Living
Queer conference explores language
Nuances exposed and examined — including porn star grunts, according to organizer

Organizers of the Lavender Language Conference say even the sounds gay porn actors make in the throes of passion have meaning and can teach us something about our gay lives. (Photo via Wikimedia)
Lavender Languages & Linguistics Conference
Friday through Sunday
American University
Washington
Prices vary — presentations may be attended individually and cost $25 per session for employed persons; discounts available for anyone who wants to attend but can’t afford to pay
Registration is possible on site or online
American.edu/lavenderlanguages
Watching gay porn at William Leap’s house near American University in Washington can be tedious.
“There’s a lot of hilarity with that,” Leap says. “My partner always wants to race through it. He says, ‘Oh, come on, this is stupid,’ and I’m like, ‘No, I need to listen to this. I want to hear the dialogue and really think about what phrases they’re saying.”
And yes, in a way, Leap does have a dialogue fetish but it’s not sexual. He’s a linguistics specialist and professor at American University in its College of Arts and Sciences’ Department of Anthropology. His 20th annual Lavender Languages & Linguistics Conference, which he says is the longest-running queer academic conference in North America, convenes today. He and a stable of other academics will welcome about 150 attendees from around the world to a weekend jammed with about 80 presentations on queer language. Language used in gay porn is just one of the many topics that will be covered.
“We have a guy coming, and this is such a hoot,” Leap says with palpable glee, “who’s doing a presentation comparing the sounds guys make in coital ecstasy with the sounds animals make in the zoo and in the wild. He’s actually doing a phonetic technical analysis and comparison to see how, for instance, [gay porn star] Damien Crosse grunts, so I don’t know, we’ll see what he comes up with.”
But even with nods to porn and gay pop culture, isn’t the conference a bit on the geeky and dry side? Leap says no and that the use of language — from the way words are spoken to the origins of phrases and expressions — has a profound effect on LGBT lives. Yes, it’s his pet passion, but he says there’s something any queer person could find useful in the event.
“I think the real value in it is that it reminds us that gay is not a single phenomenon and no one owns it,” Leap says. “No one has a right to stand up and speak for all queer people and part of what we have to do as academics is make it clear that there’s this vast diversity of things associated with the use of language. Gays and lesbians have a rich history that has largely been ignored. These cultural experiences are not being talked about in textbooks.”
Leap started the event in 1993 with a half-day event and about 85 in attendance. Now it’s three days and he expects about 150 to register in addition to “walk ins” who come for “a session or two.” It’s a non-profit event and Leap says those who are interested but can’t pay will not be turned away or denied lunch/refreshments. He also says there’s a refreshing non-snob factor with the professors whom he encourages to mingle with attendees from all walks of life.
“There’s no attitude here, no prima donnas,” he says. “We really want an environment where everybody is free to talk to everybody.”
David Peterson, a gay associate professor in the Department of English at the University of Nebraska at Omaha, has been attending and presenting almost every year since 1995. He says the topics that have been explored over the years at the Conference have endless “real world” implications for LGBT people.
“If we want to counter the kinds of things the Family Research Council, for example, is doing, we have to have some understanding of what they’re doing or it won’t be effective,” he says. “We can’t just protest it and say, ‘They’re just fundamentalist Bible thumpers,’ because they’re really not. It’s quite interesting, and not what many people would expect, that they don’t use a lot of scripture quoting on their website and in their arguments. … There’s been a shift. One of the things they do is pretend to be social scientists saying very homophobic things in what appears to be the objective language of science.”
Leap is happy to go anywhere during a phone chat this week. During an hour-plus conversation, he touched on dozens of topics. Among them:
• On understanding how gay language has changed in 20 years: “One of the most important things we’ve learned is that 20 years ago, many folks thought there was a gay language, a gay way of talking where you could identify a particular accent or a single way of doing things and while there’s probably some truth to that, what we’re realizing now is it’s terribly complex. There is no single way of talking, there is no such thing as a gay accent and it really varies across different groups, segments, classes and cultures. … You try to translate a phrase like “coming out of the closet” into French, for example, and their reaction would be, ‘Why would I be in a wardrobe?’ … If they’re actually talking about telling family and friends they’re gay, they would say it in an altogether different way and that’s just one example. Referring to the ‘gayborhood,’ is another that just has no French equivalent. And that’s just using French as an example. You can imagine how this varies around the world.”
• Is faggot the new “n word”? “Well, yes and no,” Leap says. “A lot of guys use it as a term of self reference but get very angry if somebody else says it about them, so for many it is. It’s kind of like the high school expression, ‘That’s so gay,’ which is widely used as a bullying term. I don’t think this needs a whole lot of theorizing. It’s like queer was 20 years ago. We kind of took it back, made a joke of it and said, ‘You don’t own this term.’ We can do that with fag if we want.”
• Norman Lear could have Archie Bunker say fag on a sitcom 30 years ago but now celebrities who use the word get criticized and not just by GLAAD. What does that say about how language usage has changed? “It’s good because it keeps our issues on the front burner,” Leap says. “Yes, things have come a long way, but I still worry until we have some serious workplace protections in place. All these things we can do to keep that visibility going are good.”
• You say there’s no such thing as gay language, but you hear people say things like, “He was hot until he opened his mouth and a pink umbrella fell out.” People seem to know, at least among gay men in the U.S., pretty universally what that means. Thoughts? “It could be tone, it could be pitch. It’s really interesting because what it really shows us is that there’s no single thing as gay language, it’s really everyone’s perception of it. What they believe gay language to be.”
• Some celebs, when they come out, are very unequivocal. Others, such as Jodie Foster at the Golden Globes last month, don’t use the word lesbian, yet everyone watching knew what she meant. Does that cut it? “Of course it matters. Anyone who’s in a position of relative safety and privilege, should. I’m not going to say she should have, but I would have thought it would have been great and would have meant more to the 9-year-old girl watching. And yet what she did was absolutely wonderful and I’m dying to see a transcript of it, because you’re right, while everybody knew what she meant and it was her most direct statement yet, it was also terribly opaque on some levels. It’s a great example of using language in an indirect way though yeah, it would have been great if she’d just used the L word and been done with it.”
• LGBT has some universality to it, but people, in a quest to be inclusive, have added letters for those questioning, allies and so on. Is that OK? “This is when you see why the word queer has some appeal because it can encompass a whole range of counter-normative identities, aspirations and desires. And yes, this LGBTQ-adding on of letters gets to be this ridiculous alphabet soup where you can’t possibly include everybody in the phone book. A lot of it, for men who are same-sex identified, is, ‘Do you suck cock?’ But even then you have people, like Larry Craig, who are straight identified but like to suck cock. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want him on my team. One of the interesting things this leads to is how people make sense of themselves. You really start to see how many nuances there are to queer language.”
In September 2024, I wrote about the District’s Lead-Free D.C. initiative, an ambitious effort to remove lead pipes and make drinking water safer for every resident in our city. Since that original article, a number of important developments have taken shape that affect everyone living in the District. Key drivers in the legal landscape surrounding this issue such as disclosure, testing, and infrastructure planning have been sharpened. The city’s sweeping pipe replacement efforts are continuing to evolve against the backdrop of broader federal drinking-water rules and funding changes.
What was once largely public health conversation for the future is now a practical reality for many property owners and renters. The water service line replacement project has moved from planning and is presently underway throughout the city.
Elevated levels of lead in drinking water is a perplexing challenge in many U.S cities. Researchers documented elevated lead levels in D.C.’s water system more than two decades ago, spotlighting how old infrastructure can pose a hidden health risk even in one of America’s wealthiest cities. Local leaders responded with pipe replacement plans that have continued in the years since.
The Lead-Free D.C. initiative remains the central effort to reduce that risk by replacing water supply lines. These are the pipes that carry water to your home or rental property from the street. D.C. Water estimates that tens of thousands of lead or galvanized service lines still exist in the city and must be systematically replaced to eliminate this exposure.
What Has Changed Since September 2024
Over the past 18 months, several shifts have rippled through policy, practice, and the daily experience of both landlords and tenants:
- Local Disclosure and Tenant Rights: The city has strengthened disclosure requirements. Today, property owners are expected to provide clear written disclosures about known lead service lines, any testing that has been done, and records of past replacements. Tenants also have the right to request lead testing of their tap water, and landlords are responsible for ordering and passing along the test kit, and are required by law to share results with tenants when requested.This reflects an ongoing push toward transparency and an informed occupancy.
- Pipeline Replacement Planning: D.C. Water and the District Government are continuing to roll out their block-by-block lead service line replacement work, with construction schedules publicly available through a Lead-Free D.C. construction dashboard. The goal is to remove by 2030 all lead service lines on both the public and private side, though timelines and funding mechanisms are still being refined as the work continues. D.C.’s Lead-Free DC initiative stipulates that DC Water is responsible to replace the public portion of a lead service line at no cost to the property owners. This is the section running from the water main under the street to the property owner’s lot line. When DC Water is already replacing the public side as part of a scheduled infrastructure project, it will also offer to replace the private-side service line (into the building) at no cost to the owner, as long as the owner grants access and signs a right-of-entry agreement. In these cases, DC Water pays the contractor directly, and the entire lead service line is removed in one coordinated effort.
When no public-side project is scheduled, owners may still qualify for full private-side replacement coverage through the District’s Lead Pipe Replacement Assistance Program (LPRAP). If approved, the program covers the cost of replacing the private-side lead pipe, with funds paid directly to the contractor. Property owners are typically responsible for selecting the contractor, coordinating the work, and covering any costs outside the approved scope of work. Funding is subject to availability, and eligible applicants may be placed on a waiting list depending on annual program budgets.
- Implementation Best Practices: To avoid challenges and misunderstandings regarding the responsibilities during such a significant undertaking, fully investigating the program and how it works is a good first start as is regular and clear communications.
It’s helpful for both property owners and residents to have a clear understanding of what D.C. Water and construction crews will be doing during a lead service line replacement and what follow-up work may remain once the project is complete. Like any major infrastructure upgrade, the process can involve temporary water shutoffs, excavation around the building, and some restoration afterward, such as repairing landscaping or sections of sidewalk. While these short-term disruptions can be inconvenient, they’re a normal and necessary part of modernizing the city’s water system and ensuring safer drinking water for the long term.
- Federal Drinking Water Rules: On the national stage, the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) finalized in October 2024 the Lead and Copper Rule Improvements (LCRI). The LCRI requires public water systems across the country to inventory and plan to replace lead service lines, and to remove all lead pipes within about a decade. It also strengthens testing, monitoring, and public notification requirements and lowers the action level for lead exposure, building on earlier revisions to the Lead and Copper Rule.
While these federal changes do not rewrite Washington, D.C.’s specific legal requirements for landlords and tenants, they do help shape funding opportunities, compliance expectations, and the broader national push to eliminate lead plumbing, which can affect utilities, state programs, and local infrastructure planning.
Federal drinking water regulations are subject to administrative review, litigation, and potential revisions as presidential administrations change. While the EPA’s 2024 Lead and Copper Rule Improvements remain in effect as of this writing, aspects of implementation, enforcement timelines, or funding mechanisms may evolve through future rulemaking, court decisions, or congressional action. These federal rules do not override Washington, D.C.’s independent authority to adopt and enforce its own public health, housing, and water safety requirements, which continue to govern landlord and tenant obligations within the District regardless of federal regulatory shifts.
What Landlords Should Know
For landlords in D.C., these evolving expectations matter in 3 key ways:
- Disclosure Is Now a Must: You are expected to provide prospective tenants with upfront information about lead service lines, known test results, and replacement history before lease signing. Existing tenants must also be informed if you learn anything new about the plumbing system.
- Testing Should Be Welcomed, Not Avoided: When tenants request a lead water test, you’re now required to provide D.C. Water’s approved kit and cooperate with the process. The test results give both sides clear information about water quality and whether additional remediation is advisable.
- Capital Investment May Be Unavoidable: Even if much of the public-side work is funded by D.C. Water, private-side service line replacement costs and restoration work may still fall to the property owner if the home still has lead service lines. Planning for both the expense and the logistics is key to be able to take advantage of this program being offered to D.C. homeowners.
What This Means for Tenants
For renters, the changes bring clearer rights and fewer unknowns. Tenants no longer have to guess whether lead pipes serve their home; they can request testing, receive timely results, and rely on official disclosures when deciding where to live and how to protect their health.
Transparent communication with the landlord, responsiveness to testing requests, and participation in replacement programs turn regulatory requirements into real-world safeguards. In that way, landlord action directly shapes tenant trust, housing stability, and long-term public health outcomes.
At a moment when the District is investing heavily in its infrastructure, landlords who plan ahead and participate help to ensure that these public resources translate into safer housing, stronger neighborhoods, and a city better equipped for the future.
Why This Still Matters
Lead-free water shouldn’t be a luxury. Continued investment by federal and local governments in Washington, D.C.’s water infrastructure reflects a shared commitment to the city’s long-term health and livability. Modernizing service lines helps ensure that people can raise families here, age in place, and remain part of their communities without the added health concerns associated with lead exposure.
Landlords who take the time now to understand, disclose, and plan for lead service line replacement not only comply with evolving expectations, but they also strengthen the long-term value and marketability of their properties.
Scott Bloom is owner and senior property manager of Columbia Property Management.
As the days grow longer and buyers re-emerge from winter hibernation, the spring market consistently proves to be one of the strongest times of year to sell a home. Increased inventory, motivated buyers, and picture-perfect curb appeal make it a prime window for homeowners ready to list.
The good news? Preparing your home for spring doesn’t require a full renovation or a contractor on speed dial. A few thoughtful, cost-effective updates can dramatically elevate your home’s appeal and market value.
Here are smart, inexpensive ways to get your property market-ready:
Fresh Paint: The Highest Return on a Small Investment
Few improvements transform a home as quickly and affordably as paint. Neutral tones remain the gold standard, but today’s buyers are gravitating toward warmer tan hues that create an inviting, elevated feel without overwhelming a space. Soft sandy beiges and warm greige-leaning tans provide a clean backdrop that photographs beautifully and allows buyers to envision their own furnishings in the home.
Freshly painted walls signal care and maintenance — two qualities buyers subconsciously look for when touring properties.
Removable Wallpaper: Style Without Commitment
For homeowners wanting to introduce personality without permanence, removable wallpaper offers a stylish solution. A subtle textured pattern in a powder room, a soft botanical print in a bedroom, or a modern geometric accent wall can add depth and character. Because it’s easily removed, it appeals to both sellers and buyers — creating visual interest without long-term risk.
Upgrade Light Fixtures for Instant Modernization
Outdated lighting can age a home instantly. Swapping builder-grade fixtures for modern, streamlined options is one of the simplest ways to refresh a space. Consider warm metallic finishes or matte black accents to create a cohesive, updated look. Proper lighting not only enhances aesthetics but also ensures your home feels bright and welcoming during showings.
Elevate Curb Appeal: First Impressions Matter Most
Spring buyers often decide how they feel about a home before they ever step inside. Refreshing curb appeal doesn’t require major landscaping. Simple updates such as fresh mulch, trimmed shrubs, seasonal flowers, a newly painted front door, and updated house numbers can dramatically improve first impressions. Power washing the driveway and walkways also delivers a clean, well-maintained appearance for minimal cost. Even if you don’t have a curb to appeal- think potted plants on your patio, balcony and change out your door mat.
Deep Clean & Declutter (Seriously, It Matters)
A deep, top-to-bottom cleaning is basically free and one of the most impactful things you can do. Scrub floors, windows, grout, baseboards, appliances, bathrooms, and everything in between. Don’t forget to clean windows inside and out — natural light is a huge selling point. Declutter by packing up excess stuff, clearing off countertops, and minimizing personal items so buyers can see the space, not your life.
Let the Light Shine
Make your home feel bright and inviting by cleaning windows, opening blinds, and replacing dark or dated light fixtures with contemporary, budget-friendly options. Swapping in LED bulbs offers brighter light and lower utility costs — a small change that buyers appreciate. Pro tip: I always recommend removing widow screens to allow as much light in as possible
Neutralize Scents
Make sure the home smells fresh. Neutralizing odors — whether from pets, cooking, or moisture — creates a clean, welcoming atmosphere. Light natural scents like citrus or subtle florals can be inviting during showings. Think of how your favorite hotel smells and go for that.
Spring market rewards preparation. By focusing on high-impact, low-cost improvements, sellers can position their homes to stand out in a competitive environment. With thoughtful updates and strategic presentation, homeowners can maximize both buyer interest and potential sale price — all without overextending their renovation budget.
As activity increases and inventory begins to rise, now is the time to prepare. A little polish today can translate into significant results tomorrow.
Justin Noble is a Real Estate professional with Sotheby’s International Realty Servicing Washington D.C., Maryland, and the beaches of Delaware.
Advice
Dry January has isolated me from my friends
Is it possible to have social life without alcohol?
Dear Michael,
Some of my friends and I decided to do Dry January.
The six of us are a posse, we’ve been friends for years. Many boyfriends and even a husband or two have come and gone but we get together all the time and travel together.
I think we all agreed that drinking is too big a part of our social lives and thought we’d give Dry January a shot.
So … I am feeling better and it’s only been three weeks.
I’ve actually lost a little weight, and it’s nice not to wake up with a hangover four mornings a week. I’m pushing 40 and no surprise, my body feels relieved.
But, I’m also the only one of us who is still doing it.
Which means they are all going out and I am not. So I am feeling lonely.
I could join them in going out but first of all, I don’t really want to hang out with them when they’re drunk and I’m trying to be alcohol free; and also, there’s a part of me that is afraid I will give in to temptation and have a drink. And then it will be back to business as usual.
But, I spent this past weekend, and every night this week, alone.
All of this has me thinking: what do I do in February? I really don’t want to start drinking again.
But, if I don’t, how do I stay part of my friend group? If they’re buzzed (or drunk) and I’m not, am I still going to fit in?
I’m disappointed in my friends. We were all in this together, I thought, but one thing after another came up for them.
Some special event where “everyone was drinking,” a work dinner where “I didn’t want to deal with everyone’s questions about why I wasn’t drinking,” “too much work stress not to have a martini,” etc. In the end they were all laughing about it and now they’re basically poking fun at me and essentially betting how long I will last. That doesn’t feel good. It’s like the whole thing was a whim or a joke to them.
Also, heavy alcohol use is pretty typical of our community. If I’m not drinking then how do I have a social life?
Appreciate your thoughts.
Michael replies:
It can be hard to be different. For example, to be gay in a straight world, or not to drink in a world where alcohol plays such a big part.
I’m a believer in living in a way that respects whom you actually are. This means doing what you think is important to do, even when there are consequences you don’t like. Only you can decide the boundary where the consequences of your living with integrity become intolerable.
Yes, many gay men drink a lot. So if you decide you don’t want to hang out where alcohol is involved, you will be reducing your options for socializing.
Some possibilities:
- Discuss this situation with your friends. Ask them if they’re willing to spend some time with you and without alcohol. (Not all the time — that would be way too much to ask, given that they clearly enjoy drinking.) Perhaps if you explain why your request is important to you, they’ll be willing to lean in your direction at least some of the time. That they’re now mocking you for not drinking suggests I am a bit too optimistic about this possibility. But who knows? And, what have you to lose by asking?
- See if you can tolerate hanging out with people who are drinking without picking up a drink yourself, and if you can actually enjoy such interactions.
- Start looking for some new friends. There are, in fact, lots of gay men in this world whose social lives don’t revolve around alcohol (or other substances.)
On a separate but related note: given your fear that you will start drinking again, and your concerns about navigating life without alcohol, might you consider Alcoholics Anonymous to get some support?
I’ve seen AA and other 12-step groups help many friends and clients, and I think they work in two main ways.
First, attending meetings gives you support and a feeling of community. You’ll meet others who are working to be sober, hear their stories and share your own struggles with them. You’re likely to feel less alone in your effort to stop drinking, learn tools for staying sober, and make friends you can reach out to when you’re feeling vulnerable. You’ll also have a sponsor, your guide and advocate in the program, whom you talk with regularly.
Second, the program lays out “12 steps” of recovery that are a path to greater self-awareness and personal growth. Like good psychotherapy, the steps give you a framework for looking at your behavior patterns and taking responsibility for yourself.
If you are intrigued, the best way to learn more is to attend several 12-step meetings. There are many in our area, including gay groups (for example, the Triangle Club.) As I mentioned, if you do get involved in AA, a side benefit is that you’re likely to make some new friends who share your desire to build a life without alcohol.
Of course, making new friends does not have to mean cutting off your posse. But if you’re changing in ways that make them less of a great fit, it would be great to find some new folks who might be more on your wavelength to connect with.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, and New York. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected]
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