Gili Roman and his sister, Yarden Roman-Gat, have always been close.

“We are best friends,” Roman told the Washington Blade on Monday during an interview in D.C. “We understood each other without words, with words. We always stand for each other.”

Roman was 26 when he came out as gay to his parents. He told his sister several months later when they were on vacation in Vietnam. Roman said she was “very angry at me that I came out to our parents before I told her.” 

“She said, ‘I don’t believe you told me after our parents,'” recalled Roman. “With my parents it wasn’t easy, but with her it was super easy and she was super excited for me because she wanted me to have this open and happy life.”

Roman spoke with the Blade less than a month after Hamas militants kidnapped his sister.

Roman-Gat and her husband, Alon Gat, lived in Be’eri, a kibbutz that is near the border between Israel and the Gaza Strip, for four years. They and Gefen, their 3-year-old daughter, moved in September because of what Roman described as “all the safety issues, and the missile attacks.” 

“She wasn’t willing to tolerate that anymore,” said Roman.

‘For us it’s like a Holocaust story’

Roman-Gat, a physical therapist who works with elderly people and those with physical and mental health issues, and her family had just returned to Israel after a vacation in South Africa when they decided to spend the Simchat Torah holiday with Gat’s parents in Be’eri. They were in their home on Oct. 7 when Hamas launched its surprise attack.

Roman, 39, lives in Tel Aviv, which is roughly 50 miles north of Be’eri. He said air raid sirens woke him and his sister up at around 6:30 a.m. on Oct. 7.

“When it happens, usually we send a text message to find out that they’re also fine because for them, the time to get to the shelter is much shorter.” said Roman, noting people who live around Gaza have seconds to take shelter when militants launch a rocket. People who live in Tel Aviv have 90 seconds to seek refuge. “After the second missile alarm, I turned on the TV and understood that this is not the regular routine.”  

“We started to see terrorists infiltrating different towns around the kibbutz,” he added.

Roman in a series of text messages to his sister asked her if she had locked the door to the safe room to which she and her family had gone and whether anyone had a weapon. Roman-Gat texted her brother every 30 minutes in order to keep their family updated about what was happening. 

“She would text me either a heart or a small conversation,” recalled Roman.

Roman said he last heard from his sister at around 10 a.m. He told the Blade the “terrorists entered the house and took them” about 20 minutes later.

“At first I just thought that they lost connection,” said Roman. “We didn’t know exactly what happened.”

Roman, a member of the Israel Defense Force’s reserves, said he was preparing to deploy to the country’s border with Lebanon with his unit when he and his family “started to understand that something really bad was happening in Be’eri.” Roman-Gat’s father-in-law later told Roman he had been “separated from the rest of the family.”

“He was still in the house, and he saw all of his family members taken separately,” said Roman.

Roman told the Blade he received a video a few hours later that showed his sister’s mother-in-law and three of her neighbors “being taken through the street next to their house with a few terrorists surrounding them.” He said Israeli media reports incorrectly suggested the militants took them to the kibbutz’ dining hall and planned to negotiate their release.

Roman said Gat called him at around 7:30 a.m. on Oct. 8 and told him what had happened the previous day.

Media reports indicate four militants placed Roman-Gat, Gat, their daughter and two other Be’eri residents into a car. One of them had reportedly been placed into the trunk.

Roman-Gat and Gat jumped out of the car with their daughter as it approached Gaza. Roman said the militants began to run after them. He told the Blade they were shooting at them when his sister handed her daughter to her husband because he was able to run faster. 

Gat hid with his daughter for 18 hours before they reached IDF soldiers at Be’eri. He told Roman he last saw his wife hiding behind a tree to protect herself from the militants who were shooting at her.

“For us it’s like a Holocaust story,” said Roman. “It’s a horror story, the worst horror story that you can imagine … the evil of it, of running, chasing an innocent family with a family.”

Roman told the Blade he put on his IDF uniform and drove to Be’eri on Oct. 8.

“Once you started to go to the South, it was like what you’ve seen in the movies: Battlefields, everything was on fire,” he recalled. “You saw bodies scattered along the along the road, and you saw the cars all scattered with bullets because people were killed while driving.”

Hamas militants were still around Be’eri when Roman arrived. He said two of them “tackled” them and “were shooting at us.”

“The officers had to get out of the car, kill them and get back,” said Roman. 

He said it took a couple of days for the IDF to clear the militants from the area. Search crews were then able to mount large scale searches for those who were killed or kidnapped.

Roman said his brother-in-law was able to find the tree behind which Roman-Gat had been hiding. He told the Blade the searchers determined the militants had once again captured her and brought her into Gaza because they found her bare footprint next to a shoe print. 

“They saw they didn’t go much farther from the tree,” said Roman. “They assume that somebody was carrying her.”

Roman said Hamas on Oct. 10 released a video that showed his sister’s mother-in-law and her three neighbors with whom she had been taken at the “end of the street in their own pool of blood.” Roman told the Blade that her husband and sons saw it on social media.

The militants also kidnapped Roman-Gat’s sister-in-law. Roman said the family believes that she too is now in Gaza.

Gat and his daughter are now living with Roman’s father at his home in Givatym, a city that is just outside of Tel Aviv.

Roman said his niece understands there were “bad people in front of their house, their safe place and took them and she was supposed to hide.” He also said she knows that he and his family are working to find her mother. 

“They were inseparable,” said Roman.

Roman’s mother passed away 10 months ago. He said his niece was “very close to both of” her grandmothers. 

Roman told the Blade his sister’s father-in-law is “doing his best.” He said he visits his family in Givatym every day.

“He’s a refuge in his own country,” said Roman. “He lost his wife, and his daughter is kidnapped and his daughter-in-law is kidnapped. It is very, very tough on him.”

Roman, 39, is a teacher who was previously the principal of the Eastern Mediterranean International School near Tel Aviv.

The school’s mission is to make “education a force for peace and sustainability in the Middle East.” Israelis, Palestinians and Arabs are among the students.

Roman has been a member of the Nemos LGBTQ+ Swimming Club for the last five years.

The Jewish Federations of North America brought Roman and his cousin to the U.S. They will travel to New York before returning to Israel next week.

CNN’s Jake Tapper is among the other reporters with whom Roman has spoken about his sister, who is also a German citizen. Roman noted he celebrated her 36th birthday last month when he spoke at a pro-Israel rally in Berlin that more than 20,000 people attended.

“It was very powerful, but also very evident that she was not there,” he said.

Roman when he spoke with the Blade was wearing a black baseball hat that read “Bring Yarden home now.” He also had a dog tag around his neck that had the Star of David on it and “bring them home now” engraved in Hebrew.

More than 1,400 Israelis have been killed since the war began. This figure includes at least 260 people who Hamas militants murdered at an all-night music festival in Re’im, a kibbutz that is a few miles away from Be’eri. Thousands of other Israelis have been injured and Roman-Gat is among the 240 people who militants from Hamas and other Muslim extremist groups kidnapped.

Hamas rockets have reached Beersheba, Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, Ben Gurion Airport and other locations throughout central and southern Israel. Media reports indicate Hezbollah, which the U.S. and Israel have designated a terrorist organization alongside Hamas, has attacked IDF posts and launched rockets from Lebanon into northern Israel.

The Hamas-controlled Gaza Health Ministry says Israeli airstrikes have killed more than 8,000 people and injured thousands of others in the enclave.

The Israeli government’s decision to cut electricity, water and food and fuel shipments to Gaza has made the humanitarian crisis in the territory even worse. The IDF’s ground incursion into the enclave began on Oct. 27.

Gazan authorities on Tuesday said an IDF airstrike in the Jabaliya refugee camp near Gaza City left hundreds of people dead or injured. The Associated Press reported the IDF said it killed a Hamas commander and dozens of other militants.

Calls for a ceasefire continue to grow louder around the world. Acts of antisemitism and Islamophobia have also increased in the U.S. and in other countries since Oct. 7. 

Roman specifically applauded the Biden-Harris administration and the German government for their response to the war. 

He said he “understands” and “relates” to some of the criticisms against Israel. Roman also acknowledged the “liberal world” and the “progressive world” and the global LGBTQ community “is very divided” on the war.

“I understand why people are hurting because of the lives that are lost right now in Gaza,” he told the Blade. “It’s not easy for me as well. I probably know more Palestinians than the people here.”

Roman said Hamas has “done harm to the Palestinian cause.”

“What happened in the South is not a Palestinian story,” he told the Blade. “The Palestinian ambition for liberty and for self-independence is very legitimate, but the jihadistic ambition is completely illegitimate.”

“It’s not something that anyone should justify in any way,” added Roman. “It’s pure evil, the desire to murder anyone who is either not Muslim or supports the ambition to create a Muslim empire.”

Oct. 7 was ‘the biggest failure of the Israeli state’

Roman pointed out he did not vote for Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and did not support the right-wing coalition government he formed late last year. Roman also noted he supported the protest movement against the proposed reforms to the country’s judicial system that activists said would harm LGBTQ Israelis.

He described Oct. 7 as “the biggest failure of the Israeli state.” Roman also reiterated the constant threats of rockets from Gaza is the reason that his sister and her family moved away from Be’eri. 

“My sister wasn’t willing to accept it and I wasn’t going to accept it, but what can we do,” he said. “We are not government officials, but for years the world has accepted, Israel has accepted that we are consistently under fire, and this is how it let it happen.”

Roman told the Blade it is going to “take a while to control Hamas” and for the IDF to have military and political control in Gaza. He also said Hamas has a lot of support in the West Bank.

“It’s not something that you are being done with like a month or two,” said Roman. “It’s very necessary, but it’s going to be extremely hard.”

Roman told the Blade he is most concerned about what will happen once the war ends. 

“There could be compromise with the Palestinians as a national entity, as a people, but there can be no compromise with the jihadists,” he said. “As long as they prevail and as long as they are in power and as long as they get so much support from the Palestinian people, you cannot even sit at the table and discuss. What can you discuss? They want you to be eliminated. There is no conversation.” 

“We need to get to the point where the Palestinians realize that those two missions cannot be together,” added Roman. “They cannot wish to eradicate us and also get independence alongside us.” 

He said Israelis also “need to get a lot of trust they didn’t have in the first place in the intentions and ambitions of the Palestinians and of the Arabs around us.”