Connect with us

Opinions

Staying sober during the holidays

7 tips to help you remain alcohol free during stressful season

Published

on

Surviving the holidays is a difficult task for many LGBTQ people, but for sober members of the community it can almost feel like an impossible feat. It seems like alcohol is woven into the fabric of the holiday season. Between family obligations, office parties, and your friend’s annual, ugly holiday sweater party, it can feel like liquor has an inescapable presence. Not to mention the stress of dealing with family members and financial pressures can really take a toll, which makes relaxing with a peppermint Schnapps hot chocolate all the more enticing.  

Though every person has their own go-to strategies that allow them to pursue their sobriety, here are seven uncomplicated tips that can help you remain alcohol free throughout the holiday season.    

Set clear boundaries for yourself and others. If you’ve made the decision to begin the journey of sobriety, then that is the No. 1 priority. It is perfectly OK to say no to anything you feel may put your sobriety at risk. If you are afraid that being at a family event will be too stressful and triggering for you, then don’t feel obligated to engage.   

What to say when someone offers you a drink? No is a complete sentence. If someone offers you a drink, it’s OK to say no and leave it at that. Most people won’t think twice about your response and will move on. In the event that someone pushes you to say more, try coming up with a brief response beforehand so you are not caught off guard. For example, “I’m just trying to be healthier” is a perfectly legitimate and truthful answer.

Keep a drink in hand. Nonalcoholic, of course. This is a way to avoid the dreaded “Would you like a drink?” question altogether. Many people choose to nurse a club soda with lime, club soda and cranberry juice, or some other variation to easily blend in. After all, no one can spot the difference between a La Croix in a glass or a gin and tonic.

Bring your own transportation. It can be helpful and comforting to know that you have the ability to leave a situation on your own whenever you may need to.

Know your limits. You are responsible for your sobriety, and it is OK to honor your limits. You will become acutely aware of the situations that trigger your desire to drink or use other substances. Early on in recovery, this might even look like setting time limits for yourself when you need to be at a party.

If you are at a family event and find yourself in a conflict with a family member, try to remove yourself from the situation. Fighting with family can be extremely triggering, and it’s best to make sure you are safe. Calmly walk away, and either go to a safe space to collect yourself or leave.

“Bookending.”  If you are concerned about a particular family event, one good strategy is to bookend the event with something to do before and something to do or somewhere to go after. Bookending is a great way to ensure an easy escape in case the event is too much to handle. Try grabbing a cup of coffee with a friend prior to the event and setting up a hangout session with another friend afterwards.

Use this holiday season to make some new, alcohol-free traditions. There are a lot of awesome holiday events you can engage in that don’t necessarily have to be centered around drinking. Try having a holiday cookie decorating party with your friends and watch some bad Hallmark Christmas movies. Gingerbread house contests can get pretty intense among friends too. Zoo lights are a fun way to get out of the house and in the holiday spirit if you don’t mind the cold. There are plenty of events like your local Gay Men’s Chorus holiday show and other theater productions.

All it takes is a little bit of reorganizing what the holidays means to you. Creating new traditions and honoring your self-care choices can brighten up the season and help you not only survive, but also thrive this holiday season.

Adam Ouanes is a therapist intern at an LGBTQ health center in Philadelphia and an MSS candidate at Bryn Mawr College Graduate School of Social Work and Social Research. A primary focus of his work is looking at the inherent challenges faced by the LGBTQ community due to collective trauma. 

Advertisement
FUND LGBTQ JOURNALISM
SIGN UP FOR E-BLAST

Opinions

My trans daughter thrived in Chicago public schools

Washington wants to make that impossible

Published

on

(Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

I am a Chicagoan whose daughter is transgender. But that is not the most important fact about her. My daughter loves fashion, sings in choir, is active at church, and is, by every measure, your classic American teenager. 

Yet it is her gender identity that politicians in Washington have once again decided to make their business.

She’s had the benefit of attending school in a district that affirms her, with educators who have added protections for students like her to a contract, in a city that benefits from and believes in diversity.

If the Republican-led Congress that is subpoenaeing the CEO of Chicago Public Schools truly was interested in “inappropriate content” and its impact on students, they would start with the anti-trans state legislation that increases youth suicide attempts by 72%, not the school districts making them feel safe and welcomed. Protecting these kids in school is not a culture war talking point. It is suicide prevention.

But that is not what they are doing. Instead, they are calling to question the head of a school district where Chicago’s values have made our schools safer places for students of every gender, race, and nationality.

The same administration that has yet to investigate the Epstein files but is moving the FCC to put warning labels on television shows that portray inclusive families and characters of different sexualities, is telling on itself in what they think is permissible and what they think is harmful for school-age youth. They say this is about parental rights and children’s well-being, but the parental right I care most about is the right for my daughter and all children to walk into a school building and feel safe and affirmed instead of scared and threatened.

My daughter spent 13 years in Chicago public schools. Her teachers used her chosen name. Her classmates accepted her for who she is. She wore a formal dress at choir concerts, landed a female lead in the school musical, and used the women’s bathroom without anyone batting an eye. When she went to a school dance, her teachers celebrated her like any other student, gushing over her dress, cheering her on. Nobody treated her like a problem to be managed.

That is not luck. That is Chicago. It’s the result of educators who fought hard for these protections. While MAGA has moved other states to bar teachers from even acknowledging LGBTQ+ students, the Chicago Teachers Union ratified a contract that does the opposite. It puts gender support coordinators in every network, codifies protections for chosen names and pronouns, and incorporates CPS guidelines for transgender students into the collective bargaining agreement itself. 

Those are not bureaucratic details. They are what stands between a child like mine and the bully who, without them, could decide she does not deserve dignity and hurt her without consequence.

Chicago believes every student, including LGBTQ+ children, belongs in school and deserves to feel safe there. Our city has grit and resolve and a deep sense of pride in the diversity that makes it what it is. I believe that is exactly why this administration has put us in its crosshairs. This is a city that shuts down its streets for the Pride parade, Puerto Rican Day Parade, St. Patrick’s Day, and the Bud Billiken Parade. This is the Chicago I am raising my daughter in. The Republicans in Congress have decided that belief is the problem.

They have already passed a bill to pull federal funding from any school that affirms a transgender student’s identity without first notifying parents. They’re attempting to withhold funds from Chicago and other districts for programs that reverse generations of discrimination and disinvestment. They want to dismantle the Department of Education and have already passed a law to fund private religious schools with public dollars. Putting our school district under the lights of their circus is just one tactic in their political agenda.

I wanted my daughter to read, to do math, to graduate ready for whatever comes next, and find her place in the world. Every parent I know wants that. My daughter recently graduated. She got there because she had good teachers, she applied herself, and she never had to walk into school ashamed of who she was or afraid of what might happen. 

It matters to me that my daughter was in a district intentionally seeing to her safety, immigrant students’ sanctuary, and Black students’ success. What they see as a violation is really our city’s commitment to the dignity of all students

What they are running is not a parental rights agenda. It is a defunding agenda against parents, students, and educators who don’t subscribe to their beliefs, and Chicago is just the beginning.

Washington can hold all the hearings it wants, but they’ll never be able to erase children like my daughter. And I pray that our schools will never make children like her think twice before walking through those doors for the most formative years of their lives. Whether they attend a school district that supports them in holding their heads high or one that bends the knee to make them fearful instead is what this fight is actually all about. 


Mary Kay Devine is a Chicago resident.

Continue Reading

Opinions

Congratulations to Lewis George and all winners in D.C.’s primary

New mayor will have to navigate a hostile president

Published

on

(Washington Blade file image by Aram Varitan)

The primary is just about over and we are about to have a new mayor in D.C.

For the first time D.C. has ranked choice voting. Because of this, we don’t have a final winner for every race on election night. It will take a few days to declare some winners. I opposed ranked choice, and would rather see a run-off between the top two candidates, but the voters of D.C. spoke, so we have ranked choice.

Let me congratulate Janeese Lewis George, the apparent winner of the primary for mayor. Now it will be on to the general election where we can be close to 100% certain she will be the next mayor. I campaigned against her for a variety of reasons, and those reasons still hold. But she will have my support, and I congratulate her on her win. It is my hope she will become a good mayor for all the people of the District. That she will be a mayor we can all trust, and work with. That she will always speak up for the LGBTQ community, and speak out against anyone who wants to discriminate against us. Just as I hope she will actively fight antisemitism, Islamophobia, sexism, and racism. That she will fight for economic equality. So, again, I give her my full support at this time, trusting she will do all those things, because we all want only the best for all the people of the District. So, Janeese Lewis George, I salute you on your win, and wish you success.

In addition to a new mayor, we will have a new delegate to Congress, Robert White. I wish him well, and hope he will work to form the coalitions we will need if we are ever to get statehood. But also hope his first goal as we fight for that, will be to get us legislative and budget autonomy. Then we reelected Brian Schwalb as Attorney General, Phil Mendelson as Council Chair, and Zachary Parker as Council member for Ward 5. I hope they all continue the good work they have been doing. Then congratulations to Oye Owolewa for his win as Democratic Council member- at-Large. Then in the special election for Independent Council member-at-Large, Elissa Silverman reclaimed her seat. I hope those who endorsed her will fare better than I did when I previously endorsed her. I was nominated by the mayor for a seat on a board, and Ms. Silverman said she couldn’t participate in my committee review, or vote for me, as it would look bad for her as I had endorsed her. Figure that one out. Thankfully, the other 12 members of the Council had no problem confirming me. 

I hope the people in Ward 1 will get fair and equal representation, from former Metro DC Democratic Socialists of America chair, Aparna Raj, who apparently won that election. Congratulations also to Matthew Frumin, reelected in Ward 3, and Charles Allen, reelected in Ward 6. Then congratulations to my friend Phil Pannell, and all the others elected to Democratic Party posts. 

With the new members of the Council, and the new mayor, we can definitely anticipate some changes in how our government is run, and which issues will be a priority. I just hope considering the frustration we all feel with the felon in the White House, they will be able to hold in check some of their thoughts, understanding he can inflict pain, and has shown a willingness to do so, on the people of D.C., if he is challenged too fiercely, and too directly, especially true when the challenge comes from the mayor. He can, and will, react negatively, and we have seen that. The new mayor must know how to walk a tight rope, because it’s a skill she will need when dealing with the lying, racist, sexist, homophobic felon in the Oval Office. Disgusting or not, he will be around for the first two years of the new mayor’s term. I would rather see him in jail, but so be it. 

The new mayor and the Council will be working on some of the same issues that have been around for a number of years, and some new ones. They will still be fighting the rat problem, and I mean the animals, and then we look forward to the new RFK stadium, and the Commanders return to D.C. The team made certain promises, and it is up to the government to hold them accountable, including working with the community, building affordable housing, a new supermarket, and a host of other commitments. They must monitor hiring to ensure residents of D.C. are given all the opportunities possible, for jobs at every level on the various projects. 

Again, congratulations to all the winners. 


Peter Rosenstein is a longtime LGBTQ rights and Democratic Party activist. 

Continue Reading

Letter-to-the-Editor

Primary Day is not the end of election season in D.C.

Ultra-local positions on November ballot; city’s future at stake

Published

on

The Stead Recreation Center polling place on June 16, 2026. (Washington Blade photo by Michael K. Lavers)

Fellow citizens and voters in the District of Columbia!

Primary Day has passed. By now there should be some idea whom our new Congressional representative, mayor and members of the City Council may be. Hopefully Mr. Trump’s chest beating threats to take over the District resulted in more voters than ever sending a crystal-clear message to the White House.

Election Day, Tuesday, Nov. 3, delivers the final decisions and requires every registered vote to cast final votes on the aforementioned positions. WAIT! There are other elected positions to fill.

The DC Board of Education will have candidates in Wards 1,3, 5, and 6. Finally, there are the ultra-local positions: all those running for the entire Advisory Neighbor Commissions in all eight wards. There are 345 Single Member Districts around the city representing around 2,000 neighbors.

Love your city and want to have a say in your area? Then consider running for the ANC. To learn more, check out www.oanc.dc.gov. 

Of course, also check out the DC Board of Elections at www.dcboe.org.

There might also be some initiatives/referenda to be decided on the November ballots. 

Do let the LGBTQ+ Victory Fund/Institute know if you are running either for the Board of Education or your local ANC at www.victoryfund.org.

Continue Reading

Popular