Living

Gay Hill staffer remembered for humor, dedication

Crowe, 29, succumbed to staph infection

Published

13 years ago

March 31, 2011

Chris Johnson

Christopher Crowe (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

The booming voice of Katy Perry accompanying a techno-dance beat of her song “Firework” jolted Kyle Murphy from sleep a couple months ago at 3 a.m.

Curious about the disturbance, Murphy arose from bed to find his best friend and roommate Christopher Crowe dancing on top of their kitchen island.

“I didn’t know what was going on,” Murphy said. “He had brought some friends home and the first thing I saw was him standing on the island in our kitchen dancing to Katy Perry. He was kind of the life of the party.”

For Murphy, who had known Crowe for more than five years since they interned together at the Gay & Lesbian Victory Fund, the memory represents Crowe’s over-the-top personality and willingness to go to great lengths to entertain others.

“Somebody had collected some quotes he used to say in his office, and one of them was ‘I say ‘no’ to drugs, and that’s it,'” Murphy said. “And that kind of, I felt like, summed up his personality.”

Crowe died last week at the Washington Hospital Center from a staph infection that damaged his heart after he contracted meningitis last summer.

Crowe, 29, who was gay, served as president of the LGBT Congressional Staff Association and as a staffer for Rep. Eddie Bernice Johnson (D-Texas). The death of the Kentucky native struck many Capitol Hill staffers and LGBT advocates with grief and prompted fond recollections of his life this week.

Johnson issued a statement expressing sorrow over the loss of her longtime staffer and sympathy for his family and loved ones.

“He was respected by his colleagues for his professionalism; he was beloved by many for his generous spirit and good humor,” Johnson said. “He was a person who enjoyed life and always had a smile to share. He never met a stranger.”

Many friends who worked with him on Capitol Hill and in LGBT advocacy had similar recollections of Crowe’s outgoing personality, which they said enabled him to make fast friends.

Marcus Paulsen, who’s gay and an administrative coordinator for the nonprofit group Community Wealth Ventures, said Crowe had a unique way of making others feel at ease.

“He was always laughing, and it didn’t matter if you told the dumbest joke,” Paulsen said. “He always would find it funny and could find something hysterical about it.”

A Dallas native, Paulsen said Crowe helped him obtain a position as an intern, and later a staffer, in Johnson’s office, where the two worked together for a year-and-a-half.

Paulsen recalled a time in December 2009 when he and Crowe participated in a retreat for staffers in Johnson’s office in Texas. Identifying the experience as one of his fondest memories of Crowe, Paulsen said people he knew from his home state easily made friends with Crowe.

“For me, it was kind of two worlds coming together: my D.C. life and my Texas life,” Paulsen said. “I wasn’t really sure how people would react to some of my D.C. friends and Chris, but he just had this way of becoming really close with people and everybody just absolutely adored him.”

Jason Mida, the Victory Fund’s vice president of development, knew Crowe from his days as an intern at the organization in 2005 and said Crowe had a unique way of drawing others to him.

“It didn’t matter who you were, it didn’t matter what your political affiliation was,” said Mida, who’s gay. “People were drawn to Chris. He was a ball of life and people wanted to be around him because you just felt better. You felt better about yourself; you felt better about things in general when he was around.”

Scott Simpson, press secretary of the Leadership Conference on Civil and Human Rights, knew Crowe from working together on the LGBT Congressional Staff Association and said he admired the confidence that gave Crowe the ability to speak with anyone.

“He had an ease about dealing with any range of people,” Simpson said. “Chris wouldn’t think twice about calling up the highest-level person in an agency or to the lowest-level person.”

Simpson said Crowe’s care for others enabled him to stay engaged with friends even as he struggled with meningitis for several months.

“This was a man who was in the emergency room,” Simpson said. “He was sending e-mails, text messages, asking how things are going, asking if he can help. If you didn’t know that Chris was sick, if you weren’t informed about it, people never knew.”

While always eager to have a good time with others, Crowe was also known among his friends as a passionate worker in both legislative affairs and LGBT advocacy.

Murphy, a communications specialist for the National Minority AIDS Council, recalled that Crowe’s dedication enabled him to rise quickly to become a high-level staffer for Johnson and to get elected as president of LGBT Congressional Staff Association.

“Everything that I heard about him was that he was amazing — not the greatest writer — but he had dyslexia, but he worked through that very well and didn’t let anything hold him back,” Murphy said.

Simpson recalled his days as president of the LGBT Congressional Staff Association before he left Capitol Hill when Crowe served as his deputy. The two worked on recreating the association after it had long been dormant.

Even though their work in recreating the association involved activity on rewriting bylaws and other less-than-exciting tasks, Crowe found ways to make the work enjoyable.

“Chris made people come to these meetings and actually enjoy themselves and actually laugh,” Simpson said. “He understood that in order to commit people to make change, they had to have a good time and that, I believe, was his secret weapon.”

As evidence of Crowe’s jovial personality, Simpson noted that Crowe would only refer to him as “Girl!” during the course of their work together. Simpson joked that he didn’t know if Crowe actually knew his name.

In his days as a Victory Fund intern, Mida said Crowe was dedicated and passionate about LGBT advocacy. He took a personal interest in working to elect Vivian Paige, a lesbian who ran in 2005 for city treasurer in Norfolk, Va.

“I remember how visibly upset he was when Vivian lost that night,” Mida said. “We’d only been there a few days, but he was so invested. I think that across the board —whether it was his work and whether it was relationships with folks — he immediately became invested in folks, and as a result, people were invested in him.”

Among the activities that friends cited as Crowe’s favorite was travel. In his work on foreign affairs issues for Johnson, Crowe would often take opportunities to go abroad as part of his work as a congressional staffer.

Murphy recalled that Crowe traveled to Dubai and Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates as part of his work for Johnson, which Murphy said gave Crowe “a travel bug.”

Among the trips that Murphy took with Crowe was an expedition with him and his mother on a Key West cruise in 2009.

“We were both redheads and so we just kind of looked like brothers, so we just starting telling everybody that we were brothers from that cruise ship on — and I referred to his mom as ‘Mama,'” Murphy said.

Murphy recalled that he and Crowe went to Peru in 2008 and Crowe traveled with other friends to Bangkok and Hong Kong. Before Crowe’s death, Murphy said his friend had asked him to put together another trip together.

But dreams for travel and ambitions for further work on LGBT issues and politics were cut short. Murphy, who was present at the hospital where Crowe died, was the first of his friends to know.

“His mom had called me and was kind of frantic telling me the doctors had come out of the operating room saying they didn’t know if he was going to make it, so I rushed to the hospital,” Murphy said. “By the time I got there, he had passed.”

Murphy said in the operating waiting room he encountered Crowe’s mother, who was crying and at first unable to speak, but then said, “We lost him.” Murphy said the news was devastating, but he took on the responsibility of sending e-mails to Crowe’s friends and fellow Hill staffers to inform them.

Paulsen was one of the recipients of the e-mails and, in a state of shock, said he immediately left work upon hearing the news.

“I walked all the way over to Chris’ apartment to be with his roommate and family,” Paulsen said. “At first I couldn’t process it, but it was just very sad.”

Another e-mail recipient, Simpson said Crowe’s death came as a surprise because those who knew him thought he could just “smile through” his disease to become healthy.

“It didn’t seem real,” Simpson said. “I knew that Chris was sick, but it was never always clear that it would be this bad.”

Simpson observed that deaths at a young age are relatively uncommon in the younger generation of gay men — unlike what older gay men faced during the AIDS crisis of the 1980s and early ’90s.

“We’re not used to death,” Simpson said. “He was the first of my peers to pass on. If you talk to gay men who are in their 40s and 50s, they had peers pass away all the time. That was one of those moments that I started to understand that this was just a hint of what gay men who were around in the ’80s were going through.”

Still, the memory of Crowe and his sparkling personality remain an inspiration for those who knew him.

Paulsen said he would always remember Crowe’s ability to find greater potential in others.

“He found some talents in me when we worked together and he made sure to always bring those up to the congresswoman or the chief of staff,” Paulsen said. “I think that’s what I’ll take from him — to try to make sure I see these things that might not be visible to everybody else and make sure that they’re aware of some of their talents.”

Murphy, who said he’s often a wallflower in social situations or nervous around guys he likes, expressed admiration for what he said was Crowe’s ability to embrace every situation head on and would try to emulate that approach to life.

“I think that’s something we and all of his friends really appreciated and his family, too,” Murphy said. “It’s something we’ll all probably try to live up to.”

For Simpson, Crowe’s memory inspires him to be proud of who he is and helps him stay grounded.

“Chris was aware of who he was and he fucking loved it, and played it up,” Simpson said. “Chris just knew that you have to be OK with who you are, but you have to be not just OK with it, but you have to own it and love it.”

A memorial service for Crowe is set to take place on Thursday at 12 pm in Room LJ-119 in the Jefferson Building at the Library of Congress. The Congressional LGBT Equality Caucus and the LGBT Congressional Staff Association are hosting the event. House chaplain Rev. Daniel Coughlin is set to officiate over the service.

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Real Estate

D.C.’s canvases of artistic expression

Murals offer a unique way to experience the city through art

Published

4 days ago

September 15, 2024

Valerie Blake

The Black Lives Matter mural on 16th Street, N.W., became a symbol of the global movement for racial justice. (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

If you are looking for art for your home or to just explore your creative side, Art All Night is a wonderful event to explore. It is one of D.C.’s most vibrant and inclusive cultural celebrations of the city’s rich artistic community. Held annually in multiple neighborhoods, this free, overnight festival transforms the city into a massive gallery of visual art, live performances, and interactive experiences.

From photography to dance and music to murals, Art All Night highlights the diverse talents of D.C.’s artists, offering residents and visitors a unique opportunity to engage with art in unconventional spaces. This year, it takes place from dusk until dawn on Sept. 27-28, allowing participants to explore the city’s creative energy in a festive atmosphere.

Art All Night plays a significant role in fostering community connections and revitalizing public spaces. The festival often takes place in unexpected locations, such as vacant lots, alleyways, and storefronts, transforming these areas into lively cultural hubs. It is well worth driving into the city for this event.

Among the many forms of artistic expression found in the nation’s capital, wall murals on buildings stand out as a dynamic and powerful medium. While you can’t hang them on the wall in your living room, these large-scale artworks transform public spaces into open-air galleries, each mural telling a story that reflects the city’s diverse population and its history.

The city’s mural scene gained prominence in the late 20th century. Murals became a way for artists to express political messages, celebrate cultural identities, and address social issues. This tradition continues today, with murals serving as both a reflection of the city’s past and a commentary on its present.

One of the most famous murals in the city is the “Duke Ellington” mural, located in the U Street Corridor. Painted by G. Byron Peck in 1997, this mural pays homage to the legendary jazz musician Duke Ellington, who was born and raised in D.C. The mural is not just a tribute to Ellington’s musical genius; it also serves as a reminder of the U Street Corridor’s history as a cultural hub for African Americans during the early 20th century, often referred to as “Black Broadway.”

Within different neighborhoods, you can see murals that celebrate the city’s African American, Latino, and immigrant communities. For example, in Columbia Heights, the “Un Pueblo Sin Murales Es Un Pueblo Desmuralizado” (A People Without Murals is a Demuralized People), a play on words between demoralized and demuralized, stands as a vibrant celebration of Latino culture. Created by a group of artists led by Carlos Salazar and Alfredo Ratinoff, this mural is a colorful depiction of Latin American history, culture, and struggles. It is not just a piece of art, but a statement of identity for the Latino community in D.C.

Similarly, the “Ben’s Chili Bowl” mural on U Street celebrates African-American culture and history. This iconic mural features portraits of notable African-American figures, including Barack and Michelle Obama, Prince, and Harriet Tubman.

You may enjoy a 2.5-hour walking tour of 25 local murals. Book online and check times at www.dcmuraltour.com. Your guide will meet you in front of the CitizenM NoMa Hotel Thursdays through Saturdays. You can also schedule a private tour with a five-person minimum.

The “Black Lives Matter” mural on 16th Street, N.W., near the White House, became a symbol of the global movement for racial justice. Painted in bold yellow letters, this mural was commissioned by D.C.’s mayor in 2020 amid protests against police brutality and systemic racism. The creation of this mural is both a declaration and a demand for justice, making a powerful statement in a city that is at the center of national politics.

The “LOVE” mural in the H Street Corridor is a collaborative effort involving local artists and residents. The mural, which spells out the word “LOVE” in large, colorful letters, is a symbol of unity and inclusivity. It serves as a reminder of the power of love and community in a rapidly changing city.

Murals on buildings in D.C. are more than just decorative art; they are powerful expressions of culture, history, and social consciousness. Each mural tells a story that is deeply connected to the community it represents, making the city’s streets vibrant canvases of expression.

So, as you walk through D.C., let these murals invite you to explore the city’s diverse neighborhoods, learn about its history, and engage in conversations about its future. Whether you are a resident or a visitor, the murals of D.C. offer a unique, creative, and enriching way to experience the nation’s capital through art.

Valerie M. Blake is a licensed Associate Broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH Real Estate / @properties. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her via DCHomeQuest.com, or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.

Real Estate

Sustainability and smart home technology

The future of modern living is now

Published

1 week ago

September 8, 2024

Jeff Hammerberg

Sustainable homes often feature solar panels.

In the rapidly evolving world of real estate, two major trends are converging to shape the homes of the future: sustainability and smart home technology. As more people become aware of the environmental impact of their choices, and as technology continues to advance at a breakneck pace, these two trends are increasingly influencing buying decisions in the residential real estate market. For those looking to buy or sell a home, particularly within the LGBTQ community, understanding these trends is essential. At GayRealEstate.com, we recognize the importance of these developments and how they contribute to a better, more sustainable future for all.

Demand for Sustainable Living

Sustainability is no longer just a buzzword — it’s a key factor in the decision-making process for many homebuyers. The modern consumer is increasingly conscious of their carbon footprint and is seeking homes that align with their values. Sustainable homes, also known as green homes, are designed to be energy-efficient and environmentally friendly. They often feature solar panels, energy-efficient windows, and advanced insulation systems, all of which contribute to reducing the home’s overall energy consumption.

One of the primary benefits of sustainable homes is the long-term cost savings they offer. By utilizing renewable energy sources like solar power, homeowners can significantly reduce their utility bills. Additionally, many governments and municipalities offer tax incentives and rebates for homes that incorporate green technology, making the initial investment in sustainability more financially viable.

The Rise of Smart Home Technology

Simultaneously, smart home technology is becoming a must-have feature in modern homes. What was once considered a luxury is now becoming a standard expectation for many buyers. Smart homes are equipped with devices and systems that can be controlled remotely via smartphones, tablets, or voice-activated assistants like Amazon Alexa or Google Home. These technologies include smart thermostats, security systems, lighting, and even kitchen appliances, all designed to make life more convenient, efficient, and secure.

Smart home technology is particularly appealing for its ability to optimize energy use. For example, a smart thermostat can learn a homeowner’s schedule and automatically adjust the temperature to reduce energy consumption when the house is empty. Similarly, smart lighting systems can be programmed to turn off when not in use or to dim based on the time of day or natural light levels, further contributing to energy savings.

Intersection of Sustainability, Smart Technology

The most forward-thinking homes are those that successfully integrate sustainability with smart home technology. This intersection is where the real innovation in real estate is happening. Homes that combine these elements offer not only reduced environmental impact but also enhanced living experiences.

Imagine a home where solar panels are not just installed but are also connected to a smart grid that optimizes energy use based on real-time data. Or consider a home with a rainwater collection system that works in tandem with smart irrigation to water the garden efficiently and sustainably. These are not just futuristic ideas — they are already being implemented in new developments across the country.

In fact, this integration is becoming a key selling point in competitive real estate markets. Buyers are increasingly looking for homes that offer both energy efficiency and the convenience of modern technology. For sellers, this means that investing in these features can significantly increase the value of their property and make it more attractive to potential buyers.

Impact on Property Values

As sustainability and smart technology become more ingrained in the real estate market, their impact on property values is becoming increasingly evident. Homes equipped with these features are often valued higher than comparable properties without them. Buyers are willing to pay a premium for homes that offer lower energy bills, reduced environmental impact, and the latest in home technology.

For LGBTQ real estate buyers and sellers, particularly those who value innovation and environmental responsibility, these trends represent an exciting opportunity. By focusing on sustainability and smart home technology, you can find or create a home that not only meets your needs but also contributes to a better, greener future.

(At GayRealEstate.com, we are committed to helping our clients navigate these emerging trends. Whether you are looking to buy, sell, or simply explore the possibilities, our network of knowledgeable and LGBTQ-friendly real estate professionals is here to guide you every step of the way. Together, we can make sustainable, smart living a reality for everyone.)

Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at 303-378-5526 or [email protected].

Advice

My boyfriend has gained 50 pounds and won’t change

Should I stay with someone who refuses to get off of the couch?

Published

1 week ago

September 8, 2024

Michael Radkowsky

A partner’s weight gain could be due to undiagnosed depression.

Dear Michael,

My boyfriend of five years has been steadily putting on weight and now I would say he is about 50 pounds heavier than when we met, which was the summer of 2019.

First he blamed the weight gain on COVID. Like most people we were stuck at home, anxious, and overindulging in comfort food; and the gym wasn’t an option. So I didn’t say anything and figured things would return to “normal” once we got through the pandemic.

I will say, though, that I managed to not gain much weight during that time because I found ways to exercise. He didn’t want to join me and I didn’t push.

Although we’re long past COVID, Tim hasn’t changed his ways. He never went back to the gym and continues to eat whatever he wants. I’d say his main hobby is sitting on the couch watching TV and eating junk food.

To make matters worse, his sister recently told me that historically Tim has been a heavy guy. He’d never bothered to share this with me, so I had no idea.

Evidently I met him on the tail-end of an intense push to get in shape. So he looked really good at the time, but that was temporary.

When I confronted him about this, he was mad at his sister for telling me and said I had no right to talk about him behind his back. Well, I didn’t ask her—she just brought it up, and was surprised that I was surprised.

Tim is annoyed that I keep voicing my unhappiness about his being out of shape. He says he is the same sweet and loving person I fell in love with and I’m shallow to be so upset by surface appearances.

I told him he was trying to gaslight me: If he feels that love should have nothing to do with how you look, then why did he go to all the trouble to lose weight and get in shape before we met? I feel like he did it to get a boyfriend and then thought he could just go back to being fat once he was in a relationship.

So now he’s mad at me for saying he’s basically a devious schemer. I didn’t use those words but it’s true I don’t trust him and feel taken advantage of.

Besides the weight, it’s not attractive to see him just basically lie around all the time and not take care of his body.

I asked if he’d consider some drug like Ozempic and he got really angry and said I’m awful to suggest something that might have all sorts of side effects just so that I will be happier with his looks.

The upshot is, I feel stuck with a guy who turns me off and doesn’t want to do anything about it and tells me I’m shallow for not being in love with him no matter what he looks like.

My friends tell me to dump him, but does he have a point?

Michael replies:

You get to decide whom you want to date. You are very far from alone in wanting an energetic and physically attractive partner.

It’s true that no one stays gorgeous, and has an amazing body, forever. We all have to accept the changes that time brings to our partners and to ourselves. But that is different from accepting a partner who isn’t making any effort to take care of himself.

Aside from the lack of self-care, Tim’s refusal to share significant details about his life, or his thoughts and motives around big issues, is both a trust-destroyer and a huge roadblock to your having a close or intimate relationship. And the way that Tim blows off your questions, and attacks you for being curious or confused, is a recipe for distance and resentment. It is also unkind.

Now let’s look at your part in this. I’m curious about what has been keeping you in this relationship. You haven’t said anything about what you like (or love) about Tim. All I know is that he describes himself as sweet and loving.

Maybe he has some wonderful qualities you haven’t mentioned. Or maybe it’s hard for you to stand up for yourself? To let someone down? To have a boundary when it’s important?

My biggest questions: Do you have a history of picking partners who underperform in some major ways? Or is the first time you’ve found yourself constantly disappointed by your partner, and constantly pushing him to do better?

Somehow you’ve created a life where you are hitting your head against a brick wall, getting nowhere, continuing to do it, and complaining about the pain. Tim’s made clear that he doesn’t want to do anything different, and yet you continue to push him to change. Your behavior might be leading him to dig in. In any case, it’s leaving you miserable.

In any relationship, you can certainly ask for what you would like from your partner. But you have to let go of the result. And if the answer is “no,” you can either accept it, or drive the two of you crazy.

If you do care about this relationship, and Tim, and yourself, you could propose to Tim that the two of you meet with a couples therapist. Perhaps this would help Tim to open up and to get a grip on his behaviors. It might also help you to understand why you might be keeping yourself stuck in a miserable position, so that you can raise your level of functioning in this relationship.

One more important thought: Tim’s lack of self-care and energy make me think that he is depressed. I wonder if Tim—before you met him, at least—was one of the many gay men who feel intense pressure to have a certain kind of body. It isn’t always easy, or even possible, to sustain this kind of appearance. And I wonder if he may be ashamed of where he is, which might be one big reason for his defensiveness.

Again, couples therapy—or individual therapy—might help him address whatever is keeping him down. But Tim would have to be willing to go. You can make the suggestion, but you cannot force him to change.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].