Arts & Entertainment
Not so cut and dried
San Francisco-based author writes of gender struggles
‘Nina Here nor There: My Journey Beyond Gender’
Nick Krieger
Beacon Press
202 pages
$15
Author Nick Krieger. (Photo by Melinda Bagatelos; courtesy of Beacon Press)
You’ve always hated your nose.
It sticks out too much. Or it’s too small. Or your ears make you look like you’re part elephant. Or your lips are too pouty, your thighs too big, your arms too fat, you hate your butt.
You can change all of the above and then some.
But would you have the courage to alter the very things that define you to the rest of society? In the new book “Nina Here nor There” by Nick Krieger, you’ll see why one young man did.
When writer-blogger Nina Krieger landed in San Francisco’s Castro district, she felt welcomed.
Her lesbian friends, the “A-gays,” folded her into their circle with parties. Old pals were glad to see Krieger and she was glad to find an apartment with roommates she could tolerate. She even found a job that allowed her to continue writing.
But Kreiger wasn’t happy. For years, she’d struggled with gender identity: she was not a lesbian, not exactly a woman but yet – she was. Being in The Castro gave her hope, though, and unwittingly, she had surrounded herself with people who could give her guidance.
Greg, with his newly flat chest and eagerness for life, was willing to share his experiences with surgery and testosterone shots. Jess, one of Kreiger’s roommates, was transitioning and taught Kreiger about “packing” and binding. Zippy, a long-time friend, gave optimistic support.
“Before moving to the Castro, I’d thought becoming a man was as realistic as growing wings,” Kreiger writes.
But living “with her community” gave Kreiger the courage to try. Deciding that breasts were the worst part of who she was, Kreiger bought minimizers and purchased the other body parts she lacked. Little by little, she allowed her family careful peeks into the person she knew herself to be. She “convinced” herself that she belonged, yet she was uneasy. What exists between girl and boy?
“I didn’t fully relate to either anymore,” Kreiger writes.
Despite a fear of needles, unfazed by a list of realities and heartbroken by a paternal lack of understanding, Kreiger knew she had to find out.
“Nina Here nor There” is a bit of a conundrum. On one side, author Nick Kreiger takes his readers by the hand, allowing us to see what he sees. As Kreiger explores the gender spectrum, we do too. At the same time he’s seeing the blurred lines of woman and not-woman, we see it as well. The journey is a good one, shared.
Toward the end of the book, one begins to relate to the frustration the author is feeling as we, too, yearn for resolution. Continuing becomes a bit of a struggle as we begin to relate to the push-pull Kreiger feels. Arriving at the denouement comes as a relief. The book is a captivating fresh take on the fluidity of gender to which many LGBTs will relate.
Celebrity News
Perez Hilton’s live breakdown reveals social media mental health crisis
Blogger hospitalized after harming himself online
Fans were shocked to witness former celebrity blogger Mario Lavandeira, aka Perez Hilton’s, epic crashout on social media. While on TikTok Live, he was harming himself with what appears to be a metal chef-grade spreader. There was blood, gore, and a cry for help that broke the internet.
Police from Miami-Dade County were called to the scene; he has been hospitalized. The fact that this traumatic incident was broadcast on TikTok brought up the topic of moderation. Hilton’s account has since been banned from TikTok, but by now the cat is out of the bag, and the clip is circulating online.
It’s hard not to reflect on how Hilton both represents a major turning point in Internet culture, and this incident may be a warning of its potential end. A statement on his blog from his representatives confirms that his family was on the scene minutes before the incident but quickly fled to protect his children and niece from any future trauma.
Hilton’s agent, Dante Rusciolelli, told Us Weekly in a statement. “Our focus remains on Perez’s health, recovery, and the privacy of both him and his family during this incredibly difficult time … We respectfully ask that everyone continue to honor his privacy while he receives the care he needs.”
A recurring theme on social media is that Hilton, at the height of his fame and media reach, would not respect the privacy of any celebrity. After all, he was one of the regular outlets covering Britney Spears’s famous shaved-head meltdown and part of the “Leave Britney Alone” mythos.
A bit of background
Before Hilton, there were celebrities famous for being famous like Angelyne and Paris Hilton. However, some may say he was the first to monetize it. From his laptop at a coffee shop, he galvanized the Internet by skewering celebrities.
Nothing was off limits. He outed celebrities like Neil Patrick Harris, Clay Aiken, and Lance Bass. He spoiled the finale of season 3 of “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” and he posted celebrity nudes, including up-skirt photos of teen starlets like Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and Lindsay Lohan, the same young women he also cyber-bullied.
Times have changed, and despite his many attempts to rehab his image, including having children, publicly apologizing, and even finding God, nothing brought him back to the public eye. He was recently hospitalized for sepsis and claims to have reflected on his behavior in the past.
This incident really shines a light on the intersection of mental health and fame in this country. In a post-Kardashian world, being a celebrity is not about talent or professional accolades. It has become about how you can increase your follower count. Whether it is stretching out Marilyn Monroe’s dress, becoming a Black Nazi like Kanye West, or even becoming President, it’s about how you can shock, awe, and find your base.
Los Angeles is a city that lives and dies by television and movies, but social media has shifted how this business works. People are cast from large social media followings. People who do manage to build a following face some of the darker aspects of fame. Whether it’s Chappell Roan’s beef with paparazzi and fans, or Hudson Williams and Connor Storrie having to ask for privacy and respect for their humanity, even if you reach the level of fame, it’s not all roses.
Add to this the fact that this is all tied to social media. Your fame is quantified by the number of followers, likes, and page views, while people are found in a negative feedback loop of dopamine addiction, clout chasing, and pushing themselves further to find more followers.
On Aug. 1, Floridian influencer Whitney Lynn was thrown off a flight claiming spiritual warfare when she was disrupting the flight by proselytizing. Was she doing this for social media follows? The Internet is now rampant with people causing scenes in planes, staging pranks and scenarios, and violating people’s privacy all in the pursuit of attention.
Hopefully Hilton finds the help he needs. This entire incident has called into question the entirety of internet culture. Who is responsible for the trauma that people inflict on other people? At what point do we intercede in Internet use before people have no other recourse but to harm themselves on live? And at what point does the toxic energy we put onto the net bounce back to us?
Similar to Hilton, Wendy Williams faced her own crisis, and maybe she put it best: “I would ask you to respect our privacy, but please, I don’t respect people’s privacy; that’s why I do the Hot Topics. So turnabout is fair game.”
If you know anyone struggling with self-harm, text CONNECT to 741741 for free confidential support or dial 988 for the suicide and crisis helpline.
Mr. Henry’s Victorian Pub will host a gala celebrating its 60th anniversary on Saturday, Aug. 29 at 7 p.m.
There will be signature cocktails, beer and wine; plentiful throwback hors d’oeuvres, three live bands and a cocktail attire red carpet.
Tickets start at $50 and can be purchased at mrhenrysdc.com.
Friday, August 7
Go Gay DC will host “First Friday LGBTQ+ Community Social” at 7 p.m. at Silver Diner Balston. This is a chance to relax, make new friends, and enjoy happy hour specials at this classic retro venue. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.
Saturday, August 8
Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Community Brunch” at 11 a.m. at Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant. This fun weekly event brings the DMV area LGBTQ+ community, including allies, together for delicious food and conversation. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.
The DC LGBTQ+ Community Center will host “RA Xtra: Manhood” at 1:30 p.m. “MANHOOD” follows Dallas entrepreneur Bill Moore as he attempts to make penis enlargement as commonplace as Botox. Along the way, an OnlyFans star and a father of five put their bodies—and their insecurities—on the line. Blending dark humor with unexpected empathy, MANHOOD examines shame, addiction, and the fragile myths of American masculinity. More details are available on the DC LGBTQ+ Community Center’s website.
Sunday, August 9
“Nellie’s DC Drag Brunch” will be at 12 p.m. at Nellie’s Sports Bar. Come get served like a queen by a queen at this unforgettable Drag Brunch. Join Sapphire Blue, Deja Diamond and their team of amazing drag performers for the most fun you’ll have all weekend. Tickets are $58.51 and are available on Eventbrite.
Monday, August 10
“Center Aging: Monday Coffee Klatch” will be at 10 a.m. on Zoom. This is a social hour for older LGBTQ+ adults. Guests are encouraged to bring a beverage of choice. For more information, contact Adam ([email protected]).
Genderqueer DC will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a support group for people who identify outside of the gender binary, whether you’re bigender, agender, genderfluid, or just know that you’re not 100% cis. For more details, visit genderqueerdc.org or Facebook.
Tuesday, August 11
Trans Discussion Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This event is intended to provide an emotionally and physically safe space for trans people and those who may be questioning their gender identity/expression to join together in community and learn from one another. For more details, email [email protected].
Wednesday, August 12
Job Club will be at 6 p.m. on Zoom upon request. This is a weekly job support program to help job entrants and seekers, including the long-term unemployed, improve self-confidence, motivation, resilience and productivity for effective job searches and networking — allowing participants to move away from being merely “applicants” toward being “candidates.” For more information, email [email protected] or visit thedccenter.org/careers.
Thursday, August 13
The DC LGBTQ+ Community Center’s Fresh Produce Program will be held all day at the DC LGBTQ+ Community Center. People will be informed on Wednesday at 5 p.m. if they are picked to receive a produce box. No proof of residency or income is required. For more information, email [email protected] or call 202-682-2245.
Virtual Yoga Class will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This free weekly class is a combination of yoga, breathwork and meditation that allows LGBTQ+ community members to continue their healing journey with somatic and mindfulness practices. For more details, visit the DC LGBTQ+ Community Center’s website.
Perez Hilton’s live breakdown reveals social media mental health crisis
Mr. Henry’s to host 60th anniversary party
Calendar: August 7-13
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