a&e features
Most Eligible Singles 2020
Meet LGBTQ locals with interesting stories
This is the sixth annual Washington Blade Most Eligible LGBT Singles issue. It began with reader nominations. From that list of about 200, our staff chose the 20 most eligible with an eye for locals with interesting stories, those doing compelling work and yes, those who are easy on the eye! Meet them in person Friday night at Duplex Diner (2004 18th St., N.W.) at 6 p.m. Details can be found HERE.
VOTE FOR WHICH SINGLE SHOULD WIN A FREE DATE NIGHT HERE!
NAME: Fotios Stravoravdis
AGE: 26
OCCUPATION: consultant
IDENTIFY AS: gay
LOOKING FOR: Compassion, kindness, weird sense of humor and ambition. Having a purpose in life, driven by a goal that is bigger than his ego and respect for other people.
BIGGEST TURN OFF: arrogance and bad hygiene
BIGGEST TURN ON: A smile that can reflects someone’s soul. Also taking care of their body. Our body is the temple of our spirit.
HOBBIES: Is napping a hobby? When not napping, I spend my free time working out, reading, traveling or going to the theater. Musicals for the win!
IDEAL FIRST DATE: A date that goes so wrong it is actually so great.
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? I am kid myself. What a responsibility this could be! Eventually, I’d like to have a daughter and a son. Imagine all these make up tutorials we could watch or all those sports we could play together. Make up with my son, sports with my daughter!
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? I’m Greek; we invented the essence of politics, democracy and debating. This means I am open to understanding other people’s political views. However, if someone adopts views that are harmful to the well-being of our society, views that pose threats to the future of younger generations and immigrants and views that deny climate change, then it’s a hard no from me.
CELEB CRUSH: Henry Cavill
OBSCURE FACT: If I name an obscure fact about myself, it won’t be obscure anymore. Yet I’ll say that some people think I am unapproachable, while in fact, I am shy.
NAME: Elise Glynn
AGE: 28
OCCUPATION: IT and digital media
IDENTIFY AS: queer
LOOKING FOR: What I’m looking for in a partner is someone who knows what they want in life and understands the importance of self love. Someone who is free spirited, confident and shows kindness to all people.
BIGGEST TURN OFF: The biggest turnoff for me is someone who doesn’t have any goals or dreams. Someone who doesn’t strive to better themselves.
BIGGEST TURN ON: openness and maturity
HOBBIES: I’m really into rock climbing, longboarding, teas, spirituality, skateboarding, swimming, script writing and photography. I just moved back to D.C. from L.A. and didn’t get as much surf time as I like over there, so I’m looking forward to getting back into it.
IDEAL FIRST DATE: My ideal first date would be to go to the Maryland bay area and go kayaking. Then we can eat some good food on the water and watch the sunset. If the night is still looking good, I can teach you how to ride my pintail longboard.
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? I have two mini dogs. One I had since age 14 and my new addition I had for about a year and a half. I love kids but I’m not planning on having any of my own for now.
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? Yes as long if they are loving and kind to themselves, myself and others. That’s all that matters.
CELEB CRUSH: Cate Blanchett, Lucy Liu and Gugu Mbatha-Raw
OBSCURE FACT: I’m a military veteran. These days, most people would never have thought that I was in the military.
NAME: Gerard Burley
AGE: 36
OCCUPATION: Fitness coach and studio owner
IDENTIFY AS: gay
LOOKING FOR: Someone fun, understanding, caring, responsible, who can take charge, put up with me and put me in my place.
BIGGEST TURN OFF: Mean girls. I hate uppity people who act better than others.
BIGGEST TURN ON: backwards hats
HOBBIES: Love comedy shows and sports, basketball and football are my favs, playing with my dog, eating crab cakes and writing.
IDEAL FIRST DATE:Anywhere I can wear sweatpants. Maybe something basic like a SoulCycle class followed by tacos.
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? I have a dog I love I’m open to more. Kids I’m not sure, let’s see who gets pregnant first.
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? Yeah, but depends how much.
CELEB CRUSH: Channing Tatum
OBSCURE FACT: I used to speak Italian pretty well. Now it’s broken Italian.
NAME: Alex Calambokidis
AGE: 26
OCCUPATION: Program officer, non-profit, supporting democracy and inclusive governance in East Africa.
IDENTIFY AS: queer
LOOKING FOR: Someone who is kind, empathetic, open minded and direct. Also flexibility. Still working out the whole work/life balance thing myself. Opposite of asshole.
BIGGEST TURN OFF: Bad tipper, self-identifies as “gym rat.”
BIGGEST TURN ON: Witty banter, wholesome memes
HOBBIES: Plants, karaoke, playing with other people’s dogs, junglepussy
IDEAL FIRST DATE: Long walks & mimosas to-go (or “to-gosas”). Let’s see where the day takes us.
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? Being a plant mom and dog auntie is enough responsibility for me right now.
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? Small differences? Sure. Challenging one another to think differently can be productive. Big differences? No.
CELEB CRUSH: Zoë Kravitz
OBSCURE FACT: The most obscure thing about myself is probably just the sum of weird situations I have found myself in. This probably falls somewhere on that spectrum.
NAME: Jake Abbott
AGE: 27
OCCUPATION: Press Secretary on Capitol Hill
IDENTIFY AS: gay
LOOKING FOR: I’m always drawn to confidence, kindness, a good sense of humor, and I’ll admit it — a handsome smile. I want a partner in crime who wants to host dinner parties and go on adventures, who is driven and passionate but also doesn’t see the world in black and white. He should want me to be his best friend but not his only friend.
BIGGEST TURN OFF: insecurity, arrogance, intolerance, negativity
BIGGEST TURN ON: wit, drive, curiosity, compassion, self-awareness, great smiles, big arms, beards
HOBBIES: Going to the gym or on a run, grabbing drinks with friends, playing with my roommate’s dog, traveling to new places, checking co-star each day, anything outdoors.
IDEAL FIRST DATE: Grabbing drinks or coffee at a place you like, taking a walk on a nice day or doing something that we both care about.
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? I think I’d like dogs and kids (probably in that order) but it would be a conversation in a few years.
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? Only if I can ask who they voted for in 2016.
CELEB CRUSH: Chris Mazdzer, James McCann, Ryan Reynolds, Tom Hardy, Oprah
OBSCURE FACT: I was an all-conference college football player.
NAME: Peyton Smith
AGE: 27
OCCUPATION: Full-time non-profit work, part-time graduate student at American University.
IDENTIFY AS: queer
LOOKING FOR: must love dancing
BIGGEST TURN OFF: Bad tippers. Always tip 20 percent.
BIGGEST TURN ON: Commits to a costume 100 percent when the occasion arises. And there is always an occasion for a costume.
HOBBIES: I’m on a competitive karaoke team. Also Saints football, WHO DAT!
IDEAL FIRST DATE: Let’s drink a few combos at Red Derby and see where the night takes us.
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? I have a cat named Goose and I’m a slave to her paws.
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? Nope
CELEB CRUSH: St. Vincent. Anyone else watch her 2019 Grammy performance with Dua Lipa over and over again? Just me?
OBSCURE FACT: During Mardi Gras in 2012, Mariska Hargitay told me I was her number one fan, and I’ve been chasing that high ever since.
NAME: Jayme Birgy
AGE: 38. Like actually 38, not 38 for the past seven years in a row.
OCCUPATION: I build stuff people use on the internet and run the D.C. office for Lounge Lizard Worldwide.
IDENTIFY AS: gay
LOOKING FOR: Emotional maturity and communication skills are a must. Good looks and nice things can only carry someone so far.
BIGGEST TURN OFF: Lack of integrity.
BIGGEST TURN ON: A smile and just the right amount of confidence.
HOBBIES: Learning how things work, reading, road trips, boating/kayaking, and strategy games.
IDEAL FIRST DATE: Location and activity don’t really matter as long as the conversation is natural and he doesn’t run away when my nerd shows.
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? Preferably a pack of Golden Retrievers
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? Yes, as long as they don’t have a shrine of Hillary Clinton in their basement.
CELEB CRUSH: Colin Jost (is that weird?) and Michael Strahan
OBSCURE FACT: I can’t read The Onion because I’ll accidentally cite it as fact later on. This is also the reason I don’t lie — it becomes reality.
NAME: Rajiv Desai
AGE: 39
OCCUPATION: vice president – diversity, inclusion and corporate social responsibility.
IDENTIFY AS: gay
LOOKING FOR: Independence. Humor. Mindfulness. Respect for people and our planet.
BIGGEST TURN OFF: Plastic, smoking and disingenuous behavior.
BIGGEST TURN ON: Creativity, curiosity about the world and empathy.
HOBBIES: Baking from scratch with lots of fruit, volunteering in the community, winning with my Dragon Boat Racing team, art, travel and cooking dishes inspired by my travels.
IDEAL FIRST DATE: Flowing conversation, banter and laughter over a coffee/drink (at a non-pretentious, independent establishment).
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? Not a dad (or a pet dad) yet, but open to both.
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? Differing political views are fine. Racist, bigoted, non-inclusive views etc. are not.
CELEB CRUSH: Benedict Cumberbatch and Gael García Bernal
OBSCURE FACT: I’ve met Mother Teresa (while growing up in Calcutta).
NAME: Daniel Muñoz
AGE: 30
OCCUPATION: Advertising professional during the day, computer science student at night, community advocate and member of the League of United Latin American Citizens’ Lambda Chapter and D.C. State Board whenever I can serve.
IDENTIFY AS: Gay
LOOKING FOR: Someone who is a natural optimist and wants to keep growing and bettering themselves and each other. A person who is compassionate and cares about the world around them, having emotional and cultural intelligence. A friend who can laugh at the absurdity in modern living. A partner who is supportive and loving. The ability to be sophisticated and a goofball when appropriate is a big plus.
BIGGEST TURN OFF: Rudeness, bigotry, ignorance and bad tipping.
BIGGEST TURN ON: Kindness, humor, intellectual curiosity and good hygiene.
HOBBIES: Hanging out with friends and family, ’90s video games, gardening, hiking, sailing, tinkering with DIY electronics, conversations on nuanced topics, laughing and cracking stupid jokes, improving foreign language skills and fitness, volunteering, etc.
IDEAL FIRST DATE: The extrovert in me is always down for adventure and trying something new, but it’s completely fine to be low-key and chill on the first date. Visiting a Smithsonian or two and chilling at Kramerbooks is always a good start. From there, it’s up in the air.
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? Kids would be great someday at the right time, but I’d be equally happy mentoring the community’s kids with him/her/them if that doesn’t happen.
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? We could be a good match if your political (translation: personal) values are progressive and rooted in social equity and justice.
CELEB CRUSH: Diane Guerrero and Maluma
OBSCURE FACT: I used to work in television and was part of the larger production team that broadcast golf in the Olympics for the first time in history in 2016.
NAME: Candace Sibley
AGE: 35
OCCUPATION: health scientist
IDENTIFY AS: lesbian
LOOKING FOR: Compassion, honesty, kindness, authenticity, ambition, support, emotionally intelligent, diligent, passionate, confident, to be challenged and consistent.
BIGGEST TURN OFF: cruelty, dishonesty, manipulation and lack of grace
BIGGEST TURN ON: Kindness, loyalty, understanding, conscientiousness, emotional stability and someone who with growth beliefs who thinks that relationships take hard work and that a strong relationship is something that you develop over time.
HOBBIES: reading, dancing, studying fashion, shopping and traveling
IDEAL FIRST DATE: A concert followed by dinner and drinks. This way we have fun dancing with each other and get to know each other over dinner and drinks.
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? No to kids, I do not have pets, but I am interested in getting a dog in the future.
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? No. I need someone who is progressive. My politics are at the core of who I am, so someone with opposite political views wouldn’t work.
CELEB CRUSH: Ava Duvernay and Meg the Stallion
OBSCURE FACT: I’m extremely outgoing when it comes to friendship and fashion, but I’m incredibly shy when it comes to romance. I am a true ambivert, I enjoy being the life of the party at times but I also enjoy a quiet book at home sometimes.
NAME:Russell Roberts
AGE: 53
OCCUPATION: executive assistant
IDENTIFY AS: gay
LOOKING FOR: I’m looking for passion, purpose and principles.
BIGGEST TURN OFF: dishonesty
BIGGEST TURN ON: humor, honesty and humility
HOBBIES: art, culture and exercise
IDEAL FIRST DATE: Anything creative and outside the box or something ridiculously simple and satisfying.
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? yes
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? no
CELEB CRUSH: Jason Mamoa/Idris Elba/Daniel Craig
OBSCURE FACT: I’m a closet karaoke junkie.
NAME: Brittany Rheault
AGE: 35
OCCUPATION: Senior Director of Sports at DC Fray
IDENTIFY AS: Lesbian
LOOKING FOR: I mean who just doesn’t want the perfect mate? Someone who listens but can also dance. I need someone not afraid of the jam but can also get down about their feels on “Love Island UK.” I think it’s important to have a transparent partner that values communication, dogs and family.
BIGGEST TURN OFF: Smell of detergent. Keep it simple, keep it clean.
BIGGEST TURN ON: BDE, also blue eyes and a girl who can dance. I’m ready for the DMs: @theofficialb.ro.
HOBBIES: Oh girl, what don’t I like? Boston sports for life so come through if you love the Pats and the Sox. My pups, because how could you not love my doodles? I’m mad for my friends and celebrating all the good things.
IDEAL FIRST DATE: You like the Nats? Well it’s that. Picture this — us in left field behind Soto cheering as he catches an attempted homerun. Nick gives us a brew. Truly if you need bc I make friends with the best and we watch Zimmmmm just nail it! And then we caught on the simba cam. lol
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? PETS!!! My babes are Wally and Kennedy.
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? I’m open-minded as long as you’re a good person.
CELEB CRUSH: Demi Lovato or Betty Who, but also we appreciate Katy Perry.
OBSCURE FACT: I’m a fiercely loyal friend who will do anything for the ones I love.
NAME: Rachel Pike
AGE: 34
OCCUPATION: life coach/bartender/security guru/trainer
IDENTIFY AS: queer, she/her/Daddy
LOOKING FOR: I think the list of what I’m not looking for is shorter. I want partnership, friendship, passion, laughter, respect and unconditional love. I want to see and be seen. Basically if it’s not magic, I’m OK on my own.
BIGGEST TURN OFF: I’ve been an athlete my whole life, but haven’t ever really subscribed to a competitive nature, per se. While I love to play and even enjoy the trash talking, a super competitive human doesn’t really do it for me. I love a challenge but don’t get into someone who frequently feels the need to one up people.
BIGGEST TURN ON: This isn’t difficult for me, and it’s highly situational. When someone truly knows and loves herself, I think it shines through. I’m turned on by confidence that doesn’t turn to disrespect, honesty that doesn’t become cruel. Kindness and the ability to be awed, find beauty in the small things. Also, it’s incredibly sexy when someone can flirt with only her eyes.
HOBBIES: I love motion, as often as possible. Any sports (basketball in particular), or sports-related activity is great for me. A true contradiction, I’m also really in to stillness. A good book, journaling opportunity, movie or divey space with a great beer.
IDEAL FIRST DATE: Again, situational. I think it’s unfortunate that as a masculine-presenting person, I’m often expected to plan dates. This isn’t to say I don’t love this. I’m actually great at it! However, I think someone taking me to something/someplace they are really excited about is an excellent way to get to know them.
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? I’ve got both. Two perfect mutts and an even more perfect 15-year-old. I’d love to think that more of both are in my future.
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? That depends on how they differ. I’m entirely aware of the responsibility that comes along with my privilege and I live that in every aspect of my life. We cannot disagree on fighting oppression.
CELEB CRUSH: I think real crushes happen when you know someone as a person, and I don’t have celebrities who I know that well. That said, I will watch anything starring Viola Davis or made by Shonda Rhimes. I adore the fire on the court of Arielle Powers and how playful/political Natasha Cloud is.
OBSCURE FACT: I’m an open book, so I don’t know that I have obscure facts. I juggle well. There’s rarely a tree I won’t climb. I am incredibly attached to a T-shirt from my childhood team and wore it under all my jerseys; I still wear it when the Mystics play.
NAME: JB Bridgeman
AGE: 30
OCCUPATION: non-profit administrator
IDENTIFY AS: gay
LOOKING FOR: Someone who is confident in who they are as their own person and knows that a relationship isn’t about “completing” each other, but complementing one another.
BIGGEST TURN OFF: When someone is impatient, especially with folks in the service industry. Also bad breath.
BIGGEST TURN ON: When someone can make me laugh and isn’t afraid to look silly. Also a strong beard game.
HOBBIES: Playing rugby with the Washington Scandals, traveling, going to Caps games, running a Drag Race fantasy league and going to the movies.
IDEAL FIRST DATE: Grabbing a couple of boots at Dacha and getting to know each other while we split a giant pretzel.
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? I have a cat named Marnie. She’s an adorable handful.
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? If we’re talking minor differences, yes. Major ideological differences are another conversation.
CELEB CRUSH: Oscar Isaac
OBSCURE FACT: I was my high school’s mascot.
NAME: Olga Martinsone
AGE: 34
OCCUPATION: tennis pro
IDENTIFY AS: gay female
LOOKING FOR: honesty, empathy, sense of humor, team player
BIGGEST TURN OFF: dishonesty
BIGGEST TURN ON: ability to cook
HOBBIES: playing tennis, walking in the city and trading stocks
IDEAL FIRST DATE: dinner then a comedy club
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? have none but wants kids
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? yes
CELEB CRUSH: Blake Lively
OBSCURE FACT: I eat orange peels
NAME:Chris Kuchnicki
AGE: 40
OCCUPATION: real estate agent
IDENTIFY AS: gay
LOOKING FOR: Someone who is compassionate, caring, but also has ambition and drive.
BIGGEST TURN OFF: Someone who is rude to wait/service staff.
BIGGEST TURN ON: confidence and ambition.
HOBBIES: fitness, travel, an occasional fun night out and design. I’m also member of the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington.
IDEAL FIRST DATE: A few drinks and then maybe a show/movie/dinner. Hiking in warmer weather!
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? Neither, but I love dogs and am open to kids.
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? It depends on where our moral compass lies within those views.
CELEB CRUSH: Channing Tatum
OBSCURE FACT: I’m related to Neal Armstrong.
NAME: Rebecca Kling
AGE: 35
OCCUPATION: educator, community organizer, storyteller, advocate for change
IDENTIFY AS: Queer, a woman, trans, storyteller, culturally Jewish, progressive, troublemaker and much more.
LOOKING FOR: Someone who will laugh at my stupid jokes, make me laugh and call me on my bullshit. Someone who is passionate about SOMETHING — could be immigration policy, or marine biology, or 15th century literature, but my mate needs to be excited and passionate about something in the world that moves them.
BIGGEST TURN OFF: Inability to admit they’re wrong.
BIGGEST TURN ON: confidence
HOBBIES: Playing piano (mostly show tunes and folk music), reading sci fi, biking, Instagramming pictures of my cats.
IDEAL FIRST DATE:My ideal first date is going to a museum or gallery and coming up with arbitrary rules or a silly game for how we go through. Maybe we need to make up a rhyme for our favorite exhibit. Maybe we analyze each painting as if it we secretly hate it, but it was drawn by our best friend’s kid and they’re super proud. Maybe we’re on a scavenger hunt for whatever has the most red. Anything, as long as it’s fun.
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? Definitely yes to pets, pretty sure yes to kids, too.
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? Depends on how much they differ. I’d be open to dating someone who, y’know, doesn’t think we should put tax money toward space exploration. (They’d be wrong, but we’d make it work somehow.) On the other hand, I could never date someone who wants to defund public schools or supports ICE breaking up families at the border.
CELEB CRUSH: Samira Wiley
OBSCURE FACT: I once worked at a circus camp and still know how to juggle.
NAME: Charlotte Clymer
AGE: 33
OCCUPATION: press secretary, Human Rights Campaign
IDENTIFY AS: Proud trans woman and lesbian.
LOOKING FOR: I’m looking for someone who can make me laugh a lot and knows how to mix a French 75.
BIGGEST TURN OFF: Ironic detachment. Not feeling it. Put a stake in the ground and be vulnerable enough to care about things.
BIGGEST TURN ON: Oxford commas
HOBBIES: Road trips. Karaoke. Late stage capitalism.
IDEAL FIRST DATE: I’m a simple girl. Ice cream followed by a great show and then drinks and conversation.
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? Any and all welcome.
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? If you’re conservative, we’re not gonna be right for each other. If you’re some flavor of progressive, let’s talk!
CELEB CRUSH: Kermit the Frog
OBSCURE FACT: I’m a world-renowned expert in underwater basket weaving.
NAME:Faith Mitchell
AGE: 24
OCCUPATION: HIV/STI Prevention Program Coordinator
IDENTIFY AS: gay
LOOKING FOR: Essentially someone who is fun/funny, shows love through actions and is honest and supportive. I love to go out and am very active in community, so I would need someone willing to do things with me. My top love languages are quality time and acts of service so I appreciate when someone can show me love in those ways and am willing to give the same energy I ask for in return.
BIGGEST TURN OFF: Constant rudeness or negativity and inconsistency
BIGGEST TURN ON: Pretty eyes and ambition
HOBBIES: Cooking new recipes, trying different restaurants and listening to new music
IDEAL FIRST DATE: After work going to a low-key bar with a relaxed ambiance, delicious food and good music (neo-soul, R&B and hip-hop) playing to get to know each other and see their taste in music.
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? Neither, but open to both
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? It depends. As long as their views weren’t aligned with racism, oppression, sexism, inequality, etc., we could talk about it.
CELEB CRUSH: Ari Lennox and Iman Shumpert
OBSCURE FACT: I love acting and dancing and was in plays and musicals when I was younger. Eventually I want to get back into it.
NAME: Blessitt Shawn
AGE: Excuse me?
OCCUPATION:Digital & Cultural Strategist
IDENTIFY AS: 79 percent queer, 85 percent high femme, 100 percent Gemini
LOOKING FOR: I’m looking for a seasonal bae who wouldn’t mind being my official taste tester, flex-time cuddle slut and full-time furniture assembler; someone confident enough to hold my purse as I’m getting out of the car and make it look just as good as I do.
BIGGEST TURN OFF: Anyone who uses, or embodies, the term “dude” or “bro.” Speed walkers. I have a physical disability that impacts my balance and mobility. Allow me to set the pace and I’ll let you take the lead. Also, people who don’t vet their sources before posting an article online really bother me. Why are we posting a 2013 conspiracy piece from diduknothis.net/freecheetos, beloved? Deal breaker: people who measure butter or garlic. What’s wrong with you?
BIGGEST TURN ON: Nothing beats full brows, strong hands and chivalry. I am drawn to non-toxic masculinity. “What should we order for dessert?,” will almost certainly secure a second date.
HOBBIES: I enjoy hosting the perfect weekend brunch, becoming a mistress of interior design, perfecting my late-night grilled cheese and pretending to be an astrology expert when random drunk people ask me for dating advice at happy hour. “He’s a Pisces?! Girl …”
IDEAL FIRST DATE: Anything that involves tacos or dessert is a pretty great start. Did you know 7/11 donuts are made by Krispy Kreme? You’re welcome. My best dates also included the following: a cuisine neither of us have ever tried, laughing until our cheeks hurt and a “did you make it home?” text.
PET/KIDS/NEITHER? Pets are lovely, but I’m not waking up early to walk your fluff-muffin. Kids are cute in small doses but terribly expensive. How about we support our friends with kids by being engaged in their lives and out-gifting the couples that annoy us? (True confession: I love doing this.)
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICAL VIEWS DIFFER? No thanks. If you think our current political climate has made America great, we’re not a match.
CELEB CRUSH: Ricky Martin would be my +1 to the Victory Fund Gala, while Jeff Goldbum would accompany me to the White House Easter Egg Roll. Deontay Wilder would be my insta-bae Friday-Sunday afternoon. (Sunday nights are for skincare.) I’d let Leo take me out for lunch and shopping when I’m bored.
OBSCURE FACT: I am from the first city of Kansas, Leavenworth, a trained opera singer and a preacher’s kid. Also, the last Grandma to try my pound cake gave it a 8.5/10 rating. Not too bad for a millennial, huh?
a&e features
Bar Betsie, inviting and intimate, marks one-year anniversary
Not that a basic vodka-soda should ever dare to appear in print on the craft cocktail list at year-old Bar Betsie, but if it did, its name would be written in big black block letters, back-lit, on a marquee behind the 14-seat bar, with its ingredients – Tito’s, seltzer water – sitting visible on a shelf above.
Inviting and intimate, and with that arresting visual representation of cocktail ingredients along the wall, Bar Betsie has brought its vibes-forward approach to a dynamic corner of bustling Union Market. The sophomore effort from owners JP Sabatier, Ralph Brabham, and Drew Porterfield, the trio took a different tack at Bar Betsie than at their other, older (though not by much) 14th Street bar, Jane Jane.
Bar Betsie allowed Sabatier, Brabham, and Porterfield to expand their creativity. The three first connected several years ago, when JP was manager of Maydan and Brabham and Porterfield owned Beau Thai and BKK Cookshop. Immediately hitting it off, they dreamed of opening a bar together and in 2021, it became a reality, in the form of Jane Jane.
Featuring a short list of craft, rotating cocktails and shareable bar snacks, Bar Betsie is Jane Jane’s “grittier, edgier” sister. While Jane is named after Porterfield’s mother, Bar Betsie gets its moniker from Sabatier’s mom.
“While Jane Jane is going on a field trip, Bar Betsie feels like you’re skipping school,” says Brabham. Bar Betsie brings more of a party vibe, he says. They landed in the Union Market neighborhood after thinking through what a second bar might feel like: not a carbon copy, but an atmosphere unique to its physical space and surroundings. Union Market and its transitional nature translates to the bar’s interiors: its mood lighting regardless of time of day, the crushed-velvet booths, the blood-red curved curtains to the bathrooms and kitchen, and the air of timeless mystique contrast to the elevated, buttoned-up cocktail bar that is Jane Jane. No one would bat an eye if a cabaret broke out on top of the bar. When in Bar Betsie, they say, it’s as if the warm lighting cuts through the vibe (and the stories) of 50-year-old cigarette smoke in the air.
They decided to make the cocktail menu more concise: 12 to 15 signature drinks at a time. Tequila and mezcal lead the program (again, a nod to mom Betsie, who prefers agave-based liquors). Drinks rotate seasonally (a cocktail flip is happening this month) and are developed committee-style to ensure that the whole team has input. The Clover Cult has been especially popular, with bluecoat gin, raspberry, vermouth, and lemon, but passed through a high-speed blender that whips the drink into a frenzy: it’s a “yummy, sweet cocktail with foam with a beautiful pink color,” says Brabham.
Beers feature locally brewed options, like from DC Brau and Atlas, alongside a wine program featuring skin-contact wines. And hewing to that party-forward vibe, there’s a host of shooters like the blackberry firing squad with tequila and lime.
As for the food, Bar Betsie has a true kitchen, allowing Sabatier to stretch his cheffy wings (he attended the Culinary Institute of America). Bar snacks are plentiful, including Buffalo chicken dip, a giant pretzel with beer cheese, and chicken tinga nachos that are “fucking delicious” says Raplh. “We’re aiming for food that’s snacky, salty, crunchy, and tasty to pair with the drinks.” Guest chefs show up on Sundays for kitchen cameos.
Since opening Bar Betsie, the trio has welcomed some additional acclaim. They’ve begun to set up activations with other bars; last month, they held a pop-up at new cocktail den Frank’s Wild Years, and there’s an upcoming collaboration with Death &Co, the famed bar in Blagden.
Bar Betsie occupies a unique place in the city’s pantheon of drinking destinations. All three owners are gay, and yet this (like Jane Jane) is not a gay bar.
“We never hide who we are,” say Brabham and Porterfield. “There’s always the recognition of the community we come from, and love, and want to celebrate.”
They want people to know who they are and what they stand for, showing that by being inclusive and open in their support of the community. They work to ensure that the staff is diverse and inclusive as well. They also dropped an exclusive Easter egg: behind the medicine-cabinet mirrors in the bathroom is a video screen playing footage of drag queens either getting ready, fixing, or removing makeup and wigs. “It’s a little IYKYK moment, something fun and true to who we are as a queer-celebrating and owned space,” they say.
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Ryan Murphy’s ‘Monster’ vilifies the lesbian
Netflix show promotes stereotype that queer women are dangerous
Ryan Murphy’s “Monster: The Lizzie Borden Story” just premiered on Netflix and became the most watched show on the platform. Murphy and his series are deeply controversial. The past three seasons have focused on convicted killers Jeffrey Dahmer, Lyle and Erik Menendez, and Ed Gein, and have garnered considerable criticism for sensationalizing real-life trauma, exploiting victims for entertainment, and glorifying the perpetrators.
But his newest season centers on Lizzie Borden, the white, affluent Massachusetts woman still referenced today in nursery rhymes who was never convicted of killing her parents Andrew and Abby Borden. As with Murphy’s other seasons, the show plays fast-and-loose with real-life history, instead turning a real-life crime into a psychosexual spectacle.
In real life, Lizzie was found not guilty by an all-male jury in the highly publicized 1892 trial, largely due to a lack of evidence including blood on her clothing and a murder weapon. Her initial statement contradicted her later testimony but her defense team argued that the morphine a doctor repeatedly gave her likely caused her confusion. But despite the fact that Lizzie was acquitted in court, she was ostracized by her community during her life and has been branded a murderer ever since.
Murphy’s highly fictionalized retelling of Lizzie’s story leans into this accusation not only that Lizzie murdered her father and stepmother with an axe but that she was successful in covering it up with the help of the maid Bridget Sullivan. Murphy not only concocts a sapphic relationship between Lizzie and Bridget, pinning the idea of killing Lizzie’s parents on the widely traveled woman who dyes her hair and is repeatedly called a lesbophobic slur by Lizzie’s stepmother, but also portrays Lizzie as an inspiration to Aileen Carol Wuornos, a woman who killed seven men who solicited sex and was also in a relationship with a woman.
Further, Murphy’s retelling creates a false ending to Lizzie’s story. While in real life, Lizzie and her sister Emma buy a house called “Maplecroft” and live there for the rest of their lives, Murphy instead imagines Bridget returning sporadically for romantic rendezvous with Lizzie and eventually moving back in with her and marching together for women’s right to vote. In real life, Bridget left town immediately after providing testimony and lived in Montana until she died.
Lesbophobia is at the heart of this retelling of Borden’s story. Despite the fact that Murphy depicts Lizzie and Bridget having sex and possibly getting married or at least promising themselves to one another wearing flower crowns, there is no evidence that Lizzie and Bridget had any romantic or sexual relationship. If they did have a relationship, it would likely have been hidden and any evidence destroyed, but records show that Lizzie herself refused to call Bridget by her real name, instead referring to her as “Maggie,” the name of their previous maid. It was only Lizzie’s stepmother Abby who called Bridget her real name. In Murphy’s retelling, it’s Lizzie’s stepmother Abby who refuses to learn or use Bridget’s actual name and treats her with disdain along with her stepdaughter.
Some people online argue that we are witnessing Lizzie’s story retold through Wuornos’s perspective, so adding in elements of child abuse and sapphic relationships would make sense, but there is no record that Wuornos ever visited Lizzie Borden’s home, or that she was inspired by Borden throughout her life. Instead, Murphy and his co-creator Ian Brennan use (or I would say exploit) Wuornos as a thematic device to make broad stereotypes about female rage across generations. In doing so, they conflate two real-life examples of violence to sapphic individuals.
Depicting a lesbian relationship in this way is not progress, nor is it fruitful representation today. As sapphic shows are increasingly cut and cancelled, Murphy’s inclusion just reinforces the lesbophobic and sexist stereotype that lesbians and queer women are “dangerous” to straight women and abet or incite violence against men and a family unit. At a time when anti-LGBTQ+ legislation and real-world violence and murder of LGBTQ+ people, especially queer and trans people of color, is exploding, stories that frame murder of a family unit as germinating from a sapphic relationship feed into far right narratives.
They further the myth popularized by far right leaders (including those in the highest echelons of government) that LGBTQ+ people are dangerous, a threat to heterosexual norms and family life, despite the data showing that children of same-sex parents have above average health and well-being according to research by the University of Melbourne.
Today, many LGBTQ+ people feel they have to be (or are forced to be) idealized versions of themselves in order to stave off anti-LGBTQ+ stigma, policing and violence. These “acceptable” behaviors and appearances are rooted not only in cisgender, heterosexual norms but also white supremacy, colonialism, xenophobia, and ableism. It is respectability politics that tell us how we can and should behave (including those perpetuating in the wider LGBTQ+ community) and push LGBTQ+ people to assimilate into a society governed by queerphobic normativity.
I hope it’s clear that I’m not trying to argue that we cannot and should not have shows that depict queer women who kill, or at the very least queer women who are unethical or morally complex. We need these depictions because they ask difficult questions and they reference how some LGBTQ+ people can be and are unethical. In fact, several public LGBTQ+ figures are associated with employee abuse and exploitation, ableism, and fat phobia.
But when Lizzie’s sapphic identity is invented to drive the story along, arguably to generate interest (especially straight men’s interest) in this spectacle of historical slop, it’s not a story that invites discourse and dimensionality, it’s one that collapses Lizzie, Wuornos, and queer women’s identities and relationships to plot devices. It objectifies and fetishizes queer women, arguably committing violence against not only Lizzie but also Wuornos.
And when there is so little representation of sapphic relationships on mainstream television or streaming platforms, it makes this the vast majority of representation that queer girls and women will see of themselves first, and that the straight public will see. Historians will know that Murphy’s depiction of Lizzie’s life is wrong, but many viewers will not and may not go digging for the truth.
Why not focus on the stories of bisexual, lesbian, and queer women who really existed, shared their identities (sometimes covertly, sometimes not), and had long-term partners? In fact, “Boston marriages” were common in this time period and referred to women living together when sexual and romantic relationships between women were illegal, partially because penal systems didn’t know how women could have sex with one another and didn’t want to put the idea in “impressionable” women’s minds. Why not focus on these stories instead of creating a fictionalized account? We have always existed; we do not need to invent relationships.
Murphy’s depiction of Lizzie Borden is deeply problematic. Lesbophobia is not the only issue at the heart of Murphy’s drama, but it merits a broader discussion about how mainstream media routinely hurt queer women and is part of perpetuating queerphobic violence, and what we all lose in the process.
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Writing a play about Lincoln leads down a rabbit hole to a closet
As LGBT History Month arrives, new hints that our greatest president was gay
Abraham Lincoln treasured poetry and it turns out his particular favorites were pretty queer, but I never would have detected that if I hadn’t decided to write a stage comedy about his sex life. In my research for the play, I stumbled across what I believe is new evidence that Lincoln and Joshua Speed were lovers. The remarkable thing is that the evidence has been sitting in plain sight for more than 150 years.
The rabbit hole swallowed me in 2019, when C.A. Tripp’s revolutionary biography “The Intimate World of Abraham Lincoln” somehow fell into my hands. I was embarrassingly late to the Lincoln-was-gay party—Tripp’s book had come out 14 years earlier—and the wonderful-to-me news that Lincoln played for my team started me plotting out a play, because I was pretty sure if I didn’t know this, lots of people didn’t and inquiring minds want to know, and the young queers of America should be told that they have yet another genius over whom to kvell.
Historians and myth makers alike—often it’s hard to tell the difference—have always painted Abe straight, and now that it’s in question they’ve gotten peevish and insistent because, c’mon, bro, everybody knows that in the 19th century all the guys were writing each other gushingly romantic letters and sharing a bed every night for four years. Meanwhile, the Queer Studies crowd assures us that they, the inventors of homosexuality, had not yet invented it, so it couldn’t be that.
But what kind of play to write? I wanted to put at least two of his lovers into it, and no playwright with any sense of drama would omit Abe’s mad, physically abusive, spendthrift wife Mary. To get all of them in the same place at the same time meant bedroom farce. Keeping one’s lovers from knowing about each other is the keystone of bedroom farce and why the sets have so many doors. Speed, the great love of Lincoln’s life, who often visited the White House during the Civil War, would arrive while Lincoln’s wartime lover Army Captain David Derickson was there, too, and Abe would conceal them from each other and from Mary, who is suspicious and dangerous and prone to striking her husband. I also folded in Lincoln’s writing of the Emancipation Proclamation, which in the play is helped along by an invented Black housekeeper, who has suspiciously 20th-century opinions and a shiny new invention: the animatronic steampunk Lincoln robot. “The Loves of Lincoln” finally had its world premiere on June 19 of this year in Memphis, Tenn., where it was nominated for the best new original play of the 2025–26 season, and lost. Now we’re getting to the part about Lord Byron. Wait for it. It’s coming. We’re still setting the scene.
A cute, redheaded, gay Broadway producer told me the play would be stronger with a different kind of ending and for once a producer’s note was spot on—the play needed a final confrontation between Lincoln and Speed over love and slavery. The Speeds had dozens of slaves—lots more than Mary Todd Lincoln’s family, who had a few themselves. To write the scene I needed to know more than I did about the Speed-Lincoln relationship during the war. Speed was helping Lincoln keep the border state of Kentucky in line, but on the other hand his great wealth depended on slavery.
Time for some research. Enter “Your Friend Forever, A. Lincoln: The Enduring Friendship of Abraham Lincoln and Joshua Speed” (2016, Columbia University Press) by Charles B. Strozier, a “psychobiographer” who does the usual somersaults to explain away Lincoln’s behavior as straight because writing gushingly romantic letters to other guys and sleeping in the same bed for four years was absolutely not gay in the 19th century, which is proved by the fact that all the guys were doing it. Which kind of made me want to build a time machine and stop off in 19th-century Illinois on my way to ancient Greece. And then, suddenly, sitting there quietly on page 45, like a dangling thread on a cardigan begging to be pulled, was the interesting datum that Joshua lent his gangly, athletic bedmate books, among them Joshua’s “favorite”: Lord Byron.
The same Lord Byron who cut a swath a kilometer wide across the comely young men of Greece? The notorious libertine and sodomite—that Lord Byron? Well, yes, and it’s not hard to draw a line straight from there to Lincoln’s closet (coincidentally, one of the doors in The Loves of Lincoln leads into a closet—“Why is my husband always in the closet?”), but for some reason, up to now, no one I know of has drawn that line.
Understand, just reading Byron does not make Josh and Abe homosexuals. Byron was a big seller and lots of straight men read him, though perhaps not while gazing dreamily into each other’s eyes (Joshua’s wide and blue, Abe’s a melancholy gray), and OK we don’t know that’s exactly how it went down, but we do know other interesting things thanks to William Herndon.
Bill was a clerk in Speed’s general store, the store Speed and Lincoln slept above, and later the junior partner in Lincoln’s Springfield law practice. Herndon worshipped Lincoln. After the assassination he interviewed pretty much every significant person in Lincoln’s life, in what Strozier called one of the first oral history projects in America. Naturally, he interviewed Speed, who reported Lincoln’s passion for the poetry of Byron. The sexual significance of the connection between Speed, Byron, and Lincoln has up to now been ignored by all biographers—even the queer ones, like Tripp, who tried and did make the case for Lincoln’s homosexuality. Speed told Herndon he had introduced Lincoln to Byron: “I don’t think he had ever read much of Byron previous to my acquaintance with him.” Lord Byron’s poetry was a stew of intense male friendship, forbidden sexuality, secrecy, alienation, and erotic misbehavior, and in the wake of his scandalous divorce his name had for years been a transatlantic byword for transgressive sexuality. Byron also became, alongside Burns, Milton and Shakespeare, one of Lincoln’s four favorite writers.
Here’s where things get juicy. Speed said that, in particular, “Lincoln loved The Bride of Abydos.” Byron wrote the poem in the wake of his travels through the Ottoman Empire, which was partly what we today would call sex tourism. The poem’s beautiful young hero Selim is extremely feminized, conceals his true identity from his girlfriend (whom everyone thinks is his sister but they’re cousins), and only later reveals that he has a secret double life—in the case of the poem, as the leader of a band of pirates. Now there’s a secret life with an All-Male Cast. We’ll let you supply the pirate joke that goes right here.
It gets better. Herndon’s admittedly fragmentary notes from the Speed interview also specifically bring up Byron’s “To Inez,” the extraordinary lyric in “Childe Harold” in which a man tells a woman that her beauty gives him no pleasure, that her eyes scarcely charm him, and that she must not attempt to discover his “secret woe” or “unmask” his heart. The subtext that leaps off the page, given that Byron was, as the actor Michael Redgrave described himself to his son, “to say the least of it, bisexual,” is that the speaker is in the closet. In the last stanza, he begs her not to pry:
What is that worst? Nay, do not ask—
In pity from the search forbear:
Smile on—nor venture to unmask Man’s heart,
and view the Hell that’s there.
So, queer-coded Byronic poetry formed an important part of Lincoln’s imaginative world, and Speed remembered that fact nearly 30 years later, and told it to Herndon almost as if leaving literary breadcrumbs for posterity. As far as I have been able to determine, no previous Lincoln biographer or scholar of Lincoln’s sexuality has examined the queer implications of the Byron poems Speed specifically remembered Lincoln reading. Why has this been missed?
All of this would be meaningless if Speed and Lincoln didn’t understand that Byron was a lover of men, but I assert that they would have. Lincoln was a discerning reader with a famously penetrating, tenacious mind that wouldn’t let go of a thing until he understood it thoroughly—and a huge fund of worldly knowledge. He was by this time in the Illinois Legislature, had campaigned all over the state, and lawyers often encounter the seamy side of life, whether they seek it out or not. Furthermore, although Byron’s indisputable affairs with men weren’t explicitly documented in 19th century biographies and periodicals as they are today (the conventions and laws of the time all but guaranteed euphemism), rumors of Byron’s “unnatural” conduct crossed the Atlantic even during his lifetime. Articles repeatedly referred to an unnamed, horrifying, or “unnatural” offense, a “peculiar enormity,” and conduct violating the “ban of nature.” In 19th century usage, “unnatural crime” was a familiar euphemism for sodomy, while phrases like “peculiar enormity” and “ban of nature” invited readers to imagine sexual offenses too scandalous to name. Why use the words at all if readers weren’t going to get the point? American readers had easy access to Byron biographies and memoirs, including Thomas Medwin’s “Conversations of Lord Byron” and Thomas Moore’s enormously influential “Letters and Journals of Lord Byron,” while American periodicals discussed the Byron memoir burned by his friends and the salacious suspicions around its contents. Lincoln and Speed would certainly have understood that one of the unmentionable sexual accusations surrounding Byron was man-on-man action.
Lincoln’s love of Byron’s queer-coded writings, fostered by Speed, “proves” little on its own, but a lot when added to the rest of the evidence. And it’s part of an even bigger story: reversing the erasure of queerness from history and documenting that many of humankind’s greatest achievements are thanks to queer individuals. Both Lincoln and Speed had beards, literal and metaphorical—they didn’t want their secret spilled while they were alive. But then again, I like to think that when Joshua Speed told William Herndon of Lincoln’s love for those poems, he imagined a day when their love could be decoded and celebrated. Come to think of it, that day is today.
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