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Catching up with the asexuals and aromantics of D.C.

Exploring identity and finding community

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Local asexuals and aromantics met recently on the National Mall.

There was enough commotion in the sky at the Blossom Kite Festival that bees might have been pollinating the Washington Monument. I despaired of quickly finding the Asexuals and Aromantics of the Mid-Atlantic—I couldn’t make out a single asexual flag among the kites up above. I thought to myself that if it had been the Homosexuals of the Mid-Atlantic I would’ve had my gaydar to rely on. Was there even such a thing as ace-dar?

As it turned out, the asexual kite the group had meant to fly was a little too pesky to pilot. “Have you ever used a stunt kite?” Bonnie, the event organizer asked me. “I bought one. It looked really cool. But I can’t make it work.” She sighed. “I can’t get the thing six feet off the ground.” The group hardly seemed to care. There was caramel popcorn and cookies, board games and head massages, a game of charades with more than its fair share of Pokémon. The kites up above might as well have been a coincidental sideshow. Nearly two dozen folks filtered in and out of the picnic throughout the course of the day.

But I counted myself lucky that Bonnie picked me out of the crowd. If there’s such a thing as ace-dar, it eludes asexuals too. The online forum for all matters asexual, AVEN, or the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, is filled with laments: “I don’t think it’s possible.” “Dude, I wish I had an ace-dar.” “If it exists, I don’t have it.” “I think this is just like a broken clock is right twice a day type thing.” What seems to be a more common experience is meeting someone you just click with—only to find out later that they’re asexual. A few of the folks I met described how close childhood friends of theirs likewise came out in adulthood, a phenomenon that will be familiar to many queer people. But it is all the more astounding for asexuals to find each other this way, given that asexual people constitute 1.7% of sexual minorities in America, and so merely .1% of the population at large. 

To help other asexuals identify you out in the world, some folks wear a black ring on their middle finger, much as an earring on the right ear used to signify homosexuality in a less welcoming era. The only problem? The swinger community—with its definite non-asexuality—has also adopted the signal. “It’s still a thing,” said Emily Karp. “So some people wear their ace rings just to the ace meet-ups.” Karp has been the primary coordinator for the Asexuals and Aromantics of the Mid-Atlantic (AAMA) since 2021, and a member of the meet-up for a decade. She clicked with the group immediately. After showing up for a Fourth of July potluck in the mid-afternoon, she ended up staying past midnight. “We played Cards against Humanity, which was a very, very fun thing to do. It’s funny in a way that’s different than if we were playing with people that weren’t ace. Some of the cards are implying, like, the person would be motivated by sex in a way that’s absurd, because we know they aren’t.” 

Where so many social organizations withered during the pandemic, the AAMA flourished. Today, it boasts almost 2,000 members on meetup.com. Karp hypothesized that all the social isolation gave people copious time to reflect on themselves, and that the ease of meeting up online made it convenient as a way for people to explore their sexual identity and find community. Online events continue to make up about a third of the group’s meet-ups. The format allows people to participate who live farther out from D.C. And it allows people to participate at their preferred level of comfort: while many people participate much as they would at an in-person event, some prefer to watch anonymously, video feed off. Others prefer to participate in the chat box, though not in spoken conversation.

A recent online event was organized for a discussion of Rhaina Cohen’s book, “The Other Significant Others,” published in February. Cohen’s book discusses friendship as an alternative model for “significant others,” apart from the romantic model that is presupposed to be both the center and goal of people’s lives. The AAMA group received the book with enthusiasm. “It literally re-wired my brain,” as one person put it. People discussed the importance of friendship to their lives, and their difficulties in a world that de-prioritized friendship. “I can break up with a friend over text, and we don’t owe each other a conversation,” one said. But there was some disagreement when it came to the book’s discussion of romantic relationships. “It relegates ace relationships to the ‘friend’ or ‘platonic’ category, to the normie-reader,” one person wrote in the chat. “Our whole ace point is that we can have equivalent life relationships to allo people, simply without sex.” (“Allo” is shorthand for allosexual or alloromantic, people who do experience sexual or romantic attraction.)

The folks of the AAMA do not share a consensus on the importance of romantic relationships to their lives. Some asexuals identify as aromantic, some don’t. And some aromantics don’t identify as asexual, either. The “Aromantic” in the title of the group is a relatively recent addition. In 2017, the group underwent a number of big changes. The group was marching for the first time in D.C. Pride, participating in the LGBTQ Creating Change conference, and developing a separate advocacy and activism arm. Moreover, the group had become large enough that discussions were opened up into forming separate chapters for D.C., Central Virginia, and Baltimore. During those discussions, the group leadership realized that aromantic people who also identified as allosexual didn’t really have a space to call their own. “We were thinking it would be good to probably change the name of the Meetup group,” Emily said. “But we were not 100% sure. Because [there were] like 1,000 people in the group, and they’re all aces, and it’s like, ‘Do you really want to add a non-ace person?’” The group leadership decided to err on the side of inclusion. “You know, being less gatekeep-y was better. It gave them a place to go — because there was nowhere else to go.”

The DC LGBT Center now sponsors a support group for both asexuals and aromantics, but it was formed just a short while ago, in 2022. The founder of the group originally sought out the center’s bisexual support group, since they didn’t have any resources for ace folks. “The organizer said, you know what, why don’t we just start an ace/aro group? Like, why don’t we just do it?” He laughed. “I was impressed with the turnout, the first call. It’s almost like we tapped into, like, a dam. You poke a hole in the dam, and the water just rushes out.” The group has a great deal of overlap with the AAMA, but it is often a person’s first point of contact with the asexual and aromantic community in D.C., especially since the group focuses on exploring what it means to be asexual. Someone new shows up at almost every meeting. “And I’m so grateful that I did,” one member said. “I kind of showed up and just trauma dumped, and everyone was really supportive.”

Since the ace and aro community is so small, even within the broader queer community, ace and aro folks often go unrecognized. To the chagrin of many, the White House will write up fact sheets about the LGBTQI+ community, which is odd, given that when the “I” is added to the acronym, the “A” is usually added too. OKCupid has 22 genders and 12 orientations on its dating website, but “aromantic” is not one of them — presumably because aromantic people don’t want anything out of dating. And since asexuality and aromanticism are defined by the absence of things, it can seem to others like ace and aro people are ‘missing something.’ One member of the LGBT center support group had an interesting response. “The space is filled by… whatever else!” they said.  “We’re not doing a relationship ‘without that thing.’ We’re doing a full scale relationship — as it makes sense to us.”

CJ Higgins is a postdoctoral fellow with the Alexander Grass Humanities Institute at Johns Hopkins University.

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District of Columbia

$3.7 billion RFK stadium proposal draws support from Team DC

Washington Commanders ‘proud’ to champion LGBTQ community

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The long-suffering RFK Stadium will be razed to make way for a new domed facility that could one day host the Super Bowl. (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

Miguel Ayala, president of the D.C. LGBTQ sports organization Team D.C., has expressed support for the $3.7 billion deal reached between Mayor Muriel Bowser and the Washington Commanders football team to bring the team back to D.C. in a redeveloped site on the grounds of the city’s long shuttered RFK stadium.

With the deal calling for the city to provide $1 billion in taxpayer funds for infrastructure related costs for the massive redevelopment project — and with the Commanders to provide the remaining $2.7 billion — as of this week the deal did not have majority support on the D.C. Council, which must vote to approve it.

Ayala’s support for the project on behalf of Team D.C. raises the question of whether members of the city’s influential LGBTQ community might play some role in urging the D.C. Council to approve the project.

The proposal comes at a time when the Washington Commanders team includes a message of support for the LGBTQ community on its website. The message follows its hosting last October of its 4th annual LGBTQ Pride Night Out at the Commanders game against the Cleveland Browns.

“The Washington Commanders are proud to champion the LGBTQ+ community and its allies,” the team states on its website. “Through the unifying power of sports, we aim to create a culture where all feel welcome and celebrated.”

In a statement released to the Washington Blade, Ayala points out that the Commanders are among every D.C.-based professional sports team that hosts a Pride Night Out event, which Team DC helps to organize.

“Each year, our events have grown stronger, with vibrant tailgates, on-field celebrations, and powerful moments that shine a spotlight on our community,” Ayala said. “We can’t wait to kick off our first Night Out at the Commanders Stadium in 2030.”

He was referring to plans by the Commanders organization and the D.C. mayor’s office to have the stadium deal approved by the D.C. Council in July, with construction of the new stadium to begin then, and with a planned completion in time for the 2030 professional football season.

Ayala also points out that the RFK stadium grounds currently serve as home to LGBTQ-related sports activity, including the D.C. Gay Flag Football League and the D.C. Front Runners group. He added that the RFK grounds will serve as the playing fields for this year’s WorldPride Capital Cup sports competition, where LGBTQ rugby and soccer teams from around the world will compete.

“This new stadium will be more than just a field – it will be a powerful new addition to the vibrant, diverse, and proud communities we champion every day,” he said in his statement.

At an April 28 news conference, Bowser, Washington Commanders owner Josh Harris and other city officials provided details of the stadium project, noting that it includes a massive development of the new stadium and the surrounding 180 acres of land.

In addition to the 65,000-seat domed stadium, officials said the project would include 5,000 to 6,000 residential housing units, with 30 percent designated as “affordable” for low- and moderate-income residents. They said the project would also include parks and recreation areas, hotels, restaurants, retail, and neighborhood amenities.

“As we focus on the growth of our economy, we’re not only bringing our team home, but we’re also bringing new jobs and new revenue to our city and to Ward 7,” Bowser said in a statement

Opponents of the project, including D.C. Council Chair Phil Mendelson (D-At-Large), have said they don’t believe the city should use its own funds for a stadium and the related development. 

So far, just four Council members have expressed support for the project. Mendelson and two other Council members have expressed opposition, and the remaining five have not yet said whether they would vote for or against it. The project needs seven of the current 12-member Council for it to be approved.

Council member Zachary Parker (D-Ward 5), the Council’s only gay member, who initially had not taken a position on the proposal, this week said he was looking at the project more favorably, according to news media reports. 

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District of Columbia

Welcome home: DC LGBTQ Center opens its doors to healing and hope

The 6,671 square foot DC LGBTQ Center will offer a wide range of resources for LGBTQ individuals in need – including mental health services, job readiness programs, cultural events, and community support groups, all under one roof.

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The D.C. Center (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

On a sunny spring day in Washington’s Shaw neighborhood, the once empty Holzbeierlein Bakery warehouse now showcases energy, pride, and the sounds of chosen family coming closer together. After years in a less-than-perfect space on 14th Street, the DC LGBTQ community finally has a new home at the DC LGBTQ Center—and Executive Director Kimberley Bush says it’s more than a building. It’s a promise.

That promise, Bush explained to the Washington Blade on April 26—the day of the new LGBTQ Center’s opening—may change depending on who is being uplifted by the DC Center, but at its core remains the same goal: a thriving LGBTQ community in the nation’s capital. The commitment to the DC LGBTQ community is able to grow more connected and stronger, she explained, as more resources, space, and funding become available for the DC Center.

“This is a glorious home,” Bush said, beaming as groups of community members walked in under the giant inflatable rainbow at the Center’s doors. “It’s our new home. Today was a whole day of welcome home. This space has been an amazing endeavor for a long time, one that we’ve always known we’ve needed. This is space that we need for our LGBT siblings in need—and it’s amazing when your intentions match your efforts.”

The DC Center has long worked to “educate, empower, uplift, celebrate, elevate, and connect” the LGBTQ community from its former location at the Reeves Center. But now, in its new space at 1828 Wiltberger St., N.W., these efforts are more visible, accessible, and impactful than ever before.

“This space is a model that is new, that we are creating,” Bush said as groups of DC Center supporters chatted with Etta James’s “At Last” filling the hallways. “There is, I believe, no other LGBTQ+ community center in the country that not only has its own life and supportive services in its building, but is also co-housed with other organizations. A lot of community centers try and do it all, but that’s not what we wanted. We wanted to be able to bring everybody together under one roof, to be able to have that whole life supportive services center like one-stop shopping. We didn’t want to take over anything anyone else did. We don’t want to take away the dollars those organizations have to do what they do for the community. We want us all to be together. So that’s what we are. We’ve been able to now expand into almost 7,000 square feet of space.”

(Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

The new DC Center features a variety of functional spaces designed to meet the diverse needs of the LGBTQ community. It includes office space for up to nine additional partner organizations, creating a hub for collaboration and support. Local and integral LGBTQ organizations like SMYAL, Team DC, and HIPS are some of the groups taking advantage of the space.

“People can be spread out,” Bush said about the opportunity for these LGBTQ-specific organizations to have a dedicated office in the Center. “We are on a grander scale, so we have a grander number of individuals that we can positively and effectively take care of. We [as members of the DC LGBTQ Center] can’t provide everything someone needs, but we can be an outpost for other organizations. Because we’ve expanded, we are able to expand the love, kindness, and support we can give our siblings.”

Additional support, Bush explained, is made possible by the intentional design of the new DC Center. Specialized rooms meet critical needs—from an HIV and STI testing room to therapy spaces and a boutique offering professional attire for job interviews. While the DC Center may not provide every service directly, it offers a shared space where partner organizations can step in and support the community—all under one roof.

“Often people are not able to go here, here, and here, to get what those gaps in life are creating,” she said. “To bridge them in one space just gives that person the opportunity to have less on their heart and their mind in regards to what they need to take care of themselves.”

In addition to being able to provide a space for instrumental elements of protecting the safety and well-being of the DC LGBTQ community, the Center also has a food pantry, a boutique with a clothing closet, an ADA-accessible shower, a mailroom to assist those without a permanent address, and a spacious kitchen.

This, she explained, is why this space is so monumental to providing the DC LGBTQ community the resources they need in a succinct and approachable way.

(Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

“By bridging those gaps and having as much as we can here means you’re in one space to get your needs met,” she added. “From sexual health needs, in terms of testing, counseling, and what have you, to mental and behavioral health needs. You can get food, you can get clothing, you can shower. You can store some of your things here. That is such an ease off of your mind to where now you can breathe.”

After stepping into the Center’s director role in 2022, Bush said that she often sees her “siblings” within the community make a better life for themselves starting by walking through the front doors. Sometimes the following steps take more time and resources than for others, but regardless of what it takes, Bush emphasized the goal is to alleviate some stress and make tomorrow an approachable reality.

“I have the amazing opportunity to interact with our community members, our siblings, on a regular basis,” she said. “Often I see them when they first walk in our door. Sometimes they walk in unhappy, sometimes devastated, or they walk in not in a good space. When they come in and invite us in to hear their stories, when they want to share what’s going on with them so we can learn how to best care, love, and support them, it’s incredible. We make a POA, a plan of action, outlining how to take care of them and what that’s going to take.”

Walking through the Center, it is hard to not notice the smiles coming from everyone’s faces—from volunteers, board members, community members, and those seeking assistance. The DC Center, with its rainbow murals and shining floors, has become a beacon of hope for many LGBTQ Washingtonian residents in need. For some, Bush explained, that can be as simple as having a space for solace in a city that seems to have no shortage of stressors.

“The space is made for anyone who’s in need, and even if you’re not,” she said. “This is a place for you to come and be peaceful. A place for you to come and have a cup of tea, not to pay a thing, or have to talk to anybody. You can just sit here and have a cup of tea.”

The more she spoke about the space, it became clear that providing a space for LGBTQ people to be is just as important as providing spaces for the services to take place. The DC LGBTQ Center invites people to not only find what they need to make themselves better in a literal sense but also allows them to simply exist. It is rare for a city to provide this kind of refuge from the constant motion that life demands. And that can be life-changing, she says.

“I will say, ‘How are you today? How are you feeling today?’ ‘How are you’ and ‘how are you feeling’ are two different things, but I do want to know how you’re feeling. If you don’t answer me, that’s good. You know? That’s perfect,” Bush said. “This space is built for everyone, especially for trans and non-binary folk, and for our brown and Black folk. It’s a space for those who just need a space to be.”

In a world that often erases or overlooks LGBTQ people, especially trans, non-binary, Black, and brown community members, the simple act of being seen and cared for can be revolutionary. The DC Center aims to be a place for LGBTQ people to be themselves—not to force them to prove anything or lead them to speak, but to truly be themselves. That quiet affirmation of ‘allowing to be’ can plant the seed to a better, more authentic life.

(Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

“One thing that I love to hear, and it makes me feel so good, because they say it in a way that’s just like you and I would say it, or anyone would say it, but sometimes they may not have thought they would say it. They would say, ‘See you tomorrow. See you later.’ This is a person who may not have had tomorrow in their mind. Where you and I say that all the time, but for a lot of our people, our siblings, who come to us, that may not be a thing for them. But when they come in our doors, receive the care and the love and the support and kindness, but then they walk out and they say, ‘See you tomorrow,’ and we do see them tomorrow! I can tell you that this response not only drives me to do this work, because this is good work and I’m very fortunate and privileged to be here, but it’s hearing that out of someone’s mouth. That’s it. That’s all I need.”

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District of Columbia

Ruby Corado sentencing postponed for third time

Attorneys say former Casa Ruby director has ‘significant medical issues’

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Ruby Corado has pleaded guilty to one count of wire fraud. (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

A federal judge on April 8 approved a request by defense attorneys to postpone the sentencing of Ruby Corado, the founder and executive director of the now closed D.C. LGBTQ community services organization Casa Ruby on a charge of wire fraud, from April 29 to July 29. 

Court records show that Judge Trevor N. McFadden of the U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia approved a motion filed by Corado’s two defense attorneys on that same day calling for the sentencing postponement on grounds of health issues.

“Ms. Corado has significant medical issues,” the April 8 motion states. “She has an important medical appointment related to one of her diagnoses scheduled in June 2025 and will need time to recover from that appointment,” it says.

The motion gives no further details on Colorado’s medical issues. A.J. Kramer, director of the D.C. Office of the Federal Public Defender, whose attorneys are representing Corado, said the office has a policy of never disclosing specific medical related information regarding its clients.

Court records show that prosecutors with the Office of the U.S. Attorney for D.C. did not object to the defense motion seeking the third sentencing postponement. 

The records show that an earlier postponement of the sentencing, from March 28 to April 29, was initiated by the judge due to a scheduling conflict. The first postponement from Jan. 10 to March 28 came at the request of Corado’s attorneys, court records show.

Corado pleaded guilty on July 17, 2024, to a single charge of wire fraud as part of a plea bargain deal offered by prosecutors. The charge to which she pleaded guilty says she allegedly diverted at least $150,000 “in taxpayer backed emergency COVID relief funds to private offshore bank accounts for her personal use,” according to a statement released by the U.S. Attorney’s office.

Prosecutors have said funds that Corado allegedly diverted for her own use were intended to be used by Casa Ruby in support of its various programs, including housing services for homeless LGBTQ youth and support for LGBTQ immigrants.

The U.S. Attorney’s statement also notes that in 2022, when “financial irregularities at Casa Ruby became public,” Corado sold her home in Prince George’s County, Md. and “fled to El Salvador.” It was at that time that Casa Ruby ceased its operations.

Court records show that FBI agents arrested Corado on March 5, 2024, at a hotel in Laurel, Md., shortly after she returned to the U.S. At the request of her attorney and against the wishes of prosecutors, another judge at that time agreed to release Corado into custody of her niece in Rockville, Md., under a home detention order.

The release order came seven days after Corado had been held in jail at the time of her arrest by the FBI.

Under the federal wire fraud law Corado could be sentenced to a possible maximum sentence of 30 years in prison, according to the U.S. Attorney’s statement. However, court observers have said that due to Corado’s decision to waive her right to a trial and plead guilty, prosecutors will likely ask the judge to hand down a lesser sentence than the maximum sentence.  

The statement by prosecutors points out that Corado’s decision to plead guilty to the one charge came after she had been charged in a criminal complaint filed on March 1, 2024, with bank fraud, wire fraud, laundering of monetary instruments, monetary transactions in criminally derived proceeds, and failure to file a report of foreign bank accounts. 

All those charges except for the wire fraud charge were dropped at the time of her guilty plea.

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