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Faith of our fathers

40-year-old gay Catholic group defies Vatican yet seeks communion

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crucifix, Christian, gay news, Washington Blade
crucifix, Christian, gay news, Washington Blade

19th Century Cristo Crucificado. (Photo courtesy of Griffin Trading)

All the mainline Christian denominations by now have gay subgroups that have formed and many in the U.S. — Episcopalians, United Methodists and others — can point to huge strides they’ve made over the last several decades in persuading their hierarchies to acknowledge their presence.

Dignity/Washington, the largest chapter of the LGBT Roman Catholic group DignityUSA, has made so little progress making Vatican teaching less gay-condemning, the group, in many ways, has moved on to other goals it considers more realistic and achievable. The lone victories its members can count on that front are being invited indoors for a 1978 rainstorm during a weekend-long prayer vigil they held at the National Conference of Catholic Bishops at its former headquarters on Massachusetts Avenue (it didn’t foster a long-term dialogue) and a wave from current Pope Benedict XVI (Joseph Ratzinger) in the summer of 2010 (accompanying soon-to-be Cardinal Donald Wuerl did not follow suit).

If anything, the Vatican has become more anti-gay over the years. Though several regional parishes had long allowed Dignity groups to meet on their property, in 1986 Ratzinger, writing as the Vatican’s official keeper of church morality, issued a letter stating that gays and lesbians are “intrinsically disordered” and that gay organizations were no longer allowed the use of church property. It’s only gotten worse in recent years — in January, Pope Benedict condemned same-sex marriage efforts and called gay marriage, in an ironic choice of words, a threat “to human dignity and the future of humanity itself … pride of place goes to the family based on the marriage of a man and woman.”

And it wasn’t just talk — the Roman Catholic Church gave $2 million this year to unsuccessful efforts to outlaw same-sex marriage with November’s ballot initiatives in Maine, Maryland, Minnesota and Washington state, according to the Human Rights Campaign. As pro-LGBT efforts of any kind have taken root elsewhere, the Vatican has increasingly dug in its heels. Official church teaching is that although gays should “be accepted with respect, compassion and sensitivity,” “homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered” and “sexual activity only exists for the purpose of procreation.”

DignityUSA, however, has persevered. The Washington chapter, formed in the fall of 1972 (three years after the national group) and one of 45 active U.S. chapters, has its 40th anniversary events (“Forty and Fabulous on the First”) this weekend. On Saturday evening, a reception and dinner will be held at Clyde’s Restaurant (707 7th St., N.W.) with gay actor/singer Will Gartshore providing entertainment. On Sunday, Sr. Jeannine Gramick (Sisters of Loretto) will give the homily at a special “anniversary Mass.” The group meets weekly for a 6 p.m. Mass at St. Margaret’s Church, an Episcopal parish at 1820 Connecticut Ave., N.W. Details are at dignitywashington.org.

The sheer numbers are daunting. The Roman Catholic Church is the world’s largest Christian church with more than a billion members worldwide. It claims it is the one true church founded by Jesus Christ, that its bishops are the successors of Christ’s apostles and Pope Benedict is the successor to the biblical figure Peter. Though there was no recognized papacy until later centuries, Rome has named an unbroken line of bishops that dates to Peter and the first century. The Archdiocese of Washington did not respond to a request for comment for this article. Dignity/Washington members say relations with it are prickly at best.

“There’s no sense that the local archdiocese has evolved at all,” says Tom Bower, a gay member for almost the whole time the D.C. group has existed, a board member for eight years and co-chair for the anniversary committee. “They absolutely find us quite beyond the pale.”

DignityUSA, a U.S. group as its name implies (similar but unaffiliated gay Catholic groups exist in other countries), has about 6,000 dues-paying members, according to Executive Director Marianne Duddy-Burke, a lesbian, and an operating budget at the national level of about $550,000 though the chapters have their own budgets.

It’s a big weekend for the organization — the Boston chapter is also celebrating its 40th anniversary. San Diego, Chicago and New York also formed chapters in 1972. Dignity/Washington started with a group of about 20 at its first Mass. It moved from twice-monthly to weekly Mass in 1976. Membership and Mass attendance peaked at about 500 and 350 respectively in the late ‘80s. By late 1990, it had become the largest Dignity chapter in the U.S., a feat it maintains to this day, though membership is now about 200 with an average of 90-100 believers attending weekly Dignity Mass in D.C.

It owns its own building in Eastern Market that houses offices and provides space to other LGBT organizations such as Brother Help Thyself and Imperial Court. As with most Dignity chapters, Dignity/Washington prefers to let other churches host its services rather than build its own sanctuary.

“Most of our chapters are kind of hand to mouth,” Duddy-Burke says. “We pay our rent and our basic expenses, we have the weekly bulletins and we underwrite memberships for low-income people and most of our chapters give back to their own communities in some way. … Our model really isn’t based on the institutional model. We focus on the church as more of a community than a building.”

Despite the daunting odds, the group is celebrating. Bower says the group’s mere survival is a reason to be ecstatic.

“The official church would very much like us to disappear,” he says. “We show that you can be gay and Catholic at the same time and happily so and despite the major efforts of a much bigger organization to throw us out. We’re part of a national organization and when the Pope comes out against something gay, we’re able to say, ‘No, that’s wrong.’”

Bob Miailovich, a member for 35 years — someone left a Dignity brochure on his car while he was in a gay bar — agrees.

“This small group of gay men got together back in the early ‘70s — who would have ever envisioned this thing being as big as it is and the ongoing evolution of this group. I mean we’re a small group of sort of churchy guys, but it’s really opened up and I think we’re more broadly attuned to the world at this time and to what faith is all about.”

Despite the political and spiritual cold shoulder, DignityUSA wants to be recognized by the Holy See, the Roman Catholic Church’s central governing body. It’s a key component to the organization’s mission. While many LGBT Christian groups, Catholic and otherwise, have started their own denominations with no interest whatsoever in swaying the Vatican, Dignity, at its very core, feels that it’s important to stay within the church and fight as much as possible. Though many gay Christians cannot fathom wanting anything to do with the Roman Catholic Church after centuries of anti-gay teaching, Dignity members say it’s essential.

“People think, ‘Oh, why do you keep banging your head against the wall?’” Bower says. “That’s why we call it faith. It’s a belief that there is within the larger view of what it means to be Catholic, there’s something there that you just don’t have with other groups.”

Miailovich says despite the anti-gay teachings, he still “find(s) more truth in the Catholic Church than I do in other religions. It’s not perfect and I don’t buy everything at the end of the day but from what I know of other religions and what they teach and believe, I find more truth on the Catholic side than elsewhere else.”

As one might expect considering its size, millions have left the Catholic Church for all kinds of reasons and to varying degrees. Hard though it may be for LGBT people to fathom, there are even strains of Catholicism that have broken off from Rome because they feel the Vatican has gotten too liberal.

The most notorious is the Mexico City-based New Jerusalem, a gated community of about 3,000 that was founded in 1973 as a reaction to the Second Vatican Council of 1962-1965, a hugely influential change in Church teaching that allowed Masses to be said in languages besides Latin among many other things. Several “Traditionalist Catholic” splinter groups also revolted against Vatican II reform, but New Jerusalem is widely regarded as the most extreme — TV, radios, alcohol, makeup and pants for women are forbidden. Residents attend church three times daily, don’t recognize any post-Vatican II Roman church leaders and think Benedict is the anti-Christ. Fundamentalist splinter groups occur in other religions as well — the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints received massive media attention in recent years when its leader was convicted of two felony counts of child sexual assault.

Other groups have broken away on the opposite side of the theological spectrum. The North American Old Catholic Church considers itself a “2,000-year-old church with Apostolic succession” and teaches the “full inclusion of LGBT persons in our religious life, sacraments and clergy.” It also advocates for “the full inclusion of LGBT persons throughout society.” Two gay-welcoming Old Catholic churches were launched in Washington — one in 2011 and another this year— but appear to be inactive. Neither Presiding Bishop Rev. Michael Seneco, who’s gay, nor Rev. Kerolos Saleib of Saint Damien of Molokai Parish responded to multiple requests for comment or had recently updated websites. The churches that hosted them say they’re no longer meeting there. Salieb held a series of Masses at National City Christian Church during the International AIDS Conference this summer but fled the country soon after under mysterious circumstances. Duddy-Burke says many similar groups have come and gone over the years.

Denomination hopping between Episcopalians and Catholics, perhaps the two most stylistically similar denominations in the U.S., has been going on for all kinds of reasons for decades. Many progressive believers left the Catholic Church to find more gay- and women-friendly theology among Episcopalians, the Anglican Church in the U.S. The Catholic Church in recent years has started welcoming a spate of disenfranchised former Episcopalians who left disappointed that the church had become more gay-friendly. Others Episcopalians still, as has been widely reported, left their U.S. dioceses to align with more conservative Anglicans in other countries.

Dignity Washington, gay news, Washington Blade, Catholic Archdiocese of Washington

Dignity/Washington members in 1991. (Washington Blade file photo by Doug Hinckle)

Bower says for him, converting to the Episcopal faith is not feasible.

“There are some basic theological differences between Catholicism and Episcopalianism,” he says. “Even in something as basic as Communion and the notion of transubstantiation. We really believe there is a change in the body and blood. They see it more as a memorial. And there’s a whole historical precedent of difference between the Roman and English churches.”

Others are pushing as far as they can under Vatican leadership and not just on LGBT issues. A lengthy article in the current edition of Rolling Stone magazine tells the stories of Sister Simone Campbell, Sister Margaret Farley and others who are “refusing to back down from the Catholic Church itself up to and including the Pope. On issues ranging from gay rights to abortion, the nuns are either openly contradicting church dogma or quietly undermining it with their silence, choosing instead to embrace a radical notion of missionary work that wouldn’t be out of place at an Occupy Wall Street rally: income inequality, universal health care, corporate responsibility, immigration reform,” and elsewhere reproductive rights. A group called Roman Catholic Womenpriests includes former nuns, ordains women as priests and holds women-led Masses.

Campbell, who didn’t immediately respond to a Blade interview request, told Rolling Stone, the same anti-LGBT beliefs are equally as harmful to women in the exclusively male-led Vatican.

“You’ve got to realize that any crowd that took 350 years to figure out Galileo might be right is not noted for rapid change,” she told Rolling Stone. “This is about a cultural clash between monarchy, in which the monarch is always right, and democracy where everybody has equal dignity, responsibility and opportunity, women and men. The whole idea that we live in a pluralistic society is news to these guys.”

The combined effect of all this shifting is a diminished Vatican hurt by a range of factors, from those turned off by its increasingly right-leaning teachings to millions lost and incalculable damage incurred by the clergy abuse scandals of recent years. Benedict, at times, has seemed almost cavalier about the loss, advocating for a “smaller, purer” church and saying that a church that seeks “above all to be attractive is already on the wrong path.”

Regardless of one’s political or religious views, the numbers are surprising — a third of those reared Catholic in the U.S. leave the church and, according to a Pew Research Study, 10 percent of all Americans are former Catholics. The losses have been partially offset by the disproportionately high number of immigrants who are Catholic.

Gramick, in a lengthy phone interview this week from her home in Mt. Ranier, Md., says the Roman Catholic “institution is unraveling.” Gramick, who declines to give her sexual orientation, was present at the first meeting to form Dignity/Washington in the cafeteria of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception with five others in 1971. She later formed New Ways Ministry, which she calls “a peace and justice center focused solely on the issue of lesbian and gay rights.”

Of the Church’s continual anti-gay teaching, she says it’s “causing a lot of dissonance and alienation among the Catholic community and a lot of Catholics out there in the pews, they’re no longer in the pews. Mass attendance has decreased dramatically in the last 20-30 years and actually what I think we’re seeing is the beginning of the dissolution of the institutional church. The institution is unraveling but the faith of the people is continuing and growing.”

Is it conceivable to imagine a post-Vatican world in another generation or two?

“If you’re talking erasure, I don’t think I’d go that far, but it’s unraveling certainly … it’s getting increasingly frayed and not only at the edges. It’s really closer to the center and it’s coming apart at the seams.”

Dignity Catholics don’t want that. At the most basic level, they believe the Vatican is simply wrong on the traditional view of Christian teaching and homosexuality, though opinions vary as to the reasons.

“We say basically go back and look at the theological arguments presented and they’re false,” Bower says. “We’re not picking and choosing which teachings to abide by. This is what you get when you look at the gospels. There really are no statements about LGBT people the way we think of it today. The type of homosexuality they were referring to was basically idol worship and temple prostitution.”

Having worked on these issues for decades, Gramick says the Vatican’s gay and lesbian theology is “not really based on the Bible.”

“It’s really more based on philosophy and natural law that uses scriptural quotes as backup,” she says. “It doesn’t really use scripture as the basis for its objection. They say homosexuality is unnatural without any acknowledgement that nature changes. What you see with the Vatican is an unwillingness to acknowledge change. If you have a 13th century mind, you would understand their position but with a 21st century mind and the science we’ve discovered, the human person is not what the Vatican thinks a person is. … Psychology has come so far since then. They didn’t know anything about Freud. When they come out with these views of it being a disorder, this is just not an enlightened view of psychology.”

Gramick’s iconoclastic work has not gone unnoticed — she says in the last 11 years, her religious community has received nine letters from the Vatican advising her superiors to have her dismissed from the Sisters of Loretto. The three presidents in that time have backed her, though the Church does play hardball — last month Rev. Roy Bourgeois was “canonically dismissed” for ordaining a woman at a Unitarian church in Kentucky in 2008.

Duddy-Burke says the decades of Vatican opposition have brought both a change of approach from DignityUSA and unexpected advantages.

“I think we’ve actually moved from trying to get acceptance from the Vatican to really leading the rest of the Church into being a more just Church,” she says. “I think we sort of feel like our job now is to hold our leadership accountable for the damage they’ve done and at the same time model a better way of living out the Gospel.”

She says slowly this approach has “caused people to see that the Church not only belongs to the Bishop and the Vatican. All of us who are baptized Catholics own the Church as well as the rites that are part of it. … If people ever caught on it would be like, ‘Wow, you’re governing it, you’re saying who preaches and presides, you decide if you want to use the new Roman Missel or not.’ Because we’ve been so excluded, we’ve had this opportunity to create the Church that we deserve and it’s an opportunity that a lot of Catholics haven’t had.”

Despite the Vatican’s refusal to bend, there’s growing evidence, both anecdotally and in serious research, that its official teachings are out of step with the majority of its laity — a summer poll conducted by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life found that 58 percent of Catholics favor same-sex marriage with 33 percent opposed. On matters as far-ranging as whether an unexcused absence from weekly Mass warrants a mortal sin to use of contraception, U.S. Catholics and many of their counterparts in other countries have long been a body of believers who haven’t felt they had to adhere to all church doctrine to stay in the church. Many parishes and clergy — even some who perform Dignity Masses — are quietly gay welcoming. They keep it low key to avoid interference from church leaders, but can sometimes be more welcoming than many would realize. So much so, in some cases, that it’s eaten into Dignity’s roster.

That’s partially why Dignity members say they don’t want to leave the church.

“The church really is the people of God,” Miailovich says. “It’s a horizontal assembly, not some vertical thing where you have the Pope at the top and an triangle going down with everyone else. Out there in the pews, there’s a great deal of support for a more progressive agenda, for women’s ordination, for married priests, you have the nuns on the bus for social justice. Everybody in the church does not believe 100 percent of everything that may be promulgated from on high.”

He also says there’s an “attitude that it’s my church and you can’t take it away from me.”

“I can’t leave what is mine and that leaves you with a sense that some day, somehow, change will be made. You’re right, there are people who’ve said, ‘Why spend a lifetime working with these people, let’s go start our own thing and not worry about what’s left behind.’ But I’m not going to change. This is who I am. This is how I pray and how I worship and here I am. We pray for our church leaders because we feel they need enlightenment.”

Bower agrees.

“We’ve found a peace and reconciliation within ourselves,” he says. “It’s more like a ‘We think we’re right and we’re here if you ever want to talk’-kind of thing. There’s less time today spent trying to articulate and debate all these issues because there’s really nobody to talk to on the other side.”

Despite, the ongoing dissent, Gramick says the occasion is a celebration.

“They’ve had a marvelous ministry here for 40 years ministering to local LGBT Catholics,” she says. “It’s really a time to rejoice.”

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Movies

Nick Kroll and Andrew Rannells want to adopt baby in ‘I Don’t Understand You’

Film premiered at SXSW in Austin

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(Courtesy photo)

Editor’s note: Jack Morningstar attended SXSW in Austin, Texas.

“I Don’t Understand You” focuses on a couple whose romantic Italian getaway devolves into bloody chaos while they prepare to adopt their first child. 

The film, while veering into hilariously gruesome hijinks, tells the story of a gay couple who is willing to kill for a chance at fatherhood. It sheds light on the hurdles that same-sex couples often go through in the adoption process: Financial burdens, time constraints, fraud, and in this case, a rural Italian family.

The film premiered last weekend at SXSW in Austin and stars Nick Kroll and Andrew Rannells along with Nunzia Schiano, Morgan Spector and Eleonora Romandini. It was written and directed by Brian Crano and David Craig, who are married. They sourced inspiration from their own adoption struggles and an Italian vacay gone wrong. 

“We were about to leave for Italy when we found out that we had matched with a birth mother and our son would be born in about six weeks,” said Crano. 

According to Craig, the trip was tense and it culminated in their car getting stuck in a ditch on their way to an anniversary dinner.

“We ended up at an old lady’s house after she rescued us in her Fiat. Her family cooked us a meal and we stayed up drinking with them until 3 a.m., not understanding a word they were saying,” he said.

Without spoiling anything, the couple in the movie go to absurd lengths to ensure that their adoption goes through. Craig explained that the theme of the movie was “what would you do for your kid.” 

“We were three years into our own journey at the time and realized we would literally do anything to make that dream a reality. It’s really a love letter to our son,” he said.

The film is hard to relegate to a single genre. 

“When conceiving the story, we saw it as different parts — romantic comedy, horror movie, murder play — but I think by bringing in Nick and Andrew that blend actually became much more of an organic mix where the comedy sustained throughout. They elevated it in a more elegant fashion,” said Craig. 

“I Don’t Understand You”was produced by Pinky Promise, a women-led production company with the mission to elevate diverse voices in their storytelling. Kara Durrett, Pinky Promise’s current president was a champion of this script from the beginning. Founder Jessamine Burgum recounts that when Durrett was onboarding, she said “If you don’t get [“I Don’t Understand You”] I don’t know if this is going to work.” 

It ultimately became one of the first projects Burgum and Durrett collaborated on. 

Kroll and Rannells’ chemistry carried the film. 

“There was a desire to work with each of them because they had both separately been in such amazing comedian teams — like Andrew with Josh Gad and Nick with John Mulaney. Nick and Andrew’s characters are in almost every scene of the movie together, so they needed to be adept to basically doing a shared performance. There was no one more well-positioned to do this as naturally as possible,” said Crano. 

Their characters are easy to root for, yet also deeply flawed. 

“A big thing we wanted to do with this movie, and with all of our work in telling stories, is avoid telling a cliched gay trauma film. We’ve never ascribed to the idea that there is a subcategory to film that is LGBTQ, rather — movies are for everyone. We want to make a movie where gay characters are flawed, not for being gay, but because of who they are. They can be villains, but they are our protagonists,” said Craig. 

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Out & About

Celebrate spring with these D.C.-area events

Galas, Cherry Weekend, Pride, and more on tap

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The annual Pride on the Pier with fireworks show is set for Saturday, June. 8 at the Wharf. (Photo courtesy of The Wharf DC)

Temperatures outside are starting to rise and the sun is shining again. Here’s a list of upcoming D.C. events that can make enjoying the good weather even that much more thrilling.

Cherry Weekend Washington begins on Thursday, April 4. The Cherry weekend is a spectacular and joyous event held over four days featuring 16 world renowned DJs, nine different events and four fun daytime parties.

3rd Friday Night Open Mic will take place on Thursday, March 15 at 9 p.m. at the Bus Boys and Poets location in Brookland. This event will be hosted by Mariah Barber (they/she), a queer storyteller, consultant, spoken word artist, and activist who has been creating social justice-oriented art for the last 15 years. Tickets start at $5 and can be purchased on Eventbrite

RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 15 winner Sasha Colby will bring her Sasha Colby: Stripped Tour to the Howard Theatre on Wednesday, March 27 at 6:30 p.m. Tickets are $75 and can be purchased on the Howard Theatre’s website

Decades DC returns with Throwback Thursdays on Thursday, March 14 at 10 p.m. This event will have an open air rooftop and the first drink is on the house. Entry is free until midnight and more details are available on Eventbrite

Skin and Wellness Center will host Equinox Celebration on Tuesday, March 19 at 7 p.m. at 929 W. Broad St. This event will involve movement, breath work, meditation and community connection to celebrate the spring equinox and embrace energies of rebirth, fertility, creativity, balance, and expansive growth for mind, body, and spirit. Tickets cost $28.52 and can be purchased on Eventbrite

Models Inc. will host The Front Row! Fashion Show on Saturday, March 30 at 7 p.m. at the Silver Spring Black Box Theatre. This is the ultimate destination for designers seeking to showcase their talent and brand. This exclusive event provides a platform to promote artistry and visions, featuring various artists, creatives, fashion enthusiasts, models, stylists, and visionaries. Tickets start at $35 and can be purchased on Eventbrite

Spring Bling Adult Prom will be on Friday, April 26 at 8 p.m. at Graces Event Center. Guests are encouraged to wear their favorite spring colors and show up for a night of dancing, food and fun.Tickets cost $92.55 and can be purchased on Eventbrite.

TSR Productions will host Spring Salsa Bash on Saturday, March 23 at 8 p.m. at The Salsa Room Tysons. This event will feature Hermanos Galvan and Orquesta live in concert playing the best salsa, bachata, and merengue. There will also be top DJs playing the best in Latin trap, urbana, reggaetton. Tickets start at $25 and can be purchased on Eventbrite

We Will Survive Cancer will host Spring Fling Cocktail & Dance Party on Saturday, April 20 at 7:30 p.m. at Whino. This event will be hosted by DJ Steve. Tickets cost $25 and all proceeds are donated to cancer patients. More details are on Eventbrite.

Chase Brexton Health Care hosts its 2024 Gala at the Baltimore Museum of Art, with the theme centered around the NEW Roaring ‘20s on Saturday, March 30. Details at chasebrexton.org

CAMP Rehoboth’s annual Women’s FEST is scheduled for April 25-28. Lea DeLaria will headline with Crys Matthews opening. Visit camprehoboth.org for details.

Trans Pride Washington, D.C. is scheduled for Saturday, May 18. The full day of conference activities will take place at the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial Library. Visit transpridewashingtondc.org for details.

The Blade’s 17th annual Summer Kickoff Party in Rehoboth Beach is scheduled for Friday, May 17; details to be announced soon.

D.C.’s 49th annual Pride celebration kicks off May 31-June 9, culminating with the parade and festival. Visit capitalpride.org for details. The annual Pride on the Pier with fireworks celebration is slated for Saturday, June 8, 2-9 p.m. at the Wharf. Visit prideonthepierdc.com for details.

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Travel

Gay hotel company brings luxury to Puerto Vallarta

Tryst Puerto Vallarta to open this spring

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Tryst Puerto Vallarta (Photo courtesy of Tristan Schukraft)

The Tryst Puerto Vallarta begins welcoming discerning gay guests this spring, just in time for the Mexican resort city’s Pride celebrations. 

The 55-room resort includes a penthouse suite featuring two terraces, three large suites with expansive living areas and terraces and several junior suites with unique features. A highly anticipated rooftop pool with a bar area and restaurant offering fine Mexican cuisine are just some of the highlights. 

“You can stay here and never leave the resort,” said Tristan Schukraft, the driving force behind Tryst Hotels, and self-described CEO of “everything gay.”

While he started out in his career working in the early days of electronic ticketing, Schukraft may be more known for his work with MISTR, a popular online source for PrEP. He also recently entered into an agreement to purchase the Abbey in West Hollywood, Calif.

With Tryst he promises “it’s a fun, exciting atmosphere.” 

“The idea is not just the guests are coming to the resort, but locals,” said Schukraft. “So, when you stay here it’s the way to mingle with the local gay community.”

To welcome and include both guests and locals, the resort will host drag brunches in the hotel restaurant. Weekend parties featuring DJs on the eighth floor pool and bar area also seeks to make this not just a place to stay, but one to celebrate with the community.

Schukraft hopes visitors will get to know guests or locals poolside, or in the restaurant, and make lifelong friendships. 

Or perhaps find a bit of romance: After all the hotel is set in the famed Zona Romántica.  

“Tryst Hotels are not merely luxury destinations; they are a celebration of gay culture, where every guest is embraced,” said Schukraft. “Our mission is to create spaces where luxury and identity flourish without compromise.”

Tryst Hotels CEO Tristan Schukraft. (Photo courtesy of Tristan Schukraft)

The D.C. Travel and Adventure Show took place last month in D.C., and LGBTQ-specific travel was among the topics the convention highlighted. The Washington Blade in its preview of the expo noted LGBTQ travelers may book a resort or vacation that promises “everyone is welcome,” but upon arrival feel uncomfortable by reactions of staff or other guests due to expressing their identity as queer people. 

Schukraft has experienced this. 

“I was at a hetero-friendly hotel Miami, but it was also marketed to gay men,” he explained. “So, you have two guys kissing at the pool and you have a straight couple looking over and wondering are they staying at a gay hotel. It’s sort of an awkward occurrence.” 

Everyone, therefore, is welcome at Tryst resorts, but it is not being marketed outside of the community. 

“My boyfriends and I have even experienced side-eye glances for our choice of swimwear,” Schukraft said. “You won’t find that at Tryst Hotels.”

Speaking of attire: Many luxury guesthouses, inns and hotels catering to gay men offer clothing-optional zones for guests. It’s an allure for some travelers. 

But, not at Tryst.

“Don’t get me wrong, clothing optional resorts are fun, but that’s not our concept. Our concept is a luxurious, inclusive resort,” Schukraft said with a touch of elan apropos for the “CEO of everything gay.” “Of course wear your thongs [and] Speedos.”

Tryst Puerto Vallarta and Tryst San Juan in Puerto Rico, which is slated to open in 2025, are being marketed as gay-owned, gay-focused resorts with luxurious offerings and amenities. Many resorts known to epitomize luxury may be seen as slightly conservative or “stuffy.” 

Luxury promises not to come only in the form of superior bedding, bathrobes, slippers and skincare products, but also in the stunning interiors. 

The Puerto Vallarta property engaged the same studio known for their acclaimed work at the Four Seasons Tamarindo. Designers from Estudio Esterlina bring a refined mix of minimalism, modernism and Mexican. 

“Why can’t you have fun and luxury in the same space? Here, you let your hair down by the pool, enjoy a pool party, a fine Mexican meal in our full-service restaurant, a drag brunch on weekends and socialize with new friends all while feeling safe,” Schukraft said. “Our goal is to show luxury doesn’t have to mean stuffy.”

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