a&e features
Young and proud
20 youths reflect on coming out early and misconceptions about millennials
(Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)
Youth Pride will be here soon. LGBT young people from all over the D.C. area will spend Saturday, May 2 from noon-5 p.m. in Dupont Circle enjoying performances, games, speakers, testimonials and more (details at youthpridealliance.org).
To celebrate this year’s event, Washington Blade staff teamed up with SMYAL to profile 20 local youths 20 and under. Their perspectives encompass the full range of queer teen experience from bullying and harassment to acceptance and joy.
Carolyn Kidd (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)
NAME: Carolyn Kidd
AGE: 20
RESIDENCE: Maryland
ID AS: genderqueer/queer
CAME OUT: senior year of high school
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
The reaction of my peers has mostly been positive. However when I attended Duquesne University, a Catholic university in Pittsburgh, I experienced bigotry and “aversion” to “the gay lifestyle.” At St. Mary’s College of Maryland, I experienced a kind of gay euphoria and was accepted … and was able to start a club for trans students.
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
My family and friends reacted positively, however my parents were concerned about how being out would impact my future.
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
There have been no overt downsides to being out, but hearing people openly badmouth the LGBT community is hard.
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
The hardest is constantly being misgendered whether it’s being called “sir,” “young lady” or using the wrong pronouns.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
No
6. What is the biggest misconception LGBT Boomers and Gen Xers have about LGBT Millennials?
That trans people are cross dressers and confused. Trans folks are often excluded.
Jason Adle (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)
NAME: Jason Adle
AGE: 16
RESIDENCE: Gaithersburg, Md.
ID AS: gay
CAME OUT: 2010-ish
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
The reaction at school has been neutral at worst and encouraging at best. For the most part, encouraging and supportive.
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
By and large, supportive and positive.
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
The main benefit is that there is no stress to not be yourself. You can be you to the Nth degree.
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
The worst part is having to deal with those who you did not want to know your identity at a certain time. But on the flip side, it is absolutely great not having to feel trapped in being something you’re not.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
I did. It was a great time to hang out with friends and meet new people and learn about/interact with organizations that were helping further the cause.
6. What is the biggest misconception LGBT Boomers and Gen Xers have about LGBT Millennials?
I think the biggest disconnect is how aware Millennials appear to be in regard to LGBT history. We may not have lived in certain parts of LGBT history, but we are well aware of the events that have led to today.
Azariah Kurlantzick (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key.
NAME: Azariah Kurlantzick
AGE: 17
RESIDENCE: Potomac, Md.
ID AS: queer/trans boy
CAME OUT: May 2011 as bi (in seventh grade); summer 2012 as transgender, just before ninth grade
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
When I first came out as bi, I was attending a Jewish day school so it was sometimes weird for me when taking part in class discussions on whether homosexuality is a sin, but reactions were generally fine. I was still at that school when I came out as transgender and I did encounter some people who refused to use my new name and pronouns, but with the help of Keshet, a Jewish LGBT organization, I was met with support.
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
My family and friends have been very accepting and although my Jewish community had a bad reaction initially, it has become more positive. Now that I’m attending public school for the first time in 11th grade, I hear a lot of homophobic slurs directed at me in class and in the halls, but whenever I talk to people, they seem accepting.
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
A big benefit of being out is that I feel more comfortable now exploring my gender presentation. Before, I felt the need to present as very masculine so that people might read me as a girl. Now, though, I feel more comfortable doing things like dying my hair pink because I can assume that most people do not see me as a girl.
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
The best part is that I am now part of a wonderful community that I wouldn’t have access to were I still in the closet.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
It was a good event, but adults there kept referring to the trans people I was with as ladies.
6. What is the biggest misconception LGBT Boomers and Gen Xers have about LGBT Millennials?
That there are fewer of us than there actually are and that all of us are cisgender.
Carly Carter (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)
NAME: Carly Carter
AGE: 18
RESIDENCE: Herndon, Va.
ID AS: lesbian/queer
CAME OUT: March 26, 2014
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
Not a huge one. People were surprised but otherwise I didn’t get a lot of response. Occasionally, I hear a mean comment, but usually people are really supportive.
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
My friends are great! I could not have picked better friends. Most of us are queer actually, so that works out great. My mom and dad are still adjusting. … they have overall been crazy supportive. Not a mean word has ever come out of their mouths.
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
Getting to be more open and honest with people is a huge plus. Also meeting a bunch of queer friends whom I love being in touch with. I would never have met them had I not been out.
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
There are challenges with everything — being out is not an exception.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
No, I didn’t know about it.
6. What is the biggest misconception LGBT Boomers and Gen Xers have about LGBT Millennials?
That we have it easy or that the hardships they had to face are gone now.
Autumn Smith (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)
NAME: Autumn Smith
AGE: 18
RESIDENCE: D.C.
ID AS: male
CAME OUT: 2013
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
That I was “cool for being a gay guy” except when I wore women’s jewelry.
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
My family doesn’t talk about it. Friends are cool and it’s all good until I wear a dress.
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
Oh yes!
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
Harassment, weird looks.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
Yes! It was amazing as always.
6. What is the biggest misconception LGBT Boomers and Gen Xers have about LGBT Millennials?
That our struggles can’t compare with theirs.
LC (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)
NAME: LC (Lauren Collins)
AGE: 16
RESIDENCE: Herndon, Va.
ID AS: bisexual
CAME OUT: eighth grade
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
Mixed — positive from close friends, but neutral to negative from the student body.
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
Mom has come around and is supportive now. Dad said a couple insensitive things but he’s always supported me. My church and community are pretty OK with it.
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
Being able to interact with openly queer friends and being able to share my relationships publicly. Downsides are backlash at school and it’s harder to fly under the radar.
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
Feeling like a representative for all queer people.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
N/A
6. What is the biggest misconception LGBT Boomers and Gen Xers have about LGBT Millennials?
That we’re just “confused” or saying we’re queer or trans just because it’s “trendy.”
Katie Barack (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)
NAME: Katie Barack
AGE: 19
RESIDENCE: McLean, Va.
ID AS: queer
CAME OUT: April 2013
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
I’ve been accepted by the community as someone who could fall in love with someone of any gender. However, I go to a “same-sex” boarding school, so all of my gender questioning has been pretty private. I’ve had to give a lot of advice to underclassmen. I love the leadership role and being the only out student has made me find an incredible community.
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
My family is very supportive. While my friends at school are supportive, my friends from home in the Midwest can be very ignorant and tend to make me feel “other.”
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
I feel excluded often and school dances are awkward. In my tux, I’m called “sharp” while all the other students in dresses are called “gorgeous.”
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
I’ve found a community I would never trade. I love finding other queer people. Questioning my gender is something I’ve only recently come out about. It sucks that my high school diploma probably won’t have the name I use on it. I wish I could use the right pronouns and name, but I’m at an all-girls school. I’ve had to work my ass off to get us to be aware of transgender students and the need for accommodating policies.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
No
6. What is the biggest misconception LGBT Boomers and Gen Xers have about LGBT Millennials?
Transgender people are viewed as outsiders of the community by the older generation. Cultural intersectionality is ignored.
Lia Warner (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)
NAME: Lia Warner
AGE: 16
RESIDENCE: Chesapeake, Va.
ID AS: lesbian
CAME OUT: 14
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
I was really lucky to be a member of a very accepting track and cross-country team, so in the locker room, I felt a lot safer than I anticipated. But I still heard homophobic slurs and comments elsewhere at school.
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
My parents have been overwhelmingly supportive as have my friends. Many members of the community as well, but that’s not to say it’s been 100 percent positive.
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
A benefit would be, of course, the ability to be myself and be true to my identity with those I love. The downside, where I live is overwhelmingly homophobic and discriminatory.
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
The hardest — when people look at me in a different and negative light. The best — my ability to be myself publicly and help others in my GSA.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
No, I did not know about SMYAL or that event. I did go to Hampton Roads Pride, which was fabulous.
6. What is the biggest misconception LGBT Boomers and Gen Xers have about LGBT Millennials?
They believe this is a phase or that we’re somehow a mistake.
Rico Jones (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)
NAME: Rico Jones
AGE: 15
RESIDENCE: none given
ID AS: bisexual
CAME OUT: This year
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
Mixed — happiness from some who were proud of me, but also a lot of bullying most of the time. I’ve been called a lot of names and picked on by many others.
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
My friends were all by my side and have wished me happiness and the best of luck.
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
Benefits: happy to have found myself in so many ways, love and freedom. Downsides: bullying.
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
Bullying and the feeling that people think because you’re gay, you think you deserve special rights or treatment.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
No, I wish I had.
6. What is the biggest misconception LGBT Boomers and Gen Xers have about LGBT Millennials?
Being myself and being free and showing other people that we can be the change.
Sasha Jarvis (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)
NAME: Sasha Jarvis
AGE: 18
RESIDENCE: Derwood, Md.
ID AS: bisexual
CAME OUT: ninth grade
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
Neutral
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
I’ve had a pretty positive reaction. The first person I came out to was my friend Kathryn and it felt so nice until she decided she had to tell her mom. So that was super uncomfortable because I wasn’t even out to my own parents. My favorite thing was when I casually dropped the word “girlfriend” without getting any kind of extreme response. That was affirming.
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
I haven’t really felt any downsides personally but it is rewarding to not be sitting quietly and letting homophobes slide out of fear of judgment.
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
It’s annoying to hear hetero-normative language from people close to me. Like hearing my mom say my sisters and I should live alone or with a girlfriend (as in a female friend) before getting married. It hurts to not have my identity respected, even in small ways.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
Yes! I love being able to share my queer community life with my school friends.
6. What is the biggest misconception LGBT Boomers and Gen Xers have about LGBT Millennials?
I think the biggest misconception is that we’re all just following trends.
Gavin Calvin (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)
NAME: Gavin Calvin
AGE: 16
RESIDENCE: Clarksburg, Md.
ID AS: transgender
CAME OUT: 8th grade
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
Very supportive and loving.
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
They were not surprised and supported me fully.
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
Strangers not understanding my choices and judging.
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
I’m more comfortable around my peers and am happier living as who I truly am.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
No
6. What is the biggest misconception LGBT Boomers and Gen Xers have about LGBT Millennials?
(My generation) seems to think LGBT Boomers are reckless and carefree. My experience with Gen. Xers is that they think how we are is a choice and is wrong.
Erika Johnson (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)
NAME: Erika Johnson
AGE: 18
RESIDENCE: Clinton, Md.
ID AS: lesbian
CAME OUT: 9th grade
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
I received a pretty positive reaction from my friends and teachers. A lot of my friends were shocked and surprised but very supportive.
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
My family on the other hand, doesn’t really understand. Most of them don’t know I’m out, but the few I trust fully support.
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
The benefit of being out is that there are so many people I can relate to on a personal level. Being out has given me the spunk to go forth with my advocacy. The downside of being out is that not a lot of people fully understand my new points. Coming out in the ninth grade has been very stressful because I still feel like I’m hiding.
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
The hardest part about being out is that it is hard trying to express myself in front of people. I’m partially in the closet and partially not. The best part is that I can come to SMYAL and feel like the true me. SMYAL has made this process 100 percent easier. There are still some obstacles I have to get over, but I am a strong woman who can do anything.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
Yes! It was amazing. It was a pleasure meeting more SMYAL folks and getting to learn about queer youth experiences.
6. What is the biggest misconception LGBT Boomers and Gen Xers have about LGBT Millennials?
That we spend too much time “complaining” about what we need when we are really just speaking the truth.
Selvi Ulusan (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)
NAME: Selvi Ulusan
AGE: 16
RESIDENCE: Bethesda, Md.
ID AS: queer/bi
CAME OUT: June 20, 2013
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
Surprise mostly. I don’t think everyone knows quite yet actually. I don’t tell everyone I meet automatically but if anyone asks, I tell them the truth.
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
My friends were very supportive. My family kind of already saw it coming but my little sister was great. So nice!
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
Benefits: I am who I am and people knowing doesn’t change that, but they just know a little bit more about me. Downsides: there was a lot of “are you sure?” or just “weirded out” reactions. Some people just didn’t believe me, but that’s not my problem.
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
Hardest: That I feel like I have to keep coming out every time I tell someone else. Best is letting people know a little more of who I am.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
I have been to the Capital Pride parade and festival the last two years, but not Youth Pride. The first year I went to Pride, it was amazing. I met a girl who made all of my unanswered questions about myself incredibly clear.
6. What is the biggest misconception LGBT Boomers and Gen Xers have about LGBT Millennials?
That it’s just a choice or just how you feel and that you can only be attracted to one gender.
Temitayo Wolff (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)
NAME: Temitayo Wolff
AGE: 18
RESIDENCE: D.C.
ID AS: queer girl (panromantic, grey-asexual)
CAME OUT: beginning of 11th grade/end of 2013
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
Within a specific community, I’ve received so much love and support. My friend group is super gay. I haven’t received much open hostility. Some people have a lot of questions.
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
My mom wishes I would stop saying words like “pansexual,” which she never heard. I think she accepts my identity even though it doesn’t make sense to her. My dad is also a little confused but he is supportive of my identity, activism and presentation. I have a much younger sister and I think coming out has made her more accepting and socially aware.
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
I’ve been really lucky to experience more benefits than downsides when I came out. Coming out provided me with a community of really supportive queer friends online and in D.C. The main downside is tension with my mother.
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
The best — my queer-platonic partner and my girlfriend.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
I did attend and had a lot of fun. I appreciate Youth Pride as a space that doesn’t have alcohol and nearly as many people as Capital Pride. However a lot of my friends were consistently misgendered both by peers and by adults who were running the programs, which was disappointing that an event that is supposed to be safe for trans people makes assumptions about people’s gender and reinforces that non-existent binary.
6. What is the biggest misconception LGBT Boomers and Gen Xers have about LGBT Millennials?
I think older folks feel like we are undermining a lot of the work they did with our own activism. When we use social media as a platform for advocacy, they think we are being lazy or unproductive. When we reclaim “queer” as a self-identifier, they think we are disrespecting their struggle to eliminate the use of that word. When we advocate for lesser-known identities like asexuality, pansexuality and non-binary genders, they think we are just making up new words and new forms of oppression when they fought so hard just for basic recognition of the L, G, B and T. I think older LGBTQ folks need to recognize that queer young people of color exist.
NAME: Lance M. Coates III (Lacyy Coates)
AGE: 20
RESIDENCE: D.C.
ID AS: trans woman, early transition stage
CAME OUT: 16
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
I have received mixed reactions at various schools.
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
My family and friends have been supportive while the community as a whole has been very hostile to the point of gay bashing.
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
I have become more inspired to live my life openly by the girls at Casa Ruby.
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
Being able to be myself is the best part.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
Yes, it was a very happy experience.
6. What is the biggest misconception LGBT Boomers and Gen Xers have about LGBT Millennials?
They don’t really interact with us or teach us the ways.
Ebony Rempson (Photo courtesy of Ebony Rempson)
NAME: Ebony Rempson
AGE: 20
RESIDENCE: D.C.
ID AS: queer
CAME OUT: 2009
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
In high school, it varied from shock and disgust to understanding.
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
I had problems with my family at first, especially since I was outed by a family member but things got better. My friends have always been loving. Communities that I’ve found myself a part of have been great support systems and always served as places where I could seek validation.
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
I wouldn’t have had a chance to grow the way I did and share my unique story with people had I not been out.
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
The hardest part about being out as queer has been knowing that there is a third strike against me in the heteronormative and patriarchal society, strikes one and two being black and a woman.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
Yes and it’s always positive. There’s nothing better than a sense of community.
6. What is the biggest misconception LGBT Boomers and Gen Xers have about LGBT Millennials?
That we’re lazy and self absorbed.
NAME: Shantel Jordan
AGE: 17
RESIDENCE: Arlington, Va.
ID AS: queer/trans
CAME OUT: 2013
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
My close friends were very supportive. Some other students didn’t understand and made some pretty harsh comments.
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
Family was mixed — they were upset at first, but are now mostly supportive.
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
The big benefit is being able to be myself. It’s very refreshing not to have to hide.
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
Hearing from people that God doesn’t like gay people. That was hard.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
I did. I enjoyed it.
6. What is the biggest misconception LGBT Boomers and Gen Xers have about LGBT Millennials?
That we just want to play on our phones and aren’t really serious about anything.
NAME: James Rosenstein
AGE: 15
RESIDENCE: Arlington, Va.
ID AS: queer
CAME OUT: 2014
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
I had a number of people ask if I really thought I was gay or if it was a phase but most of my friends were great. They really accept me for me.
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
My family has been really great. They wanted to talk a lot when I first told them, but they have always been very supportive.
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
I get some comments from other students from time to time, but I’d still rather be out.
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
Being able to be honest with my friends and parents.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
I did. I liked it but I couldn’t stay for the entire thing.
6. What is the biggest misconception LGBT Boomers and Gen Xers have about LGBT Millennials?
That young people don’t want to be active in church. I am very active in my church but I understand that many LGBTQ young people don’t want to be.
NAME: Chance
AGE: 18
RESIDENCE: Arlington, Va.
ID AS: gender queer
CAME OUT: 2013
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
Some people said I was the first queer person they had met. Some said they weren’t sure what queer was so I had to spend some time talking to people in my school. I don’t know if everyone was OK with the answer but most people seemed to be open-minded.
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
Most of my family is OK with it. I know I have some people who don’t like the fact that I’m not straight, but I’m OK with that.
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
The only downside has been hearing from friends that other people don’t want to hang out with me. That really sucks, but I’m still glad I came out.
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
The best part has been my relationship with my girlfriend. I don’t think we would be together if I wasn’t out.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
I did not.
6. What is the biggest misconception LGBT Boomers and Gen Xers have about LGBT Millennials?
I would say that some older people don’t really understand LGBTQ young people. I’ve had older people ask why I want to be called queer.
NAME: Maya Parker
AGE: 20
RESIDENCE: D.C.
ID AS: bisexual
CAME OUT: freshman year of high school
1. What kind of reaction have you received being out at school?
I wasn’t accepted at first as I was one of the first in my high school to come out. I got made fun of mainly by the boys. I figured they were jealous. It somehow was an inspiration to the other girls in the school as they began to come out as well.
2. How have your family, friends and community reacted?
My family pretty much thought of it as a phase. I guess they have swept it under the rug. My friends didn’t like it too well. They started acting uncomfortable around me and not wanting to get dressed in front of me. People heard bisexual and figured I was looking at every woman that would walk past me. My community didn’t react much as I’m more on the feminine side. I’ve only really gotten reaction by my community if I was seen with a more dominant female.
3. Have there been any benefits/downsides to being out?
I actually get to be myself. It gives me a sort of confidence where I can walk outside with my head high without feeling like I have a dark secret.
4. What’s been the hardest or best part of being out?
People thinking you’re “playing both sides of the fence.” It’s hard to get a woman to understand that you’re serious about her when she knows you like men and with men, they can’t seem to get the thought of two women and themselves out of their heads.
5. Did you go to Youth Pride last year?
No
a&e features
The ultimate guide to queer gift giving
Perfect presents for everyone from roommates to soulmates
Searching for special deliveries for that special someone? Consider these elf-approved, consciously curated presents perfect for everyone from roommates to soulmates.
Star Wars Home Collection
Movie nights in bed get a comfort upgrade from the Force – for those who uphold Jedi code in the streets but embrace the Dark Side in the sheets – with Sobel Westex’s Star Wars Home Collection, five- to seven-piece twin, queen and king sets suitable for either alliance. Cop a bootleg of the infamous “Star Wars Holiday Special” (legal copies don’t exist, nor has it been rebroadcast since its one-and-only airing in 1978) and settle in for a snacky screening with premade Johnson’s Popcorn (a Jersey Shore staple) or Pop ’N Dulge’s DIY gourmet kits. SobelAtHome.com, $350-$390; JohnsonsPopcorn.com, $27+; PopNDulge.com, $23
Bird Buddy Smart Feeder
Avian enthusiasts get up close and semi-personal with feathered friends thanks to the Bird Buddy smart feeder that allows safe viewing via a solar-powered, app-enabled camera, along with adorable add-ons like a suet ball holder and three-in-one nutrition set to keep the neighborhood’s population happy and healthy. MyBirdBuddy.com, $299-$415
Link x Lou Permanent Jewelry Pop-Ups
Jewelry – but make it an experience. That’s the premise behind Link x Lou, a quick-fitting accessory service providing recipients with in-person appointments for custom-linked, clasp-less 14-karat white- and yellow-gold necklaces, bracelets, anklets, and rings that wear until they’re worn out. Money’s on ’em lasting longer than the situationship you’ve got goin’, but may the odds be ever in your favor. LinkxLou.com, $55-$500
Orttu Shelton Puffer
Guess who’s coming to dinner? It’s you as an alt-timeline Tom of Finland in Orttu’s fully quilted, oversized Shelton Puffer comprised of double-layered high-sheen fabric and press-stud fastening that results in a slick style statement vers-er than you are. Orttu.com, $203
Winter Discovery Mini Scented Candle Set
Apotheke takes the guesswork out of choosing just the right ambiance-inducing aroma with its Winter Discovery Mini Scented Candle Set, featuring six fragrant two-ounce tins in seasonal smells that include birchwood apple, black cypress, blackberry honey, cardamon chestnut, charred fig, and firewood (with a combined 90-hour burn time), and packaged in a nostalgically illustrated gift box accentuated by festive gold detailing. ApothekeCo.com, $64
Polaris General 1000 Sport
Resort communities across the country have adopted golf carts as a preferred mode of transportation, and you can establish yourself as a local baddie in Polaris’ General 1000 Sport – in ethereal colorways like ghost gray – equipped with a four-stroke DOHC twin-cylinder engine, 100 horsepower, 1,500-pound hitch-towing capacity, and enough street cred for Boomers to shake their fists at. Polaris.com, $17,500+
‘Arquivistas’ Crystal Book
Brazilian crystal devotee Tatiana Dorow has curated an impressive collection of more than 1,000 rare and exquisite minerals – ranging from one ounce to over 5,000 pounds – the comprehensive record of which is now compiled in the sizable coffee-table tome “Arquivistas” (Portuguese for archivist) that’s sure to satisfy, delight, and provide endless holiday-party talking points to the New Agers in your life. (You know they will.) ArtAndAnthropologyPress.com, $350
Bovem Globe Trimmer 2.0
There are plenty of manscaping tools on the market, but perhaps none are designed with your delicate bits in mind like the handsome second-gen Bovem Globe body and groin trimmer with its ergonomic textured grip, powerful 6500 RPM with low vibration, varying guards, and replaceable TrimSafe blades that tidy you up without cutting skin or pulling rough hair. Deck the halls! – no more bloody Christmas balls. Bovem.co, $60-$87
Lexington Glassworks Decanter Set
Pour one out from Lexington Glassworks’ hand-blown whiskey decanter, each one individually crafted in the company’s Asheville, N.C., studio and detailed with an elegant crackle finish that lends an air of sophistication to any home bar cart. Pair with a set of LG’s complementary rocks glasses, in the same distinguished style, for a cherished gift. LexingtonGlassworks.com, $280
Joule Turbo Sous Vide
Your fave chefs’ autopilot cooking technique hits home countertops in Breville’s sleek Joule Turbo Sous Vide stick, which cooks seasoned-and-bagged meats and veggies to a faster-than-ever optimal internal temperature (unattended, no less) before a lickety-split sear and serve results in restaurant-quality dishes deserving of at least a couple Michelin stars for your minimal-mess kitchen. Breville.com, $250
Outlines Shower Liner System
Holiday hosts can practice responsible replenishment amid our planetary plastic-waste crisis when you gift Outlines’ thoughtfully designed Shower Liner System that provides users with a machine-washable cotton top piece and fully recyclable bottom to replace when it’s time to ditch the grime. Set it and forget it with three-, six- or nine-month auto-deliveries. LivingOutlines.com, $50
Barbie Perfume
Fight the patriarchy doused in Barbie’s sweet-and-fresh fragrance that, from top to bottom, features notes of strawberry nectar and red cherry, peony and pink magnolia, and sandalwood and soft musk for an extraordinary scent that’s more than Kenough. DefineMeCreativeStudio.com, $65
AiRROBO Pet Grooming Vacuum
Posh pets enjoy salon-style luxury in the comfort of their homes when treated to a grooming session by the AiRROBO vacuum (think Flowbee for cats and dogs), a five-tool, one-stop solution for keeping furbabies’ hair, dander, allergens and mites to a minimum. The portable pamperer includes an electric clipper, crevice and de-shedding tools, and grooming and cleaning brushes housed in a space-saving, HEPA-filtered capsule. US.Air-Robo.com, $110
Aura Smart Sleep Mask
What does the future of total relaxation and deep sleep look like? Blackout darkness and complete serenity in a dream-state sanctuary when you spend your nights in the Aura Smart Sleep Mask with built-in speakers for guided meditation and snooze-inducing ASMR, zero-pressure eye cushioning, and light and sunrise therapy to help you wake rested and refreshed at home and (especially) away. Indiegogo.com, $190
Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBTQ lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyroxtravels.
a&e features
Anatomy of a post-cancellation comedy tour: Ashley Gavin in D.C.
After doxxing and death threats, a focus on jokes that transcend identity
I was dressing up to go to Ashley Gavin’s stand-up comedy show at the Lincoln Theatre when I got a text from Sydnie, Ashley’s assistant. I didn’t remember giving Sydnie my number — although I must have, surely? We had been in contact the past few days about setting up an interview with Ashley about her show here in D.C., and just today we had managed to schedule a time for tomorrow afternoon.
But suddenly the interview wasn’t looking so sure. Sydnie was texting to ask for a list of my questions for the interview, and if I didn’t provide them, I wouldn’t be getting tickets to tonight’s show. I had two hours to get back to her. “So sorry about that!” Sydnie texted.
The ultimatum caught me off guard — but perhaps it shouldn’t have. Ashley Gavin was the subject of controversy this summer for some of her crowd work during a show in Indianapolis. After a fan cheered a little too loudly at a joke, Ashley informed her she was the “the most annoying fan who has ever been to one of her shows,” and that she should “kill herself.” When the fan responded, “I’ve already tried,” Ashley responded that she didn’t try hard enough, and implored her again and again to kill herself. The fan broke down in tears, and left the show.
The familiar cycle of celebrity cancellation played out. Calls were made on Reddit to boycott Ashley’s shows. Ashley released an apology video. YouTubers scrutinized the apology clip-by-clip on their channels. Ashley reported getting doxxed in death threats. (The irony!) The fan Ashley accosted, Olivia Neely, raised money for suicide awareness online. And now Ashley Gavin is back on tour, for the first time since the incident. No wonder Ashley had her assistant screening my questions.
When Ashley took the stage at the Lincoln Theatre, it quickly became clear that her audience is kindling for controversy fire. All the way up front, in the first few rows, are Ashley’s die-hard fans. Some of these fans have paid hundreds of dollars for meet-and-greet tickets after the show. They’re on the younger side, and are largely lesbian or queer. They turned 21 during the pandemic, and they haven’t necessarily been to a comedy show before. They’re fans from online — of Ashley’s TikTok, or her podcast. But all the way in the back are more casual viewers, people who aren’t fans of Ashley specifically, but of comedy more generally. They might have bought their tickets last minute. They’re a little older than the die-hard fans, a little less queer, and they’re more familiar with the offline comedy club scene.
It’s great that these two different groups can come together to enjoy a comedy show. But there’s one big problem. The online die-hards and the offline comedy regulars have very different expectations for the show. And Ashley isn’t looking to satisfy all of them.
On the one hand, the comedy regulars aren’t necessarily used to the content of her show, which especially on this tour, is largely comprised of material about being lesbian. Ashley wants the straight people in the room to know these jokes are for them too. One of the few bits Ashley carried over from her first special to this new tour involves picking out a random straight man in the audience. She’ll learn his name, and then check in on him after this or that joke later in the set as the ‘representative straight man’ in the crowd. “I’m speaking to the people who might not feel comfortable in the room,” Ashley explained to me during our interview. “I’m saying like, hey, I know you’re there, and this is for you. And I’m really glad that you’re here, you know.”
But if Ashley wants the comedy regulars to adjust to the content of her show, she also wants her online, die-hard fans to adjust to the form of her show, which is offline, at a comedy club or theater. Her die-hard fans are new to the comedy scene, and she wants to make a proper introduction. This isn’t simply out of magnanimity. Ashley intends to put on the kind of show the comedy regulars are there to see. And if her fans from TikTok or her podcast are going to enjoy it, that means adjusting their expectations.
“I’ve read it in my comments [online] before,” Ashley lamented. “I’ve read like, ‘This was not a safe space.’ Maybe because of gross things, or some of the darkness of the jokes. I’m frequently like, what made you think it was going to be a safe space? Art is not a safe space.”
As Ashley sees things, part of going to a comedy show is letting go and not worrying about whether the jokes are offensive. It’s giving the comedian the benefit of the doubt, especially if you know them from online. And she thinks letting go of your worries isn’t giving up on your political convictions — it’s empowering. “[My fans] are very into social justice, and very into doing the right thing, [and] I want to give them the opportunity to let go a little bit, and release some of their tension, and their pain, and their struggle.”
So one of the more unique things Ashley will do as a comedian is address her online, die-hard fans directly at the beginning of her show. She’ll tell them that she’s on the right side of things, that she won’t pull the rug out from under them, politically speaking. She’ll tell them that they should feel free to laugh, to let it out, not cover their mouths. “I know who my audience is, and they want some safety. And they want some trust. And the fastest way that I can earn that trust is to be up front, and just say I’m not going to trick you tonight. The person you came to see, the person you think I am, I am that person.” But it’s a difficult balancing act. How do you promise your audience safety, while maintaining that a comedy show is not a “safe space”? It’s no wonder the kindling might catch fire, despite Ashley’s best efforts. You’d be forgiven for wondering whether there wasn’t an easier way. Why ask fans who want safety to ride out a non-safe space?
I think it helps to understand what Ashley wants out of being a comedian. A major theme of Ashley’s first comedy special was her frustration with being called a “lesbian comedian.” She talks about wanting to be called a great comedian, not a lesbian one — someone who is in the running with other great comedians, whose jokes transcend any particular identity. And if you want to be a great comedian, and not “the lesbian comedian,” it makes sense that you might want your mostly queer online audience to acclimate to the comedy club scene. She doesn’t want to put on a lesbian show. She wants to put on a great comedy show.
So what of Ashley’s hopes for being a great comedian, post-cancellation? On her Chosen Family podcast, taped just one day before her show in D.C., Ashley gave a picture of where she thought things stood. “My audience has changed. I’m experiencing this new audience now that might be a better fit. Because it’s the folks that saw what happened and kind of understand, OK, these were meant to be jokes,” Ashley told her co-hosts. “The folks who don’t see it that way aren’t really at the show anymore, and the show is far more enjoyable for everybody there.”
When I surveyed the audience after Ashley’s show, her prediction seemed to bear out. Everyone I talked to either didn’t know about the summer’s controversy, or didn’t care. “I know nothing of drama. That takes a lot of energy to follow,” said Sunshine, a fan of Ashley’s from over the pandemic. People wanted to chat about Ashley’s crowd work, particularly the drunk girl from Missouri who just wouldn’t give up. They had nothing to say about Indianapolis. Perhaps for Ashley Gavin, the post-cancellation cycle doesn’t end with her remaining fans forgiving and forgetting. Just the forgetting, and moving on.
CJ Higgins is a postdoctoral fellow with the Alexander Grass Humanities Institute at Johns Hopkins University.
a&e features
Meet two key figures behind the most LGBTQ-friendly video game ever made
Baldur’s Gate 3 debuted in August to widespread critical acclaim
Baldur’s Gate 3 (BG3) is perhaps the most LGBTQ-friendly AAA video game ever made. It’s also one of the best role-playing games ever, according to Metacritic, the premier website owned by Fandom that aggregates reviews of films, television shows, music albums and video games.
Baldur’s Gate 3 by Ghent, Belgium-based Larian Studios, is a series of role-playing video games set in the Forgotten Realms Dungeons & Dragons campaign setting. The game has spawned two series, known as the Bhaalspawn Saga and the Dark Alliance.
Baldur’s Gate 3 was released on Aug. 3, 2023 to widespread critical acclaim. Unusually for a AAA game, it had spent six years in development, and almost three years of that in early access open beta testing. Larian Studios developed BG3 as a sequel to the first two games, which were released in 1998 and 1999 respectively.
Recently the Blade had the opportunity to interview two of the key figures in the game’s development.
Actress Jennifer English played the role of Shadowheart, one of the main characters of the game with whom the player can have a romantic relationship, regardless of their gender. Her partner is Aliona Baranova, an actress and motion capture (mocap) performer who worked as one of the Performance Directors on the game. They met during the production of the game and worked closely together during the height of the coronavirus pandemic. Jennifer identifies as lesbian and queer, while Aliona identifies as bisexual and queer. They graciously agreed to give the Blade an hour of their time, right after a grueling weekend at London Comic Con.
BLADE: How was London Comic Con 2023? How were you both received?
JENNIFER: It was like being a rock star. It was incredible. We were both there for Comic Con [2022] this time last year [and] when I first turned up there was no one in my queue [for autographs]. Now this year, there were people queuing for 6 hours at one point. It was absolute madness. But it was also just really beautiful.
We did one of the panels [this year]. And I was expecting it to be like a 500 or 1,000 seater. When I looked out, it was about 4,000 people. It was really wonderful because Aliona was next to me the whole time, and so many people wanted her autograph as well–like a good third to a half.
ALIONA: The number of people that wanted to take a photo of the both of us was so touching, as was how many people [that] came up to us and said, “We watch your streams” and told us that the representation that we gave them, and how open we are about being neuro divergent, was so meaningful.
BLADE: Did either of you play Dungeons and Dragons before you started work on this game?
JENNIFER: I always wanted to. I just hadn’t been invited.
ALIONA: No, never!
JENNIFER: I was really lucky that the first time I got to play D&D was with the cast for High Rollers, and we got Mark Humes, who was the best dungeon master, to walk us through it. We felt so safe and guided. It was a really wonderful start into D&D. The space felt very welcome as well, which was nice, and no one seemed to mind too much that we were fumbling through somewhat. And it was really nice to play together as a couple.
BLADE: You posted how you auditioned for the role of Shadowheart in BG3, and Jennifer got it. This led to an interesting start to your relationship.
ALIONA: So I auditioned, and didn’t get the part. And then another call went out looking for people that had mocap (motion capture) experience, which I did have, to direct. When I sent in my mocap reel I was secretly hoping they’d watch and think, she should be in the game as an actor. But no, they didn’t. They rang me to say they thought I should direct.
I came to direct, did a couple of sessions, and then, during my fourth or fifth session, Jen comes in to record Shadowheart. Everyone is telling me “Jennifer is coming in today. She’s lovely. You’re gonna love her”. And I’m like, yeah, yeah, I’ll see.
When Jen came into the studio she was an absolute ray of sunshine. It was sickening–she was so wonderful, I could not hate her. I wanted to, so badly, but I just couldn’t. She got along with everyone; she was so friendly. I thought, “you’re making this so hard for me”.
Then we went in to record, and I thought, okay, well, maybe she’s not that good at the role, and I can swoop in and save the day and be Shadowheart instead. But she was amazing. I wanted to hate her even more, but I couldn’t, because she was so talented and incredible. I was very naive and very confident. I definitely couldn’t do what Jen has achieved, and she was a far better performer than I was back then. I’ve learned a lot from her since then to become a better performer myself.
It could have gone one of 2 ways: I could sabotage her and direct her really badly, or I could help this incredible and kind woman out and be a good director for her. The rest is history. And I think we nailed it with Shadowheart.
BLADE: Jennifer, how did you find out Aliona wanted to be frenemies initially?
JENNIFER: I can’t remember how I found out, but I remember being shocked, to say the least. And now we laugh about it quite a lot.
BLADE: What was it like finding the character of Shadowheart?
JENNIFER: I found the voice quite easily, and felt like I accessed her [character] reasonably quickly. There was a lot of collaboration and creativity involved with it. But the one thing I really struggled with at the beginning was the physical side of it, because it’s such an overwhelming thing…you’re put into a grey room with loads of cameras on you, and you’re wearing what is essentially a Velcro cat suit with bobbles on it, and then you’re just told to act naturally.
One thing that Aliona quickly picked up on was the fact that I have ADHD. A lot of our creative process together was working to find Shadowheart within that—to not fight against it, but use it. That was really wonderful.
BLADE: Are you having any problems with people blurring the line between Shadowheart and Jennifer when you meet them in real life or online, or are people pretty good about keeping them keeping them distinct?
JENNIFER: I think if I had [Shadowheart’s] kind of black cat energy, perhaps. But I am a golden retriever puppy with blonde hair that’s five foot one. I don’t have that kind of statuesque, armor-clad cleric-of-Shar thing going on. So I think our energies are so distinct that it would be pretty impossible to get us confused.
There is a lot of me in Shadowheart, because I wanted to make her as truthful as possible. [She’s] the part of myself that you’d have to find me in a very vulnerable state to see. That’s a deeper part of myself. Certainly not one that you’d see at Comic-con, or if you bumped into me on the train.
BLADE: I know people who generally don’t like video games who are really into BG3. What’s your take on why this is?
JENNIFER: Yeah, it’s interesting, isn’t it? Baldur’s Gate 3 is mainstream. It’s been on South Park.
ALIONA: It’s the mocap. It’s not often that you have nearly all 248 actors do their own mocap. I think that’s why it feels like a TV show or film. I’m biased, but I do think it makes a difference, because I’ve looked at another recent release and you can tell that the voice is done separately from who’s doing the body. You can’t care for them as much as you do in this game, because there’s a disconnect.
JENNIFER: It feels quite jarring because you can’t be immersed in this in the same way, you can tell everyone’s acting, whereas [Baldur’s Gate 3] feels like people are their characters. They’re so good in them.
Fourth GOP presidential debate sees return of transphobia, anti-LGBTQ animus
Former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy to leave Congress
More queer books we love
Our favorite books for holiday gifts
EXCLUSIVE: Behind the scenes with LGBTQ staff working on Biden’s re-election campaign
PHOTOS: GMCW Holiday Show
Annise Parker: ‘Protecting democracy is fundamentally an LGBTQ+ rights issue’
Queen Latifah among Kennedy Center honorees welcomed to White House
Hearing postponed for gay D.C. gym owner charged with distributing child porn
Top tax benefits of homeownership
-
Photos3 days agoPHOTOS: GMCW Holiday Show
-
LGBTQ Non-Profit Organizations5 days agoAnnise Parker: ‘Protecting democracy is fundamentally an LGBTQ+ rights issue’
-
The White House3 days agoQueen Latifah among Kennedy Center honorees welcomed to White House
-
District of Columbia2 days agoHearing postponed for gay D.C. gym owner charged with distributing child porn