Living
Trans rights bill likely dead in Md.
‘Mike Miller wants it dead, it’s that simple’
The chief sponsor of a transgender non-discrimination bill in the Maryland Legislature took the unusual step of publicly criticizing the president of the State Senate on Wednesday, saying he was being disrespectful to her and those who would benefit from the bill by seeking to kill it in committee.
Del. Joseline Pena-Melnyk (D-Prince George’s & Anne Arundel Counties) said she was dismayed that Senate President Thomas V. Mike Miller (D-Prince George’s & Calvert Counties) diverted the Gender Identity Non-Discrimination Act to the Senate Rules Committee, where it will likely die without a vote or hearing.
“Mike Miller wants it dead, it’s that simple,” Pena-Melnyk told the Blade in an interview Wednesday. “Out of 94 bills that the House passed and sent to the Senate in a timely fashion, this was the only bill that went to the Rules Committee — the only bill,” she said.
The Rules Committee has long been viewed as a “graveyard” for bills in the State Senate that are unpopular with the Senate leadership, especially the president, during the closing days of the legislative session.
Neither Miller nor a spokesperson for his office immediately returned calls from the Blade seeking comment.
The Maryland Legislature adjourns for the year on April 11. Bills like the gender identity measure that are sent to the Rules Committee at such a late date are deemed “dead on arrival” unless Miller were to have a change of heart and agree to send it to a standing committee for a required hearing and vote.
Pena-Melnyk and LGBT supporters of the gender identity bill expected Miller to follow normal Senate procedures for bills passed by the House of Delegates by sending it to the Senate Judicial Proceedings Committee. The bill has died in that committee for the past four years, but supporters were hopeful it would clear the panel this year.
They were optimistic because the House of Delegates passed the bill by a vote of 86-52 on March 25, representing the first time a transgender non-discrimination measure has passed in either body of the Maryland Legislature.
The bill calls for prohibiting discrimination against transgender Marylanders in the area of employment, housing, and credit.
Pena-Melnyk said she sought to meet with Miller on Tuesday with the intent of urging him to release the bill from the Rules Committee and to send it to the Judicial Proceedings panel.
“I waited an entire hour for him, a whole hour in his office, and he refused to see me,” she said.
She called Miller’s action disrespectful to her and to the transgender community and their allies who have worked hard to secure passage of the bill for more than four years.
“What message does that send? How does that speak of us that we can treat people like that in the State of Maryland?” she said. “It’s so disrespectful.”
Miller and Sen. Brian Frosh (D-Montgomery County), chair of the Judicial Proceedings Committee, have denied reports from some Annapolis insiders that Frosh initiated the effort to derail the bill by asking Miller to divert it to the Rules Committee rather than sending it to Frosh’s committee.
One source familiar with the legislature said Miller appeared to confirm that Frosh asked him to send the bill to the Rules panel when he told Sen. Richard Madaleno (D-Montgomery County) during a caucus meeting of Senate Democrats on Tuesday that he acted on Frosh’s suggestion.
Madaleno, who is gay and is a lead supporter of the gender identity bill, told the Blade Wednesday that Miller did, indeed, tell him at the caucus meeting that Frosh favored sending the bill to the Rules Committee. But Madaleno said Miller approached him privately about 10 minutes later to say he misspoke at the caucus meeting and that Frosh did not ask him to divert the bill to the Rules panel.
“He said it was his decision,” said Madaleno.
According to Madaleno, Miller’s explanation to him on why he diverted the gender identity bill was similar to Miller’s explanation to the Baltimore Sun on Tuesday.
The Sun reported that Miller expressed concern that the Senate had attempted to advance the gender identity bill several times in the past four years and it has died due to lack of support in that chamber.
“There are not the votes to move it in committee,” he told the Sun, referring to the Judicial Proceedings Committee. “At this point in time I’d say the chances of passage of that bill are next to none,” the Sun quoted him as saying.
Morgan Meneses-Sheets, executive director of the statewide LGBT group Equality Maryland, issued an alert to the group’s supporters and allies Wednesday urging them to make phone calls and send e-mail messages to their senators demanding that the gender identity bill be released from the Rules Committee. She said the group remains hopeful that the bill has a chance of passing if it reaches the Senate floor for a vote.
Equality Maryland joined LGBT activists last week in hailing the bill’s passage in the House of Delegates by a wide margin.
But the group Trans Maryland, which is opposing the bill because a public accommodations clause was stripped from the legislation this year, has sent out its own alert asking members and allies to contact the Rules Committee to urge that the bill be killed unless the public accommodations provision is restored.
Pena-Melnyk said she removed the public accommodations provision because doing so was the only way the bill could clear a House of Delegates Committee and reach the House floor. She said the bill could never pass this year, even in the Senate, if the public accommodations provision is added to the bill.
One of the biggest headaches of the new home process is the actual moving part. By the time someone is buying a home, most people are beyond the “I just need a pickup truck, a pizza and a case of beer for my friends.”
If that is still someone’s preferred way to move, that’s great. However, many people find they need a much more robust plan. It can also trigger a lot of feelings about items one owns, what to do with them, do they have too much, should I keep this memento that I never use? Etc.
Moving is a chance for a person to “clean house” literally, figuratively, spiritually and energetically. A person can figure out which items they want to keep, and which need to go. As someone who recently moved across the country, I can speak to this experience. It’s also time for what people call “the fresh start effect.” This phenomenon, according to psychologists, can happen in little moments (like the start of a new work week) and bigger moments (such as moving from one home to the next).
The fresh start effect offers these benefits often mentioned by psychologists:
- Mental Accounting: Dates act as chapter breaks, letting you put past failures into a previous period.
- Psychological Distance: You separate your flawed past self from your aspirational future self (“That was the old me”).
- Optimism Boost: New beginnings clear mental clutter and increase your sense of agency and control
Does this mean that “the new you” will be the perfect version you envisioned? Probably not. We are humans. But it might mean you get a chance to “leave some of the old you behind” within the walls you used to live in, and now have a chance to have a new layout, a new décor, a new color pattern, new wallpaper, donate old furniture and books or magazines, throw out clothes you no longer use or fit in, and enjoy the opportunity to literally use the, “Does this spark joy?” method that was made so popular by Marie Kondo in her Netflix series.
So, for all its hassle and headache, moving is a chance to shake off the “old you” and try on the new you, to incorporate the items you would like to keep and use more of, and shed the items, habits, and ways of thinking that you feel no longer serve you.
I can speak to the experiences that several of my clients had when they moved from a previous residence to a newer one. It usually coincided with a change in relationship status, a change in employment, a change in family size, but sometimes it just seemed to correlate to a new attitude and perspective that the client was really hoping for.
I have literally had clients come to me after the fact, in tears, that they were so happy they made the decision to move out of a situation that no longer served them, and move into one that felt like a much better fit.
Change can be annoying and overwhelming at times, but usually most people come out the other side, not wanting to return to the way they were before.
Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with RLAH. Reach him at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].
Despite a U.S. political climate that has made electric vehicles about as welcome as a vegan at a Texas barbecue, automakers haven’t gotten the memo. The 2027 BMW iX3 and Rivian R2—in showrooms soon—prove the point. But think of them as distant cousins: one arrives impeccably dressed; the other probably has a kayak strapped to the roof.
BMW iX3
$62,000
Range: Up to 434 miles
0 to 60 mph: 4.7 seconds
Cargo space: 30.4 cu. ft.
PROS: Huge driving range. Distinctive styling. Cutting-edge interior.
CONS: Quirky digital controls. Only one U.S. trim level. Pricey options.
WHAT’S NEW: This is BMW’s first production model on its state-of-the-art Neue Klasse platform, radically changing the technology, cabin and electric drivetrain.
The iX3 arrives on our shores in one trim level, the iX3 50 xDrive. Load it up with options and you can sail well past $80,000.
Depending on configuration, this luxe EV delivers an astonishing range before recharging. And a dual-motor, all-wheel-drive system produces 463 horsepower, which allows you to tootle around as fast as a Porsche 718 sportster.
The new “Panoramic iDrive” spreads information across the base of the windshield, supplemented by a central display and steering-wheel controls. An available 3D head-up display adds even more info. It’s futuristic, busy and unmistakably BMW—like someone decided the dashboard needed its own coming-out party.
Then there’s the “Heart of Joy” computer, which coordinates the motors, braking and steering for sharper responses and smoother control. The name may sound like something from a self-help retreat, but the innovation makes the iX3 seriously entertaining to drive.
You also can charge the iX3 from 10 percent to 80 percent in just 21 minutes. Nice.
This isn’t merely an electric X3 with the gasoline bits removed. It’s a tech reset for BMW. Compared with the R2, the iX3 is more polished, more luxurious…but, alas, considerably pricier.
RIVIAN R2
$45,000
Range: Up to 345 miles
0 to 60 mph: 5.9 seconds
Cargo space: 28.7 cu. ft.
PROS: Affordable luxury. Rugged looks. Clever storage.
CONS: No smartphone integration. No glass-roof shade. Touchy touchscreen.
WHAT’S NEW: Everything—the R2 is Rivian’s all-new, smaller electric SUV, and it brings the brand’s adventure-first attitude to a price point far below the larger R1S.
If the BMW iX3 is wearing a beautifully tailored jacket, the Rivian R2 has its sleeves rolled up.
With edgy styling, this is no anonymous crossover wearing an EV costume. Chunky details. Upright proportions. Distinctive lighting all give off an outdoorsy vibe without turning the R2 into a rolling REI catalog.
There are four configurations, with pricing from $45,000 to $58,000. That’s a big difference from the BMW—and potentially the R2’s biggest weapon.
The stats aren’t shabby, either. Driving range is from 275 to 345 miles. The dual-motor, all-wheel-drive setup produces between 350 horsepower and a frankly bonkers 656 horsepower. And the high-performance model lets you zip from 0-to-60 mph in just 3.6 seconds.
Drag-racing credentials? Absolutely!
Inside, there is lots of clever packaging, with flexible seating and generous storage. This EV is designed to carry actual stuff, not merely impress your neighbors.
Yes, there are quirks. Rivian skips Apple CarPlay and Android Auto, while everyday controls—some of which are less than intuitive—live on the touchscreen. And the panoramic glass roof lacks a conventional shade. Huh?
For some owners, those will be minor annoyances. For others, they’ll become daily reminders that Rivian marches to its own beat.
Perhaps that’s not a bad thing, though. The R2 feels less buttoned-up, more mischievous. It’s the automotive equivalent of Billy Porter ignoring the dress code and somehow looking better than everyone who followed it.
Advice
We’re getting married but our parents object
Will their disapproval and shortcomings derail our hopes for a happy life?
Dear Michael,
My girlfriend and I are getting married! We’re really excited, but we’ve got some big concerns as well.
All of our parents have had multiple marriages. I think 10 between the four of them. So we don’t have much in the way of role models for a successful marriage.
Also, we don’t have any parental support. Except for one of my ex-stepmothers whom I’m close to, none of our parents are happy that their daughter is getting married to another woman. That’s an understatement. Religious objections, moral objections, being angry that we’re “embarrassing them,” these are some of the things we’ve been told.
We do have some supportive siblings and step-siblings, which is great, although they’re getting pushback from parents about attending our wedding.
Given all this, what suggestions do you have for how we can make a go of our marriage? The divorce rate is over 50 percent for everyone. With all this baggage, we’re worried that we have even less of a chance. Thank you.
Michael replies:
First, congratulations!
Regarding your lack of family support: I’m sorry that you both have to deal with so much criticism, disdain, and judgment. Please don’t let your parents’ negativity influence your own views of yourselves and your relationship. Focus instead on the love and caring you will get from friends, community and the family who are present on your big day (I hope your siblings are brave enough to make it!). Being the recipients of that support is one of the sweetest parts of getting married.
Don’t worry about the high divorce rate. While some couples really shouldn’t stay married, lots of people get divorced because they don’t know what is required to have a good marriage, or don’t put in the effort to do so. That does not have to be your fate.
Similarly, your parents’ terrible track record doesn’t mean you have to repeat their marital histories. The skills to have a strong marriage are learnable.
To that end, here are the best tips I can offer the two of you:
- If you want a loving marriage, be a loving partner. Don’t snipe, sulk, or do the silent treatment when you’re mad. Unconditional love is largely a myth. Even our dogs won’t love us if we are mean to them.
- Don’t spend much time or effort focusing on what your spouse is doing wrong or how she is letting you down. Doing so leads to resentment and feeling like you’re a powerless victim. Instead, ask yourself what your own contribution is to the problem, and what you can do to make things better. You don’t have much power over your partner, but you have a lot of power over yourself.
You can certainly ask your spouse for what you’d like from her, but don’t expect to always get it. And don’t base your own wellbeing or good behavior on what your partner does or doesn’t do.
- Because any two people are always different in some important ways, there is no way that you both can always want the same things, or think the same way, or have the same priorities. Accept this! There has to be room for each of you to be an individual, not only part of a couple.
- Be generous as often as you can be, and have a boundary when it’s important for you to have one.
- When your spouse states that she has a boundary, respect it. Do not push her to back off from something that is important to her.
- Don’t keep score, including how much more you do or how often you don’t get your way. Instead, work together to have a collaborative marriage where you work together to make decisions and get things done.
- Strive not to weigh the relationship down with neediness. Once we’re grownups, it’s mainly our own job to soothe ourselves. You don’t want to burn out your partner’s empathy.
Of course you can ask for a hug, love, reassurance, support, advice, and a shoulder to cry on when you’re down. Just aim be the first person you turn to when you’re upset, and do your best to keep your own mood steady.
- Do not wait for your significant other to go first. Not on planning a date, not on apologizing, not on loading the dishwasher or cleaning the bathroom. If you wait for her to make the first move, you will have a resentful relationship where nothing good ever happens.
Keeping these principles part of your operating system, even — and especially — at those moments when your spouse isn’t doing her best, will go a long way toward helping you build and maintain a loving and happy marriage.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
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