Arts & Entertainment
The baggage of shame
New edition of gay classic explores closet hangover
‘The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man’s World’
By Alan Downs (second edition, fully revised and updated)
DaCapo Lifelong
$15.99
252 pages, includes index
To out or not to out?
At this point in your life, you’ve made your decision but sometimes, you get a little angry that it’s even an issue. Sometimes that anger really gets you down, enough to make you want to just sit and think — or sit and drink, and that’s not good, either.
(Courtesy DaCapo Lifelong)
You’ve had enough hate flung your way. You’ve had your share of isolation and family problems. So isn’t it time to get your share of love and acceptance? In the completely revised, updated edition of “The Velvet Rage” by Alan Downs, you’ll find a road map for the journey.
Is self-destruction inherent in gay men?
Alan Downs believes so, and he thinks he knows why: shame.
Shame, he says, is the “fear of being unlovable.” It’s “not embarrassment over being gay; it is the belief that being gay is a … symptom of your own mortally flawed psyche.” And perhaps because it’s a “secret [a man] cannot reveal,” it often leads to self-destructive habits including suicide.
Shame starts in childhood.
The first man you loved, says Downs, was your father. If he withheld acceptance, you turned to your mother and were “drawn to the feminine.” This led to a change in family dynamics, which might have taught you to hide “ugly realities” as a means of survival and avoidance, resulting in shame’s accompanying rage.
To live a life of happiness, Downs says, there are three stages that gay men must endure. The first is characterized by being overwhelmed by shame, coping with it by “splitting,” or leading two discordant lives. Splitting helps avoid shame, but leads to a breakdown in relationships and a crisis in identity.
Stage two is marked by compensation for shame and a “belief that there is something fundamentally flawed,” internally. This is where addiction and depression often appear, especially when former validation is no longer enough to “soothe the gay man’s distress.” Resolution of this takes “all gay men” to the next stage.
In stage three, a gay man “seeks a better life for himself.” Old self-destructive behaviors no longer hold interest. Relationship trauma (betrayal, abuse, abandonment and relationship ambivalence) is healed. Joy becomes possible.
Aside from the overgeneralizations, “The Velvet Rage” is pretty good.
The beginning chapters of this book may make readers feel like a bobble-head doll, nodding, nodding, nodding. That’s eerie, because it may be hard not to see yourself in at least some of what author Alan Downs portrays, in fact.
What is most appealing about this book, though, are its last chapters. There, Downs helps readers along with his “Skills for Leading an Authentic Life,” which are good strengths to cultivate, no matter where you are (or are not) on Downs’ continuum.
Meant, perhaps, for a younger man who’s just starting this journey, I also think this book has words of wisdom for older gay men, too. If you’re in search of comfort and a more peaceful life, “The Velvet Rage” is a book to check out.
The fourth annual Equality Prince William Pride was held at the Harris Pavilion in Manassas, Va. on Saturday, May 17.
(Washington Blade photos by Michael Key)
The Washington Blade held its 18th annual Summer Kickoff Party in Rehoboth Beach, Del., on Friday, May 16. Delaware Gov. Matt Meyer spoke along with State Sen. Russ Huxtable, CAMP Rehoboth Executive Director Kim Leisey, Blade Editor Kevin Naff, and Clear Space Theatre Managing Director Joe Gfaller. The event raises funds for the Steve Elkins Memorial Fellowship in Journalism, which was awarded to AU student Abigail Hatting.
(Washington Blade photos by Daniel Truitt)
In some fowl fiction foreshadowing, a gay-owned chicken joint has come home to roost on U Street, taking a page from the chicken window subplot on the HBO show “Looking.”
Last Friday, Lucky Pollo – much more than just a takeout window – stretched its wings atop the busy nightlife corner of 14th and U Streets NW.
Behind the poultry production place is Zach Renovátes, a D.C.-based nightlife operator and managing partner of LGBTQ venues Bunker and District Eagle, as well as the LGBTQ event production company KINETIC Presents.
Renovátes opened Bunker in February 2023 and District Eagle in January of this year. Lucky Pollo is the third in his growing gay empire, though this time there are noshes.
“Lucky Pollo was meant to be fun and a little provocative,” Renovátes said.
Based around its Peruvian-style rotisserie chicken, Lucky Pollo is a quick-service restaurant boasting a small menu of poultry and sides. Renovátes says that the dishes are deeply rooted in Peruvian culinary tradition, “a playful experience alongside seriously good food.”
Lucky Pollo’s signature chicken is steeped in a dozen-plus-spice marinade for 24 hours. The meat is then slow-roasted, rotisserie-style, over oak-wood charcoal. Chicken options include quarter, half, and whole.
Helming the kitchen at Lucky Pollo is Chef Luis Herrera, who brings Peruvian recipes passed down through three generations, including his grandmother Laura’s original creations.
Beyond the full bird, the menu features Peruvian-inspired sides like yuca fries (“I personally love these,” says Renovátes) and fried plantains, as well as comfort classics such as mac and cheese and mashed potatoes, and bowls, wraps, and salads. Herrera oversees development of the multiple sauces (including staff favorite, the “secret green sauce”), crafted in-house using traditional Peruvian ingredients.
Lucky Pollo, in its streetside perch, is an independent concept from District Eagle, open to the public and staying open late (3 a.m. on weekends) to serve both nightlife guests and the wider U Street crowd hungry for late-night bites. However, just beyond the kitchen, tucked in the back lies a vintage 1950s candy machine—labeled “Out of Order,” which serves as the door leading to subterranean District Eagle.
Renovátes notes that when District Eagle is open, security staff will maintain a strict two-line policy, ensuring that those seeking meat to eat will not get entwined with those looking to gain access to District Eagle.
Lucky Pollo unites the need for sustenance with the idea of a bit of fortune, given its motto, “Get Lucky” and the whimsical brand mascot: a leather-booted chicken perched on a horseshoe. Renovátes and his District Eagle business partner had always been interested in opening a restaurant, and the Lucky Pollo space was indeed lucky: It already came with a functional kitchen. Plus, he says, the nearby fast-casual places around 14th and U streets “don’t offer a lot of quality options,” so opening the chicken spot “was a no-brainer.”
The space, designed by NYC creative Jasin Cadic, blends theatrical street-art-style vibes with Keith Haring-inspired wall prints, neon signs, and ceiling-hung chicken figurines —”some edgy, some sweet,” says Renovátes —creating an immersive, playful atmosphere. Lucky Pollo and District Eagle maintain separate amenities for their respective customers.
Lucky Pollo opened last week with a competition to devour a whole rotisserie chicken in the fastest time, with the winner earning $1,000 and a framed spot on the restaurant’s “Wall of Fame.” The opening also featured other games and prizes, and a full crowd spilling out the door.
“We want it to be a great place to eat, but also serve as a playful front for something completely unexpected.” Renovátes says.
On weekends especially, he jokes, the motto will be, ‘Come for the chicken, stay for the cock.’”
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