Arts & Entertainment
The delights of being different
Two new parenting books explore the gay dynamic in families
‘Far From the Tree’ explores how parents can celebrate the differences between themselves and their children. (Photo courtesy Penguin Group)
Most parents love their children, yet accepting and being supportive of offspring who differ from you is one of life’s toughest challenges.
Two provocative and moving new books about parenting, difference and identity are just out: “Far From the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity” by Andrew Solomon and “Oddly Normal: One Family’s Struggle to Help Their Teenage Son Come to Terms with His Sexuality” by John Schwartz.
Solomon, with his husband John is a parent, and Schwartz, who is straight, is the father of a 16-year-old gay son Joseph. The Blade talked with Schwartz by phone and interviewed Solomon before he spoke on Nov. 16 at Politics & Prose in Washington.
Schwartz, a national correspondent with The New York Times, and his wife Jeanne knew early on that their son Joseph was different from his older brother Sam. Joseph wanted nothing to do with Sam’s trucks. “Joe went for the dolls,” Schwartz writes. “As Jeanne recalled it, ‘Barbie never looked so fabulous.’”
As time went on, John and Jeanne Schwartz felt it likely that Joseph was gay. John and Jeanne Schwartz, who’d met in 1975 at age 18 at the University of Texas in Austin, were fine with Joseph’s sexual orientation.
“We were comfortable with Joseph being gay,” John Schwartz says. “We wanted to support him.”
Schwartz was happy when Joseph, then in the seventh grade, came out while they were eating sushi at dinner one night. Then, just as things seemed to be going well, there was trouble. Though he received support at home, the school wasn’t supportive of gay students, Schwartz says.
“Joseph is a quirky guy,” he says. “But the school put labels on him — from Asperger syndrome to depression. It wouldn’t acknowledge that being gay was a key way in which Joseph was different. We wanted the school to see Joe as a whole person. The schools in the New Jersey town where he lives are good. We’re happy with the teaching. But if these schools are good, what’s going on in other parts of the country?”
Angry at the way in which the boys talked about girls, Joseph taunted them. After the boys told the guidance counselor that Joseph’s taunts had made them uncomfortable, Joseph took an overdoes of pills. After hospitilization and months of therapy, Joseph recovered from his depression. Today, Joseph is involved in theater and other activities and finds support in his gay peers. His children’s story “Leo, The Oddly Normal Boy” is a touching ending to “Oddly Normal.”
“I thought parents were the obvious audience for the book,” Schwartz says, “but it’s had a delightful resonance. A 72-year-old man e-mailed me that he’d just come out and told his wife that he’s gay.”
Being normal only gets you so far, Schwartz says. “The things that make you different … are the things that make you interesting.”
Solomon, 49, knew he was different even before he could conceptualize his sexuality. He was unpopular at school because he was so unlike the other boys.
“I never traded a baseball card, but I did recount the plots of operas on the school bus,” he writes.
Today, Solomon and his husband John and their children, are a loving family. John biologically fathered two children for some lesbian friends in Minneapolis while Solomon has a 5-year-old daughter with a friend he knew in college and a son who lives with them full time they had with a surrogate.
Solomon used to worry that it would be difficult for children born into such a different type of household.
“But people are born into households with parents who are cruel or born into terrible poverty. Or they’re born into a whole variety of other challenges,” Solomon said, “I would like to think…that our household is one in which there is a great deal of love and that it will carry the day.”
“Far from the Tree” is a provocative study of difference and identity as well as an argument for acceptance of diversity. Solomon interviewed about 300 families who have raised offspring with differences from themselves. These parents had children who were deaf, dwarfs, autistic, schizophrenic, transgender, prodigies, had Down syndrome, were conceived in rape or became criminals.
There are vertical identities such as ethnicity, nationality or religiosity that are passed on from parents to their children, Solomon says. But there are horizontal identities such as being trans, gay or deaf that are usually not passed on from generation to generation, he says.
“Many parents will love children with horizontal identities, but they’ll have trouble accepting them,” Solomon says. “The tension between love and acceptance can be terrible.”
“Far From the Tree” grew out of an article he wrote in 1994 for the New York Times magazine on deaf culture. “When I began meeting deaf people, I was astonished by what a vital culture it was,” Solomon says. “I discovered that most deaf children were born to hearing parents, and that they frequently didn’t discover deaf culture until their adolescence.”
Solomon felt a connection between their stories and his story.
“As a gay person, it took me a long time to find my culture and all of it seemed so resonant,” he says.
Bars & Parties
Impulse Group DC to host fundraiser
Giving Tuesday and Happy Hour held at Thurst Lounge
Impulse Group DC, a local advocacy organization, will host “Giving Tuesday and Happy Hour” on Tuesday, Dec. 2 at 6 p.m. at Thurst Lounge.
This event is a special happy hour fundraiser filled with good vibes, great food, and community connection. DJ Obie will be on deck keeping the energy high while you enjoy tacos, cocktails, and the kind of atmosphere only Thurst can deliver.
A portion of every signature cocktail sold goes directly toward supporting Impulse Group D.C.’s work in sexual health, mental health, harm reduction, and social justice for the D.C. community.
Admission is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.
Friday, November 28
“Center Aging Friday Tea Time” will be at 12 p.m. in person at the DC Center for the LGBT Community’s new location at 1827 Wiltberger St., N.W. To RSVP, visit the DC Center’s website or email [email protected].
Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Community Happy Hour” at 7 p.m. at Dupont Italian Kitchen Bar. This event is ideal for making new friends, professional networking, idea-sharing, and community building. This event is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.
Saturday, November 29
Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Community Brunch” at 12 p.m. at Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant. This fun weekly event brings the DMV area LGBTQ+ community, including allies, together for delicious food and conversation. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.
Sunday, November 30
Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Coffee and Conversation” at 12 p.m. at As You Are. Guests are encouraged to come and enjoy stimulating conversation. For more details, visit Eventbrite.
Monday, December 1
“Center Aging: Monday Coffee Klatch” will be at 10 a.m. on Zoom. This is a social hour for older LGBTQ adults. Guests are encouraged to bring a beverage of choice. For more information, contact Adam ([email protected]).
“Soulfully Queer: LGBTQ+ Emotional Health and Spirituality Drop-In” will be at 3 p.m. at the DC Center for the LGBT Community. This group will meet weekly for eight weeks, providing a series of drop-in sessions designed to offer a safe, welcoming space for open and respectful conversation. Each session invites participants to explore themes of spirituality, identity, and belonging at their own pace, whether they attend regularly or drop in occasionally. For more details visit the DC Center’s website.
Tuesday, December 2
Universal Pride Meeting will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This group seeks to support, educate, empower, and create change for people with disabilities. Email [email protected] with any questions.
Friends of Dorothy Cafe will host “Choose Our Blend” at 6 p.m. at Stardust Vintage & Gift. Guests are encouraged to come sip, sample, and vote on a lineup of custom coffee blends from Rustic Route Coffee Co., a DMV-based queer-owned roaster. Guests’ votes will help Rustic Route choose the café’s official signature roast. Event organizers will take donations, and more details are available on Eventbrite.
Wednesday, December 3
Job Club will be at 6 p.m. on Zoom. This is a weekly job support program to help job entrants and seekers, including the long-term unemployed, improve self-confidence, motivation, resilience and productivity for effective job searches and networking — allowing participants to move away from being merely “applicants” toward being “candidates.” For more information, email [email protected] or visit www.thedccenter.org/careers.
Center Aging Women’s Social Discussion Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This group is a place where older LGBTQ women can meet and socialize with one another. There will be discussion, activities, and a chance for guests to share what they want future events to include. For more details, email [email protected].
Thursday, December 4
The DC Center’s Fresh Produce Program will be held all day at the DC Center for the LGBT Community. People will be informed on Wednesday at 5 p.m. if they are picked to receive a produce box. No proof of residency or income is required. For more information, email [email protected] or call 202-682-2245.
Virtual Yoga Class will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a free weekly class focusing on yoga, breathwork, and meditation. For more details, visit the DC Center for the LGBT Community’s website.
API Queer Support Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a support group for the Asian and Pacific Islander Queer Community. For more details, email [email protected].
Theater
D.C. theater scene has something for everyone this holiday season
‘Nutcracker,’ ‘A Christmas Carol,’ and much more
With its familiar music, yuletide imagery, and storytelling, theater can be a big part of the holidays. Add to that making memories and theater tickets wrapped as presents under the tree, and it’s a seasonal no brainer.
Folger Theatre presents “Resplendent Joy: Christmas Traditions from Spain and Portugal” (Dec. 5-14); the marvelous Folger Consort will perform early Spanish Christmas carols and traditional holiday music from early modern Spain and Portugal: folger.edu/resplendent
At Round House Theatre, playwright Sam Holcroft’s “Rules for Living” (Dec. 3-Jan. 4) makes its U.S. premiere. The darkly funny holiday comedy was a hit in London and is now hoping to repeat that success with a version tailored for the states. The seven-person cast includes versatile actors Naomi Jacobson and real-life spouse John Lescault. Ryan Rillette directs. roundhousetheatre.org
Theatre J presents “Chanukah in the Dark” (Dec. 6-21), an hour-long play ideal for ages five and up. “When the lights go out during Chanukah, Max and family begin sharing songs, stories, and traditions — only to discover the lights they needed and the miracles they searched for were in their midst all along.” edcjcc.org
The Cathedral Choral Society’s “Joy of Christmas” (Dec. 13-14) presents a wonderful program of carols and beloved holiday favorites at the festively decorated National Cathedral. The program features Seraph Brass, organist Edward Hewes, Carillonneur Edward M. Nassor, percussionist Mary La Blanc of “The President’s Own” U.S. Marine Band, and the Eastern Concert Choir from Eastern Senior High School. Cathedralchoralsociety.org
With “The Holiday Show,” (Dec. 13, 14, and 20), the Gay Men’s Chorus returns to entertain audiences with its annual and most popular show.
This year the holiday extravaganza is bigger than ever at historic Lincoln Theatre with new, soulful arrangements of favorite holiday carols: “The reindeer will be high-kicking and the snowflakes will sparkle. Songs include “O Holy Night,” “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer,” “Let It Snow,” “We Wish You the Merriest,” and “Go Tell It on the Mountain.’” gmcw.org
At Olney’s intimate Mulitz-Gudelsky Theatre Lab, out actor Michael Russotto is back for the holiday season in his solo show “Christmas Carol: A Ghost Story of Christmas” (through Dec. 28). The talented Russotto portrays nearly 50 different characters from the Charles Dickens classic, that proves “funnier and far more relevant than you might imagine.” Olneytheatre.org
Also on holiday offer in the DMV are a jolly bunch of musical chestnuts as well as reliable Christmas crowd-pleasers.
Included on the roster is Olney Theatre’s production of Jerry Herman’s “Hello, Dolly!” (through Jan. 4) starring the mega-talented Nova Y. Payton. Based on the play “The Matchmaker” by famed gay playwright Thornton Wilder, the musical has proved a vehicle for many a diva including Carol Channing, Pearl Bailey, Bette Midler, and Barbra Streisand. Now Payton dons the mantle and the buzz is good.
Another beloved musical is “Fiddler on the Roof” (through Jan. 25), the story of Tevye, a poor Jewish milkman, his family and their tight-knit community who honor tradition while contending with pogroms in Czarist Russia. Currently being performed intimately in the round at Signature Theatre in Arlington and directed by Joe Calarco, the large cast features actors Douglas Sills, Chrisopher Bloch, and terrific out actor Jake Loewenthal as the poor tailor Motel Kamzoil, all singing Broadway favorites like “Sunrise, Sunset” “If I Were a Rich Man” and “Matchmaker.” sigtheatre.org
At Shakespeare Theatre Company’s Harman Hall is Frank Loesser’s “Guys and Dolls” (through Jan. 4). Based on tales from famed American journalist Damon Runyon, the show focuses on two overlapping love stories set in Depression-era Times Square. The terrific score includes songs like “Luck Be a Lady,” “Sit Down, You’re Rockin’ the Boat,” “A Bushel and a Peck,” and more songs you’ll know. Directed by Francesca Zambello and choreographed by Joshua Bergasse.
The cast includes Julie Benko, Lamont Brown, and Holly Twyford as General Matilda B. Cartwright, which is reason enough to buy a ticket. shakespearetheatre.org
And for hardcore traditionalists there’s the Washington Ballet’s “The Nutcracker” (through Dec. 29) with its balletic magic at the charming gilded Warner Theatre. The beloved production of Tchaikovsky’s ballet, here set in 1882 Georgetown, features a retinue of agile partiers, children, soldiers, rats, and notable figures from American history. washingtonballet.org
And last but hardly least, historic Ford’s Theatre presents “A Christmas Carol” (through Dec. 31), an enduring Washington tradition since I was youngish. Conceived by Michael Baron, this charming Dickens’ moneymaker again spotlights Craig Wallace as miserly Ebenezer Scrooge who after a night of ghostly visits, rediscovers Christmas joy. Fords.org
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