have ever felt with my husband. Not just the sex. We just enjoy being together, talking about anything and everything.

My husband went to visit his family last weekend and I spent the whole time with Mark. Since then I can’t stop thinking that I want to leave my husband and be with Mark.

Part of me thinks this is a crazy mid-life crisis. I mean, this kid’s in a totally different place in life. But we have mind-blowing sex and a fantastic connection. I’d like your thoughts on how to proceed.

Michael replies: 

You’ve got a lot to consider.

First: Sex with a long-term partner changes over time. It tends to be less about erotic heat and more about the connection with a person whom you love. In other words, it’s being with the person you’re with that makes the sex meaningful and even great. Having a good sexual relationship with a long-term partner comes far more from a heart connection than from a crotch attachment.  

Second: You seem ready to throw your relationship under the bus pretty quickly, without addressing other problems in the relationship besides sex. When you are sneaking around, lying, and rule-breaking , I don’t see how you can look your husband in the eye; and if you can’t look him in the eye, you certainly can’t have even a half-way decent relationship.

Yet another point to consider: Affairs pretty much always seem more exciting than marriage. The partner is new, which almost automatically makes the sex hotter; the secrecy is a thrill; and you don’t have to deal with paying the rent, house chores, and all the petty annoyances of living up-close with someone day-in, day-out.  

You are bringing lots of energy to your affair, and everything about it is exciting. You are bringing no energy — at least no positive energy — to your marriage. You get what you put into a relationship.

Divorce is not something that should be entered into lightly. Be aware that if you leave your husband for Mark, you will no doubt find over time that the sex becomes less exciting and that the connection is not always fantastic. No surprise, 75 percent of marriages that begin with affair partners end in divorce. While I don’t think statistics predict what will happen to any particular couple, believing that you will have a significantly better relationship with your affair partner than you did with your husband sets you up for likely disappointment.

Many gay men focus on “hot sex” as the big draw, pursuing a lot of sex with a lot of men, and/or pursuing an ongoing series of relationships that last until the sex cools. If that’s what you want, that’s fine. But it’s a different path from pursuing a close and loving long-term relationship, which involves knowing someone well and having him know you well; collaborating on getting through the hard stuff life throws at us; finding ways to make peace with disappointment; and consistently striving to be someone worth being married to. 

How to proceed? While you are the only person who should make that decision, I would suggest that whatever your choice, keep in mind that marriage can be more than what you’ve made of it, so far.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

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Autos

Sport haulers: Jeep Grand Cherokee, Mercedes GLE-Class

Updated cabins, adept handling, and more

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Jeep Grand Cherokee

Now that March Madness and the Masters are over, it’s time for, well, everything else. For my husband and me, this means water sports, as in kayaks and rowing sculls, which is why we trekked to the Potomac for the George Washington Invitational regatta last weekend. 

Alas, high winds splashed cold water on the event, canceling much of it. But there was still plenty of spirited camaraderie to rival “The Boys in the Boat.” 

And I was reminded of my time years ago as a rower with D.C. Strokes, ferrying teammates to races up and down the East Coast. Back then my ride was a dated, rather cramped four-door sedan. 

If only we could have paddled around in a sporty SUV like the two reviewed here. Now that would have been some smooth sailing (wink-wink). 

JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE 

$40,000

MPG: 19 city/26 highway

0 to 60 mph: 7.5 seconds

Maximum cargo room: 37.7 cu. ft. 

PROS: Updated cabin, adept handling, strong towing 

CONS: So-so gas mileage, no third row, pricey trim levels

IN A NUTSHELL: Rough, tough and buff. It’s doesn’t get much more butch than a Jeep. This year’s Grand Cherokee is no exception, with rugged looks, expert off-road capability and better-than-average towing capacity of 6,200 pounds. 

There are a dizzying number of trim levels—more than a dozen—starting with the barebones base-model Laredo at an affordable $40,000. The lineup tops out with the Summit Reserve 4xe PHEV, which is almost twice the price at $76,000 and one of various plug-in hybrid versions available. Those plug-in hybrids can drive up to 25 miles on all-electric power before the four-cylinder gas engine kicks in. Otherwise, you can choose from a standard V6 or V8. Gas mileage on all trim levels is basically the same as the competition. 

Where the Grand Cherokee really shines is in the handling. More refined than a Wrangler but less lavish than a Land Rover, this Jeep maneuvers just as well on city streets and highways as it does on bumpier terrain.    

I tested the mid-range and mid-priced Overland, which comes standard with four-wheel drive and large 20-inch wheels. It also boasts a slew of niceties, such as quilted upholstery, panoramic sunroof and high-tech digital displays. These include a 10.25-inch infotainment touchscreen and rear-seat entertainment system. 

The nine-speaker Alpine stereo, designed specifically for the Grand Cherokee, is pleasing. But I really wanted to hear the boffo 19-speaker McIntosh surround-sound system that Jeep also offers. Sigh, it’s only available on the premium Summit trim level. 

MERCEDES GLE-CLASS

$64,000 

MPG: 20 city/25 highway

0 to 60 mph: 6.6 seconds

Maximum cargo room: 33.3 cu. ft. 

PROS: Lush interior, silky-smooth suspension, speedy 

CONS: Some confusing electronics, tight third row, many competitors

IN A NUTSHELL: For a more high-class hauler, there’s the Mercedes GLE-Class. This midsize SUV is similar in size to the Jeep Grand Cherokee. But instead of seating five passengers, the GLE can carry up to seven. Sure, legroom in the optional third row may be tight for taller travelers, but it’s perfect for a cocky cockswain or two. 

Six trim levels, ranging from the base-model GLE 350 to two high-performance AMG models. For eco-conscious buyers, the GLE 450e plug-in hybrid arrived earlier this year and can run on battery power alone for almost 60 miles. 

My test car was the top-of-the-line AMG 63 S 4Matic, a head-turner in every way. Priced at a whopping $127,000, this GLE looks best in glossy black with the Night Package, which includes tasteful jet-black exterior accents and matte-black wheels. To complete the Darth Vader effect, there’s a deep, menacing exhaust rumble that’s downright threatening.

You expect such a ride to be wicked fast, and it is: 0 to 60 mph in a blistering 3.7 seconds. Yet the carbon ceramic brakes with their devil-red calipers are equally impressive in slowing things down quickly. 

Inside, each GLE comes with two large digital displays on the elegantly sculpted dashboard. My favorite feature is the “Hey Mercedes” digital assistant, which responds to voice commands such as opening or closing the sunroof, operating the infotainment system or activating the climate controls. 

It’s hard to find sport seats that are more comfortable, especially with the heavenly massage function (though those massage controls could be a bit more user-friendly.) For AMG models, the seats come with red-contrasting stitching and red seatbelts—a nod to the devilish demeanor under the hood.

Considering all the SUVs available in showrooms, few make quite the splash of a GLE.

Mercedes GLE-Class
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