Living
Gay Hill staffer remembered for humor, dedication
Crowe, 29, succumbed to staph infection
Christopher Crowe (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)
The booming voice of Katy Perry accompanying a techno-dance beat of her song “Firework” jolted Kyle Murphy from sleep a couple months ago at 3 a.m.
Curious about the disturbance, Murphy arose from bed to find his best friend and roommate Christopher Crowe dancing on top of their kitchen island.
“I didn’t know what was going on,” Murphy said. “He had brought some friends home and the first thing I saw was him standing on the island in our kitchen dancing to Katy Perry. He was kind of the life of the party.”
For Murphy, who had known Crowe for more than five years since they interned together at the Gay & Lesbian Victory Fund, the memory represents Crowe’s over-the-top personality and willingness to go to great lengths to entertain others.
“Somebody had collected some quotes he used to say in his office, and one of them was ‘I say ‘no’ to drugs, and that’s it,'” Murphy said. “And that kind of, I felt like, summed up his personality.”
Crowe died last week at the Washington Hospital Center from a staph infection that damaged his heart after he contracted meningitis last summer.
Crowe, 29, who was gay, served as president of the LGBT Congressional Staff Association and as a staffer for Rep. Eddie Bernice Johnson (D-Texas). The death of the Kentucky native struck many Capitol Hill staffers and LGBT advocates with grief and prompted fond recollections of his life this week.
Johnson issued a statement expressing sorrow over the loss of her longtime staffer and sympathy for his family and loved ones.
“He was respected by his colleagues for his professionalism; he was beloved by many for his generous spirit and good humor,” Johnson said. “He was a person who enjoyed life and always had a smile to share. He never met a stranger.”
Many friends who worked with him on Capitol Hill and in LGBT advocacy had similar recollections of Crowe’s outgoing personality, which they said enabled him to make fast friends.
Marcus Paulsen, who’s gay and an administrative coordinator for the nonprofit group Community Wealth Ventures, said Crowe had a unique way of making others feel at ease.
“He was always laughing, and it didn’t matter if you told the dumbest joke,” Paulsen said. “He always would find it funny and could find something hysterical about it.”
A Dallas native, Paulsen said Crowe helped him obtain a position as an intern, and later a staffer, in Johnson’s office, where the two worked together for a year-and-a-half.
Paulsen recalled a time in December 2009 when he and Crowe participated in a retreat for staffers in Johnson’s office in Texas. Identifying the experience as one of his fondest memories of Crowe, Paulsen said people he knew from his home state easily made friends with Crowe.
“For me, it was kind of two worlds coming together: my D.C. life and my Texas life,” Paulsen said. “I wasn’t really sure how people would react to some of my D.C. friends and Chris, but he just had this way of becoming really close with people and everybody just absolutely adored him.”
Jason Mida, the Victory Fund’s vice president of development, knew Crowe from his days as an intern at the organization in 2005 and said Crowe had a unique way of drawing others to him.
“It didn’t matter who you were, it didn’t matter what your political affiliation was,” said Mida, who’s gay. “People were drawn to Chris. He was a ball of life and people wanted to be around him because you just felt better. You felt better about yourself; you felt better about things in general when he was around.”
Scott Simpson, press secretary of the Leadership Conference on Civil and Human Rights, knew Crowe from working together on the LGBT Congressional Staff Association and said he admired the confidence that gave Crowe the ability to speak with anyone.
“He had an ease about dealing with any range of people,” Simpson said. “Chris wouldn’t think twice about calling up the highest-level person in an agency or to the lowest-level person.”
Simpson said Crowe’s care for others enabled him to stay engaged with friends even as he struggled with meningitis for several months.
“This was a man who was in the emergency room,” Simpson said. “He was sending e-mails, text messages, asking how things are going, asking if he can help. If you didn’t know that Chris was sick, if you weren’t informed about it, people never knew.”
While always eager to have a good time with others, Crowe was also known among his friends as a passionate worker in both legislative affairs and LGBT advocacy.
Murphy, a communications specialist for the National Minority AIDS Council, recalled that Crowe’s dedication enabled him to rise quickly to become a high-level staffer for Johnson and to get elected as president of LGBT Congressional Staff Association.
“Everything that I heard about him was that he was amazing — not the greatest writer — but he had dyslexia, but he worked through that very well and didn’t let anything hold him back,” Murphy said.
Simpson recalled his days as president of the LGBT Congressional Staff Association before he left Capitol Hill when Crowe served as his deputy. The two worked on recreating the association after it had long been dormant.
Even though their work in recreating the association involved activity on rewriting bylaws and other less-than-exciting tasks, Crowe found ways to make the work enjoyable.
“Chris made people come to these meetings and actually enjoy themselves and actually laugh,” Simpson said. “He understood that in order to commit people to make change, they had to have a good time and that, I believe, was his secret weapon.”
As evidence of Crowe’s jovial personality, Simpson noted that Crowe would only refer to him as “Girl!” during the course of their work together. Simpson joked that he didn’t know if Crowe actually knew his name.
In his days as a Victory Fund intern, Mida said Crowe was dedicated and passionate about LGBT advocacy. He took a personal interest in working to elect Vivian Paige, a lesbian who ran in 2005 for city treasurer in Norfolk, Va.
“I remember how visibly upset he was when Vivian lost that night,” Mida said. “We’d only been there a few days, but he was so invested. I think that across the board —whether it was his work and whether it was relationships with folks — he immediately became invested in folks, and as a result, people were invested in him.”
Among the activities that friends cited as Crowe’s favorite was travel. In his work on foreign affairs issues for Johnson, Crowe would often take opportunities to go abroad as part of his work as a congressional staffer.
Murphy recalled that Crowe traveled to Dubai and Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates as part of his work for Johnson, which Murphy said gave Crowe “a travel bug.”
Among the trips that Murphy took with Crowe was an expedition with him and his mother on a Key West cruise in 2009.
“We were both redheads and so we just kind of looked like brothers, so we just starting telling everybody that we were brothers from that cruise ship on — and I referred to his mom as ‘Mama,'” Murphy said.
Murphy recalled that he and Crowe went to Peru in 2008 and Crowe traveled with other friends to Bangkok and Hong Kong. Before Crowe’s death, Murphy said his friend had asked him to put together another trip together.
But dreams for travel and ambitions for further work on LGBT issues and politics were cut short. Murphy, who was present at the hospital where Crowe died, was the first of his friends to know.
“His mom had called me and was kind of frantic telling me the doctors had come out of the operating room saying they didn’t know if he was going to make it, so I rushed to the hospital,” Murphy said. “By the time I got there, he had passed.”
Murphy said in the operating waiting room he encountered Crowe’s mother, who was crying and at first unable to speak, but then said, “We lost him.” Murphy said the news was devastating, but he took on the responsibility of sending e-mails to Crowe’s friends and fellow Hill staffers to inform them.
Paulsen was one of the recipients of the e-mails and, in a state of shock, said he immediately left work upon hearing the news.
“I walked all the way over to Chris’ apartment to be with his roommate and family,” Paulsen said. “At first I couldn’t process it, but it was just very sad.”
Another e-mail recipient, Simpson said Crowe’s death came as a surprise because those who knew him thought he could just “smile through” his disease to become healthy.
“It didn’t seem real,” Simpson said. “I knew that Chris was sick, but it was never always clear that it would be this bad.”
Simpson observed that deaths at a young age are relatively uncommon in the younger generation of gay men — unlike what older gay men faced during the AIDS crisis of the 1980s and early ’90s.
“We’re not used to death,” Simpson said. “He was the first of my peers to pass on. If you talk to gay men who are in their 40s and 50s, they had peers pass away all the time. That was one of those moments that I started to understand that this was just a hint of what gay men who were around in the ’80s were going through.”
Still, the memory of Crowe and his sparkling personality remain an inspiration for those who knew him.
Paulsen said he would always remember Crowe’s ability to find greater potential in others.
“He found some talents in me when we worked together and he made sure to always bring those up to the congresswoman or the chief of staff,” Paulsen said. “I think that’s what I’ll take from him — to try to make sure I see these things that might not be visible to everybody else and make sure that they’re aware of some of their talents.”
Murphy, who said he’s often a wallflower in social situations or nervous around guys he likes, expressed admiration for what he said was Crowe’s ability to embrace every situation head on and would try to emulate that approach to life.
“I think that’s something we and all of his friends really appreciated and his family, too,” Murphy said. “It’s something we’ll all probably try to live up to.”
For Simpson, Crowe’s memory inspires him to be proud of who he is and helps him stay grounded.
“Chris was aware of who he was and he fucking loved it, and played it up,” Simpson said. “Chris just knew that you have to be OK with who you are, but you have to be not just OK with it, but you have to own it and love it.”
A memorial service for Crowe is set to take place on Thursday at 12 pm in Room LJ-119 in the Jefferson Building at the Library of Congress. The Congressional LGBT Equality Caucus and the LGBT Congressional Staff Association are hosting the event. House chaplain Rev. Daniel Coughlin is set to officiate over the service.
Real Estate
Under-the-radar Delaware beach towns smart buyers are targeting
There are other options if Rehoboth prices are scaring you off
Look, we love Rehoboth. We will always love Rehoboth. Queer folks have been flocking there since the 1940s, and with scores of LGBTQ-owned businesses and a Pride calendar packed tighter than the boardwalk in July, “Rehomo” earned its crown fair and square.
But let’s be honest with each other: trying to buy property there right now feels a lot like trying to get a reservation at the one good restaurant in town on a Saturday in August. Everyone wants in, inventory is tighter than your swim trunks after Labor Day brunch, and the prices have officially entered “are you kidding me” territory.
So here’s a thought: What if you didn’t fight the crowd? What if, instead, you let Rehoboth keep doing its glorious, chaotic, glitter-bomb thing and you quietly built your beach life 15 minutes away for considerably less drama and considerably more square footage? Here are four towns ready for their close-up.
Lewes: The Charming Overachiever
Lewes is what happens when a beach town actually has its life together. Historic charm, walkability, proximity to Cape Henlopen State Park, less crowding, and a strong year-round community. Unlike towns that turn into ghost towns after Labor Day, Lewes maintains a real community all year long, which is more than we can say for some situationships.
And right now, the market is practically begging you to make a move. It’s one of the most desirable and stable markets in the county — built for buyers thinking long-term, not flippers, and Sussex County overall has flipped into genuine buyer’s market territory for the first time in years. Translation: you finally get to be the one with leverage.
Bethany Beach: My Personal Pick
Full disclosure: I own in Bethany. So consider this section a little biased — and also the most honest thing I’ll tell you in this whole article.
When I drive down from D.C., I’m not looking for more of D.C. I love this city, but I also love leaving it — and yes, some of the people in it too (you know who you are, and so do I). Bethany gives me that full exhale. It’s quiet in the way that actually means something: fewer crowds, slower mornings, a soundtrack that’s mostly waves instead of nightlife. It leans hard into its “quiet resort” reputation, with low property taxes and a limited geographic footprint, and it is not the least bit sorry about it.
But quiet doesn’t mean isolated. I’ve got a genuinely excellent food scene nearby, real shopping, and a string of charming neighboring beach towns — and when I do want a taste of Rehoboth’s energy, it’s a short, easy drive away. I get to choose my dose of chaos instead of living inside it.
And here’s the part that matters most for this article: the price. If you’ve looked at Rehoboth listings and quietly closed the tab in despair, I need you to hear this — you can absolutely afford a beach house. It just doesn’t have to be in Rehoboth. Bethany’s average home value sits around $848,592, which is still real money, no question — but it buys you more house, more land, and more peace than the same budget gets you closer to the boardwalk. Bethany is welcoming too, just without Rehoboth’s decades of built-in queer institutional history — and for plenty of us, that trade-off is more than worth it.
Fenwick Island: Small Town, Big Flex
Fenwick rarely gets mentioned and, frankly, it should be insulted. It’s tiny, it’s quiet, and it has beach access without the carnival energy. The market data tends to lump it in with Bethany, where single-family oceanfront homes clear $1 million while entry-level condos start in the $600s — proof that “under-the-radar” doesn’t mean “bargain bin,” it means “fewer people fighting you for it.”
South Bethany: For the Boat Gays
Some of us want sand between our toes. Others want a private dock and a boat named something deeply unserious. South Bethany’s canal communities are built for the latter — water access on both sides, fewer crowds, and a lifestyle that says, “I have a captain’s hat and I am not afraid to wear it.”
The Math Works in Your Favor Now
Here’s the part that should really get your attention: Sussex County’s median sold price has dropped to $440,000, down 3.3% year-over-year, and buyers are routinely closing around 88 cents on the dollar compared to asking price. That’s a far cry from the unhinged bidding wars of 2021 and 2022, when overpaying was basically a competitive sport. Inventory across the county sits at nearly 2,500 active listings — the most of any county in Delaware, meaning you actually get to be picky for once. Revolutionary, we know.
And no, choosing one of these towns doesn’t mean leaving your people behind. Sussex Pride serves the entire county, not just Rehoboth proper, and CAMP Rehoboth’s resources extend well beyond town limits too. You’re not exiling yourself to the suburbs of queerness — you’re just getting a bigger kitchen, a quieter porch, and a much shorter line for the bathroom.
Add in the fact that Delaware has no estate tax and some of the lowest property taxes around, savings that genuinely add up over a retirement horizon, and the case writes itself. Rehoboth will always be the beating, sequined heart of queer beach culture in Delaware. But if you’ve been telling yourself a beach house isn’t in the cards — I’m here to tell you it absolutely is. It just might be 15 minutes south, with your own quiet porch, your own salt air, and considerably more room to breathe.
Have a real estate question or Rehoboth market tip? Reach out to [email protected] for LGBTQ-friendly real estate resources in the Rehoboth area.
Justin Noble is a Realtor licensed in D.C., Maryland, and Delaware with Monument Sotheby’s International Realty. Reach him at [email protected] or 302-897-7499.
Real Estate
‘Culture eats strategy for breakfast’
Real estate agents must adapt, learn how to manage from within
“Culture Eats Strategy for Breakfast” was a phrase often repeated in many of my management courses from the University of Illinois. The concept was discussed at length – how the best laid plans can sometimes be supported or derailed by the culture of the people involved in whichever project to be implemented. Whether it be a project to implement new software, roll out a new product or service, or just reaching a sales target, the way the team involved works together can indeed affect the outcome.
Perhaps this is just another way to say, “teamwork makes the dream work!” Most teams usually have someone who is designated as a leader. The leader can try to lead through authority and control or can alternatively try to lead through influence and encouraging a more collective framework for solving problems.
Why does this matter when picking the right real estate agent or team to work with? Besides having a job as a salesperson for the brokerage, the real estate agent is contractually bound to act on their client’s behalf. The buyer broker agreement is in place so that the agent and the client can work together as a team in communications regarding offer strategy, during negotiations, implementing marketing plans, as well as selecting which renovations or upgrades to choose before selling a property. After the property goes under contract, the job isn’t “done”. There is still work to do.
At this point, the agents then turn into a project manager of sorts – coordinating communications between the lending team, the title attorneys, the other client’s agents, any governmental agencies that could be involved in down payment assistance or helping to clear a property for a sale, and often times groups like a condo board, a home inspector, or contractors when arranging repairs and estimates before a final walk through.
In short, the agent takes on somewhat of a “leadership role” in the transaction and ensures that all the ducks stay in a row until the project is complete. That agent will hopefully be very fluid and forthcoming with their information, copying the required parties on all communications and creating a “paper trail” of who said what or didn’t offer to fix A, B, or C, so that all the minutiae of the contract can be addressed and fulfilled before the settlement date. The agent often must wear many hats and quickly learn the communication styles of an entire new set of people in a short period. One person may not return calls for a week after being contacted. Another person may go on vacation at the beginning of the process and not return emails for two weeks. Another person may wish to have daily updates of the progress of the process.
In this way – an agent quickly learns in each transaction that “culture can eat strategy for breakfast.” Because the agent must adapt to a wide variety of communication styles, learn how to “manage from within”, build support for closing the project by the due date, and somehow keep all the interested parties invested, engaged, and responsive.
Who you work with matters when picking the right person to represent you in your next transaction – so, just remember that “teamwork makes the dream work!”
Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with RLAH. Reach him at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].
Dear Michael,
I’ve been dating Mark for three years, living together for two, and I’m not sure he’s for me. We get along great but I’m questioning how attracted I am to him.
I was never crazy about him physically but he was such a sweet and smart guy that I wanted to date him.
Sex was never mind-blowing and the longer we’ve been together the more this is bothering me. I wonder if I could find someone who appeals to me more, physically.
On the plus side, I like him a lot. He has good values, shares my religious faith, which is hard to find in another gay guy, is responsible and has a good work ethic. Also, I just have fun with him and he’s always interested to hear what’s on my mind. He’s an all-around decent guy.
As I’m writing this, I’m thinking that he seems great and that I’m a fool for even questioning our relationship. But all my friends are always talking about the amazing sex they are having, and then I think I’m missing out on a key part of life because my sex life is comparatively lackluster.
I don’t want to settle. But how likely am I to find another guy who is as all-around a good catch as Mark, but with more sexual chemistry?
Michael replies:
I don’t think the right approach is to wonder about your chances for of finding someone better. Anyone you find will have things you aren’t crazy about.
For example, you might find someone whom you’re wildly attracted to sexually, but they’ll bore you or annoy you, or have values you don’t respect.
I understand that you aren’t wildly sexually attracted to Mark. The truth is that it’s extremely unlikely that you would remain wildly sexually attracted to anyone for that long. People tend to get used to each other over time. Sex can remain great, but more from closeness and love than heat and sizzle.
I work with people all the time who wonder if there is someone “better” out there. And I tell them, they’re never going to get through all the possibilities before they die. Instead, how about thinking if the guy you are with is someone you’d like to go with on this journey through life?
Mark’s attributes that you mention sound wonderful to me. After more than 30 years working with folks on relationships, and being in my own 30+ year relationship, I have learned a thing or two about what creates a relationship that is satisfying and good. A decent, kind guy with admirable values is an excellent start.
The question is, can you live with your sex life not being on an orgasmically hot mind-blowing level? I hope the answer is yes, because sex with anyone you pick is not likely to stay in that sort of realm for long.
Another point to consider: I don’t think you should get too caught up in what your friends are telling you. They may be having amazing sex, but are they all having it with the same long-term partner? As I mentioned, long-term sex can be great, but the excitement tends to be replaced by caring connection over time.
I’ll generalize here for a moment: Because so many gay men have many sexual partners, the kind of sex you have with someone new, whom you’re tremendously attracted to, tends to be glorified among gay men as the gold standard of sex. But it’s not realistic for sex with a long-term partner.
This glorification is a big problem: It leaves gay men who are not having torrid sex with lots of guys feeling like there is something wrong with the sex they are having, that they are missing out on something super fantastic. Just like you are feeling.
If you want a lifetime of ongoing hot sex, I don’t think you should be looking for a relationship. If you are willing to accept sex being a not-always fantastic, but perhaps consistently loving, often good, and occasionally great part of life with a kind decent guy, then Mark might just be the right partner for you after all.
(Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].)
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