Living
Labor of love
Md. man remembers late spouse, years of activism
Larry Esser (right) with his late spouse Tom Toth. (Photo courtesy of Larry Esser)
GLEN BURNIE, Md.—Larry Esser was 25 when he met Tom Toth on his first day of work at the old Chessie System’s office in Baltimore in June 1981. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention had just reported the first cases of what later became known as AIDS. Maryland’s anti-sodomy law was still on the books, but Toth, who was 32 years older than Esser, felt it was important to live his life as an openly gay man.
“Tom kind of pursued me, to put it quite bluntly,” Esser tells the Washington Blade during a Dec. 13 interview. “I really liked him, that’s the funny thing. I didn’t feel like he was imposing himself or anything like that … he’s the bravest person I’ve ever met. His personal courage astonished me.”
Esser stressed he “had no idea I was gay” when he met his future spouse. He grew up in what he describes as an “extremely strict Roman Catholic household” in Connecticut where he routinely heard gay people “were probably worse than murderers and they were to be avoided at all costs” and they were “mentally defective.” Esser eventually found himself in a relationship with another man he conceded wasn’t “going anywhere” when Toth finally made his move.
“He was sitting at his desk and he was singing,” Esser recalls, laughing. “It was like in a joking sort of way he was singing and the other people around him were laughing when he was doing it and he was singing something about it’s springtime and it’s time for love. The way he tells this story, I came in the door and heard him singing that and I tried to sneak away. I didn’t want any part of that. And he saw me and he said, ‘Uh oh.’ And that’s when he began to realize that I was not what he thought I was. How can you explain how two people fall in love? I can’t explain that. But it just happened. I wasn’t afraid of him personally.”
Frank Kameny with Tom Toth in D.C. (Photo courtesy of Larry Esser)
Couple’s activism starts at home
The couple routinely engaged in what Esser calls “guerrilla activism” that began when he said the railroad fired him after they began dating in 1983 because of his sexual orientation. He considered moving back to Connecticut, but Toth insisted he move into the small Glen Burnie home he shared with his then-84-year-old mother, Mary.
“There was no arguing with that,” Esser says. “The funny thing is when he said it, it was exactly what I wanted to hear, but of course I couldn’t ask him that. It was up to him to ask me, and he did. And I was delighted.”
Esser took care of Toth’s elderly mother until she died the following year. He says the same Chessy System vice president whom he claims fired him threatened to do the same to his partner once he found out they were living together. (He says the railroad in the late 1970s had tried to fire an early member of the Baltimore Gay Alliance that later became the GLBT Community Center of Baltimore and Central Maryland, but the union fought for him.)
“He couldn’t do it directly,” Esser says, recalling efforts to fire Toth, who was a unionized stenographer. “He did a bunch of different things to try to get Tom to quit. And amazingly, Tom was actually ready to resign. A woman whose name I can’t remember, but will always be grateful to her told him don’t resign because the railroad is going to do a bunch of buyouts and you’ll be able to get a lump sum payment and retire, and that’s what he did.”
The couple also for years distributed copies of the Blade at locations throughout Anne Arundel County.
They decided to approach the Anne Arundel County Public Library Board of Trustees in Annapolis in 1993 after they read about the newspaper’s threatened lawsuit against the Fairfax County (Va.) Library for its proposed ban on the publication’s distribution inside its branches. Esser said Toth was “really rough with them,” in part because “he’d gone through a very repressive time back in the 1950s.” (He lived in Manhattan for 25 years and the New York Police Department once arrested him during a gay bar raid.)
“When we got to the library board, he told them point blank, ‘You’d better do this,’” Esser says. “They were not happy. They were not happy at all. I think some of them were actually kind of sympathetic to what we wanted to do, but they were taken aback by how assertive he was. They weren’t used to that. The library board is used to people coming and requesting things, not telling them what they’re going to do. And they were not happy.”
Esser says one of the board members later told him the board did not want to meet with Toth anymore because “he was very blunt,” but in the end they granted them permission to place 15 copies of the Blade in libraries in Glen Burnie, Severna Park and Annapolis. They continued distributing the Blades each week from the Center for more than two decades.
“By putting the paper there, I always felt that, I always wondered … if a young person going by thinking they were maybe gay or knew they were gay but felt very isolated, if they saw those papers, maybe that would give them a little bit of encouragement or a little bit of reassurance. But the other point was just sheer visibility. By having those papers there, Tom used to say … if even one person picks one up, he said even if they throw them away they still got to look at them. And that was an excellent point. And he was quite right. That meant a lot to us.”
Trust the truth
The AIDS epidemic had begun to exert its toll on gay men by the time the couple began dating — Esser recalls a time both he and Toth went to a small Severna Park health clinic to get HIV tests. Toth says the nurse asked him whether he was a gay man. “He said that was the first time in his entire life anyone asked him that directly,” Esser says. “He had never been asked that question.”
Larry Esser today. (Blade photo by Michael K. Lavers)
Esser says he felt the atmosphere during the late 1980s was “pretty optimistic” in spite of the epidemic and late-North Carolina Sen. Jesse Helms, fundamentalist preachers Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson and other social conservatives who sought to demonize gay men during the AIDS crisis.
“Oddly enough, Tom never disliked [then-President Ronald] Reagan, but I think that’s because he remembered him from his movie star days,” Esser says. “He felt Reagan didn’t understand the whole situation that he was dealing with AIDS and gay people. He felt that Reagan really just didn’t understand it. It’s not that he was anti-gay particularly; he just didn’t really know what he was doing … I didn’t feel so kindly to Reagan at all. I thought he was just horrible.”
Toth and Esser also became involved in the effort to add sexual orientation to Maryland’s non-discrimination law in the 1990s.
He recalls one legislator who was “really being ridiculous, saying really ugly things about us” during a hearing on the measure in Annapolis. One of this lawmaker’s colleagues who had refused to listen to his speech asked Toth and Esser how they could stand to hear his rhetoric.
“Tom said, ‘Well we know it isn’t true, so we don’t worry about it,’” Esser says. “Of course you’ve got to fight. You can’t let people say things that aren’t true and let them say it without challenging it. And Tom did that. But at the same time you can’t let it stop you. You can’t let that negativism stop you. You have to keep fighting, pushing against it and that’s what Tom really, really did.”
Esser notes that Toth’s life spanned the same period through which Frank Kameny lived — the two met during the 2000 D.C. Pride parade. And Esser says when they met, it was as if they were kindred spirits.
“They were really speaking the same language,” he says, noting both Esser and Kameny came of age in the 1950s when lobotomies were performed as a way to cure homosexuality. “It was very impressive for me being a younger person relative to them seeing what these two men must have come through and how they were both so determined to do what they were doing. They refused to back down. They refused to accept what they were being told they had to accept. They wouldn’t do it. And that was a beautiful thing to me. It’s a moment I will never forget.”
Mesothelioma that Toth developed from asbestos exposure while working at a Baltimore shipyard that built liberty ships during World War II had already taken its toll by the time Gov. Martin O’Malley signed the state’s same-sex marriage law in March.
Toth and Esser legally married in D.C. in 2010, but he wanted to vote for both Question 6 and President Obama on Election Day. He applied for an absentee ballot because he did not think he would live until Nov. 6.
It arrived in the mail in early October.
“It came and I said do you want to sign it?,” Esser, who fought leukemia at the same time his spouse struggled with mesothelioma, says. “And he said, ‘No, I’ll do it tomorrow. Well the next day he wasn’t strong enough.”
Toth died three days later — on Oct. 11 — at age 88.
“He never did sign the absentee ballot,” Esser says. “He was very aware of what was going on. He was politically interested. He definitely wanted Obama to win. We just detested Romney. The hardest thing to communicate to people who were not gay (is) how much Obama had done to us, compared to everybody else.”
Esser says Toth wondered whether history would remember Obama along the same lines as Franklin Roosevelt in terms of “what he had done, particularly for gay rights.”
“When you come from a time where you were ignored totally … and suddenly here’s the president and he’s doing all these executive orders and this happening and that’s happening and then he comes out in favor of same-sex marriage, well that’s fantastic,” Esser says. “He was just delighted.”
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Some vehicles age quietly — but not muscle cars.
For 2026, the Chevrolet Corvette tightens its focus, fixes one glaring flaw (the previously dowdy interior) and flaunts a futuristic design. The Dodge Charger, on the other hand, is loud and proud, daring you to ignore its presence at your peril.
CHEVROLET CORVETTE
$73,000-$92,000
MPG: 16 city/25 highway
0 to 60 mph: 2.8 seconds
Cargo space: 13 cu. ft.
PROS: Awesome acceleration. Race-car feel. Snazzy cabin.
CONS: No manual transmission. No rear seat. Tight storage.
Finally, the Chevrolet Corvette feels as good inside as it looks flying past you on the freeway. That’s thanks to the classy, completely redesigned cabin. Gone is the old, polarizing wall of buttons in favor of a sleeker, three-screen cockpit. There’s a large digital gauge cluster, a wide infotainment screen angled toward the driver, and a marvy new auxiliary display. Everything is modern and a bit glitzy — but in a good way.
Fit and finish are higher quality than before, and the controls are more intuitive. Chevy’s Performance App is now standard across trims, offering real-time data for drivers who enjoy metrics as much as momentum. And the new interior color schemes, including slick asymmetrical options, let you express yourself without screaming for attention—confidence, not obnoxious bluster.
As for handling, the steering is quick and sure, body control is exceptional, and acceleration is blazingly fast. A mid-engine layout also delivers sublime balance.
Three trim options, including the V8-powered Stingray, the E-Ray (also with a V8 but paired with electric all-wheel drive), and the Z06 and ZR1 variants for racing devotees.
(Note to self: For a truly mind-blowing experience, there’s the new 1,250-horsepower ZR1X all-electric supercar that goes from 0 to 60 mph in less that 2 seconds and is priced starting at $208,000.)
Yes, the ride in any of these Corvettes can be firm. And visibility is, well, rather compromised. But this supercar is a total Dom, not a timid sub. Think Alexander Skarsgard in “Pillion,” and you get the picture.
DODGE CHARGER
$52,000-$65,000
MPG: 16 city/26 highway
0 to 60 mph: 3.9 seconds
Cargo capacity: 22.75 cu. ft.
PROS: Choice of gas or EV power. Modern tech. Spacious cabin.
CONS: No V8 engine (yet). Soft steering. Less-than-lithe cornering.
Everything old is new again for the Dodge Charger. The automaker initially was phasing out gas-powered models in a shift to electric vehicles but then quickly pivoted back to include gas engines after yo-yo regulatory changes this year from, well, the yo-yos in the White House.
Powerful twin-turbo engines in the R/T and Scat Pack trims produce up to 550 horsepower. These models come standard with all-wheel drive but can be switched to rear-wheel drive for classic muscle-car antics when the mood strikes you.
At the same time, Dodge still offers the electric Charger Daytona, delivering up to 670 horsepower and ferocious straight-line acceleration.
The Charger’s aggressive design, massive digital displays and practical hatchback layout carry over, reinforcing its ability to be both a performance diva and everyday companion. With the larger-than-expected storage space, I appreciated being able to fit a boatload of groceries in the trunk during a Costco run.
New wheel designs, paint choices and trim variations help you visually distinguish between gas and electric Chargers. But no matter the model, each one feels decisive and deliberate on the road. Commuting in stop-and-go traffic during rush hour is fine, but this street machine excels at high-speed cruising on the freeway.
The turbo six-cylinder engine delivers muscular torque with less drama than the old V8s, but still with plenty of urgency. The electric Daytona version is a different kind of thrill, with its instant, silent thrust that feels like it could almost launch you to the moon.
Steering is stable but not exactly crisp, and the Charger’s weight makes it less lithe—and lively—than other muscle cars, especially when navigating tight corners.
But that’s just fine with me. Like Bea Arthur as Dorothy in “The Golden Girls,” this no-nonsense muscle car is proud to be big, bold and brassy.
Real Estate
Top buyer-friendly markets for the LGBTQ community
Home should be a place where you can be fully yourself
Buying or selling a home is one of the most meaningful financial and emotional decisions a person can make. For LGBTQ+ individuals and families, that journey can also come with unique considerations — from finding truly inclusive neighborhoods to working with professionals who understand and respect who you are.
The good news? Across the United States, there are increasingly buyer-friendly housing markets where LGBTQ+ home buyers and sellers can find opportunity, affordability, and community. When paired with the right representation, these markets can offer not only strong financial value, but peace of mind.
For more than 30 years, GayRealEstate.com has been the leading source of LGBTQ+ real estate representation, helping LGBTQ+ buyers and sellers connect with vetted, LGBTQ+ friendly real estate agents who understand the nuances of fair housing, legal protections, and inclusive service.
Below, we explore top buyer-friendly markets for the LGBTQ+ community, along with practical tips to help you navigate the process with confidence.
What Makes a Market Buyer-Friendly?
A buyer-friendly market isn’t just about lower prices — especially for LGBTQ+ home buyers. It often includes:
- Increased housing inventory (more choices, less pressure)
- Slower price growth or stabilized pricing
- Greater negotiating power for buyers
- Established or emerging LGBTQ+ communities
- Local protections and inclusive policies
- Access to LGBTQ+ friendly real estate agents and resources
Markets that combine affordability with inclusivity can be especially attractive for first-time gay home buyers, same-sex couples, and LGBTQ+ families planning for long-term stability.
Top Buyer-Friendly Markets for LGBTQ Home Buyers
1. Austin & San Antonio, Texas
Once known for extreme competition, many Texas metros have shifted into more buyer-friendly territory due to increased inventory.
Why it works for LGBTQ+ buyers:
- Strong LGBTQ+ communities, especially in Austin
- More negotiating leverage than in prior years
- Diverse neighborhoods at varying price points
Tip: Texas does not have statewide LGBTQ+ housing protections, making it especially important to work with an experienced LGBTQ+ friendly realtor through GayRealEstate.com.
2. Columbus & Cincinnati, Ohio
Ohio cities continue to attract buyers looking for value without sacrificing culture or inclusivity.
Why it works:
- Lower median home prices
- Growing LGBTQ+ populations
- Strong healthcare, education, and job markets
These cities are particularly appealing for LGBTQ+ buyers relocating from higher-cost coastal markets.
3. Richmond, Virginia
Richmond has become a standout for LGBTQ+ home ownership thanks to affordability, history, and progressive growth.
Highlights:
- Inclusive local culture
- Buyer-friendly price trends
- Walkable neighborhoods popular with LGBTQ+ professionals
4. Minneapolis–St. Paul, Minnesota
The Twin Cities consistently rank high for LGBTQ+ quality of life and legal protections.
Why LGBTQ+ buyers love it:
- Strong anti-discrimination laws
- Stable home values
- Excellent resources for LGBTQ+ families
Minnesota offers one of the safest environments for LGBTQ+ home buyers and sellers navigating the real estate process.
5. Jacksonville & Tampa Bay, Florida
Florida remains complex for LGBTQ+ buyers, but some metros still offer strong buyer opportunity.
What to know:
- Increased inventory = more negotiating power
- Coastal lifestyle at lower cost than South Florida
- Local LGBTQ+ communities continue to grow
Because statewide protections vary, partnering with a GayRealEstate.com LGBTQ+ friendly real estate agent is essential.
Finding LGBTQ-Friendly Neighborhoods
Not every “affordable” neighborhood is inclusive — and safety, comfort, and belonging matter.
When searching for LGBTQ+ friendly neighborhoods:
- Look for visible LGBTQ+ organizations, events, and businesses
- Research local non-discrimination ordinances
- Ask your agent about lived experiences, not just statistics
- Talk to neighbors and local LGBTQ+ groups
Agents in the Gay Real Estate Network often provide insight that listing data alone cannot.
The Importance of LGBTQ Real Estate Representation
While fair housing laws exist, LGBTQ+ housing discrimination still happens — sometimes subtly, sometimes overtly.
Working with an LGBTQ+ friendly real estate agent helps ensure:
- Respectful communication
- Advocacy during negotiations
- Awareness of legal protections
- A safer, more affirming experience
GayRealEstate.com has spent over three decades building the most trusted network of gay realtors, lesbian real estate agents, and LGBTQ+ friendly real estate professionals nationwide.
Legal Protections Every LGBTQ Buyer and Seller Should Know
Federal protections now include sexual orientation and gender identity under the Fair Housing Act, but enforcement and local laws vary.
Before buying or selling:
- Understand your state and local protections
- Know how to document discriminatory behavior
- Work with professionals who take advocacy seriously
- Use trusted LGBTQ+ real estate resources
GayRealEstate.com agents are experienced in helping clients navigate these realities with confidence.
Tips for LGBTQ Home Buyers & Sellers
- Get pre-approved early to strengthen your buying position
- Interview agents and ask direct questions about LGBTQ+ experience
- Don’t ignore your instincts — comfort matters
- Plan long-term: community, schools, healthcare, and protections
- Use LGBTQ+-specific resources rather than generic searches
Buyer-friendly markets create opportunity — but representation creates security.
Whether you’re a first-time gay home buyer, a same-sex couple relocating, or an LGBTQ+ seller preparing for your next chapter, choosing the right market and the right representation makes all the difference.
For over 30 years, GayRealEstate.com has been the trusted leader in LGBTQ+ real estate, connecting buyers and sellers with professionals who understand the importance of inclusion, advocacy, and respect.
Your home should be more than a place to live — it should be a place where you can be fully yourself.
Scott Helms is president and owner of Gayrealestate.com.
Real Estate
Stress-free lease renewals during winter months
A season when very few tenants typically move
January has a way of waking everyone up. After weeks of holiday noise, travel, family visits, and a general blur of activity, the new year arrives with its usual mix of resolutions, optimism, and responsibility. People start looking at their calendars again. To-do lists reappear. And tucked away in there is something many tenants didn’t give much thought to in December, their lease renewal.
Renewals in winter matter more than most people realize. It is a season when very few tenants typically move. The weather is unpredictable, schedules are tight, and most people are trying to regain their footing after the holidays. Because of this, renewal conversations tend to be more productive and more grounded.
Many landlords think of spring and summer as the heart of leasing season, and while that’s certainly when moves are most common, winter renewals hold their own kind of importance. A well-timed renewal does more than keep a unit occupied. It provides predictability for the year ahead, strengthens relationships, and reduces the costly turnover that smaller landlords want to avoid.
In my experience, tenants who might hesitate during another time of year are often relieved to secure housing before the pressures of spring and summer begin. Uncertainty is one of the prime causes of unnecessary turnover. If tenants don’t hear from their landlord, they often start browsing listings “just in case,” or asking friends about other options. Once that door is opened, it can be hard to close. Initiating the renewal process early helps anchor tenants before doubts start creeping in.
Tenants often make clearer decisions in January than they would in November or December. During the holidays, people are distracted and stretched thin; emails are skimmed, not absorbed; and anything involving planning often gets deferred until “after the new year.” When tenants return home in January, they have a better sense of their plans, their budget, and their needs for the coming months. This makes it a much easier moment to start or restart a renewal conversation.
The practical reality is that most tenants don’t want to move in the winter. Who wants to haul furniture across icy sidewalks or deal with last-minute moving delays due to storms? Beyond the weather, January is a time when people are reorganizing finances, filing paperwork, and settling into routines. The thought of a major transition simply doesn’t fit. Landlords can use this natural reluctance to create a smoother, more collaborative renewal process.
One thing I’ve learned over the years is that clarity is a landlord’s best tool. Tenants don’t need lengthy explanations, legal jargon, or complicated attachments. They simply want to know:
- Are the terms changing?
- If so, how?
- What does their timeline look like?
- Would the landlord consider another set of terms?
A concise, well-laid-out renewal offer does two things. First, it demonstrates transparency, which builds trust. Second, it keeps the conversation focused and productive. When tenants understand exactly what’s being proposed, there is less back-and-forth, fewer misunderstandings, and a quicker path to a signed agreement.
Tenants are more receptive when they feel they’re being treated fairly and openly. If there’s a rent adjustment, a brief explanation helps tenants see the reasoning behind it, such as increased operating costs, significant maintenance completed during their stay or alignment with the market.
Lease renewals are moments of connection. The best landlord-tenant relationships are built over time through small exchanges, transparency, and mutual respect. Renewal season offers an opportunity to reinforce that.
A simple acknowledgement of the tenant’s care for the home or their timely payments can set a positive tone. Even a short note of appreciation signals that you see them not as a lease term, but as a partner in maintaining the property. These gestures cost very little but create a sense of goodwill that carries through maintenance requests, policy reminders, and everyday communication.
Many landlords underestimate how much tenants value being treated as individuals rather than account numbers. A thoughtful, personal touch during the renewal process can make a tenant feel recognizednand more inclined to stay.
Renewals aren’t only about securing another term lease.They’re also a natural moment to check in on the overall health of the property and the tenant’s experience. J anuary provides a quiet space to step back and ask:
• Are there maintenance concerns the tenant hasn’t mentioned yet or that have not been fully resolved?
• Is the property due for upgrades or any preventative work?
• Are there responsibilities or expectations worth revisiting?
These conversations don’t need to be long or formal, but they help prevent the small issues of one year from becoming the larger problems of the next. A tenant who feels heard is more likely to take good care of the home, communicate proactively, and renew again in future years.
While landlords must maintain structure and protect their assets, a bit of flexibility can go a long way during the renewal process. Tenants are often rebalancing budgets after holiday spending. Offering digital signatures, Having brief calls to clarify terms, being flexible, or a few extra days to make a decision can ease stress without compromising the landlord’s position.
Flexibility is about recognizing human realities. Most tenants appreciate being treated with patience and professionalism, and often reward that consideration with prompt decisions and smoother communication. There are many reasons why a full year renewal may not coincide with their plans. Being able to work out mutually agreeable renewal terms makes the solution a win for both parties.
For landlords, especially smaller ones, stability is the foundation of successful property investing. A vacant unit, even briefly, costs more than most people realize. There are marketing expenses, cleaning, repairs, lost rent, and the unpredictable timeline of finding the right new tenant. By contrast, securing a renewal with an existing reliable tenant protects cash flow, reduces risk, and creates predictability in planning.
January renewals, when handled well, deliver this stability right at the beginning of the year. They give landlords a clear roadmap for budgeting, maintenance scheduling, and forecasting. They also give tenants the security of knowing exactly where they stand, which reduces stress on both sides.
A lease renewal may seem like a small moment in the life of a property, but in practice, it shapes the experience of the year ahead. When the process is organized, honest, and respectful, it sets a tone that carries through every interaction until the next renewal date.
January is a time to consider leaning into this approach. The pace is slower, the mindset is clearer, and both landlord and tenant are ready to step into the year with more intention. A renewal handled thoughtfully now paves the way for a smoother, quieter, more predictable twelve months, something every landlord and every tenant can appreciate.
Scott Bloom is owner and senior property manager at Columbia Property Management.
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