Connect with us

Commentary

We need all who support us to speak up with their voices

Married gay fathers fight to save marriage equality

Published

on

Kent and Diego with their children. (Photo courtesy of GLAAD)

When we met 20 years ago, neither of us could have imagined the life we now share.Ā We have been inseparable ever since andĀ are happily ā€” and legally ā€” married, with two exceptional children. Our relationship is rooted in love, respect and commitment and is more resilient because of hard-won gains and painful losses.

LGBTQ couples and our marriages have the support of an overwhelming majority of Americans. Now we are speaking out in a new campaign to encourage all who support us to speak up with their votes. Our families have a lot to lose in this election.

When the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, tossing out rights Americans have had for almost 50 years, we immediately saw the threat. Our rights will likely be the next to go, as laid out in the concurringĀ opinionĀ urging the court to reconsider Obergefell. The U.S. Senate then delayed a vote on codifying marriage equality until after the election. Our rights as a family are in the hands of judges and voters, a reality most couples never have to face.

But our love story is as extraordinary and ordinary as any other. We serendipitously met while sitting one in front of the other at a concert in 2002. We got engaged three years later on Christmas Eve 2005, with a ā€œdown-on-one-kneeā€ proposal, and a scavenger hunt leading to two silver rings hung from a crystal cross tree ornament. We began our shared journey toward becoming a family after popping the question: Would you do me the honor of spending the rest of your life with me? The crystal cross is the final ornament we place on our Christmas tree each year with our children.

We had a quintessential chapel wedding in December 2007. Our parents walked us down the aisle, and our sisters and two best friends stood with us to witness our commitment, surrounded by family and close friends. Our wedding was not yet a legal marriage but it had every element of meaning important to any couple.

In 2011, we expanded our family through adoption. Despite the birth family choosing us as a couple, our state of residence considered us nothing more than roommates. One of us became our sonā€™s legal adoptive parent, while the state relegated the other to the status of ā€œother adult in the household.ā€

The fear and anxiety we faced as a committed couple, living in a state without marriage equality, led us to travel to Washington, D.C., in 2012 to make our marriage legal. After many conversations with each other and family, we decided to relocate to a state with marriage rights in 2014 ā€” a choice we realize not all families can make. We started over with a young child, a new home and employment and no family and friends support system.

We worked with a local attorney to secure legal recognition for the non-adoptive parent, a process that involved legal fees, paperwork, and patience. We also amended our sonā€™s birth certificate to include us both as his parents. In 2015, we expanded our family again when we welcomed our second child, whom we could adopt jointly as a married couple.

We felt secure returning to raise our sons near family in 2015, following the Obergefell rulingIt seems ancient history to think of all the steps we had to take to get the same legal recognition and protections as any other couples and parents. Since Obergefell, families of all shapes and sizes have been increasingly accepted and welcomed in communities.

Still, there is no doubt the court can take marriage rights away and will try. The risk to our family and all LGBTQ+ families is crystal clear and deeply troubling. For us, if the Supreme Court overturns Obergefell, a dormant constitutional amendment banning the legal recognition of same-sex marriage in our current state of residence would immediately invalidate the legal recognition of our marriage.

We got married because we love each other and we want to be there for each other. Our marriage helps protect our kids and us. We never want to worry about one of us not being allowed in a hospital room, being eligible for survivor benefits, or, God forbid, having our kids not seen as part of our family. All families deserve love and protection.

Equality for all families should not be a partisan issue. LGBTQ+ families already have the support of people from all parties. By sharing our story, we want to alert every LGBTQ+ and ally voter to take action to protect our family and our marriage. Itā€™s time for politicians to catch up. 

We urge voters to make a plan, know whether candidates support LGBTQ families, and, most importantly, send a message of acceptance and respect with your vote. Nothing will dissuade us from being a family, devoted to raising two children in an ever-changing world. Hopefully, a world that welcomes, embraces and protects all families.

Kent and Diego have been together for 20 years, married for over a decade, and are raising two beautiful children together. They are featured in an ad produced by GLAAD and Family Equality now running nationwide urging LGBTQ voters to the polls.

Advertisement
FUND LGBTQ JOURNALISM
SIGN UP FOR E-BLAST

Commentary

Celebrating 15th anniversary of Harvey Milk Day

A powerful reminder that one person can make a difference

Published

on

The Harvey Milk Forever Stamp was unveiled at a ceremony in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building on May 22, 2014. (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

Harvey Milkā€™s birthday, May 22, is officially a Day of Special Significance in California. Other states also honor Milk.

Milk was the first openly gay man elected to public office in U.S. history. In 1977, he was elected to a seat on the Board of Supervisors in San Francisco. His term began in January 1978 and ended in November when disgruntled former Supervisor Dan White assassinated Milk and Mayor George Moscone at City Hall.

In his 1982 book ā€œMayor of Castro Street: The Life and Times of Harvey Milk,ā€ Randy Shilts wrote a moving account of San Franciscoā€™s 1978 memorial for Milk. A ā€œmassive crowd stretched the entire distance from City Hall to Castro Street, some 40,000 strong utterly silent,ā€ Shilts wrote. The crowd ā€œostensibly memorialized both George Moscone and Harvey, but few speakers quarreled that the crowd had amassed chiefly to remember the gangly ward politician [Milk] who had once called himself the mayor of Castro Street.ā€

Shilts quoted Board of Supervisors President Dianne Feinstein, at the time acting mayor, telling the mourners that Milk ā€œwas a leader who represented your voices.ā€ Another speaker said Milk ā€œwas to us what Dr. King was to his people. Harvey was a prophet [who] lived by a vision.ā€ Equality was Milkā€™s vision.

Shilts presciently titled the last section in his book ā€œThe Legend Begins.ā€ In 1979, after a jury gave assassin White a light seven-year sentence, LGBT rioters rocked San Francisco in what is called ā€œThe White Night Riots.ā€ During the riots, Shilts wrote that ā€œa lesbian university professor yelled into a feeble bullhorn: ā€˜Harvey Milk lives.ā€™ā€ Since 1978, Harvey Milk’s courageous leadership has been celebrated globally.

Over four years, 2006-2010, San Francisco reminded the country that Milk was a gay man worthy of great honors. The 2008 movie ā€œMilk,ā€ filmed partly in San Francisco, with Sean Penn as Milk, ignited greater public interest in the legendary gay activist. Gay screenwriter Dustin Lance Black and Penn won Academy Awards in 2009.

The film led Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger to sign legislation making Milkā€™s birthday a Day of Special Significance. Also, President Barack Obama awarded Milk with a posthumous Presidential Medal of Freedom. On Milkā€™s 84th birthday, the U.S. Postal Service issued a commemorative Forever stamp in his honor.

Californiaā€™s Harvey Milk Day recognizes Milk for his contributions to the state. It also encourages public schools to conduct ā€œsuitable commemorative exercisesā€ to honor Milk.

ā€œTo me, [Milk] was a man who was a capitalist, and an entrepreneur who happened to be gay,ā€ said Republican Sen. Abel Maldonado, the only Republican to vote for the bill to create Harvey Milk Day.

The newer scholarship about Milk provided additional insight into his activism. ā€œAn Archive of Hope: Harvey Milkā€™s Speeches and Writingsā€ edited by James Edward Black, Charles Morris, and Frank Robinson, published in 2013 by the Univ. of California Press, is an excellent example.

The bookā€™s title is drawn from Milkā€™s 1978 speech called ā€œThe Hope Speech.ā€ He spoke about people [gays, seniors, Black Americans, disabled, Latinos, Asians] ā€œwhoā€™ve lost hope.ā€ He proceeds to talk about inspiring hope in others who are struggling when the ā€œpressures at home are too great.ā€ It is a passionate speech, based largely on Milkā€™s conversations with people in the Castro. In a review of the book for The Gay and Lesbian Review Worldwide, I wrote it is: ā€œAn important contribution to the corpus of work on Harvey Milk as a writer and orator.ā€

Milk believed that it was important for members of the LGBTQIA+ community to come out. If more people were aware of their LGBTQIA+ associates who were their friends, family, and loved ones, then discrimination would end. To Milk, coming out would lead to ensuring LGBTQIA+ civil rights.

In 2007, during Pride in San Francisco I worked at a nonprofit’s booth in Civic Center Plaza. A man stopped to talk. I mostly listened. He was a veterinarian from a small town in Arkansas. He was gay and closeted. He regularly visited San Francisco for Pride. Afterward, he regularly returned to his closeted life in Arkansas. I felt sorry for him. Though I was a stranger to him, he needed to come out to me. I was reminded of Milkā€™s wisdom about the freedom of coming out.    

Harvey Milk Day is for all people who need hope. Milkā€™s life is a lesson that one person can make a difference. A strong, united community inspired by Milk and others has changed and continues to change the world.  

Milkā€™s short political career led to long-term LGBTQIA+ political leadership from the Bay Area to Washington, D.C. to Miami to Seattle. To paraphrase a Woody Guthrie song: This LGBTQIA+ Land is Our Land. Happy Milk Day 2024!

James Patterson is a lifetime member of the American Foreign Service Association.

Continue Reading

Commentary

BookMen DC: Still going strong at 25

Celebrating the longest-running LGBTQ literary group in the area

Published

on

On May 11, 1999, what was originally known as the Potomac Gay Menā€™s Book Group convened for its first meeting. A lot has changed over the ensuing quarter-century, starting with our name. But our identity remains true to the description on our blog: ā€œan informal group of men who are interested in gay literature (both fiction and non-fiction).ā€

Our founder, Bill Malone, worked at the Whitman-Walker Clinic and started the group using donations of remainder books from a wholesaler in New York. Soon after that, members decided to get their own books, and began purchasing them through Lambda Rising, which offered a discount for such orders until it closed in 2010. The group later renamed itself BoysnBooks, and then became BookMen DC in 2007, which is also when we started our blog

Following Billā€™s tenure, Tom Wischer, Greg Farber and Tim Walton (who set up our blog) have served as our facilitators. I succeeded Tim in that role in 2009, and am grateful to him and all my predecessors for laying such a solid foundation for our group. 

Twenty-five years after our founding, we are the longest-running LGBTQ literary group in the DMV. So far, we have discussed nearly 400 books, ranging from classics like Platoā€™s Symposium to graphic novels, gay history and memoirs, and novels by James Baldwin, Michael Cunningham, E.M. Forster and Edmund Whiteā€”to name just a few of the many authors and genres weā€™ve explored.

Currently, we have more than 120 names on our mailing list, of whom about a quarter attend meetings at least occasionally. (Average attendance at our meetings is about 10.) Our members variously consider themselves gay, queer, bisexual, or transgender, and those varying perspectives enhance our discussions. I would be remiss if I didnā€™t acknowledge that, like many LGBTQ organizations, we are not nearly as diverse as I wish we were. Although we do have young members and people of color within our ranks, we are predominantly white and middle-aged or older. We have tried various forms of outreach to further diversify our membership, and will keep working on that.

How has BookMen DC not just survived, but thrived, when so many other book clubs and LGBTQ groups have foundered? I would identify several factors.

First and foremost, we are welcoming. We have no minimum attendance requirements and charge no dues. And we expressly encourage members to join us at meetings even if they havenā€™t finished the selection weā€™re discussing.

We are also collaborative. Each fall, members nominate titles for the next yearā€™s reading list; I then compile those suggestions into a list for members to weigh in on, and the results of that vote determine what we will read. 

Finally, we are flexible and adaptable. Over the years, we have met in locations all over the District. Currently, we meet on the first Wednesday of each month at the Cleveland Park Library (3310 Connecticut Ave. NW) from 6:30-7:30 p.m. to discuss entire books; afterward, those interested go to dinner at a neighborhood restaurant.

When the pandemic struck four years ago, we took a break for a couple of months before moving operations online. (Thank God for Zoom!) Even after the venues where weā€™d been meeting reopened, we have continued to meet virtually on the third Wednesday of each month, from 7-8 p.m. During those Zoom sessions, we discuss sections of anthologies of poetry and short stories, as well as short standalone works (e.g.,  plays and novellas).

If you enjoy LGBTQ literature and would like to try us out, visit our blog: https://bookmendc.blogspot.com/ and click the link to email me. Weā€™d love to meet you!

Steven Alan Honley, a semi-retired musician, editor, and writer, has been a member of BookMen DC since 2000 and its facilitator since 2009.

Continue Reading

Commentary

World ‘isn’t much different today’

The Nazis murdered nearly 1 million Jewish people at Auschwitz

Published

on

The entrance to the Auschwitz I camp in Oświęcim, Poland, on April 7, 2024. (Washington Blade photo by Michael K. Lavers)

OŚWIČØCIM, Poland ā€” Åukasz, a Polish man who was our group’s English-speaking tour guide at Auschwitz, on April 7 asked us while we were standing outside one of Auschwitz I’s barracks why the Nazis systematically murdered more than 6 million Jewish people.

“Once they are gone, Germany will be great again,” he said, referring to the Nazis’s depraved justification.

There were other Americans in our group of about 40 people. I would like to think they are familiar with the dehumanizing MAGA rhetoric to which our country has become accustomed since President Joe Biden’s predecessor announced his White House bid in 2015. The fact that I was at a Nazi concentration camp was simply overwhelming, and I didn’t feel like speaking with them or to anyone else at that moment.

The unspeakable horrors that happened at Auschwitz are on full display. Åukasz’s comment was a stark warning to us all amid the backdrop of the current socio-political realities in which we in the U.S., Europe and elsewhere around the world currently live.

ā€¢ Suitcases, glasses, shoes, kitchen utensils, prosthetic limbs, baskets, Jewish prayer shawls, and toothbrushes that were taken from people upon their arrival at Auschwitz were on display in Auschwitz I’s Block 5. One exhibit also contains children’s clothes.

ā€¢ Auschwitz I’s Blocks 6 and 7 had pictures of male and female prisoners along the corridors. They contained their birthdays, the day they arrived at the camp and when they died. Block 7 also had mattresses and bunk beds on which prisoners slept and the sinks and latrines they used.

ā€¢ The basement of Auschwitz I’s Block 11 had cells in which prisoners were placed in the dark and starved to death. The basement also had cells in which prisoners were forced to stand for long periods of time. Executions took place at the “Death Wall” in the courtyard between Block 10 and 11. Guards also tortured prisoners in this area.

ā€¢ Medical experiments took place in Block 10.

ā€¢ A gas chamber is located near Auschwitz I’s entrance with the gate that reads “Arbeit macht frei” or “Work sets you free.” The adjacent crematorium contains a replica of the furnaces used to burn human bodies.

ā€¢ An urn with human ashes is in Auschwitz I’s Block 4. Hair cut from people who were killed in the gas chamber was also there.

The entrance to the gas chamber at Auschwitz I camp in Oświęcim, Poland, on April 7, 2024. (Washington Blade photo by Michael K. Lavers)

Auschwitz I, a former Polish army barracks, is one of 40 camps and subcamps around Oświęcim, a town that is roughly 30 miles west of KrakĆ³w, Poland’s second-largest city, that became known to the world as Auschwitz. Upwards of 90 percent of the 1.1 million people killed at Auschwitz died at Auschwitz II-Birkenau, which is roughly 1 1/2 miles northwest of Auschwitz I in the village of Brzezinka (Birkenau in German), and more than 90 percent of those murdered upon their arrival were Jewish.

The ruins of two crematoria the Nazis blew up before the Soviets liberated the camp in January 1945 are there. (A group of Israelis were praying in front of them while our group was there.) A train car used to bring people to the camp was also there, along with some of the barracks in which those who were not immediately killed in the gas chambers lived.

Auschwitz II-Birkenau’s sheer size is incomprehensible.

A train car used to transport prisoners to Auschwitz-Birkenau in Brzezinka, Poland, on April 7, 2024. (Washington Blade photo by Michael K. Lavers)

The Nazis killed 6 million Jewish people in the Holocaust. They also murdered gay men, Poles, Roma, Sinti and millions of other people from across Europe.

The day I visited Auschwitz marked six months since Hamas launched its surprise attack against Israel. 

More than 1,400 people ā€” including 260 people who Hamas militants murdered at the Nova music festival in Re’im, a kibbutz that is a few miles from the Gaza Strip ā€” have died in Israel since Oct. 7, 2023. The subsequent war has left more than 30,000 Palestinians in the Hamas-controlled enclave dead, and millions more struggling to survive. Oct. 7 was the deadliest attack against Jewish people since the Holocaust. That unfortunate coincidence of dates ā€” Oct. 7 and April 7 ā€” was not lost on me while I was at Auschwitz. 

Another striking thing is the area in which the camps are located.

The train from KrakĆ³w to Oświęcim passes through idyllic countryside with green meadows, flowering trees and freshly tilled fields. Purple lilacs ā€” like those that bloom each spring on the trees in my mother’s backyard in New Hampshire ā€” were in full bloom inside Auschwitz I. Grass and dandelions were growing amid the remains of Auschwitz II-Birkenau’s barracks. Birds were chirping. The weather was also unseasonably warm with temperatures well over 80 degrees and a cloudless sky.

All of it was beyond surreal.

Auschwitz II-Birkenau on april 7, 2024. (washington blade video by michael k. lavers)

I visited Auschwitz while on assignment for the Washington Blade in Poland. I interviewed gay Deputy Polish Justice MinisterĀ Krzysztof ŚmiszekĀ in Warsaw and sat down with activists in the Polish capital and KrakĆ³w to talk about the country’s new government and the continued plight of LGBTQ refugees from Ukraine and other countries. My trip began in Budapest, Hungary, and ended in Berlin. I did not write this piece until I on my flight back to D.C. on Tuesday because I could not properly articulate my thoughts about what I saw at Auschwitz.

Auschwitz II-Birkenau in Brzezinka, Poland, on April 7, 2024. (Washington Blade photo by Michael K. Lavers)

Governments, politicians, political candidates, and parties in the U.S. and around the world have used specific groups of people to advance a particular agenda, to blame them for what is wrong in their particular country and/or to deflect blame from their own failures. The Nazis and what they did to Jewish people and anyone else they deemed inferior is the most grotesque example of what can happen if such actions are not stopped.

Łukasz told us outside of one of the Auschwitz II-Birkenau barracks at the end of our tour that the world “isn’t that much different today.” He also said that we are “witnesses.”

“It’s up to you how you react to it,” said Åukasz.

Let’s hope we all do our part to make sure the atrocities that happened at Auschwitz never happen again.

Continue Reading
Advertisement
Advertisement

Sign Up for Weekly E-Blast

Follow Us @washblade

Advertisement

Popular