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A ‘seriously’ funny read

DeGeneres offers treasure trove of humor in book

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‘Seriously… I’m Kidding’
By Ellen DeGeneres
Grand Central Publishing
$26.99
241 pages

 

Sometimes it’s hard not to laugh but it’s easy to do it when you read “Seriously… I’m Kidding” by Ellen DeGeneres.

“As it turns out, writing a book is hard,” DeGeneres writes.

This is her third book, each one sharing the “…” in the title. She didn’t think writing it would be difficult because, after all, she has a lot to say every day for at least an hour. There’s a lot of talking on a talk show, you know.

There’s a lot of listening, too, and daydreaming is not allowed. DeGeneres listens to many famous people and one of her favorites is Portia de Rossi, who is “beautiful and one of the nicest people [DeGeneres has] ever met.”  Fortunately, a letter from a genealogical society said that she and de Rossi are related. By marriage.

Meaning, they’re married.

And in answer to nosy people, no, they aren’t planning on having a family because “there is far too much glass” in their house. Besides, first you have to give birth.

“I won’t go into specifics,” says DeGeneres, “but ouch and no thank you.”

Now then, just in case you’re thinking that this book is all fluff, you’ll also find useful advice in these pages.

DeGeneres gives readers hints on being a supermodel and how to know what clothes will come back in fashion. She writes about polls and why people shouldn’t put too much faith in them. She offers several ways to gamble while in Las Vegas, she gives kudos to funny women who’ve paved the way for people like her, and you’ll find some impressively big words in this book.

But will you find laughs?

Yes… but.

Yes. “Seriously… I’m Kidding” is seriously funny. Reading it is like a 241-page monologue in your lap. Author and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres is as good in this book as she is on-stage, and DeGeneres’ wicked wit beams bright from almost each page.  Some of her lines practically beg you to call your mother and share aloud.

But wait. Did you notice I said “almost”?

But there are times when this book dives below silliness. An entire page devoted to sound effects? Four pages of drawings for your child to color? Seriously? Jokes like these and a few go-nowhere “short stories” may leave readers scratching their heads. Fortunately, the fall-flats are few, but still …

But still, if you’re a fan of DeGeneres’ talk show or stage performance, you’ll find a treasure-trove of classic humor that you won’t want to be without. For you, “Seriously… I’m Kidding” will be a hard book to miss.

 

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Theater

D.C. summer theater offers something for every taste

From family fare to ‘Brontë Sister House Party’

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Sabrina Mandell and Alex Vernon in Happenstance Theatre's production of ‘Adrift: A Medieval Wayward Folly.’ (Photo by Leah Huete)

Staycation doesn’t preclude time travel.

For instance, Happenstance Theater’s production of “Adrift: A Medieval Wayward Folly” now playing at Round House Theatre in Bethesda invites audiences to go somewhere familiar but far from home. 

A timely piece of theater, “Adrift” takes place shortly after an apocalypse, prompting a group of seafaring fools to ask “What do we do now?” 

What ensues is a gorgeously lit glimpse into the dark ages bursting with slapstick comedy and high art. Characters and mise-en-scène are inspired by the late Middle Ages/early Renaissance paintings of Hieronymus Bosch, and archetypes from the Tarot. Bosch’s surreal heaven and hellscapes are brought to life with music, devised and existing text, puppetry, and movement.

Sabrina Mandell, Happenstance’s charming co-artistic director and bona fide “visionary tornado” describes Happenstance, now marking its twentieth anniversary season, as small and agile, more interested in sustainability than growth. “It’s served us well. Our goal has never been to own a building,” she adds.

Over the years, the company has fostered an ensemble (Mandell, co-artistic director Mark Jaster, Gwen Grastorf, Sarah Olmsted Thomas, and Alex Vernon), an immensely creative team. In addition to performing, each member contributes in various ways: puppet making, social media, props, etc.

They play off each other endlessly. (“Sort of like the Carol Burnett Show only different?” I ask.  “Exactly.” she agrees. They’ve been through a lot and have formed common vocabulary. Nostalgia buffs, they enjoy old films, art movements, and historical eras. The vibe is eccentric and there’s a bit of queer sensibility.

The two-time Helen Hayes Award winner for costume design, does it all — props and costumes and marketing. In “Adrift,” she plays both the oracle and a crone. 

Mandell was born on the coast of Nova Scotia, Canada, the daughter of artists, and later lived in Montreal. As a young woman, she worked on schooners. For Mandell, it’s been a magical life filled with visuals marvels, she says. 

When Happenstance begins rehearsal, there’s no fixed script: “We choose a territory and everyone does a deep dive. I’m interested in alchemy, the Tarot, mortality, and the Shaministic roots of theater. All of which are well represented in this production.” 

The experience is also immersive. Audiences are encouraged to pose questions to the oracle. Much is whimsical, and in true Medieval fashion the 85-minute show is not without a hellmouth (the jaws of hell) and plenty of demons. Happenstancetheater.org 

For staycationing kids, there’s “Pete the Cat: A Live Rock Musical” (through Aug. 2) at Imagination Stage in Bethesda. Follow Pete (played by Michael Perrie Jr.) and the Biddle family as they rock out in a fast-paced, globe-trotting musical based on the massively popular children’s book series. Imaginationstage.org

There’s more family theater at Glen Echo Park in Maryland. Adventure Theatre MTC puts a spin on beloved fairytale with “Sleeping Beauty: The Time Traveler” (through Aug. 9). A humdrum summer changes when a young Rolly (Carl L. Williams) is whisked back in time to the Age of Charlemagne where he meets Aurora (Chelsea Majors), a bold 12-year-old princess with dreams of knighthood and adventure beyond her castle walls. (Chelsea Majors). Adventuretheatre-mtc.org

Also at Glen Echo Park, The Puppet Co. presents “The Three Billy Goats Gruff” (through Aug. 23), ideal for kids 4+ and puppet aficionados of all ages. Thepuppetco.org 

Broadway at the National on Pennsylvania Avenue presents “The Notebook” (through Aug. 30). Based on Nicholas Sparks’s best-selling novel that inspired the successful film, this romantic musical tells the story of unlikely couple Allie and Noah, who against all odds (hardship, separation, and Alzheimer’s disease) share a lifetime of love. Broadwayatthenational.com 

In Vienna, Va., Wolf Trap takes you to Rome circa 1800 with Puccini’s “Tosca” (Aug. 4) presented by Wolf Trap Opera, in collaboration with the Washington National Opera Orchestra. 

Following Puccini it’s a magical summer night with Diana Ross (Aug. 19). Expect to hear the superstar and two-time Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award winner perform many of her iconic hits including “I’m Coming Out,” “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough,” “Stop in the Name of Love” and more. Wolftrap.org 

Nu Sass, a company that promotes marginalized genders in all aspects of theater, presents Courtney Bailey’s “Brontë Sister House Party” (Aug. 14-Sept. 12) at Van Ness on Main Street (4340 Connecticut Ave., NW). In life, the Brontë Sisters, Emily, Charlotte, and Anne, wrote their 19th century English lit classics in the virtual isolation of their father’s remote York parsonage. Now, stuck in purgatory, they’re suffering through party after party in an endless time loop. For them, hosting is truly hell, until they finally find a way to make it tolerable. Nusass.com

At Olney Theatre Center it’s “A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder” (through Aug. 23), a Tony Award–winning musical farce about murder, manners, and money starring out actor Tom Story as all seven members of the rich, ill-fated D’Ysquith family. This fast-paced comedy promises to be a good time.

The Olney Outdoors summer series (Aug. 9-Sept. 12) also at the ⁠Olney Theatre Center features tribute bands, cabaret-style performances, comedy, drag, and family sing-alongs on the open-air Root Family Stage. Among the transportive tribute bands are “Space Oddity – The Ultimate David Brighton Bowie Experience” (Aug. 28) and for Labor Day weekend, it’s “Almost Queen” (Sept. 5) with Joseph Russo playing the band’s front man and queer icon Freddie Mercury. Olneytheatre.org 

Signature Theatre in Arlington presents “Respect: Aretha Franklin” (Aug. 11-30), a musical tribute celebrating the Queen of Soul starring powerhouse performer Nova Y. Payton. Not to be missed. Sigtheatre.org  

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Movies

‘Into the Grey’ unites Cavill, Gyllenhaal for thrills and gay love

Did studio sabotage film’s release because of queer plot?

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Jake Gyllenhaal and Henry Cavill star in ‘Into the Grey.’ (Photo courtesy of Black Bear International)

What if they released the LGBTQ-themed action movie we’ve all been waiting for and they didn’t bother to tell us?

It’s a rhetorical question, really, because we already know the answer, and it can be found between the lines in the distribution-and-release history of “In the Grey,” a typically slick and cynical “caper thriller” from veteran filmmaker (and former Madonna husband) Guy Ritchie, which is now available on VOD platforms after a perfunctory theatrical opening in May.

Like almost all of Ritchie’s films, it’s fast-paced, clever, and full of surprises, some of which have to do with the plot, but most of all involve its characters – who, also in the tradition of Ritchie’s former work, inhabit a rarified world in which confidence, bravado, and stoic humor define the moral environment while something else (call it “fate” or “karma” or simply “the consequence of choices”) works behind the scenes to deliver a conclusion that satisfies our jaded sense of justice even as it fairly drips with irony. Also like most of Ritchie’s films, it succeeds in sucking us into its plotting while drawing a clear line between the “good guys” (i.e. the ones who are ostensibly working toward an equitable outcome, if not a moral high ground) and the out-of-balance despotism of a weighted power hierarchy that defines the shadowy status quo of human endeavor.

The caper in question is being run by Rachel Wild (Eiza Gonzalez), an elite lawyer who specializes in retrieving funds owed to high-finance “asset management” firms by wealthy clients, whose latest case puts her into a showdown with ruthless crime boss Manny Salazar (Carlos Bardem) over a billion-dollar debt. She’s elite for a reason, though; she’s backed up by her own small militia of “fixers” headed by trusted “extralegal” operatives Bronco and Sid (Jake Gyllenhaal and Henry Cavill, respectively), who are more than capable of carrying out her plans and have no intention of allowing Salazar to gain the upper hand. The plan involves blocking and handicapping his operations until he is forced to return the money; but when their powerful quarry decides to make things personal by going after Rachel in retaliation, it’s up to her loyal protectors (and their highly skilled team) to keep her safe.

Crafted by Ritchie with his usual blend of intricate plotting, jocular amorality, and shocking violence, it’s also a movie that fairly oozes testosterone; yes, there’s a smart and powerful woman at the center of it all, but she’s got as much (or more) macho swagger as anybody else so the effect is just the same. In fact, there’s a lot of hyper-masculine posturing, attitude, and tough talk that goes on all around, most of it delivered with that jocularity we mentioned. Action, naturally, is key to the formula, and “In the Grey” ramps it up to near orgiastic levels with an escalating collection of high-octane set pieces – chases, gunfights, explosions, zip-lining – all carefully spelled out ahead of time for us, point for point, in expository detail so that we can keep up with them as they unfold. It’s a movie about planning and strategy as much as anything else, and it wants to make sure we’re all prepped and ready for “go time.”

As for feelings, in a film like this, you might just think they don’t matter and leave it at that – but that’s not entirely true. Almost hidden in the middle of all this morally murky bluster and bravado is an unexpected angle, and it lends a touch of tenderness to the whole thing that somehow ends up being essential.

The movie takes pains to create a slow reveal, so it feels like a spoiler (consider this your warning) to say it, but underneath all the non-stop action there’s a love story going on, and it’s between the two leading men. We’re not sure at first, though the jovial banter between Cavill and Gyllenhaal has a distinct “romcom” vibe from the beginning, but as the movie goes on it gradually becomes clear that they are, in fact, a couple.

Perhaps not surprisingly, there was no mention of the nature of their relationship in any of the film’s publicity; the studio (Lionsgate) delayed release for months and eventually gave up distribution rights to Black Bear International. When it hit theaters, it finished ninth at the box office; even the popularity of its two stars was not enough to make up for the lack of push that accompanied its release. Does all of this suggest that the studio scuttled their own movie just because of the “gay angle” and the reaction it might get in today’s environment?  It’s hard not to speculate on that possibility, but either way, those two characters are gay.

Does it matter to the plot? Not really; there’s no lovestruck romance here – these guys have obviously been together a long time, and they carry the comfortable familiarity to prove it – nor is there even a kiss. It’s just a layer to their characters, a nuance that offers a glimpse of relatable, everyday humanity in a plot where almost everything else is bombast. Importantly, it also raises the stakes for the audience; knowing they are together gives us a reason to root for them beyond simple “good guy/bad guy” dynamic (which is complicated in a movie where both sides are trying to gun each other down mercilessly), and while we might not be so invested in the film’s overarching plot – do we really care if a venture capital corporation gets its money back from the murderous gangster they lent it to in the first place? – we can at least hope that these two handsome mercenaries will be able to go home to their cats together at the end.

As for the acting, this is not a film that demands anything more subtle than broad strokes from its players, but Cavill and Gyllenhaal, given such rich possibilities for subtext in their otherwise formulaic dialogue, clearly play it up with enthusiasm; they also convey that all-important tenderness – especially Gyllenhaal, who stirs an occasional echo of his “Brokeback Mountain” performance from two decades back. The rest of the cast – with the exception of Fisher Stevens as Salazar’s long-suffering lawyer, and Rosamund Pike as Rachel’s treacherous client – mostly play stock characters, familiar, predictable, and not too deep, but they do it well enough.

All that said, and with or without the gay couple in the middle of it, “In the Grey” is not a very remarkable movie. It’s more clever than smart, and while it benefits from Ritchie’s signature fast-paced, edgy style it sometimes feels repetitive – it’s nothing we haven’t seen before, and even if the setting within the corrupt world of the financial elite might strike a note for some viewers today, it never gets political enough to stir up any kind of fervor.

Cavill and Gyllenhaal, however, are good enough together to make it worth a watch – so why not? After all, brains (and eyes) like candy once in a while, too.

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Calendar

Calendar: July 24-30

LGBTQ events in the days to come

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Friday, July 24

The DC LGBTQ+ Community Center hosts Trans Discussion Group from 7-9 p.m. via Zoom. The Trans Discussion Group is intended to provide an emotionally and physically safe space for trans people and those who may be questioning their gender identity/expression to join together in community and learn from one another. For more details, visit the DC Center’s website

Saturday, July 25

Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Community Brunch” at 11 a.m. at Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant. This fun weekly event brings the DMV area LGBTQ+ community, including allies, together for delicious food and conversation. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

The DC LGBTQ+ Community Center will host Black Lesbian Support Group at 11 a,.m. Join the DC Center and the Beta Kappa Chapter of the Beta Phi Omega Sorority for a peer-led support group devoted to the joys and challenges of being a Black Lesbian. For more details, visit the Center’s website.

Sunday, July 26

“Nellie’s DC Drag Brunch” will be at 12 p.m. at Nellie’s Sports Bar. Come get served like a queen by a queen. Join Sapphire Blue, Deja Diamond and their team of amazing drag performers for the most fun you’ll have all weekend. Tickets are $58.51 and are available on Eventbrite

Monday, July 27

The DC LGBTQ+ Community Center will host Queer Book Club at 6:30 p.m. This month’s selection is “Uncomfortable Labels” by Laura Kate Dale. The meeting will be held via Zoom.Email [email protected]  for details.

Tuesday, July 28

Center Bi+ Roundtable will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is an opportunity for people to gather in order to discuss issues related to bisexuality or as bi individuals in a private setting. Visit Facebook or Meetup for more information.

Wednesday, July 29

Job Club will be at 6 p.m. on Zoom upon request. This is a weekly job support program to help job entrants and seekers, including the long-term unemployed, improve self-confidence, motivation, resilience and productivity for effective job searches and networking — allowing participants to move away from being merely “applicants” toward being “candidates.” For more information, email [email protected] or visit thedccenter.org/careers.

Thursday, July 30

The DC Center’s Fresh Produce Program will be held all day at the DC LGBTQ+ Community Center. People will be informed on Wednesday at 5 p.m. if they are picked to receive a produce box. No proof of residency or income is required. For more information, email [email protected] or call 202-682-2245. 

Virtual Yoga Class will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This free weekly class is a combination of yoga, breath work and meditation that allows LGBTQ+ community members to continue their healing journey with somatic and mindfulness practices. For more details, visit the DC Center’s website.  

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