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New book ‘America’s War on Same-Sex Couples’ explores rocky road to equality

Daniel R. Pinello interviewed 325 people in 175 same-sex relationships

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Pinello, gay news, Washington Blade

Daniel R. Pinello, a political science professor at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice of the City University of New York, says he was surprised to find how unaware many of the same-sex couples he interviewed were of basic legal issues that could affect them. (Photo by Arpi Pap; courtesy Pinello)

For his new book, author and professor Daniel R. Pinello interviewed 325 people in 175 same-sex relationships in Georgia, Michigan, North Carolina, Ohio, Texas and Wisconsin for empirical background to carefully trace the unfolding of marriage laws and have plenty of real-world examples to demonstrate its effects.

The result is the new book ā€œAmericaā€™s War on Same-Sex Couples and Their Families (and How the Courts Rescued Them),ā€ a dense-yet-readable work from Cambridge University Press that was released this fall and called ā€œmeticulously researched and artfully writtenā€ by Charles Anthony Smith of the University of California, Irvine.

The 330-page book ($34.99) is heavily devoted to the implementation and effects of ā€œSuper-DOMAs,ā€ (amendments to state constitutions passed in 20 states from 2000-2012 that banned recognition of all forms of relationships rights for same-sex couples) and explains their far-ranging impact in a variety of ways. The book culminates with the intervention of the Supreme Court with the Obergefell v. Hodges ruling in 2015 that made same-sex marriage legal in the U.S.

Pinello says the months he spent interviewing the couples provided several eye-opening experiences.

ā€œMany were unaware of how these laws might adversely affect them,ā€ Pinello, who teaches political science at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice of the City University of New York, says. ā€œThey didnā€™t appreciate that they wouldnā€™t automatically be ushered in at the emergency room of a hospital with their partner or that they wouldnā€™t have joint survivorship and inheritance for a deceased partner automatically. So some of the process was educational.ā€

Another surprise was the relatively common phenomenon of what Pinello calls ā€œthe bubble effect,ā€ where same-sex couples living in places like Ann Arbor, Mich., or Raleigh-Durham, N.C., are highly aware of living in ā€œa blue dot in a red oasis,ā€ he says.

ā€œAs long as they remain within the confines of Atlanta, or whatever the metro area might be, they were safe, but they dare not go outside, because they never know what might befall them there,ā€ he says. ā€œThere was this sense of being confined in terms of geographic options of where to live and places to go.ā€

Pinello says he worked hard to make the book both academic but readable and admits some of his earlier books got bogged down in tables, numbers and footnotes.

ā€œI wanted this book to be one primarily of narrative,ā€ he says. ā€œAccessible stories that made aware the horrible and horrendous impact of these evil constitutional regimes.ā€

Pinello is gay and lives with his husband, Lee Nissensohn, in Long Island. He commutes into Manhattan to teach. He came out in 1971 and says the backlash weā€™re seeing now on same-sex marriage shouldnā€™t be a surprise.

ā€œIn the matter of a dozen years or so, we went from one extreme to the other,ā€ he says. ā€œFrom 2013-2015 so many barriers came down, it was mind boggling. ā€¦ It was also serendipitous that so many of these interviews occurred just before these rulings. The couples I spoke to had no reliable hope that someone out there was going to rescue them in their lifetimes.ā€

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Books

Fall books offer something for every taste

Hollinghurstā€™s latest plus a look at Queer Harlem Renaissance

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('Flamboyants' book cover image courtesy Farrar, Straus and Giroux)

Welcome to the fall book season, where you’ll find gifts for your friends, family and (most importantly?) the best reads for yourself. This is when you’ll find the blockbuster novels you’ve been waiting for, the surprise memoirs and nonfiction that you’ve wanted, and gorgeous gift books your coffee table. This fall, keep your eyes open for all kinds of literary goodness.

NOVELS

Lovers of a good novel will want to curl up with a huge TBR pile.

Romance novels will fill the shelves this fall, and if love is what you want for the holidays, you’re in luck. Look for “The Rules of Royalty” by Cale Dietrich (Wednesday Books, December), a modern tale of a prince and a “commoner”; or “Feast While You Can” by Mikealla Clements and Onjuli Datta (Grand Central Publishing), a scary-romance-erotica novel of small-town life and monsters.

Reach for “Our Evenings: A Novel” by Alan Hollinghurst (Random House, October), a novel of a young man who happily accepts a scholarship to a boarding school filled with classmates who are much, much wealthier than he is. “The Wildes: A Novel in Five Acts” by Louis Bayard (Algonquin Books, September) is a historical novel about Oscar Wilde’s family.

For lovers of Gothic tales, look for “The Resurrectionist” by A. Rae Dunlap (Kensington, December), a tale of bodysnatching. Classics lovers will want to read “Private Rites: A Novel” by Julia Armfield (Flatiron Books, December), a queer reimagining of King Lear.  Or find “Women’s Hotel” by Daniel M. Lavery (HarperVia, October), a book about a second-rate women-only hotel in New York City.

If your taste runs more to rom-coms, there are dozens of those available this fall, too, as well as Christmas novels with gay, lesbian, and trans characters inside.

NONFICTION

Even nonfiction readers will have reason to read this fall and winter.

Look for “Flamboyants: The Queer Harlem Renaissance I Wish I’d Known” by George M. Johnson and Charly Palmer (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, September), a book about 1920s Harlem and the influential queer folks who left their marks on entertainment.

“Something, Not Nothing” by Sarah Leavitt (Arsenal Pulp Press, September) chronicles, in comic form, the death of Leavitt’s partner and the paths grief takes to healing. Learn more about LGBTQ history with “The Book of Awesome Queer Heroes: How the LGBTQ+ Community Changed the World for the Better” by Eric Rosswood and Kathleen Archambeau (Mango, December); check out Mary L. Trump’s heartbreaking memoir, “Who Could Ever Love You?” (St. Martin’s Press, September); or check out a collection of essays in “Songs On Endless Repeat: Essays and Outtakes” by Anthony Veasna So (Ecco, December). Look for “Want: Sexual Fantasies by Anonymous,” an anthology of secret confessions from women around the country, by Gillian Anderson (Abrams Press, September), or find “Queer Disability through History: The Queer and Disabled Movements Through Their Personalities” by Daisy Holder (Pen and Sword History, November). Also: Cher has a new biography out this fall, “The Memoir, Part One” (Dey Street Books, November).

Not quite what you’re looking for? Check with your favorite bookseller or librarian for more ideas because, this fall, they’ll have lots of them. Or give a gift certificate and hold on for spring. Season’s readings!

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Books

Two books to read when your child comes out as trans

Explaining what science knows about genetics and sexuality

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ā€˜Free to Be: Understanding Kids & Gender Identityā€™
By Jack Turban, MD
c.2024, Atria
$29.99/304 pages

ā€˜My Child is Trans, Now What?ā€™
By Ben V. Greene
c.2024, Rowman & Littlefield
$26.95/203 pages

Your child has recently told you a secret that they can’t hold tight anymore.

You’ve suspected what they’re about to say for a long time. When they were small, they weren’t like other children. They may have even told you what they were thinking, even before they knew it themselves. But now you know, for sure, and so, going forward, you’re the loving parent of a child who’s trans, and thereā€™s a learning curve.

These two books might help.

Surely, you must think that there has to be some science behind gender and identity, right? In “Free to Be: Understanding Kids & Gender Identity” by Jack Turban, MD (Atria, $29.99), you’ll follow the lives and struggles of three trans and gender diverse kids, Kyle, Sam, and Meredith, as Turban explains what science knows about genetics and sexuality.

To gain a basic understanding of the subject, says Turban, we need to look back in history to see how gender identity was perceived in the past and the attitudes that our ancestors held. He then touches upon language and “misnaming,” how social constructs attempt to set a child’s gender identity before it’s fully known, and why mothers often catch “blame” for something that’s never anyone’s “fault.” Further information on biology, puberty blockers, gender reassignment surgery for young trans people, and the “politics” of gender diversity round out this book nicely.

For the parent who wants a deeper dive into what makes their child tick and what they can do to make that kid’s life easier, this compassionate book is the one to read.

If you’re just finding out that your child is trans, then “My Child is Trans, Now What?” by Ben V. Greene (Rowman & Littlefield, $26.95) is a book to reach for now.

Beginning with the things you’ll want to know and understand immediately, this book is assuring and soothing ā€“ look, and you’ll see the word “joy” in its subtitle. Greene calls trans kids “VIPs,” and he means it, which sets a relaxing tone for what’s to come here.

In sharing his own experiences, Greene stresses that every trans experience is different, and he touches often upon his coming out. This launches discussions on topics like bathrooms, therapy (if you or your VIP want it), finding support, the politics of being trans, the stressors of medical treatment, and what it might be like to have even brief regrets. Greene finishes his book with advice on getting an education and living as a trans person.

“My Child is Trans, Now What?” is truly more of a book for parents and loved ones of trans teens or young adults. What’s in here goes well beyond childhood, so be aware before you reach for it on the shelf. And if these books aren’t enough, or don’t quite fit what you need, be sure to ask your favorite bookseller or librarian for more. In recent years, more and more authors have been willing to share their own journeys, making the transition one that doesn’t have to be so secret anymore.

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Books

New book looks at life inside Nigerian seminary

Navigating a tough life amid abusive clergy

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(Book cover image courtesy of Doubleday)

ā€˜Blessingsā€™
By Chukwuebuka Ibeh
c.2024, Doubleday
$28/288 pages

Sometimes you just need to step back a minute.

You need time to regroup, to think things through, and a scenery change is the place to do it. Get past your current position, and situations can become clearer somehow. Thoughts can be reorganized. Problems pivot. As in the new novel “Blessings” by Chukwuebuka Ibeh, you’ll have a different perspective.

Obiefuna didn’t say much on the road to the seminary.

What was there to say? His father had caught him in a too-cozy situation with a young man who’d been taken in as an apprentice and for that, Obiefuna was being sent away. Away from his mother, his younger brother, Ekene, and from the young man that 15-year-old Obiefuna was in love with.

Life in seminary was bad ā€“ Obiefuna was always on alert for Seniors, who were said to be abusive because abuse was allowed, even encouraged ā€“ but things weren’t as bad as he thought they might be. He made friends and good grades but he missed his mother. Did she suspect he was gay? Obiefuna wanted to tell her, but he hid who he was.

Mostly, he kept to himself until he caught the eye of Senior Papilo, who was said to be the cruelest of the cruel. Amazingly, though, Senior Papilo became Obiefuna’s protector, letting Obiefuna stay in his bed, paying for Obi’s first experience with a woman, making sure Obiefuna had better food. Maybe Obiefuna loved Senior Papilo but Senior had other boys, which made Obi work twice as hard to be his favorite. Still, he hid.

And then Senior Papilo passed his final exams and moved on.

So, eventually, did Obiefuna. Sure, there were other boys ā€“ one who almost got him expelled, a chaplain who begged forgiveness, and there was even a girl once ā€“ but Obi grew up and fully embraced his truth: All he wanted was to be accepted for himself, to be loved.

As Nigeria moved toward making same-sex marriage illegal, though, neither one looked likely.

So here’s the puzzle: the story inside “Blessings” is interesting. Obiefuna is a great character who takes what happens with quiet compliance, as if he long ago relinquished hope that he could ever control his own life. Instead, he passively lets those who surround him take the reins and though reasons for this are not clearly stated and it’s uncomfortable, it’s easy to grasp and accept why. This goes, too, for the Seniors whose actions readers will tacitly understand.

What’s not easy to accept is that author Chukwuebuka Ibeh’s story often slows to a glacial pace, with great chunks of the bookā€™s multi-year timeline crunched into basically only highlights. You’ll be left loving this story but hating its stride.

The best advice is to embrace this moving novel’s message and accept the slowness, love the excellent characters, but don’t be surprised if you find yourself checking to see how many pages you have left to crawl through. Yes, you’ll enjoy the soul-touching cast in “Blessings” but if speed in a plot supersedes good characters, then step back.

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