Living

Labor of love

Md. man remembers late spouse, years of activism

Published

13 years ago

January 3, 2013

Michael K. Lavers

Larry Esser (right) with his late spouse Tom Toth. (Photo courtesy of Larry Esser)

GLEN BURNIE, Md.—Larry Esser was 25 when he met Tom Toth on his first day of work at the old Chessie System’s office in Baltimore in June 1981. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention had just reported the first cases of what later became known as AIDS. Maryland’s anti-sodomy law was still on the books, but Toth, who was 32 years older than Esser, felt it was important to live his life as an openly gay man.

“Tom kind of pursued me, to put it quite bluntly,” Esser tells the Washington Blade during a Dec. 13 interview. “I really liked him, that’s the funny thing. I didn’t feel like he was imposing himself or anything like that … he’s the bravest person I’ve ever met. His personal courage astonished me.”

Esser stressed he “had no idea I was gay” when he met his future spouse. He grew up in what he describes as an “extremely strict Roman Catholic household” in Connecticut where he routinely heard gay people “were probably worse than murderers and they were to be avoided at all costs” and they were “mentally defective.” Esser eventually found himself in a relationship with another man he conceded wasn’t “going anywhere” when Toth finally made his move.

“He was sitting at his desk and he was singing,” Esser recalls, laughing. “It was like in a joking sort of way he was singing and the other people around him were laughing when he was doing it and he was singing something about it’s springtime and it’s time for love. The way he tells this story, I came in the door and heard him singing that and I tried to sneak away. I didn’t want any part of that. And he saw me and he said, ‘Uh oh.’ And that’s when he began to realize that I was not what he thought I was. How can you explain how two people fall in love? I can’t explain that. But it just happened. I wasn’t afraid of him personally.”

Gay News, Washington Blade, Gay Maryland

Frank Kameny with Tom Toth in D.C. (Photo courtesy of Larry Esser)

Couple’s activism starts at home

The couple routinely engaged in what Esser calls “guerrilla activism” that began when he said the railroad fired him after they began dating in 1983 because of his sexual orientation. He considered moving back to Connecticut, but Toth insisted he move into the small Glen Burnie home he shared with his then-84-year-old mother, Mary.

“There was no arguing with that,” Esser says. “The funny thing is when he said it, it was exactly what I wanted to hear, but of course I couldn’t ask him that. It was up to him to ask me, and he did. And I was delighted.”

Esser took care of Toth’s elderly mother until she died the following year. He says the same Chessy System vice president whom he claims fired him threatened to do the same to his partner once he found out they were living together. (He says the railroad in the late 1970s had tried to fire an early member of the Baltimore Gay Alliance that later became the GLBT Community Center of Baltimore and Central Maryland, but the union fought for him.)

“He couldn’t do it directly,” Esser says, recalling efforts to fire Toth, who was a unionized stenographer. “He did a bunch of different things to try to get Tom to quit. And amazingly, Tom was actually ready to resign. A woman whose name I can’t remember, but will always be grateful to her told him don’t resign because the railroad is going to do a bunch of buyouts and you’ll be able to get a lump sum payment and retire, and that’s what he did.”

The couple also for years distributed copies of the Blade at locations throughout Anne Arundel County.

They decided to approach the Anne Arundel County Public Library Board of Trustees in Annapolis in 1993 after they read about the newspaper’s threatened lawsuit against the Fairfax County (Va.) Library for its proposed ban on the publication’s distribution inside its branches. Esser said Toth was “really rough with them,” in part because “he’d gone through a very repressive time back in the 1950s.” (He lived in Manhattan for 25 years and the New York Police Department once arrested him during a gay bar raid.)

“When we got to the library board, he told them point blank, ‘You’d better do this,’” Esser says. “They were not happy. They were not happy at all. I think some of them were actually kind of sympathetic to what we wanted to do, but they were taken aback by how assertive he was. They weren’t used to that. The library board is used to people coming and requesting things, not telling them what they’re going to do. And they were not happy.”

Esser says one of the board members later told him the board did not want to meet with Toth anymore because “he was very blunt,” but in the end they granted them permission to place 15 copies of the Blade in libraries in Glen Burnie, Severna Park and Annapolis. They continued distributing the Blades each week from the Center for more than two decades.

“By putting the paper there, I always felt that, I always wondered … if a young person going by thinking they were maybe gay or knew they were gay but felt very isolated, if they saw those papers, maybe that would give them a little bit of encouragement or a little bit of reassurance. But the other point was just sheer visibility. By having those papers there, Tom used to say … if even one person picks one up, he said even if they throw them away they still got to look at them. And that was an excellent point. And he was quite right. That meant a lot to us.”

Trust the truth

The AIDS epidemic had begun to exert its toll on gay men by the time the couple began dating — Esser recalls a time both he and Toth went to a small Severna Park health clinic to get HIV tests. Toth says the nurse asked him whether he was a gay man. “He said that was the first time in his entire life anyone asked him that directly,” Esser says. “He had never been asked that question.”

Larry Esser today. (Blade photo by Michael K. Lavers)

Esser says he felt the atmosphere during the late 1980s was “pretty optimistic” in spite of the epidemic and late-North Carolina Sen. Jesse Helms, fundamentalist preachers Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson and other social conservatives who sought to demonize gay men during the AIDS crisis.

“Oddly enough, Tom never disliked [then-President Ronald] Reagan, but I think that’s because he remembered him from his movie star days,” Esser says. “He felt Reagan didn’t understand the whole situation that he was dealing with AIDS and gay people. He felt that Reagan really just didn’t understand it. It’s not that he was anti-gay particularly; he just didn’t really know what he was doing … I didn’t feel so kindly to Reagan at all. I thought he was just horrible.”

Toth and Esser also became involved in the effort to add sexual orientation to Maryland’s non-discrimination law in the 1990s.

He recalls one legislator who was “really being ridiculous, saying really ugly things about us” during a hearing on the measure in Annapolis. One of this lawmaker’s colleagues who had refused to listen to his speech asked Toth and Esser how they could stand to hear his rhetoric.

“Tom said, ‘Well we know it isn’t true, so we don’t worry about it,’” Esser says. “Of course you’ve got to fight. You can’t let people say things that aren’t true and let them say it without challenging it. And Tom did that. But at the same time you can’t let it stop you. You can’t let that negativism stop you. You have to keep fighting, pushing against it and that’s what Tom really, really did.”

Esser notes that Toth’s life spanned the same period through which Frank Kameny lived — the two met during the 2000 D.C. Pride parade. And Esser says when they met, it was as if they were kindred spirits.

“They were really speaking the same language,” he says, noting both Esser and Kameny came of age in the 1950s when lobotomies were performed as a way to cure homosexuality. “It was very impressive for me being a younger person relative to them seeing what these two men must have come through and how they were both so determined to do what they were doing. They refused to back down. They refused to accept what they were being told they had to accept. They wouldn’t do it. And that was a beautiful thing to me. It’s a moment I will never forget.”

Mesothelioma that Toth developed from asbestos exposure while working at a Baltimore shipyard that built liberty ships during World War II had already taken its toll by the time Gov. Martin O’Malley signed the state’s same-sex marriage law in March.

Toth and Esser legally married in D.C. in 2010, but he wanted to vote for both Question 6 and President Obama on Election Day. He applied for an absentee ballot because he did not think he would live until Nov. 6.

It arrived in the mail in early October.

“It came and I said do you want to sign it?,” Esser, who fought leukemia at the same time his spouse struggled with mesothelioma, says. “And he said, ‘No, I’ll do it tomorrow. Well the next day he wasn’t strong enough.”

Toth died three days later — on Oct. 11 — at age 88.

“He never did sign the absentee ballot,” Esser says. “He was very aware of what was going on. He was politically interested. He definitely wanted Obama to win. We just detested Romney. The hardest thing to communicate to people who were not gay (is) how much Obama had done to us, compared to everybody else.”

Esser says Toth wondered whether history would remember Obama along the same lines as Franklin Roosevelt in terms of “what he had done, particularly for gay rights.”

“When you come from a time where you were ignored totally … and suddenly here’s the president and he’s doing all these executive orders and this happening and that’s happening and then he comes out in favor of same-sex marriage, well that’s fantastic,” Esser says. “He was just delighted.”

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Real Estate

Ensuring safer drinking water

A 2026 update on lead-free D.C.

Published

3 days ago

March 15, 2026

Scott Bloom

A D.C. initiative to remove lead pipes and make drinking water safer has been underway for more than a year. (Photo by Jin Odin/Bigstock)

In September 2024, I wrote about the District’s Lead-Free D.C. initiative, an ambitious effort to remove lead pipes and make drinking water safer for every resident in our city. Since that original article, a number of important developments have taken shape that affect everyone living in the District. Key drivers in the legal landscape surrounding this issue such as disclosure, testing, and infrastructure planning have been sharpened. The city’s sweeping pipe replacement efforts are continuing to evolve against the backdrop of broader federal drinking-water rules and funding changes.

What was once largely public health conversation for the future is now a practical reality for many property owners and renters. The water service line replacement project has moved from planning and is presently underway throughout the city.

Elevated levels of lead in drinking water is a perplexing challenge in many U.S cities. Researchers documented elevated lead levels in D.C.’s water system more than two decades ago, spotlighting how old infrastructure can pose a hidden health risk even in one of America’s wealthiest cities. Local leaders responded with pipe replacement plans that have continued in the years since.

The Lead-Free D.C. initiative remains the central effort to reduce that risk by replacing water supply lines. These are the pipes that carry water to your home or rental property from the street. D.C. Water estimates that tens of thousands of lead or galvanized service lines still exist in the city and must be systematically replaced to eliminate this exposure.

What Has Changed Since September 2024

Over the past 18 months, several shifts have rippled through policy, practice, and the daily experience of both landlords and tenants:

Local Disclosure and Tenant Rights: The city has strengthened disclosure requirements. Today, property owners are expected to provide clear written disclosures about known lead service lines, any testing that has been done, and records of past replacements. Tenants also have the right to request lead testing of their tap water, and landlords are responsible for ordering and passing along the test kit, and are required by law to share results with tenants when requested.This reflects an ongoing push toward transparency and an informed occupancy.
Pipeline Replacement Planning: D.C. Water and the District Government are continuing to roll out their block-by-block lead service line replacement work, with construction schedules publicly available through a Lead-Free D.C. construction dashboard. The goal is to remove by 2030 all lead service lines on both the public and private side, though timelines and funding mechanisms are still being refined as the work continues. D.C.’s Lead-Free DC initiative stipulates that DC Water is responsible to replace the public portion of a lead service line at no cost to the property owners. This is the section running from the water main under the street to the property owner’s lot line. When DC Water is already replacing the public side as part of a scheduled infrastructure project, it will also offer to replace the private-side service line (into the building) at no cost to the owner, as long as the owner grants access and signs a right-of-entry agreement. In these cases, DC Water pays the contractor directly, and the entire lead service line is removed in one coordinated effort.

When no public-side project is scheduled, owners may still qualify for full private-side replacement coverage through the District’s Lead Pipe Replacement Assistance Program (LPRAP). If approved, the program covers the cost of replacing the private-side lead pipe, with funds paid directly to the contractor. Property owners are typically responsible for selecting the contractor, coordinating the work, and covering any costs outside the approved scope of work. Funding is subject to availability, and eligible applicants may be placed on a waiting list depending on annual program budgets.

Implementation Best Practices: To avoid challenges and misunderstandings regarding the responsibilities during such a significant undertaking, fully investigating the program and how it works is a good first start as is regular and clear communications.

It’s helpful for both property owners and residents to have a clear understanding of what D.C. Water and construction crews will be doing during a lead service line replacement and what follow-up work may remain once the project is complete. Like any major infrastructure upgrade, the process can involve temporary water shutoffs, excavation around the building, and some restoration afterward, such as repairing landscaping or sections of sidewalk. While these short-term disruptions can be inconvenient, they’re a normal and necessary part of modernizing the city’s water system and ensuring safer drinking water for the long term.

Federal Drinking Water Rules: On the national stage, the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) finalized in October 2024 the Lead and Copper Rule Improvements (LCRI). The LCRI requires public water systems across the country to inventory and plan to replace lead service lines, and to remove all lead pipes within about a decade. It also strengthens testing, monitoring, and public notification requirements and lowers the action level for lead exposure, building on earlier revisions to the Lead and Copper Rule.

While these federal changes do not rewrite Washington, D.C.’s specific legal requirements for landlords and tenants, they do help shape funding opportunities, compliance expectations, and the broader national push to eliminate lead plumbing, which can affect utilities, state programs, and local infrastructure planning.

Federal drinking water regulations are subject to administrative review, litigation, and potential revisions as presidential administrations change. While the EPA’s 2024 Lead and Copper Rule Improvements remain in effect as of this writing, aspects of implementation, enforcement timelines, or funding mechanisms may evolve through future rulemaking, court decisions, or congressional action. These federal rules do not override Washington, D.C.’s independent authority to adopt and enforce its own public health, housing, and water safety requirements, which continue to govern landlord and tenant obligations within the District regardless of federal regulatory shifts.

What Landlords Should Know

For landlords in D.C., these evolving expectations matter in 3 key ways:

Disclosure Is Now a Must: You are expected to provide prospective tenants with upfront information about lead service lines, known test results, and replacement history before lease signing. Existing tenants must also be informed if you learn anything new about the plumbing system.

Testing Should Be Welcomed, Not Avoided: When tenants request a lead water test, you’re now required to provide D.C. Water’s approved kit and cooperate with the process. The test results give both sides clear information about water quality and whether additional remediation is advisable.

Capital Investment May Be Unavoidable: Even if much of the public-side work is funded by D.C. Water, private-side service line replacement costs and restoration work may still fall to the property owner if the home still has lead service lines. Planning for both the expense and the logistics is key to be able to take advantage of this program being offered to D.C. homeowners.

What This Means for Tenants

For renters, the changes bring clearer rights and fewer unknowns. Tenants no longer have to guess whether lead pipes serve their home; they can request testing, receive timely results, and rely on official disclosures when deciding where to live and how to protect their health.

Transparent communication with the landlord, responsiveness to testing requests, and participation in replacement programs turn regulatory requirements into real-world safeguards. In that way, landlord action directly shapes tenant trust, housing stability, and long-term public health outcomes.

At a moment when the District is investing heavily in its infrastructure, landlords who plan ahead and participate help to ensure that these public resources translate into safer housing, stronger neighborhoods, and a city better equipped for the future.

Why This Still Matters

Lead-free water shouldn’t be a luxury. Continued investment by federal and local governments in Washington, D.C.’s water infrastructure reflects a shared commitment to the city’s long-term health and livability. Modernizing service lines helps ensure that people can raise families here, age in place, and remain part of their communities without the added health concerns associated with lead exposure.

Landlords who take the time now to understand, disclose, and plan for lead service line replacement not only comply with evolving expectations, but they also strengthen the long-term value and marketability of their properties.

Scott Bloom is owner and senior property manager of Columbia Property Management.

Real Estate

Spring into sold

Budget-friendly ways to prepare your home for hottest selling season

Published

3 weeks ago

February 27, 2026

Justin Noble

Painting your home is the cheapest, easiest way to improve its appearance when selling.

As the days grow longer and buyers re-emerge from winter hibernation, the spring market consistently proves to be one of the strongest times of year to sell a home. Increased inventory, motivated buyers, and picture-perfect curb appeal make it a prime window for homeowners ready to list.

The good news? Preparing your home for spring doesn’t require a full renovation or a contractor on speed dial. A few thoughtful, cost-effective updates can dramatically elevate your home’s appeal and market value.

Here are smart, inexpensive ways to get your property market-ready:

Fresh Paint: The Highest Return on a Small Investment

Few improvements transform a home as quickly and affordably as paint. Neutral tones remain the gold standard, but today’s buyers are gravitating toward warmer tan hues that create an inviting, elevated feel without overwhelming a space. Soft sandy beiges and warm greige-leaning tans provide a clean backdrop that photographs beautifully and allows buyers to envision their own furnishings in the home.

Freshly painted walls signal care and maintenance — two qualities buyers subconsciously look for when touring properties.

Removable Wallpaper: Style Without Commitment

For homeowners wanting to introduce personality without permanence, removable wallpaper offers a stylish solution. A subtle textured pattern in a powder room, a soft botanical print in a bedroom, or a modern geometric accent wall can add depth and character. Because it’s easily removed, it appeals to both sellers and buyers — creating visual interest without long-term risk.

Upgrade Light Fixtures for Instant Modernization

Outdated lighting can age a home instantly. Swapping builder-grade fixtures for modern, streamlined options is one of the simplest ways to refresh a space. Consider warm metallic finishes or matte black accents to create a cohesive, updated look. Proper lighting not only enhances aesthetics but also ensures your home feels bright and welcoming during showings.

Elevate Curb Appeal: First Impressions Matter Most

Spring buyers often decide how they feel about a home before they ever step inside. Refreshing curb appeal doesn’t require major landscaping. Simple updates such as fresh mulch, trimmed shrubs, seasonal flowers, a newly painted front door, and updated house numbers can dramatically improve first impressions. Power washing the driveway and walkways also delivers a clean, well-maintained appearance for minimal cost. Even if you don’t have a curb to appeal- think potted plants on your patio, balcony and change out your door mat.

Deep Clean & Declutter (Seriously, It Matters)

A deep, top-to-bottom cleaning is basically free and one of the most impactful things you can do. Scrub floors, windows, grout, baseboards, appliances, bathrooms, and everything in between. Don’t forget to clean windows inside and out — natural light is a huge selling point. Declutter by packing up excess stuff, clearing off countertops, and minimizing personal items so buyers can see the space, not your life.

Let the Light Shine

Make your home feel bright and inviting by cleaning windows, opening blinds, and replacing dark or dated light fixtures with contemporary, budget-friendly options. Swapping in LED bulbs offers brighter light and lower utility costs — a small change that buyers appreciate. Pro tip: I always recommend removing widow screens to allow as much light in as possible

Neutralize Scents

Make sure the home smells fresh. Neutralizing odors — whether from pets, cooking, or moisture — creates a clean, welcoming atmosphere. Light natural scents like citrus or subtle florals can be inviting during showings. Think of how your favorite hotel smells and go for that.

Spring market rewards preparation. By focusing on high-impact, low-cost improvements, sellers can position their homes to stand out in a competitive environment. With thoughtful updates and strategic presentation, homeowners can maximize both buyer interest and potential sale price — all without overextending their renovation budget.

As activity increases and inventory begins to rise, now is the time to prepare. A little polish today can translate into significant results tomorrow.

Justin Noble is a Real Estate professional with Sotheby’s International Realty Servicing Washington D.C., Maryland, and the beaches of Delaware.

Advice

Dry January has isolated me from my friends

Is it possible to have social life without alcohol?

Published

3 weeks ago

February 27, 2026

Michael Radkowsky

Dry January has isolated me from my friends. (Photo by tilialucida/Bigstock)

Dear Michael,

Some of my friends and I decided to do Dry January.

The six of us are a posse, we’ve been friends for years. Many boyfriends and even a husband or two have come and gone but we get together all the time and travel together.

I think we all agreed that drinking is too big a part of our social lives and thought we’d give Dry January a shot.

So … I am feeling better and it’s only been three weeks.

I’ve actually lost a little weight, and it’s nice not to wake up with a hangover four mornings a week. I’m pushing 40 and no surprise, my body feels relieved.

But, I’m also the only one of us who is still doing it.

Which means they are all going out and I am not. So I am feeling lonely.

I could join them in going out but first of all, I don’t really want to hang out with them when they’re drunk and I’m trying to be alcohol free; and also, there’s a part of me that is afraid I will give in to temptation and have a drink. And then it will be back to business as usual.

But, I spent this past weekend, and every night this week, alone.

All of this has me thinking: what do I do in February? I really don’t want to start drinking again.

But, if I don’t, how do I stay part of my friend group? If they’re buzzed (or drunk) and I’m not, am I still going to fit in?

I’m disappointed in my friends. We were all in this together, I thought, but one thing after another came up for them.

Some special event where “everyone was drinking,” a work dinner where “I didn’t want to deal with everyone’s questions about why I wasn’t drinking,” “too much work stress not to have a martini,” etc. In the end they were all laughing about it and now they’re basically poking fun at me and essentially betting how long I will last. That doesn’t feel good. It’s like the whole thing was a whim or a joke to them.

Also, heavy alcohol use is pretty typical of our community. If I’m not drinking then how do I have a social life?

Appreciate your thoughts.

Michael replies:

It can be hard to be different. For example, to be gay in a straight world, or not to drink in a world where alcohol plays such a big part.

I’m a believer in living in a way that respects whom you actually are. This means doing what you think is important to do, even when there are consequences you don’t like. Only you can decide the boundary where the consequences of your living with integrity become intolerable.

Yes, many gay men drink a lot. So if you decide you don’t want to hang out where alcohol is involved, you will be reducing your options for socializing.

Some possibilities:

Discuss this situation with your friends. Ask them if they’re willing to spend some time with you and without alcohol. (Not all the time — that would be way too much to ask, given that they clearly enjoy drinking.) Perhaps if you explain why your request is important to you, they’ll be willing to lean in your direction at least some of the time. That they’re now mocking you for not drinking suggests I am a bit too optimistic about this possibility. But who knows? And, what have you to lose by asking?
See if you can tolerate hanging out with people who are drinking without picking up a drink yourself, and if you can actually enjoy such interactions.
Start looking for some new friends. There are, in fact, lots of gay men in this world whose social lives don’t revolve around alcohol (or other substances.)

On a separate but related note: given your fear that you will start drinking again, and your concerns about navigating life without alcohol, might you consider Alcoholics Anonymous to get some support?

I’ve seen AA and other 12-step groups help many friends and clients, and I think they work in two main ways.

First, attending meetings gives you support and a feeling of community. You’ll meet others who are working to be sober, hear their stories and share your own struggles with them. You’re likely to feel less alone in your effort to stop drinking, learn tools for staying sober, and make friends you can reach out to when you’re feeling vulnerable. You’ll also have a sponsor, your guide and advocate in the program, whom you talk with regularly.

Second, the program lays out “12 steps” of recovery that are a path to greater self-awareness and personal growth. Like good psychotherapy, the steps give you a framework for looking at your behavior patterns and taking responsibility for yourself.

If you are intrigued, the best way to learn more is to attend several 12-step meetings. There are many in our area, including gay groups (for example, the Triangle Club.) As I mentioned, if you do get involved in AA, a side benefit is that you’re likely to make some new friends who share your desire to build a life without alcohol.

Of course, making new friends does not have to mean cutting off your posse. But if you’re changing in ways that make them less of a great fit, it would be great to find some new folks who might be more on your wavelength to connect with.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, and New York. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected]