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Lesbian Nigerian immigrant on struggle to come out

‘I wondered if I was the only African lesbian in the world’

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Nigeria, gay news, Washington Blade, Africa

 

Nigeria, gay news, Washington Blade, Africa, Nigerian

In addition to the challenges that many Americans face when coming out, first generation immigrants often face additional hardships.

There are many challenges for LGBT people whose sexual orientation or gender identity intersects with other identities, such as race, gender, or nationality. In addition to the challenges that many Americans face when coming out, first generation immigrants often face additional hardships.

I recently discussed this topic with a lesbian, Nigerian immigrant, who agreed to speak with me under the condition of anonymity. She is a 34-year-old woman who immigrated from Nigeria as a teenager. She attended college and graduate school, lives in the D.C. area, and is employed in a professional capacity.

“I’m doing this anonymously because being Nigerian and gay, it’s a safety issue,” she said. “I also want to spare my parents.”

Her parents have not been accepting of her sexuality. “When I first came out to someone in my family, it didn’t go well,” she noted. “I broke up with my girlfriend, retreated, and started dating men. I didn’t expect the extreme reaction from my family.  When my family learned about my being gay, there were threats.”

My source also discussed her internal struggle with being Nigerian and lesbian.  “When I came to America, I had no idea I was a lesbian.  When I was in college, I saw a woman’s body and started thinking and fantasizing about it. Because I didn’t have these feelings when I was younger, I thought it was something America did to me.”

She went through periods of identifying as bisexual, then lesbian, and, subsequently, taking it back before embracing her identity as a lesbian. She dated men and explored her feelings for women in college, but her first serious relationship was with a woman, while she was in graduate school. She has also been in a long-term relationship with a man, but did not feel the same level of passion and attraction that she does with women.

“Where I come from, my value as a woman is tied to getting married and having a kid,” she told me. Most people believe “that being gay is an idea that came from America, from the West. I have struggled with the idea that I can’t be lesbian and African. I didn’t have a frame of reference.” She asked herself, “How am I lesbian and African and an immigrant. I wondered if I was the only African lesbian in the world.”

My source has been disowned and re-owned and disowned again by her parents.  When her family gets together for the holidays, they usually do not invite her. When she sends her parents texts, they often do not respond. She also was fearful of “disappointing my parents so bad that they would want to hurt themselves.”

Part of her growth process has been that even “when my parents act like they don’t love me, it doesn’t cause me to act like I don’t love them. They helped me out so much.” She believes that “they feel betrayed that I chose something else over them and if I really love them and wasn’t so selfish, I would suck it up and marry a man.”

“To cope, I have grown a lot spiritually. For years, I thought about hurting myself. That’s the damage that this has done. The lying, the hiding, the fear. I did some therapy, but what has really helped me is my spirituality. I’m seeing in the eyes of God, I am gay and African and a woman. My approval rests less and less with my family and more with God.”

She has also been burdened by relatives who have told her that she can never go back to visit Nigeria. Over the years, she has come to realize that this is not true. One of her cousins in Nigeria knows that she is a lesbian and has said she can stay with her family. Another aunt has expressed support and wants to meet her girlfriend, who is also a first generation African immigrant. She now realizes that she has “some support if I live in my truth.”

She did this interview because she wants “people to know they are not alone. It’s possible to be lesbian and African and out. [She is out to family and friends, but has safety concerns about identifying herself in print.] I have a really good life. Who knows what’s going to happen next? I don’t have to choose between being African and my sexuality or between being African and being in a relationship.”

She is willing to talk directly to other LGBT immigrants who are struggling with similar circumstances. She can be reached by sending a request to me or to the Blade.

Lateefah Williams’ biweekly column, ‘Life in the Intersection,’ focuses on the intersection of race, gender and sexual orientation. She is a former president of the Gertrude Stein Democratic Club. Reach her at [email protected] or follow her on Twitter @lateefahwms.

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New doc chronicles gay hero’s journey from rape to forgiveness

‘I Am’ embraces message of acceptance, love, compassion

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A scene from 'I Am.' (Screen capture via Sinconis Studios/YouTube)

Two award-winning filmmakers produced the documentary film “I Am.” It’s about my Hero’s Journey to overcome a trauma involving anti-LGBT bias. It also features the significant role that the popular comedian Stephen Colbert is playing in this 92,000-mile ongoing mission. A powerfully crafted and impactful film released just in time to celebrate Pride month.

The Arizona filmmakers Ethan and Aidan Sinconis are high school twin brothers. These strong LGBT allies were awarded the best student film in the U.S. in 2024, beating out more than 2,000 entries. The guys then followed up that major accomplishment by using their artistic talent to take on this bold, new film project telling my story to the world.

I shared my adventure with Blade readers back in late 2023 after I experienced a brutal rape and beating at the hands of three men who entered my Phoenix home. I sustained significant injuries.

It was determined that anti-LGBT bias was involved in the police response. I made a chilling 911 call for help. The dispatcher listened helplessly as I was being attacked during that phone call. The three men were surrounding me in the bloody crime scene when the four officers arrived. Three smoking guns. No arrests were made.

History has shown that LGBT folks can’t always rely on the criminal justice system to be there for us. But we can still find peace, happiness, love, and success. The film addresses how I’ve been doing that by continuing on this exhilarating and riveting journey that’s now taken me across the U.S. and Mexico in pursuit of my goal for 3,473 consecutive days and counting.

The film explains the connection to “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.” A fortuitous moment of laughter from that TV comedy show stopped me from dying by suicide at 10:44 p.m. on Nov. 2, 2015. That was the call to action I answered.

That spark sent me heading out on an adventure. To learn how to re-engage and trust people again after badly isolating. To learn how to process the anti-LGBT bias and trauma, and to get written support from total strangers in my dedicated mission to become a guest on “The Late Show” at 53rd and Broadway in NYC. 

But this documentary is far more than a story about me and my efforts to escape the abyss, despair, and depression that had cloaked me in darkness for so long. This is also a story of 34,291 complete strangers from all walks of life coming together one at a time to help a guy in trouble.

The documentary has elements of the classic movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” in it. Especially the memorable part where Uncle Billy tells George Bailey, “Mary did it, George. Mary did it. She told a few people you were in trouble, and they scattered all over town collecting money. They didn’t ask any questions. Just said if George is in trouble. Count on me.”

That’s what these 34,291 Good Samaritans did for me as I scattered all over the country meeting them. They didn’t ask any questions. They heard I was in trouble and trying to recover from the trauma and get to a goal. They each let me know through their kindness, hugs, and written words that I could count on them.

Perhaps what I like the most about the film is how Ethan and Aidan laid the foundation for who “I Am.” They show that I Am a brother, colleague, son, spouse, survivor, nephew, neighbor, grandson, uncle, friend, and cousin. I Am plenty more than just a gay man. I Am Blake.

Back in the summer of 2020, Pope Francis mailed a personal letter to me and expressed his gratitude for sharing my story with him. Gosh how I wish he was alive to see this completed film. It would have made his heart full. He was all about what this documentary represents. It’s not about revenge, anger, hatred, or sadness. It’s about acceptance, unity, love, empathy, compassion, and forgiveness.

It’s understandable for us in the LGBT community to want to respond with anger in situations like this. Our community has been through centuries of harassment, bullying, discrimination, and bias. But I’ve realized it’s more productive and healing to move past the anger. To use our energy to inform, entertain, and inspire individuals.

That’s what this documentary is about. A beautiful message of hope, support, and optimism for Pride month and beyond. A stand up and cheer film proudly coming out of our resilient community. Fingers crossed for an Academy Award nomination for “I Am.” Much deserved for a film very well done by Ethan and Aidan.

The documentary “I Am” can be found at SinconisStudios.com or on YouTube.


Ron Blake lives in Phoenix and can be reached at [email protected] or @BlakeLateShow on Instagram.

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US hate groups fuel anti-LGBTQ rights movement in Africa

Anti-LGBTQ conference took place this month in Nairobi

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A Nairobi hotel the Kenya Red Cross owns hosted an anti-LGBTQ conference earlier this month.

“Protecting and Promoting Family Values in Challenging Times.” This was the theme of the 2nd annual Pan-African Conference on Family Values that concluded last week in Nairobi, Kenya. 

For months, organizers have been inundating local media with advertisements, promising to equip participants with tools to “safeguard our values.” One highly circulated poster even boasts U.S. Secretary of State Marco Rubio as a special invited guest (though he did not attend.) And each mention sent chills down our spines. 

This conference, one of several planned across Africa, was sponsored by U.S.-based anti-rights groups including the Family Research Council, the Political Network for Values and the Center for Family and Human Rights, each known for targeting LGBTQI+ and reproductive rights worldwide. To those of us in the LGBTQI+ community who’ve been fighting rising homophobia, this conference was more than a convening. A gauntlet is being thrown down, one that will fuel the momentum of anti-rights efforts in Kenya, one that threatens all of Africa.

To be sure, this burden is not ours alone to bear. The actors pushing their bigoted agenda in Kenya and beyond are the same ones driving policies that block abortion access, whip up anti-immigration sentiments and spread transphobia in the U.S. and beyond. It is imperative that all communities (local and international) jealously guard against such maneuvering. These hatemongers are taking aim at our sovereignty and social constructs. They seek to woo with the proverbial beads and cloth, while simultaneously annexing that which we hold dear. This is not just an LGBTQI+ issue. This is about our inherent human rights and dignity. We need to hold the line.

In Kenya, we knew our hard-won gains for the LGBTQI+ community were in jeopardy when President William Ruto came into office in 2022. He has since been very vocal about his conservative views, perhaps reluctant to alienate himself from his predominantly Christian religious leader sycophants. Nevertheless, we’ve won significant legal battles in recent years, including in 2023 when the Kenyan Supreme Court ruled that LGBT organizations can legally register with words like “gay” and “lesbian” in their names.

Over the years, however, the anti-rights movement has been cultivating allies across Africa to further their agenda. Organizations like Family Watch International, Center for Family and Human Rights and the World Congress of Families (all deemed hate groups by the Southern Poverty Law Center) have made inroads with influential political leaders with talk of the “natural family,” a narrative that espouses the Western ideal of a nuclear family. In reality, these views run counter to traditional African communal views on family. It is ironic, therefore, that anti-rights actors accuse the gay rights movement of importing Western ideas even as they are readily adopting Western cultural norms. 

Our political leaders are being indoctrinated into a culture of hate and division. And global convenings, like the Pan-African Conference on Family Values, are chief among their propaganda tools. In fact, it was after attending one such gathering, the “V Transatlantic Summit” in New York in 2023, that Kenyan MP Peter Kaluma proposed the Family Protection Bill which seeks to ban same-sex relationships and curtail sexual and reproductive health rights, among other measures.

In the past, we could count on the U.S. to keep our political leaders in check. Not anymore. President Trump’s attacks on the queer community in the U.S. have only emboldened the anti-queer movement in Kenya. Anti-rights groups are coming back with renewed vigor to amend our constitution and dismantle all human rights protections. They are already instigating violence and stirring anti-gay sentiment, particularly on social media. Kenyans are losing their jobs or being overly scrutinized at work. An ever-increasing number of LGBTQ+ community members access our online mental health services in deep distress and anxiety about the future. 

We will not back down, however. Ahead of the conference, we delivered a petition signed  by more than two dozen human rights activists and groups lambasting Kenya Red Cross for allowing the Pan-African Conference on Family Values to be held at its property, the Boma Hotel. How can an organization dedicated to the health and wellbeing of marginalized groups be complicit in an event that stigmatizes and incites harm against the very same people? We’ve also been organizing and strategizing with our allies around community safety, legal rights, hate crime monitoring, and resource mobilization.

Make no mistake, this hate will not stop with Kenya. This conference was part of a larger playbook, and any victories here will propel the anti-right’s cruel campaign throughout Africa. We only need to look to our neighbor Uganda and their Anti-Homosexuality Act as proof. It is widely known that Family Watch International influenced the drafting of this law. The same language that criminalizes homosexuality and imposes the death penalty in certain cases was copied and pasted into Kenya’s proposed Family Protection Bill.

Life and liberty as we all know it is very much in jeopardy. Some may be living too much in survival mode to see it. But without a doubt, we are all on a rollercoaster ride to a place where no one is safe. 

Lorna Dias is the outgoing executive coordinator of galck+, a coalition of 18 LGBTQ+ organizations defending human rights and fighting for equality and justice for all in Kenya. Melody Njuki is a communications officer at Initiative for Equality and Non-Discrimination (INEND).

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WorldPride begins — let’s hope it ends well

D.C. events kick off despite boycotts, Trump attacks

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(Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

As WorldPride begins with Trans Pride on May 17,, we can only hope when it is over on June 9t we will all be raving about its success. 

When D.C. first got designated as host city in November 2022, after Taiwan didn’t work out, there were initial estimates of 2.5 to 3 million people showing up in D.C. to party and celebrate. We talked about this 50th anniversary of Pride as celebrating five decades of advocacy, visibility, and unity, for the LGBTQ community in Washington, D.C., honoring the past, celebrating the present, and inspiring the future.

Anticipation was greatly tempered when Trump, the felon, racist, anti-trans homophobe, liar, and all-around SOB, won the election in November 2024. Then the planning became more difficult and stressful. But here we are and the excitement is palpable. The signs are up around D.C. and Mayor Muriel Bowser, who has been so great for the LGBTQ community, is walking a tightrope to keep D.C. afloat, never knowing what the felon in the White House will do next. To her credit, she is doing an amazing job keeping him at bay. But his vicious anti-trans positions, and his general homophobia, have put a cloud over WorldPride. His immigration policies have led countries around the world to tell their citizens to be very wary if they come to the United States. It is projected as foreign tourists stay away, the United States could lose $12.5 billion this year. 

Despite all that, the people at Capital Pride Alliance, who are running WorldPride, have done a commendable job of putting together a program for everyone. From the Human Rights Conference, to the parade, to the festival, where Cynthia Erivo will perform. Shakira will be doing the opening concert at Nat’s stadium, and there are more superstars at the dance party at the RFK site, that should be the site of the new Commanders domed stadium by 2030. 

But let us never forget all this is taking place at a time when the United States has a president who is creating havoc in the world and embarrassing us even among our allies. He is a liar and a grifter, a man who thinks nothing of putting people’s lives in danger whether it is sending people illegally to prisons in El Salvador, or creating a culture so nasty, a trans person takes their life in their hands just walking down the street. 

He surrounds himself with people like Stephen Miller who wants to suspend habeas corpus, and his Nazi sympathizing co-president, Elon Musk, who just got Trump to invite a bunch of racist South Africans to move here. It’s going on while we have a Secretary of HHS, RFK, Jr., who takes his grandchildren swimming in a polluted creek, and tells others to risk their children’s lives by avoiding vaccines. A president who has cut $800 million in grants from NIH meant to do research to save lives in the LGBTQ community, along with cutting grants and programs that have worked successfully to save people in Africa from dying of HIV/AIDS, malaria, and polio. This is what we are dealing with. Like it or not, this is the backdrop to WorldPride 2025.

Yet, if we give in to this horror, we make it even worse. WorldPride is a way we say to people here in the United States, and those around the world, we in the LGBTQ community are never going back into the closet. We are proud, we are smart, and we are valuable. We make the world a better place, and we will continue to do so despite the pig who occasionally sits in the Oval Office when he is not out golfing or grifting. We can never allow the gay Republicans who make excuses for him, the gay Secretary of the Treasury who has yet to speak out for his community, to go unchallenged. Their silence hurts us as much as the felon sitting in the Oval Office because as the Blade wrote, they are traitors.  It is unfortunate, but once again the slogan silence = death has never been more real.

So, speak up, speak out, never stay quiet. Let the world know you are here, and you care. Your life is important and fuck them if they don’t understand that or value it. 


Peter Rosenstein is a longtime LGBTQ rights and Democratic Party activist.

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