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Moving in together: What’s yours, mine, and ours?

Combining homes requires patience, communication, compromise

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Moving in together? There are some key factors to consider first.

As we approach Valentine’s Day, imagine you’re sitting with your significant other at a table for two in a quiet corner of a fabulous restaurant. You have just had a sumptuous meal, along with cocktails, wine, and a flaming dessert, when your partner leans in and whispers the words of Christopher Marlowe: “come live with me and be my love.”

In the journey of love and companionship, combining living spaces is a sizable milestone. Whether it’s moving in together, getting married, or simply sharing a home, commingling the living areas of two individuals requires careful consideration, compromise, and creativity. This process involves merging not only physical belongings but also lifestyles and preferences. 

Unless either of you is still living Chez Mom and Dad, you’ll need to decide whose home will be your new nesting place. Are you currently renting and constrained by a lease? Does one of you own property? Do you both? Whose home is most convenient or closest to the size you need? 

In any personal, business, or familial relationship, communication is key. Open and honest discussions about expectations, preferences, and boundaries lay the foundation for a successful integration of living areas, even if you’re only roommates. Each person should feel heard and respected, and compromises should be made where necessary.

Whether you intend to move into one or the other’s existing residence or decide to sell “yours and mine” and buy “ours,” understanding each other’s needs, desires, and budgets will help you pinpoint a location, size, and type of home that will work best.

 For example, someone who works at home may find location to be less important than it is for a DMV commuter. Perhaps access to dining and shopping nearby is important to you. 

Is it just the two of you or will you be a Brady Bunch blended family? Do you anticipate caring for elderly relatives now or in the future? Do you need dual office spaces or an exercise area?

Will it be a condominium, townhouse, or detached home? Colonial, mid-century modern, contemporary, or one-story rambler? Also, if you clarify how your budgets will mesh up front, you may save yourself from arguing about money later. 

Once you have decided on where, what, and how much, considering each person’s habits, routines, and design tastes can help to create a space that reflects both individuals’ personalities while fostering warmth and harmony.

Practicality plays a crucial role in merging living spaces. Assessing the available space, storage needs, and functionality of each item is essential. Bring out your inner Marie Kondo. Duplicate or unnecessary items can be minimized through decluttering and organizing sessions. Deciding together which items to keep, donate, or repurpose ensures that the space remains clutter-free and functional for both individuals.

Attaining a cohesive design aesthetic can be a fun and rewarding aspect of creating new living spaces. Finding common ground in terms of color schemes, furniture styles, and decorative elements helps in achieving a cohesive look. Mixing and matching pieces from each person’s collection can add character and uniqueness to the space while maintaining a sense of balance.

Flexibility is key when it comes to compromise. Both individuals may have attachments to certain belongings or design elements, and finding middle ground is essential. Being open to trying out new arrangements or incorporating elements from different styles can lead to surprising and delightful outcomes.

Personalization is important in making the shared space feel like home for both individuals. Incorporating meaningful objects, photographs, and artwork can add a personal touch and foster a sense of belonging. Creating designated areas or corners where each person can display their interests or hobbies allows for individual expression within the shared space.

Respect for each other’s privacy and personal space is paramount in a shared living arrangement. Designating separate areas or zones where each person can retreat and have some alone time ensures that both individuals feel comfortable and respected. Clear communication about boundaries and expectations regarding personal space helps in avoiding conflicts down the road.

Flexibility and adaptability are essential qualities to navigate the challenges of turning two homes into one. As individuals grow and evolve, so do their preferences and needs. Regular discussions about how the shared space is working for both individuals allow for adjustments to be made as needed.

Most of all, combining the living areas of two individuals is a process that requires patience, communication, and compromise. By approaching the task with an open mind and a willingness to collaborate, it is possible to create a harmonious and functional living space that reflects the personalities and preferences of both parties and truly makes it your own. 

Valerie M. Blake is a licensed Associate Broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH Real Estate / @properties. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her via DCHomeQuest.com, or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.

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Real Estate

Real terrors of homeownership come from neglect, not ghosts

Mold, termites, frayed wires scarier than any poltergeist

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The real terrors of homeownership have nothing to do with ghosts.

Each October, we decorate our homes with cobwebs, skeletons, and flickering jack-o’-lanterns to create that spooky Halloween atmosphere. But for anyone who’s ever been through a home inspection there’s no need for fake scares. Homes can hide terrors that send chills down your spine any time of year. From ghostly noises in the attic to toxic monsters in the basement, here are some of the eeriest (but real) things inspectors and homeowners discover.

Every haunted house movie starts with a creepy basement, and in real life, it’s often just as menacing. Mold, mildew, and hidden water leaks lurk down there like invisible phantoms. At first, it’s just a musty smell — something you might brush off as “old house syndrome,” but soon enough, you realize those black or green patches creeping along the walls can be more sinister than any poltergeist.

Black mold (Stachybotrys chartarum) is particularly fearsome – it thrives in damp, dark places and can cause serious respiratory problems. It’s not just gross – it’s toxic and, while some types of mold can be easily cleaned up, removing black mold can cost more than an exorcism.

Have you ever heard strange buzzing or seen flickering lights that seem to move on their own? Before you call the Ghostbusters, call an electrician. Faulty wiring, outdated panels, and aluminum circuits from the mid-20th century are the true villains behind many mysterious house fires. Home inspectors can also find open junction boxes, frayed wires stuffed behind walls, or overloaded breaker panels that hum like a restless spirit. 

Imagine an invisible specter floating through your home – something that’s been there since the 1950s, waiting for you to disturb it. That’s asbestos. Home inspectors dread discovering asbestos insulation around old boilers or wrapped around ductwork. It’s often lurking in popcorn ceilings, floor tiles, and even wall plaster. You can’t see it, smell it, or feel it—but inhaling those microscopic fibers can lead to serious illness decades later.

Lead pipes, once thought to be durable and reliable, are like the vampires of your water system – quietly poisoning what sustains you. The results of a lead test can be chilling: even a small amount of lead exposure is dangerous, particularly for children. 

And it’s not just pipes – lead paint is another problem that refuses to die. You might find it sealed beneath layers of newer paint, biding its time until it chips or flakes away. This is why, when selling a property built prior to 1978, homeowners must disclose any knowledge of lead paint in the home and provide any records they may have of its presence or abatement.

Scratching in the walls. Tiny footsteps overhead. Droppings in the attic. It’s not a poltergeist – it’s pests. Termites, rats, bats, carpenter ants, and even raccoons can do more damage than any ghost ever could.

Termites are the silent assassins of the home world, chewing through beams and joists until the structure itself starts to sag. Rats and mice leave behind droppings that can spread disease and contaminate food. Bats are federally protected, meaning your haunted attic guests can’t just be evicted without proper precautions. And I once had a raccoon give birth in my chimney flue; my dogs went crazy.

Ever step into a home and feel the floors tilt under your feet? That’s no ghostly illusion – it’s the foundation shifting beneath you. Cracked walls, doors that won’t close, and windows that rattle in their frames are the architectural equivalent of a horror movie scream.

Foundation damage can come from settling soil, poor drainage, or tree roots rising from under the structure. In extreme cases, inspectors find entire crawl spaces flooded, joists eaten by rot, or support beams cracked like brittle bones. Repair costs can be monstrous – and if left unchecked, the whole house could become a haunted ruin.

Some homes hold more than just physical scares. Behind the drywall or under the floorboards, inspectors may uncover personal relics – old letters, photographs, even hidden safes or forgotten rooms. Occasionally, however, there are stranger finds: jars of preserved “specimens,” taxidermy gone wrong, or mysterious symbols scrawled in attic spaces.

These discoveries tell stories of the people who lived there before, sometimes fascinating, sometimes chilling, but they all add to the eerie charm of an old home, reminding us that every house has a history — and some histories don’t like to stay buried.

So, while haunted houses may be a Halloween fantasy, the real terrors in homeownership come from neglect, not ghosts. Regular inspections, good maintenance, and modern updates are the garlic and holy water that turn a trick of a home into a treat.


Valerie M. Blake is a licensed associate broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH @properties. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her via DCHomeQuest.com, or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.

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LGBTQ home ownership index 2025

Half of queer buyers have experienced or suspected discrimination

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(Photo by AndreyPopov/Bigstock)

Half of LGBTQ+ buyers in the United States say they have experienced or suspected discrimination during the housing process, a new survey commissioned by Gay Real Estate has found. That single figure captures the reality behind one of life’s biggest milestones: buying a home is still not an equal journey for everyone.

Discrimination does not just hurt feelings. It limits access to neighborhoods, delays buying decisions, and pushes many to conceal who they are in order to secure housing. These patterns reveal the added weight LGBTQ+ people carry in a process that should be about opportunity and stability.

At Gay Real Estate, our mission is to connect LGBTQ+ individuals with trusted agents who understand these challenges and provide supportive guidance throughout the buying process. To explore this, we put together The LGBTQ+ Home Ownership Index 2025, which draws on new survey data to uncover these challenges, showing how identity influences every stage of the housing journey. From neighborhood choice to financing, here’s the data that highlights both the barriers and the resilience of LGBTQ+ buyers…

Discrimination Shapes the Homebuying Journey

Discrimination does not always take place in obvious forms. It might surface during an initial phone call, a property viewing, or even while negotiating terms. For LGBTQ+ buyers, these moments are often enough to alter decisions about whether to proceed at all. In fact…

  • 33% have experienced discrimination due to their LGBTQ+ identity when in the home buying process.
  • 17% suspected they were discriminated against, but could not be certain it was due to their identity.
  • Combined, this means half of LGBTQ+ buyers report experiencing or suspecting discrimination.

For many, this ongoing risk changes the way they approach each stage of the process. Some hesitate to enquire about certain properties, while others walk away from negotiations when bias appears. These are not isolated frustrations but a pattern that continues to influence housing access nationwide.

Why Many Feel Pressure to Conceal their Identity

A striking 67% of the LGBTQ+ people surveyed either have hidden, considered hiding their identity, were pressured to hide their identity, or had limited disclosure of their identity while navigating the housing market. This can occur during property viewings, mortgage applications, or even casual conversations with landlords and neighbors.

This concealment is not about preference but survival. LGTBQ+ homebuyers weigh the risk of being open against the potential of being denied, steered elsewhere, or subjected to worse terms. The reality is that many feel they must downplay who they are in order to secure something as fundamental as a home.

How Neighborhood Choice is Limited by Discrimination 

Location is a defining factor in real estate, yet for LGBTQ+ buyers it’s not just about schools, commute times, or amenities. It’s also about whether they feel comfortable walking around the streets, holding a partner’s hand, or participating in local life. The survey results show how deeply these considerations shape decisions:

  • 22% have avoided certain areas due to fear of LGBTQ+ discrimination.
  • 30% would avoid areas in the future for the same reason.
  • 24% have at least considered avoiding certain areas.

Feelings of unease extend beyond neighborhoods. Eight in ten report experiencing at least some level of discomfort or risk that changes their behavior. This might mean avoiding viewings at night, skipping certain open houses, or limiting their search to areas perceived as more welcoming.

Politics, Legislation, and Timing

The decision to buy a home often comes with timing questions about jobs, interest rates, and personal finances. For LGBTQ+ buyers, the political and legal climate can be just as influential, with 24% reporting that they have delayed buying a home, and 17% are considering delaying because of these concerns. On top of this, 12% have even decided not to buy at all.

Altogether, 53% report that political or legal conditions have directly shaped when or whether they buy. These delays are not about whether or not they can make the decision, but about careful risk management. Many want assurance that their rights and investments will be protected before taking such a significant financial step.

The Cost of an LGBTQ-Friendly Area

For most people, cost is the single biggest factor in choosing where to live, yet 3 in 5 LGBTQ+ buyers are willing to pay more to live in areas they know will be affirming.

Combined, 60% are willing to trade financial savings for the stability and predictability of an affirming environment. This is not treated as a luxury but as a necessity, one that enables people to live more freely and fully in their own homes.

LGBTQ-Friendly States and Cities

When it comes to LGBTQ+ friendly places to buy a home, certain U.S. states and cities stand out. Our recent survey of 700 respondents revealed which areas are top of mind for prospective LGBTQ+ homeowners.

California 

Leading the way, California was cited by 17.6% of respondents. Homebuyers here highlight strong legal protections, vibrant communities, and the availability of LGBTQ+-friendly real estate agents in California as key factors when deciding on timing and location.

New York 

Close behind is The Big Apple, with 16.7% of respondents naming the state. Buyers appreciate its inclusive neighborhoods and the broad choice of agents experienced in supporting LGBTQ+ clients, making the process smoother and safer.

San Francisco

At the city level, San Francisco was mentioned by 9.7% of respondents. The city’s historic LGBTQ+ culture and welcoming communities make it a top pick for those seeking both social connection and secure homeownership.

Los Angeles

Cited by 7% of respondents, LA offers diverse neighborhoods and a strong network of supportive real estate professionals, helping buyers feel confident in their timing and choices.

Atlanta

Mentioned by 5%, Atlanta is increasingly recognised for its progressive neighborhoods and growing LGBTQ+ community, providing new options for LGBTQ+ homeownership in the South.

Why LGBTQ-Friendly Agents Matter

Choosing a realtor is about more than just market expertise. For LGBTQ+ buyers, it can also determine how comfortable they feel disclosing personal information, how they are treated during negotiations, and whether subtle steering is avoided.

45% of respondents agreed that they are more likely to choose an LGBTQ+ friendly real estate agent over a general agent, while 14% were not aware this was even an option, but expressed interest nonetheless.

That means nearly 6 in 10 are either actively seeking or open to working with an LGBTQ+-friendly agent, like those at Gay Real Estate. For many, aligned professionals mean fewer risks of bias, more transparent conversations, and better overall outcomes.

The Barriers to Ownership

The survey also reveals how multiple obstacles stack together, slowing or even stopping LGBTQ+ buyers from achieving homeownership. These barriers are not minor inconveniences but compounding pressures that reduce choice and delay progress. Key obstacles reported include:

  • Concerns about harassment in certain areas.
  • Struggling to find LGBTQ+-friendly areas within budget.
  • Lack of local legal protections.
  • The need to hide or downplay their identity to secure housing.
  • Direct discrimination from sellers, agents, or landlords.
  • The lack of inclusive schools and family resources.
  • Access to healthcare.
  • Facing negative housing experiences related to their LGBTQ+ identity.

In total, that’s 76% of the community that reports facing at least one barrier connected to their discrimination or identity.

Patterns of Incidents 

Discrimination is not always obvious, but it may leave a paper trail. Survey respondents reported harassment, exclusion, and unfavorable terms across many different stages of the buying process, including: 

  • Harassment, derogatory comments, or intimidation (9%).
  • Being steered to or away from certain areas (7%).
  • Discrimination by a landlord or property manager (5%).
  • Discrimination by a seller or real estate agent (5%)
  • Being refused a viewing or property (4%)
  • Being offered worse terms, higher prices, or additional conditions (4%)

Recognizing these patterns is the first step, but buyers should also document these incidents, keep written records, and work with agents who can support them in escalating issues when necessary.

Moving forward with support 

Buying a home is never just about property. It’s about belonging, stability, and being able to live authentically. The LGBTQ+ Home Ownership Index 2025 shows how discrimination, concealment, and external pressures continue to shape this journey, but it also highlights the resilience of those navigating it.

At Gay Real Estate, we believe no one should have to compromise their identity to find the right home. Our network of LGBTQ+-friendly agents is here to provide knowledgeable, affirming support from the first search to closing day.

If you’re ready to start your home search with an agent who understands your needs, connect with an LGBTQ+ friendly real estate agent today.

Methodology

A survey of 700 people from the USA was commissioned by Gay Real Estate. Respondents were all a part of the LGBTQ+ community to provide real-life experiences and accurate results.


For more information visit GayRealEstate.com.

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Real Estate

How a gov’t shutdown impacts D.C. real estate market

Prices normally drop, then rebound after reopening

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(Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

As we enter week three of the latest government shutdown, Washington feels quiet, both in the halls of Congress and in the open houses around our city. Agents and sellers will tell you with a defeated lilt in their voice that, despite lower rates and a relatively strong economy, listings are sometimes just not selling — no matter the price drops.

And yet, despite this depressed sentiment held by so many in the industry, the numbers are telling an almost entirely different story. The latest statistics available through the main regional multiple listing service (MLS), BrightMLS, show that not only is sales volume up since September 2024, but so is the median sale price. In fact, overall listing inventory is not skyrocketing as so many on social media would have you believe — it’s actually on par with this time last year too. So how can the vibe be so mismatched with the data?

First, to go deeper into the numbers, the new listings in August of 2024 were just over 850, and in 2025 there were 816 in the same month. September of 2025 saw only 100 more new listings than September 2024. Meanwhile the number of units sold in both months this year were higher, and September of this year was actually higher by about 10%. 

The median values data also tell a happy story: the median sale price in September of this year is $677,500, which is up a whopping 12.7% over the median sales price of $601,250 in September of 2024. On a year to date basis, the numbers are more modest, but still show an overall 2% increase in values.

Justin Levitch, the data whisperer and president of RLAH Real Estate, went a step further to explore the impact of previous shutdowns on the market to predict the effects of this one on our market. He found that in the weeks leading up to previous shutdowns, and the time of the shutdowns themselves, and the weeks after them, there was a noticeable drop in market activity, between 10% in 2013 and over 20% in 2018. But in both cases, the market basically rebounded just after the shutdown occurred: in 2013, the number of contracts signed vs. a ‘normal’ time period was down just a hair at around 3% under normal, but in 2018, contracts signed shot up to 20% above normal in the weeks following that event. Thirteen days into our current shutdown, new contracts are already down about 20% from their average over the last three years, so here’s hoping for a 2018-style rebound when this shutdown ends– assuming it does.

Levitch continues his analysis with a question about how the shutdown may also intersect with another market question about this fourth quarter versus last year’s: Q4 in 2024 saw the largest increase in closed sales over any previous year’s quarter since before 2022, at over 16%. This is undoubtedly a result of two back-to-back rate drops that occurred around election time last year. With a rate drop recently in the books, we could be poised for another similar bump this quarter, especially if it happens again. But with the shutdown firmly in place, will that still happen? That is certainly the big question on all our minds.

Markets like this are tough for buyers and sellers to understand and navigate, because even with the data to chew on, a clear path toward meeting their goals is not always apparent. That’s why choosing a capable and thoughtful Realtor as a guide is so critical. Experience dealing with tough markets, perseverance to see a strategy through to successful closing, and systems to ensure the plan is going according to plan are all essential elements to look for in your partner. 

If you find that combination, whether with a team like Bediz Group or another agent, you might become one of these happy stats, and not watching others win from the sidelines.


David Bediz is the owner of Bediz Group, LLC at RLAH Real Estate, and also owns Home Starts Here, a loan brokerage. Both are licensed in D.C., Maryland, Virginia and Delaware and exist to serve the needs of buyers and sellers in every price range. Bediz Group has been awarded the Best of Gay DC award at least five times, including this year. More at www.bediz.com or 202-642-1616.

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