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All-girl lesbian rock band set to play Jammin’ Java this weekend

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Antigone Rising, Dena Tauriello, Cathy Henderson, Nini Camps, Kristen Ellis-Henderson, music, gay news, Washington Blade
Antigone Rising, Dena Tauriello, Cathy Henderson, Nini Camps, Kristen Ellis-Henderson, music, gay news, Washington Blade

Antigone Rising is, from left, Dena Tauriello, Cathy Henderson, Nini Camps and Kristen Ellis-Henderson. (Photo by Anthony St. James)

Antigone Rising with Mama’s Black Sheep
Jammin’ Java
Saturday
Doors at 5 p.m.; show at 6
Tickets: $15 ($18 at the door)
227 Maple Ave. E
Vienna, Va.
Jamminjava.com
Antigonerising.com

It’s been a good year for Antigone Rising.

The all-girl country/rock band got strong video play on CMT with current single “That Was the Whiskey” and founding member Kristen Ellis-Henderson made the April 8 cover of Time magazine for the lesbian version of its controversial “Gay Marriage Already Won” issue with her wife, Sarah Kate Ellis-Henderson.

The band — all lesbians in the current lineup — plays Vienna’s Jammin’ Java Saturday night. We spoke with Ellis-Henderson by phone two weeks ago from her home in Sea Cliff, N.Y. Her comments have been slightly edited for length.

WASHINGTON BLADE: The band has such great vocal harmony. How integral is working out the harmony parts when constructing the song as a whole?

KRISTEN ELLIS-HENDERSON: It depends. We’ve been doing it so long now that a lot of times we just kind of fall into a certain role. But very often when we’re writing melodically, we’re also thinking about the harmonies too. We often say if we have to work too hard or think too hard about it, we must be going about it the wrong way. Often we’ll just go with what flows the most naturally. This has been a philosophy that has held true in other areas of our career as well. Certain songs will just click faster and every once in awhile we have to really push for something but often they’re the ones that aren’t really well received. We’ve just found that to be a kind of rule almost.

BLADE: Do you all write?

ELLIS-HENDERSON: (Lead singer) Nini (Camps) and I are the primary songwriters but we’re a band so we all have a part in it. Again, we’ve been together so long now, I almost know instinctually what Cathy (Henderson, Ellis-Henderson’s sister) and (drummer) Dena (Tauriello) will bring to it. But yes, technically Nini and I hole up in a room, then we bring it to the band and the band takes it to the next level.

BLADE: By now we’ve seen out singers be out in every way possible from coming out late in their careers, being out right from the start and every step in between. How calculated was the handling of that early on in the band?

ELLIS-HENDERSON: In the earlier part of our career, we were often methodical about trying to keep it on the inside. I never was comfortable with trying to keep it quiet because we’d always played gay bars and anybody who paid attention knew it. But there were some in the band at the time who felt in the ‘90s, that it would be pigeonholing ourselves to be more out. We had some straight people in the band at the time and some members who felt pretty strong about that. I never really felt that way and I always knew our strongest support came from the lesbian and gay community. Then over time, the band has shifted members. I started a family and have a wife and kids so I can’t really live my life in the closet. We say now the music and the band are pretty much an open book. We’re here, we’re gay and we’re proud and we feel that goes hand in hand with being in a band. I know there are some artists who feel differently and that’s fine. Everybody has their own approach. Some feel it’s not their place to try to change hearts and minds but I feel we have a bigger role and that’s something we can all contribute to.

BLADE: So it just kind of worked out that all the current members are lesbians?

ELLIS-HENDERSON: Nini has been with us since 2008 but Cathy and Dena and I have been together almost 20 years. Cathy and I started the band and maybe five years after that, Dena joined us and has been with us about 15 years. Nini and I were always writing together and she toured with us some and was like an honorary member in some ways for a long time, back when we did some shows with the Bangles. But she’s been officially with us about five years.

BLADE: “That Was the Whiskey” got some strong attention this year. Was that from an album or is it slated to be on one?

ELLIS-HENDERSON: It wasn’t and here’s the thing — and we are literally still in talks about this — but we are discussing whether we want to ever release another album. We’re seriously thinking about just offering a different download every other month and kind of making that our business model. … Even with big acts like Miley Cyrus and Katy Perry who are on these huge major labels, they have these huge hits that everybody downloads and it’s like nobody even cares anymore about the rest of the album. I mean that’s what the numbers are really showing. The whole industry is in disarray so we’re thinking of changing our business model and thinking this could be something we could be really successful at — just going one song at a time and make each one an event.

BLADE: But isn’t there something creatively satisfying with a longer-form artistic statement, both for yourselves and for the hardcore fans who do want something to sink their teeth into?

ELLIS-HENDERSON: I understand what you’re saying, but it’s just an art form that’s practically non-existent anymore. I can feel that way as an artist but I have to be realistic too and that’s just the way music is being consumed. I am one of those people who likes to ooh and aah over a tangible product so we’re thinking about the end of the year, maybe putting out an EP of that year’s songs. We’ve always had a slightly different business model, though. We record our shows and sell them and it’s just different from the Katy Perrys of the world and these huge artists. Yes, I could sit here and lament the death of the record album and CD and I do, but at the same time — I mean even with me, there are only a handful of artists, Shawn Colvin for one, who I want to hear start to finish. I don’t really care about Katy Perry’s full album. I want her singles though. … I think this could be a more interesting way to go than disappearing off the face of the earth for two years.

BLADE: How rigid have you found the lines to be in various markets? It strikes me as pretty cool that CMT would play your video.

ELLIS-HENDERSON: Yeah, I find it kind of shocking. Nashville as a rule is still pretty closeted. There are certain artists there whom I know are gay who will intentionally not join us for dinner out there or they just never seem to be able to make it to our show when we’re in town. There are others who support us wholeheartedly but Nashville is definitely about 25 years behind New York and L.A. and even D.C., you know the more forward markets. Even Atlanta is more progressive than Nashville. I kinda love the contradiction. Here’s this really rowdy band and a song about whiskey but in the video, she leaves with a guy and a girl. I love pushing that boundary. I think it’s changing too. We have people like Kacey Musgraves singing her song about “make lots of noise/kiss lots of boys/or kiss lots of girls if that’s something you’re into.” GLAAD Tweeted about it. It literally gave me chills to see her on the CMAs singing that to the whole country community. I think the fact that she’s not gay actually helps. It’s one inch closer.

BLADE: Is your show at Jammin’ Java part of a larger tour or do you just go out here and there?

ELLIS-HENDERSON: We’re kind of on perpetual tour. It goes in spurts. We’re raising families, which is really contradictory to the rock and roll lifestyle, so we’re always going out in little fits and spurts. We’ll do some holiday-themed shows since it’s December.

BLADE: Is this show part of that?

ELLIS-HENDERSON: Yeah. We have a new Christmas single and we’ll definitely two or three other Christmas songs too. We’ll give the show a little Christmas twist.

BLADE: How long is your show on average?

ELLIS-HENDERSON: We do about 80 minutes and play maybe 18-20 songs. We’re a live band so we’re always a little spontaneous. It’s always a slightly different show.

BLADE: Does Cathy braid her own hair?

ELLIS-HENDERSON: She doesn’t. She’s got this woman, Nancy, who’s been doing it forever. If we’re going out, she needs like eight hours the day before to get her hair braided. In a pinch or like on really long tours, I’ve done it and oh my God, it is a process. I’m always thinking, “Just get dreads already.” If I have to do it, she just gets six or seven big rows. That’s all I have the brainpower to be able to handle.

BLADE: If you had to guess, what percentage of the people who come to your shows are LGBT?

ELLIS-HENDERSON: It’s so hard to say. I kind of always assume they’re gay. I’m like, “Oh my God, you look gay to me.” I would guess about 60 percent are LGBT. In some ways it seems more mixed than ever. But we have a large gay following and I love it. We’ve always had that support. Even when we were just a tiny little indie band we’d be out in these random markets, these little college towns, and we’d have clubs willing to book us on a Tuesday night because there was never a room that there weren’t 10 or 15 young lesbians who traveled to see us. That’s the great thing about the gay community, we support each other. Then we’d have people say, “Wow, you got a little crowd even on a weeknight, we’ll have you back” and the next time those 10 or 15 would bring a few more so there’d be 15 or 20 more and we’d have 50. We’re so grateful for that support.

BLADE: But do you ever fear that that ends up becoming the band’s whole shtick, or at least that some will have the perception that that’s all you’re about?

ELLIS-HENDERSON: Not for me. I find it a blessing and an honor to talk about it and maybe be a role model or an advocate. I love talking about activism, that’s why I blog. It’s a passion.

Antigone Rising, Dena Tauriello, Cathy Henderson, Nini Camps, Kristen Ellis-Henderson, music, gay news, Washington Blade

Antigone Rising live. (Courtesy photo)

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Calendar: September 4-10

LGBTQ events in the days to come

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Friday, September 4

Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Community Happy Hour” at 7 p.m. at Freddie’s Beach Bar and Restaurant.This is a chance to relax, make new friends, and enjoy happy hour specials at this classic retro venue. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite

Saturday, September 5

Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Community Brunch” at 11 a.m. at Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant. This fun weekly event brings the DMV area LGBTQ+ community, including allies, together for delicious food and conversation.  Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

Sunday, September 6

“Nellie’s DC Drag Brunch” will be at 12 p.m. at Nellie’s Sports Bar. Come get served like a queen by a queen. Join Sapphire Blue, Deja Diamond and their team of amazing drag performers for the most fun you’ll have all weekend. Tickets cost $58.51 and are available on Eventbrite

Monday, September 7

Go Gay DC will host “Out in Rosslyn LGBTQ+ Community Social” at 6 p.m. at Hyatt Centric Arlington. We have been invited to visit Hyatt Centric Arlington, where we will gather in a reserved section of their lounge. Attendees will be greeted by members of the Go Gay DC Leadership Team & receive a name tag upon arrival. This event is ideal for meeting new folks, making new friends, community-building, or just to unwind and enjoy the atmosphere. Casual attire is perfectly fine. More details are available on Eventbrite

Tuesday, September 8

Coming Out Discussion Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a safe space to share experiences about coming out and discuss topics as it relates to doing so — by sharing struggles and victories the group allows those newly coming out and who have been out for a while to learn from others. For more details, visit the group’s Facebook

Trans Discussion Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This event is intended to provide an emotionally and physically safe space for trans people and those who may be questioning their gender identity/expression to join together in community and learn from one another. For more details, email [email protected]

Wednesday, September 9

Job Club will be at 6 p.m. on Zoom upon request. This is a weekly job support program to help job entrants and seekers, including the long-term unemployed, improve self-confidence, motivation, resilience and productivity for effective job searches and networking — allowing participants to move away from being merely “applicants” toward being “candidates.” For more information, email [email protected] or visit thedccenter.org/careers.

Thursday, September 10

The DC LGBTQ+ Community Center’s Fresh Produce Program will be held all day at the DC LGBTQ+ Community Center. People will be informed on Wednesday at 5 p.m. if they are picked to receive a produce box. No proof of residency or income is required. For more information, email [email protected] or call 202-682-2245. 

Virtual Yoga Class will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This free weekly class is a combination of yoga, breathwork and meditation that allows LGBTQ+ community members to continue their healing journey with somatic and mindfulness practices. For more details, visit the DC LGBTQ+ Community Center’s website.  

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Gloria Steinem dies at 92

Feminist icon championed LGBTQ rights

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Gloria Steinem speaks at the 2013 Human Rights Campaign National Dinner in D.C. (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

Gloria Steinem, writer, activist, and a leading voice of the feminist movement in the 1970s, died on Wednesday in Manhattan. Her death was announced on Instagram by her official foundation, Gloria’s Foundation, which shared that Steinem “passed away peacefully at her home, surrounded by some of the many who loved her.” She was 92.

A leading figure and spokesperson for the second-wave feminist movement, running from the 1960s through the ’80s — the earlier women’s rights suffrage movement being considered the first — Gloria Steinem campaigned for workplace equality, equality in the home and reproductive freedom, seeing those struggles as inseparable from the wider causes of social and racial equality.

She also championed LGBTQ rights, supporting lesbian visibility within the larger women’s liberation movement, and standing in opposition to the idea that lesbians posed a “lavender menace” to the cause of feminism.

In her vision of the future, marriage equality was a given: “Lesbians or homosexuals will no longer be denied legally binding marriages, complete with mutual-support agreements and inheritance rights.”

GLAAD President Sarah Kate Ellis said in a statement following Steinem’s death: “Gloria Steinem was a trailblazing titan of civil rights whose vision for liberation bridged the movements for gender equality, bodily autonomy, and LGBTQ rights. She recognized that feminist progress is incomplete without full inclusion and stood as an ally to transgender people’s fight for equality. Gloria rejected rigid binaries, choosing instead to build bridges of empathy and coalition across all marginalized identities. Gloria’s life was a masterclass in coalition-building, courage, and unconditional empathy.”

Among her many trailblazing milestones, Steinem was widely known for co-founding the National Women’s Political Caucus in 1971 alongside foundational feminist figures Bella Abzug, Shirley Chisholm, Betty Friedan, Fannie Lou Hamer, LaDonna Harris, Mildred Jeffrey, and Jill Ruckelshaus.

The mandate: get women into political office and positions of power — “women who are committed to the causes of other women — not women who are going to just imitate the male politics as it has been practiced all these years complete with elitism, racism and prejudice against women,” she said, “but women who really care about their sisters and will work for social reform.”

“This is no simple reform. It really is a revolution.”

Liz Abzug, daughter of Bella Abzug, remembers Steinem as “a lifelong activist and a humanist with lots of love to give,” as well as “a very, very close and dear friend of my mother’s,” as the two “worked side by side to change the American landscape for women.”

“It’s hard for me and all of her other supporters and admirers to imagine a world without Gloria leading the charge and fighting for women’s rights and full gender equality,” Abzug shared.

Indeed, there was much about that American landscape in need of change. Steinem came up during a time when discrimination against women was the legal and societal norm.

A married woman, for instance, often required her husband’s signature to obtain a credit card, a form of gender discrimination remedied in 1974 with the Equal Credit Opportunity Act. Women were often unable to get jobs. Life turned Steinem down, saying “We don’t want a pretty girl, we want a writer. Get out of here.” If women did land a job, in 1973, they would have likely made 56.6 cents to every dollar that men earned.

The law’s failure to support women’s autonomy was especially visible on the matter of reproductive rights.

For many women in America, legal abortion remained unavailable until 1973, when Roe v. Wade established a constitutional right to abortion nationwide. Steinem spent years speaking out for women’s safety, and promoted the idea that “decision-making power over our own physical selves” was intertwined with equal regard for women as citizens.

“The vast majority of women support safe and legal abortion. My response is if those legislators were half women, this wouldn’t happen,” she said in a 2022 interview with Katie Couric. “If we actually had a democracy, if those legislators looked like the country from a gender, racial, and class perspective, this probably would not be happening…”

Gloria Marie Steinem was born on March 25, 1934, in Toledo, Ohio, the daughter of Leo and Ruth (Nuneviller) Steinem. Her father was an antiques salesman; her mother had worked for a newspaper before she got married, but suffered what was called at the time a “nervous breakdown” and spent time in an institution. Following a divorce, her mother was left largely in the care of 11-year-old Gloria Steinem in a house that has been described as infested by vermin.

“I didn’t go to school a full year until I was 11 or 12, so I lived in books. I really was an observer of life,” Steinem said in a 2011 interview.

After moving to D.C. to live with her older sister, Susanne, Steinem graduated from Western High School in 1952. She followed Susanne to Smith College where she studied government and wrote for the student newspaper, graduating in 1956.

Upon moving to New York in 1960, she worked for Help! magazine and wrote freelance for publications that included Life, Esquire, and Glamour. According to Smith College Libraries, she co-founded New York magazine in 1968 and served as political columnist until 1972. In the 1960s and ’70s, Steinem was active in causes that included United Farmworkers, Vietnam War Tax Protest, and Committee for the Legal Defense of Angela Davis. She also participated in the political campaigns of Adlai Stevenson, Robert Kennedy, Shirley Chisholm, and others.

Steinem is said to have found her way to the Women’s Movement in 1969, following an abortion “speak-out” meeting of the Redstockings. She was inspired to begin speaking to audiences across the country, alongside activist Dorothy Pitman Hughes, and later Florynce Kennedy and Margaret Sloan.

Among Steinem’s most enduring legacies, and still in publication today, is Ms. magazine, which she co-founded. Widely considered the first national American feminist magazine (and owned, operated, and written by women!), it first appeared as a preview insert in New York Magazine in December 1971 with a tagline, “The New Magazine for Women.” Ms. earned status as a full-on publication in July 1972 with a cover image depicting a modern pregnant Hindu goddess Kali holding a clock, skillet, typewriter, rake, mirror, telephone, steering wheel, and an iron.

Ms. is credited with raising cultural awareness on policy issues, like the Equal Rights Amendment, taking on taboo topics and putting women’s issues front and center.

Steinem’s long list of published work includes the 1983 bestselling book Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions, a collection of her Ms. articles and other pieces. The book includes the feminist’s essay on her undercover exposé of the Playboy Club, for which she donned bunny ears, collar, and bow to covertly report on working conditions for women.

In 1986, she published “Marilyn: Norma Jeane,” which explored the life of Marilyn Monroe and the idea of women as vulnerable and at the disposal of society — men in particular.

Steinem also wrote “Revolution from Within” (1992); “Moving Beyond Words” (1994); and “Doing Sixty & Seventy” (2006). She was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2013 by President Barack Obama.

Steinem’s relationships over the years included Ted Sorensen, counselor to President John F. Kennedy; Stanley Pottinger, a Justice Department official; and publisher and real-estate businessman Mort Zuckerman. In 2000, she married South African businessman David Bale, who died in 2003.

Steinem was predeceased by her mother and her sister, Susanne Steinem Patch, who died in 2007. On multiple occasions, she spoke of a community that extended beyond birth family — people whom she chose, and who chose her.

“[Feminism is] about friends and sisters and community,” Steinem said in an interview with bell hooks. “The good part and the great part is that it’s about chosen family. We have each other’s backs and that is so precious.

In announcing Steinem’s passing, her foundation offered this reflection: “Gloria’s greatest gift was her ability to listen to others, to make others feel seen and heard. Her words, actions, and example gave people permission to be their truest selves. Gloria lived true to her independent spirit, always with curiosity and a great sense of humor.

“She spent her recent years doing the two things she loved most: being in community with others and writing … Gloria loved the tradition of lighting signal fires on hills to light the way to the other side of the mountain.”

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The mastery of love

The world knows Eric Anderson as Billy Porter’s partner, but in Rehoboth Beach, he has a story entirely his own

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Eric Anderson and Billy Porter met at a Christmas party and ended up talking until the sun came up. (Photo courtesy of Eric Anderson)

The world knows Eric Anderson as Billy Porter’s partner. In Rehoboth Beach, Del., he has a life — and a story — entirely his own.

My first time with Eric Anderson was hot — very hot. Before he arrived, I sat waiting, overthinking everything. When he finally appeared in a loose-fitting T-shirt and purple shorts, I understood why he attracts attention. Eric is the kind of man who changes the energy of a room simply by entering it.

After a quick hello, we got right to it. Techno pulsed through the room as Eric told me how to move, where to place my hands, when to breathe. My heart pounded. My muscles ached. I bent, twisted, and stretched while sweat ran down my back and burned my eyes. I didn’t bother wiping it away.

To be clear, Eric and I were not alone. Five other people were with us — and the yoga studio at SoulFire Collective in Rehoboth Beach was heated to 87 degrees.

“If you are always racing toward the next moment, what happens to the one you’re in?” Eric asked, opening his power yoga class and inviting us to leave whatever had followed us through the door and surrender to the present. Surrender did not come easily. At 58, I’ve done enough yoga to know the difference between discomfort and imminent death. Halfway through Eric’s relentless flow, the distinction began to blur.

A playlist of techno and remixed pop — including “Live Like You Were Dying” — carried us from one demanding pose to the next. Eric moved among the mats with the energy of a nightclub DJ and the calm of someone who trusted our bodies to go further than our minds believed possible. Nearly an hour later, when the music softened and I collapsed onto my back in savasana, he laid a cool cloth across my forehead. I exhaled — relieved, and maybe a little disappointed, that my first time with Eric was over.

At the end of my mat, a handwritten note congratulated me on my first class and invited me back — a small benediction after the storm. Then Eric closed the class by repeating the question with which he’d opened. For a man whose relationship with actor and singer Billy Porter has drawn him unexpectedly into the public eye, it sounded less like a yoga mantra than a personal creed.

The next time I meet Eric, there is air conditioning and caffeine. We are at Starbucks, where I deliberately order the largest drinks available, as though volume alone might buy me more time. He chooses a matcha, and I order herbal tea. My heart is pounding again, faster than the soft rock drifting from the speakers above us. Although I’ve already spent more than an hour with Eric, I know almost nothing about the man I’m about to interview.

Neither, it seems, does anyone else.

Celebrity outlets offer a handful of biographical details: a Rehoboth Beach teacher and yoga instructor with a master’s degree from Columbia University. Gay publications have been less restrained. One introduced him as Billy Porter’s “total hot stud,” called him “a snacc,” and praised his ability to “rock a Speedo.” Queerty distilled Eric’s identity to five words: “Porter is dating a teacher.”

All of it tells me how the world sees him. None of it tells me who he is.

I know from our text exchanges that Eric is slammed for time. He is scheduled to travel to New York later that day and fly to WorldPride Amsterdam the following afternoon. Billy is among the headliners for the opening-night Unity Concert and is also slated to perform at the Wedding Party XXL alongside KI/KI, Bimini, and the Vengaboys. Eric still has to pack. This, I’m beginning to understand, is part of loving someone famous: there is almost always an itinerary, another city, and a specific time and place Billy needs to be. Even here, with two untouched drinks between us, the clock is ticking.

Eric Anderson (Photo courtesy of Eric Anderson)

As soon as we sit down, I open my laptop, ready to get to work. My mind is focused on the list of questions I’ve prepared, and I’ve already anticipated the shape of most of his responses. Then I look up and see Eric sitting perfectly still, smiling, and taking in the moment. He hasn’t even taken a sip of his matcha yet.

I quietly close my laptop and breathe.

Within minutes, the interview softens into a conversation.

Eric earned a bachelor’s degree in history from the University of Delaware and a master’s in public school leadership from Teachers College, Columbia University. He began his career teaching mathematics before moving into school administration, eventually serving as vice president of the Charter School of Wilmington and head of school at Sussex Academy. Today, he teaches mathematics and social studies in the Cape Henlopen School District. He also coaches soccer and leads yoga classes at SoulFire Collective in Rehoboth Beach.

His return to the classroom was deliberate. Eric knows some people assumed there must be a story behind his leaving administration—that he had done something wrong or that teaching represented a demotion.

“I want to make it clear that I went back to teaching by choice,” he says.

As a child, Eric played school. Teaching has always felt natural to him, less like an occupation than an expression of who he is. Administration was different.

“It felt like work,” he says. “It wasn’t where my passion was, and it didn’t bring me joy. Going back into the classroom was simply me choosing joy.”

The more Eric talks, the clearer it becomes that teaching is not merely a job but a vocation. His mother is white and his father is Black, and growing up biracial was not always easy. “I saw the best and the worst of both,” he tells me. Those experiences helped shape his desire to become a teacher — to be the kind of person who could make a meaningful difference in a young person’s life.

Just then, Eric glances over his shoulder and locks eyes with someone across the room. He waves and flashes what is quickly becoming his signature smile. My first thought is that someone has recognized him as Billy Porter’s partner.

I’m wrong. It’s one of his former students.

Inevitably, our conversation turns to love — and to Billy. I’ve made it clear that I’m here to write about Eric, not Billy Porter. But separating the two entirely would be as artificial as defining Eric only by their relationship. Billy is now an essential part of his story.

Eric met Billy at a Christmas party hosted by mutual friends who had been trying to introduce them all night. It wasn’t easy — the party was crowded, and the two men never quite crossed paths. Eric stayed for the afterparty, where a friend nudged him and nodded toward the room: Billy was looking his way. Romance never crossed his mind.

Eventually, they started talking. Eric has never had much patience for small talk, and he wasn’t interested in cataloging which celebrities Billy knew. He skipped it entirely and went straight for the deeper questions — what Billy believed, how he saw the world, what mattered to him. They ended up at the kitchen table, trading life philosophies until 5 a.m.

What struck Eric most wasn’t the conversation’s length. It was its depth. Billy wasn’t who he expected. Neither was the conversation. By the time the sun was coming up, Eric was less surprised that they’d talked all night than by how much, it turned out, they had in common.

They had dinner the following evening, and Billy invited Eric to spend the weekend with him in New York. There, Billy took him to see Nicole Scherzinger in “Sunset Boulevard.” Right before the show started, he casually introduced Eric to a friend named Katy. Back in their seats, Eric asked how Billy knew her.

“BITCH,” Billy replied, “that is Miss K-A-T-Y P-E-R-R-Y!”

For all the glamour surrounding their courtship, Eric describes the foundation of their relationship in decidedly spiritual terms. His favorite book is don Miguel Ruiz’s The Mastery of Love, which explores how fear, expectation, and the need for approval can distort relationships. Its philosophy closely resembles Eric’s own.

On the surface, Eric and Billy inhabit different worlds. Eric is a deeply spiritual teacher rooted in a small coastal Delaware town. Billy is a celebrated actor and performer whose larger-than-life persona commands stages around the world. But when I ask Eric how the relationship works, he doesn’t hesitate.

“I know that I can be my authentic self with him, and he can be his with me,” he says. “We love each other unconditionally.”

The words could sound rehearsed. Coming from Eric, they don’t.

The red carpets, famous faces, and international travel are not what matter most.

“It’s all about the people,” he explains. “I love Billy’s family and friends, and he loves mine.”

Authenticity surfaces repeatedly in our conversation — not as an abstract ideal, but as Eric’s determination to trust what feels right for him, even when other people may not understand it. I tell him about growing up in Pittsburgh and spending much of my life trying to fit the person I was into the person the world expected me to be. Eric listens intently, then pauses before responding.

“Fuck the system.”

It is blunt, funny, and entirely consistent with the man sitting across from me. Dating Billy may have dramatically increased the number of strangers who have opinions about Eric, but it hasn’t increased the number whose opinions matter to him. He is remarkably unconcerned with what people he doesn’t know think — or say — about him. The attention is new. His response to it is not.

For Eric, authenticity isn’t about asking the world for permission to be yourself. It’s about deciding that permission was never the world’s to give.

That instinct—to look inward rather than outward for permission — predates Billy.

Eric initially turned to yoga for a practical reason: he wanted to improve his physical performance on the soccer field. It didn’t take long for him to realize that something else was happening. Yoga was strengthening his body, but it was also grounding him.

Over time, the physical practice became inseparable from the mental one. The poses, the heat, even the strength required to hold his body in place became less important than learning how to quiet the noise around him, stay present, and listen to himself. The man who had pushed me through an hour of sweat and discomfort wasn’t simply teaching people how to move their bodies. He was asking them to practice something he had learned to do himself.

That sense of being grounded has become particularly important in a relationship that often requires two people to live very different lives. Eric is quick to point out that he and Billy have separate careers, separate ambitions, and goals entirely their own. Neither expects the other to abandon an individual life simply because they have chosen to build a relationship together.

When Billy left for London to star in “Cabaret,” distance became part of their routine. They FaceTimed every day, a practice they continue whenever they are apart.

“I tell Billy everything,” Eric says.

Being authentic with Billy doesn’t require the two men to become more alike. If anything, the opposite seems true. They are comfortable following their own career paths, living separate lives when circumstances require it, and giving each other the freedom to pursue what matters individually. Then they come back together — not because either has put his own life on hold, but because they have chosen to share those lives with each other.

When we finally look at the time, nearly 90 minutes have passed. Eric still needs to pack. New York is waiting, Amsterdam after that, and somewhere there is undoubtedly an itinerary telling Billy exactly where he needs to be and when.

But for a while, neither of us was racing toward the next moment.

We were fully inside the one we were in.

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