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‘Normal’ families?

Real-life gay parents weigh in on how they’re portrayed in pop culture

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Nick Pirulli, Brent Almond, gay families, LGBT families, Washington Blade, gay news
Nick Pirulli, Brent Almond, gay families, LGBT families, Washington Blade, gay news

Nick Pirulli (left) with partner Brent Almond and son Jon, almost 3. (Photo courtesy the couple)

Gay characters have been on TV since the ‘70s with Billy Crystal on “Soap.” And we’re now seeing more LGBT family life than ever before, especially on sitcoms like “Modern Family” and “The New Normal.”

But these characters are written — as one would expect on a sitcom — broadly. How do they sit with real-life LGBT families? We found some in our area and asked.

“We get this question all the time,” says Brent Almond, a Kensington, Md., resident who’s raising nearly 3-year-old son Jon with his partner of 15 years, Nick Pirulli. “We adopted our son about the same time Cam and Mitch did on ‘Modern Family,’ plus we are a couple consisting of a larger southern guy and a smaller, bearded lawyer. We’ve been watching it from the beginning and love it. I think, you know, I don’t know that our personalities are too much like theirs, but they look like real people to us. The guys on ‘The New Normal’ are almost too pretty. I know people like that but they’re not really our friends. They don’t seem as quote-unquote real to me.”

 

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Not everyone is feeling the warm fuzzies though. Alexandra Khalaf, who’s raising 9-month-old daughter Camille with her spouse of three years, Amy, says Hollywood’s fascination with gay men is disappointing.

“Of course I DVR’d ‘The New Normal’ hoping that any new gay show would be helpful for our cause,” she says. “But I find myself really frustrated watching the show. First, it’s always gay men on these shows, minus ‘The L Word,’ which was all straight women and horribly done. Second, the show of course portrays the very wealthy gay men living in a beautiful home in California, a stereotype for all gay men — good looking, fit, rich. Then he has a black ‘helper’ — again, stereotype. It’s not realistic at all.”

She’s also concerned at how easy the show made the parenting process appear.

“My wife and I went through so many things to have our daughter — lawyers office multiple times for documents that might help should be wife and I separate or God forbid die. We had to deliver in another state other than where we live in Virginia in order to both be on the birth certificate. It’s not like a puppy where you walk up to a window and say, ‘Awwww, honey I want that one.’ And then the surrogate just gets pregnant on the first try. Seriously? This show makes it look so easy for our community to just pop out a kid … if the shows can’t be real, then don’t bother putting it on.”

Steve Majors, who works as communications director for Family Equality Council and has two daughters — 8-year-old Claudia and 7-year-old Shoshana — with partner Todd Leavitt, says while some of those observations are good to keep in mind, these shows ultimately do more good than harm.

“I know many families who gather around these shows with bowls of popcorn and their kids and it’s important for these kids to see their lives reflected in pop culture,” he says. “We know that LGBT families live everywhere. We live in 96 percent of the counties in the U.S., in every state. We are friends and neighbors and church goers just like everyone else and so when you have these shows that identify LGBT families, it goes a long way to let other people, our friends, neighbors and community members, know we exist and we are out there.”

But while the representation is seen as good by many LGBT TV fans, could there be a backlash? One can almost imagine grumbling remarks in middle America with straight viewers saying, “Here we go again — you know they had to throw in a token gay character.”

Majors says no.

“What you’re seeing is the normalization of our families on TV and it’s just part of that process,” he says. “Yeah, you may have people think, ‘Oh, there goes our requisite LGBT character, but that’s all part of the part of us being in the pop culture conversation. It’s no longer something that’s seen as unique, edgy, controversial or cliché.”

Majors says pop culture is always a reflection of where society is in general.

“On ‘Will & Grace’ there was a lot of narrative about the search for a partner, a husband or a long-term spouse but we’re at a point now where more and more Americans support the freedom of LGBT people to get married and create families so as that has become more of a reality, it’s changing the narrative of how we see that reflected in films and TV. It’s not that unusual for there to be [LGBT] family storylines because that’s where we are right now as a community.”

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Calendar

Calendar: February 20-26

LGBTQ events in the days to come

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Friday, Feb. 20

Center Aging Monthly Luncheon with Yoga will be at noon at the D.C. LGBTQ+ Community Center. Email Mac at [email protected] if you require ASL interpreter assistance, have any dietary restrictions, or questions about this event.

Trans and Genderqueer Game Night will be at 7 p.m. at the D.C. Center. This will be a relaxing, laid-back evening of games and fun. All are welcome! We’ll have card and board games on hand. Feel free to bring your own games to share. For more details, visit the Center’s website. 

Go Gay DC will host “First Friday LGBTQ+ Community Social” at 7 p.m. at Hotel Zena. This is a chance to relax, make new friends, and enjoy happy hour specials at this classic retro venue. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite

Saturday, Feb. 21

Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Community Brunch” at 11 a.m. at Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant. This fun weekly event brings the DMV area LGBTQ community, including allies, together for delicious food and conversation.  Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

LGBTQ People of Color will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This peer support group is an outlet for LGBTQ People of Color to come together and talk about anything affecting them in a space that strives to be safe and judgement free. There are all sorts of activities like watching movies, poetry events, storytelling, and just hanging out with others. For more information and events, visit thedccenter.org/poc or facebook.com/centerpoc.

Sunday, Feb. 22

Queer Talk DC will host “The Black Gay Flea Market” at 1 p.m. at Doubles in Petworth. There will be more than 15 Black queer vendors from all over the DMV in one spot. The event’s organizers have reserved the large back patio for all vendors, and the speak easy for bar service, which will be serving curated cocktails made just for the event (cash bar.) DJ Fay and DJ Jam 2x will be spinning the entire event. For more details, visit Eventbrite.

Monday, Feb. 23

“Center Aging: Monday Coffee Klatch” will be at 10 a.m. on Zoom. This is a social hour for older LGBTQ adults. Guests are encouraged to bring a beverage of choice. For more information, contact Adam at [email protected].

Tuesday, Feb. 24

Coming Out Discussion Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a safe space to share experiences about coming out and discuss topics as it relates to doing so — by sharing struggles and victories the group allows those newly coming out and who have been out for a while to learn from others. For more details, visit the group’s Facebook

Genderqueer DC will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a support group for people who identify outside of the gender binary, whether you’re bigender, agender, genderfluid, or just know that you’re not 100 percent cis. For more details, visit genderqueerdc.org or Facebook

Wednesday, Feb. 25

Job Club will be at 6 p.m. on Zoom upon request. This is a weekly job support program to help job entrants and seekers, including the long-term unemployed, improve self-confidence, motivation, resilience and productivity for effective job searches and networking — allowing participants to move away from being merely “applicants” toward being “candidates.” For more information, email [email protected] or visit thedccenter.org/careers.

Asexual and Aromantic Group will meet at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a space where people who are questioning this aspect of their identity or those who identify as asexual and/or aromantic can come together, share stories and experiences, and discuss various topics. For more details, email [email protected]

Thursday, Feb. 26

The DC Center’s Fresh Produce Program will be held all day at the DC Center. To be more fair with who is receiving boxes, the program is moving to a lottery system. People will be informed on Wednesday at 5 p.m. if they are picked to receive a produce box. No proof of residency or income is required. For more information, email [email protected] or call 202-682-2245. 

Virtual Yoga Class will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This free weekly class is a combination of yoga, breathwork and meditation that allows LGBTQ community members to continue their healing journey with somatic and mindfulness practices. For more details, visit the DC Center’s website.  

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Sports

US wins Olympic gold medal in women’s hockey

Team captain Hilary Knight proposed to girlfriend on Wednesday

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(Public domain photo)

The U.S. women’s hockey team on Thursday won a gold medal at the Milan Cortina Winter Olympics.

Team USA defeated Canada 2-1 in overtime. The game took place a day after Team USA captain Hilary Knight proposed to her girlfriend, Brittany Bowe, an Olympic speed skater.

Cayla Barnes and Alex Carpenter — Knight’s teammates — are also LGBTQ. They are among the more than 40 openly LGBTQ athletes who are competing in the games.

The Olympics will end on Sunday.

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Movies

Radical reframing highlights the ‘Wuthering’ highs and lows of a classic

Emerald Fennell’s cinematic vision elicits strong reactions

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Margot Robbie and Jacob Elordi steam up a classic in 'Wuthering Heights' (Photo courtesy of Warner Bros.)

If you’re a fan of “Wuthering Heights” — Emily Brontë’s oft-filmed 1847 novel about a doomed romance on the Yorkshire moors — it’s a given you’re going to have opinions about any new adaptation that comes along, but in the case of filmmaker Emerald Fennell’s new cinematic vision of this venerable classic, they’re probably going to be strong ones.

It’s nothing new, really. Brontë’s book has elicited controversy since its first publication, when it sparked outrage among Victorian readers over its tragic tale of thwarted lovers locked into an obsessive quest for revenge against each other, and has continued to shock generations of readers with its depictions of emotional cruelty and violent abuse, its dysfunctional relationships, and its grim portrait of a deeply-embedded class structure which perpetuates misery at every level of the social hierarchy.

It’s no wonder, then, that Fennell’s adaptation — a true “fangirl” appreciation project distinguished by the radical sensibilities which the third-time director brings to the mix — has become a flash point for social commentators whose main exposure to the tale has been flavored by decades of watered-down, romanticized “reinventions,” almost all of which omit large portions of the novel to selectively shape what’s left into a period tearjerker about star-crossed love, often distancing themselves from the raw emotional core of the story by adhering to generic tropes of “gothic romance” and rarely doing justice to the complexity of its characters — or, for that matter, its author’s deeper intentions.

Fennell’s version doesn’t exactly break that pattern; she, too, elides much of the novel’s sprawling plot to focus on the twisted entanglement between Catherine Earnshaw (Margot Robbie), daughter of the now-impoverished master of the titular estate (Martin Clunes), and Heathcliff (Jacob Elordi), a lowborn child of unknown background origin that has been “adopted” by her father as a servant in the household. Both subjected to the whims of the elder Earnshaw’s violent temper, they form a bond of mutual support in childhood which evolves, as they come of age, into something more; yet regardless of her feelings for him, Cathy — whose future status and security are at risk — chooses to marry Edgar Linton (Shazad Latif), the financially secure new owner of a neighboring estate. Heathcliff, devastated by her betrayal, leaves for parts unknown, only to return a few years later with a mysteriously-obtained fortune. Imposing himself into Cathy’s comfortable-but-joyless matrimony, he rekindles their now-forbidden passion and they become entwined in a torrid affair — even as he openly courts Linton’s naive ward Isabella (Alison Oliver) and plots to destroy the entire household from within. One might almost say that these two are the poster couple for the phrase “it’s complicated.” and it’s probably needless to say things don’t go well for anybody involved.

While there is more than enough material in “Wuthering Heights” that might easily be labeled as “problematic” in our contemporary judgments — like the fact that it’s a love story between two childhood friends, essentially raised as siblings, which becomes codependent and poisons every other relationship in their lives — the controversy over Fennell’s version has coalesced less around the content than her casting choices. When the project was announced, she drew criticism over the decision to cast Robbie (who also produced the film) opposite the younger Elordi. In the end, the casting works — though the age gap might be mildly distracting for some, both actors deliver superb performances, and the chemistry they exude soon renders it irrelevant.

Another controversy, however, is less easily dispelled. Though we never learn his true ethnic background, Brontë’s original text describes Heathcliff as having the appearance of “a dark-skinned gipsy” with “black fire” in his eyes; the character has typically been played by distinctly “Anglo” men, and consequently, many modern observers have expressed disappointment (and in some cases, full-blown outrage) over Fennel’s choice to use Elordi instead of putting an actor of color for the part, especially given the contemporary filter which she clearly chose for her interpretation for the novel.

In fact, it’s that modernized perspective — a view of history informed by social criticism, economic politics, feminist insight, and a sexual candor that would have shocked the prim Victorian readers of Brontë’s novel — that turns Fennell’s visually striking adaptation into more than just a comfortably romanticized period costume drama. From her very opening scene — a public hanging in the village where the death throes of the dangling body elicit lurid glee from the eagerly-gathered crowd — she makes it oppressively clear that the 18th-century was not a pleasant time to live; the brutality of the era is a primal force in her vision of the story, from the harrowing abuse that forges its lovers’ codependent bond, to the rigidly maintained class structure that compels even those in the higher echelons — especially women — into a kind of slavery to the system, to the inequities that fuel disloyalty among the vulnerable simply to preserve their own tenuous place in the hierarchy. It’s a battle for survival, if not of the fittest then of the most ruthless.

At the same time, she applies a distinctly 21st-century attitude of “sex-positivity” to evoke the appeal of carnality, not just for its own sake but as a taste of freedom; she even uses it to reframe Heathcliff’s cruel torment of Isabella by implying a consensual dom/sub relationship between them, offering a fragment of agency to a character typically relegated to the role of victim. Most crucially, of course, it permits Fennell to openly depict the sexuality of Cathy and Heathcliff as an experience of transgressive joy — albeit a tormented one — made perhaps even more irresistible (for them and for us) by the sense of rebellion that comes along with it.

Finally, while this “Wuthering Heights” may not have been the one to finally allow Heathcliff’s ambiguous racial identity to come to the forefront, Fennell does employ some “color-blind” casting — Latif is mixed-race (white and Pakistani) and Hong Chau, understated but profound in the crucial role of Nelly, Cathy’s longtime “paid companion,” is of Vietnamese descent — to illuminate the added pressures of being an “other” in a world weighted in favor of sameness.

Does all this contemporary hindsight into the fabric of Brontë’s epic novel make for a quintessential “Wuthering Heights?” Even allowing that such a thing were possible, probably not. While it presents a stylishly crafted and thrillingly cinematic take on this complex classic, richly enhanced by a superb and adventurous cast, it’s not likely to satisfy anyone looking for a faithful rendition, nor does it reveal a new angle from which the “romance” at its center looks anything other than toxic — indeed, it almost fetishizes the dysfunction. Even without the thorny debate around Heathcliff’s racial identity, there’s plenty here to prompt purists and revisionists alike to find fault with Fennell’s approach.

Yet for those looking for a new window into to this perennial classic, and who are comfortable with the radical flourish for which Fennell is already known, it’s an engrossing and intellectually stimulating exploration of this iconic story in a way that exchanges comfortable familiarity for unpredictable chaos — and for cinema fans, that’s more than enough reason to give “Wuthering Heights” a chance.

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