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Author Kenny Fries on being queer, disabled, and Jewish

How the three identities formed his rather irreverent take on life

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Kenny Fries is the author of several books, including ‘The History of My Shoes and the Evolution of Darwin’s Theory.’

(Editor’s Note: One in four people in America has a disability, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention. Queer and disabled people have long been a vital part of the LGBTQ community. Take two of the many queer history icons who were disabled:  Michelangelo is believed to have been autistic. Marsha P. Johnson, who played a heroic role in the Stonewall Uprising, had physical and psychiatric disabilities. Today, Deaf/Blind fantasy writer Elsa Sjunneson, actor and bilateral amputee Eric Graise — Marvin in the “Queer as Folk” reboot — and Kathy Martinez, a blind, Latinx lesbian, who was Assistant Secretary of Labor for Disability Employment Policy for the Obama administration, are only a few of the numerous queer and disabled people in the LGBTQ community. Yet, the stories of this vital segment of the queer community have rarely been told. In its monthly, year-long series, “Queer, Crip and Here,” the Blade will tell some of these long un-heard stories.)

In 1991, when he was living in Provincetown, he agreed to be a model for a guide to “gay sex,” gay, disabled and Jewish author and poet Kenny Fries writes in his memoir “The History of My Shoes and the Evolution of Darwin’s Theory.”

Fries, 62, who’s just been awarded a Disability Futures Fellowship by the Ford Foundation, has been disabled since birth.

His medical records say that he has “congenital deformities of the lower extremities,” Fries said in an email interview with the Blade, “Basically, I was missing bones in my legs when born.”

Sometime later, Fries learned that the medical term for his disability is “fibular hemimelia.” “There is no known cause,” he added, “and it is nothing a pregnant mother does or doesn’t do that causes this.”

Back in 1991 in Provincetown, the local artist who was working on the gay sex guide wanted to make sure that it would correctly portray a disabled man having sex.

Fries was pleased when the artist showed him the pictures he’d taken of him and his partner in the modeling session. “I recognize the images of myself in both the photos and the drawing as very beautiful,” Fries writes.

But a week later, Fries’s feelings of pride were dissed. The guide’s art director didn’t like how the drawing turned out, Fries recalled the artist telling him. “‘He said that in the drawing the disability didn’t read. He wants me to cut off one of your legs,’” Fries writes.

Coming out wasn’t that difficult for Fries. Though, “I’m sure at times it felt difficult,” he said. “I think it was the combination of being both gay and disabled that posed the most challenges.”

If you’re disabled, you’re likely to run into ableism in the form of inaccessibility, pity, employment discrimination, discomfort, and fear. Perhaps, most hurtful, especially if you’re queer and disabled, is what Fries calls the myth of “the ideal body.” (This reporter is queer and disabled.)

Anyone with a body that is perceived as different is up against this myth, Fries said. “Everyone is affected by this myth, even straight white men. They just don’t know it as much as we do.”

Though he’s been disabled since he was born in Brooklyn, N.Y., and his disability is quite noticeable, Fries didn’t “come out” as disabled until he was in college.

Fries saw a psychologist after he began having panic attacks. “He did something not quite kosher,” Fries said, “making a deal with me that he’d come see the musical I was directing if I went to talk with Irv Zola, a disabled professor who taught at Brandeis, where I was an undergraduate.”

In those days, Zola was one of the very few disabled faculty at any college. “It was sheer luck that he was at mine,” Fries said.

At Zola’s suggestion, Fries got in touch with the Boston Self-Help Center, and, for a time, joined their peer support group. After grad school, Fries moved to San Francisco. There, he met Marilyn Golden, a disability rights movement leader. Meeting Golden, his first mentor, launched Fries’s disability rights journey.

Another important step for Fries in his “coming out” as disabled was when he took part in the Contemporary Chautauqua on Performance and Disability that was organized by Vicki Lewis at the Mark Taper Forum in Los Angeles in 1994. There, Fries met creative nonfiction and fiction writer Anne Finger, playwright Susan R. Nussbaum and other disabled writers. These writers became his “comrades in arms,” he said.

Golden and Nussbaum died earlier this year. It was “a great personal and community loss,” Fries said.

The apartment building where he grew up was like a “vertical high rise shtetl,” Fries said, when asked how being Jewish fit into his queer and disabled identity.

“An ex called me ‘the Nazi Trifecta,’” Fries said, “as Jews, the disabled and queers were persecuted and killed during the Nazi regime.”

Being queer, disabled, and Jewish – being triply “othered” has emphasized his “questioning,” Fries said, “especially of societal structures and institutions.”

Somehow, he believes, these three identities combined to form his rather irreverent take on things.

The writing bug bit Fries early on. “As a child, I was always thinking of plays,” Fries said, “and wrote some silly ones.”

Fries is one of our time’s most distinguished and important queer and disabled writers. He is the author of “Province of the Gods,” “The History of My Shoes and the Evolution of Darwin’s Theory” and “Body, Remember: A Memoir.” His books of poetry include “In the Gardens of Japan,” “Desert Walking” and “Anesthesia.”

If you’re visibly disabled, you’re stared at often by nondisabled people. 

Fries has helped disabled people, queer and non-queer, to reclaim the stare. He edited the groundbreaking anthology “Staring Back: The Disability Experience from the Inside Out,” in which writers, including queer icon Adrienne Rich, reflect on their lived experience of being disabled.

“I didn’t realize Rich was disabled (she had rheumatoid arthritis) until I saw her using a cane at a reading in the Bay Area,” Fries said.

Fries lives with his husband, who is Canadian, in Berlin. They met when Fries was in Japan in 2005 and married in 2007.

“Living in cultures other than my own, as well as travel, has always been a foundation of my work,” Fries said.

Occasionally, Fries has encountered “direct” ableism in the queer community. Such as the time decades ago when he wasn’t allowed into a gay bar in Florence, Italy. Or the “very rare” sexual rejection by a nondisabled person. “This harkens back to the ideal body myth,” Fries said.

More insidious to Fries is the ableism of inaccessible queer spaces and events and the lack of inclusion of disabled people on queer-related panels at readings and events.

Then, there are the apps, Fries said. “How many disabled guys does one encounter on Grindr?” he said. “Even the profile questions asked show the default is not to think of physical difference.”

Fries came to Berlin to do research for the book he’s working on “Stumbling Over History: Disability and the Holocaust” and his video series “What Happened Here in the Summer of 1940?”

“The disabled were the first group to be mass murdered in gas chambers in Aktion T4, the Nazi program that killed 70,000 disabled persons,” Fries said.

“After T4 officially ended, 230,000 more disabled people were killed by gas,” Fries added, “as well as by other means, such as starvation, medication overdose and neglect.”

This is still a relatively unknown history to most people, even in Germany, Fries said.

Fries’s supply of energy is boundless. He has curated “Queering the Crip, Cripping the Queer,” the first international exhibit on queer/disability history, activism, and culture. It opened at the Schwules Museum Berlin on Sept. 1 and runs through the end of January 2023.

The exhibit includes the work of more than 20 contemporary queer/disabled artists.

A major theme of the exhibit is “‘the ideal body’,” Fries said, “how this fantasy has pervaded both queer and disability history and lives, and how queer/disabled artists have counteracted this.”

Many people know Audre Lorde as a queer, Black icon. But most don’t think of her as having a disability. Yet, Lorde, who had cancer, was disabled. She is included in the exhibit.

“Lorde was a very important figure for the Afro-German women’s movement,” Fries said. 

Lorde wrote about having cancer in “The Cancer Journals.” She had an ahead-of-her- times view of disability, Fries said. “In an interview featured in the exhibit, she talks about a feminist book fair in London in 1984, which was held in an inaccessible space.”

It is important for all of us that such events be made available to disabled women, Lorde said in the interview, “and we should make sure they are announced in black women’s magazines.”

Lorde understood intersectionality before it became popular, Fries said.

For more information go to: kennyfries.com

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Movies

Nick Kroll and Andrew Rannells want to adopt baby in ‘I Don’t Understand You’

Film premiered at SXSW in Austin

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(Courtesy photo)

Editor’s note: Jack Morningstar attended SXSW in Austin, Texas.

“I Don’t Understand You” focuses on a couple whose romantic Italian getaway devolves into bloody chaos while they prepare to adopt their first child. 

The film, while veering into hilariously gruesome hijinks, tells the story of a gay couple who is willing to kill for a chance at fatherhood. It sheds light on the hurdles that same-sex couples often go through in the adoption process: Financial burdens, time constraints, fraud, and in this case, a rural Italian family.

The film premiered last weekend at SXSW in Austin and stars Nick Kroll and Andrew Rannells along with Nunzia Schiano, Morgan Spector and Eleonora Romandini. It was written and directed by Brian Crano and David Craig, who are married. They sourced inspiration from their own adoption struggles and an Italian vacay gone wrong. 

“We were about to leave for Italy when we found out that we had matched with a birth mother and our son would be born in about six weeks,” said Crano. 

According to Craig, the trip was tense and it culminated in their car getting stuck in a ditch on their way to an anniversary dinner.

“We ended up at an old lady’s house after she rescued us in her Fiat. Her family cooked us a meal and we stayed up drinking with them until 3 a.m., not understanding a word they were saying,” he said.

Without spoiling anything, the couple in the movie go to absurd lengths to ensure that their adoption goes through. Craig explained that the theme of the movie was “what would you do for your kid.” 

“We were three years into our own journey at the time and realized we would literally do anything to make that dream a reality. It’s really a love letter to our son,” he said.

The film is hard to relegate to a single genre. 

“When conceiving the story, we saw it as different parts — romantic comedy, horror movie, murder play — but I think by bringing in Nick and Andrew that blend actually became much more of an organic mix where the comedy sustained throughout. They elevated it in a more elegant fashion,” said Craig. 

“I Don’t Understand You”was produced by Pinky Promise, a women-led production company with the mission to elevate diverse voices in their storytelling. Kara Durrett, Pinky Promise’s current president was a champion of this script from the beginning. Founder Jessamine Burgum recounts that when Durrett was onboarding, she said “If you don’t get [“I Don’t Understand You”] I don’t know if this is going to work.” 

It ultimately became one of the first projects Burgum and Durrett collaborated on. 

Kroll and Rannells’ chemistry carried the film. 

“There was a desire to work with each of them because they had both separately been in such amazing comedian teams — like Andrew with Josh Gad and Nick with John Mulaney. Nick and Andrew’s characters are in almost every scene of the movie together, so they needed to be adept to basically doing a shared performance. There was no one more well-positioned to do this as naturally as possible,” said Crano. 

Their characters are easy to root for, yet also deeply flawed. 

“A big thing we wanted to do with this movie, and with all of our work in telling stories, is avoid telling a cliched gay trauma film. We’ve never ascribed to the idea that there is a subcategory to film that is LGBTQ, rather — movies are for everyone. We want to make a movie where gay characters are flawed, not for being gay, but because of who they are. They can be villains, but they are our protagonists,” said Craig. 

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Out & About

Celebrate spring with these D.C.-area events

Galas, Cherry Weekend, Pride, and more on tap

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The annual Pride on the Pier with fireworks show is set for Saturday, June. 8 at the Wharf. (Photo courtesy of The Wharf DC)

Temperatures outside are starting to rise and the sun is shining again. Here’s a list of upcoming D.C. events that can make enjoying the good weather even that much more thrilling.

Cherry Weekend Washington begins on Thursday, April 4. The Cherry weekend is a spectacular and joyous event held over four days featuring 16 world renowned DJs, nine different events and four fun daytime parties.

3rd Friday Night Open Mic will take place on Thursday, March 15 at 9 p.m. at the Bus Boys and Poets location in Brookland. This event will be hosted by Mariah Barber (they/she), a queer storyteller, consultant, spoken word artist, and activist who has been creating social justice-oriented art for the last 15 years. Tickets start at $5 and can be purchased on Eventbrite

RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 15 winner Sasha Colby will bring her Sasha Colby: Stripped Tour to the Howard Theatre on Wednesday, March 27 at 6:30 p.m. Tickets are $75 and can be purchased on the Howard Theatre’s website

Decades DC returns with Throwback Thursdays on Thursday, March 14 at 10 p.m. This event will have an open air rooftop and the first drink is on the house. Entry is free until midnight and more details are available on Eventbrite

Skin and Wellness Center will host Equinox Celebration on Tuesday, March 19 at 7 p.m. at 929 W. Broad St. This event will involve movement, breath work, meditation and community connection to celebrate the spring equinox and embrace energies of rebirth, fertility, creativity, balance, and expansive growth for mind, body, and spirit. Tickets cost $28.52 and can be purchased on Eventbrite

Models Inc. will host The Front Row! Fashion Show on Saturday, March 30 at 7 p.m. at the Silver Spring Black Box Theatre. This is the ultimate destination for designers seeking to showcase their talent and brand. This exclusive event provides a platform to promote artistry and visions, featuring various artists, creatives, fashion enthusiasts, models, stylists, and visionaries. Tickets start at $35 and can be purchased on Eventbrite

Spring Bling Adult Prom will be on Friday, April 26 at 8 p.m. at Graces Event Center. Guests are encouraged to wear their favorite spring colors and show up for a night of dancing, food and fun.Tickets cost $92.55 and can be purchased on Eventbrite.

TSR Productions will host Spring Salsa Bash on Saturday, March 23 at 8 p.m. at The Salsa Room Tysons. This event will feature Hermanos Galvan and Orquesta live in concert playing the best salsa, bachata, and merengue. There will also be top DJs playing the best in Latin trap, urbana, reggaetton. Tickets start at $25 and can be purchased on Eventbrite

We Will Survive Cancer will host Spring Fling Cocktail & Dance Party on Saturday, April 20 at 7:30 p.m. at Whino. This event will be hosted by DJ Steve. Tickets cost $25 and all proceeds are donated to cancer patients. More details are on Eventbrite.

Chase Brexton Health Care hosts its 2024 Gala at the Baltimore Museum of Art, with the theme centered around the NEW Roaring ‘20s on Saturday, March 30. Details at chasebrexton.org

CAMP Rehoboth’s annual Women’s FEST is scheduled for April 25-28. Lea DeLaria will headline with Crys Matthews opening. Visit camprehoboth.org for details.

Trans Pride Washington, D.C. is scheduled for Saturday, May 18. The full day of conference activities will take place at the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial Library. Visit transpridewashingtondc.org for details.

The Blade’s 17th annual Summer Kickoff Party in Rehoboth Beach is scheduled for Friday, May 17; details to be announced soon.

D.C.’s 49th annual Pride celebration kicks off May 31-June 9, culminating with the parade and festival. Visit capitalpride.org for details. The annual Pride on the Pier with fireworks celebration is slated for Saturday, June 8, 2-9 p.m. at the Wharf. Visit prideonthepierdc.com for details.

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Travel

Gay hotel company brings luxury to Puerto Vallarta

Tryst Puerto Vallarta to open this spring

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Tryst Puerto Vallarta (Photo courtesy of Tristan Schukraft)

The Tryst Puerto Vallarta begins welcoming discerning gay guests this spring, just in time for the Mexican resort city’s Pride celebrations. 

The 55-room resort includes a penthouse suite featuring two terraces, three large suites with expansive living areas and terraces and several junior suites with unique features. A highly anticipated rooftop pool with a bar area and restaurant offering fine Mexican cuisine are just some of the highlights. 

“You can stay here and never leave the resort,” said Tristan Schukraft, the driving force behind Tryst Hotels, and self-described CEO of “everything gay.”

While he started out in his career working in the early days of electronic ticketing, Schukraft may be more known for his work with MISTR, a popular online source for PrEP. He also recently entered into an agreement to purchase the Abbey in West Hollywood, Calif.

With Tryst he promises “it’s a fun, exciting atmosphere.” 

“The idea is not just the guests are coming to the resort, but locals,” said Schukraft. “So, when you stay here it’s the way to mingle with the local gay community.”

To welcome and include both guests and locals, the resort will host drag brunches in the hotel restaurant. Weekend parties featuring DJs on the eighth floor pool and bar area also seeks to make this not just a place to stay, but one to celebrate with the community.

Schukraft hopes visitors will get to know guests or locals poolside, or in the restaurant, and make lifelong friendships. 

Or perhaps find a bit of romance: After all the hotel is set in the famed Zona Romántica.  

“Tryst Hotels are not merely luxury destinations; they are a celebration of gay culture, where every guest is embraced,” said Schukraft. “Our mission is to create spaces where luxury and identity flourish without compromise.”

Tryst Hotels CEO Tristan Schukraft. (Photo courtesy of Tristan Schukraft)

The D.C. Travel and Adventure Show took place last month in D.C., and LGBTQ-specific travel was among the topics the convention highlighted. The Washington Blade in its preview of the expo noted LGBTQ travelers may book a resort or vacation that promises “everyone is welcome,” but upon arrival feel uncomfortable by reactions of staff or other guests due to expressing their identity as queer people. 

Schukraft has experienced this. 

“I was at a hetero-friendly hotel Miami, but it was also marketed to gay men,” he explained. “So, you have two guys kissing at the pool and you have a straight couple looking over and wondering are they staying at a gay hotel. It’s sort of an awkward occurrence.” 

Everyone, therefore, is welcome at Tryst resorts, but it is not being marketed outside of the community. 

“My boyfriends and I have even experienced side-eye glances for our choice of swimwear,” Schukraft said. “You won’t find that at Tryst Hotels.”

Speaking of attire: Many luxury guesthouses, inns and hotels catering to gay men offer clothing-optional zones for guests. It’s an allure for some travelers. 

But, not at Tryst.

“Don’t get me wrong, clothing optional resorts are fun, but that’s not our concept. Our concept is a luxurious, inclusive resort,” Schukraft said with a touch of elan apropos for the “CEO of everything gay.” “Of course wear your thongs [and] Speedos.”

Tryst Puerto Vallarta and Tryst San Juan in Puerto Rico, which is slated to open in 2025, are being marketed as gay-owned, gay-focused resorts with luxurious offerings and amenities. Many resorts known to epitomize luxury may be seen as slightly conservative or “stuffy.” 

Luxury promises not to come only in the form of superior bedding, bathrobes, slippers and skincare products, but also in the stunning interiors. 

The Puerto Vallarta property engaged the same studio known for their acclaimed work at the Four Seasons Tamarindo. Designers from Estudio Esterlina bring a refined mix of minimalism, modernism and Mexican. 

“Why can’t you have fun and luxury in the same space? Here, you let your hair down by the pool, enjoy a pool party, a fine Mexican meal in our full-service restaurant, a drag brunch on weekends and socialize with new friends all while feeling safe,” Schukraft said. “Our goal is to show luxury doesn’t have to mean stuffy.”

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