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Coming out is not the serve you think it is

This rite of passage does not center queerness

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Coming out is undoubtedly part of the essence of contemporary queer culture. It represents a point in oneā€™s journey to complete self-actualization where they fully accept themselves, their body, and also demand to occupy space in an insidiously cis-heternormative world. 

This concept/journey has become such a treasured part of queerness, so much so that National Coming Out Day is celebrated every year on Oct. 11, not only to commemorate the 1979 National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights which demanded civil rights and legislation for LGBTQ people, but to also allow queer people to be visible, unabashedly live in their truths, and inspire others who may be fearful to do likewise. 

On this day, millions of people around the world take to social media to pen heartfelt posts that usually include a picture of the individual (most probably displaying some iteration of a Pride flag) coupled with a paragraph about their journey ā€œliving in the closetā€ and how theyā€™re elated to be free. By letting the world know that they arenā€™t afraid to fully be themselves, queer people are claiming space where their presence has intentionally been ignored.

Albeit the power of ā€œcoming outā€ has to accent personal self-autonomy and challenge the pervasive nature of gender and sexual conformity, it ultimately does what queer liberation exists in contrast to: Appeasing cis-heternormative culture, or quite simply, making cis-straight (to be loosely referred to as ā€œstraightā€ for the rest of this piece) people feel comfortable. 

When LGBTQ people come out, they participate in a kind of performance that requires them to explain themselves to straight people. Queer people dig deep into their past experiences, which are often traumatic struggles, and in the process present what often translates into a chronology of why straight people should accept them, and more importantly, be ā€œcomfortableā€ with them. This is wrong.

Queerness should never center on straightness or straight feelings. By giving attention to straight people in queer journeys, we relegate undeserved power to straight people and allow for them to feel as if they need to be placated. 

Contemporary coming out culture indirectly uplifts what we are so vehemently fighting against ā€” practices that prioritize being straight over being queer. So, as we continue to come out, employers will feel as if they have the right to know of oneā€™s queer identity and terminate their employment upon learning of it.

Parents will demand to know of their childrenā€™s identity to ā€œprotectā€ them, which has more to do with managing their own appearances rather than caring for and empowering their queer children.

Friends and acquaintances will fight tooth and nail to decipher oneā€™s queerness so they can gauge what this entails for their personal and religious beliefs, and ultimately whether the friendship should continue because they feel as if they may be courted by their queer friend (which mostly likely will never happen), thereby unsettling their perception of themselves. 

Random strangers may also physically abuse and/or kill someone who reveals their sexual and/or gender identity on the basis of feeling as if theyā€™ve been ā€œliedā€ to or intentionally deceived. 

So, if coming out is not the serve we think it is, then how to LGBTQ people live in their truth and show the world itā€™s okay to be queer? Well, the answer is simple: The culture surrounding gender and sexuality must change.

With regards to gender, we must get rid of both the ā€œsexā€ and ā€œgenderā€ markers. Sex, in simple terms, refers to the genitals you were born with. Gender is the norms and behaviors that your parents and community around you project on you based on your sex. 

Time and again, it has become clear that, sex and gender simply cannot exist in binaries (yes, there are people who are born with both a penis and vagina simultaneously, or even neither.) The culture we function under has prescribed behaviors to people with certain genitals and expectations to people who identify with either of the two genders. This should stop. 

When it comes to health, medical professionals should be able to care for patients adequately and efficiently if they conceive of a personā€™s sexual organs as just being and not in relation to societyā€™s faulty prescriptions. You might ask, what does this mean for science and research? Well, we can be inclusive in medical research by drawing on the experiences of all possible sex identities instead of just narrowing it down to just male/female. Intersex people exist too! 

We should also abolish the notion of gender. When children are born, we should raise them as non-binary. Non-binary identity is the pinnacle of liberation because it rebels from the traditional boxes that confine identities. It allows people to be whoever they want, whenever, and on their own accord. 

By encouraging children to socialize into nonbinary identity, we allow them to fully discover who they are and allow them to exist at any point in the identity spectrum without feeling the pressure to contort into a specific, one-dimensional mold of behavior. There is no one way to be anything. Identity is subjective and shifts and changes with time. Let children grow into themselves without being told from an early age that thereā€™s a right and wrong way to be. 

We should also set boundaries on how to have conversations about sexuality. Oftentimes, the people most interested in a personā€™s sexuality have no business knowing about it. Sexuality and sex is intimate, and therefore, people should respect that boundary. What someone does during intercourse and with whom they do it should be no oneā€™s business. It should have no repercussions on oneā€™s social capital. Quite frankly, with whom someone sleeps affects no one but themself and the sexual partners involved. You wonā€™t die if your friend didnā€™t tell you they slept with someone who has the same genitals as them. Your company wonā€™t go bankrupt if your employee doesnā€™t disclose that theyā€™re transgender. 

We should move past caring about representation and work towards actualizing our liberation. Representation is good; it is important to see yourself reflected in society. However, representation is not the end goal. 

We should work to give poor queer people access to stable food, shelter and money. We should push for more queer-friendly mental health facilities. We should establish free universal healthcare that allows transgender individuals to medically transition at little to no cost. We should actively become anti-racist and create an environment where queer people of color never have to live under the shadow of racism.

Finally, we must stop worrying about straight people. The truth is, no matter how much we may try to create space for ourselves at a straight table, weā€™ll never be truly welcome. If we want to liberate ourselves we have to center ourselves, experiences and feelings. We have to fashion our own tables.Ā 

Appealing to straight people will never bring the acceptance and freedom we yearn so much for. If anything, it places us in an unending cycle where queerness is othered and never the norm enough for it to not matter. 

So should queer people stop coming out? Not necessarily. However, it is imperative that we create a world where queerness is normal enough that we donā€™t need to come out. 

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Trumpā€™s return threatens Ugandaā€™s gender equality and trans community

US has played pivotal role in supporting LGBTQ rights around the world

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President Donald Trump (Photo via White House/X)

The last few weeks have seen a dramatic shift in the global landscape ever since Donald Trump returned to the presidency of the United States in January 2025. In just his first few weeks in office, he has rolled out a flurry of executive orders that radically reshape trans rights ā€” most recently banning trans women and girls from participating in womenā€™s sports at federally funded schools. This move, a focal point of his 2024 campaign, accompanies another sweeping directive redefining sex as strictly male or female at birth, effectively denying the legal reality of transgender and nonbinary identities.

This represents a stark departure from recent U.S. policy, which had recognized gender identity as a protected category under federal law, following the Supreme Courtā€™s landmark ruling in Bostock v. Clayton County (2020). Rolling back those precedents and restricting transgender peopleā€™s rights across education, housing, healthcare, federal employment, and more, means that the new administration has signaled that it is willing to reverse hard-fought civil rights gains in the name of ā€œrestoring biological truth.ā€

Historically, the United States has played a pivotal role in supporting LGBTQ+ rights worldwide. Over the past decades, U.S. foreign policy, funding initiatives, and diplomatic interventions have often helped protect marginalized groups abroad from violence, discrimination, and stigma. Ugandan civil society organizations, especially those advocating for LGBTQ+ communities, have relied on U.S. backing ā€” both in principle and in practice ā€” by receiving grants, legal support, or endorsements from U.S. diplomatic missions. This assistance has been critical in a country where key population communities, particularly transgender individuals, face rampant societal backlash. Moreover, the recent passage of Ugandaā€™s Anti-Homosexuality Act (AHA) has entrenched an increasingly restrictive and repressive legal framework, fueling widespread societal stigma and discrimination that has intensified at home and is echoed in other parts of the continent.

In Uganda, ā€œtransgenderā€ itself is not legally recognized; most identity documents still list only male or female, without mechanisms to update the markers for those who have transitioned or identify outside binary classifications. This makes everyday life a constant struggle, with people facing suspicion or ridicule whenever their physical appearance doesnā€™t match the gender on their ID.

For transgender Ugandans, accessing healthcare is fraught with challenges. While recent years have seen small pockets of progress ā€” such as a Key Populations desk led by the Ministry of Health and the Uganda AIDS Commission in partnership with various development agencies, as well as a few clinics offering trans-friendly services and modest recognition of transgender-specific needs ā€” these efforts remain precarious and at risk of faltering.

One reason is the chilling effect that new U.S. executive orders may have on international donor funding. If federal agencies are mandated to halt the ā€œpromotionā€ or ā€œsupportā€ of what the Trump administration terms ā€œgender ideology,ā€ projects focusing on transgender health, counseling, or HIV prevention may find themselves unable to secure necessary funds. 

Following a sudden directive from PEPFAR, all implementing partners must suspend their activities for 90 days while determining how to proceed under the new executive orders. This abrupt halt severely disrupts Tranz Network Uganda (TNU)ā€™s community-led HIV prevention and treatment programs ā€” funded for essential interventions such as PrEP, ART initiation, HIV testing, health education, and the distribution of condoms and lubricants in trans community hotspots. As a direct result, 52 trans persons on ART now face treatment interruptions, two hundred will lose access to critical prevention kits and lubricants, and health talks planned for one hundred community members are on hold. Beyond these immediate setbacks, the directive endangers broader HIV response gains and disproportionately impacts a population already at high risk and facing systematic marginalization.

For a population that already struggles to access basic care, any interruption or shortfall in medical supplies or specialized training will have dire consequences. Ugandaā€™s trans community also depends on the moral and political support once offered by international partners. If the U.S. signals it no longer treats trans rights as human rights, local leaders who are already hostile to trans people could become more emboldened to adopt harsher measures. That could mean further restrictions on transgender-friendly healthcare, more aggressive policing, and the closure of community centers.

The precarious situation is compounded by existing human rights violations targeting sexual and gender minorities such as the Anti-Homosexuality Act. Transgender Ugandans often face physical violence, arbitrary arrests, and public outing, leading to loss of jobs, denial of housing, and ostracization from families. 

In the past, when local advocates or victims have sought help from foreign embassies or humanitarian agencies, they often turned to offices backed by U.S. funding or support. Now, in the wake of Trumpā€™s orders, a tense atmosphere has arisen ā€” again. Civil society groups are questioning whether they should tailor their programs more conservatively to avoid losing grants. Community leaders warn that a chain reaction could follow: When the U.S. steps away from acknowledging gender identity, local officials who are unsympathetic to transgender individuals see a green light to intensify crackdown efforts.

We must urge the U.S. government to reconsider these orders. At stake are the lives and well-being of people whose dignity and identity are summarily dismissed by a return to rigid definitions of sex and gender. Failing to uphold transgender rights and cutting off resources to supportive programs can worsen Ugandaā€™s strained public health system ā€” particularly for those seeking HIV and mental health services.Ā 

The United States should revisit its role as a leader in upholding the principles of equality and nondiscrimination, principles that once were hallmarks of its global engagement. Local communities and advocacy groups also need continued support and engagement from both governmental and non-governmental U.S. entities, which can influence policy through targeted funding, diplomacy, and public statements affirming that trans rights are human rights.

Moving forward, the administration in Washington should consider preserving or at least carving out exemptions for essential health, legal, and community-building services. If fully reversing these executive orders is politically difficult, then agencies should consult with experts, activists, and members of the transgender community themselves to mitigate harm and ensure that humanitarian needs are not overshadowed by ideological directives. 

Uganda is also party to various regional and international human rights treaties that obligate it to uphold non-discrimination. In August 2023, the Ministry of Health released a press statement mandating that health services be accessible to all without discrimination ā€” a pledge that stands in stark contrast to the current environment following the passage of the AHA. Government officials would do well to honor these commitments by reassuring the local transgender population that essential healthcare remains accessible, and by addressing the urgent need for legal identity mechanisms. Ultimately, dismantling the fragile network of trans-focused support not only imperils those on the margins but also undermines global progress toward fundamental human rights, equality, and compassion ā€” values that should know no borders.

Williams Apako is the executive officer of the Tranz Network Uganda and a board member of the Global Fundā€™s Uganda Country Coordinating Mechanism.

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Reflecting on interactions with President Jimmy Carter

An LGBTQ ally and devout Christian who adored his wife of 77 years

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President Jimmy Carter (Official White House photo public domain)

Itā€™s September 1998, and Iā€™m at lunch with several other journalists and a grandmother. As I sip my Coke, I hear a friendly male voice. You can tell heā€™s smiling. ā€œTime to shake hands now,ā€ he says.

Weā€™re at the Carter Center in Atlanta for a few days. The other reporters and I have received Rosalynn Carter Fellowships for Mental Health Journalism. The grandma sitting with us is former first lady Rosalynn Carter, and the man with the warm smile is former President Jimmy Carter. ā€œAs soon as we get on a plane,ā€ Mrs. Carter says, ā€œJimmy walks down the aisles and shakes hands with everybody. He knows they want to say hi to him.ā€

Jimmy Carter died Dec. 29 in hospice care in Georgia. President Biden declared Thursday a National Day of Mourning and Carter’s funeral will take place at Washington National Cathedral that day. After the funeral, Carter and his family will return to Plains, Ga. to Maranatha Baptist Church for a private funeral and then to Carter’s private residence for interment.

Twenty-five years ago, we journos were at the Carter Center to meet with experts in mental health so we could report accurately on the issue.  

The fellowship program was founded in 1996 by Rosalynn Carter. Mrs. Carter, who died in 2023 at age 96, was no mere figurehead. She knew every detail about our fellowship projects. Heaven help us, if sheā€™d caught us asleep at the switch.

It takes nothing away from Mrs. Carter to note how essential her personal and professional partnership with her husband Jimmy Carter was to her and her work.

Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter were married in 1946. The first thing that hit you when you saw them together was how deeply they loved each other. There was nothing sappy about how they were with each other.

One morning, President Carter ambled into the conference room before our session on stigma and mental health was about to begin. Kenneth W. Starr had just delivered his report on (then) President Bill Clintonā€™s alleged abuses and affair with Monica Lewinsky. Naturally, we, the reporters in the room, asked Jimmy Carter how he felt about Bill Clinton. We were committed to mental health journalism. But, a former president was there ā€“ standing by the wall.

President Carter didnā€™t seem to want to hold back. He said he didnā€™t think that highly of Bill Clinton. But, before he could go on to say more, Mrs. Carter gave him a look. The look you give your spouse after decades of loving togetherness. Especially, if youā€™re a political couple and your mateā€™s being grilled by scribes eager to make news. ā€œI know,ā€ Jimmy Carter said, smiling, to Rosalynn Carter, his most ardent supporter and astute critic, ā€œIā€™m talking too much, darlinā€™. Iā€™m leaving now.ā€

You could tell how proud President Carter was of Mrs. Carter. At lunch or dinner, youā€™d see him nodding approvingly at her when she spoke of her work. You could see it in how he teased her. ā€œRosalynn talks about mental health all the time,ā€ Jimmy Carter said, with a laugh, one night, as he saw Mrs. Carter chatting with us about how the media reported on mental health.

What I most recall about Jimmy Carter is his generosity of spirit. ā€œI beat Jerry Ford,ā€ President Carter said, ā€œbut Rosalyn and I are good friends with the Fords now.ā€

He wasnā€™t using the word ā€œfriendsā€ in the way politicos often do. The Carters and the Fords were friends who worked together on mental health and other issues.

I hadnā€™t yet come out as a lesbian when I was at the Carter Center. But I didnā€™t feel I had to remain closeted or silent about my (then) partner. Carter was, what today likely would be an oxymoron: a born-again Christian, who welcomed everyone.

The Carter Center, which the Carters founded after his presidency, is like a theme park, where, instead of standing in line for attractions, people work to resolve conflicts and eradicate diseases.

Thank you, President Carter for your work, humanity and being an LGBTQ ally. R.I.P., Jimmy Carter.


Kathi Wolfe, a writer and poet, was a regular contributor to the Blade. She wrote this tribute just before she passed away in June 2024.

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What does Trudeau’s resignation mean for the queer community?

Be careful what you wish for

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Justin Trudeau marches at Toronto Pride in 2015, months before being elected prime minister. (Photo courtesy of Rob Salerno)

LGBTQ Global originally published this commentary. The Washington Blade is republishing it with permission.

On Monday, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced he was stepping down as leader of the Liberal Party, and thus as prime minister as soon as the party chooses his replacement. Thereā€™s a lot to unpack about how we got here and what happens next, but itā€™s important to note exactly how transformative Justin Trudeau was on LGBTQ rights in Canada.

When Trudeau came to power in 2015, he was following nearly 10 years of rule under the Stephen Harper Conservatives. Harperā€™s Conservative Party was new force in Canadian politics, merging the old-school business-minded Progressive Conservative Party with the more radical and frequently explicitly bigoted Canadian Alliance/Reform Party. Harper was able to take advantage of Canadaā€™s badly designed electoral system and fractured political left to win three elections with 36, 37, and 39 percent of the vote. Unbowed by the lack of majority electoral mandate, the Conservatives relished in forcing through their agenda without seeking support from other parties.

Harper immediately called a vote on repealing same-sex marriage, which had become national law only a year prior (the vote failed, which Harperā€™s defenders like to argue was the plan all along.) He immediately slashed funding to civil rights defenders who had won a string of court victories for LGBTQ people. Arts, culture, and tourism boards were warned theyā€™d come under scrutiny if they funded queer groups and programs. The Conservatives blocked justice reforms like equalizing the age of consent and protecting transgender people in law.

After a decade of this shit, LGBTQ Canadians and progressives were exhausted and demoralized.

Trudeau swept into office in 2015 and set about immediately changing the tone. That first year was a lot of photo ops and press statements and Cabinet appointments designed to ensure that every marginalized community felt that they were represented in the new government. Trudeau even became the first prime minister to march in a Pride parade ā€” something he did over and over in multiple cities.

Conservatives derisively called it all ā€œvirtue signalingā€ or and relentlessly told a certain segment of the electorate that they should be offended by it all.

But for the most part, the Trudeau government delivered, especially for LGBTQ people.

Two key reforms came about in its first term: An overhaul of the Criminal Code that removed a number of laws that were still used to target queer people, including a sodomy law that included a higher age of consent and a ban on gay sex if it involved more than two people. Also removed were several obscenity and bawdy house provisions that were used to harass queer communities.

The other was the trans rights bill, C-16, which included explicit protections for trans people in federal human rights law and included them as a protected class in the hate crime and hate speech provisions of the Criminal Code. Itā€™s genuinely astounding in retrospect how much impact this bill had given how little it actually changed. Canadian courts had already ruled that trans people were generally protected under sex discrimination laws, and in any event, the federal human rights code doesnā€™t really cover much in Canada. The far more important provincial human rights codes had mostly been updated to include ā€œgender identityā€ years before the federal code anyway.

But the passage of C-16 was also the launching pad for one of Canadaā€™s most notorious far-right cranks, Jordan Peterson. An obviously disturbed and disgraced former university professor, Peterson gained a global following of anti-trans weirdos and incels by spreading lies about C-16. The community that formed around Peterson is now a core constituency of the Conservative Party under opposition leader Pierre Poilievre. Indeed, Petersonā€™s interview of Poilievre last week on YouTube was treated as some kind of Yalta Conference for cringey weirdos ā€” and may be why Elon Musk took a sudden interest in Poilievre this week.

But that wasnā€™t all Trudeau delivered for the queer community.

The Trudeau government banned conversion therapy. It restored and expanded funding to civil rights groups, queer organizations, and the arts. It drafted and implemented a strategy to promote 2SLGBTQIA+ rights and inclusion across government (yeah, that the governmentā€™s official acronym.) It issued an historic apology, expungement, and compensation scheme for people whoā€™d been convicted or fired from the public service under old anti-gay laws. It added an ā€œXā€ gender option for federal ID (passports). It ended the ban on gay/bi blood, tissue, and semen donors.

Trudeau also guided Canada through an unprecedented series of global and national crises, including the COVID pandemic, the first Trump presidency, Russiaā€™s invasion of Ukraine, an insurgency against the government (fully supported by the Conservatives), and a national reckoning with Canadaā€™s shameful treatment of its Indigenous people.

But he was unable or unwilling to reckon with a series of major problems that have only been exacerbated by those crises: A soaring cost of living, a crumbling health care system, and a growing sense that nothing seems to ā€œworkā€ in Canada ā€” from a post office that refuses to deliver packages, to parks that refuse to unlock their bathrooms, to criminals that go free because packed courts canā€™t hear their trials in time, to infrastructure and defense projects that drag on years beyond schedule and billions of dollars over budget.

The fact that most of these problems are under the jurisdiction of provinces that are almost entirely being mismanaged by Conservatives ā€” sorry, the feds have to wear Canada Post ā€” hasnā€™t blunted the peopleā€™s decision that Trudeau is to blame for every ill in Canada. Heck, thatā€™s basically the Conservative slogan these days.

Trudeau probably should have stepped down a few months ago, to give the party a chance to choose a successor in an orderly fashion. Instead, heā€™s made himself a lame duck days before Trump takes office, threatening to annex Canada (and Greenland and Panama) through economic power, whatever the hell he means by any of that. The Liberal Party will soon announce rules for how a nationwide vote on the new leader will be held, and candidates are already jockeying into place. A new leader will have to be chosen by March 25, when parliament is recalled and the opposition is likely to force an early election, likely in mid-May.

According to current polls, the Liberal Party is cooked, and the Conservatives are poised to pull a near-sweep of parliament. Of course, itā€™s also possible that a leadership contest brings a fresh appealing face to the Liberals, and theyā€™re able to recover some position ahead of the vote, whenever it is. Or Canadians will become concerned with the Conservative Partyā€™s growing ties to Trump Republicans.

Poilievre, who cut his teeth in the Harper government as its most unscrupulous attack dog, is trying to position himself as the reasonable person who can unite and fix a fractured Canada. I have my doubts, given his entire public history. Heā€™s also been notably palling around the worst anti-LGBTQ bigots in Canada and making vaguely threatening statements about banning trans women from bathrooms.

As Canadians get ready to head to the polls, itā€™s worth remembering what Conservatives do when theyā€™re in power.

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