Living
Labor of love
Md. man remembers late spouse, years of activism
Larry Esser (right) with his late spouse Tom Toth. (Photo courtesy of Larry Esser)
GLEN BURNIE, Md.—Larry Esser was 25 when he met Tom Toth on his first day of work at the old Chessie System’s office in Baltimore in June 1981. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention had just reported the first cases of what later became known as AIDS. Maryland’s anti-sodomy law was still on the books, but Toth, who was 32 years older than Esser, felt it was important to live his life as an openly gay man.
“Tom kind of pursued me, to put it quite bluntly,” Esser tells the Washington Blade during a Dec. 13 interview. “I really liked him, that’s the funny thing. I didn’t feel like he was imposing himself or anything like that … he’s the bravest person I’ve ever met. His personal courage astonished me.”
Esser stressed he “had no idea I was gay” when he met his future spouse. He grew up in what he describes as an “extremely strict Roman Catholic household” in Connecticut where he routinely heard gay people “were probably worse than murderers and they were to be avoided at all costs” and they were “mentally defective.” Esser eventually found himself in a relationship with another man he conceded wasn’t “going anywhere” when Toth finally made his move.
“He was sitting at his desk and he was singing,” Esser recalls, laughing. “It was like in a joking sort of way he was singing and the other people around him were laughing when he was doing it and he was singing something about it’s springtime and it’s time for love. The way he tells this story, I came in the door and heard him singing that and I tried to sneak away. I didn’t want any part of that. And he saw me and he said, ‘Uh oh.’ And that’s when he began to realize that I was not what he thought I was. How can you explain how two people fall in love? I can’t explain that. But it just happened. I wasn’t afraid of him personally.”
Frank Kameny with Tom Toth in D.C. (Photo courtesy of Larry Esser)
Couple’s activism starts at home
The couple routinely engaged in what Esser calls “guerrilla activism” that began when he said the railroad fired him after they began dating in 1983 because of his sexual orientation. He considered moving back to Connecticut, but Toth insisted he move into the small Glen Burnie home he shared with his then-84-year-old mother, Mary.
“There was no arguing with that,” Esser says. “The funny thing is when he said it, it was exactly what I wanted to hear, but of course I couldn’t ask him that. It was up to him to ask me, and he did. And I was delighted.”
Esser took care of Toth’s elderly mother until she died the following year. He says the same Chessy System vice president whom he claims fired him threatened to do the same to his partner once he found out they were living together. (He says the railroad in the late 1970s had tried to fire an early member of the Baltimore Gay Alliance that later became the GLBT Community Center of Baltimore and Central Maryland, but the union fought for him.)
“He couldn’t do it directly,” Esser says, recalling efforts to fire Toth, who was a unionized stenographer. “He did a bunch of different things to try to get Tom to quit. And amazingly, Tom was actually ready to resign. A woman whose name I can’t remember, but will always be grateful to her told him don’t resign because the railroad is going to do a bunch of buyouts and you’ll be able to get a lump sum payment and retire, and that’s what he did.”
The couple also for years distributed copies of the Blade at locations throughout Anne Arundel County.
They decided to approach the Anne Arundel County Public Library Board of Trustees in Annapolis in 1993 after they read about the newspaper’s threatened lawsuit against the Fairfax County (Va.) Library for its proposed ban on the publication’s distribution inside its branches. Esser said Toth was “really rough with them,” in part because “he’d gone through a very repressive time back in the 1950s.” (He lived in Manhattan for 25 years and the New York Police Department once arrested him during a gay bar raid.)
“When we got to the library board, he told them point blank, ‘You’d better do this,’” Esser says. “They were not happy. They were not happy at all. I think some of them were actually kind of sympathetic to what we wanted to do, but they were taken aback by how assertive he was. They weren’t used to that. The library board is used to people coming and requesting things, not telling them what they’re going to do. And they were not happy.”
Esser says one of the board members later told him the board did not want to meet with Toth anymore because “he was very blunt,” but in the end they granted them permission to place 15 copies of the Blade in libraries in Glen Burnie, Severna Park and Annapolis. They continued distributing the Blades each week from the Center for more than two decades.
“By putting the paper there, I always felt that, I always wondered … if a young person going by thinking they were maybe gay or knew they were gay but felt very isolated, if they saw those papers, maybe that would give them a little bit of encouragement or a little bit of reassurance. But the other point was just sheer visibility. By having those papers there, Tom used to say … if even one person picks one up, he said even if they throw them away they still got to look at them. And that was an excellent point. And he was quite right. That meant a lot to us.”
Trust the truth
The AIDS epidemic had begun to exert its toll on gay men by the time the couple began dating — Esser recalls a time both he and Toth went to a small Severna Park health clinic to get HIV tests. Toth says the nurse asked him whether he was a gay man. “He said that was the first time in his entire life anyone asked him that directly,” Esser says. “He had never been asked that question.”
Larry Esser today. (Blade photo by Michael K. Lavers)
Esser says he felt the atmosphere during the late 1980s was “pretty optimistic” in spite of the epidemic and late-North Carolina Sen. Jesse Helms, fundamentalist preachers Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson and other social conservatives who sought to demonize gay men during the AIDS crisis.
“Oddly enough, Tom never disliked [then-President Ronald] Reagan, but I think that’s because he remembered him from his movie star days,” Esser says. “He felt Reagan didn’t understand the whole situation that he was dealing with AIDS and gay people. He felt that Reagan really just didn’t understand it. It’s not that he was anti-gay particularly; he just didn’t really know what he was doing … I didn’t feel so kindly to Reagan at all. I thought he was just horrible.”
Toth and Esser also became involved in the effort to add sexual orientation to Maryland’s non-discrimination law in the 1990s.
He recalls one legislator who was “really being ridiculous, saying really ugly things about us” during a hearing on the measure in Annapolis. One of this lawmaker’s colleagues who had refused to listen to his speech asked Toth and Esser how they could stand to hear his rhetoric.
“Tom said, ‘Well we know it isn’t true, so we don’t worry about it,’” Esser says. “Of course you’ve got to fight. You can’t let people say things that aren’t true and let them say it without challenging it. And Tom did that. But at the same time you can’t let it stop you. You can’t let that negativism stop you. You have to keep fighting, pushing against it and that’s what Tom really, really did.”
Esser notes that Toth’s life spanned the same period through which Frank Kameny lived — the two met during the 2000 D.C. Pride parade. And Esser says when they met, it was as if they were kindred spirits.
“They were really speaking the same language,” he says, noting both Esser and Kameny came of age in the 1950s when lobotomies were performed as a way to cure homosexuality. “It was very impressive for me being a younger person relative to them seeing what these two men must have come through and how they were both so determined to do what they were doing. They refused to back down. They refused to accept what they were being told they had to accept. They wouldn’t do it. And that was a beautiful thing to me. It’s a moment I will never forget.”
Mesothelioma that Toth developed from asbestos exposure while working at a Baltimore shipyard that built liberty ships during World War II had already taken its toll by the time Gov. Martin O’Malley signed the state’s same-sex marriage law in March.
Toth and Esser legally married in D.C. in 2010, but he wanted to vote for both Question 6 and President Obama on Election Day. He applied for an absentee ballot because he did not think he would live until Nov. 6.
It arrived in the mail in early October.
“It came and I said do you want to sign it?,” Esser, who fought leukemia at the same time his spouse struggled with mesothelioma, says. “And he said, ‘No, I’ll do it tomorrow. Well the next day he wasn’t strong enough.”
Toth died three days later — on Oct. 11 — at age 88.
“He never did sign the absentee ballot,” Esser says. “He was very aware of what was going on. He was politically interested. He definitely wanted Obama to win. We just detested Romney. The hardest thing to communicate to people who were not gay (is) how much Obama had done to us, compared to everybody else.”
Esser says Toth wondered whether history would remember Obama along the same lines as Franklin Roosevelt in terms of “what he had done, particularly for gay rights.”
“When you come from a time where you were ignored totally … and suddenly here’s the president and he’s doing all these executive orders and this happening and that’s happening and then he comes out in favor of same-sex marriage, well that’s fantastic,” Esser says. “He was just delighted.”
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Real Estate
Pride, patriotism, and prosperity
Real estate plays role in honoring servicemembers’ legacy
As the calendar turns to late May and early June, several powerful movements and celebrations converge in a profound and colorful tapestry of remembrance, Pride, and progress.
Memorial Day in the United States honors the sacrifices of military personnel who gave their lives in service. Simultaneously, WorldPride and Black Pride commemorate both the historical struggles and enduring strength of LGBTQ+ communities worldwide.
Though these observances may seem distinct, they share powerful commonalities — solemnity, resilience, and the pursuit of equity. When viewed through the lens of real estate and community development, their intersection reveals the critical importance of space, ownership, and inclusion.
Memorial Day is more than a barbecue, a long weekend, or the unofficial start of summer. It is a solemn remembrance of those who laid down their lives for the ideals of freedom and democracy. Many of these fallen heroes came from marginalized backgrounds, including a rainbow of LGBTQ+ Americans who served valiantly, often without recognition or equal rights at home.
LGBTQ+ service members have fought in silence for decades, only gaining the right to serve openly in recent years and then having that opportunity for some individuals snatched back simply because of who they are. Memorial Day is a chance not only to honor their service but also as a reminder of the injustices they endured.
Real estate plays a role in their legacy. For decades, returning veterans used the GI Bill to buy homes and build generational wealth; however, discriminatory practices like redlining and restrictive covenants denied Black veterans the same opportunities, contributing to the racial wealth gap that persists today. Similarly, LGBTQ+ veterans and their partners often faced housing discrimination with little legal recourse. These systemic barriers underscore how access to safe and equitable housing is part of the fight for justice.
Black Pride events emerged in response to racism within the broader LGBTQ+ movement, asserting that Black queer lives matter and deserve visibility. Held in cities across the globe, Black Pride is not just a festival — it is a political and cultural declaration. It amplifies voices at the intersection of race and sexuality, advocating for people who are disproportionately impacted by housing insecurity and gentrification.
Many urban neighborhoods that were once cultural havens for queer communities are being transformed by rising rents and redevelopment. While revitalization can bring economic opportunity, it must be done equitably, with safeguards in place to ensure that long-standing residents are not displaced. Real estate, in this context, becomes a tool for resistance and renewal.
WorldPride, a global event celebrating LGBTQ+ rights and visibility, is hosted by a different city every few years. It draws millions of participants, shines an international spotlight on LGBTQ+ issues, and highlights disparities in rights and protections worldwide. In countries where queer identities are criminalized, safe housing can be a matter of life and death.
Even in more progressive regions, LGBTQ+ individuals often face subtle yet persistent discrimination from landlords, real estate agents, and lending institutions. In the real estate industry, advocacy groups are working to increase representation, offer training, define ethical responsibilities, and advocate for inclusive policies to ensure housing is truly accessible to all.
The convergence of WorldPride with Memorial Day and Black Pride invites deeper reflection: What kind of world are we building in memory of those who came before? How can we ensure that freedom, the very principle so many fought and died for, includes the right to live openly and securely, regardless of race, gender, or sexuality?
The real estate industry has a unique role in shaping the future. From urban planning to homeownership policy, to income-based downpayment grants, it directly influences who has access to stability and opportunity.
Developers, policymakers, and community leaders must work together to address housing disparities. This includes funding affordable housing, protecting tenants from discrimination, and investing in communities that have been historically excluded. It also means respecting cultural legacies and ensuring that neighborhoods reflect the diversity of the people who live in them.
Memorial Day reminds us of the cost of freedom. International Pride events remind us that the fight for freedom is ongoing. As we honor the fallen, let us also honor the living – those who continue to fight for their right to exist, to love, and to call a place home. Whether waving a flag at a Pride parade, laying a wreath at a soldier’s grave, or signing a first-time homebuyer agreement, these moments are connected by the enduring belief that everyone deserves dignity, safety, and a place to belong.
Valerie M. Blake is a licensed Associate Broker in DC, MD & VA with RLAH @properties. Call or text her at (202) 246-8602, email her at DCHomeQuest.com, or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.
Real Estate
Tips for buying a house in Rehoboth Beach
And why it’s a great fit for the LGBTQ community
If you’ve ever dreamed of owning a charming beach house where flip-flops are considered formalwear and sunsets are your daily entertainment, Rehoboth Beach, Del., might just be your dream come true. It’s not just a beautiful coastal town—it’s also a long celebrated safe haven and vibrant hub for the LGBTQ community. Let’s dive into why Rehoboth Beach is a fabulous choice and how to make a savvy beach house purchase.
Why Rehoboth Is a Vibe (especially for the LGBTQ community)
1. A Welcoming, Inclusive Community
Rehoboth Beach has been lovingly nicknamed the “Nation’s Summer Capital,” and it’s not just because of its proximity to D.C. For decades, Rehoboth has built a reputation as a warm, inclusive, and LGBTQ-friendly destination. From gay-owned businesses to LGBTQ events and nightlife, this is a town where you can truly be yourself.
2. Packed Social Calendar
Poodle Beach, the LGBTQ beach hangout just south of the boardwalk, is always buzzing in the summer. Events like Rehoboth Beach Bear Weekend, Women’s FEST, and CAMP Rehoboth’s myriad of social and wellness events bring people together all year round. That’s right—you’ll never be bored here unless you want to be.
3. Small Town Charm Meets Big City Culture
You get art galleries, drag brunches, live theater, eclectic cuisine, and adorable boutiques—basically everything your soul craves—without the chaos and crowds of major cities. It’s quaint but never boring. Think: Key West vibes with a Delaware zip code.
Tips for Buying Your Dream Beach House
1. Know Your Budget and Think Long Term. Beachfront and near-beach properties come at a premium. Expect to pay a bit more for proximity to the sand and ocean views.
2. Choose Your Neighborhood Wisely. Do you want to be walking distance from the action on the boardwalk? Or do you prefer something more secluded in areas like North Shores or Henlopen Acres?
3. Rental Potential. If you’re not living there full time, your beach house could work overtime as a vacation rental. Rehoboth Beach has a healthy short-term rental market, especially in peak summer. Often times LGBTQ travelers actively seek inclusive, affirming places to stay.
4. Weather the Weather. Like all coastal areas, Rehoboth comes with a side of salt air and occasional storms. Invest in a good home inspection, especially for older homes, and be prepared for the maintenance that comes with beachfront living (yes, that includes sand everywhere).
5. Work With a Local Real Estate Agent. Look for an agent who knows Rehoboth inside and out and understands the unique needs of LGBTQ buyers. This isn’t just a house — it’s your happy place. You want someone who sees that and says, “Let’s find your sanctuary.”
Buying a beach house in Rehoboth Beach isn’t just about real estate — it’s about finding a space that reflects your lifestyle, values, and need for both community and calm. Whether it becomes your full-time home, your weekend escape, or your Airbnb side hustle, Rehoboth welcomes you with open arms (and maybe a mimosa).
Want personalized tips on navigating the Rehoboth Beach real estate market? Let’s chat! I’ll bring the listings if you bring the sunscreen.
Justin Noble is a Realtor with The Burns & Noble Group with Sotheby’s International Realty, licensed in D.C., Maryland, and Delaware. Reach him at [email protected] or 202-234-3344.
Real Estate
Impact of federal gov’t RIF on D.C.’s rental market
A seismic economic change for local property owners
In a move that could redefine the federal government workforce and reshape the economic fabric of Washington, D.C., President Donald Trump has announced his intentions to significantly reduce federal government spending as well as the number of people the federal government employs.
Calling the federal bureaucracy “bloated” and “out of control,” Trump has repeatedly expressed his desire to cut thousands of federal jobs. While these cuts align with his long-standing push to “drain the swamp,” they come with potential and real collateral damage, especially for landlords in the D.C. area who have relied on government employees as some of their most reliable and long-term tenants.
The potential reduction of thousands of jobs in a city built around government work is not just a political shift—it’s a seismic economic change for the city government as well as for local property owners who have invested in the predictability of a near-constant demand for workers in the federal government agencies, government contractors and the economic ecosystem they sustain.
For landlords, government workers have represented ideal tenants: strong income, long-term leases, and responsible rental histories. Now, that foundation is being shaken in a battle by the Administration against a workforce which is the backbone of the Washington area’s overall economy, and especially its rental market.
With uncertainty looming, landlords are left in a difficult position. If widespread layoffs come to fruition, rental vacancies could spike, rental prices would drop, and previously secure investment properties might become financial liabilities. The sudden shift forces landlords to consider their next moves: how to support tenants facing job losses, how to adapt to a changing market, and how to ensure their own financial stability amid the uncertainty.
For D.C. landlords, this isn’t just about policy shifts or budget cuts, it’s about economic livelihood. The challenge ahead isn’t about just reacting to change, but proactively preparing for it, ensuring they can weather the storm of political maneuvering.
Potential Consequences for D.C. Landlords
- 1. Increased Risk of Non-Payment of Rent
- Job losses may lead to late or missed rent payments
- As affected tenants struggle financially, they may ask to break their lease to live elsewhere or even move out of the region
- Eviction lawsuits may rise, leading to a long and expensive process for landlords, all while not being able to rent their property to paying tenants.
- 2. Higher Vacancy Rates
- If many government employees leave the D.C. region in search of work elsewhere, the rental demand could decline significantly
- Rental properties may sit empty longer, requiring landlords to lower rents to attract new tenants and creating even more financial loss
3. More Competition from Other Landlords
- As many more units are vacant on the market, all competing for the same pool of potential tenants, older and smaller rentals, and those located further out from the core of the city will all struggle to find quality renters.
- Landlords will need to offer other ways to attract and retain tenants, such as incentives, which could quickly overwhelm the finances of smaller landlords who cannot keep up.
Proactive Strategies for Landlords
To mitigate risks and ensure future rental success, landlords should consider these defensive measures:
1. Strengthen Tenant Relationships and Communication
- Encourage tenants to communicate if they anticipate financial hardship due to job loss.
- Work out temporary payment plans or partial payments to prevent full non-payment or eviction.
- Provide guidance on rental assistance programs available in D.C.
2. Offer Flexible Lease Terms
- Consider shorter-term leases than a full 12-month term to accommodate the needs of tenants who may be uncertain about their long-term employment status.
- Offer lease renewals at the same rent amount to keep stable tenants and avoid turnover
3. Diversify Tenant Base
- If a large portion of tenants are government workers, a landlord may want to market to a broader audience or professionals in private industries.
- Advertise on platforms that cater to diverse tenant pools, including students and international workers.
4. Adjust Screening Criteria Thoughtfully
- While it’s important to ensure financial stability, consider creditworthiness, assets, and rental history rather than just employment status.
- Consider alternative income sources, like family members assisting, part-time work or freelance gigs.
5. Protect Cash Flow with Rent Guarantee Options
- Explore rental insurance policies or rent guarantee services to cover losses in case of non-payment.
- Consider co-signers or guarantors on leases for new tenants in vulnerable industries, just in case.
6. Adjust Rental Pricing to Stay Competitive
- Monitor the D.C. rental market and adjust pricing accordingly to attract new tenants.
- Consider offering move-in incentives as a way to stand out. Be creative! Sometimes things you can offer are different and may catch someone’s eye
Long-Term Planning for Rental Success
- Build reserves to cover expenses during potential vacancies or rent shortfalls.
- Invest in property upgrades to make rentals more attractive to a broader audience, such as young professionals or remote workers.
- Consider diversifying property holdings to include areas that are less reliant on government employment.
By taking proactive steps, landlords can safeguard their investments while supporting tenants through economic uncertainty, ultimately leading to a more stable and resilient rental business.
Scott Bloom is owner and senior property manager at Columbia Property Management. For more information, visit ColumbiaPM.com.
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