Opinions
Gay adoptive parents profiled in new film
There is more to family creation than simply bringing a child home
āConceiving Family,ā a documentary that follows five same-sex couples in Canada along the path to parenthood, is ironically named ā all of the couples adopt, rather than biologically conceive, to bring children into their families.
American-born filmmaker Amy Bohigian chose the title, she said in an interview, because she liked the double meaning of āconceiveāāthe biological sense and the thought process. She also hopes that people who Google āconceivingāāmost likely people trying to have biological childrenāmight come across the film and be moved to consider āadoption as a viable option.ā
The film was a personal as well as professional endeavor for Bohigian. She began it because she wanted her own adopted children āto see how we all came into each other’s lives.ā She and her partner Jane Byers are one of the couples featured.
Bohigian at first ātried really hardā not to make a documentary, however, she said. She feared Byers would be annoyed āif I had been worried about camera placement and lighting as we were meeting our children for the first time.ā
She therefore decided to document particular moments, rather than make a documentary film.
Eventually, however, she realized she wanted āto share the ways adoption had transformed our lives for the better,ā and decided to weave the moments of their story with those of other lesbian and gay adoptive parentsāmaking a film despite herself.
Each of the families has a different tale to tell about their path to parenthood. Bohigian and Byers adopted biracial (East Indian/Caucasian) 15-month-old twins who were being fostered by a Christian fundamentalist couple. To help the children transition, the two couples lived together for two weeks. The birth family expressed that they felt homosexuals were sinners, but Amy and Jane realized that it was in the childrenās best interests for the two families to get along.
When the families visit a year after the adoption, the birth father said that he had told the members of his church, ā[Bohigian and Byers] have committed to loving these kids. That to me is more Christian that what I see in most of the denominations. . . . These guys are actually practicing the reality of what it is to commit and love people.ā
Jan and Lindsey, another couple in the film, took a different path. They first tried assisted reproductionāafter having to lie about their sexual orientation to a doctor who didnāt want to treat lesbiansābut did not get pregnant. Then, inspired by a friend who had adopted from Romania, they decided to do the same. Not only was the trip to Romania challenging in itself, but it was followed by one of the twins nearly dying after coming to Canada. After that, they fought the courts for the right to have both of them named as legal parents, eventually becoming the first same-sex couple in British Columbia to get joint custody and guardianship. Twenty years later, they fostered and adopted a baby boy and his older sister from British Columbia.
Daryl and Ian faced subtle and not-so-subtle discrimination from adoption agencies and birth families. After preparing a nursery and buying a minivan, they were rejected at the last minute by the first birth family that had selected them. Eventually, the men adopted a four hour-old baby boy from another family.
Jim and Ted considered surrogacy, but rejected it as too expensive. Instead, they adopted a five-year-old boy, as Jim worked to overcome the self-doubt instilled by his upbringing as a āgood Catholic boyā and fears of disappointing his devout mother.
Colleen had had children through a previous marriage to a man, but then decided to raise a child with her partner Tammy. They fostered a sick child of indigenous heritage, and made the choice to return with her to her community in Haida Gwaii. Although they feared someone there might want to adopt her instead, they knew it was important for the girl to maintain connections to her roots. As it turned out, they were welcomed with open arms. Although the girlās birth mother struggled with whether to keep her child, she ultimately decided to let Colleen and Tammy become her adoptive parents.
Bohigian captures the experiences that her subjects shareāwaiting to hear if there is a match with a child; misunderstandings or discrimination because they are same-sex couples; the process of transition for the children; maintaining connections with birth familiesāwhile not ignoring the differences in how each approaches these issues.
āThe emotionally and technically raw footageā of her family, she said, āis not as much through the lens of a filmmaker going through this process, but of me when I was becoming a parent. That distinction may sound slight, but it made all the difference.ā
Find out more about Conceiving Family or buy the DVD at conceivingfamily.com.
Dana Rudolph is the founder and publisher of mombian.com, a blog and resource directory for LGBT parents.
Opinions
Howard County exec: Inclusive communities are thriving communities
In Maryland, itās more than a talking point ā itās a way of life
Every person, organization, and business has the opportunity to make inclusion a core mission. Yet, true inclusion requires more than intention. It demands action to ensure every person in our community can live authentically, embrace their potential, and thrive without fear of hate or harm. In Howard County, Md., we are doing our part to make inclusivity more than a talking point ā itās a way of life.
The Human Rights Campaignās 2024 Municipal Equality Index (MEI) awarded Howard County a perfect score of 100 for the third year in a row. At a time when LGBTQIA+ rights are at stake, the MEI and the rubric it provides for cities and towns across our country has never been more important.
The MEI examines how inclusive municipal laws, policies, and services are in cities and towns across the country. The report scores cities across five domains: non-discrimination laws, municipality as an employer, municipal services, law enforcement and leadership on LGBTQ+ equality. We proudly achieved the highest marks in all five domains, which comes as no surprise. Itās important to me that Howard County is a national model for implementing inclusive policies for our 17 protected classes in Howard County.
When I first took office as Howard County Executive in December of 2018, one of my first initiatives was hosting our very first Pride festival. It was the perfect time to celebrate and reflect upon the progress we made to advance civil rights and protections for our LGBTQIA+ neighbors. In June of 2019, Howard County proudly hosted its first Pride festival, with thousands of attendees, solidifying our commitment to our residents and neighbors.
It was also ever important that our LGBTQIA+ residents had a seat in government operations. In 2022, I established Howard Countyās inaugural LGBTIA+ Commission, which partners with county agencies, nonprofit organizations and other community groups to facilitate an environment of inclusion, communication, understanding and respect throughout the county. This Commission continues to advance policy and systemic changes for those with different gender and sexual identities.
To further uplift our neighbors, for the first time in county history, in June of 2022 we proudly raised the Pride flag at the seat of Howard County government, symbolizing unity and inclusiveness. This meaningful action reflects our commitment to supporting, celebrating, and standing with all LGBTQIA+ individuals in Howard County, affirming that they are a vital, welcomed, and celebrated part of our community.
In 2024, our Office of Human Rights and Equity (OHRE) hosted various community events, workshops, listening and training sessions that attracted 4,000 attendees. Creating community spaces where people can freely share their thoughts fosters a collective sense of belonging. We want everyone to know that their voice matters.
Additionally, more than 160 Howard County government employees received training from our Equity and Restorative Practices Unit last year. This pioneering initiative delves into the ways current leadership paradigms might perpetuate racialized dynamics. It is imperative we continuously examine our current practices to see where we might be lacking and devise ways to remedy our weaknesses.
Across our country of thousands of cities and counties, we are proud to be counted among 130 MEI-rated cities that have earned the highest score of 100. This shows the immense progress local government is making to enact policies and legislation that protect the classes of sexual orientation and gender identity. By focusing on making a difference where people live, learn, and grow, we can make a bigger impact nationally combating hate and discrimination based on sexual orientation and/or gender identity. Because we know ā when we foster inclusive communities we foster thriving communities.
Calvin Ball is the executive of Howard County, Md.Ā
This week marks the end of President Joe Bidenās administration, the most pro-LGBTQ leader our country has ever known. With his departure, our community enters a period of uncertainty and alarm over how trans Americans will be treated under Trumpās tenure.
Before we begin coping with that unfortunate reality, letās take a moment to celebrate Biden. His legacy includes many landmark achievements, from ending the COVID pandemic and implementing the infrastructure bill to restoring Americaās reputation around the world, supporting Ukraine, and standing up to Vladimir Putinās aggressions.
Bidenās advocacy on behalf of LGBTQ Americans will be a key part of his overall legacy. Never have we had a president so committed to our equality and inclusion.
One of the most memorable moments in Bidenās long record of LGBTQ support came in 2012 when he famously endorsed marriage equality in a live TV interview days before President Obama did the same. It marked the first time a sitting vice president publicly supported marriage equality and Biden did it just six months before the election, something that even LGBTQ activists had advised against.
As president, Biden fought successfully to preserve marriage equality in the increasingly likely event that the Obergefell ruling is overturned by the Supreme Court. The Respect for Marriage Act ensures that the federal government and all U.S. states and territories must recognize same-sex and interracial marriages. Biden signed it in 2022 and held a massive event on the White House lawn bringing together hundreds of LGBTQ advocates from around the country to celebrate.
āTodayās a good day,ā he said during the signing ceremony. āToday America takes a big step towards equality.ā
Biden began his term on Jan. 20, 2021, and on that same day, issued an executive order establishing workplace protections for LGBTQ Americans and prohibiting discrimination in education, credit, health care, and housing.
Biden ensured that his administration and the federal government looked like America, naming record numbers of out LGBTQ judicial appointees and senior staff. He gave us the nationās first Senate-confirmed gay Cabinet member in Pete Buttigieg, thus opening the door for future LGBTQ top staff like Scott Bessent, Trumpās pick for Treasury Secretary, whoās gay.
āLGBTQ+ people have received a record number of federal appointments, including Cabinet members, judges, and around 14% of the administration,ā according to the Victory Fund. In addition to Buttigieg, he appointed Dr. Rachel Levine as the first out transgender person to hold an office that requires Senate confirmation. And he named Karine Jean-Pierre, a Black lesbian, as his press secretary.
His advocacy wasnāt merely symbolic. President Biden in June issued historic pardons for military service members who were discharged over their sexual orientation or gender identity under discriminatory policies of the past, like āDonāt Ask, Donāt Tell.ā
āThis is about dignity, decency, and ensuring the culture of our Armed Forces reflect the values that make us an exceptional nation,ā Biden said at the time. āWe have a sacred obligation to all of our service members ā including our brave LGBTQI+ service members: To properly prepare and equip them when they are sent into harmās way, and to care for them and their families when they return home.ā
Veterans who were discharged for their sexual orientation or gender identity were barred from accessing benefits through the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs but veterans who obtain certificates of pardon can now petition for a change in their discharge status, which can facilitate their access to benefits.
On a personal note, I am grateful to President Biden and his talented and thoughtful communications team for granting the Blade the first-ever presidential sit-down interview with an LGBTQ newspaper. It was a moment Iāve worked toward for more than 20 years, holding endless calls and meetings with President Obamaās team trying to land that interview; and even working with Trumpās team early on in the hopes he might talk to the queer media. But it took Biden to again make history for our community. The Bladeās Sept. 20, 2024 cover photo of our White House reporter Chris Kane sitting across the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office from President Biden ā an image snapped by longtime Blade Photo Editor Michael Key ā fills me with immense pride. It was a moment that took decades of hard work and perseverance by pioneering queer journalists to realize.
Thank you, Mr. President, for having our backs, not just for these past four years but throughout a long and impactful career in public service.
Kevin Naff is editor of the Washington Blade. Reach him at [email protected].
Opinions
Trumpās aggressiveness will cause havoc in the world
Incoming president admires Putin and Hitler
Some are asking if the majority of Americans really care, or even understand, what it means if Trump brings a wrecking ball to the rule of law, both here at home, and around the world.
Our first indication will be how the public reacts, especially Trump voters, to what he does based on his promises to grant clemency to those sentenced for their actions during the Jan. 6, 2021 riot at the United States Capitol. Trump has called it a day of love; others have referred to it as his failed effort to stage a coup. There can be no debate about the actions of many in the crowd who stormed the Capitol that day, as they are on film. The question for many will be whether Trump grants clemency to any who were sentenced for just being there, or will he grant broad clemency to everyone, including those who were seen breaking windows, destroying property, and injuring police. Let us never forget 140 officers were injured protecting the building, and members of Congress we elected.
Then there is the issue of the boundaries Trump crossed by calling Supreme Court Justice Alito before his case on the hush money sentencing was decided. Will Trump have these kinds of conversations with other justices when his administration, and even he personally, will have future cases pending before them? Will his administration potentially disregard a court ruling?
Then we move on to the world stage. Trump has made statements to the effect that he would consider using military force to take Greenland and the Panama Canal. Would he actually consider invading another country without any provocation? Those words, even before any action is taken, make me think of Vladimir Putin and Adolf Hitler. Both men, Trump at one time or another, has said he admires. He has nominated as Director of National Intelligence a person who supported deposed Syrian dictator Assad and Putin. Then he said he would consider economic coercion to get Canada to become part of the United States. Remember, these are all sovereign nations.
Just knowing that Trump, and many he has chosen to surround himself with, think like this, should frighten all decent Americans, as well as the rest of the world. Trump often says outrageous things like this without any real thought, or knowledge, as to what they entail, and what the repercussions would be. Remember his suggestion about swallowing bleach to battle COVID? Clearly, he often doesnāt know what he is talking about. Some think these statements are just meant as diversions, to take our attention from the outrageous things he is actually doing. Too often the news media takes the bait, and they along with the American people, end up losing track of the real and immediate damage he is doing to the nation.
It is clear many of these outrageous thoughts seem to come from the last person who whispered in his ear. Today that is often Elon Musk, who has been getting involved in the politics of the United Kingdom, Germany, and other nations. Muskās closeness to Trump seems based mostly on how much money he has given to Trump and his causes. Some think he may have even promised Trump a few billion dollars after his presidency is over. Other social media moguls, and billionaires, are now clearly trying to kiss Trumpās ass. One who has clearly sealed his lips to Trumpās rear end is Mark Zuckerberg of Meta. His announcement that Facebook will no longer fact check posts because he claims he believes in āfree speech,ā led to a wonderful meme I recently saw. It said, āMark Zuckerberg, who passed away recently at the age of 36, a convicted pedophileā¦ā It seems Musk, Zuckerberg, and others have now joined Trump in accepting lying on social media is fine in the name of free speech. Hey, it worked to get Trump elected, and a whole cable network, Fox News, has found how effective lying can be in generating viewers and poisoning the minds of the uneducated, and those who want to believe the bullshit they spout for their own benefit.
We live in an uncharted time. I think itās hard to predict what will happen in the next four years. Will people tire of this dangerous, liar, racist, homophobe, misogynist, felon, found liable for sexual assault? Or will they accept all that he does and speaks? I pray they tire of him, and rebel, before he destroys our country.
Peter Rosenstein is a longtime LGBTQ rights and Democratic Party activist.
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