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How Trump (and the Blade) brought me out to my fraternity brothers

At the age of 70, I finally spoke my heart to them

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Yep. Absolutely

Donald Trump brought me out last year to my college fraternity brothers, some of whom I hadn’t seen in 48 years. Trump, along with five local religious leaders, two retired judges, Colby King, the Internet, and the Blade.

It’s a story I want to share with you on this National Coming Out Day.

In June 2018, those religious leaders and retired judges sent a letter to the Alcoholic Beverage Control Board, requesting that we hold a Fact Finding Hearing to determine whether the owner of the Trump International Hotel was eligible for a liquor license. They cited section 301 of Title 25 of D.C. Municipal Regulations that a license holder must be of “good character.” They argued in their filing that Donald Trump was not.

The case made local and national news. On Saturday, July 27, 2018, Washington Post opinion page writer Colbert King wrote on the editorial page, “This is a case that the ABC Board cannot duck.”

King wrote that we had a responsibility to look into the president’s “lack of character,” and that that “the spotlight is now on members of the ABC Board.”

Just to make sure everyone knew he meant business, Colby published our names and brief biographies. Mine mentioned my career at ABC News and my tenure as an Advisory Neighborhood Commissioner. 

I started getting e-mails at my D.C. government address: Trump is the devil. You are the devil. Leave him alone. Take away his license. Leaguer, Congratulations!

“Leaguer, Congratulations?”

Leaguer was my pledge name when I pledged my college fraternity more than 50 years ago. Short for “little leaguer.” My fraternity big brother was more than six feet tall. I was much shorter and into athletics. So, to the brothers, I was then and still am “the leaguer.”

The e-mail was from Bill Fuhrman, who was president of the Sigma Pi Chapter of Alpha Epsilon Pi at American University during my senior year, when I served as vice president. And there were maybe a dozen people copied, some with e-mail addresses that included their names.

“I am writing you via the only possible communication path I know,” Bill wrote. “This afternoon, my “Little,” Russ, e-mailed me the story in the Blade about your very recent ANC election. Congratulations.

“His email was on the heels of a story Len sent this morning to several of your ‘linked’ fellow AU fraternity brothers.”

The Blade reference stopped me cold. There are plenty of Google references to my being an ANC Commissioner, but only the Blade refers to me as openly gay. So by referencing the Blade, Bill found a way to ask the question without actually asking the question. 

Bill then went on to inform me where those listed on the e-mail were living, including those who had married their pinmates. We had lost touch when the chapter was kicked off campus for a time in the mid-70’s after a hazing incident, and records were lost. He then made a request:

“Give me a call if you would like to (partially) catch up on the last 48 years: (858) xxx- xxxx cell . . or . . (760) xxx-xxxx at my law office (the 1st 30 minutes is at no charge).”

I called Bill and we chatted for more than an hour, and he gave me other phone numbers to call, and asked that I write a note to let the brothers know what I’d been up to for the last nearly half century. And to not be a stranger. 

I wrote an e-mail that began by recounting my career in broadcast journalism, local politics, and the exciting world of background acting. Then, it was coming out time.

“Now that we’ve finished with the professional part of my life,” I wrote,” it’s time for the personal part and the big reveal. So here it is:

Yep. Absolutely

Tom and I have shared our lives for 38 years. He was a department store exec, and when retail started to crater, he went into human resources. I have learned that you can become Italian by osmosis and talk with your hands. I’ve also learned a lot about north Jersey, and know a lot of places that were in The Sopranos, because I now have extended family in Lodi, Garfield, and other towns that are more Eye-talian than Rome.”

Words can’t adequately express how good it felt to write that. My fraternity brothers were probably the last group in my life to come out to. We shared so much during college, and yet there was that one thing back then I felt I could not share. And so, at the age of 70, I spoke my heart to them about hiding who I was during our college years.

“This is awkward, because it deals with honesty. And you can’t be completely honest with others about matters in which you are not completely honest with yourself.”

“I knew I might be gay in high school, but in the 1960s, the world was a very scary place to be gay. Who wants to be part of a despised and mocked minority? Have no friends? Or be shut out from your career path? I did like sports and girls and politics and beer, so I decided I would will myself to be straight and be like everybody else.”

I shared with them my coming out process, and that constant fear that at least some people in my life might not accept me if they knew I was gay. And how everything changed on Sept. 17, 1981.

“Tom and I met during an endless weather delay and ground stop at Newark Airport, and we became friends. It took more than a year to move in together, but we’ve been an item for 37 years, thanks to People Express.”

I closed by saying how good it was to reconnect with them this way. 

“I’m still me. And you’re still you,” I wrote. “I’d love to hear your voice.”

It took me a week to write that e-mail, which had the subject line, “What I’ve been up to the past 48 years, or Love, Leaguer.”

And then I pressed send.

The responses and phone calls came almost immediately. 

Tom and I have received invites from as far away as Portland, San Diego, and Charleston. And there are regular phone calls and weekly lunches. 

Oh, and I wasn’t the only one. Russ sent me an old chapter photo, and I saw on it plenty of other….politicians. A California state legislator. A 15-term Massachusetts state lawmaker. And an Undersecretary of Interior for National Parks. All in the same pledge class. And a deputy mayor of San Francisco as well. 

I wasn’t the only gay brother, either. The former head of Victory Fund was also a brother, but Brian came along a few years later.  

The Trump case dragged on beyond my term on the board, so I was doubly blessed. First, I didn’t have to rule on it. Second, it brought some dear friends back into my life.

They always knew me. Only now, they know me better. And they are still my brothers.

Coming out is a process that has a beginning but lasts a lifetime. 

Happy National Coming Out Day, everyone!  

Mike Silverstein a former member of the D.C. Alcoholic Beverage Control Board.

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Opinions

Trend of banning books threatens our freedom

‘History has taught you nothing if you think you can kill ideas’

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National Book Festival, gay news, Washington Blade

I knew Helen Keller was a DeafBlind activist. But, until recently, I didn’t know that some of her books were torched.

Nearly 90 years ago, in 1933 Germany, the Nazis added “How I Became a Socialist,” by Keller to a list of “degenerate” books. Keller’s book, along with works by authors from H.G. Wells to Einstein were burned. 

The Nazi book burnings were horrific, you might think, but what does this have to do with the queer community now?

I speak of this because a nano-sec of the news tells us that book censorship, if not from literal fires, but from the removal from school libraries, is alive and well. Nationwide, in small towns and suburbs, school boards, reacting to pressure from parents and politicians, are removing books from school libraries. Many of these books are by queer authors and feature LGBTQ+ characters.

Until recently, I didn’t worry that much about books being banned. My ears have pricked up, every year, in September when Banned Books Week is observed. Growing up, my parents instilled in me their belief that reading was one of life’s great pleasures as well as a chance to learn about new ideas – especially, those we disagreed with. The freedom to read what we choose is vital to democracy, my folks taught me. 

“I don’t care if it’s ‘Mein Kampf,’” my Dad who was Jewish told me, “I’ll defend to my death against its being banned.”

“Teachers should be allowed to teach it,” he added, “so kids can learn what a monster Hitler was.”

In this country, there have always been people who wanted to ban books from “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” by writer and abolitionist Harriet Beecher Stowe to gay poet Allen Ginsberg’s “Howl.”

In the 1920s, in the Scopes trial, a Tennessee science teacher was fined $100 for teaching evolution. (The law against teaching evolution in Tennessee was later repealed.)

But, these folks, generally, seemed to be on “the fringe” of society. We didn’t expect that book banning would be endorsed by mainstream politicians.

Until lately.

Take just one example of the uptake in book-banning: In September, the Blade reported, Fairfax County, Virginia public school officials said at a school board meeting that two books had been removed from school libraries to “reassess their suitability for high school students.”

Both books – “Lawn Boy” a novel by Jonathan Evison and “Gender Queer: A Memoir” by non-binary author Maia Koabe feature queer characters and themes, along with graphic descriptions of sex.

Opponents of the books say the books contain descriptions of pedophilia. But, many book reviewers and LGBTQ students as well as the American Library Association dispute this false claim.

The American Library Association honored both books with its Alex Award, the Associated Press reported. The award recognizes the year’s “10 books written for adults that have special appeal to young adults ages 12 through 18.”

Given how things have changed for us queers in recent years – from marriage equality to Pete Buttigieg running for president – it’s not surprising that there’s been a backlash. As part of the blowback, books by queer authors with LGBTQ+ characters have become a flashpoint in the culture wars.

As a writer, it’s easy for me to joke that book banning is fabulous for writers. Nothing improves sales more than censorship.

Yet, there’s nothing funny about this for queer youth. My friend Penny has a queer son. “LGBTQ kids need to read about people like themselves,” she told me. “It’s horrible if queer kids can’t find these books. They could become depressed or even suicidal.”

If we allow books to be banned, our freedom to think and learn will be erased.

“History has taught you nothing if you think you can kill ideas,” Keller wrote in a letter to students in Nazi Germany.

Anti-queer officials may remove LGBTQ books from school libraries. But, our thoughts will not be unshelved.

Kathi Wolfe, a writer and a poet, is a regular contributor to the Blade.

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Opinions

Thanksgiving is a time to share

Take a moment to think about what you can do to help others

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This Thanksgiving, many of us will once again celebrate with family and friends around the dinner table. Sadly at too many tables friends and family members will be missing. They will be one of the over 766,000 Americans who lost their lives to coronavirus. May the shared grief over lost loved ones cause us to try to bridge our differences and lift each other. As those of us with plenty sit down for dinner let us not forget the many in the world not so fortunate and think of what we can do to make their lives better.

In the midst of the pandemic we defeated a president who through his words and actions tore our country apart — a president who managed to poison relationships among family and friends. We elected a president who we felt would try to unite the nation. But we know that has yet to happen and the recent reaction to the not-guilty verdict in the Kyle Rittenhouse trial shows us that. The use of race-baiting in the recent Virginia governor’s election shows us that. We still suffer from the implicit permission the former president gave to some Americans to once again give public voice to their sexism, homophobia, racism, and anti-Semitism. That didn’t suddenly end with his loss. While we cannot pretend those feelings weren’t always there it seemed we had reached a point in American society where people understood you couldn’t voice them in public without rebuke. While it will take many years to put that genie back in the bottle we need to try if we are to move forward again. Around our Thanksgiving table is a place to begin. I am an optimist and believe we can do that even while recognizing it won’t be easy.

Thanksgiving should be a time to look within ourselves and determine who we are as individuals and what we can do to make life better for ourselves, our families, and others here in the United States and around the world.

Around our Thanksgiving table we should take a moment to think about what we can do to help feed the hungry, house the homeless, and give equal opportunity to everyone who wants to work hard. Maybe even give some thought as to how we change policies causing institutional racism to ones giving everyone a chance to succeed. It is a moment to think about how we can open up the eyes of the world to understand how racism, homophobia, and sexism hurt everyone, not just those who are discriminated against.

We must renew our efforts to heal the rifts in our own families and make an effort to try to see each other in a more positive light. If we start to do that with those closest to us we might have a fighting chance to do it with others.

I recognize my life is privileged having just returned from a 14-day transatlantic cruise. My Thanksgiving weekend will be spent with friends in Rehoboth Beach, Del., and we will remember our experiences over the past year. For many it also begins the Christmas season and the Friday of Thanksgiving weekend each year Rehoboth Beach lights its community Christmas tree. So surely we will talk about what that season means to each of us.

For me each year it means thinking about which charities I can support as the requests for end-of-year gifts arrive. It is a time to think about volunteering some precious time for a cause you care about.
Wherever you live, there are many chances to volunteer and do your part to make a difference for others. The rewards of doing so will come back to you in abundance. As anyone who has helped someone else will tell you the feeling you get for having done so is wonderful.

So wishing all my friends and those of you who I may be lucky enough to call friends in the future, a very happy Thanksgiving. May this holiday find you happy, healthy and sharing peaceful times with those you love.

Peter Rosenstein is a longtime LGBTQ rights and Democratic Party activist. He writes regularly for the Blade.

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Commentary

Fighting for equality for decades, trans elders still face endless hardships

Lisa Oakley rejected by 60 long-term care facilities in Colo.

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transgender, Gender Conference East, trans, transgender flag, gay news, Washington Blade
(Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

November 20 will mark the 22nd International Transgender Day of Remembrance, an international event honoring and commemorating the many transgender people murdered in transphobic hate crimes every year.

Since 2013, at least 200 transgender people have been murdered in the United States alone, 80 percent being Black and Latinx women. This number is undoubtedly an underestimate, as many murders go unreported and trans victims often are misgendered by law enforcement.

These murders are not isolated crime statistics. They grow out of a culture of violence against transgender and non-binary (TGNB) people that encompasses stigma, exclusion, discrimination, poverty, and lack of access to essential resources, including health care, employment and housing. 

These challenges result in early death. In Latin America, for example, it has been reported that the average life expectancy of a transgender person is only 35 years.

This climate of stigma and transphobia is particularly challenging for TGNB older people, who face extraordinary hardships due both to the cumulative impact of lifetimes of discrimination and regular mistreatment in their elder years. Due to isolation from family and greater medical and financial needs, trans older people are more likely to require professionalized elder services and care. 

Unfortunately, these services and the facilities that provide them are often either unavailable to TGNB elders, or hostile to them. A national survey of LGBTQ+ older people by AARP found that more than 60 percent of those surveyed were concerned about how they would be treated in a long-term care setting. This includes the fear of being refused or receiving limited care, in danger of neglect or abuse, facing verbal or physical harassment, or being forced to hide or deny their identity once again. 

This is a sobering reality. In October, GLBTQ Legal Advocates and Defenders filed a claim against Sunrise Assisted Living in Maine, which openly denied admission to an older transgender woman because of her gender identity. 

In Colorado, Lisa Oakley was, astonishingly, rejected by 60 long-term care facilities, which her caseworker ascribes to Lisa’s gender identity. One facility that agreed to admit Lisa would only house her with a male roommate. 

After waiting far too long for welcoming care, Lisa eventually got help from SAGE and other community supporters and found a home in Eagle Ridge of Grand Valley. Fortunately, Eagle Ridge has participated in specialized training to be LGBTQ+-welcoming. While Lisa feels welcomed at Eagle Ridge and has made friends, she has been forced to live far from a community she loves. 

These cases in Maine and Colorado are just the tip of the iceberg regarding the discrimination faced by TGNB elders. That’s why it’s so important that Congress pass the Equality Act, which would once and for all prohibit discrimination based on gender identity in key areas like employment, housing, and care and services.

And while legal progress is important, it’s not enough. TGNB elders need more equity in their day to day lives. Older transgender people are more likely to experience financial barriers than non-transgender elders, regardless of age, income and education.

They’re also at a higher risk of disability, general poor mental and physical health, and loneliness, compared to their cisgender counterparts.

These experiences have been part of everyday life for trans elders for far too long. We continue to see them struggle with the long-term effects of transphobia and violence every day. That’s why organizations like SAGE are stepping up our support for TGNB elders by investing $1 million to support TGNB-focused services and advocacy both in New York and nationwide.

And we are continually amazed by the resilience of TGNB elders, creating communities built on their strength and courage. 

Their resilience is nothing new. It dates back generations and was evident during the Stonewall Uprising. Over the years, trans luminaries like Marsha P. Johnson, Sylvia Rivera, Victoria Cruz—leaders of the modern LGBTQ+ civil rights movement—and countless others have repeatedly proved that they will not be invisible.  

We see this determination in so many programs and activities led by trans elders at SAGE. 

For example, the TransGenerational Theater Project brings together transgender people of all ages to create theater from their experiences and perspectives. These types of elder-driven programs serve as powerful reminders that transgender older people are leading their lives with resilience, creativity, and perseverance, despite the dangers they face. 

Transgender and non-binary elders have survived and fought for equality for decades. They are brave. They are strong. They are leaders. Here at SAGE, we will continue to walk side-by-side with them as we continue the fight to ensure TGNB elders get the respect, change, and acceptance they deserve.

Michael Adams is the CEO of SAGE, the world’s largest and oldest organization dedicated to improving the lives of LGBTQ+ elders.

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